A Day Off You Can't Forget (Icemann Tournament RP 2)
Jun 2, 2019 1:35:08 GMT -5
The Anarchist and Gerard Angelo like this
Post by David Hunter on Jun 2, 2019 1:35:08 GMT -5
You know…most people spend their regular day-to-day life working a boring or tedious job. They get out of bed and prepare for their day, usually begrudgingly going through the motions, to go to work and get the money they earn. The next day they do it again. Then again.Then again. Then again. And the next week it starts all over again.
It’s a cycle.
For professional wrestlers it’s a bit different. They have to keep their bodies in shape and healthy. They have to make sure they’re able to withstand any sort of grueling affairs, whether it be a clusterfuck match with weapons galore or two matches in one night (or three if you’re Kyle because that year must’ve sucked). They spend their off-time in the gym or doing media to promote the next show and match. They get paid handsomely for it, but you ask a lot of them and they’ll tell you it’s not about the money. It’s about the recognition. It’s about the fame. It’s about the fans out there cheering their name.
David Hunter’s different from all of them. He spends his regular time at work trying to survive week in and week out, whether it be the aforementioned clusterfuck match with weapons galore, the forthcoming two matches in one night (or three if you’re David who is clearly a fucking idiot, seriously why did you want to also fight for the Underground Title you moron)—
—or any number of outside parties that might make themselves known. This is, of course, not limited to just getting one’s ass kicked by somebody much bigger than them or being succumbed to double team efforts from two people who hate you. Or even messing with you mentally when you have $300,000 taken out of your bank account for being a fucking idiot—
David doesn’t do this wrestling thing for the money. He makes plenty of that in his off time, which we’ll get to in a moment. He doesn’t do it for the recognition, because in the “game” he plays, recognition often leads to a bigger target. He definitely doesn’t do it for the fame because…shit, look at his dad, look how much fame went to his head. If you ever see David crooning country covers on social media and putting together hokey campaign speeches to become the owner of PCW, you have my express permission to shoot him in the head.
David also doesn’t do it for the fans, because quite frankly, what have they done for him lately? Whether it be booing him for making cruel jokes at bad times or beating up people the crowd likes…oh and I guess assaulting a woman so badly she had to retire, but in this sport that seems to be a fairly regular occurrence.
So why does David do it?
Beats the fuck out of me. The guy’s clearly off his rocker recently. A smart man would’ve picked one aspect of the life he lives and stick with it. What kind of dumb-ass decides to become a professional wrestler fulltime while also living a life as a freelance mercenary contracted to one of the biggest evil entities to ever exist?
I’ll tell you who.
The son of a dumb-ass.
Because while guys like Kyle Shane or Stormm or Dominator spend their lives reminiscing on their past or reflecting their past victories or staying in shape and working out or whatever kind of shenanigan-filled adventures they get into, David is not so lucky.
His dumb-ass chose to be a freelance mercenary contracted to one of the biggest evil entities to ever exist.
Which is what puts his entire life into perspective. And not in a good one.
For example: David Hunter is presently sitting at a fast-food stand on a boardwalk in a small-town. This town is called Beach City.
Don’t bother looking it up on Google Maps, you’re not gonna find it.
Why is that you ask?
Because it’s located in an entirely different dimension separate from our own.
I know I haven’t been a self-conscious narrator for too long, but it seems fairly asinine that your two fulltime jobs would take place in two separate dimensions.
Let that sink in.
Two separate dimensions!
You know, most people spend their day-offs getting better at what they’re doing. Most spend it relaxing and trying to take a load off from the previous week. Most spend it trying to prepare for what is their biggest match of their career prepping and studying their opponents and not asking soldiers for advice in correlation to real world events.
I could’ve been a narrator for anybody. I decided to go with this guy. You know, why not? Seemed pretty interesting from the start. Adopted son of a wrestler who left his family high and dry.
I didn’t expect a whole layer upon a litany of layers or preexisting canon.
But, this is what I got.
The son of a dumb-ass eating fries and drinking soda, sitting on a boardwalk in an entirely different dimension.
What makes it worse is that, even now, he’s on edge. He’s got binoculars in front of his eyes, staring across the boardwalk towards the beach faraway. His eyes focus on a pre-teen boy playing some kind of weird game with a giant pink lion.
And another pre-teen girl with a pink sword.
And a short purple woman with long hair and black shirt and pants.
And a white—not Caucasian, white—slender woman with a spear.
And a tall, thick-hipped woman with a square afro…and is that three eyes? Yes, those are three eyes.
