Post by Tha UnHoly Alliance on Aug 2, 2015 7:33:49 GMT -5
Well here it is. We have finally made it to New York City, New York and we have arrived at one of my establishments, Da Loczterz Place. For once we were on time, as the women folk were ACTUALLY dressed and ready for the night. The only real thing that took a long time, was trying to explain how to tie a necktie for The Boy. Monica and Autumn were back at the hotel, in charge of watching their younger brothers and sisters for the night. I was wearing my black three-piece suit, complete with red pinstripes and black dress shoes, a black fedora with a red band and a white feather sticking out the side. LeeAnn was wearing a long red dress with a slit up the right side, showing off her black silk stockings and red heels, she always knows what I like. The Boy opted for a black dress shirt, white tie, black slacks and black dress shoes. The Willard’s three, were dressed to the nine. Once the limo stopped, we exited one by one and made our way into the restaurant. We were greeted by a young lad at the door, whom seemed to think he didn’t know who I was. He stopped us as we were going to walk in and sit at my personal booth.
”Umm, excuse me ladies and gentlemen, but do you have a reservation?”
Me and Jase looked at each other, as I motioned towards the young man.
”You are not doing yourself any favors by calling him a gentleman.” I said pointing to Jase.
WILLARD: Lady? I’d use that term loosely when talking about my wife…I mean my friend here…
Jase knew he needed to control himself in front of Destiny on this night, so I didn’t mind taking his rebound jab, even though he caught a short elbow to the rib from her. So I asked the young man what his name was and he said that it was Robert. I tried to tell Robert that we were important people, and needed no such thing as a reservation. But he went on and threatened us with calling in house security. I told him to go ahead. I saw that LeeAnn was getting impatient with the lad.
”So are you telling me that you’re going to call in house security on us? Do you know who is in charge of it here?”
I know where she was going, but told him to do what he had to do. We walked pasted Robert as he picked up the phone and began to speak with the house security. Me and LeeAnn led the way to the booth and noticed that I would be taking up the one end, with LeeAnn to my left. To her left was Kristen, followed by The Boy, The Anarchist and Destiny. Robert came up with the man in charge of my restaurant security. The man looked at us and then looked at Robert and asked him if “these were the people”, in which Robert responded with a “yes”. What the Man said next, shocked Robert, while the six of us laughed.
The Man- What’s up Locz, Jase, my sisters, lil man and baby girl?
The Man I had in charge here was an old friend and stablemate, LeRoy “Tupacalypze” Jackson. Since being retired, he wanted to travel to New York, so I gave him a job here. We all said our hellos and the man I called Two Packz, turned to Robert and said
“You see those two people right there?”
*Points to Johnny and LeeAnn*
Two Packz- I would think twice about throwing out the owners of this place and your employers.
I started to laugh, as Robert started to stumble on his words. It seemed like he couldn’t get “I’m so sorry” out of his mouth as fast as he was thinking it.
”Listen to me young man, in a different time, I would have called for you to be removed from my establishment and find a new replacement. But you are very very lucky that the times and my attitude have changed. I can appreciate that you are only doing what you are getting paid to do. So with that, continue up the good work, but always remember to know for whom you speak to, before you run into some one that will not be as nice as I am. So please get the waiter, because I was dragged here to enjoy a date night.”
I looked at LeeAnn with my tongue out, with a smile. She leaned over to me to let me know not to stick my tongue out at her, unless I was prepared to use it on her. Damn woman, took my saying. But as Robert left to fetch the waiter. I couldn’t help to banter to Jase.
”So, I noticed that you and my boy are sitting next to each other, why Mr. Willard what big eyes you have tonight.”
WILLARD: The better to watch your son with, so that he doesn’t try to put any moves on my daughter…or me for that matter!
Willard was looking at Jimmy with a wide-eyed look that would give Charles Manson nightmares. Jimmy tried his best not to look at him, choosing instead to nervously take a sip of water. Willard wasn’t budging, and didn’t care who was watching him.
DESTINY: Darling, why don’t you look at me instead, and leave Jimmy alone. We talked about this back home, and on the flight over.
Willard kept his crazed look square on Jimmy, even as he slowly turned his head away to face his wife. She mouthed the word “stop” to him, gently kissing his cheek to snap him out of his state.
WILLARD: Destiny…I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum. So…
She wasn’t having any of it.
DESTINY: So you’ll chew food instead and leave any fighting for your match. I want this to be fun and for us to have a good time.
We all shared a laugh, expect for Jimmy, who was still afraid of the father of his date. Jimmy complemented Kristen on what she was wearing, which drew a blush from her. The wives were eating it up, as I seen steam coming out of the ears of my friend. The waiter came to take the order of us all. The women ordered some wine, with Kristen getting ice tea, along with The Boy and myself. Jase ordered what he wanted. All of us ordered a salad for an appetizer. The women wanted pasta for dinner, me, The Boy and Jase opted for the steak. Jimmy was still sucking down the water that was brought to the table. I noticed that he was very nervous. LeeAnn opened the conversation.
