PCW - A PCW Daily Newsbreak - Third Edition

[Lantlas]

::The scene opens with a familiar set. Some cheesy newsroom music plays, and once again, Devon Drake is seen sitting in the news anchor chair.::

Voiceover- It's eight o'clock in Los Angeles, it's nine o'clock in Denver, it's ten o'clock in Chicago...

Trent McCain- In Charleston, time does not move unless Ace Anderson commands it to be so!

::The lights come on in the background. Devon Drake is in her usual anchor chair.::

Devon- It's time for the eleven o'clock report, but before we do, here's a word from our sponsors.

::A scene opens, and much like last time, Lantdouglas is dressed in a ridiculous costume of hip-hugger jeans, a t-shirt that's too small that has the name "ANTHONY DOUGLAS" duct-taped to it, black-eyeliner, and his hair covering one eye. He's typing into his computer, and suddenly a message appears on the screen.::

"You have received an instant message from XxXJasonWillardxXx. Will you accept?"

::Lantdouglas overexaggerates his excited nods, and clicks the "yes" button. The message appears in big letters on the screen... "HEY BIG GUY, WANNA FORM A STABLE?" Lantdouglas types in "ya I do! I do!" The response is "well, be sure to stop on by www.lostemokidswhoneedfriends.com and check us out. My name's Jason Willard, and I'm almost as emo as you are. I have stock in Bic."::

Lantdouglas- I can't believe it! There's actually someone out there who's as emo as I am?

Voiceover- Grab another tissue, emo kid. There really are people out there who suck as badly at life as you do.

Lantdouglas- Really? Jason Willard is just like me?

Voiceover- And so is his good friend, the American Nightmare. Together, you kids can get together and change your entrance music to Fall Out Boy tunes all you want!

::Suddenly, the image cuts (not literally, emo kids).::

Voiceover- Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a Snickers, cause nothing helps you stand emo kids better.

::Return to the image of Lantdouglas etching "Wolverine" into his arm.::

Lantdouglas- Wow, the boys are really gonna love this! I'm a wolverine, RAWR!

::Return to the news set, where Devon Drake has her usual "I don't know these people" look on her face.::

Devon- And.... yeah, I got nothing there.

::Devon changes back to her professional appearance.::

Devon- And now it's time for the headlines. A local man who needed a heart transplant was successfully operated on last night. An interesting side note, the operation took place in Central Park at midnight, and the donor's family was not consulted.

::Second camera shot.::

Devon- A woman in Philadelphia today announced the formation of a new religion that teaches that when you die, your soul goes to a garage in Milwaukee.

::Original camera shot.::

Devon- Jennifer Lopez has been rumored to have been secretly dating an Asian named Chung Wow Pang. If she ends up getting married to this guy, that'll only leave one continent where she hasn't contracted an STD, and needless to say, the consultant from Antarctica has his fingers crossed...



::Second camera angle.::

Devon- And now, we go live to our friends, the self-proclaimed experts of the world and everything about it, Lantlas, Neo Anderson, and Geno, who are currently trying to develop the world's longest wrestling entrance.::

::Open scene with Lantlas using a custom-made computer program called "Entrances R Us". Neo and Geno are watching eagerly as Lantlas puts in Dream Theater's "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence" album. Eight minutes of overture pass, as Neo and Geno begin practicing their imitations of the Rock and Sock connections while Lantlas eats a Snickers and hits a light change every now and then. Finally, the second part of the song hits.::

"She can't stop pacing
She never felt so alive
Her thoughts are racing
Set on overdrive

It takes a village
This she knows is true
they're expecting her
And she's got work to do

He helplessly stands by
It's meaningless to try
As he rubs his red-rimmed eyes
He says I've never seen her get this bad

Even though she seems so high
He knows that she can't fly
and when she falls out of the sky
He'll be standing by

She was raised in a small midwestern town
By a charming and eccentric loving father
She was praised as the perfect teenage girl
And everyone thought highly of her

And she tried everyday
With endless drive
To make the grade
Then one day
She woke up to find
The perfect girl
Had lost her mind

Once barely taking a break
Now she sleeps the days away
She helplessly stands by
It's meaningless to try
All she wants to do is cry
No one ever knew she was so sad

Cause even though she gets so high
And thinks that she can fly
She will fall out of the sky
But in the face of misery
She found hopefulness
Feeling better
She had weathered
This depression

Much to her advantage
She resumed her frantic pace
Boundless power
Midnight hour
She enjoyed the race"

::After the second part comes to a conclusion, the scene shows Lantlas, Geno, and Neo all gathered around the X-Box. They're playing "PCW: Here Comes the Just Shut Your Mouth and Bring It" on PS2, fighting in a six-man tag match as themselves against Nightmare 2 Society.::

Neo- Is our entrance over yet?