And let’s not forget the buff woman with cornrows or the green-skinned woman with transparent glasses on a trash can lid.
Ohp, wait, she is currently hovering on that trash can lid.
I think you get the point I’m making here. This is certainly not how Kyle or Stormm or Dominator spend their day-offs.
Through all of this discussion I am having with myself apparently, David holds his right pointer finger to his right ear.
“Yo Ace, you have eyes on the target?” he asks.
After a crackle, the speaker on the other end of a small, two-way communicator answers.
“Yes sir. Scopes have the kid in sight, aiming right for the pink…gem?” Dark Ace says/asks.
“That is the correct terminology, yes.”
David moves the binoculars around the scene for a bit, just to get a scope of things.
A man wearing a fry-hat behind the counter of the fast-food stand.
A buff black man selling tickets to something with a big, fake smile on his face.
A small young woman in a black leather jacket talking to a pink-skinned, tall, skinny guy in a black trenchcoat.
Just a normal day now-a-days in Beach City.
I’m…I’m assuming. I don’t spend my days here, obviously. I’m not a fucking idiot like David is.
As David’s eyesight returns to the group playing in the distance, he finds his vision blocked.
By a blue-skinned woman in a dark blue top and blue loose pants.
This one he knows.
David lowers the binoculars, raising an eyebrow and looking straight into the eyes of a scowling Lapis Lazuli.
She only narrows her eyes in response.
Such riveting conversation.
David puts the binoculars on the table. He uses his left hand to grab the non-copyrighted Coca Cola from the table and take a sip from the straw.
He uses his right pointer finger to touch his ear.
“Ace, you mind moving your scope to my table?” he asks.
A few moments of pause while the two parties continue their stare down.
“I got her. I’m aiming right for the blue…would you call that a gem? It’s a tear drop, almost a crystal,” Ace says.
“They’re all called gems, Ace,” David says.
Lapis chooses now to speak.
“Except for the big four,” she says.
“Except for the giant ladies and the kid, I guess. Just…just keep her in your sights. If I wave to you, shoot her, we clear?” David asks.
“Crystal,” Ace says.
David sets the cup of non-copyright Coca Cola down on the table to pinch the bridge of his nose. He glances over at Lapis.
“Apologies, my partner just made a pun without realizing it,” he says.
“Oh shit, you’re right,” Ace says.
David takes the communicator out of his ear. He waves over to a teen in a red button-up shirt and curly yellow hair…shaped like fries.
I hate this dimension.
“Yo, Ronnie!”
The guy in question rushes over.
“Yes sir, David sir?” ‘Ronnie’ asks.
“Take this communicator. It’s from a different dimension. That should stave you off until the Council gets back to you on that job position,” David says.
‘Ronnie’ takes the communicator before offering a salute. He then runs off. He yells to the sky, holding the communicator up like a gift from the gods.
David stares on, shaking his head and chuckling.
When he turns back towards his guest, Lapis has an ice shard aimed at his neck.
Pleasant company, truly.
“Ease up on the icepicks Elsa, I have a trained sharpshooter aimed right at your gem,” he says. “Plus we’re in public. I know the concept is still new to some of you, but you’re an ally of Mr. Silver. Think like the bastard for a second.”
With a groan, Lapis lets the ice shard melt. The water hits the table and slides off.
Luckily for David, his swimtrunks and Hawaiian shirt combo actually fit in to the environment.
Still cold though.
“You do realize that you just gave Ronaldo of all people interdimensional tech, right?” she asks.
“Yes,” David says.
“And—wait, you offered him a job with the council?” Lapis screeches.
“Yes.”
“I am the council's ambassador for this dimension! You are aware they won’t even take a look at the application, right?”
“Yes. That’s why I put it in your name.”
Lapis growls, her hands clenched at her side.
“Oh please, give the kid a bit of hope. When it’s inevitably dashed he can join the club with me and Ace. Hopefully he won’t have to deal with years of sexual abuse like I did. I mean…unless you’re into that kind of thing.”
The growls get louder. Her eyes turn a deep cyan, the pupils disappearing. The tide on the beach starts rising pretty fast.
“Cause if you are I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
With one final grunt, Lapis lets her hands unclench. She closes her eyes, taking a few breaths. The tide returns to normal.
When she opens her eyes, they are missing their cyan abyss.
She takes a seat across from David, letting out a sigh.
