Return of the Nanny (not McPhee You Fools) (vs. Kyle/Stormm)
Jun 17, 2019 16:37:45 GMT -5
Kyle Shane and Gerard Angelo like this
Post by David Hunter on Jun 17, 2019 16:37:45 GMT -5
“Hey Argit?”
“Yeah David?”
“Do you see a yellow whale with a purple unicorn and sharp teeth over there?”
“No I do not.”
“Hey Argit?”
“Yeah David?”
“I think I’ve somehow gained wizard eyes.”
After losing his match at Living a Legacy and being kind of taken away by EMT’s, it’s suffice to say that David hasn’t taken it well.
He dragged himself back to his apartment, and after wafting away a good amount of dust left over from his long-term absence, he sat himself down at the kitchen bar. Lucky for him, Argit had stopped by earlier and was waiting for David. With Dark Ace back out on assignment by Noxorus, Argit figured it’d be a good idea to talk to David about that ‘other entity’ presently ingrained as part of his soul…or spirit, whatever.
What he found was David drinking a tall glass (and by the unknown do I mean tall, like plastic, take from Bubba Gump Shrimp, light up fancy colors tall) of his signature creation: some poorly made black coffee mixed with some cheap-ass beer.
The last time David had something like this was in front of the love of his life, but he was so shocked by its taste and ability to wake somebody up that he didn’t really glance around at his surroundings. This time, however, David is in a position to do so.
Apparently it gives you wizard eyes.
For those unaware, wizard eyes is a very rare ability that only the most powerful wizards can obtain…by losing the vast majority of their sanity. It’s a catch-22, monkey’s paw thing. You’re able to see so much that a lot of people could never hope to see.
Unfortunately a lot of it is just fantastical, magical creatures that are usually pretty pointless.
So where does that leave David?
Mostly just kind of stuck here until they go away.
Argit, to his credit, bothers to look at the concoction on the kitchen bar.
“Okay, officially putting a ban on this…drink?” he asks.
In response, David just grasps it and takes a hefty gulp.
Argit shakes his head in disappointment.
David sets the glass down, his eyes widening at what is revealed to him now that his eyes are akin to those of an insane yet powerful magic man.
“Are you at least conscious enough to talk about this…thing that’s part of your soul?” Argit asks.
“Maybe. It depends on where this goes. Quite frankly I’m more interested in talking about wrestling right now,” David says.
“Later. Right now we need to get through this, okay?”
David sighs, taking yet another heaping helping of the concoction on the counter.
He sets it down, more than half the drink having been swallowed.
What would Angelica say now?
“I’d imagine Angel would be fairly disappointed,” David says.
“Wait what?” Argit asks.
Wait what?
“Who…are you talking to?” the porcupine alien asks.
You can actually hear me?
“Well yeah…not sure where you are though. Are you that orange octopus whose top looks like a neon green hooka smoker thing that’s trying to eat Argit’s head?”
Argit slaps his head a few times, shrieking and trying to keep from being swallowed by something he can’t even see.
Good thing it’s not on his plane of existence.
“It’s fine Argit, he’s not on this plane of existence,” David says.
This is getting confusing.
“You’re telling me? I’m sitting here with wizard eyes staring at a bunch of colorful creatures and I’m hearing an omnipotent voice calling down to me.”
The bathroom door suddenly opens. Argit and David glance over to see none other than Mary Poppins walking out. Her heels click on the floor as she stands tall next to the door…
…before coughing out a bit. She closes the bathroom door, waving away the draft with her black hat as she trots towards the two boys.
“Oops. Sorry about that Miss P,” Argit says.
He pokes his pointer fingers together, looking sheepish.
Looking guilty can only get you so far.
“Agreed,” Miss Poppins says.
Looped around her right arm is Henry, having apparently been returned home when Noxorus was done using the Sorting Hat. Mary's places her own back on her head.
“Never did get why he needed that…” David says.
“Okay, seriously? Both of you now? What am I missing here?” Argit asks.
“Argit, please. Don’t dwell on it too much,” Miss Poppins says. “You never were one for the magical anyway.”
“You’re goddamn right! All magic does is make things easier against those who aren’t gifted with it. It’s cheating!” Argit exclaims.
“Here, here,” David mumbles, his eyes glazed over and focusing on a purple centipede with a yellow head staring wide-eyed at the trio.
Miss Poppins lets out a sigh, focusing her attention on the two………males in front of her.
“David, are you really going to devolve so far that you’d drink this…formula again? Remember what happened last time?” she asks.
“I’m pretty sure Animo’s still pulling shards of glass out of his back,” David says with no ounce of remorse or guilt.
Argit and Miss Poppins both grimace at this bit of news.
“Yes, well…is a loss in a wrestling match really worth busting out the, for lack of a better term, big guns?” she asks..
“Ah man, thanks for the reminder. As if dealing with this entity in my soul, the love of my life loving a cheating bastard, my dad also being a cheating bastard and an all-around piece of shit, and my whole world slowly crumbling away until I’m nothing but a pathetic excuse for a human…well, more so than usual anyway wasn't enough, I also have to confront my overall failure at the one source of joy I might have. Not only did I lose in the first round but I got eviscerated by Kyle verbally and then torn apart physically by Dominator. If anything this drink is just a painkiller to numb it all long enough for me crash and regret it tomorrow.
