Post by Ace Anderson on Aug 2, 2006 11:16:47 GMT -5
PCW Tuesday Night Trauma: The Icey Awards
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
Live on E! from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
Live on E! from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada
The feed opens outside of the MGM Grand Casino, the second time in PCW history that it has began here. A small ticker with a countdown is in the bottom left corner of the screen, counting down to the start of the second ever Pure Class Wrestling Icey Awards. The camera is panning around the outside of the casino, at the people surrounding a red carpet, and limos arriving with celebrities. The feed turns to Glenda Wood, fishing for interviews with anyone she can find. She eventually spots Ali G, and makes her way over to him.
GLENDA WOOD: Ali G! Hey, Glenda Wood hoping for a PCW exclusive interview with you.
ALI G: booyakasha! ey glenda, is yous wicked dis evenin?
GW: Well of course I’m wicked, Ali. I’m always wicked. So, what are you here for this year? I know last year you were an award presenter.
ALI G: da icemann called me and he asked me if me would diged to do da same fin dat i did last year. i told im 'of course i do, i thought it was a wicked time. i'll be there fa sure.' now in da house i am, and glad to be in da house.
GW: So that means that you’ll be presenting the award for Most Loved Performer?
ALI G: aye, for real. now if you'll excuse me, i ave to go check if i can check a drink or two before da show starts. there isn't much time left now.
GW: Alright, that was Ali G, and, oh, just wait. I think, yes...
Glenda notices somebody out of the view of the camera, and she makes her way over to stand next to Benjamin Burnley and other members of the band “Breaking Benjamin.”
GW: Alright so we’re here live with the members of the band ‘Breaking Benjamin.’ You guys are here to perform tonight during the intermission, how do you feel about that?
BEN BURNLEY: Oh, well, we love Pure Class Wrestling. A friend of ours, Justin ‘Stormm’ Michaels uses one of our songs as his theme music, and we couldn’t be more proud. We always cheer for him and stuff, and we really hope he kicks the (beep) outta Rodney Phoenix at Deception!
GW: Yeah, none of us can wait for that match! So how did your experience with making your new album turn out?
BB: Oh, it was great. We worked really hard on it, and we feel like we made a solid album loaded with good songs. Not just one great song and a bunch of crap. You guys, just wait, we’ll all find out our biggest fears on August 8th with the release of Phobia.
GW: Thanks Ben, and the rest of you guys, we look forward to seeing you perform.
Glenda turns toward the camera now, and speaks into her microphone.
GW: We need to take a short commercial break, but once we come back, we’ll be ever closer to the beginning of the second ever Icey Awards!
The feed cuts out and changes to commercial. When the feed resumes, the camera is now inside the MGM Grand, and instead of Glenda Wood, it is Miguel Malone that is standing next to the stage with a microphone. Next to Miguel Malone, is Samuel L. Jackson.
MIGUEL MALONE: I’m here again! It’s me, the cousin of “Icemann” Luis Malave, Miguel Malone! We’re just minutes away from the beginning of the Icey Awards, and I’m standing here with this year’s host, because I have all kinds of connections. So, Samuel, or L or whatever it is you like to be called, how do you feel about hosting this year’s Icey Awards.
SAMUEL L JACKSON: Call me Mr. Jackson, mutha (beep). Second of all, I love watching Pure Class Wrestling. Nothing like a couple guys poundin on each other without holdin nothin back. I watch wrestling all the time, and only PC-Dubya. Ya know what Miguel? If my career in acting didn’t work out, I couldn’t probably see myself as a professional wrester or ass kicker or some shit like that.
MM: Oh, well that’s cool. So, Mr. Jackson, say it for me. Right quick.
SLJ: Say what? What in the (beep) are you talkin’ bout?
MM: Say the snakes line. Ya know? SNAKES ON A MUTHA (beep)IN PLANE!!
Samuel L Jackson simply glares down at Miguel, and then walks up the stage. The ticker in the bottom corner of the screen is down to three minutes, so he is going to get into the pre show. He walks across the stage to the podium, and picks up a couple of envelopes.
SLJ: What’s up everybody? Samuel L Jackson here, ready to host the second ever Icey Awards. This is some sorta honor, and I’m glad to be here. However, we ain’t quite ready to start up yet, so now ya’ll can watch a recap video of the last six months in PC-Dubya!
