Post by Gerard Angelo on Mar 24, 2020 22:58:39 GMT -5
“So how are you feeling?”
It’s a question that’s been asked of me for I don’t know how long at this point.
How was I feeling?
Anxious. Disappointed. Disgusted. Frustrated.
Anxious because it seemed like my very world was ending, unraveling at the seams. Where was my career going? I couldn’t buy a win these days. My career was vast valleys broken up by slender peaks. Loss after loss, then suddenly I’d win a big match. I’d ask myself, ‘Is this it? Is this the turning point?’ And right after that, a loss that sets me back six months. I’d say I plateaued in my PCW career, but one would have to get above sea level to say that.
Disappointed because for all my bluster. For all my planning. My forming of a stable of guys to help me, My reinvention of myself, of me turning my back on the people. Disappointed because it was all for nothing. Justin Michaels was still PCW Champion, and I was left with nothing Stuck working pointless tag matches on Trauma with no direction.
Disgusted with myself for even being in this state of mind. Why was I doing this to myself? I’m Gerard fuckin’ Angelo. I’m a legend in this business. I’m a successful cross over star. I was a massively successful movie and television star. My life was great.
But no. I had to get the itch again. The burning desire to get into a ring again. Why though? Was it that necessary to put myself through all of this? To chase the same feeling I had when I was younger doing this? Is that rush worth the cost to my legacy? Because in the end that’s all we have left when we’re dead and gone.
Frustrated. That’s the biggest feeling. Frustrated with the way the last year has gone. Both professionally and personally. Frustration was growing day by day. I feel like it’s gonna boil over eventually and its gonna be bad for me. Hell it might be bad for the next…
“Gerard?”
Kara’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts as I look at her. Her pretty face twisted in slight confusion as her eyes look at me with concern. I shake my head.
“What?” I ask as I lean back on the park bench, lifting the ice coffee cup to my lips, sipping some of my light and sweet hazel nut flavor.
“I asked you how do you feel.” She rolls her blue eyes and pushes what stands of blonde hair that fall out of her beanie out of her face. I sigh, not wanting to rehash my thoughts from a moment ago.
“How do you always know when something is wrong with me?” I ask, answering her question with one of my own. She shrugs.
“I guess it’s my shitty superpower.” She says, lifting her own hot coffee cup up, sipping it through a straw, as not to ruin her lipstick. I let out a laugh and shake my head. Kara places her cup down on the bench next to her, crossing her shapely, blue jean clad, legs.
“In all seriousness I just know, somehow,” The former Kara Danger says, swinging her foot, the laces of her Chuck Taylor’s bouncing, “I figured after your World title match, and the thing with Jonathan, you needed someone to talk to.”
I ran my hands over my face, feeling my unkempt beard between my fingers before pushing my hands inside the pockets of my hoodie.
I..I just don’t feel like I’m cut out for this life anymore, Kara.” I say looking down at the paved path the bench was next to. “This life of wrestling, I mean. I don’t feel like myself anymore.” I look over at Kara and she has that concerned look on her face that I hate when she directs it at me.
“Is it because the whole Pandaemonium thing?” She asks me to which I shake my head.
“No. That’s not it. It’s because of all this damn losing. I used to be a damn winner, Kara.” I clench my fists in my pockets, feeling anger start to enter my voice, doing all I can from flying into a rage in front of her. “When I lost it meant something. Now it happens every god damned week. When I win it’s a shocker. The only person I have a better win loss record then is fuckin’ Razor.”
“Everyone goes through a rough patch, Ger.” Kara says, “Happens to everyone.”
“Not for a whole damn year, Kara. I’m a damn joke now.” I say with bitterness in my voice. “Even nobodies like Brenna Gordon are making fun of me. I used to be a living legend, Kara. Now I’m the butt of every joke.” I sigh and take my hands out of my pockets, putting my head in them. Kara sets down her coffee and reaches out, putting a small hand on my knee.
“Well what are you gonna do about it?” she asks, making me pull my face from my hands and look at her questioningly. Kara looked into my eyes.
“You heard me. You have two choices. You can either mope about and give up. Go retire, run with your tail between your legs.” She says angrily. “Like a coward.
I look at her and her faces changes suddenly into a smile.
“OR you can man the fuck up. You’re Gerard Angelo. Even if you think it was a fluke, you’re a former PCW World Champion, which is more then all but a handful of people currently employed can say. The only back to back winner of the Deadly Rumble. Do I need to list your accolades from other companies?”
