Interrogations Are Good for the Body (vs. Winston & Muscles)

[David Hunter]

Today, we start our scene with David Hunter. Or, at least, who we assume is David Hunter. Kind of hard to tell behind a burlap sack over one's head.

Oh, wait, hold it, the sack is removed. It's definitely David Hunter. God help him.

The setting? Some dark, dank warehouse the specific location of which no mere human, spectral, or extraterrestrial—Tamaranean, Warlordian, Incursean, or any other—could ever comprehend.

Okay, that’s pretty hyperbolic. The Tamarans could probably comprehend it on a base level, but that’s just nitpicking.

Nonetheless, the universe or dimension is irrelevant. The importance lies in the fact that David Hunter is presently tied to a metal chair by some tight, rough nylon rope. To make matters worse, he is surrounded by various bodies that he is well aware of. Only two stand in front of him. The rest remain behind.

When David attempts to turn his head to look at them, he is stopped by a harsh grip on his chin. The nicely manicured hand belongs to the black-haired, red-robed Wuya. David reacts by moving away from the hand.

“Ew, bad touch, bad touch,” he says.

Seeing this as the perfect time to respond, a nearby silver-haired young man wearing a gray vest, black cargo pants, and black combat boots speaks up.

“Wow David, didn’t know you were into this kind of shit,” he says.

“Hey Mercury. Wuya…” David says, allowing the latter name to fade.

“Yo,” Mercury says.

“Good morning, young David,” Wuya says.

“That’s a ‘No’ word,” David says.

David’s eyes narrow, an action matched by Wuya. She adds in a scowl for added effect.

“You’re no fun,” she says.

“I never claimed to be. So hey, like…while I do enjoy a kidnapping every now and again—seriously, it keeps you on your toes and ready for anything, try it sometime—what exactly did I do to get kidnapped by you two and your merry band of misfit toys lurking behind me,” David says.

Behind him, a rather peeved woman in a black cloak approaches. She wields a small knife in her hand, attempting to stab David with it.

She is held back by two other bodies, still trapped in the shadows. Wuya herself waves the lady off, who merely huffs and falls back in line.

“The knife too…” David says.

It does find itself no longer in her grasp.

It also finds itself swooshing past the left side of David’s face, implanting itself in the floor. When the hair on his head stops swaying in the accompanying breeze, David looks down at it.

“Oh shit, I know that knife. Larxene, baby, how you doing?” David asks.

When he tries to turn his head again, Wuya once more stops him, forcing him to stare ahead at his two main abductors.

“Stop that,” David says.

“David, focus. We brought you here in order to give you the answers you seek,” Mercury says.

“What’s the real meaning to life? How do I find her like Wuya promised? Why the fuck are you using baddies like this? Who’s your big bad? And when did you get actual shoes, Wuya?” David asks.

Mercury pinches his forehead, looking down at the floor with a sigh. Wuya, with a smirk, decides to answer the questions outright.

“Ask the Tennysons, that’s the reason you’re here, because they’re not really that noticeable or won't be inherently missed from their respective dimensions, we can’t answer that, and when I started walking in this fucking place. Seriously, if the ground wasn’t hot enough the rocks would be the end of me.”

“Oh cool. So, tell me, where the fuck is she? I got Qrow off your backs for a bit like I promised,” David says.

“Local bar?” Mercury and Wuya ask at the same time.

“So easy,” David says, a smile on his face.

Mercury shakes his head and cracks his knuckles.

“David, we brought you here to meet the big bad you brought up. He’s willing to offer you a deal in exchange for the information you want,” he says.

“I thought you said you knew where it was, Wuya,” David says.

He glances over at her, who scratches the side of her head in response. Give her credit, she at least looks guilty.

“I might’ve been throwing a few lies out there,” she says.

“Oh what a shock, Wuya lied to get what she wanted. Is there even a Wu like what you described?” David asks.

“There is,” a voice says.

It’s not Wuya’s voice. It’s not Mercury’s voice. It’s not a voice coming from behind me, so it’s not the voice of any of the misfits.

It’s a new voice.

It’s not every year one manages to hear a voice you’ve never heard before, especially in David’s line of work. And yet, here it is.

Furthermore, it’s not every year David hears a voice that he knows to be cautious around. He’s a pretty easy guy. Not a lot of people scare him, let alone cause him to worry so easily. And yet, here it is.

To make matters worse, the reactions from both Wuya and Mercury do not help things. Mercury’s a lot like David, fearless and cocky. So to see him perk up and stand at the ready definitely didn’t help. Meanwhile, Wuya, goddess of most evil, millennia old witch, and all around overconfident but completely powerful sorceress, is actually looking to the floor, playing with her fingernails to distract herself. That never happens.

