Post by Derek Cosmos on Dec 24, 2014 9:37:55 GMT -5
Cosmos’s Journal from the Future being Written in the Present which makes it the Past
Sadistic Smells
Mr. Showtime Laid an Egg
Oh what fun
It is to beat
The Black Hand
On Christmas Day
…Okay, I’m not wrestling on Christmas Day, but I AM wrestling with the dirtiest member of The Black Hand (nope, not Grimm [he still needs to bathe], and nope, not their pet- Cory Steel). That man is Mr. Showtime. A man so villainous, he has a wife named Perfection. Only piece of perfection I know is Derek Cosmos. Oh, and Stacy Jones. Maybe even Seth Archer, but I’m not gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that- hi Seth!).
And while it won’t be on Christmas Day, it WILL BE on the Holiday Edition of PCW Tuesday Night Trauma: An edition of Trauma that will host an award show for the festively-named Icey Awards.
I’m actually nominated for quite a few Iceys this year- Most Loved, Most Inspirational, Best Match, and the one that I’m gunning for- Breakout Star. There’s no way that Frank Foley can’t know who I am if I win the PCW Breakout Star Icey Award. There’s no way.
Did you see the level of disrespect that he showed me at Deadly Intentions? Of course, I don’t think it’s personal. He probably just has dementia or something. How can he not realize I’m…I’m…I’m Derek Cosmos.
You know I’m Derek Cosmos right?...The Time Traveler from the Future? The same Derek Cosmos who is a real-life model slash superhero? The same Derek Cosmos who has tried to save the future by coming to the present which has caused me to receive TWO black eyes?
(Of course you know who I am. You’re me and I’m writing you.)
Frank Foley has to be just joshing me: Has to be. Because if not, I just don’t get it. I’ll need explaining why the biggest fan in PCW history doesn’t realize that I’m PCW’s Breakout Star.
That’s it! That’s the problem!
I was never a wrestler in my timeline. I did not exist. If I don’t exist, how can Foley know who I am?
…But I do exist! I’m not a fictional character. I…ugh. This timeline jumping stuff really screws me up.
If I was anxiety-ridden, my time traveling would have caused a massive panic in the Cosmos household by now. Instead, it just causes a lot of confusion. Know who deals well with confusion?- Mr. Showtime. He’s someone who was someone else who is now back to being himself because he’s teaming with the someone else he was being?
I don’t know, Showtime…he’s confusing. That guy doesn’t know WHO he is.
(And his movies suck. Have you ever seen him star in, “The Guy With No Nads?” Worst. Movie. Ever.
…of course you seen him star in it DC: You’re the writer of the questions!)
So on Tuesday, December 30, I will be back in the past to deliver a thrashing to Showtime. I will have to defeat The Black Hand singlehandedly.
“No you won’t.”
(Wait! Who said that?)
“I’ll be right there at ringside with you. Rooting you on from ringside as you show The Black Hand and President Foley who you are. Because hunny, you’re Derek Cosmos. And you’re amazing.”
(I slam my journal shut and turn my gaze from its pages to the beautiful face of Stacy Jones. Stacy…she was a nice pick-up for me.
Beautiful, blonde, and has a way of making a man feel like a man. I don’t know where things are going between us, and now that her brother, Seth Archer, is involved in our lives…I can only imagine the kind of adventures we will have on our way to save the future from Andy D.
Stacy sits on the opposite side of her living room, staring at me as I process my thoughts.)
“Stacy, how…how did you know what I was writing from the other side of the room?”
“You were reading what you wrote out-loud, silly. …And thank you- I am a piece of perfection.”
“Was I? I really need to stop doing that. And of course you are.”
“And darling, all you really need to stop doing is worrying about Frank Foley. That guy is kind of a jerk to you.”
“He means well. Unlike that nefarious Andy D. I was so happy to see The Cosmos come out there and cause enough of a distraction to knock the Old Man out of the Deadly Rumble.”
“Yeah, you never did tell me what was going on. Sooo…The Cosmos, want to explain that one to me?”
(I have nothing to explain. I know nothing about this The Cosmos character.)
“I have nothing to explain. I know nothing about this The Cosmos character. He just kind of…showed up. Awesome mask though.”
“So, you’re telling me that you're not The Cosmos?”
“Of course not. How can I be The Cosmos if I’m.…Derek Cosmos.”
“You are so weird. Want to makeout?”
“Most certainly.”
(I get up off of Stacy’s incredibly comfortable pink shag couch and begin walking to Stacy, who is sitting in her own pink chair. The couch and chair is pink shag because she’s awesome.)
“Just do me one favor, cuteness. Don’t get involved in my match. Be my cheerleader, because, hey…who doesn’t like cheerleaders?...but do not get involved. If you get involved, The Horrors of Hangtown will get involved, and then there will be no more boogeymen because I would have to eviscerate them. If you could do me that, I can give you all of this.”
(I slide my hands down my chest and land them on my hips. I thrust with lust and soon…I’ll bust…The Black Hand for all their misdeeds.)
“I promise I’ll behave if you hurry over here.”
(And with that, and then this, I conclude this message. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone. I seen the future- you'll enjoy yourselves if you give it a chance.)
