Post by Nathan Saniti on Aug 5, 2017 20:36:20 GMT -5
Trauma 216 - The Iceys Show
Thursday August 3rd, 2017
Jerry Andrews: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Trauma 216, our bi-annual Icey Awards!
Ace Anderson: WOO HOO! Oh baby! I’m excited, Jerry! I can’t wait to see who won what this go-around.
Jerry Andrews: I’m with ya on that, Ace. We have a near capacity crowd here at the Pure Class Wrestling Arena, where the matches will take place, and a packed house at the Peace Center for the Icey Awards as well.
Ace Anderson: Not many companies have the ability to fill two venues to standing room simultaneously, by Pure Class Wrestling managed to pull it off.
Jerry Andrews: Let’s go live to the Peace Center to our correspondent Shane Dodge. Shane, what’s the atmosphere like over there?
Shane Dodge: Thank you, Jerry. Thank you, Ace. Man! It is electric here as the audience patiently awaits this star-studded event! Things are about to kick off here, so I need to get backstage. Back to you guys.
Ace Anderson: I think the people who put this together must have been going for an 80’s theme, judging from the list of presenters, Jerry.
Jerry Andrews: It wouldn’t surprise me in the least. It looks like things are getting started, so we’ll turn you over to the Peace Center.
The scene switches from the arena to the theater, where the appreciative audience gets seated as the lights dim, all eyes focused on the stage with a single podium set at the center.
“Ladies and gentlemen, your host for tonight’s Icey Awards, Emilio Estevez!”
Emilio steps out to Bon Jovi’s, “Blaze of Glory.” They patrons give the star a standing ovation as he appears from the back, waving appreciatively and returning their love. He takes a bow at either side of the stage before finally settling in at the podium. He waits for the commotion to die down before speaking. He chooses someone from the front row and looks at them pointedly.
Emilio Estevez: Yoo hoo! I’ll make you famous.
The audience applauds the uttering of one of his more famous lines from “Young Guns II.”
Emilio Estevez: Welcome! Welcome to the…
He pauses, patting his pockets as if attempting to locate something. Finally he pulls out a series of notecards.
Emilio Estevez: The Asseys? That can’t be right.
That audience laughs as he pats himself down again.
Emilio Estevez: Either I need to find my glasses or fire my agent. I’m not sure which.
An audience member in the front row points to the top of his head. Emilio parrots the motion, accidentally locating his spectacles. He feigns embarrassment, holding the card up again at length to get a good look.
Emilio Estevez: Welcome to the Iceys. You know, I can never be too sure. Sometimes my agent gets me and my brother, Charlie Sheen, confused when he books us for these things.
The peanut gallery guffaws at his quips generously. He tosses the note cards behind him. Soon thereafter, Charlie Sheen, dressed in a janitor’s coverall, pushing a broom, and a sour look on his face passes by, sweeping up the cards. The entire audience goes berserk.
Charlie Sheen: At least you got the GOOD job this time.
He grumbles a bit more as he finishes his task, crossing the stage. Emilio just watches, seemingly in shock as the whole thing transpires. He starts to speak, pauses, looking at where his brother exited, shakes his head, and continues.
Emilio Estevez: He probably got paid more for that cameo than I will for this whole gig. Welcome to our Icey Awards Show! I have to say that this is really impressive. People right here get to see the awards given out live, plus they get to enjoy watching the matches as they happen in the Pure Class Arena as they happen on the screen behind me. Conversely, the people in the arena get to watch the action live as the award show plays out on their screen. Essentially, everyone is getting the full experience, and both locations are packed! That’s one helluvan accomplishment!
The fans in both locations cheer wildly. Those at the theater more stately dressed than the much more comfortably dressed fans in attendance at the arena.
Emilio Estevez: It’s no secret that PCW… I’m sorry, PURE CLASS WRESTLING has become a staple here in Greenville, South Carolina. The Iceys are a way for the fans to pick who they think made an impact in several categories like Most Loved, Best Singles Star, Breakout Star, and the list goes on. This is their chance to give back to those in Pure Class Wrestling who put their bodies on the line at every turn to entertain them. So let’s get started with our first award. Here to present the award for Most Hated...
There is a pause.
Emilio Estevez: The Pacific Coast Wrassling President!
Out comes a midget, that may or may not actually be the man named, dressed like a bottle of douche riding in a canoe to no music. No special lighting. No nothing. He walks like Vince McMahon, paddling across the stage, and has the smugness of Donald Trump. Pinned on his jacket is an oversized button which reads “CEASE AND DESIST” in bold letters. He is escorted by a team of security who flank him from every side to prevent any...incidents. He’s met with loud f-bombs. All of which he brushes off.
President Douchecanoe: So THIS is the company who I screwed over? And by screwed over, I mean legally showed them MY ownership of YOUR PCW logo rights.
He clearly doesn’t endear himself to this crowd.
President Douchecanoe: I’ll get right to it. The past winners of Most Hated are...
A graphic rolls on the screen. It’s a timeline of previous winners:
2005: The Prophet
2006: “The Anarchist” Jason Willard (now known as Seromine)
Trauma 70: Non Compos Mentis
Trauma 93: Murdoc
Trauma 105: Justin Michaels
Trauma 116: AWAssholes
Trauma 126: Areas
Trauma 138: Marshall’s Law
Trauma 147: The Untouchables
Trauma 157: “The Asshole” Whitey Ford
Trauma 164: “The Asshole” Whitey Ford
Trauma 176: The Black Hand
Trauma 184: Alexa Black
Trauma 196: Alexa Black and The Darkness
Trauma 204: Seromine
President Douchecanoe: And now the nominees:
A video package shows highlights set to music of each of the nominees.
Alexa Black
Seromine
Razor Blade
Back to the podium.
President Douchecanoe: And the winner is…
"SEROMINE!"
The pipe organ of “Be Still for the Presence of the Lord” echoes throughout the arena. As an angelic children’s choir begins to sing the hymn, Seromine and his wife Destiny enter from behind the curtain. Slowly, the pair makes their way across the stage, stopping to “bless” some of those close to the barrier as a mixed reaction churns from the crowd.
Seromine, dressed in preacher’s garb straight out of the 1800’s, leads his wife, also dressed in a very conservative black dress with a white collar and cuffs and two white buttons on the front. His wide brimmed black hat and black coat lend a severity to his appearance as they make their way to the podium. President Douchecanoe takes his leave of the stage as the heat gets turned to the superstar readying to speak.
Seromine: This award may be for Most Hated, but I know it's the SIN in your lives, that is truly the most hated. Winning this in front of all of you, my faithful, is a sign that you will continue to PRAISE SEROMINE! PRAISE THE LORD! in the knowledge that I can cleanse your souls and purify your hearts. God loves all of you, and so do I.
The Serpentine Sermonizer holds his prize aloft as he and Destiny vacate the stage while Emilio returns to his duties.
Emilio Estevez: I have to say that this is the first time I’ve ever been part of an awards show that rewards bad behavior. Hey Charlie! I think I found your next job! Or you could work for that Douchecanoe. I hear he pays in opioids. Here to present the award for Most Loved, Betty White!
The all too familiar “Thank You for Being a Friend,” hits, as the lovable and lovely Betty White walks onto the stage. She receives a standing ovation and a personal sing-along as she graces the podium. Betty waves kindly to the faithful while thanking them for the warm reception. It’s a few minutes before it quiets down enough for her to finally speak.
Betty White: Thank you for that. You are all so kind and I just want to let you know, that it means a lot to me. Now I’m sure some may be wondering how Pure Class Wrestling could afford to have me here tonight. Well, it’s simple really. When I met with President Loki, I told him that if I had a dick, this is where he’d have to suck it!
The Lake Placid quip draws an “Oooh” and laughs from around the arena. Betty herself takes a moment to grin ear to ear at the joke, but eventually waves it off.
Betty White: One of the nominees has a most peculiar nickname. After I’m done here, I think I’ll find out how kinky Whitey Ford is!
Another suggestive joke from the former Rose Nylund. She winks at someone down below and steps away from the microphone, this time covering her mouth in innocence. She allows time for the noise to settle before she returns to proceed.
Betty White: I’m sure the producer is probably having a fit right now. But before I announce the nominees, I would like to say that I’m available… To host next time!
The notion bears a strong round of applause from the Faithful.
Betty White: And with that in mind, here are the nominees for Most Loved!
A video graphic flashes. It’s something that could fit right in with Valentine’s Day with how over the top the production value is. Each of the nominees has their names chiseled into candy hearts that flash up on the big screen:
Whitey Ford
Kelli Starr
Crazy Boy
Grimm
Betty White: And the winner is…
Betty tears open the envelope.
“Whitey Ford!”