“But it’s fine! We’re all having fun here, right? Everybody enjoys insulting each other until they regret everything they’ve done in life and then following it up by nearly killing the other in the ring, and for what? If you win you get something, but if you lose you’re left with the fact that even if you give it all and you think you can finally win and amount to something…it won’t mean a fucking thing. It’d be fine if I knew where I went wrong, but even if I change shit up it’s clear that my best isn’t good enough for these assholes. Is it even my best? I don’t know, there’s no basis for comparison.”
Argit and Miss Poppins stare at David, the former raising an eyebrow.
“Are…are we still talking about wrestling?” the former asks.
“David, please. You are a 23-year old young man with a lot of life left to live. Your recent encounters might have left you disappointed, but it’s best to think on the positive side of things,” Miss Poppins says.
"Monty Python! Nice!" Argit inputs.
“The positive side of things? What in the goddamn—”
Before he can finish, Miss Poppins starts a tune. The accompaniment can be heard despite no instruments being present.
Magic: the answer to most bullshit.
“Even if your life is such a sad sack of sooorrow…think about what all there is to do tomooorrow.”
She walks over towards the counter, grabbing the drink in front of David.
“You can sit and drown yourself in many drinks and clown yourself, but all that will leave you is dead.”
The instruments drop.
“Shit…” Argit mutters.
They come back.
“It’s time to think on everything but dread. Like…you have friends who love you despite all your proooblems.”
She starts to walk around the room with some of the ‘wizard eyes’ creatures smiling and dancing into tune. She opens Henry, twirling him a bit.
“You have brothers and support who’ll help you sooolve ‘em. You think just because you’re young that all the lyrics have been sung, but David, let me tell you without tact.”
Henry’s handle pops forward, looking directly at David.
“You aren’t shit boy and that’s a fuckin fact,” he says.
David raises his right eyebrow as Mary makes the drink disappear. Literally disappear. Like, wave of the hand, poof, it’s gone.
The instruments continue to play even as they start to speak normally.
“David, you are a bright young man, but you put too much of everything on you. I know you like to blame your father for a lot of things, and duly so, but one thing you can’t blame him for is the situation you are presently in,” Mary says.
“Are you talking about the child abuse or the invasion of my soul?” David asks.
“Neither, you dumb-ass,” Argit says. “Joining up with Mercury and Wuya, joining up with Noxorus, confronting Max just to find Angelica, Angelica saying no, and all of the wrestling stuff on top it? That’s on you.”
The music starts to pick back up as Argit begins to si—
“Wait, no,” David mutters.
“I love you like a brother but I have to saaay this. You’re a smart guy but with work you are a saaadist.”
Argit hops onto the counter, pointing at David with one of his claws.
“Take a break or a vacation, maybe stop with animation, and look back and see that she is right!”
“Thank you,” Mary says.
Argit boops in David in the nose.
“Cause at this point you’re spoiling for a fight,” he says.
Argit hops off the counter, the music fading back once more.
“While I agree that your attempts to get back in the game were worth it, the idea that you had to do it in the first place was stupid. Do you know why Dark Ace accepted Noxorus’ offer?” he asks.
“Because he wanted to see Cyclonis again like a weirdo?” David asks.
“Ace wasn’t the one who popped a boner” because Cyclonis threatened to kill him!
Both Argit and I mention that in unison, which is a bitch to figure out how to format correctly.
The music fades back in.
David begins, “Appreciations all around, but please just shuuut-up. Realize you’re dealing with a foolish fuuuck-up? While I get that I need help I do not need a knock-off Yelp just telling me that I am not a name. I get enough of that from fucking Kyle Shane.”
The music begins to louder as all three stare at each other.
“You’re impossible to work with since you joined with Nox’ crew,” Argit sings.
“And if I may just say, David, you’re simply not you,” Mary sings.
“You’ve changed too much, it’s hard to cope,” Argit.
“Though through it all, we all do hope,” Mary.
“That maybe soon you’ll take a break,” Argit bemoans.
Henry twirls himself around, glaring over at David.
“And stop this shit, cause for fuck’s sake,” the umbrella says.
“I’m sorry David, that we must be blunt,” Mary says.
David stands up, tipping over the stool he was resting in. As it hits the floor, he speaks the final lines.
“I don’t need help from a rodent and a cunt.”
The music kind of record scratches into the nothingness.
The ‘wizard eyes’ creatures stop dancing. In fact, they all show some sort of semblance of a frown.
Argit looks at David, then at Mary…and his eyes widen.
Miss Poppins…well, to say it’s a glare would be underselling it. Her eyes are matching with David’s, although David’s own pointed glare seems to fade as the milliseconds pass.
Mistakes were made…is not enough to clarify the anger and killing intent radiating off the usually poise and proper and calm Mary Poppins.
David opens his mouth, but Henry is already flying out of her hand. The umbrella slams directly into David’s forehead. He falls backwards, the back of his head falling against the floor, destroying the stool he was previously sitting on.
Argit crawls onto the counter, looking over at a now unconscious David.
