Trauma 229 RP Feedback

[Grimm]

Sure, why not.

[Gerard Angelo]

Well written. I'm intrigued where i want to read more.

[Stormm]

Things are very hectic for me right now, and probably will be for the next couple months or so, but if we are going to bring back the RP feedback, much like I had done in the past, I'll randomly pick a RP (besides mine) to read and post some feedback on sometime tonight. I wish I had the time to read them all thoroughly give thoughts on them all. Between work, CoRec sports, going through the process of buying a house, preparing for vacation next month, and playing just the right amount of video games, it's difficult.

Since there were 8 RPs (Not counting mine) I rolled a d8, and rolled a 1. So I'll be reading "A mighty triumph o'er his foes" by Grimm later, and will get my feedback for it up shortly thereafter.

[Grimm]

I reckon since I started the thread I should have something to show for it. It’s maybe not the most in-depth feedback anyone’s ever posted, but it’s feedback none the less.

Note: for those still relatively new to the federation, any and all posts you see in these threads are the opinions of that particular person. Don’t take them personally (because hopefully the feedback is only constructive) and don’t feel like you have to justify anything you’ve done. Just have fun with your own particular style.

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Stacy Jones – Nice job here of presenting the character’s background in the fed and subsequent recovery and comeback as a series of individual scenes, instead of bombarding us with pages upon pages of every.single.little.thing. I like that. The only thing I’d mention as a sticking point is in one spot you talk about how Angelo is not someone to take lightly, but then at the end it’s kind of trash talky. Maybe it’s simply a back stage vs. promo vibe I overlooked, but I did notice that. Anyway, glad to have you back.

Razor Blade – I’m not going to rehash previous discussions about how these RPs are copy / paste jobs with the names and title demands changed. So moving on…

Gerard Angelo – Good work on continuing to introduce the character to us. It’s been a while since we’ve had an annoying rich guy in the fed. Once Gerard is fully established, though, it would be cool to see other sides of him – there’s more to him than just the Hollywood Hero, right? I did like how you included a little bit about how excited he is to be offered a role as Lou Gehrig, though…and that’s the kind of additional detail I’m talking about. Also, I couldn’t help but notice a few typos scattered throughout the piece. I thought I’d throw that out there since it’s part of the scoring matrix.

Hiroshi Yukio – Okay, Simon, I’ve been a Yukio fan from day one, and this character swerve was the kind of surprise that keeps people on their toes. However, I can’t help but notice most of these RPs over the last several events have all been Yukio going backstage and talking things over with a select few. Now, I’m not saying everyone’s RPs need to involve alternate realms or secret agents or that sort of thing, but it would be cool to see Yukio out and about doing something else.

Dominator – You’ve already stated in the Shout Box that this one wasn’t quite up to your own personal standards due to having a suspicion your opponent wouldn’t show (and you were right, and most of us have been there at some point), but it’s still a solid piece of RP’ing. If nothing else this cycle gave you the opportunity to do a little extra character building without feeling you need to include it one of your more in-depth pieces. It works for me!

Tyler Scott – Interesting way of presenting your battle against Stormm, with all the elemental details included during your climb to your metaphorical top. A random RP like this every now and then is a good way to keep your writing fresh and give everyone something out of the ordinary to read.

Justin Michaels – Good work here with some pretty strong emotions tied in with a pretty big matchup coming your way. This RP did a fine job of showing Stormm working through some heavy stuff -- with the help of Lindsay, of course -- and coming out the other side with a revelation of sorts. I always like the RPs where things unfold organically instead of the writer forcing them on us just because they need to get them out there.


Other than a couple of obvious exceptions, I suspect these matches are going to be close ones. Strong work, everyone!

[Stormm]

A mighty triumph o'er his foes by Grimm
The thought of Grimm "retiring" from wrestling just seems weird to me. Let alone the birds coming to "claim" him. But if he were to ever go out, that seems as fitting an end as any. The visuals, and how I perceived all of that, gave me chills. Ruth giving him the pocket watch at the end, metaphorically giving him more time, was pretty powerful too. Though, how much time? All future opponents of Grimm can only hope for very little! Humanizing him with the scars and bruises was a nice touch as well. We all like to think of Grimm as some immortal, foreboding entity, so it's always nice to be reminded that he's just another, albeit extraordinary in his own right, human being. It's been said before and will continue to be said, but the way you do so much with so little is amazing. I just keep my hopes up for that epic Grimm saga to take me through several RPs to explain some more of the "whys", rather than just drag and drop Grimm tidings one-offs. Don't get me wrong, they work, and work well; I just want to see some payoff, as a reader, in the long term, more so than in the interim. Regardless, very solid work coming off a short break with no match at T228, and following the tough loss at the PPV!