I'M BACK!!! (But only for this show.)
Oct 18, 2016 23:35:43 GMT -5
Grimm, Nathan Saniti, and 1 more like this
Post by Sadistic on Oct 18, 2016 23:35:43 GMT -5
Where in the hell have you been?
That's a very good question.
Sunday. December 13th. 2015.
It was the last time the Faithful had seen the Phenom. The last time William Ian Dillinger had stepped foot in Hangtown. It marked the date that Billy Sadistic's record-breaking title reign came to an end courtesy his brother Grimm's hand.
So.
Where in the hell have you been?
Away...
There was cause for a new layer of uneasiness to fall upon the citizens of Hangtown. It had been ten long months since Billy Sadistic had graced All Soul's Hollow, but PCW's measuring stick and Hangtown's Unhinged Son was returned.
After all, not even Sadistic would miss a competition of this caliber. A showdown of epic proportions. A battle to end all battles! The grandest match of the entire year!!!
The Hangtown Fall Festival's very own: Annual Hangtown Pie Eating Competition!!!
(Don't worry Epic Trauma 200 Special Anniversary Ten Person Tag Match, we'll get to you later.)
The ridiculous eating showdown between the Brothers Gruesome was one of the most anticipated attractions of the year, rivaling and possibly surpassing the Dillingers' yearly Christmas blood n' guts extravaganza. Last year's spectacle ended with Phinehas walking away with the Festival Championship.
“Hello, Billy. I've got a few questions for you. Please don't eat my face.” The local newspaper reporter was both timid and cautious. William's reputation preceded him. “Have you been training for your competitive eating contest with your brother?”
“Absolutely,” came Sadistic's chipper response, a twinkle in those anti-freeze green eyes. However, his tone quickly took a dark turn. “Although I've been training naturally. Wish I could say the same for my brother. He's probably in a bathroom somewhere with a syringe hangin' out of his rump.”
“Wait, are you insinuating that Phinehas is using...unnatural methods...to gain a competitive advantage?”
Sadistic feigned innocence. “Look, I ain't accusin' him of nothin'. Alls I'm sayin' is last time I saw him, he was cradlin' a bucket of growth hormones.”
“Soooo...I'm pretty sure you just accused your brother of using steroids?” The young chap was perplexed by the accusation. “Has anyone confronted Phinehas with these accusations?”
“Naw, man,” Sadistic whispered, trying to hush the beat writer. “You wouldn't wanna wake him, anyhow. He's probably sleepin' in his hyperbaric chamber. Tryin' to get a little edge, ya know?”
“I...I don't know what to say about this,” said the writer. “I'm shocked, so say the least.”
“Look, you and me both, partner.” Sadistic gave a firm pat on the shoulder as he turned to leave. “I'd just stay away from my brother's beehives if you know what's good for ya. Might stumble across his oxygen rich blood vials...”
“Blood doping, too?!”
So here we are. Ground zero. The site of what is sure to be certain catastrophe. The heroic challenger “The Phenom” Billy Sadistic faces off against younger brother and defending champion “The Cheating Bastard” Phinehas Grimm. William is the first to arrive. A crowd of Hangtown's eager onlookers has already assembled for this surefire monstrosity. The elder Dillinger addresses the masses.
“Alas, the event is upon us,” proclaims the Phenom as he removes his shirt in preparation of the carnage sure to come. The crowd mutters and whispers amongst themselves. Billy looks to have gained at least fifteen pounds of solid muscle since last they saw him. His deltoids and biceps bulge as thick veins spidering down his forearms throb with every heartbeat. “Time for the true KING of Hangtown to finally reclaim his throne!!!”
Several of the citizens in attendance shout their approval, but the ruckus quickly dies out as the defending champion and all-around underhanded competitor makes his entrance. He gazes upon the gathering with icy daggers before turning his attention to his brother. The custom-made championship belt fits snug around his waist. The faceplate is a beautiful, hand-carved piece of stained oak fastened to a tanned leather strap. It's okay, but it would look much better around the waist of the Sadistic One.
“Ho, ho, ho,” taunts Sadistic. “Lookie who decided to show up. Finally! The SHAM-pion! He cheated to beat me last year – we both know I HATE rhubarb pie! - and he's been cheating all year long with hopes that he might stand a chance 'gainst me this time! Don't let that skinny frame fool ya, people, he's on the juice!”
The people take in the physique of the Abomination of Desolation. While sinewy, slender, and muscular, it's nothing out of the ordinary. Then they turn their attention to Sadistic and his hulking form.
“You should talk,” retorts Phinehas.