Within a split second’s time and without warning, strobe lights cascade the fans and the arena while the heavy guitar riffs build up for "Determined" by Mudvayne. Once the lyrics kick in and the music roars louder, the arena is left dark as a crimson spotlight focuses on the center of the stage, just as a massive pyrotechnic spark erupts on either side of the curtain. Whitey Ford walks out with a purpose, holding the PCW World Championship over his head with pride. He surveys the crowd from the right side of the stage, nodding at their mixed reaction towards him even after his change of heart. In the end of it all, it makes him smile, and the title is dropped to his side. Dragging the gold belt, Whitey tosses it over his shoulder. He stands at the podium, raising the title once more over his head with one arm.
Whitey Ford: You know, as I came out here, I almost wanted to check the envelope that had the winners name inside to make sure that this wasn't a joke. Maybe Grimm is lurking behind the curtain, ready to hit me with a mulcher or a bottle of Roundup or whatever garden tool his prefers to use nowadays.
Whitey looks behind him suddenly, as if he expected his paranoia to come to fruition. The crowd laughs at his antics, but Whitey doesn't seem impressed.
Whitey Ford: Hey, that's not fucking funny! Have any of you been hit in the head with a shovel before?! That shit hurts. But, anyway...this is a huge shock. Years ago, I won most hated...twice I won the award, to be exact. To be fair, I was quite the asshole. To be even more fair, I still AM quite the asshole.
This garners a good reaction from the crowd, who start to cheer.
Whitey Ford: It just goes to show how much things have changed. I came into Pure Class Wrestling as part of the Albany Wrestling Alliance with a chip on my shoulder and something to prove. Over the years, I did just that...but I did it in such a way that I never thought I could be forgiven. The only way I could win was to be hated, and get under people's skin, and do the most heinous things...things I had to do to get to the top. Honestly...I don't think I can ever forgive myself for the things I've done, but they've made me the man I am today and shaped me into this.
Ford holds up the Most Loved Icey Award, and the fans give him a round of applause and support.
Whitey Ford: This award goes to show that anybody can change. If you're too nice, you can turn into an asshole. If you're too much of a prick, you can turn into a superhero and be loved. It's never too late to do more good than you've done harm. This award reminds me that you, the PCW faithful, have put trust in me to keep my promise to put the class back in Pure Class Wrestling. I promise you I'm going to be the fighting champion you deserve, and no challenger will be turned down. Ever.
Whitey Exits stage left as our host returns to his allotted spot.
Emilio Estevez: If that’s not an indictment of the U.S.A. today, I don’t know what is; a well known and self declared Asshole becoming beloved by the fans.
Emilio Estevez: Here to present the award for Best Singles Star. Please welcome...
There’s a pause.
Emilio Estevez: A former PCW World Champion!
Add in a dash of excited chatter. Could it be Lantlas? Justin Michaels? Pegasus?!
Emilio Estevez: Landon Divine!
None of the above. The crowd goes mild! It’s the man who hasn’t had ANYTHING to do with PCW since 2005. The man with the shortest title reign makes his return home to the playing of “You’re The Best Around” by Joe Esposito. Out he comes, looking like he raided Don Johnson’s wardrobe from Miami Vice. He pays absolutely no mind to the lukewarm reception he gets. Those who actually DO remember him, aren’t cheering. Divine walks up to the mic, looking disgusted by the fact he’s even there.
Landon Divine: Landon Divine has now officially donated to charity.
He backs away and flashes an arrogant smile the likes of which would probably appeal solely to Kyle Shane. As would the size of his ego. Divine mocks the jeers that are growing louder.
Landon Divine: Yeah I’d boo having to be here at this dumpster fire, myself. The ONLY reason this category even exists is because I retired. That way others could sympathetically have a chance to win it for once. Because if I hadn’t, and you know this to be true, since I am GREATER than all of you, the award would need to be renamed in my honor!
He continues.
Landon Divine: So. A video game nerd, false prophet, homeless leech and an asshole all walk into a bar. They leave the drunkard with the tab because he doesn’t know the meaning of ALCOHOLISM. Hey, Whitey? Rehab called. They said a wing is going to be named after you. Idiot. So these pretenders are the best? Whatever. Here are the nominees:
A video package of a the names of the nominees being spelled out in the stars like constellations plays as each name is called out.
Kyle Shane
Seromine
Non Compos Mentis
Whitey Ford
Landon Divine: This is for all of you lazy, out of work, welfare recipients. So ALL of Greenville! Button your lips and clean your ears, because SEROMINE is the winner!
The arrogant Alumni applauds as the Serpentine Sermonizer returns to the stage to accept his next award, still flanked by his devoted wife. His speech this time is even shorter than the previous one. The presenter barely has time to finish his exit before it is complete.
Seromine: Championships are won and lost. This? This can never be taken from me. But Nathan the SINNER will be taken from all of you!
Seromine and Destiny both leave as Emilio returns to lead the ceremony into its first commercial break.
Emilio Estevez walks out only in his boxers, socks, and a wife beater shirt. The audience enjoys the show, some, like Dan Fierce, in much different ways than others.
Emilio Estevez: Welcome back. While you were gone, we played a bit of strip poker in the back. Needless to say I need to work on my poker face. I’d also like to know why it is that even when my brother wins, he still gets naked.
The fans show their appreciation of the joke as he continues.
Emilio Estevez: Here to present the award for Best Match is Richard Dean Anderson, star of the hit television series, “Macgyver.”
The opening theme from “Macgyver” plays, ushering in the star of the show. Emilio bumps the podium, and a panel fall to the ground. Emilio looks shocked at the event, trying his best to right the panel. Richard Dean Anderson rushes over, pulling out a roll of duct tape from his coat. Together they affix the panel to its structure, using the tape. Emilio apologizes off mic as he exits to concede the spotlight. The presenter finally notices that the host no longer has pants.
Richard Dean Anderson: I came completely prepared for things to go wrong with furniture, yet there was no room left in my pockets for the bleach I need to get that image out of my mind.
The quip garners a round of applause.
Richard Dean Anderson: The nomi… Seriously guys? Who wears boxers with gummy bears?
He laughs a bit more, obviously caught off-guard by the host’s appearance. He finally composes himself enough to tend to the business at hand.
Richard Dean Anderson: The nominees for Best Match are:
A video highlighting the two matches in question begins.
Richard Dean Anderson: The World Title Match: Whitey Ford vs. Grimm at Living a Legacy IX and the Heaven and Hell Crucifixion Match: Nathan Saniti vs. Seromine, also at Living a Legacy IX! The winner, in a very tight race, is:
Richard Dean Anderson: Crucifixion Match Seromine vs. Nathan Saniti!
“Monster,” by Imagine Dragons begins to play. He gets halfway to the podium, when suddenly…
Seromine appears behind him, smacking across the noggin with a bible. The force of the blow is enough to drop the Mystical Magician. Seromine opens the book, emptying scraps of metal hidden within a carved pocket between the covers. He begins to stomp the life out of his foe. He raises his foot one last time, but Nathan catches it, sweeping the opposite leg. Instinctively, Nathan reaches to his hat, plucking a hatpin from its home. He goes to jab with the item, but stops himself short.
Seromine: DO IT! I DARE YA!
The Harvesters, as well as Destiny rush the stage to separate the pair, accompanied by some security to assist. Nathan returns the needle to its position, glaring daggers of hate into the preacher. Wordlessly, Naomi accepts the award from the television star, handing the duplicate to Destiny with more than a bit of attitude behind the gesture as she, Neville, and Rasputin lead the fuming Saniti off the stage.
Offstage, behind the curtains and as tucked away from the flow of foot traffic as possible, Shane Dodge stands next to a monitor. He is dressed in his Iceys finery, black tie and all, and he looks pretty pleased with himself. Grinning as only a television host can, he raises a microphone.
Shane Dodge: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a special moment in tonight’s Icey’s Awards. The Phantom of the Backwoods, the Lord of Misrule, Grimm himself, was unable to make it to the show, but we have him live in-house all the way from Hangtown via remote feed. Let’s go there now, shall we?
Shane turns expectantly to the monitor, which pops to life. He waits as the picture flickers into place and offscreen technicians fiddle with knobs and switches and whatnot until we get something resembling a clear shot.
Grimm sits in what must be one of the rooms in the rambling, shifting House of Grimm. There in All Souls Hollow where it is perpetually that mystical time between Fall and Winter, when the Dimming flows in and out of the Killing Frost over and again. A fire flickers low in a stone fireplace, the occasional ember shifting as the wood burns. Grimm sits in a rocking chair of cherry (or is that maple?) and rubbed down with several coats of linseed oil. He leans against the ladder back, rests comfortably on a seat of woven cane, drums his fingers on the rounded hand grips, and moves slowly back and forth on rocker blades resembling wooden machetes. The rocking chair displays great restraint in construction and exhibits an attitude of simplicity, utility, and honesty. Nothing of that prideful, deceitful ornamentation is to be seen. The same can be said for the minimalist side table to next to him, upon which rests Ye Old Trusty Utility Knife.