“Listen, you can say all this. And I know it’s true but, we had almost this exact conversation before Mass Destruction. I went into the match with Stormm, confident as ever. Losing was unthinkable. Until I lost.” I say, looking back down at my feet. “I was breaking before that, Kara. And that loss broke me fully. I’m not the same guy I was ten, five, or even a year ago.”
I look up and see her looking at me with that familiar concerned look she gave me through out us dating and our marriage. Except this time it wasn’t from telling her I was wrestling some psychopath or a death match.
“So I’ll ask you again,” the love of my life asks, “What are you going to do?”
I sigh.
“I thought about retiring, but I don’t want to hear everyone’s two cents about me running away when the going got tough. Plus, I can’t do that to Holden and David. They’ve stuck their necks out for me too many times to abandon them. But, my contract is up at the end of the year. I thought about just fulfilling my dates and letting it run out. Just fade away into the background.”
I feel her staring at me so I look up at her, only to take a french manicured hand across my face. I reared back, gripping my cheek with a hand. I felt the sting as I looked at her in shock.
“What the fuck, Kara?”
“I’m sick of you talking like this and feeling sorry for yourself!” Kara says angrily. “So what you’re having a shitty year? Tough shit, Gerard. Try fucking harder. The old you would’ve have taken this and used it as fuel. You used to thrive off adversity and people doubting you. No you just want to wallow in self pity, drinking yourself stupid every night.”
I go to object but she cuts me off.
“I cut you a break before because I know this shit with Jon is weighing on you. But do you think he would approve of you giving up on your god damned dream? No, he would’ve smacked you harder then I did. Jon’s shit is weighing on me too, but I’m not giving up because of it. Man the hell up.”
I keep rubbing my cheek, staying quiet as she continues.
“Gerard, I would give anything to go out and have one more match. Literally anything. But that choice was taken from me. It would;t matter if I won or lost. You have a choice, but you face a little adversity and you want to take your ball and go home. Don’t be that guy. I’ll never, ever, forgive you if you do.”
I look at her, seeing the intensity in her eyes, knowing she’s serious. I give her a nod.
“Fine. I won’t give up. For you.”
“No,” she’s shakes her head, “For you. Because I know you’ll never forgive yourself either.”
I nod and we sit there in silence for some time, watching the people at the park.
“So what made you pick this place to meet?” I ask to break the ice.
“I’m suppose to meet Theo here. We were gonna go get lunch.”
I make a face that she notices, making her laugh.
“What? He’s my fiancé, Gerard.”
“I know, but… never mind actually.”
She shoot me a look.
“What?”
“Nope,” I say shaking my head, “Not going down that road.”
“Noooope. You have to tell me now. You only say things you want to say, so do it. Spill the beans.”
I sigh.
“I don’t like him.”
“Well, of course you don’t,” she says with a laugh, “You’re my ex.”
I shake my head.
“It’s not just that, Kara. Something about him doesn’t sit well with me. There’s something about him that’s off.”
“That’s not nice, Gerry. You know he’s had concussion issues too. And…”
“Not that. It’s something else. I just get a bad vibe from him whenever I’m around him. Like something bad could happen at anytime.”
I can see Kara fighting to not say something that could come off as bitchy, so I decide to change the subject.
“Remember that time I asked you to marry me like an idiot?”
This catches her off guard and makes her laugh.
“Yes, you idiot. Why would you do that?”
I shrug.
“Because I still love you.”
She stops laughing and looks at me, looking for something to say. Something must’ve gotten into me because I lean in and plant a kiss on her lips, years of pent up passion pouring out. To my surprise she returns the kiss at first before coming to her sense and pushing me off.
“What the fuck, Gerard?! You know I’m fucking engaged.”
I actually don’t have anything to say because I’m just as shocked as her that I did that. She continues to rant at me before she gets up and storms off, her Converse pounding the pavement as she leave her half drunk coffee behind. I sigh and lean back on the bench before yelling “Fuck!” in frustration, drawing curious looks and glares from various other patrons of the park.
========
At the same time this was happening, Theo was walking down the path, looking at his phone to see where his fiancé was. He looked up and saw her, a smile splitting his lips before he saw her sitting next to Gerard. His face soured as he looked The Hollywood Hero, think of something dickish to say when he arrived. The color soon left said face as he saw his girl’s ex lean in to kiss her. But that was nothing compared to the anger he felt when he saw her returning the kiss.
Theo clenched his fist before turning around and storming off, terrible ideas running through his head.
Somewhere, Ba’lal laughed.