Post by sethsinn on May 21, 2006 22:31:15 GMT -5
I throw my leather trench coat down onto the end of my bed at the local hotel, the flask I’ve been carrying flying out of the inner pocket onto the floor. I take a seat right next to my coat, the flask right beside my right foot. I have not said a word since my encounter in the woods, nor have I even thought of anything else. That small infant child, her bright green eyes sparkling like gems in the sunlight did something to me, grabbing my by the throat of my soul. Her petite hands and feet so well crafted, perfection radiated from her like an engaging perfume. I felt connected with that child in some astounding way, and for the first time in over a month I am thinking straight.
“Christine would never betray me.” I inform myself, feeling stupid for even thinking she would. “There is no way that she would ever do that to me.”
I jump off the bed and grab my cell phone off the bedside table. I dial a few numbers as I place the phone to my ear, pacing the length of the room as I get nothing but a voicemail.
“Christine,” I speak into the phone. “I need to speak with you as soon as possible. Please, give me a call back A.S.A.P!”
I toss the phone down onto the bed right next to my coat, I keep pacing the length of the room thinking of the episode in the woods.
“Who the fuck was that person in the woods?” I ask myself. “Who was that child and what did all of that have to do with me? Damn it I want answers!”
Answers that I know I cannot and will not have, not at this moment of time anyway. It’s amazing though that just seeing that little child changed my whole way of thinking, how the little green eyes child changed my whole thought process. I walk into the bathroom and start to run some cold water from the tap, and as I splash it onto my face I think of the divorce papers. I look into the mirror, deep into my own eyes.
“How?” I ask myself. “How could you be so damn stupid Seth? How could you be so gullible?”
After all, I did have absolutely NO proof of Christine’s affair with Lantlas, only someones word, someone I didn’t even know at all. Someone I never seen before in my life and they talked me into believing something that could never be the truth.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid!”
I can only imagine what Lantlas thinks of me. I was once a strong man, able to withstand everything. I was once a man that would never turn to alcohol to try and correct my problems. I was once a man who was happy. And now look at me, I am none of them. I have changed into a man I no longer notice when I look into the mirror and see my own reflection. It’s pitiful, it’s stupid, and it’s pathetic.
“I have done something I said I would never do. I became just as bad as Anthony Douglas. Stupid me, Stupid me. Shame on yourself Seth, I wouldn’t be surprised if Christine never took you back for the way you acted. I wouldn’t be surprised if Lantlas is never your friend again considering the way you treated him.”
Hell, in the state I’m in I wouldn’t be surprised if Anthony Douglas beat me.
“NO!” I scream into the mirror. “That is unacceptable. A suicidal bitch like that could never beat someone with talent like yours! Last time he had to play the numbers game, and this time he has no numbers to back him up.”
I walk out of the bathroom, and I sit back down on the corner of my bed. Anthony Douglas is so pathetic in my eyes. Even in the state I am in now, I still look at him as nothing. Truth be told, he will always be nothing. He lives in a world where trash talking is the only vital key for survival. He doesn’t live in the real world. He doesn’t live in the world where the tough survive and the weaklings are hunted for game. Anthony doesn’t really give a shit about what I have to say, but if that was true why does he spend so much time trying to pick it apart?
“Because…” I say to myself. “Deep down he really does care, and deep down he knows I’m everything he’s not. I’m better, and I always will be superior when standing next to him.”
I look over at the TV, seeing a tape on top with an envelope taped to it. I grab the top off of the TV, popping it into the VCR as I open the envelope. “You can thank me later” is all the letter says, no name… nothing, just those five words. I watch as I see Anthony Douglas’ latest promo, I watch it al the way through to the end. I hit the power button on the remote, turning the TV off. I stair at myself in the black screen, shaking my head as I replay Anthony’s words in my head.
“Anthony, Anthony Anthony…” I begin. “You really don’t get it, do you? There is nothing to you to figure out anymore, because all you have been doing since day one is the SAME DAMN THING! What else is there to realize about you when you have already shown all your cards? Yeah, your family died. Yes, maybe it should have been you in the car. Yes, I wish it was you in the car and you weren’t here right now. Same old shit, different promo. No one gives a blue fuck anymore, we are all sick of it. I sit here today Anthony, looking to try and get my life back on track, but I’m still and always going to hate you. I know the feelings are mutual, and I really don’t give a shit.”