The Shovel stands in the corner behind him. Patient, yet nearly vibrating in anticipation.
Shane Dodge: Excuse me Razor but may I get a few moments of your time before your match this Monday…ohhhhh, I’m sorry, Grimm. I do apologize. It’s been awhile.
Grimm nods. Shane tries again.
Shane Dodge: What I meant to say was, Razor can you even defeat your opponents tonight DANG IT!!
Without breaking eye contact with whatever means of video transmission has brought him here, Grimm reaches over and takes up the knife. He thumbs the lever, and Shane jumps as the dreaded sound of the snicker-snack rasps behind him. No one’s there, of course, but even so.
Shane adjusts his tie and rolls his shoulders.
Shane Dodge: Get a hold of yourself, Dodge…so, Grimm. Here we are at another Pure Class Wrestling Icey’s Awards, something that you are well acquainted with. You’ve won your share of these awards over the years, but what does tonight mean to you at this point in your career?
Grimm: Well, Shane, not only does tonight show the roster that folks are paying attention to aspects other than just victories and titles, but it serves as something of a clear mark on the calendar. Another cycle has passed. It’s a good time to step back if only for a few days and reflect and re-evaluate the current state of the federation. The trajectory of one’s career. The pros and cons of fighting the good fight versus hanging up the boots.
Shane glances at the camera then turns back to the monitor.
Shane Dodge: And even though you’re not in attendance tonight, what has your most recent re-evaluation shown you?
Grimm: I’ll be honest, Shane…I’ve had a good run since the last Iceys. I got my hands on the World Title again. I faced down some of our strongest up-and-coming talent and come out victorious. I won Pure Class Wrestling’s first ever Battle Bowl tournament. That’s a successful few months by any definition.
Shane Dodge: You’ll get no argument from me. But I can’t let you go without acknowledging your statement regarding how your reflection involves considering whether or not to keep on. You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are you?
Grimm: I’m afraid not.
Snicker-snack
Grimm: I have no reason to leave. True, we’ve experienced a bit of an upheaval, a fluctuation, if you will, in the roster. It’s no secret we’ve slimmed down a little, but that’s all the more reason to stay and remind people what Pure Class Wrestling is, what it has always been, about. Besides, Grimm is part of the federation’s collective unconscious. Even if I were to leave, Grimm would be around these halls in some form.
Snicker-snack
Grimm: You’ll never be rid of me.
With that, static rises and the feed grows gritty, glitchy, and then quickly cuts out. The screen stands black as pitch but the audience still hears the creak of the rocking chair for a few more seconds before it, too, ends. Shane hits the side of the monitor with his hand in a last ditch effort, but to no effect. He shrugs and turns back to the camera with that grin of his.
Shane Dodge: There you have it, fans, straight from the Destroyer-at-Noonday’s mouth. Back to you!
Emilio Estevez: Here to present the award for Breakout Star, Corey Feldman!
The former child star comes onto the stage wearing a black hoodie over a pair of black jeans. He waves energetically to the fans while his own single, “Go 4 It” plays. Corey awkwardly dances his way to the podium, channeling his inner Michael Jackson while combining it with the robot. He may look silly and sound god awful, but the man is committed to giving it the full one-hundred. Corey pulls the hood down and beams from ear to ear. Where is the Today Show when you need it?
Corey Feldman: Woo! Thank you for the love and support, everyone! It is truly my honor to be here tonight!
He busts out a couple of more dance moves before deciding to get serious.
Corey Feldman: My latest album, Angelic 2 the Core is out in stores, so be sure to go buy it! All of these nominees deserve to be called Breakout Stars. And really, we all are stars in the sky. Don’t let anyone ever stop you from accomplishing your dreams! Here are the names for Breakout Star.
The names of Kyle Shane, Alyce Starchylde and Dominator flash across the screen. A brief highlight package rolls for each of them as glass breaks from the action presented. The award category gets highlighted at the end as the show cuts back to Corey. He applauds and then tears the envelope.
Corey Feldman: And the winner for Breakout Star is...
“Kyle Shane!”
"In the Morning And Amazing" by Circa Survive plays on the PA and Kyle Shane comes walking out, dressed in a swank looking suit that incorporates a pirate coat into a regular tuxedo ensemble. Kyle walks to the podium, and the presenter claps for him and allows Kyle to take a bow. Kyle walks up to the mic, takes the trophy for Breakout Star in his hands and eyes it proudly. Then he leans in to the mic and speaks with a big grin on his face.
Kyle Shane: You know I deserved this one.
There's a small laughing pop from the crowd, and they allow him to bask in his moment, cocky as he is about it.
Kyle Shane: I've been in this business for 8 years now. Long enough from training to travelling from different promotions for me to have accrued quite a run. I've won other awards before, but this one, right here, the Breakout Star for the mid-year of 2017 for Pure Class Wrestling is one of the highest because it feels like I am, just finally breaking out. I am breaking through my old routines and building something special here. I came from a place that I churned out content like it was on an assembly line before, and I had a ton of success there. But when I looked across the pond at PCW, and the line of talent they had there, I saw something different than what I had been doing. I saw a challenge that I had been looking for. And from the time I first walked through those doors back in November until now, I have accepted that challenge with a fire and a determination that I'd been missing for months, if not years, at my other employer, my "day job".
He laughs, a little soberly, and he looks down at the statue.
Kyle Shane: I fought and scrapped for everything I've had here so far. Even when it was felt that I didn't fit the mold here, even when I was doing promos that made you people squint your eyes in confusion a little bit, even when it felt like I didn't get the Pure Class Wrestling "style" I stuck with it, and I've continued to stick with it no matter who thinks that I don't measure up. Because I do measure up. You put a challenge in front of me and I'll knock it out of the park or break my hands trying. So to see all of that paying off, and being acknowledged by my peers, grudgingly or not, that yeah, I'm catching on, is gratifying.
He looks up with a wicked grin.
Kyle Shane: Cause I ain't done, baby. Not by a long shot. No, no. I'm not the kind of guy that's content with just being a rising star. This is just another achievement unlocked. I want every category available. If that means I have to piss you people off every single week to make myself most hated, I will, because you know I can get under your skin, or if that means I have to go out there and put on the most unforgettable performance week in and week out until I am the most loved, I'll do that too. Nothing is off the table for me…
He raises the trophy up over his head, clenched in his fist.
Kyle Shane: Because I am just getting started. Now it's time to get back to work. Thank all of the bitches that voted for me... next time we have these, I'll be running the board. You watch.
Typically arrogant words, but Kyle grins brightly and steps away, holding the trophy up and the crowd goes crazy applauding him. He relinquishes the stage to the host, but not before blowing kisses at all of the nerd-loving ladies in the front row.
Emilio Estevez: Our next presenters are no strangers to animosity, but they have since buried the hatchet, and it wasn’t in each other’s skull. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome co-stars of the show Beverly Hills 90210, Shannon Doherty and Jenny Garth!
The theme song for “Beverly Hill 90210” (circa 1990) pops over the speakers as the very well dressed ladies come out to share the spotlight once more. They hug like two people who would rather set themselves ablaze than be embracing the other.
Shannon Doherty: The nominees for Most Heated Rivalry are:
A video of flames searing the nominees into planks of wood shows as each pairing is called out. Highlights of each rivalry play out before the next pair is announced.
Jenny Garth: Dominator and Crazy Boy!
Shannon Doherty: Seromine and Nathan Saniti
Jenny Garth: Hiroshi Yukio and Kyle Shane
Both together: Nathan Saniti vs. Seromine!
Nathan Saniti and Seromine both emerge once more, security still trying to get the two under some sort of control. The ladies evacuate the stage in a panic, as fast as their high heels will take them. Security finally manages to get a handle on the skirmish as…
“This is Going to Hurt,” by Sixx A.M. plays. Out comes Loki! He stomps to the podium, removing the microphone staring pointedly at the two wrestlers.
Loki: You two need to make your way to the Pure Class Arena. If you two want to fight so badly, do it over there. If either one of you throws another punch in this building, you’ll be suspended without pay. Now what will it be? You gonna fight here, or do it where it belongs?
Both men reluctantly relent, being escorted off in different directions. Loki returns the mic to its place prior to announcing the next commercial break.
Emilio Estevez: Now that cooler heads have prevailed, we can continue with the show. Here to present the award for Best Entrance Music, the lead singer of Simple Minds, Jim Kerr!
The all too familiar “Don’t You Forget About Me” hits to a kind reception as the Scottish frontman walks out. He waves to the cheering faithful while mouthing the chorus to his band’s 1985 hit song.
