Post by sethsinn on Apr 3, 2006 0:46:30 GMT -5
I’m on my knees, my eyes completely shut to the outside world that is illuminated by nothing, nothing but the moon and soft, delicate candlelight. My elbows rest on a soft podium, my hands clenched tightly together. I hold a large beaded necklace laced between my fingers, ended with a large cross pendant, which happened to be a gift from my dear mother when I was no more then five years old. I sit here, my thoughts between only me and my one creator, Jesus Christ. I admit, I do not pray as often as I should, but when I do get the courage to face my Lord, I give it all I have, just like I do everything else in this world.
Seth- Forgive me.
I stand up, looking around as red candles are lit practically in ever nook and cranny you could find in this place. I remember watching this place being built as a young child. I couldn’t have been no more then six years old at that point. I remember taking my first step into those very doors that lay behind me. This is the place where I grew up, where I got the understanding of what it was to become a man. This is the very place where I laid the foundation of who I have become today. Granted I’m no saint, but I believe.
Seth- Maybe this is what you are missing Anthony. Something to believe in that doesn’t turn it’s back on you.
The moonlight illuminates the stained glass windows around me, and as I look up towards the one of the Last Supper, I feel a tear run down my cheek. How can some people be so cruel, so stupid, and so blind to see that the one person that they crucified is the one that saved us all? This may not be what you believe, but it’s what I believe. And don’t make the mistake that I am trying to push my beliefs onto you. You have your own beliefs, your own opinions, and your own judgments. Good for you, because that’s one thing in this world you are entitled to. If you don’t have those, your no more then a follower. A push-over to politics. And the sad thing is, is that what most people today are. They believe what they tell them to believe. They say what they tell them to say. They do what they tell them to do. Instead of being a servant to God, they become servants to men.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony.
I turn, and I walk towards the front doors to this magnificent place. I pass row after row of pews, seeing different faces every now and then, every single one of them deep in prayer. I finally reach the large structure, and as I place my hand upon the handle, I feel something like an emptiness inside of me. What it is, I do not know. I begin to ignore it, and I twist the knob releasing myself to the outside world where malevolence reigns supreme. I stand at the top of the church steps, and watch as a young teenager buys drugs from across the street. Not even fifty yards away from a church, and he’s giving his life to something that does nothing. He’s wretched and weak.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony.
I keep my eyes on the kid, who no doubt thinks that this world hates him. He is probably filled with rage, probably so angry at everyone close to him, so filled with piss and venom. He probably thinks that he is such a badass to be doing these drugs and walking these streets, when the truth is, he’s nothing but stupid. He’s nothing but fucked up and needing a good ass whipping to set him straight.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony.
I step down to the end as I watch the kid turn into an alleyway. Yeah, go and do your drugs. Go and get you high and feel that ecstasy you so want. But just know that when all that has passed, you’re still coming back to reality. You’re still going to be nothing but an angry kid looking for another fix. You’re still going to be nothing to this world but a junkie. Kind of like Anthony is nothing to this world but a suicidal bitch that no one cares about. He can say all that he wants to about me, but everything he talks about is trivial. Every letter he speaks is unimportant, because every word either of us spoken in the last week is going to be tossed right out the damn door.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony. Right out the door onto your ass.
I continue walking, thoughts still running through my head. What type of thoughts you may ask? My thoughts, about what people have been doing over the past month and a half. Personal thought that are mine and mine alone, because when I share them with the world, it seems like no one cares. All it does is hurt me, and no one ever gives a fuck. And I know Anthony is going to come back with something smart about that, but what do I care anymore? Like I said before, the words that protrude from his mouth are nothing but trivial.
Seth- That really sounds like Anthony right there, he’s nothing but trivial.
Anthony says he feels right at home when he’s at the bottom of things. Look like prison has fit him well, considering he was at the bottom of bubba’s penis every night. And it also looks like PCW is fitting him pretty well, considering he’s at the bottom of the food chain week in and week out. And he will feel right at home at Trauma, considering the only thing he is going to see is the bottom of my boot connecting with the crown of his jaw. And if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Anthony say something along the lines of reality being cold, bitter, and hard?
