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Post by Dontevius Ellis on Apr 5, 2016 2:45:32 GMT -5
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Post by John Weyland on Apr 5, 2016 12:04:35 GMT -5
I found it to be a decent sneak peek into who Dontevius is. I found it interesting too, because his ego is on display, but he was also apprehensive about starting out in the Tournament. I don't know if this was intended, but it read like while he's determined to be the "next big thing" he's not quite secure enough to get his feet wet in such a big event.
Perhaps I'm reading into it too much, but it said a lot in a short amount of time.
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Post by Dontevius Ellis on Apr 5, 2016 12:27:09 GMT -5
I found it to be a decent sneak peek into who Dontevius is. I found it interesting too, because his ego is on display, but he was also apprehensive about starting out in the Tournament. I don't know if this was intended, but it read like while he's determined to be the "next big thing" he's not quite secure enough to get his feet wet in such a big event. Perhaps I'm reading into it too much, but it said a lot in a short amount of time. Thanks man! Yeah, I wanted to leave that open for interpretation as there are a few ways one could twist it. I used the tournament for that since I just missed out on possibly being included by posting my app after the 190 card. Hope you liked it bro and thanks for the feedback! |
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Post by Grimm on Apr 12, 2016 21:32:29 GMT -5
Okay, so...since some of us here are big fans of structurally sound, grammatically correct work, allow me to begin by saying this introduction piece is solid on those accounts. So thank you for that.
As far as the content is concerned, I appreciate how you've given us enough background and character to get a good general framework of the guy without beating us over the head with anything. That, and the fact he is presented as being into this more as a business decision rather than your typical, generic professional wrestling cliches is a good way to stand out.
This was a strong introduction. Welcome to PCW.
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Post by Dontevius Ellis on Apr 12, 2016 22:07:06 GMT -5
Okay, so...since some of us here are big fans of structurally sound, grammatically correct work, allow me to begin by saying this introduction piece is solid on those accounts. So thank you for that. As far as the content is concerned, I appreciate how you've given us enough background and character to get a good general framework of the guy without beating us over the head with anything. That, and the fact he is presented as being into this more as a business decision rather than your typical, generic professional wrestling cliches is a good way to stand out. This was a strong introduction. Welcome to PCW. Thank you, sir! I'm still working on finding the voice of the character but I also need to work on my scene description. I'm much stronger in dialogue so it's what I tend to lean on. |
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Post by Nathan Saniti on Apr 13, 2016 5:22:49 GMT -5
Yeah. Despite my advice about dialogue via PM, you still did a great job of painting the picture. (As you can tell by my latest Saniti RP, I took my advice and shit all over it. LOL) That being said, try not to use dialogue as a crutch, but if that's the way you're wired, who am I to say that it's wrong? Write how you want and let the story guide you.
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Post by Dontevius Ellis on Apr 13, 2016 11:25:17 GMT -5
Yeah. Despite my advice about dialogue via PM, you still did a great job of painting the picture. (As you can tell by my latest Saniti RP, I took my advice and shit all over it. LOL) That being said, try not to use dialogue as a crutch, but if that's the way you're wired, who am I to say that it's wrong? Write how you want and let the story guide you. I definitely appreciated the advice you gave and you were right. I need to work on my descriptions. I have usually written less descriptively because, while I thought description was useful, I also felt that it slows the writing down too much and can be tedious for readers. If it's preferred here though, I'm up for the challenge of incorporating it into my work. Who are we as writers, after all, if we're not looking to improve ourselves? |
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