Post by Lantlas on May 6, 2007 21:08:03 GMT -5
::The camera clicks on, and Bob and Pierre turn to the camera in a faux-Sportscenter fashion.::
BOB: Good evening.
PIERRE: Welcome to the PCW Recap show for Trauma, edition 79.
BOB: Due to technical difficulties, PCW did not air at its scheduled time. However, we know you diehard fans...
PIERRE: Not to be confused with Diehard fans.
BOB: What, like the movie Die Hard?
PIERRE: No, the wrestler.
BOB: Wow, color me speechless. You're actually doing a wrestling report. Bravo.
PIERRE: Will you stop with the languages? I told you, I was born on a damn airplane. I am not foreign!
BOB: You could be used as a foreign object though.
PIERRE: How so?
BOB: Maybe we'll find Kevin Nash to use you as a lawn dart?
PIERRE: No, I'm not Mexican.
BOB: What does that have to do with anything?
PIERRE: Nash was trying to throw Mysterio back across the border. That damn trailer just got in the way.
BOB: Um, Pierre? Rey Mysterio was born in San Diego.
PIERRE: Exactly, and they need to work on the border from San Diego to the United States.
BOB: San Diego is in California, you nimrod.
PIERRE: Hey, I don't think Heavy Metal would appreciate you blasphemizing his name as such.
BOB: I don't think he'd appreciate you being such a racist prick.
PIERRE: We're still on the air, aren't we?
BOB: Yes.
PIERRE: So someone's enjoying it.
::The clip from the four-on one handicapped match pitting Jade against 2Guys, Loco, and Tyrone Smith plays::
PIERRE: As you can see, Jade could have her way with two guys, but four is just not an option.
BOB: Here and I thought your position on that was "the more, the merrier."
PIERRE: Why are you saying 'merry'? It's not Christmas.
BOB: It's a phrase.
PIERRE: You're just trying to make it December again. I don't want it to be cold again, damn you!
::Jade manages to fire off a missile dropkick, sending 2Guys crashing into each other, and Loco laughs from ringside, refusing to tag in.::
BOB: Jade managed to get in some offense here.
PIERRE: Yeah, as I said, she had her way with 2Guys before, so what's the shocker now? Heh heh, shocker.
BOB: Don't you even...
PIERRE: Do you think Jade would let me give her the shocker?
BOB: Pierre, just shut up before she finds you and castrates you.
PIERRE: I don't think that will happen, based on this...
::Jade reaches over the top rope to make a grab at Loco. Crazy Boy sneaks up behind her and rolls her up for the three count.::
PIERRE: So a Crazy Boy is on top of Jade for the three count. Funny...
BOB: Will you stop with the sex jokes already?
PIERRE: I was just gonna say I expected a Lantlas appearance in this match.
BOB: Oh... Well, yeah... I was slightly surprised at that myself.
PIERRE: And next, we have Sterling James Keenan against Bruce Willis for the North American title.
BOB: Pierre...
PIERRE: What, I didn't say anything!
BOB: It's James Keenan, not Sterling James Keenan.
PIERRE: What's the difference?
BOB: SJK's tattoos are actually cool? I don't know.
::Clips of the match play in the background.::
BOB: As we can see here, this match was pretty back and forth...
PIERRE: Which is surprising, considering the apathy beforehand of the situation.
BOB: What do you mean by that?
PIERRE: Well, Diehard could've fought him on a helicopter and crashed through a pane of glass or something... Hell, I wouldn't have minded if they re-staged the ending of "The Graduate", and Diehard pounds on the window while Keenan is about to marry some blondeheaded slutbag, and for some reason Diehard is lusting over her soaked dirty panties or something... The girl runs after Diehard, cause she's in desperate need of having the clap on her wedding day, Keenan fights him on the way down, we have an altercation, and someone gets the pinfall after a piledriver through the punchbowl.
BOB: For once, you may be right.
PIERRE: I should be on creative. Skylar Marshall, hire me!
BOB: You already work for him.
PIERRE: Oh, yeah... Promotion!
BOB: Only if you can write the re-match to the parody of the Graduate.
