Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2006 1:35:01 GMT -5
-Tonight, Rob Van Dam is in trouble for refusing to go to Iraq. Evidently Congress's children are not the only people trying to avoid the desert.
-The Big Show has decided to pursue a career in acting. Perhaps he'll follow in the footsteps of greatness and do a remake of "Mr. Nanny".
-DX hasn't done any comedy skits since the VKM began mocking them. Now the war comes over who has the better promo used in every single show on which they wrestle. "Are You Ready" vs. "Welcome to the Dawg House/Impact Zone." Let's get it on!
It's the six month anniversary of the KAF, and I'm feeling a bit frisky. How frisky you may ask? Well let's just say the Coalition of Cats have been outside my house since three this morning, and they're awaiting their tuna sandwiches. This is the KAF Report!
Hello again, heroes, and a happy six month anniversary to you all. It certainly is appealing to watch such a celebration of treachery, knowing full well that Vincent Kennedy McMahon will put an end to it when it becomes intolerable enough. For now, however, I will continue to play along as one of you, until the ultimate hammer of Judgment comes down upon you all.
Now, before we get to the Lion's Den, it may surprise some of you that yours truly does enjoy quite a realm of cinematic adventures. However, the one thing that seems to be missing from all movies not named "The Marine" is the wrestling plot to them, but only to the blind eye. You see, I have proof that Hollywood has been using the Vince McMahon book of storylines for years, and it's really starting to come through. Let's take a look, shall we?
Invincible
To the untrained eye, this looks like the story of Vince Papale going into the Philadelphia Eagles training camp with no college experience and trying to make it into the NFL. However, all prophets of Vince McMahon know better. Papale is lying around in the lower midcard, fighting off the drunks in the bar (the cruiserweight division), when suddenly there's an open call for anyone to come to the Eagles training camp (the Royal Rumble). Vince is immediately pushed as the underdog face, but has trouble getting over with the other football players who have been there longer and are more established (Triple H and Shawn Michaels). Vince's success is barely getting him through, but he's working through his injures, and each time he does so, it earns him a huge crowd pop, despite being so under-sized and having a lack of experience in the game (the main event). However, after making the team (winning the Royal Rumble), his first game is an absolute disaster and everyone thinks he's going to fail (jobbing to Randy Orton at No Way Out). However, the first home game comes around, but the odds are against him in the form of the New York Giants (Kurt Angle and Randy Orton). He shows signs of promise, but the veterans overtake him for a majority of the game. But, at the very end, Papale makes an amazing play to score the winning touchdown for his team that no one expected to win (Winning at Wrestlemania). Sure, he only lasted three years, and likely no one outside of Philadelphia will remember that play (Rey's title reign), but it proved to be an inspirational feat nonetheless.
There, for all to see! Disney's "Invincible" was clearly stolen from Rey Mysterio's rise to the world heavyweight championship in 2006! Suck that, Hollywood! Rest assured, I will be back next week to tear down another new release once again.
Now Heroes, a soul I've been chasing down for a long time is finally here with us, and he will be the fifth in a now-eighty-something series that I like to call "Better Know a Brigader. Welcome mygreatesthour!
mygreatesthour: Glad to finally be on man.
moonprism: Now, Sir Hour, I have noticed that the number of members to this community have grown quite noticeably. "Better Know a Brigader" was once a sixty-something part series, and now it's an eighty-something part series. How does it feel to know you're attracting more people to ride your bus to wrestling hell?
mygreatesthour: Oh you have no idea how great it feels to be able to show some of the formerly brainwashed that there is more out there than the WWE and their brand of "sportz entertainment". Sadly there are many who will never know, and to those people, I wish you the best.
moonprism: We aren't the ones who are going to need the best, Hour, because we already are the best. There might be other brands of sports entertainment out there, but nothing as high quality as what Vince McMahon puts on our television sets three-to-four times a week. So for the so-called "formerly brainwashed", you may mock us now, but we'll be laughing as you're drowning in the sinking ship that is TNA, and you can keep Kurt Angle. We have Daniel Rodimer, bitches!
mygreatesthour: Ah yes, Orton-Reich. I'm sure many of us will be sulking over our Bryan Danielson DVDs while Orton-Reich is dominating the wrestling world on Sunday Night Heat in 4 months.
moonprism: I assume that was a comparison to Heidenreich, and you say that as if it's a negative thing. Do not forget, EVERYONE WANTS TO BE HEIDENREICH's friend! Plus, he has a name that works so greatly with Irish drinking songs, despite the fact that he's indeed German. Oh... HEIDY-HEIDY-HEIDY HEIDY-HEIDY-HEIDENREICH! And don't forget, Sunday Night Heat is the world where Johnny Parisi lit up our computer screens for over a year. I endorse Sunday Night Heat as the greatest production of all, because television cannot handle its greatness.
