Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2006 16:48:35 GMT -5
Tonight, I investigate the shenanigans behind a community outbreak. Are indy-wrestling terrorists behind it, or is it an inside job?
- mygreatesthour still hasn't made his infamous appearance. I will hunt him down, or he'll be something worse than dead to me... Oh yes, there is something worse. Chew on that, bucko!
-And finally, yours truly attended an indy show this past weekend. Fear not, my imminent followers, it's always good to know your enemy up close and personal.
An invasion is about to occur on the most sacred of lands. Communities everywhere have been flooded with outbreak and hatred towards one another, and guess who's there to take advantage of it by spinning it with a dose of truthiness? You're damn right he is. This is the KAF Report!
It's good to be back once again, Heroes. After a grueling week of fighting the good fight for Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I am proud to say that I survived my covert mission into enemy territory this past weekend. Some of you may think that I was on the road to converting to your anti-WWE agenda, but alas it's quite the opposite. You see, the reason I'm so successful is because I know my enemies better than they know themselves, which is why I was able to survive in such hostile territory, despite sticking out like a tall skinny guy amongst a group of shorter but more athletic professional wrestlers.
Witness exhibit A.
Yes, that's your fearless leader Moon Prism standing with the tag-team known as the Cleveland Mafia. Raymond Rowe and J-Rocc are two of the fastest rising stars in this communist promotion, but as you can see, even their biggest, most intimidating wrestler can only make the height of yours truly. Vince McMahon doesn't like short people who call themselves powerful, and if you think I'm kidding, flash back to earlier this year on Smackdown when the greatest power wrestler of all time, Mark Henry, defeated this Raymond Rowe in mere seconds of competition. Take a hint, Mr. Rowe! Just because you're eight times as talented as most power wrestlers today... just because you can make Kurt Angle and Taz look like amateurs when it comes to suplexes... and just because you can look like you don't want to be where you are at any given time does not mean you've got one up on us loyal Stamfordinians. Vincent Kennedy McMahon will guide us through any peril, and that includes one of your death-defying flipping German suplexes, Mister. Watch yourself.
Witness Exhibit B
Look at that! Our enemies have their defenses so laid back that they'll let me catch them in action! Sebastian Dark, a member of the IWC's feared Unholy Alliance, came to the Carriage Inn at the after show, and actually let me photograph him with an alcoholic beverage! A Corona, nonetheless... Those greedy Mexican ales are just trying to take work away from the American breweries. So not only does Mr. Dark approve of being caught on camera with an alcoholic beverage, but he's supporting un-American beer agenda as well. Let me make this perfectly clear, Mr. Dark... No one who makes it in WWE has a substance abuse problem of any kind! Great names such as Roddy Piper, Steve Austin, the Sandman, and Ric Flair would never touch an alcoholic beverage if their lives depended on it. That's what makes a great wrestler, Mr. Dark, and you're just out there to prove that you're in direct support of the independent wrestling circuit. How dare you try to take food off the table from Aurora Rose? You make me sick, sir!
Now, while attending this indy show, I noticed something else. This was my fourth trip to examine these commie bastards, and apparently we'd been recognized by at least one of the Reds. A fellow that my partner-in-crime <lj user="fallnangelspike"> seem to locate at these shows every time has decided to declare war on us. He's trying to instigate a pre-emptive strike against us for doing absolutely nothing but observing our enemy in a completely non-conspicuous way, as it seems our crosstown rival, the <lj comm="wwe"> has had a few instances of unprovoked attacks against KAF Brigaders, which brings us to tonight's word...