“Argit,” Miss Poppins says.
“Yes?” Argit squeaks, turning back to see Mary taking off her jacket.
“Josh,” Miss Poppins says.
Oh, wait, that’s me.
Yes Miss Poppins?
“If you could both make sure this remains as locked up in your brains as possible, I would be forever indebted to you both,” she says.
Argit looks up to the ceiling, seemingly trying to match my eyes.
Yeah, sure, I guess we go through some level of cosmos or universes or dimensions, whatever just to match eyes.
He looks back towards the never-ending nanny, nodding his head repeatedly.
You have my vote of confidence Miss Poppins.
“Splendid. Argit, would you mind leaving us be? I’d like to have a few words alone with Mr. Hunter please,” she says.
Says, hah! Commands, more like.
“Ooh, last name, huh? Yeah, I’ll go find something else to do,” Argit says.
“Thank you kindly.”
----------------------------------------------------------
When David eventually wakes up, it’s not exactly the most splendid of experiences.
Okay, I need to stop underrating things. His wizard eyes are gone, but he has the unfortunate displeasure of a brand new hangover.
He’s still in his apartment, although he’s now tied to a chair with some slowly tightening rope keeping him in place.
The lights are off, but there is a stream of bright white light, mostly kept alight by a couple well placed balls of lumos (magical spell for lighting for those unaware).
And to top it all off, Mary Poppins is staring a hole through David with a fierce glare and a hell of a bunch of killing intent. She also is only wearing her white blouse and black skirt. Her hair is pinned up in an easy ponytail while her heels are off.
‘Oof’ would be another understatement.
“Indeed, Mr. Spicer,” Miss Poppins says.
Oh, she’s pissed.
“Indeed…” her eyes narrow at David.
“I can’t hear him anymore, so that must mean it’s out of my system,” the young man himself says.
I will most certainly miss his pleasant decorum.
“Really?” Mary asks, actually fairly incredulous about it.
Sarcasm.
“Ah…”
“So then Mary…you’ve got me tied up and at a severe disadvantage. So long as you don’t start singing again, I think I’m ready to talk,” David says.
“Excellent. For starters, I want a sincere apology for that horrifying word you called me,” she says.
“Oh yeah. That. I’m sorry about that. I was so frustrated by everything that—” he is promptly interrupted by a whack to the head courtesy of Henry.
“No excuses now,” Miss Poppins says. “I raised you better than that.”
“You raised me better than anybody, besides Mom, anyway. The competition isn’t that fierce, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t regret what I said. That was too far, and I am so sorry I called you that.”
Miss Poppins places Henry on the floor, tip pointed to the carpet below. He stands up on his own, his own passive glare pointed as David.
“Next on the list is your relationship with one Angelica Schuyler,” she says.
David lets out a groan, which is quickly subdued by the nanny, now in full-on caretaker mode.
“David, the sooner we get through this, the sooner you can return to skulking and regretting your life choices.”
“What do you want to ask?”
“Clearly your intentions with her are noble, however, her heart belongs to somebody else. David, you should know my now that once a woman’s heart is set on something, or in this case, someone it will take nothing short of a miracle for her to stray from it. I understand you are in love with Ms. Schuyler, not that I can blame you. She’s smart, witty, a great speaker, and quite frankly an amazing watcher of her figure.
“However, even with all those aspects, and even with my understanding of your attraction, you have to learn to let her go. She’s one of the few people in this world who can make you listen to reason. I don’t see you wanting to be together with me or Dark Ace, now do I?”
Even with compliments and praises, David really can't help himself.
“I dunno, Dark Ace is pretty hot, in that weird, emo kind of way,” David says.
Miss Poppins just looks at David, locking with his eyes but saying nothing more.
“Yeah, fair enough,” he says.
“What about this other woman? This…Cyclonis…person. From what I understand there might be something there to investigate. When I talked to Ace, he made it seem like it might’ve been mutual,” she says.
David cringes, his face showing the obvious discomfort. From what specifically I couldn’t tell you, but I’m assuming it has something to do with the last time the two of them met.
For the record, I’m never letting him live that down.
“Only a stronger man would, Josh,” Miss Poppins says to me before returning her attention to the person under her employ. “But David, why the face?”
“Feels weird talking about this with you. No offense, but I’d rather leave that particular topic in the past,” David says.
Mary shakes her head. David shrugs, letting the topic fade away.
“Alright, but if discussing a sexual relationship with me is bothersome than you’re going to loathe, hopefully, talking about that entity inside of you,” she says.
David raises an eyebrow, his face returning to normal.
“Wait…why?” he asks.
Miss Poppins smirks.
Let me repeat that.
Miss Poppins smirks.
“Before we get to that, let’s discuss your nasty business with this Noxorus fellow. It is quite clear a part of you is regretting joining with him. Given the nature of your contract—freelance work and all—what’s stopping you from dropping it?”
Instead of responding with words, David leans forward a little bit. It’s somewhat restrained given the ropes that continue to tighten around him, but all the same, his idea of this being…ridiculous, let’s say, comes across plain to see.