LeeAnn- So since I missed it, you two have made it to the final match that will determine the new tag team champions. Babe, I heard you had to face a woman in that match, and now you have to face another one in this one. That must be weird for you.
”It is hard for me to wrestle a woman, after all, I am trying to be a positive influence for our children and having to square up against women, is not something that I want to do. But if that is what I have to do to get back to the top of the ladder, then I have no problem sending them back to the sixties and show them that their fellow sisters shouldn’t have burnt their bras.”
LeeAnn- Need I remind you what happened back at that one hotel?
I hanged my head down, as I knew when to shut my mouth. I told Jase to “shut up”, cause he knew as what happened on that unspeakable night that changed my life. I still haven’t decided if it was for the better or worse. The salad had come, along with our drinks. Kristen asked for the pepper and Jimmy was more than willing to get it for her. The only problem with that, is while reaching for it, he accidentally I’ll say, spilt Jase’s glass of water on his lap.
WILLARD (sighs): Are you sure about this guy, Kristen? Now I feel like your mom after I put my hands on her; Wet.
Willard jerked up from his seated position, holding back a laugh as Destiny kicked him underneath the table. Loco had his head down, laughing at his friend’s remark while the ladies smiled at one another. Kristen looked embarrassed to have heard the lewd remark, but luckily for her, that meant her dad had to excuse himself to go clean up.
WILLARD: Unless you would like to come assist me, Destiny, I will be right back. Come on Jimmy, I think you need to clean yourself as well.
Jimmy looked confused by the comment.
JIMMY: But Uncle Jase, I’m…
Willard “accidentally” smacks Jimmy’s glass of water onto his lap. Jimmy yelps from the ice cubes and water dripping down his leg.
WILLARD (smiling): Going to go dry off. Let’s go!
I began to laugh at the fact that Jase grabbed The Boy by the back of his neck and “assisted” him to a standing position to join him in the restroom.
Kristen- Daddy!
WILLARD: Don’t worry, Sweetheart, I’ll make sure he won’t fall in.
Jase turned to wink as his daughter, while putting an arm around my son’s shoulders to “escort” him.
Kristen- Mommy!
LeeAnn- I trust you will take care of my oldest child, Jason Lee!
”Don’t worry beautiful, your Daddy won’t hurt him...he’s too scared of your Mommy to do so. Plus your Auntie LeeAnn will have something to say about it as well.”’
There they went. I was hoping that Jase would slap him around a little, but then the women stepped in and put a stop to it. I watched as the two left my vision, and now my boy is alone…with my best friend…who is the father of the girl my boy is dating…
JIMMY: I’m REALLY sorry about spilling water on you. It was an accident, I swear!
Jimmy was rightfully scared. If the Anarchist really wanted to, he could snap him like a twig and think nothing of it afterwards. Willard wasn’t showing his hand as he listened to the youngster’s apology. He just stood there, emotionless, staring a hole through him. Unsure of himself, Jimmy grabbed some paper towels and begun to pat dry his pants. Willard smirked while looking into the mirror.
WILLARD: Don’t worry about it. It gives me a great idea to get out of talking to Destiny on the nights I would rather not. Now. About you and my daughter…
JIMMY: I love her! Oh shit…
It was too late to catch his words. If Jimmy thought he was scared before, he was even more so now. He cupped his mouth, looked surprised that he had enough guts to say those three words to Kristen’s father. Willard looked at Jimmy through the mirror, again showing no reaction. A sigh broke the tension as he turned around to face him.
WILLARD: I know, I have always known, I’ve just never been ready for this moment. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate the idea of you guys actually dating. I hate the idea that my little girl is growing up, and there‘s nothing I can do to slow it down. I think often of when she was born and the circumstance that took her from my life after she was two. I was a different person then, Jimmy. It took Destiny walking away for a temporary period to give me the wakeup call I needed.
Jimmy listened intently, as now he was able to breathe a sigh of relief. His worst fear was all in his head.
WILLARD: But that is in the past where it belongs. I love my wife. I love my daughters. I’m going to love becoming a THREE-TIME Tag Team Champion with your father. Destiny is my voice of reason, and I know that me accepting you with Kristen would make both of them happy.
Jimmy smiled with excitement.
JIMMY: So, can I date Kristen?
Willard sighed and nodded yes to him.
WILLARD: But! Let me make one thing crystal clear to you. If you break her heart in any way, I will hunt you down faster than the FBI looking for their Top Ten most wanted, and will break your face like it’s FINE CHINA!
I walked in to the restroom, hopeful I would get to take apart in the swirly of my son. But instead, I walked in to see a happy son and a defeated father.
”Looks like I owe LeeAnn five bucks.”
WILLARD: Why are you here?
”The girls all thought I had to come check up on you two, since you were gone for a while. And at Kristen’s request, I am here to find out. I really can’t say no to my oldest niece, or any of my niece’s for that matter. Besides, the grub is getting ready to served, so we need to get back while the food is hot.”