“It’s funny though, how you can throw out the lamest insults. It’s funny how you can tell me about your past, when you know just as much as I do that I don’t care. You beat someone with a pipe, big deal, so has thousands of other people in this world. You beat someone within an inch of their lives, but there are people who took that inch and threw it out the window. You beat people to a bloody pulp over a debt, what do you think ‘knock-around guys’ are for? Anthony, you don’t impress me. You don’t scare me. The only thing you do, is make me embarrassed to be in the same damn company as you. Maybe you need some time off to grab some new material, or maybe you just need to get over the past.”
“Yeah Anthony, I lost my will over a woman. A woman I loved, a woman I would have died for! You don’t know anything about that Anthony, because your cold, black heart doesn’t allow you to love anyone. So what if I lost it over a woman? You are the one listening to your own reflection. You are the one that needs to be locked inside a padded cell. Hell, you need to be locked away just for sucking as much as Fifty Cent’s new gospel record featuring the Gospel Gangstaz. And how about this, you say stand up and be a damn man? I’ll take your words into consideration as soon as you get the guts to pull the damn trigger, bitch.”
“Then,” I continue, “You want to throw talent into the mix? To you Anthony, I have no talent. Although, I was the last ever HHW World Champion and you couldn’t even hack it in the IC division. I beat Geno, TWICE, and you lost to him the only time you got to face him. When you look at the facts, and when you look at the records, I am better than you. I have more talent then you. Hell, I’m just a better all around wrestler then you. Bring your brawling skills to the ring Anthony, and I’ll decapitate them with one swing of my sword. Call me a jerkoff. Call me a piece of shit. Call my wife a whore. Hell, call me the biggest joke around with a strap on for a dick, see if it makes any difference when I knock you the fuck out. See if I even pay attention, because half the time I don’t feel like deciphering your level of retardation.”
“You can’t run! You can’t hide! How many times do I have to hear this shit? I heard it enough over the last few months, let alone HHW. You’re going to make my face look like my ass Anthony? Heard it about ten times before, and you still seem to have done nothing about it. You can’t back up what you say, you never could and you never will be able to. Maybe you can cut it with the curtain jerkers down at the bottom, but when you’re facing actual talent you can’t back up shit.”
My cell phone rings, and I look at the caller ID, seeing that it’s not Christine, but a number I do not recognize.
“Sorry Mr. 874- 9458, Don’t know you.”
I toss the phone behind me, and a few seconds later I hear a chiming sound signaling I have a voicemail. I check it, finding out it was the same person that I saw and talked to in the woods. How the hell does she have my number? Screw it, right now I need to get a hold of Christine and apologize. That child is mine, Lantlas never would have slept with Christine. I need to get my life back, no matter what it takes. I look down at the flask that still sits on the floor beside my feet. I reach down and pick it up, throwing it into the waste basket beside the bedside table.
“And I don’t need you anymore either.”
“Christine would never betray me.” I inform myself, feeling stupid for even thinking she would. “There is no way that she would ever do that to me.”
I jump off the bed and grab my cell phone off the bedside table. I dial a few numbers as I place the phone to my ear, pacing the length of the room as I get nothing but a voicemail.
“Christine,” I speak into the phone. “I need to speak with you as soon as possible. Please, give me a call back A.S.A.P!”
I toss the phone down onto the bed right next to my coat, I keep pacing the length of the room thinking of the episode in the woods.
“Who the fuck was that person in the woods?” I ask myself. “Who was that child and what did all of that have to do with me? Damn it I want answers!”
Answers that I know I cannot and will not have, not at this moment of time anyway. It’s amazing though that just seeing that little child changed my whole way of thinking, how the little green eyes child changed my whole thought process. I walk into the bathroom and start to run some cold water from the tap, and as I splash it onto my face I think of the divorce papers. I look into the mirror, deep into my own eyes.
“How?” I ask myself. “How could you be so damn stupid Seth? How could you be so gullible?”
After all, I did have absolutely NO proof of Christine’s affair with Lantlas, only someones word, someone I didn’t even know at all. Someone I never seen before in my life and they talked me into believing something that could never be the truth.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid!”
I can only imagine what Lantlas thinks of me. I was once a strong man, able to withstand everything. I was once a man that would never turn to alcohol to try and correct my problems. I was once a man who was happy. And now look at me, I am none of them. I have changed into a man I no longer notice when I look into the mirror and see my own reflection. It’s pitiful, it’s stupid, and it’s pathetic.
“I have done something I said I would never do. I became just as bad as Anthony Douglas. Stupid me, Stupid me. Shame on yourself Seth, I wouldn’t be surprised if Christine never took you back for the way you acted. I wouldn’t be surprised if Lantlas is never your friend again considering the way you treated him.”
Hell, in the state I’m in I wouldn’t be surprised if Anthony Douglas beat me.