“Mary, we are talking about the biggest big bad any dimension has ever seen. Worse than the Skeloton King. Worse than Ganon before he wizened up. Worse than Vilgax. I don’t know if that bears repeating, but let me remind you that Vilgax damn near destroyed the entire universe…twice…and he almost succeeded…twice! I don’t think you’ve fully comprehended the level that Noxorus stands at here. He’s got a litany of villains willing to serve him, and it’s just because they recognize the power he has. I’m in no position to barter with him.”
Miss Poppins covers her mouth, trying to stifle a fake yawn.
David’s right eye twitches.
He definitely didn’t hold up on the italics.
“Pish posh. You’ve messed with one big bad, you’ve messed with them all. The only difference is that this one has the Council scared. Bunch of slow-minded idiots if you ask me. The smartest one there is the pale Spicer and he’s just there for the money,” Mary says. “Fifty pounds says he’d leave if it meant he could go back to Tohomiko Industries.”
“Mary, with all due respect, and we both know there isn’t a lot of it, I don’t think you understand what you’re talking about,” David says.
“Agree to disagree.”
“What? No! There is no agree to disagree! I leave this guy, my ass would be found in a ditch!”
“Oh please, they have more dignity than that. It’s more than likely they’d post your corpse up for everyone to see.”
“Your confidence is noted,” David deadpans.
“And yet, somehow, you were more concerned about your wrestling career,” Mary says.
“Well yeah, but—”
He pauses, his mouth still agape.
And as if hell was frozen over enough, for the second time, Mary smirks.
“And that is what I’m here for. Even if for only two days in the month, you consider wrestling more important than whatever form of shenanigans you are a part of. Angelica? A flash in the pan. Cylconis? The blood never moved. Your father? Nothing but a daydream. This entity inside of you? Nothing to worry about. When the time comes, you continue coming back to this wrestling thing because to you, it’s the most important thing in the world.”
Some instruments start to play, again magically stuck in the environment and almost fused within the air itself, and for once, David doesn’t even react.
David Hunter is fucking speechless.
My God, hell is the arctic at this point.
“You think just because you are important…that means that you are forced to face the world. That even through this awful mess you take these negatives as a bless-ing and decide what needs to be unfurled.”
David looks down to the floor, soaking in her lyrics.
“Your role in this game is a big one. You’re an icon to many who wish to play. But David, you’re 23, you should still be plenty free to decide what kind of man you wish to stay.”
Using the tip of her umbrella, Miss Poppins raises David’s face until they lock eyes.
“Forgive me for my honesty, but honestly, it’s probably, just because you think the world is on your shooooulderrrs. I think this takes the cake, but I told you take a break. Worry about life when you are ooooolderrrrr.”
Taking Henry in her grasp, he baps David on top of the head. Lightly and in jest, yet enough for him to wince.
She rolls Henry’s hook so that it hangs off her arm.
“You consider all these fights your biggest passion. It just so happens that I can disagree. You’re a vet inside a boy, and yet, I find a ploy, because I know what David Hunter is to me.”
David raises his right eyebrow, curious as to the direction the song is taking.
“Arrogant, no doubt, yet kindhearted. A mouth worth some soap to fill the gums. He’ll make you feel like you’re worthless, but in the end, you’ll find your purpose, because he’ll irk you to submission ‘till you’re numb.”
David shakes his head, something of a smile actually adorning his face.
“Forgive me for my honesty, but honestly, it’s probably, just because you think the world is on your shooooulderrrrs.”
She puts both her hands onto both David’s shoulders.
“I think this takes the cake, but I told you take a break. Worry about life when you are oooooolderrrr.”
She lets him go, allowing the music to fade a bit into the background.
“David…I may not be your mother. I may not know you as well as Ace or Argit. I may not know your style of fighting or other…things about you like that wench, Wuya. But I’d like to think I know plenty about David Hunter the person. I was your nanny, after all.”
The music begins to come back, allowing Mary to finish.
“Forgive me for my intrusion, but my inclusion, in conclusion, is to get you to understand that you are coooldeerrrr. You’ve got some growing up to do, and knowing you, showing up to do….whatever it is when you are oooooooolderrrrrrr.”
The instruments conclude the song, sending it away with some horns and drums.
When the music disappears, all that’s left is Mary Poppins, standing over David. The ropes around him disappear, allowing David to join her in standing.
“Now…” Mary says.
David looks up at her, for once confused as to what to do.
“About that entity inside of you. Mr. Pedrosa informed me that it’s fairly similar to the Creators, Diego and Nio in particular. Lucky for you, I have history with one.”
“Who? I was under the impression they were the only two still alive,” David says.
“Oh, David. Don’t believe everything Diego tells you. You see, while one of them was recovering from a particular nasty encounter with Nio, I sought fit to help them. And…let’s just say that we…grew close,” she says.
Mary, for all her poise, proper or otherwise, looks away, a touch of red hitting her cheeks.
David hones in on it, and par for the course, puts his input in.
“Mary Poppins…” the awful cockney accent forming in David’s voice. “Are we growing bolder with our clients?”
Mary slaps David in the arm.
“David, stop,” she says, the blush getting worse.
“I knew your interest in females was unique, but Miss Poppins, I never expected something so risk taking.”
A small smile forms on her face which she tries, and fails, to hide with her right hand.
