Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2006 1:06:25 GMT -5
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS - EDITION 2
Trauma [54] - July 26th, 2006
OOC NOTE: I really hope I don't need this disclaimer after this column. However, the mood I'm in, I feel it's necessary. This column, with ANYTHING related to PCW is COMPLETELY, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT IN-CHARACTER! Enough said.
Welcome back, for the second edition if "In Laiman's Terms". You'll notice my title is not as jovial as usual, and in that case, if you're not quite down with a cynic's point-of-view, or if blatant and dry sarcasm is mildly offensive to you, I suggest hitting the back button on your browser and escaping this page before I say something to piss you off. In the mood I'm in, quite frankly I don't care. Last week, my edition of ILT was mostly a recap column... This week, I've got far too much to say and no other place to let it out, so let's get rolling and see what happened this week in the world of Pure Class Wrestling.
Deception is arriving soon, and several people are excited. One who is not, however, is Anthony Douglas. There's a shock. The last time Anthony Douglas was excited was when he was being born and saw a light in front of his eyes. However, eight seconds after birth, he was immediately lashing out at the doctor for slapping his ass, thus returning twenty years later to beat him with a baseball bat. Mr. "Put on a Happy Face" has taken this week off in order to throw words out against me once again, claiming that in HHW, all I did was protect my friends Lantlas, Neo Anderson, and Geno. Anthony, how can I put this to you in a way that only a fellow cynic would understand...
NEO ANDERSON AND I ARE NOT FRIENDS! WE NEVER HAVE BEEN, WE NEVER WILL BE!
Ah, that felt good to say. Anthony, I don't know if you were actually paying attention or just looking for an excuse to throw our attention off your own inadequacy, but I was consistently beating the shit out of that comedy-quoting unoriginal, side-show freak douchebag before HHW ended. The only way I can imagine you could've interpreted me protecting him is if I pushed you out of the way from attacking him because I wanted to beat his ass a little fucking more. As for Geno, I believe he was Neo Anderson's tag team partner. Therefore, guilty by association. And as for Lantlas, I have no need to protect him. According to my records, he's handled you every time you've come after him, so he wouldn't need my assistance anyway. Now, the real reason you're angry isn't because of HHW, go ahead and admit that now. You're upset because a guy who hasn't been here that long is getting at title shot, and I can't help but agree with you a little bit.
Grimm? Phenomenal performer, long-time International champion, and respected by everyone in Pure Class Wrestling. No offense to the Gambit, because I do think he has a lot of potential, but he hasn't earned a world title shot quite yet. I don't think he's even been around for a month, has he? Usually you have to work your way up the ladder around here to earn a chance like that, and once again while I respect the Gambit, that ladder was pretty much skipped if he's already in a number one contender's match. I might feel like I'm subjecting myself to a 24-hour marathon of Kelly Kelly's greatest segments by saying this, but I can see Anthony Douglas's point of view on this one. While there are times where I want to pimpslap the guy for not shutting up about his issues with me in HHW, being around here for several months and posting an impressive record like he has, to see someone else come in and move right past him in less than a month could be a bit demoralizing.
On the other hand, this will definitely give Grimm a chance to not only extract revenge for the constant attacks over the past couple weeks, but it'll give him a chance to live up to his reputation, and hit the main-event with quite a bang. If he gets past Gambit, he'll be facing the winner of the Lantlas/Mikey Wright title unification match. We'll either see a rematch from a couple of weeks ago, or a match that's been done an insane amount of times since I've been around. There is one thing that is for sure, Deception will indeed be highlighted by this all-out brawl.
Speaking of Deception, Douglas will have his hands full there as he takes on the most entertaining character from Boy Meets World. It's always good when characters from shows that have been off for seven years come back and get into professional wrestling. My prediction for that matchup is Hunter will need to call upon Frankie and Vader and pray to God that he doesn't say anything stupid, because in the mood Anthony Douglas is, he's liable to eat someone.
