It's time once again for everyone's favourite game show!
Sept 22, 2020 18:47:19 GMT -5
The Anarchist likes this
Post by Rick Majors on Sept 22, 2020 18:47:19 GMT -5
The scene opens up on a game show set that would have looked fancy and impressive back in the 1970s, before people had big screen HDTVs. Now, thanks to these modern conveniences, we can see the worn paint and chipped edges on the podiums that each contestant stands behind. The set remains the same as it's always been though, despite being incredibly old, because that’s part of the charm of the game.
The studio audience happily clap as the host steps onto the stage/because the “APPLAUSE” sign went on.
Host: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ….”
He points to the crowd, which cheerfully responds with…
More applause. More happy smiles from the host, who introduces the contestants before the game begins.
Host: “Okay Brian, you won the coin toss backstage, so you get to choose the first category.”
Brian: “Thanks, Michael. I’m gonna go with ‘Deadliest Rumbles.’”
A fun “Zoop” noise is heard as the ‘Deadliest Rumbles’ question pops onto the screen. The host reads it, despite the fact that it’s on the screen and literally everyone can read it themselves.
Host: “This professional wrestler won the PCW Deadly Rumble once and was the runner up twice, though once was under a different persona. What the answer?”
Brian: “Is it Jason Willard slash Seromine?”
There’s a loud buzz to indicate an incorrect response.
Host: “Oh, sorry Brian. That’s NOT the Answer. Does anyone else know what the answer is?”
Another contestant buzzes in.
Host: “Marie?”
Marie: “Is it Non Compos Mentis, also known as Sean Rhodes?”
There’s that buzzer again.
Brian: “No, I’m sorry. Steve, would you like to try?”
Steve would not like to try.
Host: “No one? Okay, the answer is ‘Rick Majors or Gabriel.’”
The crowd "ahhhhhhs" as the answer is revealed.
Suddenly, we’re in a living room where two guys in their early twenties are watching the show. If you could smell the room, it would smell like marijuana, Taco Bell chalupas, and more marijuana.
“Dude,” says one of the guys. “Why is Rick Majors an answer on this game show? Did I hear that right?”
“I heard it too,” responds his friend. “But I’m pretty high so maybe I just made it up.”
“Then how would I have heard it?”
“Maybe our brains are like connected now, man.”
“Woah.”
“Okay, I'm thinking about moving my toes... are your toes moving?”
“I don't think so.”
“How do you not know?”
“I'm high?”
“Yeah, I'm high too.”
“Woah.”
The two friends laugh.
“Anyway I don’t even think that answer's right. There’s no way Rick Majors has done so well in the Deadly Rumble. He’s like a million years old.”
“Yeah,” says the friend before taking another hit. “That dude is ancient. He’s a dinosaur.”
“Fuck, can you imagine if he really was a dinosaur? That would be awesome.”
“He’d probably win a lot more matches if he was like a big T-Rex or something. He’d just like bite the heads off his opponents.”
“Yeah, but if he ever won a belt how would he hold it? With those little T-Rex arms?”
“For sure! But they’d have to make him a custom title to fit around his big waist.”
“Nah man, they wouldn’t make a whole new title just for a dinosaur champion. That's not cost-effective. He’d have to carry it around, that’s why the tiny arms would be such a problem.”
“Shit… Rick Majors has so many problems.”
“He really does. That’s why Holden Ross is going to kick his ass on Sunday night.”
“Fuck yeah, Holden Ross is amazing.”
“He’s almost as amazing as this chalupa.”
“Dude, that’s mine! Don’t fucking take my chalupa!”
“What are you talking about? It’s mine! You ate all yours.”
“I did not. Are you high?”
“Of course I am, dummy. You are too.”
“Good point.”
“Yeah, I'm fucking smart.”
“Hey, would you rather tongue kiss Rick Majors or never eat a chalupa again?”
“Dude, not fair.”
“Totally fair! What’s your choice?”
“Shit…. okay, I’d tongue Majors.”
“That’s gay.”
“So what? It’s 2020! If I want to stick my tongue deep into Rick Majors’ old man throat then eat a tasty chalupa, I can do it.”
“Whatever bro, you’re gay for Rick Majors.”
“Guys,” interrupts a third friend who just walked into the room. “You can’t insult one another by calling each other ‘gay.’ That’s putting a negative spin on the word, which is really offensive.”
This third friend is wearing a button up shirt and tie. He puts a laptop bag down on a nearby table and walks around the room cleaning up Taco Bell wrappers and discarded joints.
“Did you guys just sit around smoking pot and watching game shows all day again?”
“No, we also ate Taco Bell.”
“And watched wrestling.”
“Wrestling? What are you, twelve?”
“Nah man, it’s really cool. We watched PCW and they have so many awesome guys on their show. There’s this guy Gerard Angelo and he’s like a super famous movie star…”
“… yeah, and he’s friends with this really big guy Holden Ross and this other guy David Hunter and the three of them kick so much ass!”
