Post by Andy D on Jun 20, 2016 18:13:37 GMT -5
Two things are infinite. The universe and human stupidity… and I’m not sure about the universe – Albert Einstein
My girlfriend thinks I have very weird friends. To be fair to her, she’s not wrong. I mean, have you met the 2Guys? Ok, for those of you who answered no, let’s dial this back a bit and get you up to speed.
Jackle and Menace are two former PCW wrestlers who are know by the tag team handle 2Guys. Now you may be wondering why they have such a ridiculously generic name for their Tag Team name. Well it goes back many years, to a long time prior to them joining PCW. Back then they held a contest for the fans of the promotion they were in to pick a new tag team name. The 2Guys was chosen out of the thousands of entries as not only the best which accurately described them as a team, but was also the single entry that was allowed to be broadcast on any television network.
Even by their own admission, a very large percentage of the vile and offensive suggestions still accurately described them as a tag team.
Now the 2Guys entire career, not just within PCW, has been mostly a losing one. They have lost matches against some of the greats, some of the mediocre and some of the down right terrible. But what makes the 2Guys different from some of the jobbers that have tried their hand at wrestling (and failed), the 2Guys openly embrace their loser ability. And they don’t even try to change it in any way, preferring stupid stunts instead of studying their opponents, watching cartoons instead of their opponent’s promos and training Pokémon instead of themselves.
In fact thinking back on it, how the hell were they not super obese and physically unfit?
Well their wrestling days may be behind them for the most part, but their penchant for stupid stunts is still strong. If fact there was a prime example just recently. Over the last couple of weeks, Jackle and Menace have been focused on building a gigantic house of cards (which for those of you who may be unaware, is a free standing structure made entirely of playing cards balanced together). Why did they decide to build this house of cards? Just so they could knock it down when they were finished.
“It’s a blast watching them all collapse” They said.
“Wouldn’t Dominoes be more entertaining?” I asked
“Nah, Dominoes take ages to set up and you have to have so much concentration and precision placing them.” Jackle replied
“Plus one accidental slip and you have to start all over again” Menace added
Yes, that’s right, dominoes require concentration and precision to set up. Now I’ll admit I’m no expert in the art of building a house out of cards, but surely there’s just as much concentration and precision in building those. Not to mention one slip and you have to start over again. Of course the 2Guys are too stupid to see it.
But of course that’s not the end of the story. Oh no. see the 2Guys carried on making their house of cards. Bigger and wider it went as days went by. What started off with 1 deck of cards turned into 3 decks, which soon turned into 5 decks. It took about a week but they got into double figures with the number of packs they used, gleefully giggling in anticipation of pushing a slight blast of air its way and watching it collapse faster than a 2Guys title reign. All the while Chess constantly remarking “Whoa… that’s cool!”
Ah, I should probably explain Chess for those that are unaware. Chess is short for Francesca. Somehow for all his bad luck and complete stupidity, Jackle has managed to get a girlfriend, and incredibly hot, could easily be a super-model, girlfriend. Of course the irony of her nickname being after one of the most intelligent games around is lost on all but myself. Chess is way beyond the level of airhead that is stereotypically (and very incorrectly) associated with Models in general. Hell, she makes the 2Guys look like Mensa members. That in of itself is an achievement that’s difficult to do. And for some reason, she reacts to most things with a “whoa…. that’s cool.”
Since she barely puts any emotion into anything she says, at first I didn’t know if she was being sarcastic whenever she said that. Now I know she’s missing too many braincells to know how to display emotion.
Anyway, back to the house of cards, and every time I went to the 2Guys house I had to bring more decks of cards as they kept adding more and more to it, it getting bigger and bigger. Until eventually I got there one day… and it had disappeared.
Menace was bewildered as to how such a massive construct could simply vanish into thin air (although he might have used simpler words). Jackle was distraught over how all their hard work had gone without them even having done anything to cause it and Chess.. well she was just Chess.
Being the only reasonable mind (I’ll refrain from making a comment about how that can apply at any time with this group), I tried to help work out what had happened. After all something of that size and amount of cards doesn’t simply disappear into thin air.
So the 2Guys (and girl) tried to recall the events of the last 24 hours. They had decided that the house of cards was big enough (mainly because they didn’t really have any more space in the room they had set it up in to expand it any more), and so they went out for drinks to celebrate. And by celebrate they mean they got so drunk they don’t remember coming back home. Menace figures he went straight to bed, and by the time he got up around mid afternoon there was nothing in the ‘Card’ room.
“Oh, you missed our cool game” Chess said with about as much enthusiasm as a comatose patient.