Opening the show, however, will be everyone who didn't get booked in a match fighting each other for a shot at Non Compos Mentis' title. Didn't they do something like this at the last Pay-Per-View? Why is the North American title the one that's being given free shots? Is there anyone in this match that can make Non Compos Mentis shut up about the Hardcore Hell match? OBSERVER TO NCM: WE GET IT! You've told us you won that Hardcore Hell match twenty-four times now, including twice before you went out and got embarrassed by Jade and 2Guys in the opening match of Trauma. How about you quit re-explaining what you did over a month ago and focus on what you've got now before Kaden Keene takes that title from around your waist? If it means you'll start talking about something different, I'll place my bets on Kaden two-to-one.
NCM will also be in action, teaming with one Ace Anderson against the Icons… er… Icon, I guess. It’s kind of like Edge, only I consistently watch his matches. Jokes aside, Kaden Keene has been fighting his ass off in order to earn some respect around here. James Keenan has been watching too many Fantastic Four cartoons, because I think he’s trying to be the invisible woman. I haven’t seen much of that guy in quite a while, and if he’s not focused, against two competitors like Ace Anderson and Non Compos Mentis, his team isn’t going to stand much of a chance. By that time, however, Keene might have already done his damage by stripping NCM of his dearest possession, and that could play in his favor if NCM reacts the wrong way.
The World Title and International title will indeed be combined as “The Elven Warrior” and “Mr. Showtime” will likely close the show with a climactic and epic showdown. By the time this match goes on, they will know who the winner will be competing against in the main event of the next Pay-Per-View. I don’t know if anyone would actually look forward to facing Grimm for a championship, but that will indeed be determined in this match-up. Overall, this is a very solid card with the potential of several upsets and title changes. This will all happen in two weeks, because the Icey Awards will be giving everyone a much-needed week off in order to raise a few peoples’ self esteem for their consistently hard work. I’ve received an offer to present an award at the show, and my hope is to present an award to Blade, just so I can be there when everyone wants to jam their ears with razor blades to stop the pain of listening to him talk.
FREE-FLOWING HOSTILITY
Taking after one of the greatest comedians in the history of the world, this is where I will let out some of my non-PCW aggression with a series of minor and major cultural items I am bored with, tired of, and pissed at. So I hope you’re ready for a little random Laiman anger.
PEOPLE WHO SAY THE MOVIE “V FOR VENDETTA” IS PRO-TERRORIST
Okay, there are some of the conservatives who will literally look for someone attacking them, and if they see anything even remotely questionable, they immediately assume it’s about the dumbfuck in office and take offense to it. They don’t bother to find out the background, or know anything about what they’re talking. “V For Vendetta” was written in England, pre-Thatcher. It had nothing to do with George W. Bush, and calling what V did in the movie “terrorism” is hypocritical. What that means is if you live in a totalitarian government, and you decide that rising up against this empire is the only means of having an impact, by their definition, that is terrorism? I guess George Washington was a terrorist too then, right? I believe that’s what he did. All the flag-waving fundamentalists stop and think about that? Likely not. I guess if the guy had been from another country and done these things, it could’ve been called “liberating” under their terms, right? Some people are so ethnocentric that they automatically assume everything revolves around them. Wake the fuck up and watch the goddamn movie for what it really is, a theatrical masterpiece.
PEOPLE WHO STALL IN YOUR STORE WHEN IT’S TEN MINUTES PAST CLOSING
Businesses have closing times. If you needed time to wander around, wasting your own time, come when it’s still light outside. When it’s fifteen minutes til closing, and the people there just want to go home, that is not the time to be talking on your cell phone for thirty minutes while being incredibly indecisive about what you want from that store. Especially when your wife has been yelling at you for ten minutes: “THEY’RE CLOSING UP!” Also, if you didn’t know you needed a membership to rent movies from Blockbuster, you need psychiatric care. Ten minutes after we’re supposed to close, that’s the last thing we want to be doing. Thank you so much. I absolutely love when I have no time to do my closing duties because of stupid people!
