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Post by Sadistic on Aug 15, 2015 13:43:39 GMT -5
Awesome RTG RP feedback by Dan last cycle AND he comes out of the gates with a badass RP to kick off the new cycle!
Nero Shall Fiddle Again - Chapter 6
by Nathan Saniti
Loved this RP from beginning to end. I'm still completely engaged with the Stranger and his masks. You've built up a wonderfully mysterious antagonist and are revealing him at such an appropriate pace that we're given just enough of a nibble to keep wanting more. This time we get to witness some of the power and nature of his masks. Wonderful stuff.
The second portion deals with Saniti's impaired ability to deal with Kelli Starr. The juxtaposition of the imagined letter and the actual one did an amazing job of showing how his mask has mutated him from gentleman to asshole. By the way, is that Raven's name Poe? The letters almost gave an idea of what you're supposed to or expected to say and what you ACTUALLY want to say. This is a very nasty side of Saniti that I've never seen before and we've now caught a glimpse of some chinks in his gentlemanly armor. Splendid work, Dan!
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Post by The Anarchist on Aug 15, 2015 17:29:08 GMT -5
^This.
And as a huge fan of Poe (I have his portrait tattooed on my outer left forearm), I loved the Raven's mention. Great stuff, Dan.
Same applies to you Kris. I laughed over the song, love the personality she's infused with and had a blast reading it (I'm not long winded this time lol).
And a big thumbs up to Simon. The improvements continue. Alexa knows who she is, and has applied it with being upset over a lack of success. Off goes the straitjacket! Crazy Power v Psychedelica could be an interesting one down the road...keep up the good work!
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Post by Sadistic on Aug 16, 2015 9:10:32 GMT -5
Change of Plans
by The Anarchist
Wow...so many awesome little trinkets stuffed into one RP, and a damn good RP at that. We get to see Willard's mindset prior to his RTG match and a bit of the Anarchist starting to surface. My favorite part of this RP was the middle segment of "What Could Have Been." The going full Alexa Black comment was sweet and a cool way to include another member of the roster.
Onto the tape recording: I wasn't sure what was going on when you proclaimed yourself a three-time champion, but it all made sense at the end. There were a couple chunks of text that were missing quotation marks which was slightly confusing. That's my only real critique of the piece. Willard always cowering or correcting himself when Destiny is around is a good, funny character trait.
Okay, as soon as I read "Cut the music," I almost got an e-fed boner. Could it be?! Yes!!! A BADASS Rick Rude reference! Ahhhh...loved that part! Rude was the man.
Willard, for being an anarchist, was refreshingly gracious in his loss. I liked that. I also like how you casually sprinkle tidbits of TUHA history throughout the RP so it reads naturally rather than cramming a history lesson down the readers throat. And Willard, while gracious in defeat, still seems very angry about it. Understandably so. Fuck the Black Hand? After also reading Kelli Starr's RP, I hope that doesn't become the theme of this cycle.
Awesome altered "pale moonlight" quote from Batman! +1 for the sweet Bobby Eaton tag team reference! Black and Bluegrass state was a good drop, as was referencing the Grimm and Stormm two M fetish. An all around entertaining read and I really liked all of the little references stashed throughout.
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Post by Sadistic on Aug 16, 2015 10:12:08 GMT -5
Rage and Rise
by Alexa Black
To echo the other feedbackers, both this cycle and last cycle, it's nice to see you expanding Alexa's character a bit more. Beyond the blood, violence, and destruction, it's revealed that Alexa wants more. She wants gold, in addition to some brutal fights. However, you conveyed this with the bloody, violent destruction of a Buick. You're right on the cusp of breaking into a new chapter of Alexa's character, but it always seems to revolve around her doing something ultra violent.
For starters, if Alexa is going to capture a championship, you'll need to tighten up your formatting and punctuation a bit. That, you already know. My other suggestion would be to continue expanding on Alexa's character. Right now, we know that she's violent because she's violent. Perhaps you could try an RP where she refrains from violence and instead you allow the reader to discover WHY she is the way she is. Did something traumatic happen to her? Everyone here knows that Alexa is the most violent wrestler on the roster. Now let us know her reasoning.
Regardless, this RP and your RP from last cycle have been much improved. Nicely done, Simon.
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Judge
PCW Talent
I am the hard lesson...
Posts: 144 
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Post by Judge on Aug 17, 2015 9:54:35 GMT -5
Kelli has some sexy undergarments. I loved the RP Kris!
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Post by Nathan Saniti on Aug 17, 2015 10:23:26 GMT -5
Kelli has some sexy undergarments. I loved the RP Kris! Eyes to the floor, good sir. Eyes to the floor. |
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Post by Eira on Aug 17, 2015 10:57:38 GMT -5
Kelli has some sexy undergarments. I loved the RP Kris! Thanks =) |
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Judge
PCW Talent
I am the hard lesson...
Posts: 144
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Post by Judge on Aug 19, 2015 12:05:48 GMT -5
Love The Stranger and the mask plot, great story Dan.
The Anarchist at it again with a very awesome RP. Slowly topping the charts as a new favorite bro. Loco too. I think i actually liked you guys when you posted yous guys tag team app and Metallica was your theme...i am a Metallica junkie!
Simon dude you've took some leaps amd bounds in character development and cleaning up your rps. I use to have a hard time telling what was dialogue and what was other, but you're getting there. Keep it up
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Post by Eira on Aug 20, 2015 17:02:34 GMT -5
JudgeJudge: Stuck in the MiddleYou continue to work on Judge's story, fleshing him out as a character, and it's been wonderful getting to see all that. Then you have the smacktalk and... holy shit, yo, Judge is fucking psychotic. ._. Also scary. The scene with Keller was well written and therefore disturbing - and then he lights the HOUSE on fire. Goddamn, son.
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Post by The Anarchist on Aug 20, 2015 17:44:40 GMT -5
First things first, I LOVE the song choice. Always been a fan of "Stuck In The Middle" and thought it was used creatively in your RP. I played the song while reading, picturing that time in the seventies, and then adding washed out colors and film blemishes to the action towards the end. Like a Grindhouse film  Solid work again. The inner workings of what's in Judge's head (yes, those dreams) are really contrasted by what his mission is (in this case, the smack talk for Bubba) in reality, as well as the partnership with Jury. I really dig the character aspects being fleshed out. Look out if Judge wins the Underground title, as I think blood will stain the gold plating before long. Could you imagine if Judge FACED Jury at some point over it? May want the EMT's for that one, lol. |
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