Post by Joka on Sept 12, 2014 17:59:20 GMT -5
“The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.”
The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy
Monologue Time Baby!!!
....
.......
Just kidding...
The night was heavy with darkness and the illumination from the cracks of lightning over the mountains of South Carolina were a welcome distraction from the misadventures my mind was taken to taking at any given moment. Although my mind was known to wander off, this was not a time for it to be leaving me by my loathsome ones'ies. The twists and turns on this highway were unbearable. I had settled into my new home at Pure Class Wrestling well enough; finding reasonable lodgings inside the ceiling of the PCW Arena, making dear friends of the spiders and mice who inhabit the area. However, I needed a mode of transportation. Was I expected to hitchhike my way around or something. So I did what any man would do if he had enough money to waste and not worry about it. I bought myself a shiny 1969 Cadillac and named it Ford. Why Ford? I don't know why I named it Ford, but I have a feeling it has something to do with not wanting to be a hitchhiker. The car was a brilliant shade of gold and for some reason, when I saw it, I thought it odd that it looked to be shaped like a running shoe. I had to have it!
The salesman who sold it to me, a Mr. Arthur Tend, was ever so cheerful to be rid of the thing. I got it for the low, low price of only forty-two dollars. For some unknown reason, he told me that if I were to find any odd and peculiar things in the car, a cassette tape with just the song Paranoid Android by Radiohead recorded at ever increasing frequencies, a pig heart, a bouquet of flowers, to not worry and never ask why those things are in there. None of those things seemed odd to me at the time but I nodded and went on my way.
"It must be Thursday... I never could get the hang of Thursdays..." I murmured to myself as I took another sharp corner at breakneck speeds.
"Did you say something to me, Joka-Cat?" Johnny Suede questioned as the sound of his voice jolted me back into reality. Had he been there this whole time? I thought I had been alone in the car. Maybe he rode a motorcycle up to the car and hopped in when I wasn't looking. My suspicious eyes darted from him, to the road, and back to him as I processed the thoughts in my head.
"You were jiberjabberin' to y'erself again... weren't ya Joka-Cat?" Said Johnny as I increased thrust on the good-ship Ford. I nodded slightly to him as he went back to staring out of the passenger-side window with excitement. What was he excited about, I wondered.
"Oh Yeah! We're goin' to see the old lady who haunts Gray Court!" I screamed with excitement as Johnny again looked at me, most likely speculating something dastardly. Probably just assuming I'm talking to myself again, which I was!
My companion and I were south of Greenville at the moment, on route 107, headed for Mauldin to take the road south to Gray Court. I had heard an intriguing story from some gentlemen who were trying to sell me crack cocaine at a gas station of a tunnel in Gray Court that was inhabited by the spirit of an old lady. I passed on the drugs but inquired about the directions to Gray Court. I wanted to see this old lady and ask her some questions. So many questions flitted and fluttered in my mind; are Dolphins smarter than humans, who is the worst poet of all time, what is so great about towels, but the question that proceeded all of those in infinite importance was everything. Not everything like anything, but Everything. Life, the Universe, Everything. What is the answer to every 'thing'!
The rain had started to come down harder and the incessant tapping of it had interrupted my thoughts and drove me to the brink of madness with its irrelevant repetition. For as old as this car was, the last owner thought it wise to hook a brand new sound system into it and thusly I utilized this feature of my newly acquired rig to quickly play some music from my iPod and drown out the noise. Hitting shuffle and random seemed quite fitting at the moment, and the first song to play was 46 and 2. Why am I getting a feeling of deja vu?
"South Carolina." Johnny says abruptly. "It's big..."
"You won't believe how mind bogglingly big it is!" I answer as Johnny turns the radio down just enough.
"How much farther until we get to Antsville Daddy-O?
"It's just right-south of Greensville homie. Not too much longer!" I answer and then quickly pull hard on the steering wheel as a crack of lightning illuminates the road ahead and reveals a man walking by the wayside. A few slides and spins later and my headlights are pointed at the man, he seems unfazed by the two tons of metal that almost barreled right into him. Johnny is the first to exit the vehicle and I follow close behind after lighting a cigarette to calm my nerves.
