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Post by Gerard Angelo on Mar 20, 2018 16:54:34 GMT -5
my Trauma RP was probably my first on in 4 years. Lemme know how it was. Be gentle, or don't -shrugs-
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Post by Holden Ross on Mar 20, 2018 17:57:47 GMT -5
Great job, brotha. Enjoyed it. Still on point
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Post by Grimm on Mar 20, 2018 18:08:03 GMT -5
After just a really quick scan (I'll give it a thorough read eventually), the one thing I noticed was you use what I believe people refer to as "script style" dialogue as opposed to, um, "narrative style", I guess you could call it.
Gerard: I'm gonna kick your butt.
vs.
"I'm gonna kick your butt," said Gerard, scowling into the camera and whatnot.
That's not an issue as long as the rest of the piece holds up, but I mention it because buried in the Purgatory board is one of our infamous threads in which a former member has a meltdown because he wrote his entire RPs as "scripts", which as you can imagine weren't the most entertaining reads. That was brought to his attention, and he lost it because he was studying screenwriting (or somee bullcrap like that) and so, of course, he was a better judge of good RP material than anyone else in PCW.
Seriously, though, browse the Purgatory board when you have some time to spare. We've had some interesting folks come through these doors.
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Kyle Shane
PCW Veteran
There was a Hole here...
Posts: 879
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Post by Kyle Shane on Mar 20, 2018 18:33:08 GMT -5
I thought it was a good introduction and gave us a general idea of what you're about. I do have minor quibbles about repeated little mistakes (It's versus instead of verses) but while that took me out of it a little bit, your character has enough spirit and definition to keep me interested. I hope we see more!
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Post by Gerard Angelo on Mar 21, 2018 0:20:17 GMT -5
Well shit I thought the word looked odd. Damn.
But thanks for the feed back guys. I'll try a narrative style with my next RP.
I was expecting y'all to throw tomatoes honestly.
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