“Yeah, see, there’s the bitter disappointment. You manage to take on somebody you don’t like, tell them off for being wrong, let them know you disagree, possibly get a bit violent, and then end up failing in the end despite all the confidence in the universe you'd succeed. With an attitude like that, you could be a wrestler in no time,” he says.
“Is this really all a joke to you?” Lapis asks.
“Not really. But I’ve gone through most of my life taking everything seriously. You think I’m here now because I want to be. My family hates me, my dad’s a cheating piece of shit—and on Goodwitch of all people,” David shudders. “Never getting that out of my head.”
Lapis raises an eyebrow at David’s small tangent.
“All three groups that deal with interdimensional shit want my ass, I’m working with a big bad who will probably destroy the Prime Dimension which will destroy mostly every other one, I’m hanging out with a guy I consider my brother after two or three years of not seeing each other, and I just found out that apparently my spirit is being shared with another entity. That’s all I know: another entity. Like, what kind of bullshit is that? That could be anything. It could be a wolf. That would be bad-ass, but the chances of there being a wolf in my spirit is probably pretty small. I’m goddamn awesome, but I’m not ‘my parents gave me a middle name of Daemon’ awesome.”
Lapis sighs once more.
“Are you always this arrogant?” she asks.
“Considering how many times I’ve been asked that, I’m going to assume the answer is yes,” he says whilst munching of a few fries.
After another sip of the non-copyright Coca Cola, David lets out a sigh of content.
“Of course, the whole story gets weird because the woman I love is still in love with another cheating piece of shit, and on her sister too, like…even I want to kick his ass, and he’s been dead for like a century. Not to mention that I just found out that having my life threatened in very specific details apparently gets me horny.”
“Ew,” Lapis says.
Her face pinches in on itself.
“Ew. Ew ew ew.”
“I know right!”
Unfortunately yes.
Yes I do.
“And here I am trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life. Wrestling is fun, but at the same time, being a freelance mercenary for hire is about all I’ve known in my life. I basically went to school to learn how for about six months before they kicked me out. I mean, shit, I’m 23 and faced more in my life than any of my opponents. Sure, Kyle’s got a rough go of it, but he’s always had his arrogance to fall back on. You think I’m arrogant? Check out that fucker. Dude won it last year competing three times in one night.
“Then there’s Stormm. Dude’s got experience and has his shit together. He’s been up-and-down with this company since at least 2006, and despite the gaps where the place closed down it’s quite obvious he’s a potential victor. Hell, both of them held the main two titles for nearly the exact same time. They’re like…made for each other or something, and not in a gay way like an eternal rival way. They’re like Goku and Vegeta if they actually spent time building their rivalry up beyond ‘oh I want to win but I never can’ and Goku just being a dumb-ass.”
So he’s like you only you don’t have the ability to turn into a blonde, steroid powered freak of nature.
“And that’s if I even beat Dominator, the big hoss of an opponent.”
I don’t even know why I bother.
“Never faced the guy before but my partner managed to go down to him so he must be at least mostly a threat. I gotta deal with this shit on top of trying to survive and figure out who I am. I’m 23 years old Lapis! What is this shit?” David yells out.
Lapis just kinda glares at him.
She begins, “Three things. One: I have no idea who any of those people are or what you’re referring to. We don’t get your dimension’s channels here so I’m a bit behind on wrestling. Like…2015 behind.
“Second: I spent a few millennia trapped in a mirror because I was a threat. So if you think you have it bad, than let me take you to a few other dimensions.
“Third: why are you telling all of this to me?”
“Because it seemed to work well for Nathan the last time he was here,” David says.
“He almost shattered Steven!” Lapis yells.
“Almost. And yeah, that would suck, but I don’t really care. You’re out now, free with your tyrants watching over you as spectators while you’re friends with the people who trapped you there in the first place. Meanwhile, I’m free with my two best friends and a lizard creature that’s threatening to destroy all of reality while an ‘entity’ resides as another part of my spirit. I’m not saying you don'thave it bad, but I am saying your perspectives don’t counteract my experience.”
Lapis slams her forehead on the table. This shakes the drink and fries around.
“I give up,” she says. “What do you want?”
“To be honest? Nothing. Noxorus gave us a week off because apparently he almost has everything he needs. I just figured I’d come see the one person who might have a semblance of what I’m going through. Speaking of semblances, have you seen Qrow around here?” David asks.
“Why would Qrow be here?” Lapis asks, muffled by the table.
“I haven’t seen him since I got arrested. I’m assuming he’s back on Remnant, but he likes to dimension hop,” David says.