“David please…”
“Imagine that, Mary Poppins forming a relationship with one of her watches. Imagine what the Ministry would say. Oh, Bert would have a field day with this!”
“Yeah David?”
“Do you see a yellow whale with a purple unicorn and sharp teeth over there?”
“No I do not.”
“Hey Argit?”
“Yeah David?”
“I think I’ve somehow gained wizard eyes.”
After losing his match at Living a Legacy and being kind of taken away by EMT’s, it’s suffice to say that David hasn’t taken it well.
He dragged himself back to his apartment, and after wafting away a good amount of dust left over from his long-term absence, he sat himself down at the kitchen bar. Lucky for him, Argit had stopped by earlier and was waiting for David. With Dark Ace back out on assignment by Noxorus, Argit figured it’d be a good idea to talk to David about that ‘other entity’ presently ingrained as part of his soul…or spirit, whatever.
What he found was David drinking a tall glass (and by the unknown do I mean tall, like plastic, take from Bubba Gump Shrimp, light up fancy colors tall) of his signature creation: some poorly made black coffee mixed with some cheap-ass beer.
The last time David had something like this was in front of the love of his life, but he was so shocked by its taste and ability to wake somebody up that he didn’t really glance around at his surroundings. This time, however, David is in a position to do so.
Apparently it gives you wizard eyes.
For those unaware, wizard eyes is a very rare ability that only the most powerful wizards can obtain…by losing the vast majority of their sanity. It’s a catch-22, monkey’s paw thing. You’re able to see so much that a lot of people could never hope to see.
Unfortunately a lot of it is just fantastical, magical creatures that are usually pretty pointless.
So where does that leave David?
Mostly just kind of stuck here until they go away.
Argit, to his credit, bothers to look at the concoction on the kitchen bar.
“Okay, officially putting a ban on this…drink?” he asks.
In response, David just grasps it and takes a hefty gulp.
Argit shakes his head in disappointment.
David sets the glass down, his eyes widening at what is revealed to him now that his eyes are akin to those of an insane yet powerful magic man.
“Are you at least conscious enough to talk about this…thing that’s part of your soul?” Argit asks.
“Maybe. It depends on where this goes. Quite frankly I’m more interested in talking about wrestling right now,” David says.
“Later. Right now we need to get through this, okay?”
David sighs, taking yet another heaping helping of the concoction on the counter.
He sets it down, more than half the drink having been swallowed.
What would Angelica say now?
“I’d imagine Angel would be fairly disappointed,” David says.
“Wait what?” Argit asks.
Wait what?
“Who…are you talking to?” the porcupine alien asks.
You can actually hear me?
“Well yeah…not sure where you are though. Are you that orange octopus whose top looks like a neon green hooka smoker thing that’s trying to eat Argit’s head?”
Argit slaps his head a few times, shrieking and trying to keep from being swallowed by something he can’t even see.
Good thing it’s not on his plane of existence.
“It’s fine Argit, he’s not on this plane of existence,” David says.
This is getting confusing.
“You’re telling me? I’m sitting here with wizard eyes staring at a bunch of colorful creatures and I’m hearing an omnipotent voice calling down to me.”
The bathroom door suddenly opens. Argit and David glance over to see none other than Mary Poppins walking out. Her heels click on the floor as she stands tall next to the door…
…before coughing out a bit. She closes the bathroom door, waving away the draft with her black hat as she trots towards the two boys.
“Oops. Sorry about that Miss P,” Argit says.
He pokes his pointer fingers together, looking sheepish.
Looking guilty can only get you so far.
“Agreed,” Miss Poppins says.
Looped around her right arm is Henry, having apparently been returned home when Noxorus was done using the Sorting Hat. Mary's places her own back on her head.
“Never did get why he needed that…” David says.
“Okay, seriously? Both of you now? What am I missing here?” Argit asks.
“Argit, please. Don’t dwell on it too much,” Miss Poppins says. “You never were one for the magical anyway.”
“You’re goddamn right! All magic does is make things easier against those who aren’t gifted with it. It’s cheating!” Argit exclaims.
“Here, here,” David mumbles, his eyes glazed over and focusing on a purple centipede with a yellow head staring wide-eyed at the trio.
Miss Poppins lets out a sigh, focusing her attention on the two………males in front of her.
“David, are you really going to devolve so far that you’d drink this…formula again? Remember what happened last time?” she asks.
“I’m pretty sure Animo’s still pulling shards of glass out of his back,” David says with no ounce of remorse or guilt.
Argit and Miss Poppins both grimace at this bit of news.
“Yes, well…is a loss in a wrestling match really worth busting out the, for lack of a better term, big guns?” she asks..
“Ah man, thanks for the reminder. As if dealing with this entity in my soul, the love of my life loving a cheating bastard, my dad also being a cheating bastard and an all-around piece of shit, and my whole world slowly crumbling away until I’m nothing but a pathetic excuse for a human…well, more so than usual anyway wasn't enough, I also have to confront my overall failure at the one source of joy I might have. Not only did I lose in the first round but I got eviscerated by Kyle verbally and then torn apart physically by Dominator. If anything this drink is just a painkiller to numb it all long enough for me crash and regret it tomorrow.