We all left the restroom and made it back to the table, before the food arrived. LeeAnn looked over both Jase and The Boy, while Kristen was just concerned for Jimmy. She shot a quick glance at her father, as we sat down and started to dine. In-between mouthfuls, we chatted away.
LeeAnn- So tell me more about this Kelli Starr character. She seems to be a tasty looking morsel. I wouldn’t mind tasting her rainbow.
Jimmy- Eww, mom!
LeeAnn blushed, as she just let out a side of her that The Boy never knew about.
”She’s currently the Pure Class Wrestling International Champion. She’s also The Black Hand’s current puppet and she is using her tag team partner as a fall boy, so that she doesn’t have to fail by herself. I don’t understand why Nathan can’t see this. I mean it is not like he is married to her. It is not too late for him to leave her behind. What is even funnier to me, is that he calls himself a tricks master, but yet, he is just the trick and getting what he thinks is something from Kelli, but all he is proving is that he’ll melt in her and not in the mouth. But Kelli also has a title defense against Non Compos Mentis, whom himself is a Hall Of Famer as well. So it doesn’t look like it will be too good of a night for little miss candy coated goodness.”
WILLARD: With the way Sadistic calls her “Candy Girl”, you would think he joined New Edition or something…
WILLARD (singing high pitched): Candy Girl, you are my world, you look so sweet. You’re a special treat. Candy Girl, all I want to say, when you’re with me, you brighten up my day.
Willard laughs at the absurdity of not only the song, but the idea of the World Champion finding the pipes to sing it to Kelli Starr. Everyone looked at The Anarchist with a “wtf did you just do? Look” as he sat down and resumed cutting into the steak.
WILLARD: Seriously though. She’s just the puppet of the month, on an extended lease and like Baskin Robbins, comes in multiple flavors. Kelli will not only go down in defeat to us while taking Nathan Saniti-Wonka down with her, but will also lose her precious International title later that night. After that, she’ll be a discarded skittles wrapper in the trash. Will Nathan come to her rescue the same way he did when she beat him for that title? I honestly could care less. What I do care about is winning the Tag Team Titles!
”That poor man’s Willy Wonka, is just a piece of candy to her. We might as well as call him Cameo, because that is all he’s going to be making in this match, since she really is the dominant one of the team. Nathan needs to get his head straight, before she leads him to get it detached from his body by us. I have seen Nathan’s Pure Class Wrestling career progress, but right now, he is not in the best of any situation. Playing around with the puppet of The Black Hand, will not only be his downfall, but also the downfall of his career. And the fact that she defeated him for the title that she has, I know that leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. So for them to be working together, is a joke to me. But I will not underestimate them. I have seen strange and weird partnerships work out in the long run. Or is he just her candy man. *sings* WOOHOOO I’M THE CANDYMAN, WOOHOO COMING FROM WONKALAND!”
Jase wasn’t the only one getting a look for singing, as I busted out a sample parody of Aqua’s song “Candyman.”
Willard turned to Kristen and Jimmy, explaining who Aqua was. He also had to explain the whole “Barbie Girl” controversy to really drive the point home. They just nodded as Willard got a sudden idea.
WILLARD: Hey Loc?
LOCO: Sup?
WILLARD: Have you told LeeAnn how much you love her and how much she completes you, the same way that I tell Destiny?
Willard takes hold of his wife’s hand, looking deeply into her brown eyes. She smiles as he mouths the words “I love you” to her, following it with a soft kiss on her lips. The two hold hands as Willard looks at his partner with a wink.
WILLARD: Your turn.
I didn’t know what game Jase was playing, other than he really fucked up and is now asking for Destiny’s forgiveness. So I turned to LeeAnn and looked into those beautiful black colored eyes, leaning into her and feeling her hand move up my long hair, which was slicked back. She slowly moved her fingers through it, before grabbing a handful of Locz locks while pulling back a bit, giving me such a passionate kiss, that I couldn’t stand up at the table for obvious reasons. She then let go and I had to collect myself before saying:
”I...I...I think we’re good here.”
WILLARD: Do you guys need a cigarette after that sickening display? There are children here for Pete’s sake! Would somebody PLEASE think of the children??
”You started it, and as usual, I have to finish it”
WILLARD: Classy. You’re quoting LeeAnn. Look sweetheart, (looks at Destiny) he’s domesticated. Of course, I do recall signing him up for a neutering on his gift registry.
Willard smiles while taking a sip of water.
”Ohh I’m sorry, you’re going to have to speak a little louder next time. We couldn’t hear what you said, due to the noise of your balls rattling around in Destiny’s purse *picks up his glass of tea* but that’s none of my business. *takes a drink*”
Willard upon hearing that joke, ends up spraying water all over Jimmy’s face, while Kristen catches some collateral damage. He begins pounding on the table from laughing. Destiny meanwhile has pulled her purse up and begun looking through it.
DESTINY: He may need them tonight. I plan on having my way with his body, the second we are alone.