Seth- Get ready for a reality check, asshole.
Reality is going to hit him like a train when he realizes that he just lost to me. He can’t beat me, he won’t beat me! Do you happen to have any idea why this is? It’s because I’m superior to him, an elder if you will. Too strong, too fast, just too damn good for someone like him to handle. He knows it, just won’t admit it. Just like he says I won’t admit that I’m afraid of him.
Seth- Afraid? Afraid of suicidal snuggles? Get real Mr. Douglas; I am not afraid of you! Nor will I ever be afraid.
Yeah, my head is up my ass alright. Coming from a man who thinks that death is the only answer to drown away his sins and sorrows. That’s a real great way to live. He wants to tell me that I’m broken, that I’m beaten, that I’m worthless, and completely scratched. Hell, lets just say it, he compared me with a used car. Did Shadowed Heart do that all the time back in the HHW? What’s next? A lava lamp or maybe a near by theatre? Jesus, please give me some sort of break with this man!
Seth- Oh, that’s right. The breaking will be my bones, right Anthony?
The same exact thing he said the time before that, the time before that, and even the time before that! I told him once before to deal a new hand of cards, but it looks like he didn’t take my advice. No one ever takes my advice, even though it would be the smartest thing they could ever do. But it’s their decision, and their funeral. I keep on walking, the lonely sound of my boots connecting with the pavement below. I see ahead of me a parked car, with a woman standing next to it leaning in the driver’s side window. Before long, she walks over and steps into the passenger side. The funny thing was, is that her head was only visible in the back window for about two seconds.
Seth- Druggies, whores, and fucked up suicidal psychopaths. This world is turning out great for the future kids who have to deal with it later in life. And don’t blame anyone else for it, we did this to ourselves.
I keep on walking, still thinking of what Anthony has had to say on the match. Actually, he really didn’t talk about the match, more like he insulted me and left. He thinks that Al Laiman hid me from him? I would have stepped up to the plate, and I would have beat him like the dog that he is. And I’m sure if we faced back in the HHW, it would have been the same outcome. Anthony Douglas laid out on his back, eyes staring at the back of his eyelids, and my arm being raised by the referee. It’s invincible for that to be the outcome, it might as well be written in stone. I told him I dig my own graves.
Seth- Yeah, and I will not allow some diseased rat like you decide when I am buried in it. Only God can decide that one, and he hasn’t given me the call yet. You may have never backed down from me, but I sure as hell have never hid from you. Get your facts straight before you throw out shit.
I walk along the darkened sidewalks, nothing surrounds me but old broken down buildings that were once called homes. It starts to sprinkle, as I straighten up my leather trench coat and continue my journey forward. Anthony thinks that just because he is stepping up to the plate, it means something. We’ll see what it means when I strike his ass out and leave him standing at the plate speechless with nothing to look forward to. Nothing except that rage he so proudly talks of.
Seth- You think that rage will get you everywhere, when the truth is that it will get you no where. You had a better chance when your heart was filled with hopelessness.
I think about what he said about him being my teacher, that the woodshed was open. If this was suppose to piss me off or make me laugh I didn’t know, but I found it rather pathetic. What is this, second grade when a ruler was a dangerous weapon? Listen to me, refuse to listen to me, it makes no difference anymore. It never has made a difference, because the ending result will still be the same no matter what he does! Anthony can hate me all that he wants, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME! I don’t want any of his mercy, any of his sympathy, or anything else. I just want a win over him, and a win I shall have.
Seth- Beat the fight out of me? I have more fight then you could ever handle Anthony.
He can go to hell, because that’s where he wants to go. But I’m not going with him. If anything, I’m sending him there sooner then he thought. Anthony says that kicking the hell out of me won’t be hard?
Seth- Prove it. Beat me. Make me bleed. TRY IT!