The response visibly irritates Sadistic. “I'm gonna beat you and you know it! I'm gonna eat all them pies, and I'm gonna take that belt from you! Just like Murdoc took the PCW title from you!!! Just like I should've been crowned champion last year!”
The crowd lets out a collective gasp. Phinehas peers at his brother with a cool eye.
“Last year? As in last year, when I took this belt from you...right before I took the World Championship from you?”
If the masses were quiet earlier, now you can hear a pin drop.
Instead of lashing out violently, Sadistic goes calm. “That's okay. I've developed a foolproof technique to bury you in the dust this year. An all-but-forgotten abdominal technique that will allow me to store more food.” Putting both of his hands behind his head and bending at the knee in a half squat position, Sadistic slowly thrusts his hips forward. “The vitally important pelvic thrust.”
Phinehas studies his brother, but he can contain himself no longer. “Well, brother...” he begins,”I, too, have been using the vitally important pelvic thrust.” And Phinehas also demonstrates the exercise.
The people share a collective look of bewilderment as the pelvic thrusting intensifies. Sadistic's face becomes maniacal. Phinehas thrusts so hard that the championship comes undone and falls to the ground. The fans erupt into wild cheers, as if this is a normal occurrence. Which it is. Just as their pelvic thrusting reaches a fever pitch, a long horn bellow reverberates through the town signaling the start of the dreaded contest. The thrusting stops as both men shuffle into the competition tent to settle the score once and for all.
(The writer may have taken some creative liberties with the relaying of this story. But probably not.)
Trauma 200. An impressive milestone. To commemorate such an event, the powers that be have prepared for the Faithful an unforgettable ten person elimination match. Unforgettable indeed.
On one side, the side most likely to lose, we have Dan Fierce, Rick Majors, Nathan Saniti, Kelli Starr, and a mystery partner. By all rights, Fierce is a colorful, glitter blowing, highly talented individual that nearly went coast to coast in the Deadly Rumble. Unfortunately for Fierce, he was eliminated by the eventual winner and his current teammate, Rick Majors. While Majors has been a "major" player with the company off and on over the past few years, much like Dan Fierce, their paths had never crossed with Sadistic's.
And then there were the little lovers. Candy Girl Kelli Starr and her beau Nathan Saniti. Or is that N. Saniti? One can't be too sure. But what one CAN be sure of is the bitter history between the three. The epic, centuries-long struggle between he Black Hand and Saniti. The struggle between Saniti and Sadistic over the attention of one Miss Starr. Saniti wanting to attain the hand of the lovely dub stepping diva and Sadistic wanting to do...well, God-knows-what with her. Rest assured that Sadistic is chomping at the bit to get his hands on either of the lovebirds...and possibly his teeth.
Last, but not least, a mystery partner? Rumors swirl as to the identity of this man or woman. Could it be Eira? Whitey Ford? Ace Anderson from commentary? Blade Lionheart? Mr. Cosmos?! Or perhaps the hammerjacked Buck Brochamp?! Whichever way the fifth member pans out, it really won't make much of a difference.
For whatever reason, the PCW booking committee has decided to put together a Dream Team reminiscent of the 1992 U.S. Olympic basketball squad. First, we've got the current and reigning North American Champion. The Black Widow herself, Alexa Black. It goes without argument that she is the most violent competitor in PCW history with at least two confirmed kills under her belt.
Next up is Seromine, better known to Billy as Jason Willard. Formerly one half of legendary tag team Tha UnHoly Alliance, Seromine and Sadistic appear to be cut from very similar cloth. Both aggressive competitors with extensive history in tag team competition, the two should be able to work together nicely. Also, Seromine happens to be the reigning International Champion, in case you forgot.
Next up is the Cornerstone of PCW, Billy's brother Phinehas. Together, they make up the most dominating tag team in PCW history, the Hangtown Horrors. Individually, they are the longest reigning PCW World Heavyweight Champion and greatest PCW World Heavyweight Champion, respectively. Their teamwork is legendary. When they're not trying to kill each other.
And last, but certainly not least, is the monster himself. Living legend, fearsome beast, and current PCW World Heavyweight Champion, Murdoc. Widely considered the single most dominating entity in the history of the federation, the man is a walking wrecking crew. Sure, there's a bit of tension between Sadistic and Murdoc that dates back to the Black Hand versus the Order. And Murdoc might still be slightly annoyed after Sadistic caused Eira to have a little miscarriage, but dammit! He'll just have to get over it so they can work together as a cohesive unit.
But seriously, Pure Class Wrestling has booked four top stars and a mystery opponent against a juggernaut of champions and hall of famers. A group of dreamers against a Dream Team in a dream match up. Kudos, powers that be. Lead the lambs to slaughter. The masses will have their pound of flesh.