Seeing and hearing what Destiny said, I damn near choked on my final piece of steak, while LeeAnn was choking on the drink of wine that she just swallowed, so she didn’t pull off a red mist.
WILLARD: WOW LeeAnn, you didn’t spit out the wine.
Leeann- Spitters are quitters my dear.
Destiny and LeeAnn, one. Tha UnHoly Alliance, zero. The kids asked to leave the table as they are getting “too much info” on a “need to know basis”
WILLARD: Oh no. No no no. Now that Joanie officially loves Chachi, we have to have you in our club.
”YEAH, you wanted to date each other and now you’re going to have to deal with the shit that comes with it, so sit down.”
I told the two children, who then hung their heads in shame, as their parents are bantering each other. But you would think that they would be used to it by now. Then I noticed that both of them were blushing and I looked over and saw something that I couldn’t believe. I gave LeeAnn a little bump and showed her. She got Destiny’s attention, as I did Jase and pointed to the kids, who have moved slightly and now were holding hands once they both sat back down. The girls were planning out the seating arrangements, while I laughed and Jase just sat there, looking like he was contemplating something.
Willard takes hold of a fork and gently taps the side of his water glass. Clearing his throat, he stands up and raises said glass high in the air.
WILLARD: I guess if someone has to say it, it might as well be me. Kristen Leigh. You are growing up so fast. It felt like yesterday, that your mom and I were…having passionate sex, dealing with her cravings, morning sickness and doctor’s visits. Then came her labor and my hand getting crushed. But in the end, it was worth it, because you were born. And now we sit here, fourteen years later and you have your first boyfriend. Let us all hope that you don’t have your first “wardrobe malfunction” tonight. Or your period! Even though mommy can help you there.
Kristen looked mortified at her father’s speech. Willard had an expression of glee. He was intentionally doing this to her, as a way to welcome her into the world of being in love. Destiny had an ear-to-ear grin on her face. Normally she would have stopped Jason well before he got to matters of human development, but tonight she let him talk.
WILLARD: What I’m trying to say sweetie, is that your mom and I love you very very much, and wish you the best with Jimbo. Thank you.
He takes a sip of water and sits back down. Almost as quickly as he does that, Willard stands up a second time.
WILLARD: Hail baby.
Back down he sits.
”Well, I guess I have to say something now.”
I began to stand up, when I felt the tugging of my arm and at the end of it was LeeAnn, who was shaking her head no. I bent down to her and kissed her on the lips and then began my speech.
”Jimmy, you are the oldest of all my children. The carrier of the family name. I was wondering about you, because it took you fourteen years to get a woman. Don’t look at me like that LeeAnn, you were the one washing out the snail trails out of his sheets, thinking that he had been wiping his snot on them, until I told you what it was. I had my first girlfriend in kindergarten, so I was worrying about the boy damnit. So any whoodles, I have to say that us Marquez men, know about beautiful things. We date them, we marry them and then we make them. So in closing, when your mother and me made you...I...I don’t’ remember much. It was a dark cold night, in a hotel in Colorado *Loco stares out into nothingness*, the first and last time that I was ever in that horrible state. We just finished a wrestling show and I called a dominatrix number and they sent your mother. Stop kicking me woman. I remember getting totally wasted and then black hair flying in the air and my groin hurting. Then I woke up and six weeks later, I received a call that I was going to be a father. The bite marks, the scratches. Ohh God”
I quickly sat back down and put my head down on the table. Then looked back up at The Boy and then his mother, as I yelled out “WHY GOD WHY” and put my head back down to sob some more. Then I started to nod and stood back up and after a sniffle I said “set sail baby” and then sat back down.
WILLARD: Destiny thought that she was as wrestler and saw fit to debut her finisher. I called it, “The Tenderizer” because it was a leg drop onto my baby maker, FROM A DRESSER!
Willard looks over with a pained expression, while Destiny conceals her devious laughter.
”At least your legs weren’t tied up when you woke up.”
LeeAnn was biting her lower lip from remembering just how she took advantage of Da Loczter, the only one that has been able to do so I might add. I see that the dessert cart was coming out, so it was time to hit it.
”All joking aside my friend, it is time that we must get ready for our match and start to strategize our game plan and a backup plan. I just have a feeling that we need to have one and then a chaos plan. The acid tree hugging freaks that want to relive the sixties, need to be put in their place once and for all. I dare them to try and come in there, thinking that they are just going to waltz out with the Pure Class Wrestling Tag Team Championship. WE are the rightful owners of them and never lost them to begin with. I am ready and willing to put them on notice. Tha UnHoly Alliance are not only Returning To Glory, but we are going to do it the only way we know how to and that’s winning another championship. I actually feel sorry for the two for their situation, but they put themselves in it and they will have to suffer the consequences of it as well.”
WILLARD: I don’t give a damn about the warring factions. And I’m not underestimating Dollface and Saniti. But those are titles we NEVER were defeated for. That fact won’t change at Return to Glory. I refuse to let them defeat us. We aren’t some cobbled together team. We are the foundation on which the division exists. They can fight whatever fight they want to. But once that bell sounds, they become casualties of tag team war. And when it’s all over, it WILL be us that stand in victory, like it was at Trauma.
