We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?
Oct 6, 2019 22:21:33 GMT -5
The Anarchist and Gerard Angelo like this
Post by Rick Majors on Oct 6, 2019 22:21:33 GMT -5
He stirred his coffee anxiously as he waited for her to arrive. Stir. Stir. Stir. Was he stirring too loudly? Did he look crazy? Were people staring at him? No, stop being like this. Wait. That guy is. No… he’s looking at that woman who just walked in the door. Okay, don’t stare at her. You're being weird.
Where was she anyway? She was supposed to be here like 15 minutes ago. Okay, calm down. Calm down. She has a long way to drive. Besides, you should be happy she even agreed to meet with you. After all, you’re kind of a shitty person who no one really…
“Hi Rick, sorry I’m late.”
Rick Majors immediately jumped out of the self-absorbed bullshit he was (always) wallowing in and stood up to hug her.
“Thanks for coming, Mom,” he said. “Don’t worry at all. I just got here.”
She sat down across from him. He immediately knew the first couple minutes of this conversation would be awkward.
“Was there a lot of traffic?”
“Some,” she responded. “It wasn’t bad.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Did you drive here?”
“I took a cab.”
“Oh, good.”
…
…
…
“Did you want something? I can get you a coffee or whatever.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? They have really nice teas here. I can get a London Fog if you want. You like those, right?”
“Sure. I’ll have one. Just a small though.”
Rick Majors stood up and walked over to the counter. How do you tell someone you’re drowning and you need help? How do you tell your mother that? She’s done literally everything for you. She raised you as a single mom. She did everything she could to make sure you had the happiest life possible and look what you did with it. You’re a mess. You’re worse than a mess. You’re actively sucking other people into your sorrow. You make the world worse. You want to be a hero, you want to be a nice guy, you want to be loved and accepted but you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve happiness. You’re a bad person who….
“Can I help you?”
“Uh one small London Fog please.”
“That’s $3.75.”
“Sure, I’ll pay with my credit card.”
... doesn’t deserve acceptance or love from anyone. How do you tell her that? How do you tell her that not only has your entire world been crumbling and falling for more than a decade, but that you’ve become such a bad person that you don’t even deserve help anymore? How do you tell her that you sometimes wish you’d just die? She gave everything for you. You can’t tell her that. It’s making a mockery of everything she struggled and did for you. It’s….
“Here’s your London Fog.”
“Thank you.”
…. it’s… okay, you don’t have to tell her that. Just tell her you’re glad that she’s here. Maybe just talking to her will be enough. It might just be good to speak with someone who still loves you. She shouldn’t love you, but she does. She's your mother. Just sit and talk with her. Don’t ruin the one relationship you have left.
“Here you are,” he said, handing her the drink.
“Thank you.”
“Mom… I just wanted to say, thanks for coming here today.”
“You’re welcome, Rick. It’s always nice to see you," She said with a smile, before adding "I thought you might want to talk. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he lied. “As good as I can be, I guess.”
“Rick,” she responded, leaning forward so she could look him in the eyes more easily. “I know something's up. I know you're having a hard time. But, Rick, to me it feels like you’re always searching for some idea of happiness. You’re looking for something flawless and that’s not ever going to happen…. actually, I think you’re not just looking for something flawless, but you’re also looking for something effortless. You think you can reach a point where everything will just be sunshine and rainbows for eternity. That’s not a thing that happens to anyone.”
“…”
“Sorry,” she said, breaking the silence. “I didn’t mean to lecture you there, it’s just..”
“No,” he cut in. “You’re right. That’s exactly what I’m doing. How did you… we barely talk anymore. How did you get all that from the five minutes of small talk we made?”
“A mother can tell, Rick,” she said, smiling. “And I watch PCW. I know it’s not going that easily for you.”
“It just… it seems like it’s never going easy for me.”
“It’s never going easy for any of us, Rick. Life is hard. It’s hard for us all. That’s what I’ve found, at least. But you’re doing okay. You keep getting up every morning and you keep trying. You keep doing your best.”
“Mom, my best isn’t good,” he said looking down. “I’m not a good person. I want to be. I’d like to say that I try to be, but I’m not even sure if that’s true. I’m just…”
And then he saw her. What was she doing here? This is nowhere near her home. Or did she move? Either way, this was going to be bad.
“Rick, are you okay?”
“Umm…. yeah,” he quickly stammered. “Just tired, that’s all.”
Maybe she didn’t see him. Maybe she’d get her coffee and just leave. It was in a take out cup. She might be in a hurry. Maybe she’d… nope. She saw him. She waved. He waved back.
“Who are you waving to?”
“Kelly,” he replied. “Kelly’s here.”
His mother never forgave Kelly for divorcing him. No matter how many times he told her that she was right to do it or that they’re better off this way, or that he wanted her to be happy, she didn’t believe him. She thought he was protecting her. She didn’t know that he was the one to blame, that he was the problem. Or, at least, she didn’t want to admit it.