Lapis lifts her head, staring across the table at David.
“No. No he is not here. Nor should you be,” she says.
“Yeah, I know. Look, all I need is some advice here. My life’s a shit-show, but I’ve lived through shit-shows before,” David says.
“Ignoring the problems by moving on from them doesn’t erase their existence.”
Thank you!
“Yeah yeah, anyway…”
Lapis slaps her hand against her forehead.
For the record, I do too.
“…you got any advice for taking on a guy more arrogant than me and a guy with the experience of a veteran soldier?”
“Focus on expanding their weaknesses to get them pissed and utilize your youth and ability to survive, respectively,” Lapis deadpans.
“That easy?” David asks, raising an eyebrow.
“It can be. There’s too many factors you haven’t defined, but if this guy is as arrogant as you say he is—and it just…scared me to think about how arrogant that is—he knows his weaknesses and negatives. You exacerbate those and he’ll get angrier by the minute. Angry fighter, sloppy fighter, yadda yadda. As for the other guy? You’re 23! You can come up with shit on the fly nobody can think of! I hate to compliment you, but you didn’t survive this long with just your choice of allies or your ego-driven personality. You’re smart, believe it or not.”
I don’t.
“You do things most people wouldn’t do. You come up with things that get the job done but leave people shaking their head in disbelief. Kiss the guy if you have to. Kiss the ref and kick the other guy in the nuts. I don’t know, start jackin it in the middle of the ring.”
This is not a sight I needed in my life.
“Stormm is fairly attractive…” David says, scratching his chin in though.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
In what is becoming fairly common place around David, Lapis releases a sigh.
“Look. The moment you leave this dimension I hope I never see you again. I don’t like you. You’re too cocky for your own good, but the worst part is that you can back it up in a fight. If I had to go to war, I’d like to be on the battlefield on your side. At least I know most of us would survive,” she says. “Now, if you don’t mind, could you get that sniper off me?”
“Oh he’s been off you for like five minutes,” David says.
Lapis narrows her eyes and scrunches her lips together.
“He’s been hanging out by that pizza place behind you flirting with one of the waitresses.”
Lapis turns around, focusing her ire on Dark Ace in the distance. He is, indeed, sitting in front of a pizza stand, talking to a black waitress in an apron. She’s hugging the pizza tray to her chest and jiving a bit with her knees, as if they could crumple to the ground at any minute.
Lapis turns back around.
“Kiki’s 16.”
With that, David copies her exact face: narrowed eyes, scrunched lips.
He raises a hand, holding up a pointer finger, than his palm towards Ace, then his pointer finger again.
Lapis glances back at Ace, whose eyes widen. He straightens his posture.
After a few more words of conversation, the waitress—Kiki—walks back towards the stand. Her head is down, clearly disappointed.
Lapis looks over to David.
“Look, while I can’t really advise what you should do considering you’d probably just fuck it up worse…”
She’s not wrong.
“…I think you should really think about what you want to do. You’ve been doing this for a decade now. Most people don’t live past five years, and they start a lot later than you did, with a lot less baggage. You’re an anomaly, and if that…entity inside of you gets any worse, figure out what it is and find somebody who can help you. I’ve dealt with friends who’ve had split personalities. It’s not a fun day at the beach.”
“Heh, I get it,” David says.
He tries to take another sip of the non-copyright Coca Cola, but finds it is empty.
“Shit. Hey, you know where I can get some cheap booze around here? I’m all out and for some reason I’ve been craving them the last few months,” he says.
Lapis’ eyes widen at this remark.
“What kind of cheap booze?” she asks.
“Find it at the convenience store in a six-pack for a dollar on the bottom shelf.”
Once again, Lapis slaps her hand against her forehead.
“Oh no…” she moans.
“What? Was it something I said?” David asks.
“You’ve met Nathan and Nio right?” Lapis asks.
“Yes?” more questions from David.
“Okay, so I need you to brace for impact here.”
David raises an eyebrow.
Lapis continues, “I’m pretty sure…the other entity inside of you…is one of nine creators of the universe who came to Earth twenty or so years ago.”
David just stares at Lapis, seemingly frozen, and not by her hydrokinesis, just by paralysis of shock.
He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out, so he just closes it again.
“I think you’ll have to track down Nathan. And…I hate to say this…but I know where to find him,” Lapis says.
“Yeah, cool. I’m pretty sure Revy’s going to find out and try and kill me for shooting her boy toy,” David says.
“Meanwhile,” Ace says, now appearing behind their table. “I have to go back Noxorus’ base.”
