Mass Destruction VI RP Feedback

[Alexa Black]

(This one is for Cory Steel as he is as of the time I'm posting this
the only one besides myself who has posted a RP)

This is an excellent RP.

I liked the idea of Judge coming back to haunt Jury and give him a boot up the ass telling him to reclaim the Underground and that it is insulting his legacy that he is not.

What happened to that savage beast in you? Did my time as Underground King dull your senses boy? You lost to a man who hasn't felt the warmth of his own blood pouring down his face, the taste of his own sorrows, and he sure as Hell hasn't been beaten by those hands you pride yourself on."


Then his message to Q telling him what he will do was clear and direct as it could be and if I was Q I would be VERY worried right now. We can feel his hunger and passion as he speaks. This was well done.


And finally him taking down a dealer in his usual brutal and unflinching fashion was good. I don't think anybody else will try pulling that shit in Saints territory again !

So well done with this RP!

[Eira]

Great feedback, Simon!

[Justin Kaard]

I haven't had a chance to read all the role plays yet but I will and I'll get feedback up for them as well. Those I have read I really enjoyed, great job to everyone this cycle.

[Buck Brochamp]

Mar 15, 2016 11:19:43 GMT -5 Justin Kaard said:

I haven't had a chance to read all the role plays yet but I will and I'll get feedback up for them as well. Those I have read I really enjoyed, great job to everyone this cycle.

thanks brah!!!!!

[Rick Majors]

#TeamBrochamp

[Justin Kaard]

It took me a little longer than expected but I promised I would get feedback up for everyone. Here you guys go, enjoy.

Darkness and Light by Alexa (Shaw Brothers)

I like the opening description of the swamp, it really paints a good picture of the surroundings. I also liked the description of the Shaw Brothers, kind of like a bayou version of Grimm and Sadistic. That said, I have issues reconciling the visual description of these guys with the wooden stilt of the dialogue. I'm not saying you should take these guys straight rajin cajun, but when they speak they seem out of place. The other issue is just basic spelling and grammar stuff.

Savages: Roots Pt II by Jury

As dreams this one was interesting. While reading it I actually forgot it was a dream and when Jury showed up as a ghost I really took notice. We've had a touch of supernatural in PCW in the past and I was wondering if we were going to get more with Jury. One thing that did kind of take me out of the moment, and this is completely my opinion, was the skewed priorities of Jury. Sleep with my wife? Sure. Raise my kids? Sure. Don't live up to my expectations in wrestling? I'LL KILL YOU! Knowing the character it makes sense, but it was just a weird little moment. The other big issue I had was just the way the piece was broken up, seemed a little jarring. Still a good piece though, you've come a long way since the AWA days, Minion.

Painting a Picture by Alexa (Shaw Brothers)

I had issues with the formatting of this one, it kind of seemed to be all over the place which made it hard for me to read. I didn't feel this one was as strong as the first outing, but not a bad piece overall. However it still suffers from the issues your first one did, you really need to check the spelling and the grammar. One or two is not a big issue but it seems to happen more than normal in this one. I would recommend taking your roleplay and posting it in a translator site with a talk back function. Having it read out loud can be a huge help.

Hunters in the Night by Alexa Black

This is probably your best piece of the night, Simon. Story wise I feel like this actually told one. It gave a bit more back story on Alexa. While the tone is still "I'm so carazay!" at least now we get a bit more insight as to why. I look forward to reading more and finding out why she was thrown into a hole for so long and what her relationship with Wade is.

Póg Mo Thóin by Grimm

This was honestly not one of my favorite role plays by Nate. While it was beautifully written (when isn't a Grimm rp well written?) it seemed to be lacking in story. It mentioned the man in black but the majority of the story was Grimm wondering if Kaard would even show up. Though to be fair with my track record that was an entirely justified question. I would have just liked to see more of Grimm's story be the focus. That said though, the fact that you can pack as much as you do into as few words as you do is scary.

Making a Splash by Crazy Boy

Do you have any idea how hard it is to actually bust a heavy bag off the chain? It's like ridiculously hard, it's supposed to be that way. That's the biggest glaring thing in this rp because CB isn't a muscle bound bruiser, so there's that. But that's my biggest gripe. I did enjoy
CB wondering if his time has passed. You continue to get better, CB.


