Post by Sicko on Jul 12, 2017 4:32:24 GMT -5
From the personal files of Doctor Daniel Shomron, LCSW, PhD, MD.
Audio tape - date stamp, 27th of September, 2011 - file # 003:
Begun working new rotation in long-term care this afternoon. I had a brief group session with the residents in Hall C. Nothing formal to get diagnoses, just initial reactions and to build a rapport. The patients on this Hall were notably subdued. A good amount of it is the dosage of meds prescribed - a glance at the charts has shown that most of these residents here have been docile. I think that people get a bad image from movies. Everyone expects a mad house to be a riot of constant activity, of raving men hopping around in tied waistcoats and gibbering madly. But mental illness is not what is portrayed so frequently as "crazy". At a normal level these men under our care have regressed to a form of childhood and as such, our job as caretakers is to clean up after them. And to herd them out of their shells. In my experience with the right coaxing, you can nudge someone back onto the path no matter how far they've strayed.
Additional notes from the therapy session: two notable residents. There is a mountain of a man here. His caseworker does not have his exact records - some filing fooforaw, I expect. He's been on Hall C for at least six months but still doesn't have a diagnosis. I aim to change that. His words came in stilted fragments. His eyes were so glassy I thought perhaps the nurses had given him the biggest dose of lithium that they could, even if it wasn't warranted. (An issue to discuss at staff meeting, it's atrocious, absolutely atrocious, I - nevermind). He sat there, hunched over, contritely looking around him like a lost little boy. This massive man is a titan of muscle that could bend steel with his hands from the looks of him, but his mind is so broken that he can't form a coherent thought. And he has no reason to trust strangers. His name is Ephrain, and I believe with that nudge we talked about I can push him to contribute in group, or to build a bond for one on one therapy.
The second resident is, well, she's a little spit-fire. (Chuckling) Her clinical diagnosis reads like a laundry list of red flags, narcissistic, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, lack of empathy - makings of a news story, this one. Her name is Mariah Bamford, and she's just aged into our little band of merry men through the juvenile system... She provided conflict flashpoints with the group from the start...
Video tape, date stamp 27 of September, time stamp 22:45-23:01, tape # 01
(It's a group of six people, all seated in scholastic desks, and a medium built Jewish man facing them. He's dressed warmly, with a fuzzy sweater and mocassins, and they are all wearing various assemblies of grey sweat uniforms. The camera audio has a feedback to it, making the entire sound have a little crackle with every motion.)
Shomron : So, who wants to tell the group what they hope to achieve in here?
(Half of them look at each other. They're a diverse group, both racially and in terms of their care... two of the men in the group are on so many meds that their presence here is just a token as they sit and stare off into space. Nobody wants to start. A skinny, nearly teenaged boy in a skull cap and boots with his uniform raises a hand.)
Lester: I, uh, I'm here for my addictions... I can't keep doing meth to get away from my problems, you know what I'm saying...
Shomron: Very good, Les. Yes, addiction can be a long-term problem, and the fact that you're here in the group talking about it is a good step. We can start working on what triggers keep leading you back to meth, and in time, we're going to make it so you don't even need it.
(The audio picks up a harsh buzz, that registers as a scoff. The camera focuses in on the one girl in the group. She's dark-haired, with a lock of her hair covering one eye. She has her arms folded in defiance.)
Mariah: Addiction to chemicals is weakness. You traded it in out there, to come in here and get more chemicals. All of these sheep here... on chemicals. You'll find no help here, mister meth man... Heh... you'll just be pumped full of more chemicals and it won't give you no answers to what you're really missing out of your life... which is a purpose.
(The doctor holds a pleading hand up to the girl.)
Shomron: Mariah is it? ... Mariah, please, Lester was sharing... when it's your turn to share, you can tell us why you're here and what you want to accomplish...
(Mariah speaks over him, confidently, her voice rising like that of a fanatic.)
Mariah : I know why I'm here..... I was sent here on a mission... a holy one, to me... I'm an avatar, and I came to spread my word..... He whispered it to me, told it to me in my ear when I was laying in bed... my Lord came to me and began caressing me... He pulled my top off and began running his forked tongue alllll over my body... telling me over and over again my purpose, to go forth and do his work here... Heh...
Shomron : Mariah, please... that's a little inappropriate for this group...
Mariah: What's inappropriate?! Talking about how my Lord ripped the clothes off my back and made me squeal for him, made me get on my knees for him? How he handled me so roughly, but opened my eyes up to the beautiful releases of PAIN and POWER? How he told me how I can live forever?
(Mariah has loomed over another resident in the small, six-man semi-circle, sitting next to her. She is a ghoul in hanging dark hair and a grin that can be seen plainly even on the closed-circuit feed. Her prey is Vinnie, a long-term resident, a shrinking little man, goose egg bald and with eyes roughened by drugs and lack of sleep, that are staring out frightened from where he is peeking between his fingers.)