A video package comes up on the screen behind the podium, as Samuel L Jackson moves away from in front of the podium. “Oblivion” by 30 Seconds to Mars begins to play, and the picture shows Lantlas and Seth Sinn winning the Tag Team Titles. A caption comes up, and it reads ‘This Was The Beginning’, followed by Lantlas pinning Ace Anderson and then raising the World Championship over his head. As it shows Ace Anderson and Lantlas shaking hands, a caption appears that says ‘This Isn’t The End.’ The video then cycles through the faces of all of the PCW Superstars, and then goes on to show clips recapping the feud between Grimm and Mikey Wryght. It shows assorted highlights from battles between Rodney Phoenix and Justin Michaels. The screen flashes, goes dark, and then shows Non Compos Mentis climbing the second cage of the Hardcore Hell match. The video switches over to Non Compos Mentis and Anthony Douglas squaring off, and then shows some more highlights of various matches in the PCW. Kaden Keene attacking Ace Anderson, and James Keenan hitting Ace Anderson in the head with a guitar is shown next, followed by Non Compos Mentis getting thrown into the barricade by Icon. Non Compos Mentis is shown standing above Kaden Keene, holding a chair. “Oblivion” continues to play, as it shows Mikey Wryght holding the International Title high, and finally, showing Lantlas hitting multiple Elvish Tales. The screen goes black and the room is left in total darkness, before Samuel L Jackson’s voice is heard.
SLJ: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE ICEY AWARDS START RIGHT (beep)IN NOW!
Fireworks explode, much like the previous awards show, a 30 second display with multiple fireworks. The crowd gasps and cheers in appreciation, and as the fireworks die down, the lights come on. Samuel L Jackson is standing in front of the podium, holding multiple envelopes. He opens one of them, and takes out the slip of paper that is inside.
SLJ: Before the presenters come out and give out whatever awards those mutha (beep) need to give out, there are a few awards that I’m supposed to give out right now.
Samuel opens an envelope, reads it over quickly, and then adjusts the microphone.
SLJ: First, the mutha (beep) who wins the Most Shocking Turn Award, is Ace mutha (beep) Anderson! My boy from West Newbury. Whenever he shook hands with Lantlas at the end of the Main Event at Collision Course, I bet he could hardly believe it himself. Atta boy ya big mutha (beep).
The people in the audience clap for a few seconds, and then the MGM Grand grows quiet in anticipation of another award winner being announced. Samuel L Jackson opens another envelope.
SLJ: Alright, now we have the winner of the Executive Award, and the winner is “The Captain” Alejandro Walker, the craziest mutha (beep) in PC-Dubya.
Alejandro Walker appears on the stage from the left side and walks over to the podium. He motions for Samuel L Jackson to get out of the way.
ALEJANDRO WALKER: Listen up. First of all, I’d like to thank yous for havin’ me win dis ere award. It’s great to know dat all of my ard work dat I do for Pure Class Wrestlin’ is appreciated. Now, to da second matter dat I would like to address ere. Somebody ere has somethin dat dey would like to say to yous all.
"Bucky" Joe slowly stepped onto the stage from behind the curtains. To say the man got a round of applause would be an insult. It started with one of the PCW's finest, Ace Anderson, standing up out of his chair to give "Bucky" a standing ovation. He was soon followed by the other PCW superstars, as they all knew the hardships and sacrifices that good 'ole "Bucky" Joe had to make in this business. A jobber wasn't the best position to hold, but Joe never complained nor did he mind even. He loved stepping into that ring even if it would be a loss for him at the end.
With all the wrestlers standing and clapping, the rest of the audience was soon to follow by standing on their feet and giving the man what he truly deserved. Respect. Joe waved out at the crowd, mouthing "Thank you's" to all those in attendance as he stood up to the podium. It took a few moments before the excitement finally quieted enough that he could speak. He cleared his throat, then looked out over the crowd with a grin from ear to ear on his face.
BUCKY JOE: Well, I... I don't know how to really respond to that, but I thank all of you for it. Now... I know I didn't accomplish much in my career, and some may even think I wasted my time, but as the saying goes, "Time you enjoy wasting, is not time wasted." I have loved... every... minute...
He stops suddenly and stares into the crowd. He turns and looks at The Captain, then he brings his eyes back over the crowd. We finally see what he's looking at, as there's quite a commotion in the back of the seating area. Way back... way way wayyyyyyyy back. Someone is hopping, jumping, and tripping their way out to the aisle right in the middle of his speech. It wouldn't be so bad except that he was in such a hurry he stepped on nearly every person he tried to get by, causing an uproar of "Hey!" and "Watch it!" from them. How rude! Finally making it to the walkway... well... being thrown into the walkway by the last guy as he was a big guy and he was pretty pissed off by this man's actions... anyways, the crazed character begins to make the long walk to the stage. Just as he's about hop up though, two security guards tackle him to the ground.
There is a bit of struggle on the ground, and The Captain shakes his head as he walks over to the edge of the stage and tells the guards to let the man up. The hesitate for a moment, then finally move allowing the man to stand up. He brushes himself off quickly and then hops up on stage. Finally being lit up by the lights and everything, we find it to be none other than one of PCW's very own, Pegasus. He sneaks over to the podium, and after a short struggle getting the microphone out of the holder it's in, he faces the crowd.