David and Lapis slam their heads down on the table.
“So in the end,” Lapis starts.
“We're fucked,” David finishes.
Whilst the two of them moan and stew in their collective deflation, Ace reaches over and nabs a fry from the basket.
It’s a cycle.
For professional wrestlers it’s a bit different. They have to keep their bodies in shape and healthy. They have to make sure they’re able to withstand any sort of grueling affairs, whether it be a clusterfuck match with weapons galore or two matches in one night (or three if you’re Kyle because that year must’ve sucked). They spend their off-time in the gym or doing media to promote the next show and match. They get paid handsomely for it, but you ask a lot of them and they’ll tell you it’s not about the money. It’s about the recognition. It’s about the fame. It’s about the fans out there cheering their name.
David Hunter’s different from all of them. He spends his regular time at work trying to survive week in and week out, whether it be the aforementioned clusterfuck match with weapons galore, the forthcoming two matches in one night (or three if you’re David who is clearly a fucking idiot, seriously why did you want to also fight for the Underground Title you moron)—
—or any number of outside parties that might make themselves known. This is, of course, not limited to just getting one’s ass kicked by somebody much bigger than them or being succumbed to double team efforts from two people who hate you. Or even messing with you mentally when you have $300,000 taken out of your bank account for being a fucking idiot—
David doesn’t do this wrestling thing for the money. He makes plenty of that in his off time, which we’ll get to in a moment. He doesn’t do it for the recognition, because in the “game” he plays, recognition often leads to a bigger target. He definitely doesn’t do it for the fame because…shit, look at his dad, look how much fame went to his head. If you ever see David crooning country covers on social media and putting together hokey campaign speeches to become the owner of PCW, you have my express permission to shoot him in the head.
David also doesn’t do it for the fans, because quite frankly, what have they done for him lately? Whether it be booing him for making cruel jokes at bad times or beating up people the crowd likes…oh and I guess assaulting a woman so badly she had to retire, but in this sport that seems to be a fairly regular occurrence.
So why does David do it?
Beats the fuck out of me. The guy’s clearly off his rocker recently. A smart man would’ve picked one aspect of the life he lives and stick with it. What kind of dumb-ass decides to become a professional wrestler fulltime while also living a life as a freelance mercenary contracted to one of the biggest evil entities to ever exist?
I’ll tell you who.
The son of a dumb-ass.
Because while guys like Kyle Shane or Stormm or Dominator spend their lives reminiscing on their past or reflecting their past victories or staying in shape and working out or whatever kind of shenanigan-filled adventures they get into, David is not so lucky.
His dumb-ass chose to be a freelance mercenary contracted to one of the biggest evil entities to ever exist.
Which is what puts his entire life into perspective. And not in a good one.
For example: David Hunter is presently sitting at a fast-food stand on a boardwalk in a small-town. This town is called Beach City.
Don’t bother looking it up on Google Maps, you’re not gonna find it.
Why is that you ask?
Because it’s located in an entirely different dimension separate from our own.
I know I haven’t been a self-conscious narrator for too long, but it seems fairly asinine that your two fulltime jobs would take place in two separate dimensions.
Let that sink in.
Two separate dimensions!
You know, most people spend their day-offs getting better at what they’re doing. Most spend it relaxing and trying to take a load off from the previous week. Most spend it trying to prepare for what is their biggest match of their career prepping and studying their opponents and not asking soldiers for advice in correlation to real world events.
I could’ve been a narrator for anybody. I decided to go with this guy. You know, why not? Seemed pretty interesting from the start. Adopted son of a wrestler who left his family high and dry.
I didn’t expect a whole layer upon a litany of layers or preexisting canon.
But, this is what I got.
The son of a dumb-ass eating fries and drinking soda, sitting on a boardwalk in an entirely different dimension.
What makes it worse is that, even now, he’s on edge. He’s got binoculars in front of his eyes, staring across the boardwalk towards the beach faraway. His eyes focus on a pre-teen boy playing some kind of weird game with a giant pink lion.
And another pre-teen girl with a pink sword.
And a short purple woman with long hair and black shirt and pants.
And a white—not Caucasian, white—slender woman with a spear.
And a tall, thick-hipped woman with a square afro…and is that three eyes? Yes, those are three eyes.
And let’s not forget the buff woman with cornrows or the green-skinned woman with transparent glasses on a trash can lid.
Ohp, wait, she is currently hovering on that trash can lid.
