Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2006 10:04:13 GMT -5
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS - FIFTH EDITION
September 7th, 2006
OOC NOTE: Before I get started here, on a personal and out-of-character note, I'd just like to say that I am very excited! I'm having a son! I know, I've already posted it twice, but I'm still really really thrilled to death!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNYWAY, hello nitwits and dumbfucks, so nice to have such an illegitimate audience back once again, and I'm proud to do my duty to remind you of how worthless your life really is. Some ponder the existence of God, while I try to calculate how long it would take for him to lose in a Hardcore Hell match... Err, I guess we're not talking about God, we're talking about Ace Anderson... Same idea, though, considering one thinks he's the other. "Greatness in the Flesh" should be the name of a porn movie, not a wrestler. He might as well call up Digital Horizons right now and have a meeting, because I'm sure they can fit the Exemplifier in there and make it a helluva lot more interesting than sitting through one of his matches.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen... Living a Legacy is here, and it's the last time I'll have to waste my energy gracing your ring with the presence of someone who is so far above you all that you're lucky when I do show up. It's not often you get to be in the same building with someone as great as I am, and at Living a Legacy, the locker room and those who paid to see me will get that privlidge. However, I've got to say something to booking... Who the hell booked us in the middle of the card? You're putting a Hardcore Hell match with the greatest wrestler in the history of mankind before Andreas Lasiewicz and Justin Michaels? Are you trying to make them go home before the event is over? How are two half-witted jerkoffs going to follow someone who actually has talent? Logic, booking... Logic!
Nothing says a stacked card like five whole matches. Actually, let me correct myself... Four matches, and one for the special kids thrown together just so they didn't feel left out. Let's try to stretch this for three hours... Maybe they'll make me prolong my inevitable beatdown of the Ace of Spades... You know, to make it look like he has a chance. I'm sure the eight Ace marks around the world will get a kick out of actually believing Ace might win. Oh wait, that's right... Everyone in PCW is an Ace mark, aren't they? Predictions are going against me a hundred percent, and I have to say that I didn't realize this place consisted entirely of the Eugene Dinsmore fan club, but you've really opened up my eyes. Shame I'll be leaving this place, for there's more fodder here than Courtney Love appearing in public. But let's take a look at Living a Legacy, and let's see the opinions of someone who really matters for a change.
Match One
Wildcard Tag Team Battle Royal
The winners will be the last two standing. They'll be granted a Tag Team Title Shot at Trauma [60]
Jade vs. The Prophet vs. Sean Hunter vs. Brad Moore vs. Anguish vs. Jackle vs. Menace vs. The Byrd vs. Bob Diehard
Referee: Tim Jones, Roberto Garcia, & Eddie Lane
Congratulations, kids... They didn't have anything for you, so you all get to fight each other to feel better about yourselves. The winners? Obviously not us. What is with Jade and all the battle royals? Hasn't she embarrassed the part of the roster who doesn't deserve to wear wrestling boots enough? Now, the eighth battle royal she's in, there's a stipulation. If she wins this one, she can become the number one contender to TWO championships! That's right, didn't she win the number one contendership for the Genesis title at some point? I'm pretty sure that happened, but we all know how things get mixed up around here. Her competition and potential partners? The Prophet, former tag team champion, most recently of course after being carried by someone who actually knows how to wrestle, and that's of course because he used to work for me. Proof of that came last week when he was owned, despite having the "best wrestler in PCW" as a tag team partner. Prophet, I suggest you throw yourself out and save Jade the time of dragging your pathetic carcass around the ring. Sean Hunter? Nothing says ratings like Sean Hunter in a battle royal. I'd follow that with an analysis of sorts, but I don't have the time to discuss someone who sucks more than Ace Anderson in a title match. Brad Moore? Anguish? Jackle? Menace? The Byrd? Who the hell are they? And Bob Diehard? Did they cross the opening match with the contestants for the Price is Right again? I hate it when that happens.
FOR THE WIN: Tim Jones, Roberto Garcia, & Eddie Lane ... At least they're getting paid to watch this atrocity.
Match Two
North American Championship Match
Fatal Four-Way Match
Non Compos Mentis (c) vs. Seth Sinn vs. Kaden Keene vs. James Keenan
Referee: Steve Shaw
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Seth, the former HHW champion, has now deteriorated into someone who will likely get defeated by ICON! Maybe NCM stands a chance, but... We all know that ICON will want to celebrate later, and if one of them wins, who knows which Motel 6 will have the privlidge of cleaning that mess up?
FOR THE WIN: ICON Either of those ICON idiots, and as quick as possible... Just to get them off my screen.
