Brace yourselves guys, this is going to be long because I’m covering every RP posted. I’ll try my best not to get long winded, but as with any feedback provided, can’t make promises. Hopefully I do these justice as there was some stellar work put in.
Razor Empire: So, previously you received feedback from a few of your fellow handlers about what they were seeing and suggestions of things to be changed to better help your score. While some of those problems still exist here, the setting has at least moved from being interviewed backstage to a grocery store. My advice would be to re-read what Nate (Grimm) touched on last cycle and also the feedback you previously received.
The Columbian Connection Part 2: Darkness Past and Present: One of my favorite things with your RP’s lately, Simon, has been these insights as to the backstory of Alexa Black. I remember when I first returned this time last year and the feedback others provided. I think it’s safe to say that you have really improved over time and I for one applaud your success. I love the character and these last two RP’s with the Columbians have been lots of fun. Here we have the introduction of Colonel Vega and how Alexa met him. I’m really intrigued to see how that progresses. I was really looking forward to seeing how she would celebrate her big victory at LaL, and was not disappointed. Tie that in to the ongoing feud with Rick Majors and what you have is a really good RP. Keep up the good work!
What Dreams May Come: No, not the Robin Williams movie, but one of my favorite RP’s this cycle from Dontevius Ellis. Like with fellow newcomer Brenna Gordon, there is a central figure that haunts you. I really, really dug how you began with how Ellis arrived on the scene at the end of the PPV and instead of seeing the candy that actually occupied, saw Kelsey instead. During your guest spot on Pulse you had mentioned being dialogue strong and wanting to bring realism to his words and situations. I think you do just that and have from the start. I have bought into the failed football glory, standing up to bullies, being this all around good guy (so far) and now the reveal of his past involving Kelsey. It’s an awesome hook and one that I look forward to seeing where it goes. The vitriol thrown his way by everyone in his dream was awesome, and the transition to waking up from it and the convo with his sports agent was equally as good. Nicely done Mr. Ellis.
15: And here we have another one I mentioned in my return post, “The Nightmare” Chris Parsons. The countdown clock was a really nice touch as things developed throughout his speech. Time was the underlying theme and you really tied things nicely in regards to the predictions, your LaL match and what you’ve done since arriving. I’ll admit to laughing more than I should at, “Parsons had a gorilla’s chance in Cincinnati of winning.”
There is some cool imagery here with the oak trees, the flames and a starry sky, all cascading around Parsons as he records his speech about Brenna Gordon. And a lengthy one at that. It’s a match that should be really good at Trauma and I’ll be interested to see how the two styles mesh. His assessment of what the division is, is very spot on. Obviously if one is not made for the hardcore violence generally found in the division (see St. Judge during his time as champ), then yeah. But this was a good RP all around.
Gale force advisory (or, Chasing after wind): Grimm RP’s are always a blast to read. I feel like I learn a new word or two or more each time I read them, and that is a compliment to your excellent writing ability, Nate. The mental image I got of Grimm whistling was mildly amusing given who he is, but it absolutely works in the context of things. I think this line, “The Stranger had a strict personal policy against concerning himself with those not directly involved in his day-to-day existence,” sums it up perfectly. As does the suggestion of things eventually getting better. Past history has certainly shown that to be true, but I dug the little mentions of all things happening in PCW and how they could bleed over into Grimm’s world. And again, I found this section, “Let Chaos, Balance, Fate and Chance work it out amongst themselves. The Stranger would continue to whistle, continue to roam, continue to watch. He’d hold out hope against hope that they wouldn’t force his hand,” to be an excellent summarization of things. I’m sure Grimm and Kaard will be destined to tear the house down via title rematch at some point, and the thoughts surrounding the action from the latest encounter was awesome.
One last line that stood out to me was found in discussing Andy D. “What they offered up week after week was all there was,” a total contrast to some of the crazier events and folks who populate the current landscape.”
Solid stuff from start to finish that I could continue to talk about, but it’s Grimm. Anything less would be a total surprise. Great work, Nate. And congrats again on the latest milestone.
Introduction of a Coroner: I loved the first person account to the shooting that woke up Hayes. The way it was detailed made me feel like I was there on the street myself, so kudos to that. Martian Manhunter! This was a really good account of a crime scene, and as someone who is into Forensics, I really enjoyed it.