“But it’s fine! We’re all having fun here, right? Everybody enjoys insulting each other until they regret everything they’ve done in life and then following it up by nearly killing the other in the ring, and for what? If you win you get something, but if you lose you’re left with the fact that even if you give it all and you think you can finally win and amount to something…it won’t mean a fucking thing. It’d be fine if I knew where I went wrong, but even if I change shit up it’s clear that my best isn’t good enough for these assholes. Is it even my best? I don’t know, there’s no basis for comparison.”
Argit and Miss Poppins stare at David, the former raising an eyebrow.
“Are…are we still talking about wrestling?” the former asks.
“David, please. You are a 23-year old young man with a lot of life left to live. Your recent encounters might have left you disappointed, but it’s best to think on the positive side of things,” Miss Poppins says.
"Monty Python! Nice!" Argit inputs.
“The positive side of things? What in the goddamn—”
Before he can finish, Miss Poppins starts a tune. The accompaniment can be heard despite no instruments being present.
Magic: the answer to most bullshit.
“Even if your life is such a sad sack of sooorrow…think about what all there is to do tomooorrow.”
She walks over towards the counter, grabbing the drink in front of David.
“You can sit and drown yourself in many drinks and clown yourself, but all that will leave you is dead.”
The instruments drop.
“Shit…” Argit mutters.
They come back.
“It’s time to think on everything but dread. Like…you have friends who love you despite all your proooblems.”
She starts to walk around the room with some of the ‘wizard eyes’ creatures smiling and dancing into tune. She opens Henry, twirling him a bit.
“You have brothers and support who’ll help you sooolve ‘em. You think just because you’re young that all the lyrics have been sung, but David, let me tell you without tact.”
Henry’s handle pops forward, looking directly at David.
“You aren’t shit boy and that’s a fuckin fact,” he says.
David raises his right eyebrow as Mary makes the drink disappear. Literally disappear. Like, wave of the hand, poof, it’s gone.
The instruments continue to play even as they start to speak normally.
“David, you are a bright young man, but you put too much of everything on you. I know you like to blame your father for a lot of things, and duly so, but one thing you can’t blame him for is the situation you are presently in,” Mary says.
“Are you talking about the child abuse or the invasion of my soul?” David asks.
“Neither, you dumb-ass,” Argit says. “Joining up with Mercury and Wuya, joining up with Noxorus, confronting Max just to find Angelica, Angelica saying no, and all of the wrestling stuff on top it? That’s on you.”
The music starts to pick back up as Argit begins to si—
“Wait, no,” David mutters.
“I love you like a brother but I have to saaay this. You’re a smart guy but with work you are a saaadist.”
Argit hops onto the counter, pointing at David with one of his claws.
“Take a break or a vacation, maybe stop with animation, and look back and see that she is right!”
“Thank you,” Mary says.
Argit boops in David in the nose.
“Cause at this point you’re spoiling for a fight,” he says.
Argit hops off the counter, the music fading back once more.
“While I agree that your attempts to get back in the game were worth it, the idea that you had to do it in the first place was stupid. Do you know why Dark Ace accepted Noxorus’ offer?” he asks.
“Because he wanted to see Cyclonis again like a weirdo?” David asks.
“Ace wasn’t the one who popped a boner” because Cyclonis threatened to kill him!
Both Argit and I mention that in unison, which is a bitch to figure out how to format correctly.
The music fades back in.
David begins, “Appreciations all around, but please just shuuut-up. Realize you’re dealing with a foolish fuuuck-up? While I get that I need help I do not need a knock-off Yelp just telling me that I am not a name. I get enough of that from fucking Kyle Shane.”
The music begins to louder as all three stare at each other.
“You’re impossible to work with since you joined with Nox’ crew,” Argit sings.
“And if I may just say, David, you’re simply not you,” Mary sings.
“You’ve changed too much, it’s hard to cope,” Argit.
“Though through it all, we all do hope,” Mary.
“That maybe soon you’ll take a break,” Argit bemoans.
Henry twirls himself around, glaring over at David.
“And stop this shit, cause for fuck’s sake,” the umbrella says.
“I’m sorry David, that we must be blunt,” Mary says.
David stands up, tipping over the stool he was resting in. As it hits the floor, he speaks the final lines.
“I don’t need help from a rodent and a cunt.”
The music kind of record scratches into the nothingness.
The ‘wizard eyes’ creatures stop dancing. In fact, they all show some sort of semblance of a frown.
Argit looks at David, then at Mary…and his eyes widen.
Miss Poppins…well, to say it’s a glare would be underselling it. Her eyes are matching with David’s, although David’s own pointed glare seems to fade as the milliseconds pass.
Mistakes were made…is not enough to clarify the anger and killing intent radiating off the usually poise and proper and calm Mary Poppins.
David opens his mouth, but Henry is already flying out of her hand. The umbrella slams directly into David’s forehead. He falls backwards, the back of his head falling against the floor, destroying the stool he was previously sitting on.
Argit crawls onto the counter, looking over at a now unconscious David.
“Argit,” Miss Poppins says.
“Yes?” Argit squeaks, turning back to see Mary taking off her jacket.
“Josh,” Miss Poppins says.