“But what about Grimm? He fuckin’ scares me, bro.”
“Guys, come on. I was at work all day. I’m tired. I don’t care about David Thunder and Grimes or whatever. Besides, why would a famous movie start be wrestling?”
“Because he loves it! And he wants the attention from the fans.”
“Really? Sounds to me like if he was a big movie star, he'd get all the attention he needs from his movies and he'd be too busy to wrestle.”
“Nah, you don't get it.”
“What's there to get? This sounds dumb.”
“Whatever dude, you’re missing out. PCW is awesome.”
“They even mentioned it on ‘What’s The Answer?’ Or at least we think they did. I guess. It might have been some tie-in for Deadly Intentions this weekend.”
“Are you guys still talking about this?”
“Dude, Deadly Intentions is gonna be AWESOME! They have this Deadly Rumble and all the guys fight each other and the last one left in the ring gets a shot at the world title!”
“Okay,” says the employed friend, mostly humouring them. “So who’s gonna win this Deadly Intentions Rumble?”
“Not Rick Majors, that’s for sure.”
“Why not?”
“He’s like a million years old.”
“Yeah, he’s like this sad old man who walks around talking about his ex-wife and how he used to have a belt in some other company like twenty years ago.”
“I bet he has those old man spots all over his body.”
“Yeah, and like grey hair on his balls.”
“Why are you talking about his balls? Are you really gay for the guy?”
“I told you, that’s offensive. You have to stop.”
“You were the one talking about his body.”
“Sure, but in a 'he's so gross' way. You're like in love with his old man balls.”
“Gross!”
“You're the one who mentioned them!”
“Shut up! Anyway, he’s not gonna win. I bet he has a heart attack on the way to the ring.”
“And why would that be funny?”
“Who said it would be funny?”
“You. You just laughed when you said it.”
“Oh yeah…. Haha… it would be funny. He’s old and he’s gonna die soon.”
“Maybe Holden Ross kills him before he gets to the Deadly Rumble.”
“Wait, this old guy is fighting in two matches?”
“Yeah, he’s gonna die.”
“I think you’re right. He is gonna die. Good call.”
“Hahaha… we have to watch this show. I wanna see him die.”
“Hahahaa,” laughs the third friend as he’s passed one of the joints.
“What’s the funniest way he could die? Heart attacks aren’t that funny.”
“Maybe Holden rips his head off? And he likes feeds it to an alligator or a tiger or something.”
“Or someone rips off his balls. Like Alexa Black or someone!”
“Okay, dude, he’s right. You’re talking about this guy’s balls way too much.”
The three laugh as the room fills with smoke.
The studio audience happily clap as the host steps onto the stage/because the “APPLAUSE” sign went on.
Host: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ….”
He points to the crowd, which cheerfully responds with…
“WHAT’S! THE! ANSWER!?”
More applause. More happy smiles from the host, who introduces the contestants before the game begins.
Host: “Okay Brian, you won the coin toss backstage, so you get to choose the first category.”
Brian: “Thanks, Michael. I’m gonna go with ‘Deadliest Rumbles.’”
A fun “Zoop” noise is heard as the ‘Deadliest Rumbles’ question pops onto the screen. The host reads it, despite the fact that it’s on the screen and literally everyone can read it themselves.
Host: “This professional wrestler won the PCW Deadly Rumble once and was the runner up twice, though once was under a different persona. What the answer?”
Brian: “Is it Jason Willard slash Seromine?”
There’s a loud buzz to indicate an incorrect response.
Host: “Oh, sorry Brian. That’s NOT the Answer. Does anyone else know what the answer is?”
Another contestant buzzes in.
Host: “Marie?”
Marie: “Is it Non Compos Mentis, also known as Sean Rhodes?”
There’s that buzzer again.
Brian: “No, I’m sorry. Steve, would you like to try?”
Steve would not like to try.
Host: “No one? Okay, the answer is ‘Rick Majors or Gabriel.’”
The crowd "ahhhhhhs" as the answer is revealed.
Suddenly, we’re in a living room where two guys in their early twenties are watching the show. If you could smell the room, it would smell like marijuana, Taco Bell chalupas, and more marijuana.
“Dude,” says one of the guys. “Why is Rick Majors an answer on this game show? Did I hear that right?”
“I heard it too,” responds his friend. “But I’m pretty high so maybe I just made it up.”
“Then how would I have heard it?”
“Maybe our brains are like connected now, man.”
“Woah.”
“Okay, I'm thinking about moving my toes... are your toes moving?”
“I don't think so.”
“How do you not know?”
“I'm high?”
“Yeah, I'm high too.”
“Woah.”
The two friends laugh.
“Anyway I don’t even think that answer's right. There’s no way Rick Majors has done so well in the Deadly Rumble. He’s like a million years old.”
