Post by Andy D on Jun 21, 2014 20:40:11 GMT -5
The death of a friend is equivalent to the loss of a limb – German Proverb
I probably should start off with explaining how Menace hacked my blog or how he refused to give me back access, or even when I finally decided to pound his face into my fist until I had control back.
Then this happened. Menace gave me back control without saying a word.
I don’t know how to feel right now. I mean, I’m it’s defiantly not any kind of positive feelings I have right now but the exact nature of my feelings is difficult to explain. I range between emotionally void to bursting out into tears.
Yes I’ve cried. Contrary to popular belief it is not unmanly to cry. And even if it was, I’ve just lost several of my friends and I can beat up people who are 6 and a half feet and 300+ plus pounds. So I dare you to say that to my face right now.
Guess maybe I am angry as well as upset. Angry at a lot of things, from the accident, to my friends being dead, to the futile nature of my anger at my friends being dead. And a bunch of other stuff in between.
And I’m angry at myself for being more upset at the death of one of those victims more than the others. But damn it, why did it have to be Mel.
Melina Cruz is… well I guess it’s was now. Melina was the brightest light in a place that is now slowly becoming dimmer to me. Her simple smile could brighten my mood in an instant. Her positive attitude to work was infectious. And her laugh… oh god I will forever miss that laugh.
My feelings for Mel weren’t exactly secret per say, but due to our positions within the company and the possible conflict of interest it could cause, I kind of just avoided admitting it. We were friends, that’s as far as we took things and any conversation beyond that avoided talking about any further feelings we may or may not have. I now never know how Melina actually felt about me, if she was skirting the issue as much as I was for the same reasons or if I miss read everything there.
I also never got to tell her I was in love with her.
We were always so damn concerned with professionalism, with making sure that PCW didn’t fire one of us just because we wanted to give in to anything more than “being friendly”, that I just never said the words. We had all these little code words, or phrases or whatever the hell we did to never mention our exact feelings to each other. And now I have nothing but regret for that very thing for the rest of my life.
Now every time I remember that smile, my heart will sink. Instead of butterflies fluttering in my stomach every time I remember her cute little giggle, a piece of my soul will drop down there instead. And that little smirk she used to give me every time I knew she was plotting someway to land me into trouble with her brothers…
Oh god, I have no idea how Marcus and Manny are feeling right now. They were close, I know that. Marcus and Manny were always protective over their kid sister, especially once she started hanging around wrestlers. I don’t know how many times Marcus gave me a stern warning to be careful, and various analogies involving Grimm, pain and how it would be pleasant compared to his wrath if I ever hurt Mel. Manny was always more reasonable, but he still would give a word or two of caution to me. I think after a while, these guys would do that just to go through the motions. I would hope they eventually accepted I was a friend of Melina. Then again, they would know better than anyone how they wouldn’t have a say regardless.
Melina is independent as a rocky island without a beach. You only have to read her official PCW bio to gather that much. As much as she cared for her brothers she still went and did things her own way. She chose to be a referee and trained herself. You really think anybody could tell her who she could be friends with or who she could date? No, her bothers and I were all dancing around to her tune in the end, no matter how much we believed we could influence her.
And to think this isn’t where the pain even ends. Because our PCW family has lost so many of its members. Between Tyrone Little and Crazy Bob, we have lost two of the most experienced member of PCW. These are they guys who tell you what it’s like to be around here, what the atmosphere is like and how you are expected to treat yourself both in and out of work. These guys had respect from everybody in the company (apart from maybe the odd psychotic wrestler). Roberto and I weren’t that close, but I knew Nolan well and I knew he was working his ass off to do more in this industry that just referee. And he was getting there, the higher ups were very acknowledgeable of not only his goals, but his abilities to achieve them.
Friends all of them, their losses will wound our soul for a long time. But Melina will scar mine most of all. I’m not even sure how I should continue onwards, let alone if I am capable of doing so. I wouldn’t blame her brothers if they decided to stop working for PCW, but not only will I be in attendance at Living a Legacy, I will compete against Kelli Star and Nathan Saniti, I will greet this Derek Cosmos that I’m partnered up with and I will wrestle the match.
And it won’t just be half hearted either. Because Tyrone, Crazy Bob, Roberto, Nolan and especially Melina all loved PCW. They all gave their hearts to this company. I know for a fact Melina loved being in that ring, hearing The Faithful get pumped for an upcoming match or superstar about to make their entrance. That’s why a lot of us still do what we do, for the fans, for those Faithful.
So that’s what I’m going to do for Living a Legacy. I’m going to go out with a black armband on and I’m going to wrestle the best damn match I can. Kelli Star and Nathan Saniti better bring their A game because I intend to give the fans a hell of a show. I will push myself beyond my limits, not for honour, or for glory. But to make every fan in the arena cheer, to make everyone at home leap off their seats. I want every single PCW fan around the world to have their hearts beating with excitement at the spectacle I will put on.
And every cheer, every drop of excitement, every single volt of electricity that will not be for me, it will be for Melina Cruz, for Tyrone Little, For Roberto Garcia, Nolan Burke and for Crazy Bob. Because that’s how I’ll carry on, by making sure we all continue on this company that they all loved.
No matter the pain, no matter the heartache, I will never forget what these people meant to me, what Melina meant to me. It’s because she meant so much it hurts so hard. It’s so hard to say goodbye, but one day, maybe I’ll be able to. Until then I’ll protect that flame you lit inside me so your light will never truly go out.