Mariah: This one over here is getting off on it... this meek little lamb who's been dulled by the drugs... aren't you? Don't I see your little cock getting stiff under your greys when I tell you about what my purpose is?... Do you want to commune with me and learn the real secret path to power?
Vinnie: ...Doc, she's scaring me...
Mariah: I hope, Doctor, just to find someone who'll listen to what I have to say... maybe you'll be that somebody?
(An orderly, someone big and square-shouldered, with the build of a life-long military man, steps into the shot. This is Ruggero, head orderly, security, and the law on this Hall. He holds a flat hand up to the squirming, smirking snake in the midst of the therapy session.)
Ruggero: Get fully back in your seat, resident, or you'll get a shot. Nurse?
(A nurse steps in behind Ruggero on his command. The nurse has a leather binder, with a zipper, and when the zipper comes open, then a needle comes out and in go the strong drugs, the horse trank stuff, the things that will really put you down.)
Mariah (Her voice is a sing-song, a playful lilt.): Don't want no trouble, mister Or-DER-layyyy. Hey, these sheep want to live blind, that's fine with my lord...
(She sits, obediently, when Ruggero steps closer as if to aggressively shut her mouth.)
Mariah: It isn't my fault that you reject what he's offering. What he gave to me with thrusts of iron and lashes of barbed wire... it isn't my fault that you deny what he can do for you...
(The doctor, at the head of the group, senses he's losing control of this...)
Shomron: Mariah, we are going to have an extensive talk in therapy about the inappropriate sharing. Some of the people in our company have triggers to sexual abuse and I urge you to be kind and think of the impact of your words on your fellow residents. That's all.
(A voice off to the side of the group speaks up, so faintly that the audio on the tape registers it as a scratchy barely-there syllable, but it catches everyone in the shot by such surprise that they all look in the direction of the giant man sitting slumped, staring straight ahead, who has spoken for the first time in all of this...)
Ephrain: ...My lord...
(Mariah turns to face him. The younger girl's face beams out in a smile as if she's seeing something for the first time, and she finally brushes the covering of hair away from her second, horribly burned and scarred side of her face.)
Mariah: Well, hello, handsome...
(video log ends, time stamp 23:02:43)
Audio tape - date stamp 27th of September, 2011, file #03, addendum:
Mariah's influence is palpable on the group. Some of the more harmless residents shrink from her with an almost superstitious aversion. Even the more religiously inclined perform their rituals and cross themselves when she's in a room. But she has a charisma - almost a magnetism to her, as many people with powerful delusions and narcissistic tendencies do, and I can't help but think that she might have a negative input on the development of the regressed members of our group if left to fill their heads with her personal reality. Most troubling is the bond she seems to have formed with Ephrain after leaving the group. I observed them together, sitting side by side, working on a puzzle and Mariah talking to him the entire time. If Ephrain is to be brought out of his shell, I need to get to work quickly. But that will have to wait until the next session. So I wanted to apologize to you, Diane, since I missed the dinner you made for us and the Svensen's, I know how much effort your roast is for you. I'll be down later after I finish case notes. I love you. Entry ends.
Audio tape - date stamp 12th of October, 2011 - file # 09:
I have ordered a separation from Ephrain Ortiz and Mariah Bamford. Clinically, she was upsetting him, and she was setting back the progress of others. Lester Faucett was triggered by her constant baiting and criticism of him for being "weak". She is a negative factor. Trying to get her transferred. But on a positive note, Ephrain's progress in the group a few weeks ago seems not to be a fluke. Ephrain was able to put together a full sentence for the first time in weeks... curiously, it was to explain the origin of the Italian ice cups that came as a side dish after evening meal. His recital of the origin of Italian ice was non-sequiturial, almost covering up a mental tic, but it was a sentence. Progress, indeed. I am very pleased, Diane... I want to see my patients succeed here. These are people, not sheep. Mariah is wrong about that one. I see potential in all of these individuals, beautiful, bright, alive potential to leave Springvale and form meaningful contributions to the community. If I can excise the negative backtracking factors that harm the group's progress, I think we might have something here. Love you, honey. Be down for dinner soon. Entry ends.
Audio tape - date stamp 23rd of October, 2011- file # 17:
It's not an illusion. Ephrain is coming out of his shell. I have nothing but positive reactions for him. This will show that damn Torberg in the staff meetings. Aggressive medication hampered progress, but with a lighter dose and more interaction, Ephrain is mobile and active. He even seems sunny. He has attained a position in the orderly assist program with the kitchen. He even spent last Friday down in the children's ward, if you can believe that. He showed them how to make homemade popsicles with ice cube trays and toothpicks. As I observed him hand out frozen treats to the younger residents, a deep calm and jovial demeanor came to settle on him. I should have to probe this deeper, but it appears Ephrain has found his happy place when he's handing out popsicles. This is very exciting. I think I might be able to write a paper on his progress. I just wish I could find his medical history, as I feel there's much more to the story of Ephrain Ortiz than his previous Primary Care Provider was able to establish. I can't even get more than a vague timeline, and a rumored connection to some freak clown that called himself, Sicko, or some such, well, anyway, it's all a bit like unearthing an artifact buried under sands; just carefully brushing away and trying not to break the pieces. (Chuckling) I have so much more to write on Ephrain's recent progress. I'd better get back to it. Entry ends. Oh, um. I love you.