The Infiniti Council: Chapter 9 by Nathan Saniti

Well that was terrifying. Blood-terfly....the fuck, man!? I enjoyed it, and seeing as how I took your advice and read Kelli's first it did make a lot more sense. I still love the mythos of Saniti's world and I'm still waiting for that piece of Nathan Saniti/Usali Basalisk cross over. I also enjoyed seeing N. Saniti make a comeback but not a dark one as seems to happen whenever he comes to play. But that threat at the end.....daaaaaaaaaaamn yo.

Friends in Dark Places by NCM

It was a little hard for me to follow because admittedly I've had trouble keeping up on everyones rps, but I liked it all the same. The atmosphere was a brilliant mix of foreboding and depressing. The fact that you implied Ezra's suffering rather than show him being tortured was a great choice. Leave it up to the reader to decide what he's been through, I'm curious what everyone else came up with for that one.

Joeself Buckland What???! by Buck Brochamp

That's it, best rp ever written. Might as well just hand Buck all the titles now. Also, I legit cracked up at the PS message on the bottom.

Welcome Home by Raven Hex

So wait....that first part....that was a dream yes? Cause we're not against blood and guts in these parts, but openly torturing another person's character might be pushing things. Though it is Dan's character so it was probably all consensual anyway. ~reads on~ Oh, yeah, definitely a dream. Overall it was a well written piece. It's an interesting transition from dream Raven getting violently sick over what she's done to Raven having a reunion with a BFF, one I hope gets explored a lot more. From a technical side, there were a couple of slips with grammar and spelling but nothing major. I look forward to reading more from this character.

Political Puppet by Showtime

Damn, Showtime almost makes me want to vote for him. And then the camera goes off and he goes back to the Showtime we know and love. Though I have to say I love the fact that he's coming to terms that he's been used as a puppet in the Black Hands political aspirations. I look forward to seeing how he handles it.

Wait....puppet....political....I GET IT!

Bubblegum Lime Swirl by Kelli

I really enjoyed it. Kelli has always had an underlying air of vulnerability but this is the first time she's really seemed fragile, it's an unsettling change and very well done. What's better is the character realizes the change has happened. she knows she's suddenly different and she hates it. My only critique, and it's a minor one because it really does fit the character, is that the ending was almost saccharine sweet. But that is a matter of opinion. 9/10, would read again.

SORRY I'M LATE OGOD DON'T SQUASH ME TIME FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEW by Q

It's self deprecating. It's self realizing. It's beautiful. I honestly loved this role play as it was quintessential Q. I'm just sorry it wasn't posted before the deadline as I think we might have had a very different outcome otherwise.

[Nathan Saniti]

Justin Kaard I liked this story. A lot. Then again, I've always been a sucker for horror type RPs. This set up the new direction for Kaard rather nicely. (TBH, I'm tempted to see if you want to do a cross-over RP at some point, because this is the eventual direction I'll be having Saniti go into as well to regain the Seeds of Life.)

I like the way this was split up and the story was told. It was easy to follow and flowed well.

That said, I can only nit-pick at this in order to find anything wrong. (When "monsters" is a plural, don't use an apostrophe. HEIL GRAMMAR!)There. I said all the things. If you want to do that crossover down the road (probably well past the next PPV), let me know.

Everyone else... I will get to you. I promise.

[Nathan Saniti]

I have to binge watch some Daredevil. I have priorities.

[Raven Hex]

Mar 20, 2016 18:30:58 GMT -5 Justin Kaard said:

Welcome Home by Raven Hex

So wait....that first part....that was a dream yes? Cause we're not against blood and guts in these parts, but openly torturing another person's character might be pushing things. Though it is Dan's character so it was probably all consensual anyway. ~reads on~ Oh, yeah, definitely a dream. Overall it was a well written piece. It's an interesting transition from dream Raven getting violently sick over what she's done to Raven having a reunion with a BFF, one I hope gets explored a lot more. From a technical side, there were a couple of slips with grammar and spelling but nothing major. I look forward to reading more from this character.

Thanks for the feedback, Kaard. As for the first part, it's actually not a dream sequence. If you check out the news and rumors page, I posted a post Trauma segment that Dan approved of to further our story where she does in fact torture Dan. I've been doing this a long time and would never use another handler's character without their full approval, let alone torture them. Maybe I should have did an OOC reference point at the start of the roleplay as to not confuse anyone. I knew Disco wasn't roleplaying, so I admit, I didn't even proofread. Not my finest moment but still getting into the swing of things.

And now that I revisit the roleplay, I can see how you may have thought it was a dream as the next section started with her waking up. Whoops.