Jim Kerr: Thank you. When we contributed that song Thirty-two years ago, there was no way of knowing just how important and talked about it would become over the years. That’s the power of music. You, the fans, keep these going for future generations and without you, there would be no us!
Jim applauds with the crowd and appears humbled in the process.
Jim Kerr: When it comes to entrance music, you hear them as you want to hear them—in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. This music is for A Black Widow. A Born Psycho. A Hollywood Wonderland Crazy. And A Hangtown Horror. Here are your nominees for Best Entrance Music!
Brief excerpt from each star’s entrance flash over the screen as their names are mentioned.
Alexa Black “Blood on my Hands” - The Used
Non Compos Mentis - “Scum of the Earth” by Rob Zombie
Alyce Starchylde - “Blood in the Cut” by K. Flay
Grimm - “Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drum” by A Perfect Circle
Jim Kerr: What an interesting group. With that in mind, the winner of the award is:
Jim Kerr: NCM!
Non Compos Mentis appears from the back, flanked by several members of the hobo horde. Wordlessly, he stalks up to accept the award as it is given to him. He glances at it and hands it to one of his entourage, who looks at it with much more adulation than his leader. The Hobo King turns on his heel and makes his way off stage without a speech at all. A pint-sized man looks at Jim Kerr, and invites him to join them as they exit.
The screen at the theater pops to life, showing footage of the Pure Class Arena as the first match of the night begins to unfold.
Match One
One Fall
Underground Rules
Underground Title is on the Line
Lunatic vs. Gabriel
Referee: The Masked Referee
Sasha Greene: The following contest is an Underground Title match! Introducing first…
A familiar smiley comes onto the PCW-Tron as "Make Us Insane," by Powerman 5000 blares.
Blood begins to ooze from the symbol, seeming to drain down the screen, down the video wall, and onto the ramp. Yellow and blue lights scamper in an erratic pattern all around the arena. Flashes of lightning flicker brightly on the screens.
Sasha Greene: From Kansas City, Missouri. He weighs one-hundred ninety-five pounds. Being led by The Good Doctor, Lunatic!
Lunatic comes out, the Good Doctor leading the way. The look in Looney's eyes isn't too far removed from that of his symbolic smiley; menacing and laser focused. He stalks down the ring, picking fights with fans around the ring, eventually rolling inside the squared circle to a corner, where he rocks impatiently for the next victim to hear their last bell.
Sasha Greene: And his opponent...
The lights go out. Suddenly the arena is completely lit up with white light as the opening notes of "There's a World" by Neil Young play.
Sasha Greene: From Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Weighing two-hundred nineteen pounds, he is the Underground Champion, Gabriel!
Gabriel emerges, wearing a tan button up shirt, brown overalls and heavy dark boots. He clasps his hands together and smiles widely before walking down to the ring.
"There's a world you're living in
No one else has your part
All God's children in the wind
Take it in and blow hard.
Look around it, have you found it
Walking down the avenue?
See what it brings,
could be good things
In the air for you.."
Gabriel climbs the ring steps and pauses. He then enters the ring, says a quick prayer, and awaits his opponent/the start of the match.
DING!
DING!
DING!
Not even three seconds after the bell rings, does Gabriel tell Lunatic, “The Lord says hello!” after which he throws his newly won Underground title at Looney. The moment he catches it, Gabriel introduces the gold plating to his face with a running dropkick. Lunatic is driven backwards into the corner, dropping the trinket while doing so. Gabriel charges in and meets him with a clothesline to further smash him into the buckles. Lunatic flails upward. Gabriel goes to work with knee strikes to the midsection. With Lunatic doubled over, the knees are concentrated on the face. Gabriel prevents his head from whiplashing back by cinching his hands behind Lunatic, allowing him to be rag rolled out of the corner. Gabriel leans down and scoops up his title. He marches to Lunatic and wastes little time in using it as a makeshift whip. The studded snaps redden the back of Lunatic as he tries crawling away from the stinging punishment. This only angers Gabriel.
Jerry Andrews: Gabriel already finding a new use for his first title here in Pure Class Wrestling!
Ace Anderson: You see? Good things come to those who praise Seromine!
Jerry Andrews: Must you start already?
A quick shock from the collar courtesy of The Good Doctor snaps Lunatic out of it. The challenger doesn’t take kindly to being jolted, but it’s enough to get him to mule kick the champion. Gabriel drops the title and finds himself crashing face first into the center plate. Lunatic springs onto his feet and is on Gabriel like a caged animal who has been released into the wild. He frantically swings for the fences with closed fists, not caring where they hit or even if they do. It’s primal to say the least. Gabriel is brought to his feet and catches a shot above the right eye. Lunatic scores with a fast mandible claw, pushing his fingers down the throat of Seromine’s chosen one. Gabriel swings his arms wildly, looking for either the ropes or a way out of the predicament. Lunatic cinches it, but finds his grip loosening. That’s because Gabriel is biting down with as much pressure as he can, drawing trace blood in the process. He stomps the feet of Lunatic, finally freeing himself, but needing a breather. Gabriel catches a snap powerslam for his troubles and rolls out of the ring to save himself.
Jerry Andrews: Smart move by Gabriel there.
Ace Anderson: I’m surprised he didn’t toss his cookies with how far down Lunatic was pushing his disgusting fingers. Or should I say filth, Jerry? Gabriel is here to cleanse!
Jerry Andrews: Are you drinking the same brand of Kool-Aid?
While gagging and probably in need of mouthwash (who knows where Lunatic’s fingers have been, especially if he thinks about Alexa Black), Lunatic has used the corner as a springboard. He comes down with THE FLYING AAHH! No that isn’t what he calls it. It’s his yell as he delivers a clothesline. Gabriel rolls head over heels. Lunatic is on the champion, much to the delight of his burlap sack headed therapist. Gabriel is scooped up and finds his legs caught between the middle and bottom ropes. Lunatic jumps on the apron and comes down on the hanging Gabriel. His head and neck snap into the floor, while his legs slink out of their predicament, releasing his full body. Gabriel’s pained expression tells the story. Lunatic reaches under the ring and pulls out...a scantily clad photo of Earnest Borgnine…? Ok then. The Good Doctor gives him another shock treatment for introducing the oddity. Lunatic fights with the collar and turns his attention towards his handler. The Good Doctor instructs him to look again.
Jerry Andrews: Well...that’s an image that will be lingering in people’s dreams tonight.
Ace Anderson: Knowing him, it isn’t the only photo he has…
Gabriel has heard enough of this hogwash. He shoves Lunatic into The Good Doctor. He falls down, while Lunatic collides with the ring post. He goes flipping over them with authority. Gabriel crushes the photo frame as he makes his way over. Lunatic is the recipient of a chop block that sends him cartwheeling like a baseball flying by Charlie Brown. Gabriel drags him sideways to the railing, where he then sandwiches his head against it with a knee to the left ear. The motion repeats ten times. Gabriel gives Lunatic no time to react. He’s hoisted from behind and dropped in a compromising position across the railing. Gabriel hops over and hits an awkward looking reverse DDT into the front row. Lunatic’s head hits the floor as he’s folded in half in front of the front row faithful. Gabriel knees down and begins to pray.
Lunatic is bodyslammed over the railing with a loud splat from the floor impact. Gabriel balances himself momentarily on the barrier. He comes down with an elbow drop. Lunatic is thrown back into the ring, but won’t be alone. The Underground starter pack is sent inside, drawing cheers from the fans. Chairs. Kendo Sticks. An ominous looking ladder and a pair of tables. Gabriel stops himself long enough to go plant The Good Doctor down with a clothesline. If for no other reason, than to prevent a third shock treatment. You wouldn’t want Lunatic receiving any others. Gabriel rolls into the ring, but is met with a VICIOUS steel chair shot to the back. Lunatic flips it upside down and begins driving it into the spine of the Underground champion. It is then wedged in the corner where Gabriel is ran head first through it like a battering ram. Looney picks him up and...does a waltz? Ok then. He leads Gabriel around the ring, humming nonsensically to himself, before spinning him with a belly-to-belly suplex.
Jerry Andrews: Unusual to say the least, but would you expect anything less from Lunatic?
Ace Anderson: I think the Good Doctor needs to increase the voltage on those shock treatments.
Lunatic moves into the Daffy Stomp, audibly heard yelling “Woo Hoo, Woo Hoo!” as BOTH feet get used. The finale has him leaping in the air and landing Indian style, but rather than getting Gabriel’s chest, he finds canvas. Gabriel may have been getting the business, but he has the POWER OF THE LORD on his side! Gabe sits up and begins gouging Lunatic’s eyes. With him blinded, it gives him the chance to gather his wits and retrieve the very steel chair that was used on him. He swings it like a baseball bat into the face of Lunatic and then goes to town. It’s almost as if he is seeing Nathan Saniti instead, because the shots are straight brutal. The Good Doctor frantically hits the shock device, but a combination of electricity and bone crushing pain has Looney neutralized. But you know Lunatic hates it. Gabriel spins and throws the bent chair at the feet of the Doctor, forcing him away from the ring. Gabriel exits the ring, only to return with a cable. He uses that as a whip, putting welts across the body of Lunatic. Again, each shot is with maniacal glee.