Audio tape - date stamp 2nd of November, 2011 - file # 20:
Lester Faucett took his own life tonight. Mariah was seen on the basketball court with him for their entire recreational period. Leaned in close to him, speaking at a whisper, and he held his head down dejectedly. Then, when it came time for Ruggero to bring them in, he had them line up, and ask to cross back in to the facility one by one, per protocol. Lester was showing signs of distress, but said nothing. When he entered the tv room, he spotted Nurse Reinhard with the shots, and he was able to take the binder from her and quickly give himself a dose with several needles at once. It was too much for his heart. I - I can't even compose accurately what happened. I was in my office when the Code went up. Resident down. I can't believe. They were all doing so well, Diane. Ephrain, Jones, Lester... God, Lester, he was making such progress - what did she - what did that witch say to him to trigger such despair that he -
No. Strike that. That is not a fair judgement, it's a negative human reaction. These are people in pain. Mariah is a person in pain, and trying to use mind games to achieve a position of power and superstition here for her own goals, but for all of that, she is not in a place where she can undo all that I've been working with these people to do. She will not. I will not allow it.
Oy meesa masheena.
Uh, entry ends.
Audio tape - date stamp 4th of November, 2011- file # 22:
She got out.
She got out of solitary on the B hall, under strict orders from Ruggero to keep her medicated. I - I don't agree with medicating someone so badly that they aren't in control of their facilities, but having to wipe someone's bum to clean the kaka and a little bit of shmutz on their mouth is a small price to pay for having a dangerously charismatic sociopath spreading venom through my Hall. She was to be kept on a locked wing, under orderly observation round the clock and not allowed to leave. But she was found, nude as the day she was born strolling towards room #309 on our Hall. Ephrain's room. Why would she return to see Ephrain? Ephrain was shivering when I checked on him. Whimpering, speaking in riddles and nonsense but her - how did she do it?
What am I dealing with here?
Video tape, date stamp 5th of November, time stamp 03:28-03:41, file # 47:
(The camera is set on a tripod, recording from the point of view from behind the therapist's desk. There's a small figure sat across the table from him, so slight of build you might think she was a wisp. Over half of her face is covered by a lock of hair, and to cover her naked body she's been given a hoodie and pair of scrubs that are both too many sizes too big, the hoodie slipped down over one shoulder, exposing scarred and burned flesh with the third-degree burns in the shape of what seem to be human handprints.)
Shomron: Mariah? ...are you lucid enough to talk?
Mariah: Mariah is just a house where I'm living, man...
(She isn't looking up, at the camera, she sits still, but slumped, and her head is down as if she's almost asleep. She has been given enough trank to knock out an elephant. A stern torso stands behind her, only the top half up to the shoulders and the arms folded business-wise across the chest are visible behind her. Ruggero making sure of no further foolishness.)
Shomron: Mariah, you are exerting a dangerous influence here on my patients, and I will not tolerate it. Now, doctor Torberg was consulting on your file and he wanted to up your dose of halperidol and thorazine... I, I don't agree with over-medicating but I can't see anything else that can curb your behaviors. Do you understand me, Mariah?
(She looks up, across the table, lock of hair covering one eye, the other eye a pin-point dot of blazing madness. Her grin spreads wide over her face.)
Mariah: You want me to be a good little sheep. Put me right out so I can jump the fence like all of your little group lambie-lambs. Baa, baa, baa...
Shomron: I tell you, yaldah, I don't want to do this, but you aren't leaving me with any other options...
(Mariah raises out of the seat with such a boneless, fluid motion that it's disturbing. Ruggero's giant form looms closer to the girl.)
Ruggero: Resident, you will sit down, or -
Mariah: None of you understand. The only one who is receptive is Ephrain... my little lost sick boy...He's into it. He knows that the only way to guarantee immortality is to feed our lord pain. To feed them human misery. And that's why this was the perfect place to hide and to grow because, this was a cesspit of human misery. You garden it here like a greenhouse. You have your strong monkeys in suits march us around, doping us up, dulling the human's minds with drugs and ordering us when to eat, when to go outside in the sun, when to go to group or to the art room to make clay pots... you poke at their heads and pick out demons and claim that you're fixing them... but what you can't see is the sickness that infests this place, serious house on serious earth... will never go away. It is a cancer. It starts like a tumor, a tiny little cherry pit right there in your lobe, and it spreads... from organism to organism... from meat sack to meat sack... rotting them from the inside out. Only through releasing this cancer, only in cracking it open like an egg and letting it drip through can you live.
(The doctor's voice shakes, so perturbed is he at the ranting girl, spitting and pontificating across his desk.)
Shomron: Mariah, you can't possibly believe that...