Kelly walked over to their table.
“Hi Rick,” she said with a smile. “I didn’t think I’d run into you here! Oh, and Ann…. how nice to see you? It’s been years.”
“Yes,” his mother replied firmly. “What a surprise.”
“Do you want to join us?” he asked, motioning toward an empty chair nearby. “I can pull this chair over.”
“Oh, Rick,” his mother answered. “I’m sure Kelly is too busy to sit down with us. She got her coffee to go and…”
“I can stay,” said Kelly with a smile, sitting next to Rick.
This was going to be fun.
----
That night, Rick Majors had trouble sleeping. That’s nothing new. It would be a big deal if he didn’t have trouble sleeping. But what was weird was the reason. Usually he couldn’t sleep because he was worried about something or because he was filled with stress, anxiety, self-hatred, thoughts of death, things like that. But tonight was different. Tonight, he was happy.
Over coffee today, he’d had a real conversation with both his mother and with Kelly. And they spoke to one another. Openly. He could feel it. It was real. They were all being open and honest with one another. They were vulnerable. They were candid. They talked to each other, not at each other or about each other.
It was real human connection. It was beautiful. It was one of the best days he’d had in a long while. And, to think, he’d been so worried about it. He’d been so scared of the awkwardness between him and his mother. He’d been so nervous of the tension between her and Kelly. And yet it turned out wonderfully.
There is goodness in this world after all. There is humanity. There is love.
By the time the three of them went their separate ways, he was smiling. And so were they. His mother called him a few hours later to say how nice it had been to spend time with him and Kelly. She said “and Kelly” without any sense of bitterness or sarcasm in her voice. Kelly texted him to say she was glad they ran into one another. Everyone felt it. It was a moment. It’s so weird how you can have a life-changing conversation by accident in a random coffee shop.
What if he’d chosen to meet elsewhere? They never would have run into Kelly. What if Mom wasn’t late? They might have been gone by the time Kelly got there. What if Kelly hadn’t stopped in while running errands? It never would have happened. The three of them would have never gotten to speak. They never would have shared that moment. And they never would have talked about how great it will be to see Jason Willard beg for his life at Deadly Intentions.
Before they left the coffee shop, Kelly wished him good luck in his match. His mom did the same. She said she knew he’d win. He had it in him. Jason was already done. Kelly agreed.
----
“He’s going to regret everything, Rick,” said Kelly. “I know he is.”
“You’re going to make him,” his mother added in. “And its going to be beautiful.”
“I know,” Rick replied. “I know.”
The three hugged and walked out of the coffee shop. Rick Majors called a cab. He needed to get home and get some rest. He had an Anarchist to slay.
Where was she anyway? She was supposed to be here like 15 minutes ago. Okay, calm down. Calm down. She has a long way to drive. Besides, you should be happy she even agreed to meet with you. After all, you’re kind of a shitty person who no one really…
“Hi Rick, sorry I’m late.”
Rick Majors immediately jumped out of the self-absorbed bullshit he was (always) wallowing in and stood up to hug her.
“Thanks for coming, Mom,” he said. “Don’t worry at all. I just got here.”
She sat down across from him. He immediately knew the first couple minutes of this conversation would be awkward.
“Was there a lot of traffic?”
“Some,” she responded. “It wasn’t bad.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Did you drive here?”
“I took a cab.”
“Oh, good.”
…
…
…
“Did you want something? I can get you a coffee or whatever.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? They have really nice teas here. I can get a London Fog if you want. You like those, right?”
“Sure. I’ll have one. Just a small though.”
Rick Majors stood up and walked over to the counter. How do you tell someone you’re drowning and you need help? How do you tell your mother that? She’s done literally everything for you. She raised you as a single mom. She did everything she could to make sure you had the happiest life possible and look what you did with it. You’re a mess. You’re worse than a mess. You’re actively sucking other people into your sorrow. You make the world worse. You want to be a hero, you want to be a nice guy, you want to be loved and accepted but you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve happiness. You’re a bad person who….
“Can I help you?”
“Uh one small London Fog please.”
“That’s $3.75.”
“Sure, I’ll pay with my credit card.”
... doesn’t deserve acceptance or love from anyone. How do you tell her that? How do you tell her that not only has your entire world been crumbling and falling for more than a decade, but that you’ve become such a bad person that you don’t even deserve help anymore? How do you tell her that you sometimes wish you’d just die? She gave everything for you. You can’t tell her that. It’s making a mockery of everything she struggled and did for you. It’s….
“Here’s your London Fog.”
“Thank you.”
…. it’s… okay, you don’t have to tell her that. Just tell her you’re glad that she’s here. Maybe just talking to her will be enough. It might just be good to speak with someone who still loves you. She shouldn’t love you, but she does. She's your mother. Just sit and talk with her. Don’t ruin the one relationship you have left.