Match Three
Hardcore Hell Match
Retirement Match
Ace Anderson vs. Al Laiman
Referee: Travis Wilson
Match three of five... Match three of fucking five, are you kidding me? And you give me Travis Wilson to officiate this match? Why didn't you get a real referee? Oh that's right, PCW doesn't hire many people with testicles anymore, do they? You can tell by looking at the list of Pre-HHW-era world champions... Nothing says buyrates like Landon Divine. And finally, of course, win or... well, not lose, because we all know that's not going to happen... I'm outta here, and I'm taking this piece of crap has-been with me. All you Ace worshippers will simply have to deal with the fact that he's gone and find someone else's ass to kiss. I hear Chrissy Johnson might be returning... At least you'll have someone with experience of having mouths in places that should never be seen by the naked eye.
FOR THE WIN: Are you kidding me? I'm gonna make a fortune off of all you dumb sacks of shit for betting against me!
Match Four
Icemann Invitational Finals
Singles Match
"The Gambit" Andreas Lasiewicz vs. Justin "Stormm" Michaels
Referee: Tyrone Little
This is the best the Icey Invitational had to offer? As if it's not bad enough that we have another drunkard wandering the ring and throwing bottles at people, but we have to have Hurricane Helms, the Sequel? Oh, I'm sorry... I guess he didn't specify what storm he was... Would you prefer Tornado Timmy? Hailstorm Hal? Scattered Showers Sal? Partly Cloudy Clint? Whatever the hell you are, the only thing that's category six destruction is watching you attempt to be interesting, and you get to do it against a guy who's as mobile as Jared from Subway before he lost all the weight. Let me get this straight... One of THESE two will be challenging for a title? God help us all...
FOR THE WIN: Whoever the winner challenges for their pick of titles... Since obviously, they'll be getting a defend-your-title-without-risk card.
Match Five
World Championship Match
Singles Match
Lantlas (c) vs. Grimm
Referee: Richard Stevens
I'm responsible for this guy's success, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna see him lose to a guy who actually refers to himself as an abomination. That's more of a word to describe the strength of this card... but then again, I guess when someone can lose to Ace Anderson multiple times, Lantlas twice, and even Seth Sinn and still be considered the best wrestler in PCW, no one's really getting technical and challenging the meaning.
FOR THE WIN: Meb]... Since I'll already be out of the building before this show ends.
OVERALL GRADE: H- And yes, it is possible... Because I command it to be so, bitches. Have fun.
September 7th, 2006
OOC NOTE: Before I get started here, on a personal and out-of-character note, I'd just like to say that I am very excited! I'm having a son! I know, I've already posted it twice, but I'm still really really thrilled to death!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNYWAY, hello nitwits and dumbfucks, so nice to have such an illegitimate audience back once again, and I'm proud to do my duty to remind you of how worthless your life really is. Some ponder the existence of God, while I try to calculate how long it would take for him to lose in a Hardcore Hell match... Err, I guess we're not talking about God, we're talking about Ace Anderson... Same idea, though, considering one thinks he's the other. "Greatness in the Flesh" should be the name of a porn movie, not a wrestler. He might as well call up Digital Horizons right now and have a meeting, because I'm sure they can fit the Exemplifier in there and make it a helluva lot more interesting than sitting through one of his matches.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen... Living a Legacy is here, and it's the last time I'll have to waste my energy gracing your ring with the presence of someone who is so far above you all that you're lucky when I do show up. It's not often you get to be in the same building with someone as great as I am, and at Living a Legacy, the locker room and those who paid to see me will get that privlidge. However, I've got to say something to booking... Who the hell booked us in the middle of the card? You're putting a Hardcore Hell match with the greatest wrestler in the history of mankind before Andreas Lasiewicz and Justin Michaels? Are you trying to make them go home before the event is over? How are two half-witted jerkoffs going to follow someone who actually has talent? Logic, booking... Logic!
Nothing says a stacked card like five whole matches. Actually, let me correct myself... Four matches, and one for the special kids thrown together just so they didn't feel left out. Let's try to stretch this for three hours... Maybe they'll make me prolong my inevitable beatdown of the Ace of Spades... You know, to make it look like he has a chance. I'm sure the eight Ace marks around the world will get a kick out of actually believing Ace might win. Oh wait, that's right... Everyone in PCW is an Ace mark, aren't they? Predictions are going against me a hundred percent, and I have to say that I didn't realize this place consisted entirely of the Eugene Dinsmore fan club, but you've really opened up my eyes. Shame I'll be leaving this place, for there's more fodder here than Courtney Love appearing in public. But let's take a look at Living a Legacy, and let's see the opinions of someone who really matters for a change.
