Trauma 178 RP Feedback

[Eira]

Sadistic

The Blood Stained the Sun Red Today

Leopard Appies are pretty. Ronnie Frown and Charlie Bowdre just made me think Charlie Brown. "Regulators", huh? xD AND RONALD DILLINGER OMG. Okay so. Might be the green I had to smoke to cut this @#$&ing day of pain, but finding out any backstory on the legendary Dillingers is just awesome. The match relevance was on point, it reminded the reader of all the history between Sadistic & Eira without seriously itemizing it, each thing with its own paragraph. Whips, chains, and a chainsaw? Now THERE'S an idea... A statue of Heavy Metal in Sadistic's wax museum? This is a thing? And MORE stories... all KINDS of stories, telling us more about Sadistic's lineage with artful detail while again refusing to get long winded. Your descriptions were perfect, I could really SEE everything going on. A great story, great relevance, and you tie it all together at the end. Material I would be happy to lose to - brilliant job, Josh. ^_^

[Sadistic]

Thank you kindly for the feedback. Much appreciated.

I wish I had more time, but Simon, your RP was fantastic. It started out so well. The punctuation was pretty damn good, but started to slip a bit in the second half. Regardless, it wasn't just a random act of violence. There was good character development, story progression, and match relevance. This very well might be the best Alexa RP to date, in my humble opinion. Well done, Simon.

[Sadistic]

That was then. This is now.
By the Anarchist

Dude, seriously. I've loved your stuff since your return. Stormm used to be my quintessential stud muffin for relationship tension, but you've fast replaced him. Partially because you do it so well, and partially because he's only RPed, like, once in the past two months.

Your intro was great and tied together all things PCW relevant. But the meat of this piece lies in the conflict between Jason and Destiny. The underlying sexual tension between the two is ever present. But Willard struggling with being the Anarchist in the ring and having trouble turning it off at home was handled masterfully. Your storytelling of the rugged veteran through the eyes of a family man is awesome. Reminds me a bit of some old school Crazy Boy. I loved this, and I'm glad TUHA has returned. Very well written. I can see why you've carried the tag team on your back for so long. (Ha ha ha ha ha! Take that, Johnny!)

PS: Love that Nature Boy reference. Wooo!

[Sadistic]

The Eye and The Spider
By Alexa Black

Alright, Simon. Here's some proper feedback. As I touched on earlier, the punctuation and whatnot was vastly improved, but it started to peter out towards the end. I wonder how higher your score may have been if you applied the same focus from the first half of your RP to the second half.

Regardless, this was a wonderful piece of storytelling. I can't stress enough how much I enjoyed this RP. I liked very much how it wasn't Alexa committing random acts of violence, but instead some good storytelling. Well done, and the brewing theme of Alexa being frustrated with her losses is something you can build upon. The possible conflict within Unstable was a nice addition and gives you great storyline fodder. Building upon Saniti's story and the losing of his powers was a nice touch. Great attention to detail and shows that you read the work of the other handlers. Love it, man. I can almost TASTE Alexa's hatred of Kelli Starr.

Simon, you did a fantastic job with this RP. It accomplished so many things. I don't know why, but I loved the quip about snapping Kelli's legs like a No. 2 pencil. And having Madame Le Strange nudge Alexa in the direction of Nathan was a nice bit that propels the story along while leaving the reader wanting more. Your best RP yet, my good sir.

[Judge]

For all the RPs posted so far, the story telling was phenomenal! I'm telling you if feds came here for a month they'd be in for a world of pain against all our characters. Our stories all seem to mesh I think.

Sadistic and Grimm, I envy yous two. I have to say Sadistics rp takes the cake this week man. Good job guys. The backstory was ground breaking makes me want more....now...do it!

DO IT!

[Grimm]

Judge: Revelations

I hate commenting on grammar and punctuation (Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and whatnot), but there were a smattering of little things like missing commas, a ‘tje’ for ‘the’, ‘their’ instead of ‘they’re’,and so on and so forth. There was nothing really glaring, though, so it didn’t detract from the reading. Now, as to the content, whatever is going on here with “the council” and chosen babies fits right in with the general atmosphere around PCW these days. We have the Black Hand, the Order, Saniti’s bizarre realm-hopping tomfoolery, etc., and as such there may be those among us saying, ‘enough already,’ but I say bring it on. And even though Judge is a baaaad dude, the interactions with Jury and the story surrounding his family grounds him in reality, somewhat (although, my goodness, those were some awfully mean-spirited Union soldiers). You’ve got a good story going here, and like I said in the results feedback, it’s going to take some strong work to take that Underground title away from Judge.