mygreatesthour: How about you go ask Michael Cole how he feels about Heidenreich? Although wait, Heidenreich was a "good guy" when he left, so Cole would probably kiss up to him as if he was never anally raped by the guy.
moonprism: Michael Cole is the play-by-play man in the history of Smackdown, Sir. Anal sex would never appeal to him unless he was giving it, do you understand me?! POWER! Anyway, back to the point... Please tell me why you wish for our WWE champion John Cena to starve to death and rot away on the streets by taking away his title and crowd overness?
mygreatesthour: Watch it slick, don't start putting words in my mouth. I have no urge to see John Cena starve to death. John Cena is much more over without the title, and there are people on that RAW program like Edge who deserve it much more. Although I'm sure should he ever get the itch, HHH will be back to reclaim what is "rightfully his". Though that may not be a bad thing, he might take his hammer and smash that Toys-R-Us rip off Spinner Belt.
moonprism: You're trying to tell me that Edge deserves the championship more than the legend-in-the-making John Cena? Sir, I point you to the direction of fan reaction... Do you hear anything when Edge is in the ring anymore? Of course not, because he's up against the greatness that is DeGeneration X, and there's no stopping it. DX is second only to John Cena in terms of popularity, and if he can't win the silver, what makes you think he deserves the gold?
mygreatesthour: I think the programming this summer speaks for itself. I'd point you in the direction of Unforgiven, but knowing you I'd say you've seen it a good number of times already. Kane vs Umaga? Good lord.
moonprism: John Cena overcame the odds once again, as always. And I'll thank you to not insult the awesomeness that was the Kane/Umaga feud. There is no name more fun to scream into a phone or during a wedding than "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMAGA!" Now, we'll take the first question...
milo_reed: Hello. This is milo_reed. I have a question.
moonprism: Let's hear it.
milo_reed: Is there any chance of ECW getting any better between now and Wrestlemania?
mygreatesthour: Milo, I hate to be the man to have to tell you this, but this show is going down faster than Rebecca at Batista's house. Yeah CM Punk is there but how long until he gets shipped to that garbage dump known as RAW? The ECW originals are beginning to get cut loose. It'll only be a matter of time before Kevin Thorn and Matt Striker are part of the main event picture. No, this show is close to finished.
moonprism: Let us not be hasty there, Sir. ECW is in great position after a stunning PPV in December. The momentum is in their favor, and having Kevin Thorn and Matt Striker in your main event is never a bad thing. However, CM Punk will never get drafted to RAW, Hour. That is the land of promos and skits, not wrestling talent. ECW is doing just fine, and will be carried heartily on the shoulders of champion Bobby Lashley. I'm sure their next Pay-Per-View will live up to its predecessor.
mygreatesthour: Ah yes, ECW One Night Stand 3. Three Night Stand? Third Night Stand? Something like that.
moonprism: When you come back for a one night stand the third time, you know you've got some good action.
mygreatesthour: Sincerely, Half the Diva locker room. So, do we have another caller here?
jinxedraven: Hey, I got a question. Is it just me, or is Shelton Benjamin the wrestling Cuba Gooding, Jr.?
mygreatesthour: You know jinx, I'd love to help you out here. But thanks to the fine folks up in Stamford, I couldn't tell you one thing about Shelton Benjamin. Isn't he one half of that Cryme Stealing team or something?
moonprism: I'm pretty sure she has Shelton Benjamin confused with the guy from Jerry Maguire, and the only hole in that theory is that the guy in Jerry Maguire actually won his game at the end.
mygreatesthour: When is the last time Shelton won anything anyway? Those fine people up in CT, they know what we want to see!
moonprism: Shelton won last week, thank you very much! Reuniting of the World's Greatest Tag Team since Charlie Hass and Rico!
mygreatesthour: I figured you would have said Billy and Chuck...
moonprism: First Michael Cole, and now me with the gay reference? Are you using this show as a platform to come out of the closet and become "MyGreatestFABULOUSHour?"
mygreatesthour: Who's the worse here? The one bringing it up or the one defending it Mr. 'Cole Has The Power!'? Any more callers?
thebolt: This question is for mygreatesthour.
moonprism: Vunberbar.
thebolt: What is your favorite ROH match of all time???