Lantlas- There's six more parts of that song to go. This is a 48-minute song, dammit. The longer the entrance music, the better you are. So I had a source dig up this good old Dream Theater tune, 48 minutes in it's entirety, so now we'll be the best in two federations. At least that's what they told me in PWR.::

Neo- Didn't you tell me that PWR was all gangster and stuff?

Lantlas- You tryin' to say somethin', playa?

Geno- Don't ever say that again.

Lantlas- Don't be frontin', B. I'll bust a cap in yo' cracka ass.

Neo- Basic principles; there are none, except elves don't act like Eminem... ever...

Lantlas- But you're allowed to quote Will Smith?

Neo- Neo 3:16, biatch.

::In the program, the music continues.::

"Napalm showers
Showed the cowards
We weren't there to mess around

Through heat exhaustion
And mind distortion
A military victory mounted on innocent ground

Hearing voices from miles away
Saying things never said
Seeing shadows in the light of the day
Waging a war inside my head

Years and years of
Bloodshed and warfare
Our mission was only to get in and kill

A free vacation
Of palmtrees and shrapnel
Trading innocence for permanent psychotic hell

Hearing voices from miles away
Saying things never said
Seeing shadows in the light of the day
Waging a war inside my head

Feeling strangers staring my way
Reading minds never read
Tasting danger with each word I say
Waging a war inside my head"

::Return to scene.::

Neo- I just beat LoKi in a Hell in the Cell match. Why is he even in this game?

Lantlas- He was employed, for some reason, when the game was made. But wait, how are you in this game? The only PCW airtime you see is when I pay you fifty bucks to be yourself in a pre-recorded segment!

Neo- Create A Wrestler mode, dude.

Geno- I don't think the wrestler ratings can go that low.

Lantlas- You'll be getting pinned by the Byrd now in no time!

Geno- Didn't the world champion get pinned by the Byrd?

Lantlas- Your point?

Geno- I should've made Neo. I think I have more of a grasp on how he is.

Lantlas- Geno, think about what you're saying. You're going to take the time and energy to twist your mind into a first-grader pretzel to de-program yourself down to the simple mindframe point where you can actually comprehend the idiocy it takes to make Neo Anderson?

Neo- I hate you, Kyle...

Geno- Good point. Are we on yet?

Lantlas- And you say you're PWR... You're not PWR unless your entrance is longer than the blind man's golf tournament when the pirate ninjas invaded and started moving the balls.

Neo- Um, what difference would it make? They're blind.

::In the game, the music continues.::

"Standing in the darkness
Waiting for the light
The smell of pure adrenaline
Burning in the night

Random blinding flashes
Aiming at the stage
Intro tape begins to roll
Igniting sonic rage

Still they keep me between these hollow walls
Hoping to find in me
The answers to the test that stumped them all

The boy is simply crazy
Suffering from delusions
We honestly think that maybe
He might need an institution

He lives in a world of fiction
And really could use some help
We have just the place to fix him
To save him from himself"

Curled up in the darkness
Searching for the light
The smell of stale sweat and shit
Streaming through the night

Random urine testing
Pills red, pink and blue
Counseling and therapy
Providing not a clue

Still they keep me between these hollow walls
Hoping to find in me
The answers to the test that stumped them all

We can't seem to find the answers
He seemed such a clear cut case
We cannot just let him leave here
And put all this work to waste

Why don't we try shock treatment
It really might do some help
We have just the tools to fix him
To save him from himself"

::Return to scene.::

Geno- If only beating Nightmare 2 Society was as easy in real life as it is in this game.

