Post by Lantlas on Mar 27, 2006 22:15:50 GMT -5
The minutes are ticking away. It's not Ace Anderson, but it's still a highly-billed singles match where the odds are against me as they always are. Sometimes no one can convince people that they were wrong from the beginning... and I'm one of them sometimes.
The words I read in Drakey's journal captivated me. I couldn't put away the curiousity, for I knew there was another journal. For all I thought I knew of this girl, I've discovered that I really know nothing. There's so much, a hidden side that I must discover, even if the risk is her finding out and ruining everything. It's better to fall and know than to stand and not.
The book I stole is in my hand. The words, just waiting to be read... The possibilities were running through my head. What could it say? What is it that I don't know? What's going on that I can't see? Goddammit, I can't take it anymore! I open the pages, thumbing to the most recent writing.
I look at my hand and see blood, my face goes whiter than it already is, and I begin to shake. What happened?! What did I do?! Asked myself frantically unknowing of what had happened. All I remember is going back into the locker room seeing Lantlas reading my book and then I'm where I am now: in a cold desolate parking lot. Cold like my heart. Cold like my past. Cold like every fiber of my being. I'm getting that feeling again that I had when I was seven, when I took my first life. I remember that night well, it was December 23rd. There was mixture of rain, snow, and sleet coming down pretty heavily when my father came home from a really bad day at the office. He threw down his briefcase and his coat. I was in the kitchen getting something to eat since mom hadn't come home yet. He yelled for her, and with no answer he came into the kitchen in a fury and smacked me as hard as he could in the back of my head. I remember my head ricocheted off the ceramic counter. I remember I could see blood on the floor and then it was black until I woke up and I found a kitchen knife in my hands and my father's lifeless body in front of me. I could feel a wicked smile on my face and I could feel blood in my mouth. Then, my mother came home with dinner that was unexpected, came into the kitchen and screamed at the top of her lungs. I dropped the knife and then I remember being hauled to the police station being and questioned for why I killed my father. I told them what I knew, but they didn't believe it. I was a problem child from the start of my existence.
Now, here I am with my hands in blood again, and I knew it was his blood. I hurt my friend, but most importantly I hurt the one I love. Yes, I admit it, I still very much care for him even after what had happened between the two of us. And now he knows what kind of monster I really am. I've killed people and not being able to remember, I've robbed, hurt, maimed, and other things that I can't or dare not mention. I know there's another side to me or else I'd remember what I've done, but, I couldn't remember anything. As a result, they locked me up in a prison and a psyche ward. On Christmas Day, the funeral was the longest day. My mother's cold eyes staring at me as she spoke harsh words of bitter hate and malice. If looks could have killed, I'd be dead, but luckily for me that's not the case. However I did find out that my mother commited suicide shortly afterward, leaving behind a note that I have never been able to see because they think, to this day, that it'll send me over the edge again.
I sighed, walking back into the arena, going back to the locker room to see if he was still there. I need to apologize to him and let him know just who he is involved with. Even if we're not together anymore intimately, he's still my best friend, the only one who has kept with me this long without turning his back on me.
"Man?" I hear in the back of my head. "You think he's a man? Don't you think he's been acting strangely as of late?"
"Well, yes he has been acting a bit odd lately."
"With his brother recently dying, don't you think that may have done some damage to him? I mean, when you lose someone you love, you grieve."
"Who are you?"
"I am the beast that stirs within you. I am what makes you a murderer, a thief, a vagabond, a whore. I am what makes you betray your closest friends. I am what makes you hurt those you love. I am the one who makes you kill those closest to you."
My face is paper white this time as I stumble to the ground shaking in terror. This isn't happening. This isn't happening! I've gone through the therapy... I shouldn't be hearing this voice anymore. I start rocking my self back and forth. This isn't happening! I feel tears free flowing from my eyes.
"I am Kieran, a dark elf, skilled in the art of deception and the art of assassination. I am highly skilled in hurting people and I enjoy it." The voice of Shaudenfreude is the one running through my head. can't let this take my life over! I can't. I've come so far from where I begun! This can't be happening!
"I won't let it happen!" I yell as I stand up, still shaking, and I hit the wall beside me, my tears still falling from my eyes since my nerves are shot and I'm scared to death. I haven't heard this voice in ages and I prayed to the powers above that I would never hear her voice again and I am.