”I agree with you my friend, I look for nothing less than us raising those tag team championships into the air and enjoying our third reign as said champions. You and I have waited long enough to get them back and get them back we shall. And once it’s all said and done, we will have a celebration Alliance style BABY!”
Me and Jase continued the discussion, as the girls started talking to each other, while the children, wondered when they could get away from the embarrassment that their fathers have given them on this night.
”Umm, excuse me ladies and gentlemen, but do you have a reservation?”
Me and Jase looked at each other, as I motioned towards the young man.
”You are not doing yourself any favors by calling him a gentleman.” I said pointing to Jase.
WILLARD: Lady? I’d use that term loosely when talking about my wife…I mean my friend here…
Jase knew he needed to control himself in front of Destiny on this night, so I didn’t mind taking his rebound jab, even though he caught a short elbow to the rib from her. So I asked the young man what his name was and he said that it was Robert. I tried to tell Robert that we were important people, and needed no such thing as a reservation. But he went on and threatened us with calling in house security. I told him to go ahead. I saw that LeeAnn was getting impatient with the lad.
”So are you telling me that you’re going to call in house security on us? Do you know who is in charge of it here?”
I know where she was going, but told him to do what he had to do. We walked pasted Robert as he picked up the phone and began to speak with the house security. Me and LeeAnn led the way to the booth and noticed that I would be taking up the one end, with LeeAnn to my left. To her left was Kristen, followed by The Boy, The Anarchist and Destiny. Robert came up with the man in charge of my restaurant security. The man looked at us and then looked at Robert and asked him if “these were the people”, in which Robert responded with a “yes”. What the Man said next, shocked Robert, while the six of us laughed.
The Man- What’s up Locz, Jase, my sisters, lil man and baby girl?
The Man I had in charge here was an old friend and stablemate, LeRoy “Tupacalypze” Jackson. Since being retired, he wanted to travel to New York, so I gave him a job here. We all said our hellos and the man I called Two Packz, turned to Robert and said
“You see those two people right there?”
*Points to Johnny and LeeAnn*
Two Packz- I would think twice about throwing out the owners of this place and your employers.
I started to laugh, as Robert started to stumble on his words. It seemed like he couldn’t get “I’m so sorry” out of his mouth as fast as he was thinking it.
”Listen to me young man, in a different time, I would have called for you to be removed from my establishment and find a new replacement. But you are very very lucky that the times and my attitude have changed. I can appreciate that you are only doing what you are getting paid to do. So with that, continue up the good work, but always remember to know for whom you speak to, before you run into some one that will not be as nice as I am. So please get the waiter, because I was dragged here to enjoy a date night.”
I looked at LeeAnn with my tongue out, with a smile. She leaned over to me to let me know not to stick my tongue out at her, unless I was prepared to use it on her. Damn woman, took my saying. But as Robert left to fetch the waiter. I couldn’t help to banter to Jase.
”So, I noticed that you and my boy are sitting next to each other, why Mr. Willard what big eyes you have tonight.”
WILLARD: The better to watch your son with, so that he doesn’t try to put any moves on my daughter…or me for that matter!
Willard was looking at Jimmy with a wide-eyed look that would give Charles Manson nightmares. Jimmy tried his best not to look at him, choosing instead to nervously take a sip of water. Willard wasn’t budging, and didn’t care who was watching him.
DESTINY: Darling, why don’t you look at me instead, and leave Jimmy alone. We talked about this back home, and on the flight over.
Willard kept his crazed look square on Jimmy, even as he slowly turned his head away to face his wife. She mouthed the word “stop” to him, gently kissing his cheek to snap him out of his state.
WILLARD: Destiny…I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum. So…
She wasn’t having any of it.
DESTINY: So you’ll chew food instead and leave any fighting for your match. I want this to be fun and for us to have a good time.
We all shared a laugh, expect for Jimmy, who was still afraid of the father of his date. Jimmy complemented Kristen on what she was wearing, which drew a blush from her. The wives were eating it up, as I seen steam coming out of the ears of my friend. The waiter came to take the order of us all. The women ordered some wine, with Kristen getting ice tea, along with The Boy and myself. Jase ordered what he wanted. All of us ordered a salad for an appetizer. The women wanted pasta for dinner, me, The Boy and Jase opted for the steak. Jimmy was still sucking down the water that was brought to the table. I noticed that he was very nervous. LeeAnn opened the conversation.
LeeAnn- So since I missed it, you two have made it to the final match that will determine the new tag team champions. Babe, I heard you had to face a woman in that match, and now you have to face another one in this one. That must be weird for you.
”It is hard for me to wrestle a woman, after all, I am trying to be a positive influence for our children and having to square up against women, is not something that I want to do. But if that is what I have to do to get back to the top of the ladder, then I have no problem sending them back to the sixties and show them that their fellow sisters shouldn’t have burnt their bras.”