Lantlas- It helps when you have it on rookie mode, genius.

Neo- Aren't they all rookies anyway?

Lantlas- I don't think so. They've all sucked somewhere else, or even in PCW before. Especially Douglas, remember him in HHW?

Geno- Do we have to?

Neo- Sweet, I just pinned Douglas again!

Lantlas- Wow, none of us have ever done that.

Neo- Piss off.

::Cut to game::

"Goodnight kiss in your nightgown
Lavender in your bed
So innocent as you lie down
Sweet dreams that run through your head

Are you lonely without Mommy's love?
I want you to know I'd die for that moment
You're just a poor girl
Afraid of this cruel world
Taken away from it all

It's been 5 years to the day and
My tainted blood's still the same
I can't help acting this way and
Those bastard doctors are gonna pay

I'm so lonely without baby's love
I want you to know I'd die for one more moment
I'm just a poor girl
Afraid of this cruel world
Taken away from it all"

::Return to scene.::

Geno- This is taking forever. My ADD is killing me.

Lantlas- Geno, you don't have ADD.

Geno- Damn, guess I just had to sit through too many Blade promos.

Lantlas- Don't even make that joke, dammit! I actually have to team with him at Hostile Takeover!

Neo- Sucks to be you.

::Game::

"He seemed no different from the rest
Just a healthy normal boy
His mama always did her best
And he was daddy's pride and joy

He learned to walk and talk on time
But never cared much to be held
and steadily he would decline
Into his solitary shell

As a boy he was considered somewhat odd
Kept to himself most of the time
He would daydream in and out of his own world
but in every other way he was fine

He's a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself
In his solitary shell

A temporary catatonic
Madman on occasion
When will he break out
Of his solitary shell

He struggled to get through his day
He was helplessly behind
He poured himself onto the page
Writing for hours at a time

As a man he was a danger to himself
Fearful and sad most of the time
He was drifting in and out of sanity
But in every other way he was fine

He's a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself
In his solitary shell

A momentary maniac
With casual delusions
When will he be let out
Of his solitary shell"

::Return to Scene::

Lantlas- No man, I'm serious.

Neo- Luke does NOT push Vader!

Lantlas- But he should... I mean, the guy cut his hand off.

Geno- Didn't you guys do that before?

Neo- Yes.

Lantlas- What's your point?

::Geno shrugs.::

::Game.::

"I'm alive again
The darkness far behind me
I'm invincible
Despair will never find me

I feel strong
I've got a new sense of elation
Boundless energy
Euphoria fixation

Still it's hard to just get by
It seems so meaningless to try
When all I want to do is cry
Who would ever know I felt so sad

Even though I get so high
I know that I will never fly
And when I fall out of the sky
Who'll be standing by

Will you be standing by"

::As the grand finale of the song hits, FINALLY the three stand up, as if they're mocking what they'd do for their entrance. Lantlas stands by as Geno and Neo make complete fools of themselves.::

"She dresses in black everyday
She keeps her hair simple and plain
She never wears makeup
But no one would care if she did anyway

She doesn't recall yesterday
Faces seem twisted and strange
But she always wakes up
Only to find she'd been miles away

Absence of awareness
Losing time
A lapse of perception
Losing time

Wanting to escape
She had created a way to survive
She learned to detach from herself
A behavior that kept her alive

Hope in the face of our human distress
Helps us to understand the turbulence deep inside
That takes hold of our lives
Shame and disgrace over mental unrest
Keeps us from saving those we love
The grace within our hearts
And the sorrow in our souls
Deception of fame
Vengeance of war
Lives torn apart
Losing oneself
Spiraling down
Feeling the walls closing in
A journey to find
The answers inside
Our illusive mind"

::The song finally begins to draw to a close, and the three pretend to enter the ring..::

Neo- And now, here's Ollie Williams with the Nightmare 2 Society talent report. Ollie?

Lantlas- THEY GON' SUCK!

Neo- Thanks Ollie.

::They break "mock-ring" appearance mode and start laughing.::

Neo- I can't we actually referenced PWR.

Lantlas- That's funny, I didn't hear any subwoofers explode.

Geno- But we really need to focus on Hostile Takeover.