Are you not entertained?
That's a very good question.
Sunday. December 13th. 2015.
It was the last time the Faithful had seen the Phenom. The last time William Ian Dillinger had stepped foot in Hangtown. It marked the date that Billy Sadistic's record-breaking title reign came to an end courtesy his brother Grimm's hand.
So.
Where in the hell have you been?
Away...
* * *
Two days ago.
There was cause for a new layer of uneasiness to fall upon the citizens of Hangtown. It had been ten long months since Billy Sadistic had graced All Soul's Hollow, but PCW's measuring stick and Hangtown's Unhinged Son was returned.
After all, not even Sadistic would miss a competition of this caliber. A showdown of epic proportions. A battle to end all battles! The grandest match of the entire year!!!
The Hangtown Fall Festival's very own: Annual Hangtown Pie Eating Competition!!!
(Don't worry Epic Trauma 200 Special Anniversary Ten Person Tag Match, we'll get to you later.)
The ridiculous eating showdown between the Brothers Gruesome was one of the most anticipated attractions of the year, rivaling and possibly surpassing the Dillingers' yearly Christmas blood n' guts extravaganza. Last year's spectacle ended with Phinehas walking away with the Festival Championship.
“Hello, Billy. I've got a few questions for you. Please don't eat my face.” The local newspaper reporter was both timid and cautious. William's reputation preceded him. “Have you been training for your competitive eating contest with your brother?”
“Absolutely,” came Sadistic's chipper response, a twinkle in those anti-freeze green eyes. However, his tone quickly took a dark turn. “Although I've been training naturally. Wish I could say the same for my brother. He's probably in a bathroom somewhere with a syringe hangin' out of his rump.”
“Wait, are you insinuating that Phinehas is using...unnatural methods...to gain a competitive advantage?”
Sadistic feigned innocence. “Look, I ain't accusin' him of nothin'. Alls I'm sayin' is last time I saw him, he was cradlin' a bucket of growth hormones.”
“Soooo...I'm pretty sure you just accused your brother of using steroids?” The young chap was perplexed by the accusation. “Has anyone confronted Phinehas with these accusations?”
“Naw, man,” Sadistic whispered, trying to hush the beat writer. “You wouldn't wanna wake him, anyhow. He's probably sleepin' in his hyperbaric chamber. Tryin' to get a little edge, ya know?”
“I...I don't know what to say about this,” said the writer. “I'm shocked, so say the least.”
“Look, you and me both, partner.” Sadistic gave a firm pat on the shoulder as he turned to leave. “I'd just stay away from my brother's beehives if you know what's good for ya. Might stumble across his oxygen rich blood vials...”
“Blood doping, too?!”
* * *
Present day. The Hangtown Fall Festival.
So here we are. Ground zero. The site of what is sure to be certain catastrophe. The heroic challenger “The Phenom” Billy Sadistic faces off against younger brother and defending champion “The Cheating Bastard” Phinehas Grimm. William is the first to arrive. A crowd of Hangtown's eager onlookers has already assembled for this surefire monstrosity. The elder Dillinger addresses the masses.
“Alas, the event is upon us,” proclaims the Phenom as he removes his shirt in preparation of the carnage sure to come. The crowd mutters and whispers amongst themselves. Billy looks to have gained at least fifteen pounds of solid muscle since last they saw him. His deltoids and biceps bulge as thick veins spidering down his forearms throb with every heartbeat. “Time for the true KING of Hangtown to finally reclaim his throne!!!”
Several of the citizens in attendance shout their approval, but the ruckus quickly dies out as the defending champion and all-around underhanded competitor makes his entrance. He gazes upon the gathering with icy daggers before turning his attention to his brother. The custom-made championship belt fits snug around his waist. The faceplate is a beautiful, hand-carved piece of stained oak fastened to a tanned leather strap. It's okay, but it would look much better around the waist of the Sadistic One.
“Ho, ho, ho,” taunts Sadistic. “Lookie who decided to show up. Finally! The SHAM-pion! He cheated to beat me last year – we both know I HATE rhubarb pie! - and he's been cheating all year long with hopes that he might stand a chance 'gainst me this time! Don't let that skinny frame fool ya, people, he's on the juice!”
The people take in the physique of the Abomination of Desolation. While sinewy, slender, and muscular, it's nothing out of the ordinary. Then they turn their attention to Sadistic and his hulking form.
“You should talk,” retorts Phinehas.
The response visibly irritates Sadistic. “I'm gonna beat you and you know it! I'm gonna eat all them pies, and I'm gonna take that belt from you! Just like Murdoc took the PCW title from you!!! Just like I should've been crowned champion last year!”