EXTREMIST
This past June, the WWE roster was plagued with a new influx of superstars that have dubbed themselves "extremists". Even though they frown upon extreme rules matches. What did these wrestlers do to earn the title? They defied all the rules and invaded the holy land of our WWE. All Hail Christopher DeJosephs? This landed them their own brand on television on Tuesday nights. Watch out House, it's the newfound power! What does this teach the children of America? It says that if they drink beer and hit each other with weapons, they'll end up with their own television show as well. Worked for Bam Margera... unfortunately for us. With those kinds of morals and standards, what nobody realizes is that it's all just a mockery of TNA, ROH, and all the other traitors that you seem to follow. ECW is the imitation of all the indy circuits around the country. Is that why Punk's there? They're showing them what happens when you go high-risk. Hardcore Holly in the main event? It never pans out in the end, and Vincent Kennedy McMahon will always be standing by your fallen corpse of a federation tall and proud.
This can be applied to both my situation at the independent show, and some of your situations in the other community. We frequently have our issues with those claiming that we're nothing more than idiots ruining the state of wrestling, but in the end, it's just them trying to distract us from what our goal really is. Sanity? Banning extremists will not make anybody's situation better, because who then would remind us exactly why we need a community like this? I sux at analogies. Face it, whenever there's something fun going on, there's always going to be someone there to ruin it. Giving Cena back the title, anyone? Since when should someone be kicked out of an organization just because they violated the rules? That's why they're there, isn't it? It's far much more fun to watch them embarrass themselves, because that way, they won't want to come back. By banning them, they'll find a way to get back into the community and they'll ruin it for everyone. Who knew the DX ending would be a curse? At the end of the day, we know where we stand... United in the Brigade dedicated to preserving the legacy of the greatness of Vincent McMahon. And that's the Word.
Now, due to the state of the union against the extremists, several of the Brigaders are wishing to speak out about how they feel on the situation. Therefore, this is the third-of-sixty-something of the series entitled "Better Know a Brigader". Tonight's guest, please introduce yourself.
zomg_its_nikkie- I'm Nikkie. I've been a KAF'er from the very beginning. I live in Charleston, SC.
moonprism- Okay, Nikkie from SC. I have a feeling that your involvement means that SC stands for "Supports Communists", but you'll have the chance to defend yourself here, I assure you. Tell me first of all, why are you trying to kill Aurora Rose by taking money out of Vince McMahon's pockets?
zomg_its_nikkie- Vince has deep pockets as it is already. I'm sure Aurora and his other two grandchildren will never want for anything.
moonprism- Skirting the issue in typical traitor fashion, Nikkie. We're already off to a rocky start here. What do you have against infant children that would cause to take such measures?
zomg_its_nikkie- I'm childfree, but I'm not against children. Although screaming babies do set my teeth on edge.
moonprism- That's what all babies do, Nikkie. You're telling me you're supporting these communist independent circuits because you can't stand the cry of Vince's innocent grandchild? Does that mean you're going to steal cookies from your own child when the time comes? What kind of example are you setting for your fellow KAFers here? They could be children too, you know!
zomg_its_nikkie- Seeing how I'm childfree, I won't be having my own children. That what childfree means. People who don't have kids...by choice.
moonprism- You heard it here, folks. The one coming to your defense against the community extremists is herself anti-children and thinks they should all starve to death in front of their grandfathers. Let's see what the fellow call-in Brigaders have to say about this? Caller number one, who's there?
scott_parker- Scott Parker from England.
moonprism- Mr. Parker, I believe you're a first-time caller. Before we answer your questions, I have one for you. Are you anti-children like the guest tonight?
scott_parker- Only brats in public who go "I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!".
moonprism- This just in... English wrestling fan wishes painful death upon hungry children. Anyway, what is your question tonight, communist?
scott_parker- Well, what I want to know is why WWE didn't treat Kurt and his brother Kirt right. They are both just about the best thing to ever happen to Pro wrestling and they just misused them 90% of the time. So why do they push plebs like Mark Henry instead?
zomg_its_nikkie- Oh god, good question. WWE always wastes good talent such as Kurt and Kirt. I mean look how long it took them to give Beniot the title. Plus we all know Vince has orgasms everythime a large man like Mark Henry or Umaga wrestles. And if we're talking about pushing plebs, WHY the fuck does Jeff Hardy have the IC title again? Why does he even have a job again?