BIG SHOW’S OPPONENTS FOR THE ECW TITLE
Come on, when you have a roster of capable superstars, why do you keep bringing in WWE people to main-event your shows? Three weeks in a row, we’ve seen Ric Flair, Undertaker, and now Kane compete for the ECW title against the Big Show. Don’t get me wrong, this week’s match especially was awesome, but it’s sad when you call it a new breed unleashed, and it’s nothing more than a third hour of RAW. Who’s the newcomer getting the biggest push? Test. Who has the title? Big Show. Who’s been running through real ECW stars like mad? Mike Knox. Finally Sabu will get a shot, but I doubt anyone else from the original ECW is going to get a bone. The one saving grace is coming next week though… CM PUNK!
LETTERS
LAIMAN: Okay, so I didn’t get any letters, so I brought my friend Triple H with me to keep me company. I contacted my good friends through several different former federations to throw me a bone, and Triple H and I will be answering their questions as they call in to entertain us.
TRIPLE H: Who the hell are you again?
LAIMAN: I’m your son from the future.
TRIPLE H: I thought we had a girl?
LAIMAN: Just trust me. Caller, you’re on the air. What’s your name?
CALLER 1: Yeah, my name is Matt.
LAIMAN: Where are you from, Matt?
CALLER 1: Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.
LAIMAN: What’s your question for Al Laiman and Triple H?
CALLER 1: I wanted to ask Triple H why his wife looks like Chyna.
TRIPLE H: Hey motherfucker, Vince does NOT look like Chyna! Just for that, I’m taking another zero out of Rob Van Dam’s paycheck. Feel the sting, bitch!
LAIMAN: I think he meant Stephanie, H.
TRIPLE H: Oh… Um… She looks like Chyna? I never saw that before… Stop making me think about things, Matt!
LAIMAN: Next caller… Hi, you’re on the air.
CALLER 2: What’s up, Al?
LAIMAN: Not a whole lot here, what’s your name?
CALLER 2: My name is Stephanie.
LAIMAN: How ironic… Another Stephanie.
TRIPLE H: Why’s that ironic?
LAIMAN: Just… nevermind. Stephanie, where are you from?
CALLER 2: I’m from Dillsburg, Pennsylvania.
LAIMAN: What’s your question tonight?
CALLER 2: My question’s for you, Al. I noticed in your last column, you took lots of shots at Kelly Kelly from ECW. My boyfriend’s 20, and seems to enjoy the show she does. What’s wrong with it?
TRIPLE H: Who’s Kelly Kelly?
LAIMAN: She’s in ECW.
TRIPLE H: What?
LAIMAN: You know, the new show on Tuesday nights?
TRIPLE H: I thought Smackdown was on Friday.
LAIMAN: Stop talking. Stephanie, the reason I, and many others, hate Kelly Kelly is not about her being attractive. It’s about her being in ECW, and also for the fact that she hasn’t changed her routine or her song once. It’s a blasphemization to the very idea that is ECW, and definitely not the place we tune in to see bad strippers. Next call. Caller, what’s your name?
CALLER 3: Anthony Douglas... who the hell do you think it is? Look at your call screen, jackass!
TRIPLE H: That guy sounds angry.
LAIMAN: Trust me, tip of the iceberg. So Anthony, what’s grinding your gears tonight?
CALLER 3: This entire (censor) coming up at this PPV. Who the hell in their right mind gave a man with one damn fight a #1 contender's shot for the PCW Championship?
LAIMAN: Believe it or not, I actually agree with you on this one. Fortunately for the sake of my inbox, I had nothing to do with the booking of that particular stipulation.
TRIPLE H: Did he sleep with the boss’s daughter?
LAIMAN: No, otherwise it would’ve made sense… Not that anyone in this room has done that to get ahead before or anything… So, my guess Douglas, what do you plan to do about this “travesty”?
CALLER 3: Well, Hunter… we all know how your ass got to the top. It wasn't talent. You banged that Boss' daughter raw and have been on top ever since. What am I going to do? I'm personally gonna turn the Captain's fat existence a living nightmare! I sincerely hope his wrestlers have good medical plans, son. Because first Sean Hunter's gonna need it, then the Captain's gonna need it.
