Trauma 211 RP Feedback

[Grimm]

Time Lost and Perspective Gained: First off, just let me say I dig the Alex Tamora RPs so far. I think a big part of it (for me personally, at least) is that the pieces don’t go out of their way to explain every little time-travel aspect or future gadget. RPs that serve as information dumps are a pet peeve of mine, and goodness knows there’s plenty of opportunity for that to happen with this character, but we’re allowed to piece things together on our own and just enjoy the ride. Keep it up!

[Alex Tamora]

I meant to get this up for the last couple of shows but things have been hectic.

The Drink: I love the opening description of darkness. It gives the whole roleplay an uneasy sense of claustrophobia and panic. For me personally it got a little dense in the middle, a little hard to follow. But that ending, that ending was intense. I look forward to seeing where High Tide lands and I look forward to facing you next week. Good luck, sir.

The Star of Babylon - Lust: I freely admit that I may not have been paying close attention recently but the exchange at the brothel (I assume it's a brothel.) has me very intrigued. I want to know more about the Captain and the Madaam and their purpose for Neville. The break from olden times to new worked very well, it didn't leave anything hanging and it wasn't jarring. I hope Nathan and Kelli can get rid of their emotional baggage, I'll be reading to find out if they do.

The Next Storm: Whitey makes it really hard to like him sometimes but I can't help but cheer for him. I loved the excessive lengths he was willing to go get into the mindset of a pirate. I'd have liked to see him talk about the match a little bit more but what he had in there was very well put said and did a good job of putting High Tide over. Plus this RP had the best line of all, "..whatever, do pirate things!"

Reopening: The one seemed a little rough grammatically but the content was good. The image of a grizzled old veteran trying to compete with a younger crowd is really good if done well and besides the bit of grammar issues, this one was done well. I enjoyed seeing the dynamic between High Tide and Wasp and enjoyed watching them get back together at Trauma.

Feels Like Coming Home for the First Time: I don't even know where to start here, I can't tell if what's happening is real or not. If it's actually going on or if it's a game that Kyle is deep inside. But then again I write about being a time traveler so I dig weird. My biggest complaint here is actually the portion where he talks about WASP, it was well written but it really buried him. I've always been of the opinion you should build your opponent up because if you do then no matter the outcome you look better. Whereas if you bury them then you either gain nothing by winning or you look foolish for losing. Just my opinion but otherwise I really liked this RP and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Resurrection: Part Two - Black Mass: Well that's certainly some imagery to get things started. You can almost feel the filth and despair that surrounds NCM(at least I think it's NCM), it's depressing to be sure. My biggest issue with this piece is actually the formatting. It's very start stop, which makes it a bit hard to read. Having just joined, I feel like I'm missing a lot of back story for your current story, but the current stuff is good enough that I'll definitely keep reading to catch up.

God Hates a Coward, Sonny: That was chilling. I can't tell if there's actually anyone in the church with Grimm or if it's all spirits and ghosts. What little I've seen of Hangtown suggests it's not out of the realm of possibility.

Yin and Yang:  I had the same issue with this that I had with Mentis' RP, very start stop stutter step which to me messes with the flow of the piece.  There were a couple of spots where proofreading wouldn't hurt either, such as misspellings or redundant words.  I liked Hiroshi's workout routine, as well as the little translation tidbits.  It added a nice touch to what could have been a very flat scene otherwise. 

Purifying Fire:  That was absolutely chilling, it's not hard to see why you won this week.  I liked how all the little changes to what used to be his home annoyed and angered Gabriel, to the point that he actually called himself out on it.  Good luck this week.

Come All Ye Faithful:  When I read the opening on this one I can actually hear it as a grainy old recording.  The style of delivering an RP as a homily works really well and gives the whole thing a creepy, cultish vibe. 

And to Grimm, I'm glad you're enjoying my work as I'm enjoying writing it.  I didn't want to get too bogged down in techno babble for how and why things work, it's more of a "because shut up" style which I'm having a lot of fun with.

So there's some more feedback, I'll try to get it up as RP's are posted this time around.

[Kyle Shane]

In my defense, I was brought up role-playing the exact opposite way, focusing more on what you said about the opponent and the match more than the story of the week. You critique everything about an opponent from their win loss record to what they said, you leave them with nothing they can reply back to, you win the match. And even if that leads to a no-win scenario, Kyle Shane is a narcissistic little pisshead who is obsessed with collecting achievements like PS4 trophies, there is virtually no way he would want to build an opponent up.

And that was the close of a storyline I had started when I came here. It was getting unwieldy and convoluted because I suck, so it was my plan to cap it off this week.

I can feed back others in a bit when I get to my desk. I fear writing feedback because I'll sometimes just be like "...this was great /ends"

[Alex Tamora]

That's fair. Everyone has a different way of doing things. That's just my personal view on it.