“Here you are,” he said, handing her the drink.
“Thank you.”
“Mom… I just wanted to say, thanks for coming here today.”
“You’re welcome, Rick. It’s always nice to see you," She said with a smile, before adding "I thought you might want to talk. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he lied. “As good as I can be, I guess.”
“Rick,” she responded, leaning forward so she could look him in the eyes more easily. “I know something's up. I know you're having a hard time. But, Rick, to me it feels like you’re always searching for some idea of happiness. You’re looking for something flawless and that’s not ever going to happen…. actually, I think you’re not just looking for something flawless, but you’re also looking for something effortless. You think you can reach a point where everything will just be sunshine and rainbows for eternity. That’s not a thing that happens to anyone.”
“…”
“Sorry,” she said, breaking the silence. “I didn’t mean to lecture you there, it’s just..”
“No,” he cut in. “You’re right. That’s exactly what I’m doing. How did you… we barely talk anymore. How did you get all that from the five minutes of small talk we made?”
“A mother can tell, Rick,” she said, smiling. “And I watch PCW. I know it’s not going that easily for you.”
“It just… it seems like it’s never going easy for me.”
“It’s never going easy for any of us, Rick. Life is hard. It’s hard for us all. That’s what I’ve found, at least. But you’re doing okay. You keep getting up every morning and you keep trying. You keep doing your best.”
“Mom, my best isn’t good,” he said looking down. “I’m not a good person. I want to be. I’d like to say that I try to be, but I’m not even sure if that’s true. I’m just…”
And then he saw her. What was she doing here? This is nowhere near her home. Or did she move? Either way, this was going to be bad.
“Rick, are you okay?”
“Umm…. yeah,” he quickly stammered. “Just tired, that’s all.”
Maybe she didn’t see him. Maybe she’d get her coffee and just leave. It was in a take out cup. She might be in a hurry. Maybe she’d… nope. She saw him. She waved. He waved back.
“Who are you waving to?”
“Kelly,” he replied. “Kelly’s here.”
His mother never forgave Kelly for divorcing him. No matter how many times he told her that she was right to do it or that they’re better off this way, or that he wanted her to be happy, she didn’t believe him. She thought he was protecting her. She didn’t know that he was the one to blame, that he was the problem. Or, at least, she didn’t want to admit it.
Kelly walked over to their table.
“Hi Rick,” she said with a smile. “I didn’t think I’d run into you here! Oh, and Ann…. how nice to see you? It’s been years.”
“Yes,” his mother replied firmly. “What a surprise.”
“Do you want to join us?” he asked, motioning toward an empty chair nearby. “I can pull this chair over.”
“Oh, Rick,” his mother answered. “I’m sure Kelly is too busy to sit down with us. She got her coffee to go and…”
“I can stay,” said Kelly with a smile, sitting next to Rick.
This was going to be fun.
----
That night, Rick Majors had trouble sleeping. That’s nothing new. It would be a big deal if he didn’t have trouble sleeping. But what was weird was the reason. Usually he couldn’t sleep because he was worried about something or because he was filled with stress, anxiety, self-hatred, thoughts of death, things like that. But tonight was different. Tonight, he was happy.
Over coffee today, he’d had a real conversation with both his mother and with Kelly. And they spoke to one another. Openly. He could feel it. It was real. They were all being open and honest with one another. They were vulnerable. They were candid. They talked to each other, not at each other or about each other.
It was real human connection. It was beautiful. It was one of the best days he’d had in a long while. And, to think, he’d been so worried about it. He’d been so scared of the awkwardness between him and his mother. He’d been so nervous of the tension between her and Kelly. And yet it turned out wonderfully.
There is goodness in this world after all. There is humanity. There is love.
By the time the three of them went their separate ways, he was smiling. And so were they. His mother called him a few hours later to say how nice it had been to spend time with him and Kelly. She said “and Kelly” without any sense of bitterness or sarcasm in her voice. Kelly texted him to say she was glad they ran into one another. Everyone felt it. It was a moment. It’s so weird how you can have a life-changing conversation by accident in a random coffee shop.
What if he’d chosen to meet elsewhere? They never would have run into Kelly. What if Mom wasn’t late? They might have been gone by the time Kelly got there. What if Kelly hadn’t stopped in while running errands? It never would have happened. The three of them would have never gotten to speak. They never would have shared that moment. And they never would have talked about how great it will be to see Jason Willard beg for his life at Deadly Intentions.
Before they left the coffee shop, Kelly wished him good luck in his match. His mom did the same. She said she knew he’d win. He had it in him. Jason was already done. Kelly agreed.
----
“He’s going to regret everything, Rick,” said Kelly. “I know he is.”
“You’re going to make him,” his mother added in. “And its going to be beautiful.”
“I know,” Rick replied. “I know.”
The three hugged and walked out of the coffee shop. Rick Majors called a cab. He needed to get home and get some rest. He had an Anarchist to slay.