TRIPLE H: Hey, I divorced Stephanie back in 2002!
LAIMAN: H, this isn’t RAW. We all know you’re still married and just had a child.
TRIPLE H: That’s not true, we’re feuding with Vince.
LAIMAN: Give it up, man. Everyone knows. Now Douglas, the way I look at this is, you can either cry about your miscarriage or keep on drinking. How about instead of going after the Captain, you go after those undeserving parties and make yourself an impact! God knows you have no remorse about attacking people for no reason.
CALLER 3: The Captain makes this sh*t happen. There isn't a snowball's chance in hell I'm going let his ass get away with insulting me the way he has. Fire me, I'll hunt him down. Arrest me... hell, I've been there before. He keeps lining up these pieces of human garbage in front of me like Sean Hunter, Geriatric Jameson or the undeserving Andreas Lasiewicz and I'll keep knocking them down. Hell, he can put you in front of me, and I'll your ass out too! Anthony Douglas told him once, I'll say it again. I'll bring the ass kicking, he'll supply the ass! And when the dust clears and I get the shot, you're looking at the next PCW Champion! What scares the hell out of him is he knows I'm right and he knows I'll take the entire PCW on the one trip to Hell that I'm on.
LAIMAN: This message, of course, is brought to you by Dr. Napier’s stress relief. When Anthony Douglas feels anxiety coming on, through the help of Dr. Napier, he handles it calmly and collectively.
TRIPLE H: But he sounded really angry to me.
LAIMAN: H, let me ask you a question.
TRIPLE H: Ask the Game, Al. Ask the Game.
LAIMAN: When you gave yourself the new nickname, “King of Kings”, were you attempting to say you were in the same league as Jesus?
TRIPLE H: Are you kidding? I’m better than Jesus! Hell, if God had showed up to that Backlash match against the McMahons, I would’ve come to the ring and refused to put him over, even if my afterlife existence depended on it! I’m just that damn good!
LAIMAN: And with that, before the calls from the pissed off listeners start coming in, we’re gonna wrap this up. Remember to eat your cereal with a fork, and do your homework in the dark.
Trauma [54] - July 26th, 2006
OOC NOTE: I really hope I don't need this disclaimer after this column. However, the mood I'm in, I feel it's necessary. This column, with ANYTHING related to PCW is COMPLETELY, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT IN-CHARACTER! Enough said.
Welcome back, for the second edition if "In Laiman's Terms". You'll notice my title is not as jovial as usual, and in that case, if you're not quite down with a cynic's point-of-view, or if blatant and dry sarcasm is mildly offensive to you, I suggest hitting the back button on your browser and escaping this page before I say something to piss you off. In the mood I'm in, quite frankly I don't care. Last week, my edition of ILT was mostly a recap column... This week, I've got far too much to say and no other place to let it out, so let's get rolling and see what happened this week in the world of Pure Class Wrestling.
Deception is arriving soon, and several people are excited. One who is not, however, is Anthony Douglas. There's a shock. The last time Anthony Douglas was excited was when he was being born and saw a light in front of his eyes. However, eight seconds after birth, he was immediately lashing out at the doctor for slapping his ass, thus returning twenty years later to beat him with a baseball bat. Mr. "Put on a Happy Face" has taken this week off in order to throw words out against me once again, claiming that in HHW, all I did was protect my friends Lantlas, Neo Anderson, and Geno. Anthony, how can I put this to you in a way that only a fellow cynic would understand...
NEO ANDERSON AND I ARE NOT FRIENDS! WE NEVER HAVE BEEN, WE NEVER WILL BE!
Ah, that felt good to say. Anthony, I don't know if you were actually paying attention or just looking for an excuse to throw our attention off your own inadequacy, but I was consistently beating the shit out of that comedy-quoting unoriginal, side-show freak douchebag before HHW ended. The only way I can imagine you could've interpreted me protecting him is if I pushed you out of the way from attacking him because I wanted to beat his ass a little fucking more. As for Geno, I believe he was Neo Anderson's tag team partner. Therefore, guilty by association. And as for Lantlas, I have no need to protect him. According to my records, he's handled you every time you've come after him, so he wouldn't need my assistance anyway. Now, the real reason you're angry isn't because of HHW, go ahead and admit that now. You're upset because a guy who hasn't been here that long is getting at title shot, and I can't help but agree with you a little bit.