“AND DON’T BE LATE! I abhor people that are late, and you are constantly.” hahaha.
The middle portion involving the morgue was just as good. The dialogue involving details of the crime were nice, and it all really flowed at a good pace for me. Much like feeling like I was at the crime scene, it carried over to being there at the police station. In getting an idea as to who Alex is, that makes the upcoming match with longtime PCW’er Crazy Boy, all the more interesting. Nice first RP here. Welcome to the Snake Pit by the way
Hopefully you enjoy your time here.
chapter four|1979: Here’s another I singled out as being one of my favorites to read, Brenna Gordon. I really really like her backstory and am super intrigued by Moira and the past with her. I kinda got a sense as to the mythology from your very first RP here, and that only grew over subsequent efforts. But still it’s something very different to see and one I feel you do really well. I loved the physical details surrounding her involvement in prying off the coffin lid and the emotions that came with it. Not only from her pov, but how she perceived Nathan, Kelli and Dontevius as well.
Then came the locker room stuff and chuckles from me. Particularly the “merry band of fuck-ups” quip. I won’t touch too much on the stuff surrounding my character and his group for the obvious reasons, but know that I’ve enjoyed reading the remarks and what have you. The section right before the chapter break was really awesome. The whole paragraph had me hooked, and rather than quote the entire section, I’ll single this out:
“But how could a simple mortal woman, a mewling and trembling ball of exhaustion that was probably hallucinating thanks to the long night she had endured be born of the same stuff as the mythological creatures that populated the memories of her childhood bedtime stories with more frequency than anything else? The blood that coated the end of the that splinter, already darkening as it began to dry in the open air, seemed to only reinforce the notion that Brenna Gordon, Born of Myth…
Why, she was just as human as anybody else.”
I loved all of that. It really really works well with what has been previously established by way of her Mom’s stories. Like what faces Dontevius, there is a central character that haunts Brenna. Moira sounds like one nasty customer, so I’m looking forward to seeing what additional layers come from all of that. Great choice of name too, btw. I don’t often see Moira used.
Sitting up on the roof with the night fast approaching was a really good descriptive portion. “there’s something to be said for the way that the clarity of the sky overhead seems to reach in and sweep its way across her mind as well...” was one of my favorite lines. The continued bond forged from mutual respect (?) with Grimm was nicely touched upon here. Like with Moira, I’m curious to see what comes from that particular angle. But yeah. The details found within her time on the roof and lost in thought both of events pre and post LaL were nicely done.
The promo portion involving my characters I, like before, won’t get too into. My thoughts are the same as what I mentioned earlier. I enjoyed reading it and think it fits in well with the events surrounding Nathan and Kelli. Opens up a different side of Brenna in a more...human way, I suppose. Not so much the trash talking, but the emotions surrounding their well being (Nathan/Kelli) is really cool to see. But yes, two thumbs up to all of that
And speaking of trash talk...damn! Talk about opening up a can on Parsons. There’s a LOT of things there I can quote that either gave me a chuckle or made me say, “Oooo,” that I think its best if I don’t. But that was some really good stuff to conclude things with. Should be a really interesting match with him at Trauma.
The Fine Line: A most tall order for the newly crowned International Champion this week with a showdown involving Grimm. I’ve liked your lyric quotes that begin your RP’s. I’m not familiar with it or them, but I think it’s a nice touch nonetheless. I laughed at the breaking of the fourth wall to start with, and especially with things like, “the sex after winning a title belt is fucking amazing.”
I like to make mention that Destiny would kill her husband in my RP’s over certain things in one of those playful ways, so Andy mentioning said crime against him from his girlfriend definitely got me to laugh. The not resting on laurels is so true.
“In the long term there’s added pressure in being a champion, especially after somebody decides to stick a target on your back. You need to appear more strong and capable to even be considered worthy holding the belt. You need to be able to stand up to the toughest challenges to prove that your belt is not that easy to take from around your waste.”
So spot on the money true. I love that IC awareness, especially because you KNOW that as a champion, that puts a bullseye on you for others moving up the proverbial ladder. No doubt that Showtime will be getting a rematch at some point, but I absolutely agree with Andy there. Which transitions to the mountain of a challenge this week. I liked the mention of your past with him, especially as I’m not aware of said history. So that was cool.