Jerry Andrews: Gabriel seems more aggressive than usual here. He may be redefining the style of the division with his sheer brutality.
Ace Anderson: Redefining? Gabriel hates this division and he is here to enforce God’s wrath on those who call it home.
Lunatic, as before, attempts to crawl away from the punishment. Gabriel will have none of it. He drags Lunatic back to the center, so he can be hog tied. A good couple of punt kicks to the gut knock the air out of the challenger. Gabriel gets a kendo stick and brings it crashing down across Lunatic’s throat. He snaps it over his knee, hits the ropes and with a high leap in the air, comes down with an attempted impalement. Lunatic manages to scoot out of the way before he can be staked like a vampire. Gabriel smiles and discards the fragments. He unties Looney for a moment, only to wrap it around his neck. Looney is thrown over the top, but Gabriel hangs him. The cable is tied around the ring post to keep Lunatic in place. And struggle to breathe. He calmly rolls out of the ring and studies his handiwork. Gabe pulls the other kendo stick out and tees off like Lunatic were a piñata. The referee frees him from his dangerous predicament.
A CHEESE GRATER is out! Looney resists the attempt, but Gabriel has more strength in him. Looney finds his forearm being scrapped and shredded. He fights through his pain as blood begins to flow from the wounds. Lunatic is sent into the announcer’s table, but he manages to duck in time to back body drop Gabriel between the scrambling commentators. He crashes into the chairs, knocking them over like bowling pins, as The Good Doctor is quickly there to help stop the blood loss. Lunatic gets a couple of good paint brushings as his manager tries getting him back into things. Lunatic can be heard yelling, “I love it when you’re rough, Alexa!” drawing laughs from the crowd, and perhaps even some sympathy. The Good Doctor stands upright. Pulls out the control. And...well, you know. Lunatic begins going crazy. He roars with anger, smacks the control out of the Doc’s hand and proceeds to tear apart the announce table. Gabriel turns into an incoming monitor dart, taking the shot to the chest. This drops his partially, while the second monitor finds his back, pushing him the rest of the way. Lunatic dives over like the table is a bar and begins to savagely attack!
Jerry Andrews: Lunatic has had enough!
Ace Anderson: Gabriel may want to find an opening and take it, because things are about to get ugly if he doesn’t.
Gabriel is hip tossed. Lunatic continues to rage. A backflip kick to the head knocks Gabriel into the apron. Lunatic traps him with the ring apron as he pulls out a CATTLE PROD! The crackling electricity only serves to widen Looney’s eyes as he zaps Gabriel with it. Where he hits him is up to your imagination. Gabe frantically frees himself and gets into the ring, but is writhing. The Good Doctor coaches his client on as the device gets used as a club. Looney stops long enough to set up the ominous ladder. He then sets the tables on one another. Gabriel is pulled up and forced up the rungs. Lunatic climbs from the opposite side. They stop near the top. The prod is tossed aside. Looney grabs Gabriel by the head, practically screaming “THERE IS NO GOD!” in his face. Gabe is being pulled for an attempted suplex, but fights for all he has left. This angers Lunatic. He abandons this, but wasn’t expecting Gabriel to go back to the head wound. He reopens it with several slams to the ladder rungs. Gabriel sunset flips over Lunatic and brings him CRASHING THROUGH THE TABLES with a powerbomb!! Both men are buried under the exploded debris as the faithful are rabid!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Jerry Andrews (panicking): OH MY GOD! We may need help out here for these two!
Ace Anderson: With the ovation of the faithful, you would think we were in Rome! Bloodthirsty savages!
It’s a while before either man finds himself able to get back to their feet. Gabriel is the first, but staggers through the ropes and onto the floor. The Good Doctor keeps living up the second part of his name by returning to the tried method of electric shock therapy. It has no initial effect, but when Lunatic realizes what is happening, he plows out from under the splintered wood. The Good Doctor holds up Lunatic’s favorite toy, his stuffed monkey. Which has a lead pipe inside of it, but shh. He gets it and locates Gabriel, who can be seen hugging the edge of the ring. Lunatic marches and reaches through the ropes. Every shot he lands, he yells “Touch my monkey! TOUCH IT!” Gabriel drops. Lunatic hugs his toy close to his heart, forgetting the fact he has a match going on. This provides enough time for Gabriel to recover and gingerly roll himself back into the ring. The Good Doctor alerts the idiot to what is going on. Looney turns around and sees Gabriel on his knees with a lit candle being offered.
Lunatic puts his weapon down and like a child comes over, thinking this a gift. It is alright. The gift of FIRE, because Gabriel spits alcohol into the flame, causing a fireball to blind Lunatic! He blows out the flame and tosses the candle aside. The crowd is buzzing by the suddenness of what just happened. Gabriel may be hurting. Lunatic may be hurting. But only one is going to be extra miserable. This would be Lunatic, because Gabriel hits The Word of the Lord! He goes for the very first pinfall of the match.
1!
2!
3!
And that’s all that is needed as the champion has retained his title.
Sasha Greene: Here is your winner, and STILL the Underground Champion, GABRIEL!
The ref raises his hand, as Gabriel gets assistance to his his feet. He never gets the chance to take his title in victory. ALEXA BLACK has arrived! She picks up the exhausted champion and plants him with The Killshot! Fans shower her with deafening boos. Alexa takes the Underground title from the ref and hoists it over her head. She receives a microphone and makes sure to get good and close to the fallen angel.
Alexa Black: At Return to Glory, It’s MY turn!
Short, sweet and to the point. Both objects are thrown down on Gabriel as Alexa storms out of the ring.
Emilio Estevez: Man that was a brutal match! I’ve been in movies with less blood being spilled. BUT… The show must go on, right? Our presenter for Best Debut or Return was a star of the series “Knight Rider” and “Baywatch.” Please put your hands together for the iconic David Hasselhoff!
The theme to “Knight Rider” brings in the Hoff! The Faithful cheer loudly as the cultural icon graciously makes his way to the podium.
David Hasselhoff: I don’t even want to admit how long ago it was that I personally made my debut. Hell, even my return seems like it was an obscene age ago.
The audience chuckles at his joke.
David Hasselhoff: There’s something to be said about the wrestling business. Once it has a hold of your soul, you never really can escape. Acting is the same way. Tonight’s nominees are those who either are new to Pure Class Wrestling, or have returned since the last Icey Awards. Here is a list of the nominees:
A video of a revolving door plays as the names are read off with highlights of their careers from their appearance to now. The Hoff recites them in turn.
Alyce Starchylde
Alexandra Tamora
Kyle Shane
Dominator and Mortimer
“The Asshole” Whitey Ford
David Hasselhoff: And the winner is:
Whitey Ford!
David Hasselhoff applauds, relinquishing the stage to the winner. Whitey Ford strolls out onto the stage with much more confidence than before, when he won Most Loved. The World Title is slung over his shoulder proudly, and he quickly takes the microphone as his music cuts.
Whitey Ford: See, this isn't a big surprise to me. But it's strange, in a way; just like winning Most Loved while I had conquered being Most Hated in the past...I have also won biggest return AND debut, separately, in the past. I'm going to keep this short and sweet, because I have a lot of bad decisions to make backstage. Thank you all for the support as I came in to PCW once more with a new head on my shoulders, so to speak. I was given another chance to regain what was rightfully mine...the PCW World title...and I did so. I'd promise to win one more Biggest Return award...but I don't think I'm going anywhere for a long, long time.
Whitey leaves as Emilio returns.
Emilio Estevez: Our next award is for Most Inspirational. Here to give that away is none other than Bo Dallas!
Bo runs out at a leisurely pace to his theme music, almost like he is taking a victory lap. He is practically beaming with pride as he takes his place at the stand.
Bo Dallas: Thank you! It is truly an honor to be here to present the award for Most Inspirational!
He starts having an emotional experience. Bo gives himself a pep talk and regains his composure.
Bo Dallas: These four nominees BO-LIEVED in themselves. I like to think of them as the little engines who could. They thought they can, thought they can, thought they can---and they DID! And because of the power of BO-LIEVING, you too, can be inspired in your daily lives. For there is no I in team, but there is in WINNER! Here are your nominees.
Shining, gleaming names in a three-dimensional font scroll across the screen as they are named.
Nathan Saniti
Dan Fierce
Whitey Ford
Seromine
Bo Dallas: And the winner of the Bo Dallas Most Inspirational award goes to…
“Dan Fierce!”