moonprism- News from the Report... Anti-Children Brigader supports people getting fired. You've already flip-flopped yourself here, Benedecia Arnold... You complain about two tremendous power talents like Mark Henry and Umaga, then turn around and attack someone half their size on a completely different notion. And these are the people who say they could book the show better...
zomg_its_nikkie- Yes, but like Mark Henry, Jeff Hardy has no talent. Mark is slow and boring in the ring, while Jeff is crackheaded spot monkey in the ring. The fans like a wrestler who can do a variety, like CM Punk or Benoit.
moonprism- And I suppose those cheers I hear every time Jeff Hardy's music hits are just fabricated by the pretend fans trying to ruin Vince McMahon's career, right?
zomg_its_nikkie- They are a lots of IT multiplied to fill an entire ring. WWE cloned IT so that she could be their Jeff Hardy supporter
moonprism- No wonder you're anti-children. You're one of those cloning fiends, aren't you? Well Miss Nikkie, for someone claiming to be for banning the extremists, you're sure turning into one yourself by making attacks against an intelligent, note-worthy member of the internet wrestling community, aren't you? What exactly separates you from them? What makes you a Brigader and not an extremist?
zomg_its_nikkie- I too think Morbs and Coma suck at MODing. And like a Brigader, I'm open minded when it comes to wrestling and I don't just become Vince's sheep.
moonprism- You can deny it all you want, but we all know you secretly melt every time Christopher DeJosephs appears on RAW. It's the American way, and not even a strong-minded freedom-hating individual like you can stop yourself. Let's take another call, who's there this time?
jinxedraven- Hey, this is jinxedraven from good ol' Jersey.
moonprism- I didn't know there was such a place that could be described as "good" in Jersey, but I guess some of us have standards. What's your question this evening?
jinxedraven- My question is who is this Banning Extremist? Is it Paul Heyman, the Messiah of ECW educating us, his children, about what we want?
zomg_its_nikkie- No, Paul Heyman has turned his back on us. He stopped drinking his own Kool Aid. He let Vince McMahon turn the new ECW into shit. The new ECW is nothing but RAW lite. Paul needs to step up, and take back the control of ECW and tell McMahon and Johnny Ace to kiss his ass. I mean look at what's become of Joey Styles. They are having him announce like JR for fuck's sake! Tommy Dreamer and Sandman are horribly misued. Francine has been fired, Jazz is no where to be seen, and the list of ECW atrocities goes on and on.
moonprism- The new ECW is nothing more than a lite version of the greatest wrestling show in the history of the world? Please, with a lineup featuring Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari tonight, how can you even begin to tell me it's not the rebirth of extreme? Paulie guides us into wrestling modernization, and he's leaving the hopeless and unloyal behind!
zomg_its_nikkie- Daivari is a RAW/SD star. He, like many others now on the ECW roster, do not belong there. ECW should be just that. ECW. Keep the former RAW and SD stars on RAW and SD. Stop putting them in a show they don't belong on. Paulie USED to guide us. Now it's Vince doing the guiding.
moonprism- Correct me if I'm wrong, but if they made it just ECW, wouldn't it fall under the greatness of Vince McMahon and WWE once again, just like it did in 2001?
zomg_its_nikkie- The old ECW failed because of money issues and becaue TNN screwed them while they were on their channel. ECW lasted a good long long time before it fell. I believe had it still had the money backing back then, and the SUPPORT of TNN, ECW would still be around.
moonprism Your ifs, ands, and buts might help you sleep at night, but they cannot combat against the facts, and that is that Vince McMahon is the king of the wrestling industry and has outlasted all of his competition again and again. Just like the Report will outlast terrorists and survive while diving in trenches to bring the Report to you Heroes again and again. That does it for the fifth edition. Next week, Gorilla Monsoon... or is he? Find out next time! Goodnight!