PIERRE: Oh I can... Watch this.
::Keenan hits his finisher on Diehard and scores the pinfall. The ref raises his arm and hands him the North American championship.::
BOB: Okay, Pierre. Fire away.
PIERRE: As you can see here, this is a clear rip-off of Kindergarten Cop. Diehard is a coke dealer with a pretty cool ponytail who has a fascination for little children named Cullen. Keenan is trying to be Arnold... that guy who's now the governor of California... and he likes stalking blonde girls who love to pound and scream... in more ways than one, GIGGITTY-GIGGITTY! Diehard sets the kid's library on fire by crumpling up kid's paintings... Tsk tsk, Diehard... That can get you sued for damaging the children's self esteem in this day and age... Good thing the movie was made in the early 90's. Keenan hunts him down, they meet in the men's room, Diehard gets off a finisher shot, but not quite hard enough and Keenan comes back for the finish, totally OWNING Diehard and taking the championship. Diehard, slink back against the tile wall and lay there like the bitch you are!
BOB: Okay, that was a little harsh.
PIERRE: You're right, I forgot the ferret.
BOB: Diehard was strong in the effort though, and given the way he's been in the main event as of late, he definitely has a strong future if he can focus a little more.
PIERRE: Why are you so nice to everyone all the time?
BOB: Fine, I won't be nice to Ace Anderson.
PIERRE: My buddy Ace? Why the hell not, bitch?
BOB: Cause it was downright hilarious what happened to him here...
::Ace Anderson is yelling at Burke and Reaper, who are leaving the ringside area and walking out from the match. Lantlas, Grimm, and Roth all are standing behind him with their arms crossed. Anderson backs up right into Grimm.::
BOB: That can't be good.
PIERRE: Those cowards, how could they walk out on Greatness himself?
BOB: Probably because he didn't plan on trying to tag any of them in anyway?
PIERRE: Greatness does not need to tag, Smith!
BOB: He sure as hell did here.
::Roth takes advantage of the situation with a neckbreaker. Lantlas follows it up with a Flame of the West. Grimm seals the deal with a Harvest on Ace Anderson. Before Grimm goes for the pinfall, he stares at Lantlas. Lantlas takes a step back and offers Grimm the chance to make the pinfall, which he does. Lantlas shakes Roth's hand, and then stares Grimm dead in the face.::
LANTLAS: I think at last we understand each other.
::Grimm nods, but doesn't respond. Roth looks confused as hell.::
PIERRE: Why the hell did Lantlas let Grimm get the pinfall? Weren't they bitter rivals before?
BOB: I guess after all their battles, there is finally a mutual respect.
PIERRE: Lame.
BOB: But nothing was as surprising as the announcement Lantlas made following those happenings.
::Lantlas re-emerges from the stage with a mic as Roth and Grimm are still in the ring.::
LANTLAS: Due to circumstances that will go without explanation, PCW has been left without someone to run day-to-day business. Therefore, I have offered to assume the role until further notice. Therefore, since my name is not Vince McMahon, I am removing the PCW championship from my own waist and placing it up for grabs. Due to the surely limited chance I'll get to make an impression, I'm going to make an impact by giving the fans the quality wrestling PCW fans have come to love.
BOB: Where's he going with this?
PIERRE: I don't know, but I'm shocked that Lantlas has given up the world title.
BOB: You're telling me.
PIERRE: Of course I'm telling you. You're standing right next to me.
BOB: Actually, I'm sitting.
PIERRE: Shut the hell up, Bob.
LANTLAS: Finnegan Burke, you will go one on one with the man you avoided this evening, Jacob Roth. Ace, you will go one on one with the man who pinned you, Grimm. The new North American champion James Keenan will go one on one with the man who got the pinfall in the opening contest this evening, Tyrone "Crazy Boy" Smith. The winners of these three matches will compete the following week in a triple threat match... for the now vacant PCW championship.
BOB: Wow!
PIERRE: The best PCW has to offer will all be going head to head for a shot at the PCW championship!
BOB: I can't say I'm complaining, but we'll see where this goes. Until next week, I'm Bob Smith.