I think you get the point I’m making here. This is certainly not how Kyle or Stormm or Dominator spend their day-offs.
Through all of this discussion I am having with myself apparently, David holds his right pointer finger to his right ear.
“Yo Ace, you have eyes on the target?” he asks.
After a crackle, the speaker on the other end of a small, two-way communicator answers.
“Yes sir. Scopes have the kid in sight, aiming right for the pink…gem?” Dark Ace says/asks.
“That is the correct terminology, yes.”
David moves the binoculars around the scene for a bit, just to get a scope of things.
A man wearing a fry-hat behind the counter of the fast-food stand.
A buff black man selling tickets to something with a big, fake smile on his face.
A small young woman in a black leather jacket talking to a pink-skinned, tall, skinny guy in a black trenchcoat.
Just a normal day now-a-days in Beach City.
I’m…I’m assuming. I don’t spend my days here, obviously. I’m not a fucking idiot like David is.
As David’s eyesight returns to the group playing in the distance, he finds his vision blocked.
By a blue-skinned woman in a dark blue top and blue loose pants.
This one he knows.
David lowers the binoculars, raising an eyebrow and looking straight into the eyes of a scowling Lapis Lazuli.
She only narrows her eyes in response.
Such riveting conversation.
David puts the binoculars on the table. He uses his left hand to grab the non-copyrighted Coca Cola from the table and take a sip from the straw.
He uses his right pointer finger to touch his ear.
“Ace, you mind moving your scope to my table?” he asks.
A few moments of pause while the two parties continue their stare down.
“I got her. I’m aiming right for the blue…would you call that a gem? It’s a tear drop, almost a crystal,” Ace says.
“They’re all called gems, Ace,” David says.
Lapis chooses now to speak.
“Except for the big four,” she says.
“Except for the giant ladies and the kid, I guess. Just…just keep her in your sights. If I wave to you, shoot her, we clear?” David asks.
“Crystal,” Ace says.
David sets the cup of non-copyright Coca Cola down on the table to pinch the bridge of his nose. He glances over at Lapis.
“Apologies, my partner just made a pun without realizing it,” he says.
“Oh shit, you’re right,” Ace says.
David takes the communicator out of his ear. He waves over to a teen in a red button-up shirt and curly yellow hair…shaped like fries.
I hate this dimension.
“Yo, Ronnie!”
The guy in question rushes over.
“Yes sir, David sir?” ‘Ronnie’ asks.
“Take this communicator. It’s from a different dimension. That should stave you off until the Council gets back to you on that job position,” David says.
‘Ronnie’ takes the communicator before offering a salute. He then runs off. He yells to the sky, holding the communicator up like a gift from the gods.
David stares on, shaking his head and chuckling.
When he turns back towards his guest, Lapis has an ice shard aimed at his neck.
Pleasant company, truly.
“Ease up on the icepicks Elsa, I have a trained sharpshooter aimed right at your gem,” he says. “Plus we’re in public. I know the concept is still new to some of you, but you’re an ally of Mr. Silver. Think like the bastard for a second.”
With a groan, Lapis lets the ice shard melt. The water hits the table and slides off.
Luckily for David, his swimtrunks and Hawaiian shirt combo actually fit in to the environment.
Still cold though.
“You do realize that you just gave Ronaldo of all people interdimensional tech, right?” she asks.
“Yes,” David says.
“And—wait, you offered him a job with the council?” Lapis screeches.
“Yes.”
“I am the council's ambassador for this dimension! You are aware they won’t even take a look at the application, right?”
“Yes. That’s why I put it in your name.”
Lapis growls, her hands clenched at her side.
“Oh please, give the kid a bit of hope. When it’s inevitably dashed he can join the club with me and Ace. Hopefully he won’t have to deal with years of sexual abuse like I did. I mean…unless you’re into that kind of thing.”
The growls get louder. Her eyes turn a deep cyan, the pupils disappearing. The tide on the beach starts rising pretty fast.
“Cause if you are I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
With one final grunt, Lapis lets her hands unclench. She closes her eyes, taking a few breaths. The tide returns to normal.
When she opens her eyes, they are missing their cyan abyss.
She takes a seat across from David, letting out a sigh.
“Yeah, see, there’s the bitter disappointment. You manage to take on somebody you don’t like, tell them off for being wrong, let them know you disagree, possibly get a bit violent, and then end up failing in the end despite all the confidence in the universe you'd succeed. With an attitude like that, you could be a wrestler in no time,” he says.
“Is this really all a joke to you?” Lapis asks.