Match One
Wildcard Tag Team Battle Royal
The winners will be the last two standing. They'll be granted a Tag Team Title Shot at Trauma [60]
Jade vs. The Prophet vs. Sean Hunter vs. Brad Moore vs. Anguish vs. Jackle vs. Menace vs. The Byrd vs. Bob Diehard
Referee: Tim Jones, Roberto Garcia, & Eddie Lane
Congratulations, kids... They didn't have anything for you, so you all get to fight each other to feel better about yourselves. The winners? Obviously not us. What is with Jade and all the battle royals? Hasn't she embarrassed the part of the roster who doesn't deserve to wear wrestling boots enough? Now, the eighth battle royal she's in, there's a stipulation. If she wins this one, she can become the number one contender to TWO championships! That's right, didn't she win the number one contendership for the Genesis title at some point? I'm pretty sure that happened, but we all know how things get mixed up around here. Her competition and potential partners? The Prophet, former tag team champion, most recently of course after being carried by someone who actually knows how to wrestle, and that's of course because he used to work for me. Proof of that came last week when he was owned, despite having the "best wrestler in PCW" as a tag team partner. Prophet, I suggest you throw yourself out and save Jade the time of dragging your pathetic carcass around the ring. Sean Hunter? Nothing says ratings like Sean Hunter in a battle royal. I'd follow that with an analysis of sorts, but I don't have the time to discuss someone who sucks more than Ace Anderson in a title match. Brad Moore? Anguish? Jackle? Menace? The Byrd? Who the hell are they? And Bob Diehard? Did they cross the opening match with the contestants for the Price is Right again? I hate it when that happens.
FOR THE WIN: Tim Jones, Roberto Garcia, & Eddie Lane ... At least they're getting paid to watch this atrocity.
Match Two
North American Championship Match
Fatal Four-Way Match
Non Compos Mentis (c) vs. Seth Sinn vs. Kaden Keene vs. James Keenan
Referee: Steve Shaw
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Seth, the former HHW champion, has now deteriorated into someone who will likely get defeated by ICON! Maybe NCM stands a chance, but... We all know that ICON will want to celebrate later, and if one of them wins, who knows which Motel 6 will have the privlidge of cleaning that mess up?
FOR THE WIN: ICON Either of those ICON idiots, and as quick as possible... Just to get them off my screen.
Match Three
Hardcore Hell Match
Retirement Match
Ace Anderson vs. Al Laiman
Referee: Travis Wilson
Match three of five... Match three of fucking five, are you kidding me? And you give me Travis Wilson to officiate this match? Why didn't you get a real referee? Oh that's right, PCW doesn't hire many people with testicles anymore, do they? You can tell by looking at the list of Pre-HHW-era world champions... Nothing says buyrates like Landon Divine. And finally, of course, win or... well, not lose, because we all know that's not going to happen... I'm outta here, and I'm taking this piece of crap has-been with me. All you Ace worshippers will simply have to deal with the fact that he's gone and find someone else's ass to kiss. I hear Chrissy Johnson might be returning... At least you'll have someone with experience of having mouths in places that should never be seen by the naked eye.
FOR THE WIN: Are you kidding me? I'm gonna make a fortune off of all you dumb sacks of shit for betting against me!
Match Four
Icemann Invitational Finals
Singles Match
"The Gambit" Andreas Lasiewicz vs. Justin "Stormm" Michaels
Referee: Tyrone Little
This is the best the Icey Invitational had to offer? As if it's not bad enough that we have another drunkard wandering the ring and throwing bottles at people, but we have to have Hurricane Helms, the Sequel? Oh, I'm sorry... I guess he didn't specify what storm he was... Would you prefer Tornado Timmy? Hailstorm Hal? Scattered Showers Sal? Partly Cloudy Clint? Whatever the hell you are, the only thing that's category six destruction is watching you attempt to be interesting, and you get to do it against a guy who's as mobile as Jared from Subway before he lost all the weight. Let me get this straight... One of THESE two will be challenging for a title? God help us all...
FOR THE WIN: Whoever the winner challenges for their pick of titles... Since obviously, they'll be getting a defend-your-title-without-risk card.
Match Five
World Championship Match
Singles Match
Lantlas (c) vs. Grimm
Referee: Richard Stevens
I'm responsible for this guy's success, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna see him lose to a guy who actually refers to himself as an abomination. That's more of a word to describe the strength of this card... but then again, I guess when someone can lose to Ace Anderson multiple times, Lantlas twice, and even Seth Sinn and still be considered the best wrestler in PCW, no one's really getting technical and challenging the meaning.
FOR THE WIN: Meb]... Since I'll already be out of the building before this show ends.
OVERALL GRADE: H- And yes, it is possible... Because I command it to be so, bitches. Have fun.