The synthesized guitar thrumming of Adam Lambert's "Shady" pulse over the speakers. The entire theater is split into six colored sections of
Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Blue
and and Purple
Each section switches colors in order with each pulse of the music. As the lyrics kick in, a group of a half dozen glistening, muscle-bound men of all shapes and colors, dressed in black leather pants, and fuchsia boots dance out from the back, looking like a PCW version of Magic Mike. Confetti cannons at each corner of the stage and in front of the entrance explode into life. Out comes Dan Fierce! The audience gets to their feet, cheering wildly as he saunters to the podium. He stops about halfway, soaking in the adulation, his eyes welling up with sentiment.
Dan Fierce: Wow! What a beautiful welcome!
Dan wipes obvious tears from his eyes, choking back a crackling voice as he waits for the audience to calm all the way down.
Dan Fierce: Of all of the awards I've won in my career, I think this one really means the most to me as I look back. To know that a man like me has touched so many lives…
The audience laughs. Dan smiles broadly, his hand on his hip.
Dan Fierce: Get your minds out of the gutter.
The peanut gallery cheers at one of his more infamous lines. Dan grins wider and shakes his head before he continues.
Dan Fierce: ...To know that I've reached so many people and inspired them, even in today's political climate, makes my heart sing. Thank you all for everything! You are the reason this old queen stuck around in this business for so long. I love you all!
Once again, both venues prepare themselves for some in-ring action after returning from the commercial break.
Main Event
Two out of Three Falls
Title is not on the Line
If Nathan uses hatpins, he vacates his title.
Seromine vs. Nathan Saniti
Referee: Ed Lane
Sasha Greene: The following match is two out of three falls! As a reminder, if Nathan Saniti uses his hatpins, he will VACATE his North American Title.
The pipe organ of “Be Still for the Presence of the Lord” echoes throughout the arena. As an angelic children’s choir begins to sing the hymn, Seromine and his wife Destiny enter from around the ramp in an open carriage, horse-drawn buggy.
Sasha Greene: Being led to the ring by Destiny Willard. From Anaheim, California, he weighs two-hundred forty pounds, Seromine!
He halts the clydesdales, then assists Destiny out of the ride. Slowly, the pair makes their way down to the ring, stopping to “bless” some of those close to the barrier as a mixed reaction churns from the crowd.
Seromine, dressed in preacher’s garb straight out of the 1800’s, walks arm-in-arm with his wife, who is also dressed in a very conservative, black dress with a white collar and cuffs and two white buttons on the front. His wide brimmed black hat and black coat lend a severity to his appearance as they make their way to the ring steps.
He lends his wife a gentlemanly hand up the stairs, holding the ropes for her as she enters, following quickly behind. He slowly makes his way around the ring, “blessing” the audience to a somewhat ungrateful reaction. Finally, he removes his hat and coat, handing them to his dutiful wife, leaving his white button-up shirt and black ribbon bowtie on during the match. Again, he holds the ropes as Destiny exits to ringside.
Sasha Greene: And his opp…
Sasha is cut off by Seromine. He rips the microphone out of her hand and proceeds to toss it into the crowd. She is ordered out of the ring. A request that she is all too happy to oblige. Seromine pays no mind to the booing that goes on. After a quick glance to his wife, he is out of the ring and making his way up the ramp.
The introductory chimes of "Monster," by Imagine Dragons beckon the entrance of PCW resident Madcap Magician as lime green fog coats the runway from the ring to the entrance. Flanked by Rasputin, Naomi, and Neville, the otherwise normal (for him) looking Nathan Saniti leads the group out from the back, Nathan taking point. He and Neville wave their arms with a flourish, calling to the fog to rise and engulf the lot.
And that’s as far as his entrance gets. Saniti tumbles down the ramp as Seromine rages out of the fog. He pummels his nemesis, paying no mind to the entourage behind him. Saniti’s signature hat gets stomped on and kicked off the ramp. His coat is pulled over his head hockey style as the Serpentine Sermonizer tees off with aggressive shots. Saniti is ripped off the ramp and sent chest first into the railing down below. Seromine jumps down and tackles him into the faithful. The referee finds himself questioning Destiny, but she offers no answers. The heated rivals are lost in the crowd, but with how the fans are parting, are nearing an exit. Sure enough Seromine finds himself now on the defense as Nathan clotheslines him over with a furious clothesline. He soon climbs over in time to trade shots. Neither man has any use for the zebra’s instructions.
Jerry Andrews: Well that didn’t take long!
Ace Anderson: These two HATE each other. Seromine is out for redemption.
Seromine cuts in with a knee to the midsection and follows it by slamming Nathan into the ring apron. Or would that be attempted? Saniti blocks the act and it’s Seromine instead who gets a dose of the ring. He’s rolled inside with Saniti close behind.
DING!
DING!
DING!
The match is now officially underway and these two pick up where they left off at Living a Legacy. Seromine takes a few stomps to the gut as he is shoved into the ropes. He finds himself being Irish whipped and flipped over with a sudden knee to said gut. Saniti keeps him seated and has a go at the opposite side facing his opponent. Seromine meets a dropkick as his head smacks into the canvas. Saniti pulls him up and runs him face first into the corner. Another whip attempt nets a reversal for Seromine. He follows Nathan in and smacks him with a spinning heel kick, of which, places him onto the ring apron. Saniti is down to a knee, but catches Seromine mid air with a snap power slam. The dark colored dressed Seromine fights off the feeling and rolls himself out of the ring.
Seromine shoves off the defenseless steel steps out of anger while Destiny comes to his aid. She issues some TLC to his back while also attempting to calm him down. Saniti barks for his foe to try attacking him now that he is aware. Seromine fires off a few unsavory words in reply. He slides in and then back out of the ring, just as Nathan’s foot was to meet his body. Seromine pulls Saniti down by both feet and yanks him under the bottom rope. Seromine unloads with alternating uppercuts to stagger the North American champion. He then grabs a handful of his wild hair and introduces him to the railing. Then the apron. Then the railing again. And one last time for the apron. Saniti is forced back inside and Seromine wastes little time to keeping on him.
Jerry Andrews: Seromine is showing off his aggressive side here. But he may want to be careful.
Ace Anderson: Of what? Hatpins? I’d love for Nathan to try and use some. Just so he loses his title!
Nathan’s hands are forced on the canvas. Seromine stomps the hell out of both while yelling “How does it feel?!” Saniti tries to protect them against his body, but it leaves him wide open for a surprising shining wizard. Saniti flips back as Seromine sneaks in a quick cover.
1!
Not even so much as a two. The preacher partially steps over him and begins to unload a series of vicious forearm shots. The referee has to get in the middle and issue a warning because of where they are landing. Seromine glares and pulls Saniti to his feet. Saniti is driven into the nearest corner from a split legged jawbreaker. Seromine spins to his feet and comes in with a spear. Nathan drops to his knees, cradling his stomach and gasping for air. Seromine continues to be ultra aggressive as he sits him back in the corner. Seromine runs to the far corner, spins on his heels and runs full speed back to Nathan. Saniti moves out of the way as he avoids a cannonball splash. Saniti pulls himself up and meets Seromine with a bell clap. His disorientation is enough to stop him for the time being. Seromine is next dropped with a tilt a whirl backbreaker, which is followed by a pin.
1!
Nope. As before, not even a two. Just the roles are reversed. Nathan executes a beautiful snap suplex in front of Destiny. He notices her from the corner of his eye and shoots an unnerving smile. It returns a narrowing of her eyes. Seromine is scoop slammed down. Saniti bounces himself off the ropes as he hits an elbow drop. Seromine attempts to get out of the ring again, but this time is unable. He is slammed down a second time. Saniti finds himself using the ropes as a springboard as he attempts a moonsault. He eats double knees for his troubles. He rolls off and is left in the fetal. Seromine gathers his thoughts as he tries locating where his wife’s voice is coming from. Stretching out his back, he meets Nathan in the center with a spinning roundhouse kick that nearly takes the Madcap Magician’s head off. Seromine hits a springboard moonsault of his own and even goes as far as to rub it in Nathan’s face.
Jerry Andrews: Teeth meet front row.
Ace Anderson: Well, at least we know there is a Good Doctor in the house, because Nathan may need one soon.
Jerry Andrews: Calling him a Doctor is a bit of a stretch…
Nathan is met with a trio of Northern light suplexes, with the last being a release version. Seromine gets up and waits for Saniti to do the same. Picking his spot he runs him into the corner with force. Seromine wraps the tag rope around Saniti’s throat while shielding the deed from the referee’s view. Saniti frantically tries to get free of his bind. Sensing the clock is almost out, the Serpentine Sermonizer lets go. Then changes to a blatant choke until the count of four is reached. Seromine releases once more and walks away with his hands held in the air. The faithful are merciless in their booing. The ref, after checking on Saniti’s condition, comes over to question Seromine. He’s moved out of the way so that Nathan can aggressively be sent over the top rope.