Oh, wait, that’s me.
Yes Miss Poppins?
“If you could both make sure this remains as locked up in your brains as possible, I would be forever indebted to you both,” she says.
Argit looks up to the ceiling, seemingly trying to match my eyes.
Yeah, sure, I guess we go through some level of cosmos or universes or dimensions, whatever just to match eyes.
He looks back towards the never-ending nanny, nodding his head repeatedly.
You have my vote of confidence Miss Poppins.
“Splendid. Argit, would you mind leaving us be? I’d like to have a few words alone with Mr. Hunter please,” she says.
Says, hah! Commands, more like.
“Ooh, last name, huh? Yeah, I’ll go find something else to do,” Argit says.
“Thank you kindly.”
----------------------------------------------------------
When David eventually wakes up, it’s not exactly the most splendid of experiences.
Okay, I need to stop underrating things. His wizard eyes are gone, but he has the unfortunate displeasure of a brand new hangover.
He’s still in his apartment, although he’s now tied to a chair with some slowly tightening rope keeping him in place.
The lights are off, but there is a stream of bright white light, mostly kept alight by a couple well placed balls of lumos (magical spell for lighting for those unaware).
And to top it all off, Mary Poppins is staring a hole through David with a fierce glare and a hell of a bunch of killing intent. She also is only wearing her white blouse and black skirt. Her hair is pinned up in an easy ponytail while her heels are off.
‘Oof’ would be another understatement.
“Indeed, Mr. Spicer,” Miss Poppins says.
Oh, she’s pissed.
“Indeed…” her eyes narrow at David.
“I can’t hear him anymore, so that must mean it’s out of my system,” the young man himself says.
I will most certainly miss his pleasant decorum.
“Really?” Mary asks, actually fairly incredulous about it.
Sarcasm.
“Ah…”
“So then Mary…you’ve got me tied up and at a severe disadvantage. So long as you don’t start singing again, I think I’m ready to talk,” David says.
“Excellent. For starters, I want a sincere apology for that horrifying word you called me,” she says.
“Oh yeah. That. I’m sorry about that. I was so frustrated by everything that—” he is promptly interrupted by a whack to the head courtesy of Henry.
“No excuses now,” Miss Poppins says. “I raised you better than that.”
“You raised me better than anybody, besides Mom, anyway. The competition isn’t that fierce, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t regret what I said. That was too far, and I am so sorry I called you that.”
Miss Poppins places Henry on the floor, tip pointed to the carpet below. He stands up on his own, his own passive glare pointed as David.
“Next on the list is your relationship with one Angelica Schuyler,” she says.
David lets out a groan, which is quickly subdued by the nanny, now in full-on caretaker mode.
“David, the sooner we get through this, the sooner you can return to skulking and regretting your life choices.”
“What do you want to ask?”
“Clearly your intentions with her are noble, however, her heart belongs to somebody else. David, you should know my now that once a woman’s heart is set on something, or in this case, someone it will take nothing short of a miracle for her to stray from it. I understand you are in love with Ms. Schuyler, not that I can blame you. She’s smart, witty, a great speaker, and quite frankly an amazing watcher of her figure.
“However, even with all those aspects, and even with my understanding of your attraction, you have to learn to let her go. She’s one of the few people in this world who can make you listen to reason. I don’t see you wanting to be together with me or Dark Ace, now do I?”
Even with compliments and praises, David really can't help himself.
“I dunno, Dark Ace is pretty hot, in that weird, emo kind of way,” David says.
Miss Poppins just looks at David, locking with his eyes but saying nothing more.
“Yeah, fair enough,” he says.
“What about this other woman? This…Cyclonis…person. From what I understand there might be something there to investigate. When I talked to Ace, he made it seem like it might’ve been mutual,” she says.
David cringes, his face showing the obvious discomfort. From what specifically I couldn’t tell you, but I’m assuming it has something to do with the last time the two of them met.
For the record, I’m never letting him live that down.
“Only a stronger man would, Josh,” Miss Poppins says to me before returning her attention to the person under her employ. “But David, why the face?”
“Feels weird talking about this with you. No offense, but I’d rather leave that particular topic in the past,” David says.
Mary shakes her head. David shrugs, letting the topic fade away.
“Alright, but if discussing a sexual relationship with me is bothersome than you’re going to loathe, hopefully, talking about that entity inside of you,” she says.
David raises an eyebrow, his face returning to normal.
“Wait…why?” he asks.
Miss Poppins smirks.
Let me repeat that.
Miss Poppins smirks.
“Before we get to that, let’s discuss your nasty business with this Noxorus fellow. It is quite clear a part of you is regretting joining with him. Given the nature of your contract—freelance work and all—what’s stopping you from dropping it?”
Instead of responding with words, David leans forward a little bit. It’s somewhat restrained given the ropes that continue to tighten around him, but all the same, his idea of this being…ridiculous, let’s say, comes across plain to see.
“Mary, we are talking about the biggest big bad any dimension has ever seen. Worse than the Skeloton King. Worse than Ganon before he wizened up. Worse than Vilgax. I don’t know if that bears repeating, but let me remind you that Vilgax damn near destroyed the entire universe…twice…and he almost succeeded…twice! I don’t think you’ve fully comprehended the level that Noxorus stands at here. He’s got a litany of villains willing to serve him, and it’s just because they recognize the power he has. I’m in no position to barter with him.”