I probably should start off with explaining how Menace hacked my blog or how he refused to give me back access, or even when I finally decided to pound his face into my fist until I had control back.
Then this happened. Menace gave me back control without saying a word.
I don’t know how to feel right now. I mean, I’m it’s defiantly not any kind of positive feelings I have right now but the exact nature of my feelings is difficult to explain. I range between emotionally void to bursting out into tears.
Yes I’ve cried. Contrary to popular belief it is not unmanly to cry. And even if it was, I’ve just lost several of my friends and I can beat up people who are 6 and a half feet and 300+ plus pounds. So I dare you to say that to my face right now.
Guess maybe I am angry as well as upset. Angry at a lot of things, from the accident, to my friends being dead, to the futile nature of my anger at my friends being dead. And a bunch of other stuff in between.
And I’m angry at myself for being more upset at the death of one of those victims more than the others. But damn it, why did it have to be Mel.
Melina Cruz is… well I guess it’s was now. Melina was the brightest light in a place that is now slowly becoming dimmer to me. Her simple smile could brighten my mood in an instant. Her positive attitude to work was infectious. And her laugh… oh god I will forever miss that laugh.
My feelings for Mel weren’t exactly secret per say, but due to our positions within the company and the possible conflict of interest it could cause, I kind of just avoided admitting it. We were friends, that’s as far as we took things and any conversation beyond that avoided talking about any further feelings we may or may not have. I now never know how Melina actually felt about me, if she was skirting the issue as much as I was for the same reasons or if I miss read everything there.
I also never got to tell her I was in love with her.
We were always so damn concerned with professionalism, with making sure that PCW didn’t fire one of us just because we wanted to give in to anything more than “being friendly”, that I just never said the words. We had all these little code words, or phrases or whatever the hell we did to never mention our exact feelings to each other. And now I have nothing but regret for that very thing for the rest of my life.
Now every time I remember that smile, my heart will sink. Instead of butterflies fluttering in my stomach every time I remember her cute little giggle, a piece of my soul will drop down there instead. And that little smirk she used to give me every time I knew she was plotting someway to land me into trouble with her brothers…
Oh god, I have no idea how Marcus and Manny are feeling right now. They were close, I know that. Marcus and Manny were always protective over their kid sister, especially once she started hanging around wrestlers. I don’t know how many times Marcus gave me a stern warning to be careful, and various analogies involving Grimm, pain and how it would be pleasant compared to his wrath if I ever hurt Mel. Manny was always more reasonable, but he still would give a word or two of caution to me. I think after a while, these guys would do that just to go through the motions. I would hope they eventually accepted I was a friend of Melina. Then again, they would know better than anyone how they wouldn’t have a say regardless.
Melina is independent as a rocky island without a beach. You only have to read her official PCW bio to gather that much. As much as she cared for her brothers she still went and did things her own way. She chose to be a referee and trained herself. You really think anybody could tell her who she could be friends with or who she could date? No, her bothers and I were all dancing around to her tune in the end, no matter how much we believed we could influence her.
And to think this isn’t where the pain even ends. Because our PCW family has lost so many of its members. Between Tyrone Little and Crazy Bob, we have lost two of the most experienced member of PCW. These are they guys who tell you what it’s like to be around here, what the atmosphere is like and how you are expected to treat yourself both in and out of work. These guys had respect from everybody in the company (apart from maybe the odd psychotic wrestler). Roberto and I weren’t that close, but I knew Nolan well and I knew he was working his ass off to do more in this industry that just referee. And he was getting there, the higher ups were very acknowledgeable of not only his goals, but his abilities to achieve them.
Friends all of them, their losses will wound our soul for a long time. But Melina will scar mine most of all. I’m not even sure how I should continue onwards, let alone if I am capable of doing so. I wouldn’t blame her brothers if they decided to stop working for PCW, but not only will I be in attendance at Living a Legacy, I will compete against Kelli Star and Nathan Saniti, I will greet this Derek Cosmos that I’m partnered up with and I will wrestle the match.
And it won’t just be half hearted either. Because Tyrone, Crazy Bob, Roberto, Nolan and especially Melina all loved PCW. They all gave their hearts to this company. I know for a fact Melina loved being in that ring, hearing The Faithful get pumped for an upcoming match or superstar about to make their entrance. That’s why a lot of us still do what we do, for the fans, for those Faithful.
So that’s what I’m going to do for Living a Legacy. I’m going to go out with a black armband on and I’m going to wrestle the best damn match I can. Kelli Star and Nathan Saniti better bring their A game because I intend to give the fans a hell of a show. I will push myself beyond my limits, not for honour, or for glory. But to make every fan in the arena cheer, to make everyone at home leap off their seats. I want every single PCW fan around the world to have their hearts beating with excitement at the spectacle I will put on.
And every cheer, every drop of excitement, every single volt of electricity that will not be for me, it will be for Melina Cruz, for Tyrone Little, For Roberto Garcia, Nolan Burke and for Crazy Bob. Because that’s how I’ll carry on, by making sure we all continue on this company that they all loved.
No matter the pain, no matter the heartache, I will never forget what these people meant to me, what Melina meant to me. It’s because she meant so much it hurts so hard. It’s so hard to say goodbye, but one day, maybe I’ll be able to. Until then I’ll protect that flame you lit inside me so your light will never truly go out.