- mygreatesthour still hasn't made his infamous appearance. I will hunt him down, or he'll be something worse than dead to me... Oh yes, there is something worse. Chew on that, bucko!
-And finally, yours truly attended an indy show this past weekend. Fear not, my imminent followers, it's always good to know your enemy up close and personal.
An invasion is about to occur on the most sacred of lands. Communities everywhere have been flooded with outbreak and hatred towards one another, and guess who's there to take advantage of it by spinning it with a dose of truthiness? You're damn right he is. This is the KAF Report!
It's good to be back once again, Heroes. After a grueling week of fighting the good fight for Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I am proud to say that I survived my covert mission into enemy territory this past weekend. Some of you may think that I was on the road to converting to your anti-WWE agenda, but alas it's quite the opposite. You see, the reason I'm so successful is because I know my enemies better than they know themselves, which is why I was able to survive in such hostile territory, despite sticking out like a tall skinny guy amongst a group of shorter but more athletic professional wrestlers.
Witness exhibit A.
Yes, that's your fearless leader Moon Prism standing with the tag-team known as the Cleveland Mafia. Raymond Rowe and J-Rocc are two of the fastest rising stars in this communist promotion, but as you can see, even their biggest, most intimidating wrestler can only make the height of yours truly. Vince McMahon doesn't like short people who call themselves powerful, and if you think I'm kidding, flash back to earlier this year on Smackdown when the greatest power wrestler of all time, Mark Henry, defeated this Raymond Rowe in mere seconds of competition. Take a hint, Mr. Rowe! Just because you're eight times as talented as most power wrestlers today... just because you can make Kurt Angle and Taz look like amateurs when it comes to suplexes... and just because you can look like you don't want to be where you are at any given time does not mean you've got one up on us loyal Stamfordinians. Vincent Kennedy McMahon will guide us through any peril, and that includes one of your death-defying flipping German suplexes, Mister. Watch yourself.
Witness Exhibit B
Look at that! Our enemies have their defenses so laid back that they'll let me catch them in action! Sebastian Dark, a member of the IWC's feared Unholy Alliance, came to the Carriage Inn at the after show, and actually let me photograph him with an alcoholic beverage! A Corona, nonetheless... Those greedy Mexican ales are just trying to take work away from the American breweries. So not only does Mr. Dark approve of being caught on camera with an alcoholic beverage, but he's supporting un-American beer agenda as well. Let me make this perfectly clear, Mr. Dark... No one who makes it in WWE has a substance abuse problem of any kind! Great names such as Roddy Piper, Steve Austin, the Sandman, and Ric Flair would never touch an alcoholic beverage if their lives depended on it. That's what makes a great wrestler, Mr. Dark, and you're just out there to prove that you're in direct support of the independent wrestling circuit. How dare you try to take food off the table from Aurora Rose? You make me sick, sir!
Now, while attending this indy show, I noticed something else. This was my fourth trip to examine these commie bastards, and apparently we'd been recognized by at least one of the Reds. A fellow that my partner-in-crime <lj user="fallnangelspike"> seem to locate at these shows every time has decided to declare war on us. He's trying to instigate a pre-emptive strike against us for doing absolutely nothing but observing our enemy in a completely non-conspicuous way, as it seems our crosstown rival, the <lj comm="wwe"> has had a few instances of unprovoked attacks against KAF Brigaders, which brings us to tonight's word...