“NO!” I scream into the mirror. “That is unacceptable. A suicidal bitch like that could never beat someone with talent like yours! Last time he had to play the numbers game, and this time he has no numbers to back him up.”
I walk out of the bathroom, and I sit back down on the corner of my bed. Anthony Douglas is so pathetic in my eyes. Even in the state I am in now, I still look at him as nothing. Truth be told, he will always be nothing. He lives in a world where trash talking is the only vital key for survival. He doesn’t live in the real world. He doesn’t live in the world where the tough survive and the weaklings are hunted for game. Anthony doesn’t really give a shit about what I have to say, but if that was true why does he spend so much time trying to pick it apart?
“Because…” I say to myself. “Deep down he really does care, and deep down he knows I’m everything he’s not. I’m better, and I always will be superior when standing next to him.”
I look over at the TV, seeing a tape on top with an envelope taped to it. I grab the top off of the TV, popping it into the VCR as I open the envelope. “You can thank me later” is all the letter says, no name… nothing, just those five words. I watch as I see Anthony Douglas’ latest promo, I watch it al the way through to the end. I hit the power button on the remote, turning the TV off. I stair at myself in the black screen, shaking my head as I replay Anthony’s words in my head.
“Anthony, Anthony Anthony…” I begin. “You really don’t get it, do you? There is nothing to you to figure out anymore, because all you have been doing since day one is the SAME DAMN THING! What else is there to realize about you when you have already shown all your cards? Yeah, your family died. Yes, maybe it should have been you in the car. Yes, I wish it was you in the car and you weren’t here right now. Same old shit, different promo. No one gives a blue fuck anymore, we are all sick of it. I sit here today Anthony, looking to try and get my life back on track, but I’m still and always going to hate you. I know the feelings are mutual, and I really don’t give a shit.”
“It’s funny though, how you can throw out the lamest insults. It’s funny how you can tell me about your past, when you know just as much as I do that I don’t care. You beat someone with a pipe, big deal, so has thousands of other people in this world. You beat someone within an inch of their lives, but there are people who took that inch and threw it out the window. You beat people to a bloody pulp over a debt, what do you think ‘knock-around guys’ are for? Anthony, you don’t impress me. You don’t scare me. The only thing you do, is make me embarrassed to be in the same damn company as you. Maybe you need some time off to grab some new material, or maybe you just need to get over the past.”
“Yeah Anthony, I lost my will over a woman. A woman I loved, a woman I would have died for! You don’t know anything about that Anthony, because your cold, black heart doesn’t allow you to love anyone. So what if I lost it over a woman? You are the one listening to your own reflection. You are the one that needs to be locked inside a padded cell. Hell, you need to be locked away just for sucking as much as Fifty Cent’s new gospel record featuring the Gospel Gangstaz. And how about this, you say stand up and be a damn man? I’ll take your words into consideration as soon as you get the guts to pull the damn trigger, bitch.”
“Then,” I continue, “You want to throw talent into the mix? To you Anthony, I have no talent. Although, I was the last ever HHW World Champion and you couldn’t even hack it in the IC division. I beat Geno, TWICE, and you lost to him the only time you got to face him. When you look at the facts, and when you look at the records, I am better than you. I have more talent then you. Hell, I’m just a better all around wrestler then you. Bring your brawling skills to the ring Anthony, and I’ll decapitate them with one swing of my sword. Call me a jerkoff. Call me a piece of shit. Call my wife a whore. Hell, call me the biggest joke around with a strap on for a dick, see if it makes any difference when I knock you the fuck out. See if I even pay attention, because half the time I don’t feel like deciphering your level of retardation.”
“You can’t run! You can’t hide! How many times do I have to hear this shit? I heard it enough over the last few months, let alone HHW. You’re going to make my face look like my ass Anthony? Heard it about ten times before, and you still seem to have done nothing about it. You can’t back up what you say, you never could and you never will be able to. Maybe you can cut it with the curtain jerkers down at the bottom, but when you’re facing actual talent you can’t back up shit.”
My cell phone rings, and I look at the caller ID, seeing that it’s not Christine, but a number I do not recognize.
“Sorry Mr. 874- 9458, Don’t know you.”
I toss the phone behind me, and a few seconds later I hear a chiming sound signaling I have a voicemail. I check it, finding out it was the same person that I saw and talked to in the woods. How the hell does she have my number? Screw it, right now I need to get a hold of Christine and apologize. That child is mine, Lantlas never would have slept with Christine. I need to get my life back, no matter what it takes. I look down at the flask that still sits on the floor beside my feet. I reach down and pick it up, throwing it into the waste basket beside the bedside table.
“And I don’t need you anymore either.”