Miss Poppins covers her mouth, trying to stifle a fake yawn.
David’s right eye twitches.
He definitely didn’t hold up on the italics.
“Pish posh. You’ve messed with one big bad, you’ve messed with them all. The only difference is that this one has the Council scared. Bunch of slow-minded idiots if you ask me. The smartest one there is the pale Spicer and he’s just there for the money,” Mary says. “Fifty pounds says he’d leave if it meant he could go back to Tohomiko Industries.”
“Mary, with all due respect, and we both know there isn’t a lot of it, I don’t think you understand what you’re talking about,” David says.
“Agree to disagree.”
“What? No! There is no agree to disagree! I leave this guy, my ass would be found in a ditch!”
“Oh please, they have more dignity than that. It’s more than likely they’d post your corpse up for everyone to see.”
“Your confidence is noted,” David deadpans.
“And yet, somehow, you were more concerned about your wrestling career,” Mary says.
“Well yeah, but—”
He pauses, his mouth still agape.
And as if hell was frozen over enough, for the second time, Mary smirks.
“And that is what I’m here for. Even if for only two days in the month, you consider wrestling more important than whatever form of shenanigans you are a part of. Angelica? A flash in the pan. Cylconis? The blood never moved. Your father? Nothing but a daydream. This entity inside of you? Nothing to worry about. When the time comes, you continue coming back to this wrestling thing because to you, it’s the most important thing in the world.”
Some instruments start to play, again magically stuck in the environment and almost fused within the air itself, and for once, David doesn’t even react.
David Hunter is fucking speechless.
My God, hell is the arctic at this point.
“You think just because you are important…that means that you are forced to face the world. That even through this awful mess you take these negatives as a bless-ing and decide what needs to be unfurled.”
David looks down to the floor, soaking in her lyrics.
“Your role in this game is a big one. You’re an icon to many who wish to play. But David, you’re 23, you should still be plenty free to decide what kind of man you wish to stay.”
Using the tip of her umbrella, Miss Poppins raises David’s face until they lock eyes.
“Forgive me for my honesty, but honestly, it’s probably, just because you think the world is on your shooooulderrrs. I think this takes the cake, but I told you take a break. Worry about life when you are ooooolderrrrr.”
Taking Henry in her grasp, he baps David on top of the head. Lightly and in jest, yet enough for him to wince.
She rolls Henry’s hook so that it hangs off her arm.
“You consider all these fights your biggest passion. It just so happens that I can disagree. You’re a vet inside a boy, and yet, I find a ploy, because I know what David Hunter is to me.”
David raises his right eyebrow, curious as to the direction the song is taking.
“Arrogant, no doubt, yet kindhearted. A mouth worth some soap to fill the gums. He’ll make you feel like you’re worthless, but in the end, you’ll find your purpose, because he’ll irk you to submission ‘till you’re numb.”
David shakes his head, something of a smile actually adorning his face.
“Forgive me for my honesty, but honestly, it’s probably, just because you think the world is on your shooooulderrrrs.”
She puts both her hands onto both David’s shoulders.
“I think this takes the cake, but I told you take a break. Worry about life when you are oooooolderrrr.”
She lets him go, allowing the music to fade a bit into the background.
“David…I may not be your mother. I may not know you as well as Ace or Argit. I may not know your style of fighting or other…things about you like that wench, Wuya. But I’d like to think I know plenty about David Hunter the person. I was your nanny, after all.”
The music begins to come back, allowing Mary to finish.
“Forgive me for my intrusion, but my inclusion, in conclusion, is to get you to understand that you are coooldeerrrr. You’ve got some growing up to do, and knowing you, showing up to do….whatever it is when you are oooooooolderrrrrrr.”
The instruments conclude the song, sending it away with some horns and drums.
When the music disappears, all that’s left is Mary Poppins, standing over David. The ropes around him disappear, allowing David to join her in standing.
“Now…” Mary says.
David looks up at her, for once confused as to what to do.
“About that entity inside of you. Mr. Pedrosa informed me that it’s fairly similar to the Creators, Diego and Nio in particular. Lucky for you, I have history with one.”
“Who? I was under the impression they were the only two still alive,” David says.
“Oh, David. Don’t believe everything Diego tells you. You see, while one of them was recovering from a particular nasty encounter with Nio, I sought fit to help them. And…let’s just say that we…grew close,” she says.
Mary, for all her poise, proper or otherwise, looks away, a touch of red hitting her cheeks.
David hones in on it, and par for the course, puts his input in.
“Mary Poppins…” the awful cockney accent forming in David’s voice. “Are we growing bolder with our clients?”
Mary slaps David in the arm.
“David, stop,” she says, the blush getting worse.
“I knew your interest in females was unique, but Miss Poppins, I never expected something so risk taking.”
A small smile forms on her face which she tries, and fails, to hide with her right hand.
“David please…”
“Imagine that, Mary Poppins forming a relationship with one of her watches. Imagine what the Ministry would say. Oh, Bert would have a field day with this!”
