Gem
PCW Veteran
Posts: 279
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Post by Gem on May 13, 2015 13:29:48 GMT -5
I had to put this up now, just because I've been setting up that RP since I got here, and I'm dying to know reactions. As with T172, I'll try to get to everyone myself, but for a minute here, I just have to know what you thought.
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Post by Sadistic on May 14, 2015 0:54:29 GMT -5
Damn. Gem out of the gates with a bomb! You're gonna make Eira and Sadistic work for this one. I think this was one of your better Gem RPs, but I'm probably a bit biased because of the awesome big reveal at the end. The build up over the past year AND the build up throughout the course of the RP were paced extremely well. Gem's verbal bashing of Eira was very precise and logically thought out(which, coming from you the writer, makes complete sense). The indentured servants and plantation owners line was classic. As someone who followed your old characters pretty damn closely(I have one of your books, for Grimm's sake!) I was able to pick up on all of the subtle clues of the returning characters and I'd be lying if I said I didn't mark out just a little bit. Sometimes the Big Reveal falls flat or doesn't live up to expectations, but you crushed it! You couldn't have chosen a better show for this story to peak. Very well done, friend.
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Gem
PCW Veteran
Posts: 279
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Post by Gem on May 14, 2015 14:30:47 GMT -5
Damn. Gem out of the gates with a bomb! You're gonna make Eira and Sadistic work for this one. I think this was one of your better Gem RPs, but I'm probably a bit biased because of the awesome big reveal at the end. The build up over the past year AND the build up throughout the course of the RP were paced extremely well. Gem's verbal bashing of Eira was very precise and logically thought out(which, coming from you the writer, makes complete sense). The indentured servants and plantation owners line was classic. As someone who followed your old characters pretty damn closely(I have one of your books, for Grimm's sake!) I was able to pick up on all of the subtle clues of the returning characters and I'd be lying if I said I didn't mark out just a little bit. Sometimes the Big Reveal falls flat or doesn't live up to expectations, but you crushed it! You couldn't have chosen a better show for this story to peak. Very well done, friend. I've had parts of that RP planned since I came back in March of last year, but I had no idea I'd get to the point where I wrote something like that. I love where this character has taken me. Thank you.
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Post by Stormm on May 14, 2015 15:05:30 GMT -5
"My Legacy is Secure" by GemFirst off, I've had this sneaking suspicion on what Gem's true identity might be for a while. The who she really is part was a shock, but the person behind the words kind of has been sitting in the back of my head for a while. Not just the headache inducing green text RPs either, which I may add that the green is tons better than the teal was for Lantlas. The details have been there, it was just a matter of putting them all together. I guess we can officially say, "welcome back" now? You definitely know how to handle a character, though, and don't disappoint with whoever you are behind! Next, I'm really glad you had this opportunity to drop this on us, especially for a huge match such as this. The timing couldn't have been better (conspiracy or not ) but will easily make Josh and Kris sweat a bit with their RPs. While the overall build up to this point has been very entertaining, this piece definitely being no exception to that fact, I think the one thing that took away from your roleplay was actually built into it. "I get it, I'm tired of being left out. Let's get on with it already." In writing her frustrations with just wanting to know the truth, it seemed to drag for me, as the reader, a bit as well. I did very much enjoy the interview section of the RP, which helped break up the aggravation of just wanting to "know already" throughout the rest of the piece. As I always say, I'm never one to talk in length about spelling/grammar, as I always seem to miss some small things here and there in my RPs, but per the norm, nothing distracted from your RP in this category, and allowed it to flow without those distractions. Now, I can't help but be a little narcissistic in response to one part of your roleplay, but, since I'm already this in-depth, I might as well mention it. Just because! LoL "The point is, everyone here who has come across my path has tried to do something to make me go away..." Granted, our little feud for the NA title was some months ago, and it's not relevant anymore, but I don't recall Stormm ever doing anything to make her "go away"! Just an observation. Overall, really good stuff, and in true you style, posting extremely fast after the card goes up. At this point, however, I'm very interested to see how the story progresses now that everyone "knows"!