mygreatesthour: Ah Mr. Bolt, now you're talking my language. Can't say as I'm very familiar at all with the product from 2002 through early 2004, BUT from what I've seen I can come up with a few. Danielson vs Strong with Supercard of Honor, Danielson vs McGuinness from Weekend of Champions and Unified, Blood Generation vs Do Fixer from Supercard of Honor, even Joe vs Punk II. For my money I'll take the Danielson v McGuinness match from Unified. One of the best matches I've ever seen.
moonprism: And how many Pay-Per-View buys did that one garner, kind sir?
mygreatesthour: Ring Of Honor doesn't do pay per view, you know that.
moonprism: Exactly, thus proving it to be a far inferior product.
mygreatesthour: 3-5 Hours of wrestling for 1/2 the price of WWE's 2 and 1/2? If that's inferior than I'll gladly stick with the B team.
moonprism: Actually sir, I believe it's the C-team. As much as I hate to acknowledge them, even the atrocious TNA has a monthly Pay-Per-View.
mygreatesthour: Well, it's at least nice to see that you know your ABCs. Now if only your wrestling knowledge would catch up with your grammatical you might just have something going here!
moonprism: I am a wrestling prodigy, for your information. I stick with the brand that sells out arenas and achieves regular ratings on television. Let's not be hasty just because you want to stick with something that can't even get a television deal. Next caller!
scott_parker: I have a question for mygreatesthour.
moonprism: ::groan::
scott_parker: Which WWE wrestler would you make Andrew fight and in which type of match?
mygreatesthour: It's a real shame New Jack isn't employeed by WWE, or that could be a fun ride. I think you look no farther than the top of the food chain and the WWE Champion John Cena. Think about it, he seems to be getting in a habit of wrestling people who aren't really wrestlers. Estrada, Kevin Federline, Johnathon Coachman. Maybe these are the only people who can make him look good, I don't really know, but seeing Andrew job clean in a one on one match to the 5 moves of doom might just make that show worth it.
moonprism: Do you think John Cena can stay awake through the reading of "The Great Gatsby"?
mygreatesthour: I think he could make it through, but if Andrew managed to start on "The Stand", there might be problems.
moonprism: Well ladies and gentlemen, that's it for this edition of the Report, and happy six month anniversary. Any closing words, Hour?
mygreatesthour: Thanks for having me on, and everyone make sure to tune in tomorrow night for the KAF 6th Anniversary Show featuring yours truely against Spanky and Moonprism vs Stupify in a steel cage. Goodnight, and god bless the indies.
moonprism: And Vince Bless you, sinner.
-The Big Show has decided to pursue a career in acting. Perhaps he'll follow in the footsteps of greatness and do a remake of "Mr. Nanny".
-DX hasn't done any comedy skits since the VKM began mocking them. Now the war comes over who has the better promo used in every single show on which they wrestle. "Are You Ready" vs. "Welcome to the Dawg House/Impact Zone." Let's get it on!
It's the six month anniversary of the KAF, and I'm feeling a bit frisky. How frisky you may ask? Well let's just say the Coalition of Cats have been outside my house since three this morning, and they're awaiting their tuna sandwiches. This is the KAF Report!
Hello again, heroes, and a happy six month anniversary to you all. It certainly is appealing to watch such a celebration of treachery, knowing full well that Vincent Kennedy McMahon will put an end to it when it becomes intolerable enough. For now, however, I will continue to play along as one of you, until the ultimate hammer of Judgment comes down upon you all.
Now, before we get to the Lion's Den, it may surprise some of you that yours truly does enjoy quite a realm of cinematic adventures. However, the one thing that seems to be missing from all movies not named "The Marine" is the wrestling plot to them, but only to the blind eye. You see, I have proof that Hollywood has been using the Vince McMahon book of storylines for years, and it's really starting to come through. Let's take a look, shall we?
Invincible
To the untrained eye, this looks like the story of Vince Papale going into the Philadelphia Eagles training camp with no college experience and trying to make it into the NFL. However, all prophets of Vince McMahon know better. Papale is lying around in the lower midcard, fighting off the drunks in the bar (the cruiserweight division), when suddenly there's an open call for anyone to come to the Eagles training camp (the Royal Rumble). Vince is immediately pushed as the underdog face, but has trouble getting over with the other football players who have been there longer and are more established (Triple H and Shawn Michaels). Vince's success is barely getting him through, but he's working through his injures, and each time he does so, it earns him a huge crowd pop, despite being so under-sized and having a lack of experience in the game (the main event). However, after making the team (winning the Royal Rumble), his first game is an absolute disaster and everyone thinks he's going to fail (jobbing to Randy Orton at No Way Out). However, the first home game comes around, but the odds are against him in the form of the New York Giants (Kurt Angle and Randy Orton). He shows signs of promise, but the veterans overtake him for a majority of the game. But, at the very end, Papale makes an amazing play to score the winning touchdown for his team that no one expected to win (Winning at Wrestlemania). Sure, he only lasted three years, and likely no one outside of Philadelphia will remember that play (Rey's title reign), but it proved to be an inspirational feat nonetheless.