LeeAnn- Need I remind you what happened back at that one hotel?
I hanged my head down, as I knew when to shut my mouth. I told Jase to “shut up”, cause he knew as what happened on that unspeakable night that changed my life. I still haven’t decided if it was for the better or worse. The salad had come, along with our drinks. Kristen asked for the pepper and Jimmy was more than willing to get it for her. The only problem with that, is while reaching for it, he accidentally I’ll say, spilt Jase’s glass of water on his lap.
WILLARD (sighs): Are you sure about this guy, Kristen? Now I feel like your mom after I put my hands on her; Wet.
Willard jerked up from his seated position, holding back a laugh as Destiny kicked him underneath the table. Loco had his head down, laughing at his friend’s remark while the ladies smiled at one another. Kristen looked embarrassed to have heard the lewd remark, but luckily for her, that meant her dad had to excuse himself to go clean up.
WILLARD: Unless you would like to come assist me, Destiny, I will be right back. Come on Jimmy, I think you need to clean yourself as well.
Jimmy looked confused by the comment.
JIMMY: But Uncle Jase, I’m…
Willard “accidentally” smacks Jimmy’s glass of water onto his lap. Jimmy yelps from the ice cubes and water dripping down his leg.
WILLARD (smiling): Going to go dry off. Let’s go!
I began to laugh at the fact that Jase grabbed The Boy by the back of his neck and “assisted” him to a standing position to join him in the restroom.
Kristen- Daddy!
WILLARD: Don’t worry, Sweetheart, I’ll make sure he won’t fall in.
Jase turned to wink as his daughter, while putting an arm around my son’s shoulders to “escort” him.
Kristen- Mommy!
LeeAnn- I trust you will take care of my oldest child, Jason Lee!
”Don’t worry beautiful, your Daddy won’t hurt him...he’s too scared of your Mommy to do so. Plus your Auntie LeeAnn will have something to say about it as well.”’
There they went. I was hoping that Jase would slap him around a little, but then the women stepped in and put a stop to it. I watched as the two left my vision, and now my boy is alone…with my best friend…who is the father of the girl my boy is dating…
JIMMY: I’m REALLY sorry about spilling water on you. It was an accident, I swear!
Jimmy was rightfully scared. If the Anarchist really wanted to, he could snap him like a twig and think nothing of it afterwards. Willard wasn’t showing his hand as he listened to the youngster’s apology. He just stood there, emotionless, staring a hole through him. Unsure of himself, Jimmy grabbed some paper towels and begun to pat dry his pants. Willard smirked while looking into the mirror.
WILLARD: Don’t worry about it. It gives me a great idea to get out of talking to Destiny on the nights I would rather not. Now. About you and my daughter…
JIMMY: I love her! Oh shit…
It was too late to catch his words. If Jimmy thought he was scared before, he was even more so now. He cupped his mouth, looked surprised that he had enough guts to say those three words to Kristen’s father. Willard looked at Jimmy through the mirror, again showing no reaction. A sigh broke the tension as he turned around to face him.
WILLARD: I know, I have always known, I’ve just never been ready for this moment. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate the idea of you guys actually dating. I hate the idea that my little girl is growing up, and there‘s nothing I can do to slow it down. I think often of when she was born and the circumstance that took her from my life after she was two. I was a different person then, Jimmy. It took Destiny walking away for a temporary period to give me the wakeup call I needed.
Jimmy listened intently, as now he was able to breathe a sigh of relief. His worst fear was all in his head.
WILLARD: But that is in the past where it belongs. I love my wife. I love my daughters. I’m going to love becoming a THREE-TIME Tag Team Champion with your father. Destiny is my voice of reason, and I know that me accepting you with Kristen would make both of them happy.
Jimmy smiled with excitement.
JIMMY: So, can I date Kristen?
Willard sighed and nodded yes to him.
WILLARD: But! Let me make one thing crystal clear to you. If you break her heart in any way, I will hunt you down faster than the FBI looking for their Top Ten most wanted, and will break your face like it’s FINE CHINA!
I walked in to the restroom, hopeful I would get to take apart in the swirly of my son. But instead, I walked in to see a happy son and a defeated father.
”Looks like I owe LeeAnn five bucks.”
WILLARD: Why are you here?
”The girls all thought I had to come check up on you two, since you were gone for a while. And at Kristen’s request, I am here to find out. I really can’t say no to my oldest niece, or any of my niece’s for that matter. Besides, the grub is getting ready to served, so we need to get back while the food is hot.”
We all left the restroom and made it back to the table, before the food arrived. LeeAnn looked over both Jase and The Boy, while Kristen was just concerned for Jimmy. She shot a quick glance at her father, as we sat down and started to dine. In-between mouthfuls, we chatted away.
LeeAnn- So tell me more about this Kelli Starr character. She seems to be a tasty looking morsel. I wouldn’t mind tasting her rainbow.
Jimmy- Eww, mom!
LeeAnn blushed, as she just let out a side of her that The Boy never knew about.