PIERRE: And I'm Pierre.
BOB: Good night.
BOB: Good evening.
PIERRE: Welcome to the PCW Recap show for Trauma, edition 79.
BOB: Due to technical difficulties, PCW did not air at its scheduled time. However, we know you diehard fans...
PIERRE: Not to be confused with Diehard fans.
BOB: What, like the movie Die Hard?
PIERRE: No, the wrestler.
BOB: Wow, color me speechless. You're actually doing a wrestling report. Bravo.
PIERRE: Will you stop with the languages? I told you, I was born on a damn airplane. I am not foreign!
BOB: You could be used as a foreign object though.
PIERRE: How so?
BOB: Maybe we'll find Kevin Nash to use you as a lawn dart?
PIERRE: No, I'm not Mexican.
BOB: What does that have to do with anything?
PIERRE: Nash was trying to throw Mysterio back across the border. That damn trailer just got in the way.
BOB: Um, Pierre? Rey Mysterio was born in San Diego.
PIERRE: Exactly, and they need to work on the border from San Diego to the United States.
BOB: San Diego is in California, you nimrod.
PIERRE: Hey, I don't think Heavy Metal would appreciate you blasphemizing his name as such.
BOB: I don't think he'd appreciate you being such a racist prick.
PIERRE: We're still on the air, aren't we?
BOB: Yes.
PIERRE: So someone's enjoying it.
::The clip from the four-on one handicapped match pitting Jade against 2Guys, Loco, and Tyrone Smith plays::
PIERRE: As you can see, Jade could have her way with two guys, but four is just not an option.
BOB: Here and I thought your position on that was "the more, the merrier."
PIERRE: Why are you saying 'merry'? It's not Christmas.
BOB: It's a phrase.
PIERRE: You're just trying to make it December again. I don't want it to be cold again, damn you!
::Jade manages to fire off a missile dropkick, sending 2Guys crashing into each other, and Loco laughs from ringside, refusing to tag in.::
BOB: Jade managed to get in some offense here.
PIERRE: Yeah, as I said, she had her way with 2Guys before, so what's the shocker now? Heh heh, shocker.
BOB: Don't you even...
PIERRE: Do you think Jade would let me give her the shocker?
BOB: Pierre, just shut up before she finds you and castrates you.
PIERRE: I don't think that will happen, based on this...
::Jade reaches over the top rope to make a grab at Loco. Crazy Boy sneaks up behind her and rolls her up for the three count.::
PIERRE: So a Crazy Boy is on top of Jade for the three count. Funny...
BOB: Will you stop with the sex jokes already?
PIERRE: I was just gonna say I expected a Lantlas appearance in this match.
BOB: Oh... Well, yeah... I was slightly surprised at that myself.
PIERRE: And next, we have Sterling James Keenan against Bruce Willis for the North American title.
BOB: Pierre...
PIERRE: What, I didn't say anything!
BOB: It's James Keenan, not Sterling James Keenan.
PIERRE: What's the difference?
BOB: SJK's tattoos are actually cool? I don't know.
::Clips of the match play in the background.::
BOB: As we can see here, this match was pretty back and forth...
PIERRE: Which is surprising, considering the apathy beforehand of the situation.
BOB: What do you mean by that?
PIERRE: Well, Diehard could've fought him on a helicopter and crashed through a pane of glass or something... Hell, I wouldn't have minded if they re-staged the ending of "The Graduate", and Diehard pounds on the window while Keenan is about to marry some blondeheaded slutbag, and for some reason Diehard is lusting over her soaked dirty panties or something... The girl runs after Diehard, cause she's in desperate need of having the clap on her wedding day, Keenan fights him on the way down, we have an altercation, and someone gets the pinfall after a piledriver through the punchbowl.
BOB: For once, you may be right.
PIERRE: I should be on creative. Skylar Marshall, hire me!
BOB: You already work for him.
PIERRE: Oh, yeah... Promotion!
BOB: Only if you can write the re-match to the parody of the Graduate.
PIERRE: Oh I can... Watch this.