Loved the whole “being romantic” struggles. It adds extra realism to a character that feels exactly that: Real. Just a regular joe. I can see some comedy bits in possible future RP’s involving that.
LOL, “And when I do eventually overcome it, it’ll make a beating from Grimm seem like...well it’ll still seem like a beating from Grimm. Just with a really pretty girl nursing me back to health.”
See? It writes itself
Bull in a China Shop: I had Crazy Boy unofficially predicted to win the Underground match at LaL, but it wasn’t meant to be. Speaking of, CB is tailor made for that division. IMO. I find him to be a perfect fit for obvious reasons, so at Trauma, he’ll get another chance to deliver in that car crash environment. I really enjoyed the back and forth with CB and Carlos. Especially the whole “family reputation” getting ruined with losses. I love the conviction of still being a force to be reckoned with, despite the losses. The quips from Carlos could be extra motivation to get the W this week. I really enjoy Crazy Boy though. I pictured that entire exchange as I read it.
Oh. Well there it is. “I have said it time and time again, that Underground Rules and hardcore matches are my speciality.”
lmao, and again with Carlos interjecting right after. The banter feels like brothers talking, so that’s awesome. Inspires me to trash talk mine the moment he wakes up LOL. I loved your RP. Keep em coming!
Thirteen Year Itch – Epilogue: I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your work as Fierce as you well know from our talks, both what you do here and what you did for the Manifest Destiny tournament. And now that he won TIIT, I was looking forward to seeing how Fierce would be reacting to it.
“Or perhaps it was a simple, selfish need to prove something to the world, to prove that the name of Dan Fierce could actually be more than just a footnote in all of wrestling’s mid-cards.”
This. From where he was when you first brought him into PCW to the present is really cool to see. You’ve really taken off with the Fierce character, and the RP’s associated with him have been a real joy to read. Awesome way for him to take in the moment and just how big it truly is, by him holding the photo of his adoptive parents. Can feel the emotions of the situation there.
“They didn’t see the need to get dolled up over the top, since their celebration was going to start off with a few hours at Gay Pride, a rigorous night of bar hopping, possibly capped off with a few events in the bedroom that would make Olympic gymnasts green with envy.” LOL “If they could stay awake that long. They hadn’t celebrated much of anything anymore, it seemed. They had some time to make up for.”
The use of the Golden Ticket from Willy Wonka and how that applies to your achievement was a nice contrast. I really like how it captures the importance of not only winning the tournament, but also what it means to Fierce from a personal standpoint.
This was great, and especially with what’s transpired prior with the relationship between him and Brian.
“Tonight, he would be celebrating two victories. His main event win at Living a Legacy, and the beginning of the demolition of the wall that had been erected betwixt himself and the love of his life.”
When I seen that MURDOC of all people would be your opponent, I was eager to see what you’d have for the promo section. His realization of who Murdoc is and what he’s capable of was well stated. I think tall, dark and scary just about sums it up lol. Interesting match for sure.
Mrs. O’Leary’s Cow: And speak of the devil…lol jk! Jk! This was one badass RP. I’m a bit hazy on if I was around for any of Murdoc’s previous stuff. I’m sure I was, but idr. Anyway. Yeah. This (like a few others) was one of my favorite reads. The ultra-violent fantasies about what he’d do to Nathan Saniti were great. I’m sure it’ll come to pass at some point, but man. I really enjoyed the description of it.
There is quite a bit going on with his psyche. It really feels like, “Ok...where do I start first?”
“Forget Nathan Saniti. He has his own troubles to deal with; I’ll piss on the bones when his current troubles devour him.”
“Forget the tournament. I made my statement when I defeated a tournament’s worth of combatants in one match.”
This: “Don’t expect a match; expect aggravated assault. Because Dan, I’m aggravated. And when I get aggravated, there’s assault.”
I would NOT want to be Michael Wryght.
Oh man! “And Dan Fierce, when I FUCK YOUR FACE FROM THE NECK HOLE AS I WALK...” I’ll be laughing for awhile. Mental image of his head being the belt buckle and all.
That whole concluding paragraph was something. Lol. Man...Scary fucking guy, Murdoc is. Really looking forward to seeing what happens. Both the match AND Wryght’s decision making. Damn. Great stuff here.