See as it turned out, Chess had been up first at about nine-ish in the morning. She was generally tired, hungover and had a pain in her shoulder (I didn’t want to know). After getting a drink of water from the kitchen she had found something on the floor and it reminded her of this old game her parents used to play with her. At about half ten, Jackle had come downstairs and ended up joining Chess in her game. And what game was this you may ask (as we did)?
“52 card pick-up”
I’ll give Menace his due, he clocked on a hell of a lot quicker than Jackle ever did (hangovers, am I right?). From what we can tell at some point either to or from the kitchen, Chess had opened the door to the room with the house of cards and knocked it all down. When she noticed the cards on the floor, she started playing 52 Card pick up. Well we say 52 card pick up, but there were 23 packs used in that house of cards, jokers and all, so it was more like One Thousand, Two Hundred and Forty Two card pick-up.
As my girlfriend accurately pointed out, I have weird friends.
In contrast, there’s PCW. Oh sure there’s a few crazy, insane and off the wall bat-guano people within the hallowed halls. But I’d imagine all of them would work out why there was a bunch of cards lying on the floor of the room they were building a house of cards in before playing 1,242 pick up with them. Ok, at least most then.
The next Trauma becomes interesting for me on multiple levels. Beyond my match there is the Number One contenders match between Seromine and Stormm. One of these guys are going to be facing off against me when Return to Glory rolls around, so I probably should be paying attention to this match. But honestly, it’s not really something to worry about until I know who wins. Then I’ll start being concerned as to which could be facing off for the International Title.
My main focus right now is my match at T194. A Triple Threat match against Justin Kaard and Nathan Saniti. These two guys are difficult enough to face off at the best of times, and I have to go up against both at the same time? Talk about constantly throwing me hard challenges.
The match up itself isn’t exactly great either. For all my speed and agility in the ring I know I struggle to keep up with Kaard’s high flying antics. I struggle to decide if he gets his jollies when he’s stuck in gravities grip or if he’s trying to become the first human being to actually fly in the air.
And then there’s Nathan Saniti. Master at unpredictability. One moment he’s brawling, next he could be technical, next he could be sneaky, then he could be leaping off the turnbuckle just like Kaard or myself. You never know what either of these two will do, or how crazy they’ll get once in full flow of the match.
There’s only one thing I can do in this situation, react. And hope I can react faster that they can act to try and stay ahead of the game. After all, sometimes a wrestling match is just like building a house of cards. It takes concentration, patience and precision to find the best opportunity to strike. And in that moment, somebody collapses just like a house of cards.
Let’s see who to topples first.
My girlfriend thinks I have very weird friends. To be fair to her, she’s not wrong. I mean, have you met the 2Guys? Ok, for those of you who answered no, let’s dial this back a bit and get you up to speed.
Jackle and Menace are two former PCW wrestlers who are know by the tag team handle 2Guys. Now you may be wondering why they have such a ridiculously generic name for their Tag Team name. Well it goes back many years, to a long time prior to them joining PCW. Back then they held a contest for the fans of the promotion they were in to pick a new tag team name. The 2Guys was chosen out of the thousands of entries as not only the best which accurately described them as a team, but was also the single entry that was allowed to be broadcast on any television network.
Even by their own admission, a very large percentage of the vile and offensive suggestions still accurately described them as a tag team.
Now the 2Guys entire career, not just within PCW, has been mostly a losing one. They have lost matches against some of the greats, some of the mediocre and some of the down right terrible. But what makes the 2Guys different from some of the jobbers that have tried their hand at wrestling (and failed), the 2Guys openly embrace their loser ability. And they don’t even try to change it in any way, preferring stupid stunts instead of studying their opponents, watching cartoons instead of their opponent’s promos and training Pokémon instead of themselves.
In fact thinking back on it, how the hell were they not super obese and physically unfit?
Well their wrestling days may be behind them for the most part, but their penchant for stupid stunts is still strong. If fact there was a prime example just recently. Over the last couple of weeks, Jackle and Menace have been focused on building a gigantic house of cards (which for those of you who may be unaware, is a free standing structure made entirely of playing cards balanced together). Why did they decide to build this house of cards? Just so they could knock it down when they were finished.
“It’s a blast watching them all collapse” They said.
“Wouldn’t Dominoes be more entertaining?” I asked
“Nah, Dominoes take ages to set up and you have to have so much concentration and precision placing them.” Jackle replied
“Plus one accidental slip and you have to start all over again” Menace added
Yes, that’s right, dominoes require concentration and precision to set up. Now I’ll admit I’m no expert in the art of building a house out of cards, but surely there’s just as much concentration and precision in building those. Not to mention one slip and you have to start over again. Of course the 2Guys are too stupid to see it.