Lantlas- Sure, later... For now, can we go find Laura Laiman and make some more Gacy jokes?

Neo- What kind of day would it be if we didn't?

::Return to the anchor scene, where Devon doesn't even acknowledge that what just happened even took place. She returns to facing the camera.::

Devon- Famed television announcer Charlie "The Tuna" died this week of mercury poisoning... Sorry Charlie.

::Second camera angle.::

Devon- Former French President Charles DeGall rose from the dead today, just to show everyone he could really do it.

::Original angle.::

Devon- It was reported in New York today that it rained giant frogs for eight minutes around seven A.M. Willard Scott was on the weathercast, and was reported to have said "Giant frogs, giant frogs, what can I say? BACK TO YOU!"

::Second angle.::

Devon- Ladies and gentlemen, when a PCW-related story falls through the cracks, our own Lantlas Anduril will be there to catch it, for a segment we call "Back in Blue."

::Lantlas appears on screen in his usual 'Back in Blue' get-up.::

Lantlas- It's Pay-Per-View time again, and we all know what that means... We're in for a bigger dose of undeserved egos than we usually are! Nightmare 2 Society has gathered the troops, and are intelligently discussing their intentions to come away with a victory against the best in the business... and Blade. Or, something like that anyway...

"OH SHUT UP! I am not a stereotypical blonde... I actually HAVE a brain. I mean, who else could help direct Jason in his attacks against Lantlas? Yeah I know, tell me about it. Who knew PCW would hire a transgender elf."

::Lantlas stares at the camera for a few second, then shakes his head.::

Lantlas- You're right, Destiny. You're not a stereotypical blonde. Even the lowest ranking IQ score could determine that transgendered would mean being a crossdresser, and the last time I checked, the closest thing we have to a crossdresser is Anthony Douglas's mirror reflection. But as for believing that you had a brain, I think the gerbils running on the wheels have passed out from lack of air in the last few weeks. That's right, you lead your boy Jason Willard to candid, ninja-like attacks. And what happened to him at Trauma, may I ask? Oh yeah, HE GOT THE HOLY HELL BEAT OUT OF HIM! Destiny, I think the question you should be asking is why you get paid to do nothing but keep Jason Willard away from Chrissy Johnson? The last thing those kids need is that kind of reality this early in their lives. It's bad enough they have you two as parents.

::The camera angle changes again.::

Lantlas- But of course, don't think Lantlas's weekly review of the intelligence-impaired is limited to Jason Willard's wife. Jason Willard himself does enough to make him highlight-reel material!

"What's so funny about that Jason? I was being dead serious. I want another little girl or boy. Who knows, could have twins!""

Lantlas- No wait, I guess the best quotes do come from that lovely piece of work you've got there, Willard. You should've been laughing at the thought of spawning another offspring. We're not repopulating after the flood anymore, and two smaller versions of the two of you are more than enough. The prisons are overcrowded as it is. If you two had twins, God help us. Destiny, you shouldn't be reproducing anymore. You should have your legs tied together AND BE HEAVILY SEDATED!

"Destiny my love. I have Lantlas this Trauma."

::Lantlas smiles.::

Lantlas- Yeah, you had me all right. You had me add a loss to your record by beating the everloving shit out of you for attacking me, you little bastard! What did I warn you about? Did you listen? Of course not. Almost everyone in PCW bet against me once again, and I took great pleasure in screwing them out of more money than Chrissy makes in a Vegas weekend.

"Lantlas, you mother fucker. You cost me another fine. Now, I take that money out on kicking your ass. I sure hope you got life insurance covered for the next two events, because you're in for a surprise."

Lantlas- Now comes the time where you think about what you say before you say it... Go ahead, I'm waiting... Oh yeah, TOO LATE, AIN'T IT? Yeah, I really needed life insurance for swatting that fly off my shoulder. This week, a three-on-two-and-a-half handicapped tag-team match. In one corner, the Emo Kids of PCW who have nothing in common but how much they suck at life and how much angst is in every word they say. In the other corner, the undefeated Elven Warrior, and the epitomy of top-tier talent in PCW, even if I did have to give him a free cookie to convince him, the Prophet. The Elvish Tale takes another twist, but unfortunately, your stop is here, gentlemen. Get the hell out of my way BEFORE YOU GET HURT... AGAIN! Exactly where you all belong: ON THE FUCKING INJURED RESERVE LIST! Now this is what I call reality, so Nightmare 2 Society... GO FUCK YOURSELVES! NEO!