Mariah: The world is broken, doctor Shomron... I know you like to think you can put the shells back together, but you're no shining hero... you are just another one that has the cancer growing inside of you... it's worse for you... because you're addicted to looking at the darkness now, and you can't look away from it...
Shomron: No... no, that's, I'm sorry, there can be health and rehabilitation for any case, with time and a lot of work. Mariah, I'm sorry, I feel like I've failed you a bit.
Mariah: You didn't fail me, doctor...
(She slithers onto the desk. There is a disturbing effect to this on the camera, as it moves in a speed and time and her body coils in a manner that is not natural as she crawls onto the desk, coming closer to the camera, and to the doctor.)
Shomron: Mariah, Mariah, no!!
(She kisses him, although this part is concealed by the sudden shakiness of the camera, and then as it rights itself, the big brawn of the soldier-like body of orderly Ruggero is pulling her away.)
Shomron: What... what are you?!
Mariah: Can't find me in a medical journal...
(She twists around in Ruggero's grasp, trying to push him off.)
Mariah: GET OFF ME!!
Ruggero: You're getting a shot!!
(He fumbles for a binder with the needles and doses of tranks. He also struggles to keep her pinned down with one arm around her.)
Mariah: Human...... get... off!!
(She grabs his body and pulls him down, taking a bite out of his neck with her teeth. Ruggero's throat immediately begins gushing blood.)
Shomron and Ruggero: (screaming)
(Video log ends, time stamp 03:42:09)
Audio tape, date stamp 5th of November - file # 23:
(Five minutes of sobbing)
Audio tape, date stamp 5th of November - file #23, addendum:
What have I let into this ward. I looked into her eyes as she bit down into Ruggero's neck. Merciless, rapacious. The eyes of a shark. Not human. All I can think. Did she know I was afraid- did Mariah - so scared - she said - looked in my eyes- said she wasn't human. But when the orderlies came in and tackled her, they tased her, she stopped. She went unconscious and there was so much blood, so much- I can't, I'm so sorry, Diane, I can't fuc- I can't fucking do this -
(Crying)
Audio tape, date stamp 5th of November - file #23, addendum:
Everything has calmed down. Medics have come and taken Ruggero away. Police have come and got their statement, and Mariah - goy, when they took her out in cuffs. I know they are taking her to the secure wing, away from the mental health wing, but I can only hope that they find the deepest, darkest hole under the earth and throw her in. I know that's not professional as a therapist, but I have just seen into the eyes of the first human - no, the first thing I could ever consider truly... evil. And it terrified me. But what was the scariest about it was that she raised very serious concerns for me about the human condition. Are we all sick? Is the world cancerous, rotting people from the inside out, spreading misery and hatred from person to person? Then what was Mariah, an instigator of said misery or, as she claimed to be, some harbinger that feasted on it when it was unleashed? I suppose what I'm asking is if there really can be rehabilitation in the face of this, or if she was right and in trying to find a cure, we spread the disease. I can find no answers. I'm tempted to think of my Nietszche here, "those who gaze into the abyss," but there's more to it than that. Because an abyss is empty. An abyss is uncaring, unfeeling... but when I looked into the dark of that- that monster's eyes, I didn't see unfeeling... I saw passion, rapture, and... hunger for more. And looking into that scares me more than an abyss looking back into my soul.
I'm sorry, Diane. I am so sorry.
Entry ends.
Video tape, date stamp 11th of December, 2011, time stamp 10:23-10:25, file # 52:
(It is a woken giant who diligently sits, knees nearly up to his chest in the small rec area not built for men like him, in front of a table with a puzzle spread out in front of him. He's examining pieces. His eyes are bright, and alert. The camera is set up for this session to record for the doctor's posterity, on this strange romance that bloomed on his ward and the death it lead to. Ephrain pays no mind, until the doctor gently speaks to him.)
Shomron: Ephrain, I think it's time we talked about Mariah...
(Ephrain looks up in curiousity, his eager face beaming, as if he wanted to know more about her.)
Ephrain: Is she here now?
Shomron: No, Ephrain... I just wanted to talk to you because I think she may have been telling you things that made you, well, a little confused.
Ephrain: You must think very little of me, then... that you think I am confused.
Shomron: Haven't I been trying to help?
(Ephrain remains noncomittal as he pushes puzzle pieces out of the way, searching for the right piece, not looking at the doctor or the camera. But you can see it on the edges of his facade, a deep rage is welling in his screaming eyes.)
Shomron: Ephrain, did Mariah tell you she was -
(He stops himself, hating himself for this, but having to ask a more direct question.)
Shomron: Ephrain, do you think Mariah was human?
(Ephrain's grin is sudden, and it splits over his face like a breaking dawn. He looks up into the camera for the doctor.)
Ephrain: I think she's coming back.
(The doctor gives the most exasperated, desperate sigh, then leans forward so his elbows are visible. He presses Ephrain, pushing him for information.)
Shomron: What did she do, Ephrain? What was Mariah? What was she to you?
(He pauses fractionally before thinking of his answer.)