And yet…here it is…

Oh boy.

David looks up, locking eyes with this new voice.

Yellow and orange. Left and right respectively.

This thing isn’t human.

It can barely be described as extraterrestrial.

Black, rough skin. A large sword accompanying him at his waist. Claws the size his fingers. All wrapped up in an open robe and black boots.

Thank the unknown for pants though.

It’s like a fucked up lizard, but, you know…actually terrifying.

It takes David a few more moments to control himself before releasing a sigh.

He cracks his neck.

And smirks.

“So…you must be the big bad,” David says.

“I have been called as such,” the lizard thing says.

“You have a name to go with that sweet get-up?” David asks.

“Yes. You might be able to hear it if this goes as planned,” lizard thing says.

David’s smirk fades to a scowl. Not a great start.

“Fair enough. You do hold all the cards here. What with Mistress of Most Evil, King of Metal, and The Cold Bitch already in your ranks,” he says.

Another knife finds itself flying by his head. It joins the other one of the floor.

“Love ya too Larxene,” David calls.

The lizard thing narrows his eyes. He lets out a low growl, looking over at Wuya.

“Is he always this arrogant?” it asks.

“Ludicrously so,” she says.

She stares at David, eyes narrowed in her own right.

“Love that confidence, Wuya,” David says, rather monotone.

“David...” Mercury warns.

David glances over at Mercury, who almost looks pleading. In response, David shrugs.

“I’m not sure what you’re all afraid of. Sure, he can probably kill all of you if he wants to, but he clearly needs all of you. What’s he gonna do, kill all the bad guys in the universes? Oh no, that would just be the best thing ever. Plus, the point is to take bad guys that nobody would miss or care was gone, right? Once he starts taking the other ‘big bads’ every single universe will crumble and the construct of any time or space will implode on each other,” he says.

He opens his mouth to continue, but is stopped a sword dropping in front of him, impaling the floor and sending the concrete around it crumbling. David stares at it, his eyes wide.

“Do you recognize this sword,” the lizard thing asks.

David starts examining it. Metal, steel, probably a material harder than it if it cut through concrete like that. There’s a few symbols he doesn’t recognize on it, but other than that, it looks finely made.

David shrugs.

“Should I?” he asks.

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t. You’re still learning, after all. When your father first saw it, he examined it completely and locked it in his brain. You probably just did the same thing. But what you should know is that this is the sword that killed your father’s brother and best friend,” the lizard thing says.

Oh.

Oh that explains it.

That’s definitely a button he just pressed.

David cracks his neck, his face dropping any kind of shrug or wide eyes.

The lizard thing smiles.

“That’s more like it. Believe it or not, Mr. Hunter, I did not enjoy killing your uncles. It was merely for the sake of getting under this universe’s protector’s skins, including your father’s. But you…you’re not like him,” it says.

“You’re god damn right,” David says.

“No, what you lack in the experience he has, you make up for in spirit, perseverance, and most importantly…connections. Growing up in a world where seemingly fictional characters are far from is not something most dream as a reality. But you’ve had the luxury.

“When you were 11 you had your first encounter with this…game…as you people so easily call it. You were confronted with a choice and you choose wrong. The cost was your mother. Isn’t that right?”

David tries to get loose and attack, but the ropes keep him bound. The chair moves slightly forward, but is quickly held in place by a few of the bodies behind him. One is Larxene’s, accompanied by a knife to the throat. Another is much older. With goggles on his face and lab coat around his body, the hands grip the chair tightly.

“The knife is unnecessary,” the lizard thing says.

Larxene groans but complies, putting the knife back in her sleeve.

“Don’t worry Mr. Hunter. Not many of us know. Your father doesn’t. Your sister doesn’t. But we do. It was your fault, wasn’t it? You made a mistake and it cost your mother her life. But that’s not all. When you were 14 you met Wuya, and that changed you. It molded you. While your father is content to say it ruined you, I’d like to think it prepared you.

“Not long after your father married somebody from another universe. Completely unheard of before, but he blazed the trail for many more to come. And then, you met Argit. That…porcupined little punk who dragged you down into a world you can never leave. Nor do you want to. Throughout your years you’ve been everywhere. Tamaran, War Lordia, Titan, Duckburg, Arcadia Bay, Beacon…”

David looks up, narrowing his eyes at the lizard thing.

“And all throughout your journey you have met many people. Good, evil, it doesn’t matter. You worked for them all and you continue to, despite having a life on your own Earth. College? You didn’t stick. A job? Not worth it. And now this…wrestling thing? How long will that last? How long can it last? How long…are you willing it to last? Because I can make it last as long as you want to. All you have to do…is accept my deal.”