“Yeah,” says the friend before taking another hit. “That dude is ancient. He’s a dinosaur.”
“Fuck, can you imagine if he really was a dinosaur? That would be awesome.”
“He’d probably win a lot more matches if he was like a big T-Rex or something. He’d just like bite the heads off his opponents.”
“Yeah, but if he ever won a belt how would he hold it? With those little T-Rex arms?”
“For sure! But they’d have to make him a custom title to fit around his big waist.”
“Nah man, they wouldn’t make a whole new title just for a dinosaur champion. That's not cost-effective. He’d have to carry it around, that’s why the tiny arms would be such a problem.”
“Shit… Rick Majors has so many problems.”
“He really does. That’s why Holden Ross is going to kick his ass on Sunday night.”
“Fuck yeah, Holden Ross is amazing.”
“He’s almost as amazing as this chalupa.”
“Dude, that’s mine! Don’t fucking take my chalupa!”
“What are you talking about? It’s mine! You ate all yours.”
“I did not. Are you high?”
“Of course I am, dummy. You are too.”
“Good point.”
“Yeah, I'm fucking smart.”
“Hey, would you rather tongue kiss Rick Majors or never eat a chalupa again?”
“Dude, not fair.”
“Totally fair! What’s your choice?”
“Shit…. okay, I’d tongue Majors.”
“That’s gay.”
“So what? It’s 2020! If I want to stick my tongue deep into Rick Majors’ old man throat then eat a tasty chalupa, I can do it.”
“Whatever bro, you’re gay for Rick Majors.”
“Guys,” interrupts a third friend who just walked into the room. “You can’t insult one another by calling each other ‘gay.’ That’s putting a negative spin on the word, which is really offensive.”
This third friend is wearing a button up shirt and tie. He puts a laptop bag down on a nearby table and walks around the room cleaning up Taco Bell wrappers and discarded joints.
“Did you guys just sit around smoking pot and watching game shows all day again?”
“No, we also ate Taco Bell.”
“And watched wrestling.”
“Wrestling? What are you, twelve?”
“Nah man, it’s really cool. We watched PCW and they have so many awesome guys on their show. There’s this guy Gerard Angelo and he’s like a super famous movie star…”
“… yeah, and he’s friends with this really big guy Holden Ross and this other guy David Hunter and the three of them kick so much ass!”
“But what about Grimm? He fuckin’ scares me, bro.”
“Guys, come on. I was at work all day. I’m tired. I don’t care about David Thunder and Grimes or whatever. Besides, why would a famous movie start be wrestling?”
“Because he loves it! And he wants the attention from the fans.”
“Really? Sounds to me like if he was a big movie star, he'd get all the attention he needs from his movies and he'd be too busy to wrestle.”
“Nah, you don't get it.”
“What's there to get? This sounds dumb.”
“Whatever dude, you’re missing out. PCW is awesome.”
“They even mentioned it on ‘What’s The Answer?’ Or at least we think they did. I guess. It might have been some tie-in for Deadly Intentions this weekend.”
“Are you guys still talking about this?”
“Dude, Deadly Intentions is gonna be AWESOME! They have this Deadly Rumble and all the guys fight each other and the last one left in the ring gets a shot at the world title!”
“Okay,” says the employed friend, mostly humouring them. “So who’s gonna win this Deadly Intentions Rumble?”
“Not Rick Majors, that’s for sure.”
“Why not?”
“He’s like a million years old.”
“Yeah, he’s like this sad old man who walks around talking about his ex-wife and how he used to have a belt in some other company like twenty years ago.”
“I bet he has those old man spots all over his body.”
“Yeah, and like grey hair on his balls.”
“Why are you talking about his balls? Are you really gay for the guy?”
“I told you, that’s offensive. You have to stop.”
“You were the one talking about his body.”
“Sure, but in a 'he's so gross' way. You're like in love with his old man balls.”
“Gross!”
“You're the one who mentioned them!”
“Shut up! Anyway, he’s not gonna win. I bet he has a heart attack on the way to the ring.”
“And why would that be funny?”
“Who said it would be funny?”
“You. You just laughed when you said it.”
“Oh yeah…. Haha… it would be funny. He’s old and he’s gonna die soon.”
“Maybe Holden Ross kills him before he gets to the Deadly Rumble.”
“Wait, this old guy is fighting in two matches?”
“Yeah, he’s gonna die.”
“I think you’re right. He is gonna die. Good call.”
“Hahaha… we have to watch this show. I wanna see him die.”
“Hahahaa,” laughs the third friend as he’s passed one of the joints.
“What’s the funniest way he could die? Heart attacks aren’t that funny.”
“Maybe Holden rips his head off? And he likes feeds it to an alligator or a tiger or something.”
“Or someone rips off his balls. Like Alexa Black or someone!”
“Okay, dude, he’s right. You’re talking about this guy’s balls way too much.”
The three laugh as the room fills with smoke.
Fin.