Ephrain: The most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
(video log ends, time stamp 10:26:01)
Audio tape - date stamp, 27th of September, 2011 - file # 003:
Begun working new rotation in long-term care this afternoon. I had a brief group session with the residents in Hall C. Nothing formal to get diagnoses, just initial reactions and to build a rapport. The patients on this Hall were notably subdued. A good amount of it is the dosage of meds prescribed - a glance at the charts has shown that most of these residents here have been docile. I think that people get a bad image from movies. Everyone expects a mad house to be a riot of constant activity, of raving men hopping around in tied waistcoats and gibbering madly. But mental illness is not what is portrayed so frequently as "crazy". At a normal level these men under our care have regressed to a form of childhood and as such, our job as caretakers is to clean up after them. And to herd them out of their shells. In my experience with the right coaxing, you can nudge someone back onto the path no matter how far they've strayed.
Additional notes from the therapy session: two notable residents. There is a mountain of a man here. His caseworker does not have his exact records - some filing fooforaw, I expect. He's been on Hall C for at least six months but still doesn't have a diagnosis. I aim to change that. His words came in stilted fragments. His eyes were so glassy I thought perhaps the nurses had given him the biggest dose of lithium that they could, even if it wasn't warranted. (An issue to discuss at staff meeting, it's atrocious, absolutely atrocious, I - nevermind). He sat there, hunched over, contritely looking around him like a lost little boy. This massive man is a titan of muscle that could bend steel with his hands from the looks of him, but his mind is so broken that he can't form a coherent thought. And he has no reason to trust strangers. His name is Ephrain, and I believe with that nudge we talked about I can push him to contribute in group, or to build a bond for one on one therapy.
The second resident is, well, she's a little spit-fire. (Chuckling) Her clinical diagnosis reads like a laundry list of red flags, narcissistic, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, lack of empathy - makings of a news story, this one. Her name is Mariah Bamford, and she's just aged into our little band of merry men through the juvenile system... She provided conflict flashpoints with the group from the start...
Video tape, date stamp 27 of September, time stamp 22:45-23:01, tape # 01
(It's a group of six people, all seated in scholastic desks, and a medium built Jewish man facing them. He's dressed warmly, with a fuzzy sweater and mocassins, and they are all wearing various assemblies of grey sweat uniforms. The camera audio has a feedback to it, making the entire sound have a little crackle with every motion.)
Shomron : So, who wants to tell the group what they hope to achieve in here?
(Half of them look at each other. They're a diverse group, both racially and in terms of their care... two of the men in the group are on so many meds that their presence here is just a token as they sit and stare off into space. Nobody wants to start. A skinny, nearly teenaged boy in a skull cap and boots with his uniform raises a hand.)
Lester: I, uh, I'm here for my addictions... I can't keep doing meth to get away from my problems, you know what I'm saying...
Shomron: Very good, Les. Yes, addiction can be a long-term problem, and the fact that you're here in the group talking about it is a good step. We can start working on what triggers keep leading you back to meth, and in time, we're going to make it so you don't even need it.
(The audio picks up a harsh buzz, that registers as a scoff. The camera focuses in on the one girl in the group. She's dark-haired, with a lock of her hair covering one eye. She has her arms folded in defiance.)
Mariah: Addiction to chemicals is weakness. You traded it in out there, to come in here and get more chemicals. All of these sheep here... on chemicals. You'll find no help here, mister meth man... Heh... you'll just be pumped full of more chemicals and it won't give you no answers to what you're really missing out of your life... which is a purpose.
(The doctor holds a pleading hand up to the girl.)
Shomron: Mariah is it? ... Mariah, please, Lester was sharing... when it's your turn to share, you can tell us why you're here and what you want to accomplish...
(Mariah speaks over him, confidently, her voice rising like that of a fanatic.)
Mariah : I know why I'm here..... I was sent here on a mission... a holy one, to me... I'm an avatar, and I came to spread my word..... He whispered it to me, told it to me in my ear when I was laying in bed... my Lord came to me and began caressing me... He pulled my top off and began running his forked tongue alllll over my body... telling me over and over again my purpose, to go forth and do his work here... Heh...
Shomron : Mariah, please... that's a little inappropriate for this group...
Mariah: What's inappropriate?! Talking about how my Lord ripped the clothes off my back and made me squeal for him, made me get on my knees for him? How he handled me so roughly, but opened my eyes up to the beautiful releases of PAIN and POWER? How he told me how I can live forever?
(Mariah has loomed over another resident in the small, six-man semi-circle, sitting next to her. She is a ghoul in hanging dark hair and a grin that can be seen plainly even on the closed-circuit feed. Her prey is Vinnie, a long-term resident, a shrinking little man, goose egg bald and with eyes roughened by drugs and lack of sleep, that are staring out frightened from where he is peeking between his fingers.)
Mariah: This one over here is getting off on it... this meek little lamb who's been dulled by the drugs... aren't you? Don't I see your little cock getting stiff under your greys when I tell you about what my purpose is?... Do you want to commune with me and learn the real secret path to power?