::Neo Anderson randomly appears out of nowhere.::

Neo- Thanks Lanty... And now for no reason whatsoever, a greased-up deaf guy!

::A greased-up deaf guy runs across the screen.::

Greased-Up Deaf Guy- I'm just bein' who I am! Just doin' my thing!

Neo- Thank you for that irrelevant nudity, and we now return you to your original programming!

::Devon is seen, shaking her head profusely.::

Devon- I should've stayed in Romania...

::All the background images disappear.::

[Lantlas]

Devon- And now for the feature presenation of the evening, we bring you "The Nightmaredock Societaints", brought to you by Lantlas and Friends' Particular Fondess of Using Parodies to Parody Parodies.

::The altered image comes on the screen in widescreen format, the way movies were meant to be seen.::

"THE NIGHTMAREDOCK SOCIETAINTS"

Starring such names as Lantlas, Neo Anderson, Geno, Joey Cranston, Devon Drake, and guest starring PCW's tenth most powerful man, Pegasus!

Lantonor- Do ya know what we need, man? Some rope.

Murphneo- Absolutely. What are you, insane?

Lantonor- No I ain't. Ace Anderson's always got rope.

Murphneo- What?

Lantonor- Yeah. He's got a lot of rope strapped around him in his matches, just in case his title gets in danger. He always ends up using it.

Murphneo- You've lost it, haven't ya?

Lantonor- No, I'm serious.

Murphneo- That's stupid. Name one thing you'd need a rope for.

Lantonor- You don't fuckin' know what you're gonna need it for. Tie Destiny up so she can't interfere in other people's business, give Anthony Douglas a chance to do what he wants to from the top of a steel cage... Who knows?

Murphneo- What's this shit? This isn't a movie.

Lantonor- Oh, right.

::Picks up large knife out of Murphneo's bag::

Lantonor- Is that right, Rambo?

Murphneo- All right. Get your stupid fuckin' rope.

Lantonor- I'll get my stupid rope. I'll get it. There's a rope right there.

::Scene in the air-vent.::

Murphneo- Where the fuck are you going?

Lantonor- Shhh. I fucking hear some shit out here. I think the Emo kids are having a Bic convention.

Murphneo- Ahh, fuck you! I'm sweatin' my ass off carrying your fuckin' rope around. Must weigh thirty pounds...

Lantonor- Shhh. We are doing some serious shit here. By the end of the day, we may be exposed to more Dashboard Confessional records than the average non-depressed human, or elf, can handle!

Murphneo- Oh, fuck you! I'm not the rope-totin' Ace Anderson wannabe that's getting us fucking lost!

Lantonor- We're not lost, we're just not where we should be. This much Starbucks Coffee could get us hooked.

::Scene in the church.::

Cranstignor: And I am reminded, on this day, of the sad story of Kri Delastano. As you all may remember, a long time ago, almost a week ago, this poor soul cried out for help time and time again, but no person answered his calls. Though many saw, no one so much as called for a run-in. They all just watched as Kri was being beaten to death in the middle of the ring. They watched as his assailant walked away. Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men!

Lantonor- I do believe the Cranstignor's finally got the point.

Murphneo: Aye.

::Scene after Trauma, where Jason Willard has just been defeated.::

Pegasmecker- Brilliant. So now we got a huge Elven guy theory, and a messiah from God theory. Top notch. What's your name?

Detective Geno- Detective Geno. Who the fuck are you?

::Pegasmecker opens his coat and shows his FBIIII credentials.::

Pegasmecker- That's who the... whoa... Do I actually have to say that? Are you sure? I can't just use another word? Fiiiine. That's who the fuck I am.

::Pegasmecker and Geno check the rerun of the Trauma highlights.::

Pegasmecker- We'll start the ass-kissing with you.