Grimm? Phenomenal performer, long-time International champion, and respected by everyone in Pure Class Wrestling. No offense to the Gambit, because I do think he has a lot of potential, but he hasn't earned a world title shot quite yet. I don't think he's even been around for a month, has he? Usually you have to work your way up the ladder around here to earn a chance like that, and once again while I respect the Gambit, that ladder was pretty much skipped if he's already in a number one contender's match. I might feel like I'm subjecting myself to a 24-hour marathon of Kelly Kelly's greatest segments by saying this, but I can see Anthony Douglas's point of view on this one. While there are times where I want to pimpslap the guy for not shutting up about his issues with me in HHW, being around here for several months and posting an impressive record like he has, to see someone else come in and move right past him in less than a month could be a bit demoralizing.
On the other hand, this will definitely give Grimm a chance to not only extract revenge for the constant attacks over the past couple weeks, but it'll give him a chance to live up to his reputation, and hit the main-event with quite a bang. If he gets past Gambit, he'll be facing the winner of the Lantlas/Mikey Wright title unification match. We'll either see a rematch from a couple of weeks ago, or a match that's been done an insane amount of times since I've been around. There is one thing that is for sure, Deception will indeed be highlighted by this all-out brawl.
Speaking of Deception, Douglas will have his hands full there as he takes on the most entertaining character from Boy Meets World. It's always good when characters from shows that have been off for seven years come back and get into professional wrestling. My prediction for that matchup is Hunter will need to call upon Frankie and Vader and pray to God that he doesn't say anything stupid, because in the mood Anthony Douglas is, he's liable to eat someone.
Opening the show, however, will be everyone who didn't get booked in a match fighting each other for a shot at Non Compos Mentis' title. Didn't they do something like this at the last Pay-Per-View? Why is the North American title the one that's being given free shots? Is there anyone in this match that can make Non Compos Mentis shut up about the Hardcore Hell match? OBSERVER TO NCM: WE GET IT! You've told us you won that Hardcore Hell match twenty-four times now, including twice before you went out and got embarrassed by Jade and 2Guys in the opening match of Trauma. How about you quit re-explaining what you did over a month ago and focus on what you've got now before Kaden Keene takes that title from around your waist? If it means you'll start talking about something different, I'll place my bets on Kaden two-to-one.
NCM will also be in action, teaming with one Ace Anderson against the Icons… er… Icon, I guess. It’s kind of like Edge, only I consistently watch his matches. Jokes aside, Kaden Keene has been fighting his ass off in order to earn some respect around here. James Keenan has been watching too many Fantastic Four cartoons, because I think he’s trying to be the invisible woman. I haven’t seen much of that guy in quite a while, and if he’s not focused, against two competitors like Ace Anderson and Non Compos Mentis, his team isn’t going to stand much of a chance. By that time, however, Keene might have already done his damage by stripping NCM of his dearest possession, and that could play in his favor if NCM reacts the wrong way.
The World Title and International title will indeed be combined as “The Elven Warrior” and “Mr. Showtime” will likely close the show with a climactic and epic showdown. By the time this match goes on, they will know who the winner will be competing against in the main event of the next Pay-Per-View. I don’t know if anyone would actually look forward to facing Grimm for a championship, but that will indeed be determined in this match-up. Overall, this is a very solid card with the potential of several upsets and title changes. This will all happen in two weeks, because the Icey Awards will be giving everyone a much-needed week off in order to raise a few peoples’ self esteem for their consistently hard work. I’ve received an offer to present an award at the show, and my hope is to present an award to Blade, just so I can be there when everyone wants to jam their ears with razor blades to stop the pain of listening to him talk.
FREE-FLOWING HOSTILITY
Taking after one of the greatest comedians in the history of the world, this is where I will let out some of my non-PCW aggression with a series of minor and major cultural items I am bored with, tired of, and pissed at. So I hope you’re ready for a little random Laiman anger.