Vinnie: ...Doc, she's scaring me...
Mariah: I hope, Doctor, just to find someone who'll listen to what I have to say... maybe you'll be that somebody?
(An orderly, someone big and square-shouldered, with the build of a life-long military man, steps into the shot. This is Ruggero, head orderly, security, and the law on this Hall. He holds a flat hand up to the squirming, smirking snake in the midst of the therapy session.)
Ruggero: Get fully back in your seat, resident, or you'll get a shot. Nurse?
(A nurse steps in behind Ruggero on his command. The nurse has a leather binder, with a zipper, and when the zipper comes open, then a needle comes out and in go the strong drugs, the horse trank stuff, the things that will really put you down.)
Mariah (Her voice is a sing-song, a playful lilt.): Don't want no trouble, mister Or-DER-layyyy. Hey, these sheep want to live blind, that's fine with my lord...
(She sits, obediently, when Ruggero steps closer as if to aggressively shut her mouth.)
Mariah: It isn't my fault that you reject what he's offering. What he gave to me with thrusts of iron and lashes of barbed wire... it isn't my fault that you deny what he can do for you...
(The doctor, at the head of the group, senses he's losing control of this...)
Shomron: Mariah, we are going to have an extensive talk in therapy about the inappropriate sharing. Some of the people in our company have triggers to sexual abuse and I urge you to be kind and think of the impact of your words on your fellow residents. That's all.
(A voice off to the side of the group speaks up, so faintly that the audio on the tape registers it as a scratchy barely-there syllable, but it catches everyone in the shot by such surprise that they all look in the direction of the giant man sitting slumped, staring straight ahead, who has spoken for the first time in all of this...)
Ephrain: ...My lord...
(Mariah turns to face him. The younger girl's face beams out in a smile as if she's seeing something for the first time, and she finally brushes the covering of hair away from her second, horribly burned and scarred side of her face.)
Mariah: Well, hello, handsome...
(video log ends, time stamp 23:02:43)
Audio tape - date stamp 27th of September, 2011, file #03, addendum:
Mariah's influence is palpable on the group. Some of the more harmless residents shrink from her with an almost superstitious aversion. Even the more religiously inclined perform their rituals and cross themselves when she's in a room. But she has a charisma - almost a magnetism to her, as many people with powerful delusions and narcissistic tendencies do, and I can't help but think that she might have a negative input on the development of the regressed members of our group if left to fill their heads with her personal reality. Most troubling is the bond she seems to have formed with Ephrain after leaving the group. I observed them together, sitting side by side, working on a puzzle and Mariah talking to him the entire time. If Ephrain is to be brought out of his shell, I need to get to work quickly. But that will have to wait until the next session. So I wanted to apologize to you, Diane, since I missed the dinner you made for us and the Svensen's, I know how much effort your roast is for you. I'll be down later after I finish case notes. I love you. Entry ends.
Audio tape - date stamp 12th of October, 2011 - file # 09:
I have ordered a separation from Ephrain Ortiz and Mariah Bamford. Clinically, she was upsetting him, and she was setting back the progress of others. Lester Faucett was triggered by her constant baiting and criticism of him for being "weak". She is a negative factor. Trying to get her transferred. But on a positive note, Ephrain's progress in the group a few weeks ago seems not to be a fluke. Ephrain was able to put together a full sentence for the first time in weeks... curiously, it was to explain the origin of the Italian ice cups that came as a side dish after evening meal. His recital of the origin of Italian ice was non-sequiturial, almost covering up a mental tic, but it was a sentence. Progress, indeed. I am very pleased, Diane... I want to see my patients succeed here. These are people, not sheep. Mariah is wrong about that one. I see potential in all of these individuals, beautiful, bright, alive potential to leave Springvale and form meaningful contributions to the community. If I can excise the negative backtracking factors that harm the group's progress, I think we might have something here. Love you, honey. Be down for dinner soon. Entry ends.
Audio tape - date stamp 23rd of October, 2011- file # 17:
It's not an illusion. Ephrain is coming out of his shell. I have nothing but positive reactions for him. This will show that damn Torberg in the staff meetings. Aggressive medication hampered progress, but with a lighter dose and more interaction, Ephrain is mobile and active. He even seems sunny. He has attained a position in the orderly assist program with the kitchen. He even spent last Friday down in the children's ward, if you can believe that. He showed them how to make homemade popsicles with ice cube trays and toothpicks. As I observed him hand out frozen treats to the younger residents, a deep calm and jovial demeanor came to settle on him. I should have to probe this deeper, but it appears Ephrain has found his happy place when he's handing out popsicles. This is very exciting. I think I might be able to write a paper on his progress. I just wish I could find his medical history, as I feel there's much more to the story of Ephrain Ortiz than his previous Primary Care Provider was able to establish. I can't even get more than a vague timeline, and a rumored connection to some freak clown that called himself, Sicko, or some such, well, anyway, it's all a bit like unearthing an artifact buried under sands; just carefully brushing away and trying not to break the pieces. (Chuckling) I have so much more to write on Ephrain's recent progress. I'd better get back to it. Entry ends. Oh, um. I love you.