“Not really. But I’ve gone through most of my life taking everything seriously. You think I’m here now because I want to be. My family hates me, my dad’s a cheating piece of shit—and on Goodwitch of all people,” David shudders. “Never getting that out of my head.”
Lapis raises an eyebrow at David’s small tangent.
“All three groups that deal with interdimensional shit want my ass, I’m working with a big bad who will probably destroy the Prime Dimension which will destroy mostly every other one, I’m hanging out with a guy I consider my brother after two or three years of not seeing each other, and I just found out that apparently my spirit is being shared with another entity. That’s all I know: another entity. Like, what kind of bullshit is that? That could be anything. It could be a wolf. That would be bad-ass, but the chances of there being a wolf in my spirit is probably pretty small. I’m goddamn awesome, but I’m not ‘my parents gave me a middle name of Daemon’ awesome.”
Lapis sighs once more.
“Are you always this arrogant?” she asks.
“Considering how many times I’ve been asked that, I’m going to assume the answer is yes,” he says whilst munching of a few fries.
After another sip of the non-copyright Coca Cola, David lets out a sigh of content.
“Of course, the whole story gets weird because the woman I love is still in love with another cheating piece of shit, and on her sister too, like…even I want to kick his ass, and he’s been dead for like a century. Not to mention that I just found out that having my life threatened in very specific details apparently gets me horny.”
“Ew,” Lapis says.
Her face pinches in on itself.
“Ew. Ew ew ew.”
“I know right!”
Unfortunately yes.
Yes I do.
“And here I am trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life. Wrestling is fun, but at the same time, being a freelance mercenary for hire is about all I’ve known in my life. I basically went to school to learn how for about six months before they kicked me out. I mean, shit, I’m 23 and faced more in my life than any of my opponents. Sure, Kyle’s got a rough go of it, but he’s always had his arrogance to fall back on. You think I’m arrogant? Check out that fucker. Dude won it last year competing three times in one night.
“Then there’s Stormm. Dude’s got experience and has his shit together. He’s been up-and-down with this company since at least 2006, and despite the gaps where the place closed down it’s quite obvious he’s a potential victor. Hell, both of them held the main two titles for nearly the exact same time. They’re like…made for each other or something, and not in a gay way like an eternal rival way. They’re like Goku and Vegeta if they actually spent time building their rivalry up beyond ‘oh I want to win but I never can’ and Goku just being a dumb-ass.”
So he’s like you only you don’t have the ability to turn into a blonde, steroid powered freak of nature.
“And that’s if I even beat Dominator, the big hoss of an opponent.”
I don’t even know why I bother.
“Never faced the guy before but my partner managed to go down to him so he must be at least mostly a threat. I gotta deal with this shit on top of trying to survive and figure out who I am. I’m 23 years old Lapis! What is this shit?” David yells out.
Lapis just kinda glares at him.
She begins, “Three things. One: I have no idea who any of those people are or what you’re referring to. We don’t get your dimension’s channels here so I’m a bit behind on wrestling. Like…2015 behind.
“Second: I spent a few millennia trapped in a mirror because I was a threat. So if you think you have it bad, than let me take you to a few other dimensions.
“Third: why are you telling all of this to me?”
“Because it seemed to work well for Nathan the last time he was here,” David says.
“He almost shattered Steven!” Lapis yells.
“Almost. And yeah, that would suck, but I don’t really care. You’re out now, free with your tyrants watching over you as spectators while you’re friends with the people who trapped you there in the first place. Meanwhile, I’m free with my two best friends and a lizard creature that’s threatening to destroy all of reality while an ‘entity’ resides as another part of my spirit. I’m not saying you don'thave it bad, but I am saying your perspectives don’t counteract my experience.”
Lapis slams her forehead on the table. This shakes the drink and fries around.
“I give up,” she says. “What do you want?”
“To be honest? Nothing. Noxorus gave us a week off because apparently he almost has everything he needs. I just figured I’d come see the one person who might have a semblance of what I’m going through. Speaking of semblances, have you seen Qrow around here?” David asks.
“Why would Qrow be here?” Lapis asks, muffled by the table.
“I haven’t seen him since I got arrested. I’m assuming he’s back on Remnant, but he likes to dimension hop,” David says.
Lapis lifts her head, staring across the table at David.
“No. No he is not here. Nor should you be,” she says.
“Yeah, I know. Look, all I need is some advice here. My life’s a shit-show, but I’ve lived through shit-shows before,” David says.
“Ignoring the problems by moving on from them doesn’t erase their existence.”