PEGASUS: Well, I must admit that I love speeches. Big ones, little ones, great ones, bad ones. It's always good to hear them... unless of course they are boring... Not... uh... Not that your's was boring or anything Bucky, just... ugh... hold on here...
He turns his back to Bucky and scratches the back of his head. The people in the frotn row could see his lips talking, and it was evident he was discussing things with himself... and no, he wasn't pulling an NCM. He turns back to Joe with a smile on his face.
PEGASUS: Alright... let's try this again. Ok... basically Bucky, what I'm trying to say is that you and I have been part of the PCW longer than anyone. We've been here since day one of the re-opening, and you've probably been around even longer... not... not that you're old or anything... jeez... heh. I'm no good at this kinda thing, eh? Ok, last try. Bucky, as much as everyone here, myself included, would love to hear you give out a great retirement speech, there is something else you have to do. I mean... we ARE in the sport of wrestling, so all I'm asking you for is one more. Think about it Bucky, one of the biggest PPV's is just around the corner and we could have "Bucky" Joe versus Pegasus as your last match. I mean... speeches are good... but matches... now THOSE leave a final impact, much more than words ever will. Come on Bucky, one more match. One more match! One more match!
He starts chanting it... and the audience starts chanting it along with him. The sound is deafening as everyone chants out for one more match from Bucky Joe to really symbolize his retirement. One more match with Pegasus. One more match... just one more.
PEGASUS: So what do you say "Bucky" Joe, are you up for one more round with me?
He extends his hand to seal the deal as "Bucky" Joe looks him over, then to the crowd. It's dead silent as Joe scratches his chin, then reaches out and shakes Pegasus' hand. The crowd burst with approval as "Bucky" Joe agreed to one final match, his last match ever, with Pegasus.
Samuel L Jackson steps back in front of the podium, and he takes the microphone.
SLJ: Alright folks, up next we have some mutha (beep) named Scott Hall out to present the Most Shocking Moment of the last six months in PC-Dubya. So here he is, clap yo mutha (beep) hands.
Scott Hall appears from behind the curtain, and he is holding an envelope and an Icey Award. He reaches the podium, and removes his toothpick from his mouth. He flicks it out at the crowd, and then adjusts his sunglasses.
SCOTT HALL: Hey yo. Big Kev woulda been here with me but he’s too busy over in TNA tearin the roof offa their X Division. Kevin Nash, the big guy, next X Division Champ. You heard it from me first, Scott Hall. So instead of the medium sized mang and the big mang, you just get the medium sized mang, so that’s what you’re gonna have to settle for. Now, as for the nominations, I’m tryin to decide if I even wanna read em or not, or if I should just tell you who won the Award so I can get outta here and get some chicks.
Scott Hall strokes his chin for a couple of seconds.
SH: The nominees are:
Loco returning to the PCW at Trauma [43]
Mikey Wryght taking off his mask and revealing he was lying about his face at Trauma [43]
The Byrd defeating Ace Anderson in a Gauntlet Match at Trauma [41]
Blade Lionheart defeating The Prophet & Geno in a Triple Threat Match at Trauma [43]
American Nightmare debuting at Trauma [41]
Ace shaking Lantlas's hand following the World Title Match at Collision Course
SH: So yeah, outta those guys, the winner is Ace Anderson losin to The Byrd. Scott Hall is outta here, yo.
Ace Anderson and The Byrd both come up to the stage. Ace Anderson looks at The Byrd, notices there is only one Icey Award, and picks it up.
ACE ANDERSON: Byrd, you beat me, you surprised everyone, so you deserve this. Here you go, and maybe someday you can upset me again.
The Byrd nods and accepts the award from Ace, and Ace nods in response. The men share a handshake and a few inaudible words, and they both exit the stage. Samuel L Jackson returns to his place in front of the podium.
SLJ: David Spade, the crazy bitch from Benchwarmers and Joe Dirt is gonna come out here next and present the Most Hated Performer Award, and I guarantee ya it ain’t goin to him. He’s a funny mutha (beep).
David Spade walks out onto the stage, and opens up his envelope containing the winner, after he places the Icey Award he is carrying down onto the podium.
SPADE: Hi, I’m David Spade and I’m 12-years-old… And I’m gonna try and stay up all night tonight! Why am I presenting this award, you might ask? Well, I myself have won it a couple of times from people who said that I should’ve died along with Chris Farley. I’ve gotta say, does Chris Farley have his own TV show on Comedy Central? Didn’t think so, so let’s get to the guys who you hate, but I probably don’t!
SPADE: The first nominee is the Prophet, and what a surprise that a zealot would get the nomination here. This is the kind of guy who would approach you in an airport with one of those stupid little books, pretty much saying “here, you throw this away!” Don’t need it, thank you very much. What… Prophet’s not really like that? Oh well, I’ve probably already pissed him off.