A suicide dive from Seromine drives Nathan back into the railing. Seromine sits on a knee as he lifts Nathan’s head up. It’s almost as if he is studying a wounded animal. Saniti swipes at him and pays the price. His face meets the floor as Destiny is seen applauding in the background with a pleased smile. The Serpentine Sermonizer glares at the referee again as he mocks the count being levied. Action returns to the ring with Seromine nailing a leaping brain buster. He goes for another pin and this time, hooks the legs.
1.
2.
Nathan kicks out. Seromine tries his best to remain calm, but you can tell he is unhappy about the count and the kick-out. Evidenced by his challenge of the pace. He turns around to a flurry of shots to the gut. They push him back and stop the momentum, but not much else. He rakes Saniti’s eyes and runs him head first into the turnbuckle. Again. And a third. Nathan slumps but is leaned up like a folded chair. Saniti is sent to the opposite side. He collides with authority. Seromine points his fingers like a gun complete with a mock trigger being pulled. He charges and...hits the post with his shoulder! Saniti seizes the opportunity, making sure to keep the weight down on the wounded right side as he scores a schoolboy.
1!
2!
3!
And he GETS the pin! This naturally has the fans on their feet and Seromine angered after kicking out a hair past the three count.
Sasha Greene: Here is the winner of the first fall, Nathan Saniti!
He looks on with shock that he fell victim to such a textbook pin. Destiny is quickly over to him as she gets his attention. Seromine is now forced to be careful with fall two. Being his voice of reason, she does her best to get him to move on. Seromine massages his shoulder and is quick to pounce on Saniti. Or so he thought. Nathan blocks each haymaker attempt and fires off his own. Seromine is whipped and thrown into the lights with a back body drop. He spins up and gets knocked back down with a trio of clotheslines for his troubles. He swings wildly. Nathan ducks and hits a spinning sit out powerbomb. Destiny pulls her husband out of the ring before Saniti can follow up though, drawing the ire of the referee. She pleads her case to him, explaining the shoulder issue, but gets a stern warning. Nathan himself is not happy about the intrusion. Rather than confront her and leave himself vulnerable, he instead pulls him back inside and out to the center. Seromine finds his head being hooked as Nathan nails him with Shaken Baby Syndrome! The disorientated former International Champion is on spaghetti legs. Double under-hook suplex! A pin!
1!
2!
Thre-
NO! Seromine has just enough to get his shoulder off the mat. Nathan sends him into the ropes and attempts a corkscrew elbow, but finds himself spinning into air. Seromine has hooked his arms around the top rope to prevent running into said move. Saniti never knew what hit him. A sickening savate kick connects under the chin as both men are down. Seromine is up first and he brings Nathan with him. He pulls him into a short arm lariat. NO HE DOESN’T! Saniti spins around and waist-locks Seromine, preventing the start of his Ashes to Ashes finisher. Seromine fights off a German suplex and spins so that he is behind Saniti. He buries his right knee to the kidney, standing Nathan upright. Saniti is turned around into a second lariat attempt, and this one damn near decapitates. A nasty DDT lays out Nathan Saniti as Seromine gets the cover.
1!
2!
3!
And just like that, the count is tied.
Sasha Greene: Here is the winner of the second fall, Seromine!
Destiny is elated outside of the ring. Seromine sits on his knees and smiles triumphantly as he gets a breather. He gets back up and begins to taunt Nathan as the weight of the matter begins setting in. Seromine asks “Where are your hatpins, now?” before going off with stinging roundhouse kicks to the chest. Nathan is pulled up and flung into the ropes. Seromine drops his head, but catches Nathan’s foot in time to convert things into a dragon leg whip. Seromine floats it into a sudden Texas cloverleaf! And he has it locked in away from the ropes. Saniti yells from the pain and pressure as he digs his fingers into his head. The referee is in position to call for the submission should Nathan decide he can no longer go on.
Jerry Andrews: Will Saniti be forced to call it quits here?
Ace Anderson: He already has from where I’m sitting! PRA-ISE THE LORD!
Jerry Andrews: You need help, Ace. Help and to lay off the kool-aid.
With the faithful firmly behind him, Saniti staves off the temptation of tapping. He drags himself closer and closer to any rope he can reach. Seromine releases the hold, steps through and deadlift German suplexes Saniti with a bridge.
1!
2!
THRE-
ALMOST! Saniti kicks the fuck out before the hand can hit the mat. Seromine sits and looks stunned. Destiny brings herself around so that she can directly communicate with him. Again, voice of reason. Seromine massages his temples out of frustration with the kickout. Saniti is brought up as he takes a forearm to the head. He fires one in return. Seromine throws a second and then takes a second. You know what happens from here. The enemies trade forearms back and forth, dead center in the ring, dead on their feet and from both sides. Neither man gets the advantage, but the faithful are loving every second of it. Out of nowhere, Saniti roars with a flurry that Seromine is unable to stop. Rocking him on his heels, Saniti busts out a quick hurricanrana...and HOLDS IT for a pin!!
1!
2!
3!
NO! It’s Seromine’s turn to just narrowly avoid disaster! Destiny exhales with relief as again, both men are down. Saniti pounds the mat from his own frustration. His fights through his own aches and pains as he beats Seromine to his feet. Strangely, Nathan does nothing. Just stands there. Seromine is offered to take a free swing. He finds the request fishy, but can’t resist taking a swipe at his sworn enemy. Saniti has just lured the angered Californian into a Whirling Dervish! One of Nathan’s trademark moves! Seromine bounces off the mat. Saniti fights for a pin, but is unable as Seromine has enough to get himself out of the ring. Down. But far safer than if he had stayed inside.
Jerry Andrews: OH! Nathan may have had him there, Ace. Seromine was fortunate…
Ace Anderson (cutting him off): Seromine was smart enough to get out of the ring. I fixed your flaw for you.
An angered Magician thinks better of exiting the ring. Destiny has made herself a human shield. He instead contemplates the reality of a count out victory to get the final fall. Or not! Nathan knows what is on the line and Destiny be damned, the fight doesn’t involve her. Saniti collects Seromine and returns things to the ring. Saniti issues a warning of his own to Mrs. Willard. As does the referee. She motions as if she is little miss innocent. Seromine stuns Nathan with a chop to the throat. He whips him to the corner, but Nathan climbs it and comes down onto Seromine’s head with a Will-O-The-Wisp! And there’s another pin!
1!
2!
NO!
Seromine gets a foot on the ropes this time and Nathan Saniti is just beside himself. The fans are on the edge of their seats in this main event tilt. Both men are worn, but one of them is going to earn the right to call themselves a winner. Nathan knows what must be done. He pulls Seromine around into a backslide position. He doesn’t actually go for it, but instead flips himself over so that he is in front of Seromine. UNREALITY CHECK! Nathan has just hit his finisher!!
...NO HE DOESN’T! Seromine sensed his pending doom and somehow counters this. He turns things around into a dragon suplex, dumping Nathan on his head and neck. But he is unable to follow it up. Both men are down and out. Destiny is beside herself to get her hubby stirred. Saniti is flat on his back, eyes closed, but with a cheshire grin on his face. Let that sink in. The referee has no choice but to begin counting both men out. By the time he reaches nine, they are up enough to have it waved. Seromine sends Nathan into the corner, but he comes charging out with a furious clothesline. It’s ducked! Seromine pulls a jump spinning roundhouse kick! It’s avoided! Seromine finds himself spun around and picked up on Nathan’s shoulders. He fights off any attempts from that position to slide behind him.
Seromine waistlocks Saniti. There’s a switch. Saniti with a German suplex! He doesn’t have enough strength to keep it bridged, however. Instead, he begins to make a circle around the fallen Seromine with bunny hop motions. A standing moonsault! MARCH HARE HOP!
Seromine pulls him into an inside cradle from out of nowhere and the referee is there to meet them!
1!
2!
3!
YES!
NO!
Saniti BARELY kicks out of this!! A split second away from loss! He does favor his ribs while Seromine screams the f-bomb as loud as his lungs will allow. They find themselves back up. Saniti counters an attempted European uppercut. He spins around to a second backslide position. UNREALITY CHECK! Seromine’s head is spiked with a DDT. The fans roar on their feet. Destiny is beyond the point of concern. Saniti works to push Seromine over and there’s the pin!
1!
2!
3!!
NO! NO! NO!