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Gem
PCW Veteran
Posts: 279
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Post by Gem on May 14, 2015 15:39:14 GMT -5
"My Legacy is Secure" by GemFirst off, I've had this sneaking suspicion on what Gem's true identity might be for a while. The who she really is part was a shock, but the person behind the words kind of has been sitting in the back of my head for a while. Not just the headache inducing green text RPs either, which I may add that the green is tons better than the teal was for Lantlas. The details have been there, it was just a matter of putting them all together. I guess we can officially say, "welcome back" now? You definitely know how to handle a character, though, and don't disappoint with whoever you are behind! Next, I'm really glad you had this opportunity to drop this on us, especially for a huge match such as this. The timing couldn't have been better (conspiracy or not ) but will easily make Josh and Kris sweat a bit with their RPs. While the overall build up to this point has been very entertaining, this piece definitely being no exception to that fact, I think the one thing that took away from your roleplay was actually built into it. "I get it, I'm tired of being left out. Let's get on with it already." In writing her frustrations with just wanting to know the truth, it seemed to drag for me, as the reader, a bit as well. I did very much enjoy the interview section of the RP, which helped break up the aggravation of just wanting to "know already" throughout the rest of the piece. As I always say, I'm never one to talk in length about spelling/grammar, as I always seem to miss some small things here and there in my RPs, but per the norm, nothing distracted from your RP in this category, and allowed it to flow without those distractions. Now, I can't help but be a little narcissistic in response to one part of your roleplay, but, since I'm already this in-depth, I might as well mention it. Just because! LoL "The point is, everyone here who has come across my path has tried to do something to make me go away..." Granted, our little feud for the NA title was some months ago, and it's not relevant anymore, but I don't recall Stormm ever doing anything to make her "go away"! Just an observation. Overall, really good stuff, and in true you style, posting extremely fast after the card goes up. At this point, however, I'm very interested to see how the story progresses now that everyone "knows"! To be fair, nobody in kayfabe "knows" yet. But thank you... I know it probably dragged a bit, but like it has been said, this has been a fourteen-month buildup, and I knew exactly when I was going to drop the big reveal, so I may have milked it just a tad
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Post by Non Compos Mentis on May 15, 2015 7:46:47 GMT -5
My Legacy Is Secure - GemHo-Ly-Shit... too many revelations, not enough brain to take them all! I had suspicions about the true identity of Gem but this and everything else exploded them into dust. Aside from being just an awesomely written story it was, I'll be honest, quite emotional to see old faces together and nurturing Gem toward her destiny. As a final comment.... ZOMG! That is all.
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Post by Stormm on May 22, 2015 19:01:57 GMT -5
This thread sort of died after some initial feedback for Alrissa's RP(s). Anyone else wanting to jump in here? I know there are some of you hugging the deadline pretty tightly right now, and don't have the time to post feedback, but there are other's who have posted already, and could easily get some feedback up. (Yes, I'm aware that I'm among them, and could offer more feedback as well. )
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Joka
PCW Veteran
Posts: 382
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Post by Joka on May 22, 2015 20:16:57 GMT -5
I just worked an almost 70 hour week and used all the time off I had to today to finish my roleplays. Let me preface this request by saying I tried something new... sorry for the lo-fi quality. If the new aspects of my roleplay are liked I'll keep doing them. Felt good to draw again. Might even start doing hand drawn banners... maybe starting with one for me.
Anyways... to the point. I went in a crazy direction with my roleplay, I know. Also, it was intended to write out the entire second roleplay on notebook paper (complete with crazy scribblings, also was intended to write out the other loose journal pages) but time ran short on me.
So could I get some feedback. Desperately needed as I took a huge risk with a new thing and second guessing myself as to how well it'll pay off. I plan on getting some feedback up for a couple of roleplays I read later tonight or early tomorrow morning.
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Post by Alexa Black on May 22, 2015 20:28:05 GMT -5
I just worked an almost 70 hour week and used all the time off I had to today to finish my roleplays. Let me preface this request by saying I tried something new... sorry for the lo-fi quality. If the new aspects of my roleplay are liked I'll keep doing them. Felt good to draw again. Might even start doing hand drawn banners... maybe starting with one for me. Anyways... to the point. I went in a crazy direction with my roleplay, I know. Also, it was intended to write out the entire second roleplay on notebook paper (complete with crazy scribblings, also was intended to write out the other loose journal pages) but time ran short on me. So could I get some feedback. Desperately needed as I took a huge risk with a new thing and second guessing myself as to how well it'll pay off. I plan on getting some feedback up for a couple of roleplays I read later tonight or early tomorrow morning. I really liked your RP's. I liked the use of a journal as an insight into Joka's crazy mind. I also liked the way we saw a different side of Monsta too. You did well.
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Buck Brochamp
PCW Talent
The tannest, most jacked arms in PCW!!!!
Posts: 87
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Post by Buck Brochamp on May 22, 2015 20:43:30 GMT -5
Could I get some feedback??? I no it was rushed I usually have my stuff proofread brah
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Buck Brochamp
PCW Talent
The tannest, most jacked arms in PCW!!!!
Posts: 87
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Post by Buck Brochamp on May 22, 2015 20:49:39 GMT -5
Please don't judge me on the little spelling things. I'm usually edited.
and so I'm not a terd
high tide, your awesome brah. One of my favorites writers. Just need to fix a few grammer errors and your da bomb man. We really should tag team up dog. Having Brochamp in your writing really helped it you no
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High Tide
PCW Icon
Bring on the drunken pirate!
Posts: 1,219
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Post by High Tide on May 22, 2015 20:52:32 GMT -5
Sure thing Buck? Or do you prefer to be called Brochamp? I'm not sure, but I figured it'd be polite to ask. You did ask pretty nicely after all.