"We're real sorry we almost hit you stranger!" Johnny yells out into the rain as I walk calmly up to him. The man looks up to us, stops walking, and all three of us stare at each other as a chorus of explosive thunder rings out from behind the mountains that sit quietly in attendance. The trees swaying eerily in the howling breeze, sympathetic to the plight of the mountains.
"Well aren't ya gonna say something mister?" Johnny inquires as I take to smoking my cigarette faster so the rain doesn't make it soggy and worthless. The man is dressed in a kind of business attire, carrying a very old leather briefcase, and answers my Japanese friend by sticking his thumb out and pointing it toward the road.
"He needs a ride!" Johnny exclaims with a smile and I wave him on as Johnny and I turn to head for my Cadillac named Ford. All three doors slam almost in unison as the newly acquainted hitchhiker joins us on our adventure into the South Carolina wilderness. The man was quiet, some would say too quiet, but I find myself being a creepy flavor of quiet on occasion so I couldn't blame a man for not wanting to talk. Three songs down, a few miles down the road, and a couple of cigarettes later and Johnny asked the inevitable question that I knew was coming.
"So Whattaya think of this match they got you in come Return To Glory?"
"It's not the future match that bears down on my mind Johnny, but the match that is already behind me." I answered cryptically.
"What kinda riddle is dat Joka-Cat?"
"Fact of the matter is... Gem has a head of steam going into this pay-per-view. She defeated me in single combat already. I have a feeling she'll be thinking she can just walk all over me again. I have a feeling she'll disregard me and focus on the other two eager upstarts to her throne. Of course Metaldome and Sapphy are gonna be goin' straight for the Queen." I answered, finally letting the air from my lungs, the talkative side finally emerging from my psyche.
"I don't give a hoot what she thinks she saw last week. She ain't seen the Joka-Cat at his finest yet. She will though. Oh how she'll see it!" Johnny exuberantly exclaims as I turn back to our newly acquired friend.
"So what's y'er name homie?"
"Me? Stevens... Larry Stevens..." The mysterious passenger answers in a rather monotonous tone. The rest of the car ride was rather dull and silent. Johnny feeling antsy as The Hitchhiker and I decided to play the 'Who Can Be Moar Creepy Silent' game with each other. We arrived in Gray Court with the storm dying down some, the possibility being that we somehow outran it in my Cadillac named Ford. We arrived at the destination without seeing too much traffic. The entrance to the tunnel was overgrown and the tunnel itself smelled of the macabre.
"We're here!" I shouted as I stopped the car and turned off the engine. The rain had slowed but echoes of thunder still rung out throughout the forest. Johnny, showing signs of trepidation, slowly exited the vehicle and hung close to my shadow. Our strange new friend exited the vehicle and, without saying a word, slowly began walking toward the tunnel entrance. I followed excitedly, pulling a small flashlight out of my pocket and shining it toward the haunted tunnel. This place seemed nice. If I didn't already have prime real estate in the ceiling of the PCW Arena, I could see myself setting up camp here. A wrestling ring over there. A small couch over here.
"I've been walking for so long. So very long..." The hitchhiker murmurs to himself as Johnny and I shoot a glance at one another. The ever increasing look of worry on Johnny's face getting worse as he sees the excitement on mine. I followed the man into the tunnel and the place wreaked of stagnant water. I stepped forward in front of the hitchhiker as Johnny stayed close behind and turned off my flashlight.
"I am here to talk to the lady of the tunnel. I enter your grey court humbly and request an audience with you to ask you a simple question." I shouted into the overwhelming darkness, the echo of my words bouncing off the cold concrete walls and followed by nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat and the thumping of the thunder in the hills outside.
I have but one question... my lady! What... is the the answer... to everything!"
More silence followed and I could hear the heavy breathing of my compatriot Johnny behind me. Suddenly a small whisper floats into my ear from behind us.
"The answer is... 42..."
Johnny and I turn around quickly as I turn on and shine my flashlight in the direction of the entrance to the dank tunnel only to find that our mysterious new friend is gone. I scan the area but the Hitchhiker had seemed to vanish right out from underneath us. However, in the place where he once stood sat a pile of fish. Johnny screamed bloody murder and bolted for the entrance to the labyrinth as I walked calmly over to the spot and smiled. I picked up a few of the dead fish in my hand and my smile grew more vicious.
I think I found my new home. I turned to look deep into the darkness of that loathsome place and sighed as I headed for the exit.
"So long... and thanks for the fish!"