Thank you!
“Yeah yeah, anyway…”
Lapis slaps her hand against her forehead.
For the record, I do too.
“…you got any advice for taking on a guy more arrogant than me and a guy with the experience of a veteran soldier?”
“Focus on expanding their weaknesses to get them pissed and utilize your youth and ability to survive, respectively,” Lapis deadpans.
“That easy?” David asks, raising an eyebrow.
“It can be. There’s too many factors you haven’t defined, but if this guy is as arrogant as you say he is—and it just…scared me to think about how arrogant that is—he knows his weaknesses and negatives. You exacerbate those and he’ll get angrier by the minute. Angry fighter, sloppy fighter, yadda yadda. As for the other guy? You’re 23! You can come up with shit on the fly nobody can think of! I hate to compliment you, but you didn’t survive this long with just your choice of allies or your ego-driven personality. You’re smart, believe it or not.”
I don’t.
“You do things most people wouldn’t do. You come up with things that get the job done but leave people shaking their head in disbelief. Kiss the guy if you have to. Kiss the ref and kick the other guy in the nuts. I don’t know, start jackin it in the middle of the ring.”
This is not a sight I needed in my life.
“Stormm is fairly attractive…” David says, scratching his chin in though.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
In what is becoming fairly common place around David, Lapis releases a sigh.
“Look. The moment you leave this dimension I hope I never see you again. I don’t like you. You’re too cocky for your own good, but the worst part is that you can back it up in a fight. If I had to go to war, I’d like to be on the battlefield on your side. At least I know most of us would survive,” she says. “Now, if you don’t mind, could you get that sniper off me?”
“Oh he’s been off you for like five minutes,” David says.
Lapis narrows her eyes and scrunches her lips together.
“He’s been hanging out by that pizza place behind you flirting with one of the waitresses.”
Lapis turns around, focusing her ire on Dark Ace in the distance. He is, indeed, sitting in front of a pizza stand, talking to a black waitress in an apron. She’s hugging the pizza tray to her chest and jiving a bit with her knees, as if they could crumple to the ground at any minute.
Lapis turns back around.
“Kiki’s 16.”
With that, David copies her exact face: narrowed eyes, scrunched lips.
He raises a hand, holding up a pointer finger, than his palm towards Ace, then his pointer finger again.
Lapis glances back at Ace, whose eyes widen. He straightens his posture.
After a few more words of conversation, the waitress—Kiki—walks back towards the stand. Her head is down, clearly disappointed.
Lapis looks over to David.
“Look, while I can’t really advise what you should do considering you’d probably just fuck it up worse…”
She’s not wrong.
“…I think you should really think about what you want to do. You’ve been doing this for a decade now. Most people don’t live past five years, and they start a lot later than you did, with a lot less baggage. You’re an anomaly, and if that…entity inside of you gets any worse, figure out what it is and find somebody who can help you. I’ve dealt with friends who’ve had split personalities. It’s not a fun day at the beach.”
“Heh, I get it,” David says.
He tries to take another sip of the non-copyright Coca Cola, but finds it is empty.
“Shit. Hey, you know where I can get some cheap booze around here? I’m all out and for some reason I’ve been craving them the last few months,” he says.
Lapis’ eyes widen at this remark.
“What kind of cheap booze?” she asks.
“Find it at the convenience store in a six-pack for a dollar on the bottom shelf.”
Once again, Lapis slaps her hand against her forehead.
“Oh no…” she moans.
“What? Was it something I said?” David asks.
“You’ve met Nathan and Nio right?” Lapis asks.
“Yes?” more questions from David.
“Okay, so I need you to brace for impact here.”
David raises an eyebrow.
Lapis continues, “I’m pretty sure…the other entity inside of you…is one of nine creators of the universe who came to Earth twenty or so years ago.”
David just stares at Lapis, seemingly frozen, and not by her hydrokinesis, just by paralysis of shock.
He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out, so he just closes it again.
“I think you’ll have to track down Nathan. And…I hate to say this…but I know where to find him,” Lapis says.
“Yeah, cool. I’m pretty sure Revy’s going to find out and try and kill me for shooting her boy toy,” David says.
“Meanwhile,” Ace says, now appearing behind their table. “I have to go back Noxorus’ base.”
David and Lapis slam their heads down on the table.
“So in the end,” Lapis starts.
“We're fucked,” David finishes.
Whilst the two of them moan and stew in their collective deflation, Ace reaches over and nabs a fry from the basket.