There, for all to see! Disney's "Invincible" was clearly stolen from Rey Mysterio's rise to the world heavyweight championship in 2006! Suck that, Hollywood! Rest assured, I will be back next week to tear down another new release once again.
Now Heroes, a soul I've been chasing down for a long time is finally here with us, and he will be the fifth in a now-eighty-something series that I like to call "Better Know a Brigader. Welcome mygreatesthour!
mygreatesthour: Glad to finally be on man.
moonprism: Now, Sir Hour, I have noticed that the number of members to this community have grown quite noticeably. "Better Know a Brigader" was once a sixty-something part series, and now it's an eighty-something part series. How does it feel to know you're attracting more people to ride your bus to wrestling hell?
mygreatesthour: Oh you have no idea how great it feels to be able to show some of the formerly brainwashed that there is more out there than the WWE and their brand of "sportz entertainment". Sadly there are many who will never know, and to those people, I wish you the best.
moonprism: We aren't the ones who are going to need the best, Hour, because we already are the best. There might be other brands of sports entertainment out there, but nothing as high quality as what Vince McMahon puts on our television sets three-to-four times a week. So for the so-called "formerly brainwashed", you may mock us now, but we'll be laughing as you're drowning in the sinking ship that is TNA, and you can keep Kurt Angle. We have Daniel Rodimer, bitches!
mygreatesthour: Ah yes, Orton-Reich. I'm sure many of us will be sulking over our Bryan Danielson DVDs while Orton-Reich is dominating the wrestling world on Sunday Night Heat in 4 months.
moonprism: I assume that was a comparison to Heidenreich, and you say that as if it's a negative thing. Do not forget, EVERYONE WANTS TO BE HEIDENREICH's friend! Plus, he has a name that works so greatly with Irish drinking songs, despite the fact that he's indeed German. Oh... HEIDY-HEIDY-HEIDY HEIDY-HEIDY-HEIDENREICH! And don't forget, Sunday Night Heat is the world where Johnny Parisi lit up our computer screens for over a year. I endorse Sunday Night Heat as the greatest production of all, because television cannot handle its greatness.
mygreatesthour: How about you go ask Michael Cole how he feels about Heidenreich? Although wait, Heidenreich was a "good guy" when he left, so Cole would probably kiss up to him as if he was never anally raped by the guy.
moonprism: Michael Cole is the play-by-play man in the history of Smackdown, Sir. Anal sex would never appeal to him unless he was giving it, do you understand me?! POWER! Anyway, back to the point... Please tell me why you wish for our WWE champion John Cena to starve to death and rot away on the streets by taking away his title and crowd overness?
mygreatesthour: Watch it slick, don't start putting words in my mouth. I have no urge to see John Cena starve to death. John Cena is much more over without the title, and there are people on that RAW program like Edge who deserve it much more. Although I'm sure should he ever get the itch, HHH will be back to reclaim what is "rightfully his". Though that may not be a bad thing, he might take his hammer and smash that Toys-R-Us rip off Spinner Belt.
moonprism: You're trying to tell me that Edge deserves the championship more than the legend-in-the-making John Cena? Sir, I point you to the direction of fan reaction... Do you hear anything when Edge is in the ring anymore? Of course not, because he's up against the greatness that is DeGeneration X, and there's no stopping it. DX is second only to John Cena in terms of popularity, and if he can't win the silver, what makes you think he deserves the gold?
mygreatesthour: I think the programming this summer speaks for itself. I'd point you in the direction of Unforgiven, but knowing you I'd say you've seen it a good number of times already. Kane vs Umaga? Good lord.
moonprism: John Cena overcame the odds once again, as always. And I'll thank you to not insult the awesomeness that was the Kane/Umaga feud. There is no name more fun to scream into a phone or during a wedding than "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMAGA!" Now, we'll take the first question...
milo_reed: Hello. This is milo_reed. I have a question.
moonprism: Let's hear it.
milo_reed: Is there any chance of ECW getting any better between now and Wrestlemania?
mygreatesthour: Milo, I hate to be the man to have to tell you this, but this show is going down faster than Rebecca at Batista's house. Yeah CM Punk is there but how long until he gets shipped to that garbage dump known as RAW? The ECW originals are beginning to get cut loose. It'll only be a matter of time before Kevin Thorn and Matt Striker are part of the main event picture. No, this show is close to finished.