SPADE: Next is Ace Anderson, the Greatness in the Skin or whatever he calls himself… Listen buddy, you aren’t greatness til you’ve starred in movies that everyone’s seen. Joe Dirt? Instant classic. Dickie Roberts? Casablanca remade. Eat that, buddy! I’ll tell you what greatness is, and if you wanna debate me, go ahead and bring it, steakhead.
SPADE: Next is “Mr. Showtime” Mikey Wright. Let me tell you somethin’, folks… I have the Showbiz Show, and a guy named Showtime is getting nominated for most hated performer? That’s a Spade imitator right there, and that means RATINGS! What’s wrong with you people? That’s money in the bank right there, I’ll sign for it.
SPADE: Next is Jason Willard, the man of a million stables. The guy can’t figure out who his friends are, or what he wants to call his little gangs, or whatever… Nightmare 2 Society, Tha Unholy Alliance… give it a rest, already. Just go out and get booed like you apparently like to. You’re in nobody’s nightmare except those who have to film you, so get over yourself.
SPADE: And last is Johnny Vivacious, the Jack Sparrow of PCW from what I understand. He ran a little thing called Club Vivacious and then disappeared off the face of the earth. Damn shame, I’d say. Sarcastic, blonde, and witty… David Spade-alike right there! Gotta love that! Now let’s see who won…
SPADE: The winner is Jason Willard. Great. I’m outta here.
As Spade finishes announcing that Jason Willard has won the award, the lights in the MGM Grand Casino go out. On the screen behind the podium, words can be seen. ‘MAY YOU AND ALL THE OUTSIDERS PERISH IN THE DEPTHS OF SHADOWED FAILURES’ can be seen in blood red on the screen. The lights return to normal, as everyone is wondering if Jason Willard is here, or if that was just an omen for things to come. Samuel L Jackson once again returns to the podium, and he straightens his tie.
SLJ: I guess that mutha (beep) Jason Willard was tryin to leave some sorta secret code for everyone hear to follow or some shit, I don’t know. Either way, we got the weirdest (beep) I ever seen, Ali G, out to present the next award. Get yo crazy speakin ass up here, bitch.
Samuel L Jackson steps out of the way as Ali G comes up onto the stage, carrying an envelope and an Icey Award. He sets it down on the podium, opens up the envelope, and looks out at the crowd.
ALI G: BOOYAKASHA! aight me crew, in da house's ali g to do da same fin i did last year, and innit tell yous all who da mostest loved superstar in pure class wrestlin actually is. so, without any esitations or stories about credit cards, in da house is da nominees.
ALI G: first off we ave pegasus, servant to da lord Jackie Chan and all of dat wicked stuff. pegasus as bin losin quillions of matches as of late, but yous don't ave to win a crew of matches fa everyone to dig yous. ell, i've neva won a match in my life, and all da bitches dig me!
Ali G looks over the nominees for a few seconds.
ALI G: benjamin banks isn't evun in pure class wrestlin anymore but i guess he got a nomination fa mostest loved superstar. well, me don't ave a clue much about dis geeza except he is a pegasus wannabe, lovin Jackie Chan and all of dat stuff, so i guess if he wins, he won't evun be around to take it, so thun i can keep it, cause me is probably da mostest loved performer not in pcw.
ALI G: next up is grimm, da geeza dat nobody for real natters to, and nobody digs to meet in a dark alley. dis geeza is crazy scary, and me don't ave a clue any more about im udda than e'll chill your back without thinkin twice. so maybe dey all just voted fa grimm cause dey didn't dig im to check them down one by one.
ALI G: non compos mentis, da trash geeza wiv a plan. e's bin on a roll in pcw lately, so if he wins it won't be any surprise. if he wins though, me is not gonna be up in da house cause he kinda stinks just a little bit.
ALI G: lantlas is an elf, and e's for real for real massiv. i wouldn't mess wiv dis geeza any more than i would mess wiv grimm, but fa some reason i still dig im. e's wicked to watch cause he doesn't evun borrow a care. aight, innit it fa da nominations. somebody get me a drumroll or somethin
Ali G starts tapping his hands on the podium, and he then stops abruptly.
ALI G: da winna is Jackie Chan's bestest wrestla, pegasus!
Pegasus comes out to accept his award, shakes hands with Ali G, and takes his award. He leans over the podium.
PEGASUS: Well I don’t have much more to say than thank you all, I may like speeches, but I’m kind of at a loss for words here. So yeah, thanks everyone, and I really look forward to me and Bucky Joe putting on a great match at the pay per view.
Pegasus walks off the stage, still surprised that he won an Icey Award, although he probably shouldn’t be. Samuel L Jackson returns in front of the podium.