::Keenan hits his finisher on Diehard and scores the pinfall. The ref raises his arm and hands him the North American championship.::
BOB: Okay, Pierre. Fire away.
PIERRE: As you can see here, this is a clear rip-off of Kindergarten Cop. Diehard is a coke dealer with a pretty cool ponytail who has a fascination for little children named Cullen. Keenan is trying to be Arnold... that guy who's now the governor of California... and he likes stalking blonde girls who love to pound and scream... in more ways than one, GIGGITTY-GIGGITTY! Diehard sets the kid's library on fire by crumpling up kid's paintings... Tsk tsk, Diehard... That can get you sued for damaging the children's self esteem in this day and age... Good thing the movie was made in the early 90's. Keenan hunts him down, they meet in the men's room, Diehard gets off a finisher shot, but not quite hard enough and Keenan comes back for the finish, totally OWNING Diehard and taking the championship. Diehard, slink back against the tile wall and lay there like the bitch you are!
BOB: Okay, that was a little harsh.
PIERRE: You're right, I forgot the ferret.
BOB: Diehard was strong in the effort though, and given the way he's been in the main event as of late, he definitely has a strong future if he can focus a little more.
PIERRE: Why are you so nice to everyone all the time?
BOB: Fine, I won't be nice to Ace Anderson.
PIERRE: My buddy Ace? Why the hell not, bitch?
BOB: Cause it was downright hilarious what happened to him here...
::Ace Anderson is yelling at Burke and Reaper, who are leaving the ringside area and walking out from the match. Lantlas, Grimm, and Roth all are standing behind him with their arms crossed. Anderson backs up right into Grimm.::
BOB: That can't be good.
PIERRE: Those cowards, how could they walk out on Greatness himself?
BOB: Probably because he didn't plan on trying to tag any of them in anyway?
PIERRE: Greatness does not need to tag, Smith!
BOB: He sure as hell did here.
::Roth takes advantage of the situation with a neckbreaker. Lantlas follows it up with a Flame of the West. Grimm seals the deal with a Harvest on Ace Anderson. Before Grimm goes for the pinfall, he stares at Lantlas. Lantlas takes a step back and offers Grimm the chance to make the pinfall, which he does. Lantlas shakes Roth's hand, and then stares Grimm dead in the face.::
LANTLAS: I think at last we understand each other.
::Grimm nods, but doesn't respond. Roth looks confused as hell.::
PIERRE: Why the hell did Lantlas let Grimm get the pinfall? Weren't they bitter rivals before?
BOB: I guess after all their battles, there is finally a mutual respect.
PIERRE: Lame.
BOB: But nothing was as surprising as the announcement Lantlas made following those happenings.
::Lantlas re-emerges from the stage with a mic as Roth and Grimm are still in the ring.::
LANTLAS: Due to circumstances that will go without explanation, PCW has been left without someone to run day-to-day business. Therefore, I have offered to assume the role until further notice. Therefore, since my name is not Vince McMahon, I am removing the PCW championship from my own waist and placing it up for grabs. Due to the surely limited chance I'll get to make an impression, I'm going to make an impact by giving the fans the quality wrestling PCW fans have come to love.
BOB: Where's he going with this?
PIERRE: I don't know, but I'm shocked that Lantlas has given up the world title.
BOB: You're telling me.
PIERRE: Of course I'm telling you. You're standing right next to me.
BOB: Actually, I'm sitting.
PIERRE: Shut the hell up, Bob.
LANTLAS: Finnegan Burke, you will go one on one with the man you avoided this evening, Jacob Roth. Ace, you will go one on one with the man who pinned you, Grimm. The new North American champion James Keenan will go one on one with the man who got the pinfall in the opening contest this evening, Tyrone "Crazy Boy" Smith. The winners of these three matches will compete the following week in a triple threat match... for the now vacant PCW championship.
BOB: Wow!
PIERRE: The best PCW has to offer will all be going head to head for a shot at the PCW championship!
BOB: I can't say I'm complaining, but we'll see where this goes. Until next week, I'm Bob Smith.
PIERRE: And I'm Pierre.
BOB: Good night.