moonprism: Let us not be hasty there, Sir. ECW is in great position after a stunning PPV in December. The momentum is in their favor, and having Kevin Thorn and Matt Striker in your main event is never a bad thing. However, CM Punk will never get drafted to RAW, Hour. That is the land of promos and skits, not wrestling talent. ECW is doing just fine, and will be carried heartily on the shoulders of champion Bobby Lashley. I'm sure their next Pay-Per-View will live up to its predecessor.
mygreatesthour: Ah yes, ECW One Night Stand 3. Three Night Stand? Third Night Stand? Something like that.
moonprism: When you come back for a one night stand the third time, you know you've got some good action.
mygreatesthour: Sincerely, Half the Diva locker room. So, do we have another caller here?
jinxedraven: Hey, I got a question. Is it just me, or is Shelton Benjamin the wrestling Cuba Gooding, Jr.?
mygreatesthour: You know jinx, I'd love to help you out here. But thanks to the fine folks up in Stamford, I couldn't tell you one thing about Shelton Benjamin. Isn't he one half of that Cryme Stealing team or something?
moonprism: I'm pretty sure she has Shelton Benjamin confused with the guy from Jerry Maguire, and the only hole in that theory is that the guy in Jerry Maguire actually won his game at the end.
mygreatesthour: When is the last time Shelton won anything anyway? Those fine people up in CT, they know what we want to see!
moonprism: Shelton won last week, thank you very much! Reuniting of the World's Greatest Tag Team since Charlie Hass and Rico!
mygreatesthour: I figured you would have said Billy and Chuck...
moonprism: First Michael Cole, and now me with the gay reference? Are you using this show as a platform to come out of the closet and become "MyGreatestFABULOUSHour?"
mygreatesthour: Who's the worse here? The one bringing it up or the one defending it Mr. 'Cole Has The Power!'? Any more callers?
thebolt: This question is for mygreatesthour.
moonprism: Vunberbar.
thebolt: What is your favorite ROH match of all time???
mygreatesthour: Ah Mr. Bolt, now you're talking my language. Can't say as I'm very familiar at all with the product from 2002 through early 2004, BUT from what I've seen I can come up with a few. Danielson vs Strong with Supercard of Honor, Danielson vs McGuinness from Weekend of Champions and Unified, Blood Generation vs Do Fixer from Supercard of Honor, even Joe vs Punk II. For my money I'll take the Danielson v McGuinness match from Unified. One of the best matches I've ever seen.
moonprism: And how many Pay-Per-View buys did that one garner, kind sir?
mygreatesthour: Ring Of Honor doesn't do pay per view, you know that.
moonprism: Exactly, thus proving it to be a far inferior product.
mygreatesthour: 3-5 Hours of wrestling for 1/2 the price of WWE's 2 and 1/2? If that's inferior than I'll gladly stick with the B team.
moonprism: Actually sir, I believe it's the C-team. As much as I hate to acknowledge them, even the atrocious TNA has a monthly Pay-Per-View.
mygreatesthour: Well, it's at least nice to see that you know your ABCs. Now if only your wrestling knowledge would catch up with your grammatical you might just have something going here!
moonprism: I am a wrestling prodigy, for your information. I stick with the brand that sells out arenas and achieves regular ratings on television. Let's not be hasty just because you want to stick with something that can't even get a television deal. Next caller!
scott_parker: I have a question for mygreatesthour.
moonprism: ::groan::
scott_parker: Which WWE wrestler would you make Andrew fight and in which type of match?
mygreatesthour: It's a real shame New Jack isn't employeed by WWE, or that could be a fun ride. I think you look no farther than the top of the food chain and the WWE Champion John Cena. Think about it, he seems to be getting in a habit of wrestling people who aren't really wrestlers. Estrada, Kevin Federline, Johnathon Coachman. Maybe these are the only people who can make him look good, I don't really know, but seeing Andrew job clean in a one on one match to the 5 moves of doom might just make that show worth it.
moonprism: Do you think John Cena can stay awake through the reading of "The Great Gatsby"?
mygreatesthour: I think he could make it through, but if Andrew managed to start on "The Stand", there might be problems.
moonprism: Well ladies and gentlemen, that's it for this edition of the Report, and happy six month anniversary. Any closing words, Hour?
mygreatesthour: Thanks for having me on, and everyone make sure to tune in tomorrow night for the KAF 6th Anniversary Show featuring yours truely against Spanky and Moonprism vs Stupify in a steel cage. Goodnight, and god bless the indies.
moonprism: And Vince Bless you, sinner.