David stretches his jaw, staring down at the sword in front of him. In his own mind, he sees Uncle Frank. He sees Uncle Chuck. He sees Mom.

He looks back up at the lizard thing.

“Where is the Wu?” he asks.

“Not yet. Tell me….David…do you know why we kidnapped you?” the lizard thing asks.

“Because you need me for something,” David says.

“Exactly. David…you do you know your best quality?”

“I’m adaptable.”

“You’re good at this. Now then—and this is the most important—how much do you want to see her again?”

“More than anything.”

“What would you do to get her back?”

“Anything.”

“Would you kill for her?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill your best friend?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill your Uncle Rick?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill the Council's head?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill your own father?”

This causes David to pause. Something in his eyes change though. They lose their intensity. The dedication and drive that he had a few moments ago fades. The lizard thing sees it, but doesn’t say anything.

David shakes his head, regaining himself the best way he can.

Eventually, he responds.

“In a fucking heartbeat.”

The lizard thing smiles.

“Larxene, cut his ropes,” it says.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

“Positive. He won’t attack me. He’s still surrounded,” it says.

Larxene looks at the old man next to her, who shrugs. She groans, cutting the ropes loose. She keeps the knife in hand, however.

David stands up, rubbing his sore wrists and cracking his joints.

“Haven’t been restrained like that in a while...” he says.

“My proposition is this, Mr. Hunter. You have inside contacts with the Council, the Peacekeepers, and the Others. You know their secrets. They trust you. For some…unbelievable reason, they still trust you despite everything you’ve done,” the lizard thing says.

“It’s because of what you just said. I know the Game better than half the guys currently in it, most of which have been in it for twice the time I have,” David says.

“Indeed. Be that as it may, I need somebody in your position. You’re still a freelancer for hire, correct?” the lizard thing asks.

David nods, stretching his arms up and around his body.

“Good. Then I’d like to hire you for a job,” the lizard thing asks.

With a smirk to David's lips, everybody who can see it knows they’ve got him.

“Payment?” he asks.

“Anything you want for the job you take. We’ll give you the first two for free right here and now, just for dragging you here. Name it,” the lizard thing says.

“Name.”

The lizard thing—and that the unknown this is the last time—offers its hand.

“Noxorus,” it says.

David shakes the hand, ignoring the strength of the grip or the sandpaper skin.

“Nice to meet you,” he says.

They let their hands drop.

“As for your Wu, it’s currently located in Phoenix, on your Earth. Once it was found not too long ago, somebody quickly snatched it up. We don’t know how long it’ll be there. The person who has it is…aware, let’s say. Not completely, but enough to know what it does. They’re using it to find somebody. They probably won’t be in Phoenix long, but it’s a good place to start.”

“Phoenix, my Earth, got it,” David says.

“Word of caution. Your presence at your house is presently undisturbed. All three groups are unaware you were kidnapped. Mr. Branwen, however, is more than likely already aware, or at least will be when he awakens from his stupor. Do not worry about him for now, but leave as soon as you can. I am aware of your prior engagements in this…wrestling thing. We will not impede on it, but so long as you do your jobs, you can still do that one. Do we have a deal?”

“Already agreed,” David says.

He offers his hand, to which Noxorus quickly shakes.

“Good. Nice to have you on board. And…apologies, Mr. Hunter,” Noxorus says.

“Be gentle, sweet angel,” David says.

Larxene then kind of clocks him in the back of the head, which is the last thing David has recollection of.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

David sets a camera up. The setting is much different this time. David’s apartment, shitty walls, bloody couch. Not much more to say about it.

The camera picks up David taking a seat, rubbing the back of his head and taking a drink from the beer in his hand. He sets it on the table, beginning to speak. He's wearing a Pink Diamond zipped-up hoodie and some blue jeans, thank the unknown. You’d be surprised how much of an issue that can be.

David then grabs a luggage bag from below the camera's shot. He places it on the couch before beginning to speak.

“I find it kind of interesting that Muscles decided to talk about something he has no idea on. Multiverse is definitely not an ordinary concept, one that I never thought Malone would ever decide to breach. Of course, the way he talks about it sounds like a monkey giving a lecture at Harvard while playing with his ill-equipped penis.

You’ve got the general concept, but you’re using it in the worst ways. A minor change like Winston not being a fat-ass or you being better than…shit, let’s just say better than Winston is fun to think about, but you’re thinking too small. Think big. I know it’s hard for you, considering your confidence is your only asset, barring those balloons you call muscles, but just try for me, okay?"