”She’s currently the Pure Class Wrestling International Champion. She’s also The Black Hand’s current puppet and she is using her tag team partner as a fall boy, so that she doesn’t have to fail by herself. I don’t understand why Nathan can’t see this. I mean it is not like he is married to her. It is not too late for him to leave her behind. What is even funnier to me, is that he calls himself a tricks master, but yet, he is just the trick and getting what he thinks is something from Kelli, but all he is proving is that he’ll melt in her and not in the mouth. But Kelli also has a title defense against Non Compos Mentis, whom himself is a Hall Of Famer as well. So it doesn’t look like it will be too good of a night for little miss candy coated goodness.”
WILLARD: With the way Sadistic calls her “Candy Girl”, you would think he joined New Edition or something…
WILLARD (singing high pitched): Candy Girl, you are my world, you look so sweet. You’re a special treat. Candy Girl, all I want to say, when you’re with me, you brighten up my day.
Willard laughs at the absurdity of not only the song, but the idea of the World Champion finding the pipes to sing it to Kelli Starr. Everyone looked at The Anarchist with a “wtf did you just do? Look” as he sat down and resumed cutting into the steak.
WILLARD: Seriously though. She’s just the puppet of the month, on an extended lease and like Baskin Robbins, comes in multiple flavors. Kelli will not only go down in defeat to us while taking Nathan Saniti-Wonka down with her, but will also lose her precious International title later that night. After that, she’ll be a discarded skittles wrapper in the trash. Will Nathan come to her rescue the same way he did when she beat him for that title? I honestly could care less. What I do care about is winning the Tag Team Titles!
”That poor man’s Willy Wonka, is just a piece of candy to her. We might as well as call him Cameo, because that is all he’s going to be making in this match, since she really is the dominant one of the team. Nathan needs to get his head straight, before she leads him to get it detached from his body by us. I have seen Nathan’s Pure Class Wrestling career progress, but right now, he is not in the best of any situation. Playing around with the puppet of The Black Hand, will not only be his downfall, but also the downfall of his career. And the fact that she defeated him for the title that she has, I know that leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. So for them to be working together, is a joke to me. But I will not underestimate them. I have seen strange and weird partnerships work out in the long run. Or is he just her candy man. *sings* WOOHOOO I’M THE CANDYMAN, WOOHOO COMING FROM WONKALAND!”
Jase wasn’t the only one getting a look for singing, as I busted out a sample parody of Aqua’s song “Candyman.”
Willard turned to Kristen and Jimmy, explaining who Aqua was. He also had to explain the whole “Barbie Girl” controversy to really drive the point home. They just nodded as Willard got a sudden idea.
WILLARD: Hey Loc?
LOCO: Sup?
WILLARD: Have you told LeeAnn how much you love her and how much she completes you, the same way that I tell Destiny?
Willard takes hold of his wife’s hand, looking deeply into her brown eyes. She smiles as he mouths the words “I love you” to her, following it with a soft kiss on her lips. The two hold hands as Willard looks at his partner with a wink.
WILLARD: Your turn.
I didn’t know what game Jase was playing, other than he really fucked up and is now asking for Destiny’s forgiveness. So I turned to LeeAnn and looked into those beautiful black colored eyes, leaning into her and feeling her hand move up my long hair, which was slicked back. She slowly moved her fingers through it, before grabbing a handful of Locz locks while pulling back a bit, giving me such a passionate kiss, that I couldn’t stand up at the table for obvious reasons. She then let go and I had to collect myself before saying:
”I...I...I think we’re good here.”
WILLARD: Do you guys need a cigarette after that sickening display? There are children here for Pete’s sake! Would somebody PLEASE think of the children??
”You started it, and as usual, I have to finish it”
WILLARD: Classy. You’re quoting LeeAnn. Look sweetheart, (looks at Destiny) he’s domesticated. Of course, I do recall signing him up for a neutering on his gift registry.
Willard smiles while taking a sip of water.
”Ohh I’m sorry, you’re going to have to speak a little louder next time. We couldn’t hear what you said, due to the noise of your balls rattling around in Destiny’s purse *picks up his glass of tea* but that’s none of my business. *takes a drink*”
Willard upon hearing that joke, ends up spraying water all over Jimmy’s face, while Kristen catches some collateral damage. He begins pounding on the table from laughing. Destiny meanwhile has pulled her purse up and begun looking through it.
DESTINY: He may need them tonight. I plan on having my way with his body, the second we are alone.
Seeing and hearing what Destiny said, I damn near choked on my final piece of steak, while LeeAnn was choking on the drink of wine that she just swallowed, so she didn’t pull off a red mist.
WILLARD: WOW LeeAnn, you didn’t spit out the wine.
Leeann- Spitters are quitters my dear.
Destiny and LeeAnn, one. Tha UnHoly Alliance, zero. The kids asked to leave the table as they are getting “too much info” on a “need to know basis”
WILLARD: Oh no. No no no. Now that Joanie officially loves Chachi, we have to have you in our club.