PEOPLE WHO SAY THE MOVIE “V FOR VENDETTA” IS PRO-TERRORIST
Okay, there are some of the conservatives who will literally look for someone attacking them, and if they see anything even remotely questionable, they immediately assume it’s about the dumbfuck in office and take offense to it. They don’t bother to find out the background, or know anything about what they’re talking. “V For Vendetta” was written in England, pre-Thatcher. It had nothing to do with George W. Bush, and calling what V did in the movie “terrorism” is hypocritical. What that means is if you live in a totalitarian government, and you decide that rising up against this empire is the only means of having an impact, by their definition, that is terrorism? I guess George Washington was a terrorist too then, right? I believe that’s what he did. All the flag-waving fundamentalists stop and think about that? Likely not. I guess if the guy had been from another country and done these things, it could’ve been called “liberating” under their terms, right? Some people are so ethnocentric that they automatically assume everything revolves around them. Wake the fuck up and watch the goddamn movie for what it really is, a theatrical masterpiece.
PEOPLE WHO STALL IN YOUR STORE WHEN IT’S TEN MINUTES PAST CLOSING
Businesses have closing times. If you needed time to wander around, wasting your own time, come when it’s still light outside. When it’s fifteen minutes til closing, and the people there just want to go home, that is not the time to be talking on your cell phone for thirty minutes while being incredibly indecisive about what you want from that store. Especially when your wife has been yelling at you for ten minutes: “THEY’RE CLOSING UP!” Also, if you didn’t know you needed a membership to rent movies from Blockbuster, you need psychiatric care. Ten minutes after we’re supposed to close, that’s the last thing we want to be doing. Thank you so much. I absolutely love when I have no time to do my closing duties because of stupid people!
BIG SHOW’S OPPONENTS FOR THE ECW TITLE
Come on, when you have a roster of capable superstars, why do you keep bringing in WWE people to main-event your shows? Three weeks in a row, we’ve seen Ric Flair, Undertaker, and now Kane compete for the ECW title against the Big Show. Don’t get me wrong, this week’s match especially was awesome, but it’s sad when you call it a new breed unleashed, and it’s nothing more than a third hour of RAW. Who’s the newcomer getting the biggest push? Test. Who has the title? Big Show. Who’s been running through real ECW stars like mad? Mike Knox. Finally Sabu will get a shot, but I doubt anyone else from the original ECW is going to get a bone. The one saving grace is coming next week though… CM PUNK!
LETTERS
LAIMAN: Okay, so I didn’t get any letters, so I brought my friend Triple H with me to keep me company. I contacted my good friends through several different former federations to throw me a bone, and Triple H and I will be answering their questions as they call in to entertain us.
TRIPLE H: Who the hell are you again?
LAIMAN: I’m your son from the future.
TRIPLE H: I thought we had a girl?
LAIMAN: Just trust me. Caller, you’re on the air. What’s your name?
CALLER 1: Yeah, my name is Matt.
LAIMAN: Where are you from, Matt?
CALLER 1: Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.
LAIMAN: What’s your question for Al Laiman and Triple H?
CALLER 1: I wanted to ask Triple H why his wife looks like Chyna.
TRIPLE H: Hey motherfucker, Vince does NOT look like Chyna! Just for that, I’m taking another zero out of Rob Van Dam’s paycheck. Feel the sting, bitch!
LAIMAN: I think he meant Stephanie, H.
TRIPLE H: Oh… Um… She looks like Chyna? I never saw that before… Stop making me think about things, Matt!
LAIMAN: Next caller… Hi, you’re on the air.
CALLER 2: What’s up, Al?
LAIMAN: Not a whole lot here, what’s your name?
CALLER 2: My name is Stephanie.
LAIMAN: How ironic… Another Stephanie.
TRIPLE H: Why’s that ironic?
LAIMAN: Just… nevermind. Stephanie, where are you from?
CALLER 2: I’m from Dillsburg, Pennsylvania.