The crowd lets out a collective gasp. Phinehas peers at his brother with a cool eye.
“Last year? As in last year, when I took this belt from you...right before I took the World Championship from you?”
If the masses were quiet earlier, now you can hear a pin drop.
Instead of lashing out violently, Sadistic goes calm. “That's okay. I've developed a foolproof technique to bury you in the dust this year. An all-but-forgotten abdominal technique that will allow me to store more food.” Putting both of his hands behind his head and bending at the knee in a half squat position, Sadistic slowly thrusts his hips forward. “The vitally important pelvic thrust.”
Phinehas studies his brother, but he can contain himself no longer. “Well, brother...” he begins,”I, too, have been using the vitally important pelvic thrust.” And Phinehas also demonstrates the exercise.
The people share a collective look of bewilderment as the pelvic thrusting intensifies. Sadistic's face becomes maniacal. Phinehas thrusts so hard that the championship comes undone and falls to the ground. The fans erupt into wild cheers, as if this is a normal occurrence. Which it is. Just as their pelvic thrusting reaches a fever pitch, a long horn bellow reverberates through the town signaling the start of the dreaded contest. The thrusting stops as both men shuffle into the competition tent to settle the score once and for all.
(The writer may have taken some creative liberties with the relaying of this story. But probably not.)
* * *
Trauma 200. An impressive milestone. To commemorate such an event, the powers that be have prepared for the Faithful an unforgettable ten person elimination match. Unforgettable indeed.
On one side, the side most likely to lose, we have Dan Fierce, Rick Majors, Nathan Saniti, Kelli Starr, and a mystery partner. By all rights, Fierce is a colorful, glitter blowing, highly talented individual that nearly went coast to coast in the Deadly Rumble. Unfortunately for Fierce, he was eliminated by the eventual winner and his current teammate, Rick Majors. While Majors has been a "major" player with the company off and on over the past few years, much like Dan Fierce, their paths had never crossed with Sadistic's.
And then there were the little lovers. Candy Girl Kelli Starr and her beau Nathan Saniti. Or is that N. Saniti? One can't be too sure. But what one CAN be sure of is the bitter history between the three. The epic, centuries-long struggle between he Black Hand and Saniti. The struggle between Saniti and Sadistic over the attention of one Miss Starr. Saniti wanting to attain the hand of the lovely dub stepping diva and Sadistic wanting to do...well, God-knows-what with her. Rest assured that Sadistic is chomping at the bit to get his hands on either of the lovebirds...and possibly his teeth.
Last, but not least, a mystery partner? Rumors swirl as to the identity of this man or woman. Could it be Eira? Whitey Ford? Ace Anderson from commentary? Blade Lionheart? Mr. Cosmos?! Or perhaps the hammerjacked Buck Brochamp?! Whichever way the fifth member pans out, it really won't make much of a difference.
For whatever reason, the PCW booking committee has decided to put together a Dream Team reminiscent of the 1992 U.S. Olympic basketball squad. First, we've got the current and reigning North American Champion. The Black Widow herself, Alexa Black. It goes without argument that she is the most violent competitor in PCW history with at least two confirmed kills under her belt.
Next up is Seromine, better known to Billy as Jason Willard. Formerly one half of legendary tag team Tha UnHoly Alliance, Seromine and Sadistic appear to be cut from very similar cloth. Both aggressive competitors with extensive history in tag team competition, the two should be able to work together nicely. Also, Seromine happens to be the reigning International Champion, in case you forgot.
Next up is the Cornerstone of PCW, Billy's brother Phinehas. Together, they make up the most dominating tag team in PCW history, the Hangtown Horrors. Individually, they are the longest reigning PCW World Heavyweight Champion and greatest PCW World Heavyweight Champion, respectively. Their teamwork is legendary. When they're not trying to kill each other.
And last, but certainly not least, is the monster himself. Living legend, fearsome beast, and current PCW World Heavyweight Champion, Murdoc. Widely considered the single most dominating entity in the history of the federation, the man is a walking wrecking crew. Sure, there's a bit of tension between Sadistic and Murdoc that dates back to the Black Hand versus the Order. And Murdoc might still be slightly annoyed after Sadistic caused Eira to have a little miscarriage, but dammit! He'll just have to get over it so they can work together as a cohesive unit.
But seriously, Pure Class Wrestling has booked four top stars and a mystery opponent against a juggernaut of champions and hall of famers. A group of dreamers against a Dream Team in a dream match up. Kudos, powers that be. Lead the lambs to slaughter. The masses will have their pound of flesh.
Are you not entertained?