David takes a quick sip of the beer before putting it back down.

"What if Kyle Shane never had a shitty life growing up?

What if Holden Ross never met the girl he likes to talk about?

What if Joey Handy went to MIT and became one of the most regarded engineers ever?

What if Jack Hunter used his power in the XWF to vacate the Universal Title and reward it to himself instead of listening to some jack-ass who ended up destroying that same company?

What if I died when I was 10 instead of my mom?

What if Winston wasn’t such a joyous guy and used his size for evil?

Shit, here’s one, what if Muscles Malone won the Deadly Rumble?

Multiverses are fun to think about, but here on Earth, they’re virtually impossible to utilize without consequences.

But the most baffling part about Muscles Malone talking about multiverse theory that I don’t get…is why the fuck does it matter?"

Another quick sip of the beer.

"This is the universe we’re stuck in. This is the universe we’re a part of. Not the universe where Kyle Shane has a job as a video game developer. Not the universe where Holden Ross is happily married and not part of a cult. Not the universe where Winston got to the ladies before Muscles ever did.

Actually, that last one was probably this universe too. As much confidence as you have Malone, Winston’s got that in spades, plus the guy’s fat, so you know he’s legit with it.

My point is…the universe we’re currently in is all that matters. I’m the King of the Underground. You’re my lowly challenger trying to insurrect my throne. Winston’s the court jester here to entertain the masses and probably make it easier for me to win.

That’s the reality we’re in.

Muscles, the last time we faced, it was part of that three-way with Holden. I didn’t pin you, which is fine. That’s the same reason I got my shot that week as well. Near as I can tell, you deserve this shot. Not because you’re good. Not because you’re some unique force that the crowd demands get a shot at my, or anybody else’s title. Not because you’re well liked because trust me, not a lot of people hold anything but disdain to you.

You deserve this title shot...because I haven’t actually beaten you.

And this week, I could pin Winston, and guess what, I would still ask to face you again. Why? Because until I pin you in that ring, 1, 2, 3, no interference, no third man, no shenanigans, you will never shut the fuck up about that fact.

Until I have you down on the mat and beat you in that ring, I know you’ll be talking nonstop about deserving another shot. Well guess what, I hope I beat you in that ring because I can guarantee I’ll have more fun facing Winston Wilson in a match than I ever will have facing you.

It’s not cause you suck. You’ve earned most of what you got.

It’s not cause Winston sucks. He probably does, but the guy’s a fat-ass, he doesn’t have to be the best wrestler ever to win a match.

It’s not even cause I hate you, because I don’t. You’ve got a lot going for you, even if I don’t agree with much of it.

No, Muscles, it’s because you’re an arrogant piece of shit.

Am I arrogant? Sure, absolutely, one of the biggest for sure, but who’s the one holding the crown? Not you. Not Winston. Me.

And speaking of Winston, I realize we rag on your weight a lot but it’s mostly because it’s low-hanging fruit. We can talk shit all day about your size and your ability, but hey man, if you’re having fun, who the hell are we say anything?

You have fun Winston. You have a damn good time. You have sex with whoever you want. It’s 2018, who the hell are we to judge?

You want to go out there and pick up the chicks Muscles never can? You do it.

You want to go out there and destroy me and Muscles? Give it your all.

You want to go out there and claim my title? Fat fucking chance.

That was some unintended wordplay, but I’m not arguing it.

I’ll give you credence to do whatever you want Winston. You’re a free spirit in a time where hardly anybody’s free. I’m sure you’re well aware of that fact, much more so than my pasty white ass is.

But if you think you can bound on in and slam or take down everybody like a fucked up Snorlax, than let me tell you something.

Heavy lies the crown, and it’s sure as hell heavier than you, so if you think I’m just gonna roll over while you try to roll over me, than let me tell you something you might not know.

I’ve dealt with guys like you and Muscles before. Think they’re the shit. Know they’re the best thing in the world. Believe they can beat anybody without much thought. Know why I think that?

Cause it’s me you idiots.

I’m wrestling a dumber and fatter version of me. A monkey and a Snorlax. Holy hell, this is what I’ve devolved to.

I hope you both enjoy your final moments of fame, and honestly, who I don’t beat, I’ll be happy facing that third person…and beat them too.

Whoever’s takin the fall, have fun, because this is as far as it goes.

To whoever manages to irk out without a pinfall, then I’ll see you out there again soon.

In the meantime, I’ll be happy wearing my crown, sitting on my throne, and looking out at all you peasants with a smile on my face.

Because quite frankly, I’m starting to love the feel of this gold. And I’ll be dammed if you two nobodies are taking it away from me.”

David then leans forward, turning the camera off.