But of course that’s not the end of the story. Oh no. see the 2Guys carried on making their house of cards. Bigger and wider it went as days went by. What started off with 1 deck of cards turned into 3 decks, which soon turned into 5 decks. It took about a week but they got into double figures with the number of packs they used, gleefully giggling in anticipation of pushing a slight blast of air its way and watching it collapse faster than a 2Guys title reign. All the while Chess constantly remarking “Whoa… that’s cool!”
Ah, I should probably explain Chess for those that are unaware. Chess is short for Francesca. Somehow for all his bad luck and complete stupidity, Jackle has managed to get a girlfriend, and incredibly hot, could easily be a super-model, girlfriend. Of course the irony of her nickname being after one of the most intelligent games around is lost on all but myself. Chess is way beyond the level of airhead that is stereotypically (and very incorrectly) associated with Models in general. Hell, she makes the 2Guys look like Mensa members. That in of itself is an achievement that’s difficult to do. And for some reason, she reacts to most things with a “whoa…. that’s cool.”
Since she barely puts any emotion into anything she says, at first I didn’t know if she was being sarcastic whenever she said that. Now I know she’s missing too many braincells to know how to display emotion.
Anyway, back to the house of cards, and every time I went to the 2Guys house I had to bring more decks of cards as they kept adding more and more to it, it getting bigger and bigger. Until eventually I got there one day… and it had disappeared.
Menace was bewildered as to how such a massive construct could simply vanish into thin air (although he might have used simpler words). Jackle was distraught over how all their hard work had gone without them even having done anything to cause it and Chess.. well she was just Chess.
Being the only reasonable mind (I’ll refrain from making a comment about how that can apply at any time with this group), I tried to help work out what had happened. After all something of that size and amount of cards doesn’t simply disappear into thin air.
So the 2Guys (and girl) tried to recall the events of the last 24 hours. They had decided that the house of cards was big enough (mainly because they didn’t really have any more space in the room they had set it up in to expand it any more), and so they went out for drinks to celebrate. And by celebrate they mean they got so drunk they don’t remember coming back home. Menace figures he went straight to bed, and by the time he got up around mid afternoon there was nothing in the ‘Card’ room.
“Oh, you missed our cool game” Chess said with about as much enthusiasm as a comatose patient.
See as it turned out, Chess had been up first at about nine-ish in the morning. She was generally tired, hungover and had a pain in her shoulder (I didn’t want to know). After getting a drink of water from the kitchen she had found something on the floor and it reminded her of this old game her parents used to play with her. At about half ten, Jackle had come downstairs and ended up joining Chess in her game. And what game was this you may ask (as we did)?
“52 card pick-up”
I’ll give Menace his due, he clocked on a hell of a lot quicker than Jackle ever did (hangovers, am I right?). From what we can tell at some point either to or from the kitchen, Chess had opened the door to the room with the house of cards and knocked it all down. When she noticed the cards on the floor, she started playing 52 Card pick up. Well we say 52 card pick up, but there were 23 packs used in that house of cards, jokers and all, so it was more like One Thousand, Two Hundred and Forty Two card pick-up.
As my girlfriend accurately pointed out, I have weird friends.
In contrast, there’s PCW. Oh sure there’s a few crazy, insane and off the wall bat-guano people within the hallowed halls. But I’d imagine all of them would work out why there was a bunch of cards lying on the floor of the room they were building a house of cards in before playing 1,242 pick up with them. Ok, at least most then.
The next Trauma becomes interesting for me on multiple levels. Beyond my match there is the Number One contenders match between Seromine and Stormm. One of these guys are going to be facing off against me when Return to Glory rolls around, so I probably should be paying attention to this match. But honestly, it’s not really something to worry about until I know who wins. Then I’ll start being concerned as to which could be facing off for the International Title.
My main focus right now is my match at T194. A Triple Threat match against Justin Kaard and Nathan Saniti. These two guys are difficult enough to face off at the best of times, and I have to go up against both at the same time? Talk about constantly throwing me hard challenges.
The match up itself isn’t exactly great either. For all my speed and agility in the ring I know I struggle to keep up with Kaard’s high flying antics. I struggle to decide if he gets his jollies when he’s stuck in gravities grip or if he’s trying to become the first human being to actually fly in the air.
And then there’s Nathan Saniti. Master at unpredictability. One moment he’s brawling, next he could be technical, next he could be sneaky, then he could be leaping off the turnbuckle just like Kaard or myself. You never know what either of these two will do, or how crazy they’ll get once in full flow of the match.
There’s only one thing I can do in this situation, react. And hope I can react faster that they can act to try and stay ahead of the game. After all, sometimes a wrestling match is just like building a house of cards. It takes concentration, patience and precision to find the best opportunity to strike. And in that moment, somebody collapses just like a house of cards.
Let’s see who to topples first.