"I am you. You are me, but the difference is you are worthless and I am not," is all I hear before the voice subsides and I am looking like a total psycho hitting the wall with his blood still on my hands screaming at myself. I quickly fall back down to the floor clutching myself still crying. I have never felt this weak, this worthless, this helpless. I put my head down in hopes that no one has seen me and that if anyone has it is Lantlas. I'd be dead if anyone else, like Sinn, walked in and saw this. We're some of the most fearsome people here, with a six foot something elf and a six foot something powerhouse. We all have a reputation to protect and right now I'm so vulnerable and helpless that I feel like a child, but then again, I really don't know what it's like to be a child. I can only wonder.
...
::Lantlas is still in the dark. He closes the book in his hands, but before he can react, he hears a voice from the shadows.::
Voice- The Keebler King let you out again?
Lantlas- I know that voice.
::Joey Cranston emerges from the shadows.::
Cranston- I should hope so. I put you through hell for how many years?
Al Laiman: Lantlas- Something brings you here other than Elven jokes.
Cranston- I would have figured that'd be enough. You looking for something in particular for me to say?
Lantlas- Joey... How much you underestimate my knowledge of you. Joey doesn't make charity calls just to crack jokes.
Cranston- You're right. You would have thought that after I walked out of HHW and watched it crumble, I would have had my fill of seeing you, but alas here I am. So how's your PCW 'life partner'?
Lantlas- Gay jokes as well as Elven ones. I guess some things never change.
Cranston- Why change my material? If it ain't broken, don't fix it.
::Lantlas pulls Cranston out from the shadows and glares down at him::
Cranston- Boy, aren't we just a big old bag of PMS.
Lantlas- Seriously, I've got a match coming up. If you're here to say the same things all you creative genuises come up with, I don't have the time.
Cranston- Alright, well then let's skip the formalities and shoot straight from the hip. You keeping your eyes on your tag buddy? Seems to me like he's not the most saviory character to have in your corner.
Lantlas- He's done nothing to prove otherwise.
Cranston- Well of course he's not, twat waffle. Just like when I had Devon turn on you, your best buddies until the oppertune moment. And then, you get a foot to the groin.
Lantlas- What are you planning?
Cranston- Me? What makes you think I'm planning anything?
Lantlas- Referencing the past, knowledge of events possibly forthcoming... Hints. You're subtle, like you always are when you've got something up your sleeve.
Cranston- Come on now Elf, a magician never reveals his tricks. You'll know what I'm planning when I'm good and ready to let you know anything... If I think you deserve to know anything.
Lantlas- Let us not forget the end result of your deceit, human. Keep this up and you'll relive it.
Cranston- Good Lord, did you develop several personalities? What, did PCW need its own Geno?
Lantlas- Not all of us can be one-dimensional, you feeble-minded nimrod. Quit changing the subject, what are your intentions?
Cranston- Come on now, do I have to do everything for you, you psychotic prick? Come on now, I gave you the hint to watch your back, you fill in the blanks to complete this sentence.
Lantlas- Tell me what you know. You know something. The human is planning something, or you are involved with it. Either way, you know something and you're not telling me. If you plan on leaving this locker room conscious, I suggest you do so.
Cranston- Oooooor, I'm just looking to put a wedge between you and Sinn. Who knows. Without HHW, I'm so bored not pissing people off, so I figured I'd throw a shadow of doubt your way. Now every time you look over your shoulder at him, you're going to wonder if I just made this all up to make you paranoid, or is he calculating and waiting for the right moment to stick a knife in your back... the mind boggles.
Lantlas- Perhaps the time has come to not wait.
Cranston- Well, you could always go out there, punch Sinn in the face and see if I was right or not.
Lantlas- And if you're wrong?
Cranston- Well then maybe I did you a favor... or made you life just a little worse. After all, I can't rightly think which of you two I hate more.
::Cranston leaves, and in the midst of Lantlas's anger, a lightbulb suddenly goes off.::
Lantlas- Wait a minute... Did I read that part right?
::Lantlas starts to page through the book again, and Devon Drake runs in the room.::
Devon- LANTLAS!
::Devon frantically grabs the book and takes off. Lantlas sits, looking at his empty hands, muttering out loud.::
Lantlas- Did I just read that Kieran is Devon?
::The scene ends.::