The Seeds of Life – Chapter Four: I’m tempted to do this one IC. But I won’t. Lol. Per usual this was another well written chapter. I’m looking forward to see what comes next as time progresses, but one step at a time. There was some really good pieces of emotional description here.
“In fact, he hadn’t left it’s candy-filled side since the end of the program. He’d felt a form of defeat that was abysmal, eternal.” And especially this: “All that mattered was what had happened to Kelli. He bore the blame for all of it, and it weighed on his heart like an cruise ship’s anchor. He had wept in horror until the tears had all but dried up. He’d run his hand through the candy occasionally, as if his love had gone to pieces and he was looking for just the right way to put her back together.”
Really love that bit. Just connected so well for me. It also led to a good transition to the mentioned Seeds of Life and having no idea where to start in the search for them. The match with Ellis is a curiosity especially given the new found partnership of sorts. Much like Ellis vs Kelli at LaL.
And then the trinket alerts you to the seed held by NCM as he is shown getting wheeled into a familiar hospital. Nice job in working in an Alice quote. It was an excellent final stretch of the RP, the build continuing towards collecting the remaining seeds. Clearly a race against time because of the immediate danger that lurks on the other side of the spectrum from it all. But this was nicely tied together by your final paragraph:
“For a brief moment, Nathan had been offered a respite from the emotional turmoil of his missing lover. He felt hope. He felt courage. Most of all, he felt patience. There was something reassuring his soul that all would work out for the best. He knew he would find his love and put an end to all of this madness. All he needed was a little patience.”
The Enforcer: Shooting Fish in a Mug: I generally find things that Jenks says or does that give me a chuckle. There wasn’t a whole lot of it here, but that’s not to say that I didn’t find something. In general, I like the character and ditto to the issues with St. Jury. Baby Jenks is a different contrast to her sister (btw, what happened to the list? Or did I miss something?). So what we have here are a couple of so-called “thugs” looking for a fight. The one named Katana Blade was funny. Idc, the side character and being referred to as Sketch is hilarious. It absolutely sounds like an awful street name lol. But then it gets followed up with an emphasis on BABY JENKS.
The finger puppets and mockery of being demonic was funny. Tonindopa, hahaha. But yeah. I liked the effort.
The Power of Words: Yes! I really liked Kaard’s reaction to losing his title. The rampage in the room and it being taken out on a training dummy rocked. I don’t have the card pulled up, but the match with Alexa could be the match of the night. His outright dismissal thanks to anger in facing her was nice. Again, the little things. He wants Grimm, he knows he had the match won and more importantly, he wants his title back. His mentor being the voice of reason and trying to get Kaard to settle in so he realizes the task at hand was again, nicely done. Only...the daredevil’s tongue slipped.
“Who the hell do you think you are? Do you have any idea how hard I’ve worked for this? The sacrifices I made? You’re just some has-been who couldn’t hack it in this business so you got roped into this. I’ve accomplished more in less time than you ever did, James.”
Ouch.
This was a solid RP all around. Really enjoyed what rounded things out as it continued playing on the theme of the title. Good job, Tom!
And finally…
Darkside Skittles: I love the RP title. Just saying. As I had mentioned privately, I love the Kelli Starr character. She’s very lovable and exudes this child like innocence. One of those you don’t want to see harmed, but more than capable of kicking someone’s ass and kicking it hard. She’s lots of fun to read. I won’t get too wordy about it having had discussions prior with you about how I read her. As with the others who mentioned the closing LaL segment, it worked well here for transitional purposes. Because now we have HER pov from within and what she was doing that allowed her to transport to a safer place, leaving behind candy in her place. Totally coincides with what we know from previous RP’s as it pertains to the teachings of Nathan Saniti.
“Please. Let me out. I’m sorry. Please let me out. I won’t do it again. I’m sorry, please Daddy, I won’t do it again. I won’t tell anyone. Please just let me out.”
between that and what followed, there was quite an emotional impact. Then she realizes she’s NOT a child, let alone human anymore. Nicely put. My favorite part was the consoling from N. Saniti and how she went back to feeling a child, knowing she had comfort and safety from...well, the hell she had just went through. Really looking forward to seeing what comes next.
Hopefully you enjoy your time here.