Post by Rick Majors on May 19, 2020 19:30:58 GMT -5
"For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."
“There weren’t a lot of happy times in Seromine’s cult. There wasn’t a lot of bonding. It was mostly listening to him preach and, when things were really bad, it was putting up with his punishments. He called them ‘Teachings.’ He used to.... anyway.... there was one time, I don’t know if he was in a good mood or if he temporarily forgot about his ‘God’ act or what, but….. “
Rick Majors pauses. His therapist keeps looking right at him. It’s obvious that Rick still has difficulty talking about the past – about the cult. He takes a deep breath and continues.
“He was actually…. friendly. Well, I’m not sure if ‘friendly’ is the right word for it, but – for a brief moment – it didn’t feel like we were Followers doing his bidding. It didn't feel like he was controlling us. We felt like friends. He talked to us – I’m talking about myself and Holden Ross here – he talked to us like we were actual people. He started by giving us some pointers based on our recent matches and, from there, he moved on to expressing actual excitement about the team we had. He actually called the three of us a team. Tyler wasn’t there that night… he wasn’t there most nights. But, for a couple minutes, the three of us felt like actual friends hanging out after the show. At least... at least that's how it felt. That's how it felt to me. Maybe it was all an act too, maybe it was another trick he used to control us, but that's not how it felt to me. Sometimes I...”
Rick Majors trails off. He looks down and touches his eyes with his right hand. He tries to compose himself, but he's obviously having a tough time doing so. Finally, the therapist intervenes, trying to keep the conversation going.
“What is it, Rick? I know this must be very hard for you. What you went through…. “
“It’s just…. sometimes I wonder if it meant anything to him at all.”
Majors pauses again.
“I mean, I know we weren’t friends. I know that. I know he used us. I know he controlled us and abused us. I know all that, believe me, I know. But, it’s just... I spent a really long time with him and, for most of that time, he was the only person I talked to. I know that’s how he wanted it, I know he cut me off from my family and my friends... but even if he hadn’t…. I spent every show with him. We were in tag team matches together. We talked together backstage. We worked together in and out of the ring…. I know he has his wife and his children and his…. his mother… but, despite everything, we were... we were close, right?”
“I don’t know, Rick. Sometimes people like Jason Willard – people who lead cults – are sociopathic. They don’t feel things the same way you and I do. They…”
“And when he brought Holden and Tyler in... I know why he did it. I know he not only used my connections with them to make his cult stronger, but he also did it to make it feel like a family. We’ve talked about this before, I know. He wanted us all to feel loyal to the cult no matter what, just like how people always love their parents or their siblings no matter what they do. I understand all that. But…. but my emotions don’t.”
Rick Majors pauses again. He briefly stops to think about his words before he continues to speak.
“That’s why I shook his hand. Part of it... part of it was because I wanted to be a better person, but part of it is also because…. because…. that time meant something to me. I’m still angry about it, of course, but I formed some real connections there. Someone like Holden Ross… I knew his father. His father specifically told Holden to seek me out when he arrived in PCW and... I used to feel guilty. I used to feel like I sold Holden into slavery, so to speak, but I don’t think he was as ‘in it’ as I was. He’s not an emotional mess like I am. He joined Seromine because he wanted to make a name for himself and that was an effective way to do it. But still… we spent a lot of time together, him and I. When he stayed with Seromine after I left, it felt like a betrayal, even though I know it was a business decision.”
“There’s the saying, Rick, that ‘it’s not personal, it’s just business’ but that’s very tough to do. Business can be very personal. For instance, something like wrestling. It takes a lot out of you both physically and emotionally. You give a lot to it. You, personally, have given a lot of yourself to it, so it makes sense that it’s hard to separate the business side from the personal side. You’re not the only one who feels that way about their work.”
“And now… Holden… again. They're still around me. It's been years and I'm still fighting them. I'm still connected to them. The experience of the cult is with me for life, but so are these people. I’ve tried so hard to escape it all, to escape them, but I can’t. They’re a part of me. They’ve affected me. Forever. No matter what happens in the ring, that won’t change. I can’t destroy them. Even if they died, they’re still there. They're still a part of me.”
“Our pasts dictate a lot of our lives, Rick. That’s why I see so many people who talk to me about their parents or their former spouses or things that happened when they were children. What we’ve been through forms us.”
“Holden says he’s coming for me because of the title… but he went through a lot of the same stuff I did. Even though he has his new group and his new friends, I bet he’s just as attached to the cult and the whole situation as I am. He wasn’t there for as long and he didn’t go as ‘all in’ as I did, but I’m sure he still feels a connection to it. He must.”
“You can’t control other people, Rick. Not only can you not tell them what to think, but you’ll never truly know their reasons for doing the things they do. They probably don’t even know those reasons themselves. Our minds often hide our true motivations - even from us.”
“Everything I thought I felt about this cult, every way I thought it changed me… I was wrong. It all feels so different now.”
“It doesn’t mean you were wrong then and it doesn’t mean that you’re wrong now. People can feel many different ways about the same thing. And that's perfectly normal and perfectly natural. Now, unfortunately, our time is up for today. I’ll see you next week?”
“Of course. Thank you”
With that, Rick Majors slowly stands up and limps away. He’s essentially dragging one leg behind him as he walks. His head is slumped down, as if his neck is sore – very sore. It’s going to be an interesting match on Trauma.