First off, I think the title is one of the most clever things about it. Not only that but it foreshadow's the tone of the roleplay to come.
"Make sure you get under the sack"... love this line. You know what you got balls, you just come right out and say what you're gonna say, no fancy prefaces, no tact, no love, you're just being you, and you're Buck Brochamp the Badass (you can use that for you're little ring announcer game like they have in the WWE games... call name? Is that the right term? Not sure but it sounds catchy Buck "The Badass" Brochamp. Anyways back to feedback (which incidentally rhymes with sack.)
The wordplay with the US Postal Van and working with his dad there and leading us on with double meanings and such was genius. I didn't know if we were delivering mail or delivering the d. Crazy shit man, you're in two worlds at once.
Killing people? Seems pretty intense, but the lack of description is what leaves me shaking. I'm just imagining all the ways Buck Brochamp would and could do that. The worker going through the window is a perfect little ending touch to this and just screams straightforward, I don't give a fuck, badass. Love the character's gimmick.
If you get the next roleplay up with some spell check and grammar editing, I really think you could be a force to be reckoned with here in PCW.
I Brolieve.
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Buck Brochamp
PCW Talent
The tannest, most jacked arms in PCW!!!!
Posts: 87
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Post by Buck Brochamp on May 22, 2015 23:06:29 GMT -5
Thanx brah. Like I said I usually have time to edit. Thanx for having my back man.
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Joka
PCW Veteran
Posts: 382
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Post by Joka on May 23, 2015 16:51:01 GMT -5
My Legacy Is Secure by GemThat... was a reveal. THAT is how you do a motherfucking twist ending! Holy SHEEEEET! The story goes back farther than some of us could know but this roleplay did a good job of retelling it. I could tell you knew that there would be some who had no idea who Lantlas and Nacho Grande is... and you did an excellent job of filling in the grey areas while at the same time telling the story that needed to be told. Also... loved the part where Grant put his mask on. "I finally knew why we met in a Taco Bell." A little comedy out of the serious girl. I likes it! Probably the best roleplay of the cycle in mah opinion. Then you got Sadistic chomping at the heels with... Living a Legacy: Platform of Immortality by SadisticA long Sadistic roleplay... a very long Sadistic roleplay. For the curious... a 3001 word roleplay. I make a big deal about it cuz I like long reads that can engage me and this was engaging from start to finish. The dialogue between and Billy and Ruth is always entertaining to read. Mah favorite, however, was the middle part. Mmmm I love how scary and terrifying religulous zealots are! Sadistic standing at the pulpit screaming at his "flock". You had focus on both Gem AND Eira. Good thing cuz here comes Eira with the last Main Event roleplay with... Isaiah 19:9 by EiraYou have a monologue! I love monologues. This one was short and sweet, even breaking the fourth wall a bit (moarlove) and opened the roleplay up beautifully. Did I mention I love monologues? What can I say about the story that won't be unanimous amongst the collective. This is how you write action right here. A berserk Murdoc is scary and you give him an almost untouchable glow with the way you describe him. And then comes the smack talk. It's hard to out smack talk you... I assume. The vitriol here is biting. This is a perfect example of why I don't read my opponents roleplays until after I have posted mine... usually. This kind of roleplay would be enough to give someone a major brain wall. And even though you didn't follow the roleplay naming theme like Gem and Sadistic did... you did follow the theme perfectly with the end of the roleplay. These three roleplays and they Legacy themes not only do the name of the PPV justice... but bolster it. Makes a lad like me await it even more anxiously. Fuck the TIITS... match of the night right here because all of these roleplays rocked out-fucking-loud!
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Gem
PCW Veteran
Posts: 279
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Post by Gem on May 23, 2015 19:39:07 GMT -5
Could I get some feedback??? I no it was rushed I usually have my stuff proofread brah If you are not published yet, this piece alone could spark a million manuscripts. I suggest submitting it immediately.
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Post by Sadistic on May 24, 2015 14:21:39 GMT -5
Could I get some feedback??? I no it was rushed I usually have my stuff proofread brah If you are not published yet, this piece alone could spark a million manuscripts. I suggest submitting it immediately. I whole-heartedly second this, Buck.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2015 17:18:34 GMT -5
You guys are a bunch of jerks!
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Post by Non Compos Mentis on May 24, 2015 18:18:38 GMT -5
You guys are a bunch of jerks! Yeah but we're jerks with standards.
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Buck Brochamp
PCW Talent
The tannest, most jacked arms in PCW!!!!
Posts: 87
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Post by Buck Brochamp on May 25, 2015 15:57:59 GMT -5
How hard is to get published? What do you have to do???
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Post by Eira on May 25, 2015 16:28:41 GMT -5
How hard is to get published? What do you have to do??? If E.L. James did it, you can do it.
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