”YEAH, you wanted to date each other and now you’re going to have to deal with the shit that comes with it, so sit down.”
I told the two children, who then hung their heads in shame, as their parents are bantering each other. But you would think that they would be used to it by now. Then I noticed that both of them were blushing and I looked over and saw something that I couldn’t believe. I gave LeeAnn a little bump and showed her. She got Destiny’s attention, as I did Jase and pointed to the kids, who have moved slightly and now were holding hands once they both sat back down. The girls were planning out the seating arrangements, while I laughed and Jase just sat there, looking like he was contemplating something.
Willard takes hold of a fork and gently taps the side of his water glass. Clearing his throat, he stands up and raises said glass high in the air.
WILLARD: I guess if someone has to say it, it might as well be me. Kristen Leigh. You are growing up so fast. It felt like yesterday, that your mom and I were…having passionate sex, dealing with her cravings, morning sickness and doctor’s visits. Then came her labor and my hand getting crushed. But in the end, it was worth it, because you were born. And now we sit here, fourteen years later and you have your first boyfriend. Let us all hope that you don’t have your first “wardrobe malfunction” tonight. Or your period! Even though mommy can help you there.
Kristen looked mortified at her father’s speech. Willard had an expression of glee. He was intentionally doing this to her, as a way to welcome her into the world of being in love. Destiny had an ear-to-ear grin on her face. Normally she would have stopped Jason well before he got to matters of human development, but tonight she let him talk.
WILLARD: What I’m trying to say sweetie, is that your mom and I love you very very much, and wish you the best with Jimbo. Thank you.
He takes a sip of water and sits back down. Almost as quickly as he does that, Willard stands up a second time.
WILLARD: Hail baby.
Back down he sits.
”Well, I guess I have to say something now.”
I began to stand up, when I felt the tugging of my arm and at the end of it was LeeAnn, who was shaking her head no. I bent down to her and kissed her on the lips and then began my speech.
”Jimmy, you are the oldest of all my children. The carrier of the family name. I was wondering about you, because it took you fourteen years to get a woman. Don’t look at me like that LeeAnn, you were the one washing out the snail trails out of his sheets, thinking that he had been wiping his snot on them, until I told you what it was. I had my first girlfriend in kindergarten, so I was worrying about the boy damnit. So any whoodles, I have to say that us Marquez men, know about beautiful things. We date them, we marry them and then we make them. So in closing, when your mother and me made you...I...I don’t’ remember much. It was a dark cold night, in a hotel in Colorado *Loco stares out into nothingness*, the first and last time that I was ever in that horrible state. We just finished a wrestling show and I called a dominatrix number and they sent your mother. Stop kicking me woman. I remember getting totally wasted and then black hair flying in the air and my groin hurting. Then I woke up and six weeks later, I received a call that I was going to be a father. The bite marks, the scratches. Ohh God”
I quickly sat back down and put my head down on the table. Then looked back up at The Boy and then his mother, as I yelled out “WHY GOD WHY” and put my head back down to sob some more. Then I started to nod and stood back up and after a sniffle I said “set sail baby” and then sat back down.
WILLARD: Destiny thought that she was as wrestler and saw fit to debut her finisher. I called it, “The Tenderizer” because it was a leg drop onto my baby maker, FROM A DRESSER!
Willard looks over with a pained expression, while Destiny conceals her devious laughter.
”At least your legs weren’t tied up when you woke up.”
LeeAnn was biting her lower lip from remembering just how she took advantage of Da Loczter, the only one that has been able to do so I might add. I see that the dessert cart was coming out, so it was time to hit it.
”All joking aside my friend, it is time that we must get ready for our match and start to strategize our game plan and a backup plan. I just have a feeling that we need to have one and then a chaos plan. The acid tree hugging freaks that want to relive the sixties, need to be put in their place once and for all. I dare them to try and come in there, thinking that they are just going to waltz out with the Pure Class Wrestling Tag Team Championship. WE are the rightful owners of them and never lost them to begin with. I am ready and willing to put them on notice. Tha UnHoly Alliance are not only Returning To Glory, but we are going to do it the only way we know how to and that’s winning another championship. I actually feel sorry for the two for their situation, but they put themselves in it and they will have to suffer the consequences of it as well.”
WILLARD: I don’t give a damn about the warring factions. And I’m not underestimating Dollface and Saniti. But those are titles we NEVER were defeated for. That fact won’t change at Return to Glory. I refuse to let them defeat us. We aren’t some cobbled together team. We are the foundation on which the division exists. They can fight whatever fight they want to. But once that bell sounds, they become casualties of tag team war. And when it’s all over, it WILL be us that stand in victory, like it was at Trauma.
”I agree with you my friend, I look for nothing less than us raising those tag team championships into the air and enjoying our third reign as said champions. You and I have waited long enough to get them back and get them back we shall. And once it’s all said and done, we will have a celebration Alliance style BABY!”
Me and Jase continued the discussion, as the girls started talking to each other, while the children, wondered when they could get away from the embarrassment that their fathers have given them on this night.