EXTREMIST
This past June, the WWE roster was plagued with a new influx of superstars that have dubbed themselves "extremists". Even though they frown upon extreme rules matches. What did these wrestlers do to earn the title? They defied all the rules and invaded the holy land of our WWE. All Hail Christopher DeJosephs? This landed them their own brand on television on Tuesday nights. Watch out House, it's the newfound power! What does this teach the children of America? It says that if they drink beer and hit each other with weapons, they'll end up with their own television show as well. Worked for Bam Margera... unfortunately for us. With those kinds of morals and standards, what nobody realizes is that it's all just a mockery of TNA, ROH, and all the other traitors that you seem to follow. ECW is the imitation of all the indy circuits around the country. Is that why Punk's there? They're showing them what happens when you go high-risk. Hardcore Holly in the main event? It never pans out in the end, and Vincent Kennedy McMahon will always be standing by your fallen corpse of a federation tall and proud.
This can be applied to both my situation at the independent show, and some of your situations in the other community. We frequently have our issues with those claiming that we're nothing more than idiots ruining the state of wrestling, but in the end, it's just them trying to distract us from what our goal really is. Sanity? Banning extremists will not make anybody's situation better, because who then would remind us exactly why we need a community like this? I sux at analogies. Face it, whenever there's something fun going on, there's always going to be someone there to ruin it. Giving Cena back the title, anyone? Since when should someone be kicked out of an organization just because they violated the rules? That's why they're there, isn't it? It's far much more fun to watch them embarrass themselves, because that way, they won't want to come back. By banning them, they'll find a way to get back into the community and they'll ruin it for everyone. Who knew the DX ending would be a curse? At the end of the day, we know where we stand... United in the Brigade dedicated to preserving the legacy of the greatness of Vincent McMahon. And that's the Word.
Now, due to the state of the union against the extremists, several of the Brigaders are wishing to speak out about how they feel on the situation. Therefore, this is the third-of-sixty-something of the series entitled "Better Know a Brigader". Tonight's guest, please introduce yourself.
zomg_its_nikkie- I'm Nikkie. I've been a KAF'er from the very beginning. I live in Charleston, SC.
moonprism- Okay, Nikkie from SC. I have a feeling that your involvement means that SC stands for "Supports Communists", but you'll have the chance to defend yourself here, I assure you. Tell me first of all, why are you trying to kill Aurora Rose by taking money out of Vince McMahon's pockets?
zomg_its_nikkie- Vince has deep pockets as it is already. I'm sure Aurora and his other two grandchildren will never want for anything.
moonprism- Skirting the issue in typical traitor fashion, Nikkie. We're already off to a rocky start here. What do you have against infant children that would cause to take such measures?
zomg_its_nikkie- I'm childfree, but I'm not against children. Although screaming babies do set my teeth on edge.
moonprism- That's what all babies do, Nikkie. You're telling me you're supporting these communist independent circuits because you can't stand the cry of Vince's innocent grandchild? Does that mean you're going to steal cookies from your own child when the time comes? What kind of example are you setting for your fellow KAFers here? They could be children too, you know!
zomg_its_nikkie- Seeing how I'm childfree, I won't be having my own children. That what childfree means. People who don't have kids...by choice.
moonprism- You heard it here, folks. The one coming to your defense against the community extremists is herself anti-children and thinks they should all starve to death in front of their grandfathers. Let's see what the fellow call-in Brigaders have to say about this? Caller number one, who's there?
scott_parker- Scott Parker from England.
moonprism- Mr. Parker, I believe you're a first-time caller. Before we answer your questions, I have one for you. Are you anti-children like the guest tonight?
scott_parker- Only brats in public who go "I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!".
moonprism- This just in... English wrestling fan wishes painful death upon hungry children. Anyway, what is your question tonight, communist?
scott_parker- Well, what I want to know is why WWE didn't treat Kurt and his brother Kirt right. They are both just about the best thing to ever happen to Pro wrestling and they just misused them 90% of the time. So why do they push plebs like Mark Henry instead?
zomg_its_nikkie- Oh god, good question. WWE always wastes good talent such as Kurt and Kirt. I mean look how long it took them to give Beniot the title. Plus we all know Vince has orgasms everythime a large man like Mark Henry or Umaga wrestles. And if we're talking about pushing plebs, WHY the fuck does Jeff Hardy have the IC title again? Why does he even have a job again?
