Post by Rick Majors on Sept 23, 2019 20:07:59 GMT -5
The face I see in the mirror is never what I expect to see. In most cases, when I look at my reflection, I expect to see a man in his mid-30s, a man who has some life in his eyes, a man who can go out in public without someone asking "what's wrong?" with a concerned look on their face. What I actually see is a 48-year-old grey face staring back at me. The wrinkles are obvious. The receding hairline is evident. The colour is missing from my hair as much as it is lacking in my skin. My mouth is curved down in a permanent frown.
I try to stay away from mirrors.
But that doesn't mean I stay away from reflection. It just means that most of the time, when I look at myself, I'm looking inside. I'm looking at my soul. I'm looking at my mental state. I'm looking at a man who is damaged and worn down on the inside as he is on the outside.
Yet I can't just "stay away" from looking at this inner picture. I see it every day, in every quiet moment I have. When I close my eyes at night, the shattered human I have become is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. And it's the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up alone in an apartment loaded with so much poorly-assembled Ikea furniture that you'd think it belonged to a college student on a very tight budget.
This is who I am now. There's no running from it.
And there's no saving me. Turning to Seromine, or Jason Willard, or whoever he is this week, was hopeless. Even if he was the Lord, he couldn't have saved me. I am beyond saving. But Holden Ross? There might still be something in there that's worth rescuing. Or worth putting down for good. I'm not sure.
Holden turned to the deluded ramblings of a false God just like I did. In fact, I brought him to the alter. And now I have to face him in the ring for the Underground Title.
Gabriel held the Underground Title. It was the first championship that he - that I - won in PCW. Technically, Rick Majors has still not held a championship in this company. It might be nice to actually hold a title above my head with pride. I would feel good to win a belt for myself, not for "my Lord." But it won't feel good to have my head caved in by a madman.
I saw what he did to Elijah Dixon, what he did to Razor Blade. I witnessed how Holden and David Hunter destroyed Kyle Shane. All of those men are younger, stronger, faster, and more accomplished than I am. And they were ripped apart and hospitalized. Now I’m about to step into the ring with their murderer. He has only gotten stronger, more brutal, and more deadly since returning. This won’t be like the last time. This is going to hurt.
Maybe I should give my soul to the actual Lord.
I try to stay away from mirrors.
But that doesn't mean I stay away from reflection. It just means that most of the time, when I look at myself, I'm looking inside. I'm looking at my soul. I'm looking at my mental state. I'm looking at a man who is damaged and worn down on the inside as he is on the outside.
Yet I can't just "stay away" from looking at this inner picture. I see it every day, in every quiet moment I have. When I close my eyes at night, the shattered human I have become is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. And it's the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up alone in an apartment loaded with so much poorly-assembled Ikea furniture that you'd think it belonged to a college student on a very tight budget.
This is who I am now. There's no running from it.
And there's no saving me. Turning to Seromine, or Jason Willard, or whoever he is this week, was hopeless. Even if he was the Lord, he couldn't have saved me. I am beyond saving. But Holden Ross? There might still be something in there that's worth rescuing. Or worth putting down for good. I'm not sure.
Holden turned to the deluded ramblings of a false God just like I did. In fact, I brought him to the alter. And now I have to face him in the ring for the Underground Title.
Gabriel held the Underground Title. It was the first championship that he - that I - won in PCW. Technically, Rick Majors has still not held a championship in this company. It might be nice to actually hold a title above my head with pride. I would feel good to win a belt for myself, not for "my Lord." But it won't feel good to have my head caved in by a madman.
I saw what he did to Elijah Dixon, what he did to Razor Blade. I witnessed how Holden and David Hunter destroyed Kyle Shane. All of those men are younger, stronger, faster, and more accomplished than I am. And they were ripped apart and hospitalized. Now I’m about to step into the ring with their murderer. He has only gotten stronger, more brutal, and more deadly since returning. This won’t be like the last time. This is going to hurt.
Maybe I should give my soul to the actual Lord.