Seromine BARELY gets a semblance of a kick-out a millisecond before the ref gets to three. A collective arena of surprise greets a fallen Saniti, as he himself can’t believe that didn’t end things. He rolls over and sits up. Exhaustion is etched on his face. He must be asking himself WHAT does he have to do to put Seromine down?? Destiny is breathing easier, but she’s in full anxiety mode outside. She rushes as close as she can get to her husband, pleading with him to recover. Nathan brings an equally tired Seromine up to his feet. Seromine is picked up and deposited onto the top turnbuckle. Saniti scales up with him with a tightrope act. The Madcap Magician is going for what appears to be a superplex. Seromine comes to life and fires off shot after shot to try to stop this. Saniti is moved down to the middle ropes, but remains with the advantage. He gets Seromine partially off the ropes, but is unable to actually suplex him.
Seromine again fires off combinations and actually stuns Nathan long enough to get him away from the corner. He shakes off the cobwebs and regains a sense of where he is. Seromine gets off the top rope, charges at Saniti...DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! AGAIN both are down as the referee begins counting them out. They are up at nine. Seromine thumbs the magician in the eye and sends him shoulder first into the ring post. Nathan stumbles into a schoolboy. Seromine is attempting to win with how he lost the first fall! Feet on the ropes!
1!
2!
3---REF SEES HIS FEET!
Seromine may have had that, but the referee spots the cheat. Seromine abandons the idea, albeit reluctantly. He brings Saniti to his feet by the wrist. Seromine yells something but it’s not picked up. Nathan is pulled into a short-arm clothesline...BUT he spins it around to lock Seromine’s arms in backslide! Seromine resists the potential for ANOTHER Unreality Check. They jockey back and forth for the advantage. Nathan manages to partially get himself over, but Seromine drops to a knee. Saniti powers Seromine back up, only this time, he has his left knee kicked out from behind. He surprises Nathan with an ugly neck breaker, folding him backwards (feet are touching his back). Nathan is peeled off with help from the referee. Seromine finds himself grabbing the ropes until he is wavering on the top. Can it be a blast from his past??
…
I-5 STAR FINISH!! Seromine goes back to his calling card from his days as The Anarchist with a high elevation frog splash. His momentum not only knocks the wind of Nathan’s sails, but his as well, while also propelling him flat onto his back. Seromine clutches his torso. He rolls over and literally has to drag himself to go for the pin. With one last gasp of energy, he throws his right arm over him.
1!
2!
3!
and this time he gets it! The referee calls for the bell as Destiny rushes to her husband’s side.
Sasha Greene: Here is the winner of the third and final fall, Seromine!
“Be Still for the Presence of the Lord” begins to play as the referee checks on Nathan. An overjoyed Destiny helps her husband carefully out of the ring. She kisses him and then turns her head back to point and laugh at the fallen Magician. The last thing heard from Seromine himself is, “I told him so!”
Ace Anderson: The might of God wins the day! Seromine has won!
Jerry Andrews: Well, it certainly wasn’t for a lack of cheating attempts by the preacher.
Ace Anderson: Sometimes, to beat the devil, you have to fight fire with fire.
Jerry Andrews: I worry about your grasp on reality. While I try to pull Ace’s lips off of Seromine’s ass, let’s get back to the theater for the moment we’ve all been waiting for; the Hall of Fame induction.
The feed cuts from the Arena back to the theater. Emilio Estevez is back at the podium.
Emilio Estevez: Now it’s time to announce the highest honor one can receive from the Pure Class Wrestling fans. It’s time for us to unveil just who will be joining the privileged few who can call themselves a member of the Pure Class Wrestling Hall of Fame. Here to bestow that honor to the winner is the man who won it himself at the last Iceys earlier this year; Tyrone “Crazy Boy” Smith!
“10000 Watts of Artificial Pleasure” blasts over the speakers as the beloved superstar pops out from back stage. He settles in behind the microphone, a rare thing for the long-time superstar. The audience hangs on his every word.
Crazy Boy: Earlier this year, I had this very honor given to me. It was an honor I personally felt that I didn’t deserve. Fortunately for me, we have the best fans in the world, and that decision wasn’t left up to me. This was a life-changing event for me, and now I have the honor of welcoming into the fold another person for whom it has been a long time coming. The nominees are:
A video shows an ornate wooden door, flanked by red velvet ropes and red carpet peeking out from under it, opens with fireworks and fanfare as the two nominees are mentioned. The audience in both venues shake the rafters with their approval.
Crazy Boy: The Freebooters!
Highlights from the careers of High Tide and Jule “The Wasp” Martins blink on the screens while “You are a Pirate,” by Alestorm plays.
Crazy Boy: And Phinehas Dillinger, also known as Grimm!
“Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums,” by A Perfect Circle plays, giving the Faithful a glimpse into the storied career of the Abomination of Desolation.
Crazy Boy: And the winner is:
“Grimm!”
Crazy Boy: Now, as we all saw earlier Grimm is not present tonight, so I will be happy to accept…
The air is sucked out of the room and the audience gasps collectively. Crazy Boy swallows hard and does not look up from his notes.
Crazy Boy: He’s behind me, isn’t he?
He slowly raises his head, and, sure enough, finds Grimm standing, suddenly, just over his shoulder. Grimm, decked in a suit of juniper green with sage pinstripes, stands stoic as Crazy Boy turns to face the Lord of Misrule. Then smiles and steps to the podium.
Grimm: Thank you, Tyrone. I’ll take it from here.
Crazy Boy, not unfamiliar with the ways of Grimm, backs away, never losing sight of the Hangtown Horror even as he puts his hands on both sides of the lectern.
Grimm: This has certainly been a night. To think we are not only celebrating the Icey Awards but also the two-hundred-and-sixteenth Trauma, well, that’s really something to consider. How despite the usual setbacks and pitfalls, the lawsuits and ups-and-downs of personnel, Pure Class Wrestling is still entertaining the masses after more than a decade. And closing in on fifteen years, at that, when more federations than I can count have come and gone. And even more wrestlers have tried their luck at making something of themselves in this, the hallowed halls of Pure Class Wrestling.
The audience cheers, because why wouldn’t it? If these halls are not hallowed, than none can claim to be.
Grimm: I consider myself fortunate. I have never been the biggest, nor the quickest. Luis, Alejandro, and all the others who have served in the front office have always allowed me to ply my trade in the manner I see fit. I have never catered to anyone or to any particular trend, and I have not gone out of my way to be the fiend everyone loves to hate.
Grimm leans into the microphone.
Grimm: But my record speaks for itself.
The crowd responds with a low rumbling drone of “Grimmmmmm. Grimmmmmmm.” Grimm smiles beneath his Beard (which has been immaculately groomed just for tonight’s special occasion, with, perhaps, a dollop or two of Honest Amish Beard Balm).
Grimm: I have inflicted any number of bloodstained indignities on my opponents. I have walked through the ashes of legends. I have creased a few skulls with some well-placed blows from a shovel, and I have offered up headbutt after headbutt, Harvest after Harvest. Then again, I have more losses to my name than most names on this roster have total matches to theirs. This business of ours is a fickle one, and it does not suffer even the slightest misstep. I have had plenty of opportunities to ruin myself. So I do not take it lightly that I am standing here before you in this capacity tonight.
Polite applause. A tilt of the head in acknowledgment from the Abomination of Desolation.
Grimm: Like I said, there has been a long list of names that have been a part of this federation since its inception, and it would be a disservice to many if I stood up here and tried to tell you what some of them have meant to me. But there are two in particular that I feel I have to recognize. Over the years, Billy Sadistic and “Mr. Showtime” Michael Wryght have been both my staunchest allies as well as my most bitter opponents. And no matter where we stood, whether it be in one another’s corner or looking down in anticipation of a brutal finisher, they are my oldest friends in this business. They may not be active anymore, but they were with me at the beginning and they helped shape this career of mine. A career that, Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, will continue as long as someone sees fit to the keep the doors of Pure Class Wrestling open.
Grimm drums a quick rhythm with his fingers on the podium.
Grimm: Thank you.
With that, Grimm steps away, beyond the limits of the lights, and fades into the shadows. The audience shows its appreciation for a fight well fought with a standing ovation for the Hangtown Horror and a “Thank you Grimm!” chant. In a rare moment for the Dillinger, he shows the fans his deepest appreciation, taking it all in as golden glitter begins to rain down over the theater and arena alike.
Jerry Andrews: Well, that does it for this edition of Trauma, AND the Iceys!
Ace Anderson: Man! What a ride! This is definitely a show for the history books.
Jerry Andrews: Indeed, it was, Ace. When next we meet, we’ll be calling the action at Return to Glory!
Ace Anderson: Tonight was special for most, but at the Pay-per-view, it’ll be back to business as usual for our stars. It’s going to be a war zone for sure!
Jerry Andrews: I couldn’t agree more. We hope you enjoyed our show and that you will join us for Return to Glory. For Ace Anderson, I’m Jerry Andrews. Goodnight, folks!
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