moonprism- News from the Report... Anti-Children Brigader supports people getting fired. You've already flip-flopped yourself here, Benedecia Arnold... You complain about two tremendous power talents like Mark Henry and Umaga, then turn around and attack someone half their size on a completely different notion. And these are the people who say they could book the show better...
zomg_its_nikkie- Yes, but like Mark Henry, Jeff Hardy has no talent. Mark is slow and boring in the ring, while Jeff is crackheaded spot monkey in the ring. The fans like a wrestler who can do a variety, like CM Punk or Benoit.
moonprism- And I suppose those cheers I hear every time Jeff Hardy's music hits are just fabricated by the pretend fans trying to ruin Vince McMahon's career, right?
zomg_its_nikkie- They are a lots of IT multiplied to fill an entire ring. WWE cloned IT so that she could be their Jeff Hardy supporter
moonprism- No wonder you're anti-children. You're one of those cloning fiends, aren't you? Well Miss Nikkie, for someone claiming to be for banning the extremists, you're sure turning into one yourself by making attacks against an intelligent, note-worthy member of the internet wrestling community, aren't you? What exactly separates you from them? What makes you a Brigader and not an extremist?
zomg_its_nikkie- I too think Morbs and Coma suck at MODing. And like a Brigader, I'm open minded when it comes to wrestling and I don't just become Vince's sheep.
moonprism- You can deny it all you want, but we all know you secretly melt every time Christopher DeJosephs appears on RAW. It's the American way, and not even a strong-minded freedom-hating individual like you can stop yourself. Let's take another call, who's there this time?
jinxedraven- Hey, this is jinxedraven from good ol' Jersey.
moonprism- I didn't know there was such a place that could be described as "good" in Jersey, but I guess some of us have standards. What's your question this evening?
jinxedraven- My question is who is this Banning Extremist? Is it Paul Heyman, the Messiah of ECW educating us, his children, about what we want?
zomg_its_nikkie- No, Paul Heyman has turned his back on us. He stopped drinking his own Kool Aid. He let Vince McMahon turn the new ECW into shit. The new ECW is nothing but RAW lite. Paul needs to step up, and take back the control of ECW and tell McMahon and Johnny Ace to kiss his ass. I mean look at what's become of Joey Styles. They are having him announce like JR for fuck's sake! Tommy Dreamer and Sandman are horribly misued. Francine has been fired, Jazz is no where to be seen, and the list of ECW atrocities goes on and on.
moonprism- The new ECW is nothing more than a lite version of the greatest wrestling show in the history of the world? Please, with a lineup featuring Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari tonight, how can you even begin to tell me it's not the rebirth of extreme? Paulie guides us into wrestling modernization, and he's leaving the hopeless and unloyal behind!
zomg_its_nikkie- Daivari is a RAW/SD star. He, like many others now on the ECW roster, do not belong there. ECW should be just that. ECW. Keep the former RAW and SD stars on RAW and SD. Stop putting them in a show they don't belong on. Paulie USED to guide us. Now it's Vince doing the guiding.
moonprism- Correct me if I'm wrong, but if they made it just ECW, wouldn't it fall under the greatness of Vince McMahon and WWE once again, just like it did in 2001?
zomg_its_nikkie- The old ECW failed because of money issues and becaue TNN screwed them while they were on their channel. ECW lasted a good long long time before it fell. I believe had it still had the money backing back then, and the SUPPORT of TNN, ECW would still be around.
moonprism Your ifs, ands, and buts might help you sleep at night, but they cannot combat against the facts, and that is that Vince McMahon is the king of the wrestling industry and has outlasted all of his competition again and again. Just like the Report will outlast terrorists and survive while diving in trenches to bring the Report to you Heroes again and again. That does it for the fifth edition. Next week, Gorilla Monsoon... or is he? Find out next time! Goodnight!