Audio tape - date stamp 2nd of November, 2011 - file # 20:
Lester Faucett took his own life tonight. Mariah was seen on the basketball court with him for their entire recreational period. Leaned in close to him, speaking at a whisper, and he held his head down dejectedly. Then, when it came time for Ruggero to bring them in, he had them line up, and ask to cross back in to the facility one by one, per protocol. Lester was showing signs of distress, but said nothing. When he entered the tv room, he spotted Nurse Reinhard with the shots, and he was able to take the binder from her and quickly give himself a dose with several needles at once. It was too much for his heart. I - I can't even compose accurately what happened. I was in my office when the Code went up. Resident down. I can't believe. They were all doing so well, Diane. Ephrain, Jones, Lester... God, Lester, he was making such progress - what did she - what did that witch say to him to trigger such despair that he -
No. Strike that. That is not a fair judgement, it's a negative human reaction. These are people in pain. Mariah is a person in pain, and trying to use mind games to achieve a position of power and superstition here for her own goals, but for all of that, she is not in a place where she can undo all that I've been working with these people to do. She will not. I will not allow it.
Oy meesa masheena.
Uh, entry ends.
Audio tape - date stamp 4th of November, 2011- file # 22:
She got out.
She got out of solitary on the B hall, under strict orders from Ruggero to keep her medicated. I - I don't agree with medicating someone so badly that they aren't in control of their facilities, but having to wipe someone's bum to clean the kaka and a little bit of shmutz on their mouth is a small price to pay for having a dangerously charismatic sociopath spreading venom through my Hall. She was to be kept on a locked wing, under orderly observation round the clock and not allowed to leave. But she was found, nude as the day she was born strolling towards room #309 on our Hall. Ephrain's room. Why would she return to see Ephrain? Ephrain was shivering when I checked on him. Whimpering, speaking in riddles and nonsense but her - how did she do it?
What am I dealing with here?
Video tape, date stamp 5th of November, time stamp 03:28-03:41, file # 47:
(The camera is set on a tripod, recording from the point of view from behind the therapist's desk. There's a small figure sat across the table from him, so slight of build you might think she was a wisp. Over half of her face is covered by a lock of hair, and to cover her naked body she's been given a hoodie and pair of scrubs that are both too many sizes too big, the hoodie slipped down over one shoulder, exposing scarred and burned flesh with the third-degree burns in the shape of what seem to be human handprints.)
Shomron: Mariah? ...are you lucid enough to talk?
Mariah: Mariah is just a house where I'm living, man...
(She isn't looking up, at the camera, she sits still, but slumped, and her head is down as if she's almost asleep. She has been given enough trank to knock out an elephant. A stern torso stands behind her, only the top half up to the shoulders and the arms folded business-wise across the chest are visible behind her. Ruggero making sure of no further foolishness.)
Shomron: Mariah, you are exerting a dangerous influence here on my patients, and I will not tolerate it. Now, doctor Torberg was consulting on your file and he wanted to up your dose of halperidol and thorazine... I, I don't agree with over-medicating but I can't see anything else that can curb your behaviors. Do you understand me, Mariah?
(She looks up, across the table, lock of hair covering one eye, the other eye a pin-point dot of blazing madness. Her grin spreads wide over her face.)
Mariah: You want me to be a good little sheep. Put me right out so I can jump the fence like all of your little group lambie-lambs. Baa, baa, baa...
Shomron: I tell you, yaldah, I don't want to do this, but you aren't leaving me with any other options...
(Mariah raises out of the seat with such a boneless, fluid motion that it's disturbing. Ruggero's giant form looms closer to the girl.)
Ruggero: Resident, you will sit down, or -
Mariah: None of you understand. The only one who is receptive is Ephrain... my little lost sick boy...He's into it. He knows that the only way to guarantee immortality is to feed our lord pain. To feed them human misery. And that's why this was the perfect place to hide and to grow because, this was a cesspit of human misery. You garden it here like a greenhouse. You have your strong monkeys in suits march us around, doping us up, dulling the human's minds with drugs and ordering us when to eat, when to go outside in the sun, when to go to group or to the art room to make clay pots... you poke at their heads and pick out demons and claim that you're fixing them... but what you can't see is the sickness that infests this place, serious house on serious earth... will never go away. It is a cancer. It starts like a tumor, a tiny little cherry pit right there in your lobe, and it spreads... from organism to organism... from meat sack to meat sack... rotting them from the inside out. Only through releasing this cancer, only in cracking it open like an egg and letting it drip through can you live.
(The doctor's voice shakes, so perturbed is he at the ranting girl, spitting and pontificating across his desk.)
Shomron: Mariah, you can't possibly believe that...
Mariah: The world is broken, doctor Shomron... I know you like to think you can put the shells back together, but you're no shining hero... you are just another one that has the cancer growing inside of you... it's worse for you... because you're addicted to looking at the darkness now, and you can't look away from it...