LAIMAN: What’s your question tonight?
CALLER 2: My question’s for you, Al. I noticed in your last column, you took lots of shots at Kelly Kelly from ECW. My boyfriend’s 20, and seems to enjoy the show she does. What’s wrong with it?
TRIPLE H: Who’s Kelly Kelly?
LAIMAN: She’s in ECW.
TRIPLE H: What?
LAIMAN: You know, the new show on Tuesday nights?
TRIPLE H: I thought Smackdown was on Friday.
LAIMAN: Stop talking. Stephanie, the reason I, and many others, hate Kelly Kelly is not about her being attractive. It’s about her being in ECW, and also for the fact that she hasn’t changed her routine or her song once. It’s a blasphemization to the very idea that is ECW, and definitely not the place we tune in to see bad strippers. Next call. Caller, what’s your name?
CALLER 3: Anthony Douglas... who the hell do you think it is? Look at your call screen, jackass!
TRIPLE H: That guy sounds angry.
LAIMAN: Trust me, tip of the iceberg. So Anthony, what’s grinding your gears tonight?
CALLER 3: This entire (censor) coming up at this PPV. Who the hell in their right mind gave a man with one damn fight a #1 contender's shot for the PCW Championship?
LAIMAN: Believe it or not, I actually agree with you on this one. Fortunately for the sake of my inbox, I had nothing to do with the booking of that particular stipulation.
TRIPLE H: Did he sleep with the boss’s daughter?
LAIMAN: No, otherwise it would’ve made sense… Not that anyone in this room has done that to get ahead before or anything… So, my guess Douglas, what do you plan to do about this “travesty”?
CALLER 3: Well, Hunter… we all know how your ass got to the top. It wasn't talent. You banged that Boss' daughter raw and have been on top ever since. What am I going to do? I'm personally gonna turn the Captain's fat existence a living nightmare! I sincerely hope his wrestlers have good medical plans, son. Because first Sean Hunter's gonna need it, then the Captain's gonna need it.
TRIPLE H: Hey, I divorced Stephanie back in 2002!
LAIMAN: H, this isn’t RAW. We all know you’re still married and just had a child.
TRIPLE H: That’s not true, we’re feuding with Vince.
LAIMAN: Give it up, man. Everyone knows. Now Douglas, the way I look at this is, you can either cry about your miscarriage or keep on drinking. How about instead of going after the Captain, you go after those undeserving parties and make yourself an impact! God knows you have no remorse about attacking people for no reason.
CALLER 3: The Captain makes this sh*t happen. There isn't a snowball's chance in hell I'm going let his ass get away with insulting me the way he has. Fire me, I'll hunt him down. Arrest me... hell, I've been there before. He keeps lining up these pieces of human garbage in front of me like Sean Hunter, Geriatric Jameson or the undeserving Andreas Lasiewicz and I'll keep knocking them down. Hell, he can put you in front of me, and I'll your ass out too! Anthony Douglas told him once, I'll say it again. I'll bring the ass kicking, he'll supply the ass! And when the dust clears and I get the shot, you're looking at the next PCW Champion! What scares the hell out of him is he knows I'm right and he knows I'll take the entire PCW on the one trip to Hell that I'm on.
LAIMAN: This message, of course, is brought to you by Dr. Napier’s stress relief. When Anthony Douglas feels anxiety coming on, through the help of Dr. Napier, he handles it calmly and collectively.
TRIPLE H: But he sounded really angry to me.
LAIMAN: H, let me ask you a question.
TRIPLE H: Ask the Game, Al. Ask the Game.
LAIMAN: When you gave yourself the new nickname, “King of Kings”, were you attempting to say you were in the same league as Jesus?
TRIPLE H: Are you kidding? I’m better than Jesus! Hell, if God had showed up to that Backlash match against the McMahons, I would’ve come to the ring and refused to put him over, even if my afterlife existence depended on it! I’m just that damn good!
LAIMAN: And with that, before the calls from the pissed off listeners start coming in, we’re gonna wrap this up. Remember to eat your cereal with a fork, and do your homework in the dark.