I sealed my own death warrant, did I? Maybe so, but my time doesn’t expire at Trauma. My time expires when I say it does, when God takes me and breaks me. Not when Anthony Douglas does.
Seth- Defeat me Anthony, if you can.
I continue to walk in the same direction, not knowing where I will end up. I just keep walking, and sometime soon, it will be straight through Anthony Douglas.
Seth- Forgive me.
I stand up, looking around as red candles are lit practically in ever nook and cranny you could find in this place. I remember watching this place being built as a young child. I couldn’t have been no more then six years old at that point. I remember taking my first step into those very doors that lay behind me. This is the place where I grew up, where I got the understanding of what it was to become a man. This is the very place where I laid the foundation of who I have become today. Granted I’m no saint, but I believe.
Seth- Maybe this is what you are missing Anthony. Something to believe in that doesn’t turn it’s back on you.
The moonlight illuminates the stained glass windows around me, and as I look up towards the one of the Last Supper, I feel a tear run down my cheek. How can some people be so cruel, so stupid, and so blind to see that the one person that they crucified is the one that saved us all? This may not be what you believe, but it’s what I believe. And don’t make the mistake that I am trying to push my beliefs onto you. You have your own beliefs, your own opinions, and your own judgments. Good for you, because that’s one thing in this world you are entitled to. If you don’t have those, your no more then a follower. A push-over to politics. And the sad thing is, is that what most people today are. They believe what they tell them to believe. They say what they tell them to say. They do what they tell them to do. Instead of being a servant to God, they become servants to men.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony.
I turn, and I walk towards the front doors to this magnificent place. I pass row after row of pews, seeing different faces every now and then, every single one of them deep in prayer. I finally reach the large structure, and as I place my hand upon the handle, I feel something like an emptiness inside of me. What it is, I do not know. I begin to ignore it, and I twist the knob releasing myself to the outside world where malevolence reigns supreme. I stand at the top of the church steps, and watch as a young teenager buys drugs from across the street. Not even fifty yards away from a church, and he’s giving his life to something that does nothing. He’s wretched and weak.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony.
I keep my eyes on the kid, who no doubt thinks that this world hates him. He is probably filled with rage, probably so angry at everyone close to him, so filled with piss and venom. He probably thinks that he is such a badass to be doing these drugs and walking these streets, when the truth is, he’s nothing but stupid. He’s nothing but fucked up and needing a good ass whipping to set him straight.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony.
I step down to the end as I watch the kid turn into an alleyway. Yeah, go and do your drugs. Go and get you high and feel that ecstasy you so want. But just know that when all that has passed, you’re still coming back to reality. You’re still going to be nothing but an angry kid looking for another fix. You’re still going to be nothing to this world but a junkie. Kind of like Anthony is nothing to this world but a suicidal bitch that no one cares about. He can say all that he wants to about me, but everything he talks about is trivial. Every letter he speaks is unimportant, because every word either of us spoken in the last week is going to be tossed right out the damn door.
Seth- Just like you, Anthony. Right out the door onto your ass.
I continue walking, thoughts still running through my head. What type of thoughts you may ask? My thoughts, about what people have been doing over the past month and a half. Personal thought that are mine and mine alone, because when I share them with the world, it seems like no one cares. All it does is hurt me, and no one ever gives a fuck. And I know Anthony is going to come back with something smart about that, but what do I care anymore? Like I said before, the words that protrude from his mouth are nothing but trivial.
Seth- That really sounds like Anthony right there, he’s nothing but trivial.
Anthony says he feels right at home when he’s at the bottom of things. Look like prison has fit him well, considering he was at the bottom of bubba’s penis every night. And it also looks like PCW is fitting him pretty well, considering he’s at the bottom of the food chain week in and week out. And he will feel right at home at Trauma, considering the only thing he is going to see is the bottom of my boot connecting with the crown of his jaw. And if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Anthony say something along the lines of reality being cold, bitter, and hard?
Seth- Get ready for a reality check, asshole.