Shomron: No... no, that's, I'm sorry, there can be health and rehabilitation for any case, with time and a lot of work. Mariah, I'm sorry, I feel like I've failed you a bit.
Mariah: You didn't fail me, doctor...
(She slithers onto the desk. There is a disturbing effect to this on the camera, as it moves in a speed and time and her body coils in a manner that is not natural as she crawls onto the desk, coming closer to the camera, and to the doctor.)
Shomron: Mariah, Mariah, no!!
(She kisses him, although this part is concealed by the sudden shakiness of the camera, and then as it rights itself, the big brawn of the soldier-like body of orderly Ruggero is pulling her away.)
Shomron: What... what are you?!
Mariah: Can't find me in a medical journal...
(She twists around in Ruggero's grasp, trying to push him off.)
Mariah: GET OFF ME!!
Ruggero: You're getting a shot!!
(He fumbles for a binder with the needles and doses of tranks. He also struggles to keep her pinned down with one arm around her.)
Mariah: Human...... get... off!!
(She grabs his body and pulls him down, taking a bite out of his neck with her teeth. Ruggero's throat immediately begins gushing blood.)
Shomron and Ruggero: (screaming)
(Video log ends, time stamp 03:42:09)
Audio tape, date stamp 5th of November - file # 23:
(Five minutes of sobbing)
Audio tape, date stamp 5th of November - file #23, addendum:
What have I let into this ward. I looked into her eyes as she bit down into Ruggero's neck. Merciless, rapacious. The eyes of a shark. Not human. All I can think. Did she know I was afraid- did Mariah - so scared - she said - looked in my eyes- said she wasn't human. But when the orderlies came in and tackled her, they tased her, she stopped. She went unconscious and there was so much blood, so much- I can't, I'm so sorry, Diane, I can't fuc- I can't fucking do this -
(Crying)
Audio tape, date stamp 5th of November - file #23, addendum:
Everything has calmed down. Medics have come and taken Ruggero away. Police have come and got their statement, and Mariah - goy, when they took her out in cuffs. I know they are taking her to the secure wing, away from the mental health wing, but I can only hope that they find the deepest, darkest hole under the earth and throw her in. I know that's not professional as a therapist, but I have just seen into the eyes of the first human - no, the first thing I could ever consider truly... evil. And it terrified me. But what was the scariest about it was that she raised very serious concerns for me about the human condition. Are we all sick? Is the world cancerous, rotting people from the inside out, spreading misery and hatred from person to person? Then what was Mariah, an instigator of said misery or, as she claimed to be, some harbinger that feasted on it when it was unleashed? I suppose what I'm asking is if there really can be rehabilitation in the face of this, or if she was right and in trying to find a cure, we spread the disease. I can find no answers. I'm tempted to think of my Nietszche here, "those who gaze into the abyss," but there's more to it than that. Because an abyss is empty. An abyss is uncaring, unfeeling... but when I looked into the dark of that- that monster's eyes, I didn't see unfeeling... I saw passion, rapture, and... hunger for more. And looking into that scares me more than an abyss looking back into my soul.
I'm sorry, Diane. I am so sorry.
Entry ends.
Video tape, date stamp 11th of December, 2011, time stamp 10:23-10:25, file # 52:
(It is a woken giant who diligently sits, knees nearly up to his chest in the small rec area not built for men like him, in front of a table with a puzzle spread out in front of him. He's examining pieces. His eyes are bright, and alert. The camera is set up for this session to record for the doctor's posterity, on this strange romance that bloomed on his ward and the death it lead to. Ephrain pays no mind, until the doctor gently speaks to him.)
Shomron: Ephrain, I think it's time we talked about Mariah...
(Ephrain looks up in curiousity, his eager face beaming, as if he wanted to know more about her.)
Ephrain: Is she here now?
Shomron: No, Ephrain... I just wanted to talk to you because I think she may have been telling you things that made you, well, a little confused.
Ephrain: You must think very little of me, then... that you think I am confused.
Shomron: Haven't I been trying to help?
(Ephrain remains noncomittal as he pushes puzzle pieces out of the way, searching for the right piece, not looking at the doctor or the camera. But you can see it on the edges of his facade, a deep rage is welling in his screaming eyes.)
Shomron: Ephrain, did Mariah tell you she was -
(He stops himself, hating himself for this, but having to ask a more direct question.)
Shomron: Ephrain, do you think Mariah was human?
(Ephrain's grin is sudden, and it splits over his face like a breaking dawn. He looks up into the camera for the doctor.)
Ephrain: I think she's coming back.
(The doctor gives the most exasperated, desperate sigh, then leans forward so his elbows are visible. He presses Ephrain, pushing him for information.)
Shomron: What did she do, Ephrain? What was Mariah? What was she to you?
(He pauses fractionally before thinking of his answer.)
Ephrain: The most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
(video log ends, time stamp 10:26:01)