Reality is going to hit him like a train when he realizes that he just lost to me. He can’t beat me, he won’t beat me! Do you happen to have any idea why this is? It’s because I’m superior to him, an elder if you will. Too strong, too fast, just too damn good for someone like him to handle. He knows it, just won’t admit it. Just like he says I won’t admit that I’m afraid of him.
Seth- Afraid? Afraid of suicidal snuggles? Get real Mr. Douglas; I am not afraid of you! Nor will I ever be afraid.
Yeah, my head is up my ass alright. Coming from a man who thinks that death is the only answer to drown away his sins and sorrows. That’s a real great way to live. He wants to tell me that I’m broken, that I’m beaten, that I’m worthless, and completely scratched. Hell, lets just say it, he compared me with a used car. Did Shadowed Heart do that all the time back in the HHW? What’s next? A lava lamp or maybe a near by theatre? Jesus, please give me some sort of break with this man!
Seth- Oh, that’s right. The breaking will be my bones, right Anthony?
The same exact thing he said the time before that, the time before that, and even the time before that! I told him once before to deal a new hand of cards, but it looks like he didn’t take my advice. No one ever takes my advice, even though it would be the smartest thing they could ever do. But it’s their decision, and their funeral. I keep on walking, the lonely sound of my boots connecting with the pavement below. I see ahead of me a parked car, with a woman standing next to it leaning in the driver’s side window. Before long, she walks over and steps into the passenger side. The funny thing was, is that her head was only visible in the back window for about two seconds.
Seth- Druggies, whores, and fucked up suicidal psychopaths. This world is turning out great for the future kids who have to deal with it later in life. And don’t blame anyone else for it, we did this to ourselves.
I keep on walking, still thinking of what Anthony has had to say on the match. Actually, he really didn’t talk about the match, more like he insulted me and left. He thinks that Al Laiman hid me from him? I would have stepped up to the plate, and I would have beat him like the dog that he is. And I’m sure if we faced back in the HHW, it would have been the same outcome. Anthony Douglas laid out on his back, eyes staring at the back of his eyelids, and my arm being raised by the referee. It’s invincible for that to be the outcome, it might as well be written in stone. I told him I dig my own graves.
Seth- Yeah, and I will not allow some diseased rat like you decide when I am buried in it. Only God can decide that one, and he hasn’t given me the call yet. You may have never backed down from me, but I sure as hell have never hid from you. Get your facts straight before you throw out shit.
I walk along the darkened sidewalks, nothing surrounds me but old broken down buildings that were once called homes. It starts to sprinkle, as I straighten up my leather trench coat and continue my journey forward. Anthony thinks that just because he is stepping up to the plate, it means something. We’ll see what it means when I strike his ass out and leave him standing at the plate speechless with nothing to look forward to. Nothing except that rage he so proudly talks of.
Seth- You think that rage will get you everywhere, when the truth is that it will get you no where. You had a better chance when your heart was filled with hopelessness.
I think about what he said about him being my teacher, that the woodshed was open. If this was suppose to piss me off or make me laugh I didn’t know, but I found it rather pathetic. What is this, second grade when a ruler was a dangerous weapon? Listen to me, refuse to listen to me, it makes no difference anymore. It never has made a difference, because the ending result will still be the same no matter what he does! Anthony can hate me all that he wants, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME! I don’t want any of his mercy, any of his sympathy, or anything else. I just want a win over him, and a win I shall have.
Seth- Beat the fight out of me? I have more fight then you could ever handle Anthony.
He can go to hell, because that’s where he wants to go. But I’m not going with him. If anything, I’m sending him there sooner then he thought. Anthony says that kicking the hell out of me won’t be hard?
Seth- Prove it. Beat me. Make me bleed. TRY IT!
I sealed my own death warrant, did I? Maybe so, but my time doesn’t expire at Trauma. My time expires when I say it does, when God takes me and breaks me. Not when Anthony Douglas does.
Seth- Defeat me Anthony, if you can.
I continue to walk in the same direction, not knowing where I will end up. I just keep walking, and sometime soon, it will be straight through Anthony Douglas.