::Pegasmecker brings Detective Geno into the room full of PCW extras playing cops.::

Pegasmecker- First of all, I'd like to thank whichever one of you donut-munching, barrel-assed, pud-pulling sissies leaked this to the internet news reporters. That's all we need now: some sensational story in the papers making some Elven Warrior out to be a reality, wrestling his way to the championship. Let me squash the rumors right now: This double-colored eyed freak is no hero. He's just an ordinary freak who was put in an extraordinary situation and just happened to come out on top... Eleven times so far. Yes, nothing from our far-reaching wrestler-finder-thing computer system has turned up diddly on these two. All we know is what we found out from the fellow wrestlers, and the general consensus is, they're angels. But angels don't bulldoze entire rosters and take out cohesive stables by themselves. And we have two bodies in the morgue that look like they've been "Elvish Taled by some huge friggin' guy".

::Courtroom scene.::

Lantonor- Now you will receive us.

Murphneo- We do not ask for your jobbers, or your low-carders.

Lantonor- We do not ask for shots at the midcard championships.

Murphneo- It is your world champion we claim.

Lantonor- It is the Nightmare 2 Society that will be sought by us.

Murphneo- With every breath, we shall hunt them down.

Lantonor- Each day we drop them with an Elvish Tale til it thunders down from the skies.

Murphneo- Do not interfere in matches. Do not say things you cannot back up. Do not write columns that will get your ass kicked. These are principles which every wrestler of every federation can embrace.

Lantonor- These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.

Murphneo- There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain.

Lantonor- For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it.

Murphneo- And we will send you to whichever realm of midcard hell you choose.

::Pegasmecker after standing in the ring.::

Pegasmecker- You know, you HHW boys are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized elves or messiahs. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.

::Flashback to directly after Trauma.::

Lantonor- Well, "Name one thing you're gonna need this stupid fucking rope for."

Murphneo- That was way easier than I thought it would be.

Lantonor- Aye.

Murphneo- On TV you always have that guy that kicks out of everyone's finisher again and again.

Lantonor- And then you've got to hit him with a steel chair for like ten minutes.

Murphneo- We're good.

Lantonor- Yes, we are.

::Later that night.::

Devonco- Fuck it! There's so much shit that pisses me off! You guys should recruit, because I'm sick and fucking tired of walking down to the ring, waiting for one of these wrist-slashing, story-telling, attacking-for-no-reason motherfuckers to come try and take me out!

Murphneo- Hallelujah, Jaffar.

Devonco- Wait, so you're not just talking about Nightmare guys, right? You're talking about the higher-ups, even Ace Anderson?

Lantonor- Oh, yeah.

Devonco- Fuck. You guys could do this every God damn day!

Murphneo- We're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open.

Lantonor- That is nicely put.

Devonco- We could beat everyone!

Lantonor- Strangely comfortable with the idea.

Devonco- Fucking... What the fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks... FUCK!

Lantonor- Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

::Back to Pegasmecker and Geno.::

Detective notGeno- So, what's the symbology of all this?

Pegasmecker- "Symbology"? Well, now that Geno's relinquished his King Bonehead crown, I see we have a new heir to the throne. The word I believe you're looking for is "symbolism".

Detective Geno- These guys are miles away by now, but if you want to beat your head against a wall, then here's what you're looking for: they're weird. One things he's a freakin' blue-haired elf, and the other one won't appear without a puff of red smoke. Anything involving a fight is gonna bring 'em ouit of the woodwork cause that's what they do best.

Pegasmecker- How many wins, Geno?

Detective Geno- Ten.

::Pegasmecker gives him a look.::

Detective Geno- Ah, shit! I forgot about that one! Eleven!

Pegasmecker- While Geno's out gettin' coffee, anybody else want anything?

Detective Geno- Shit.

"And shepherds we shall be, for PCW, my Lord, for PCW. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand... that our Elvish Tale may swiftly carry out Thy command. So we shall flow a Flame of the West forth unto Thee, and teeming with victories shall it ever be, In Nomine Patris, Et Fili, Et Spiritus Sancti."

Movie Voiceover Guy- Coming this summer.

::The scene returns to the news anchor desk.::

Devon- I see, I only get the small part that shows me as a frequent-swearing, gun-toting.... Nevermind, that does kind of fit, doesn't it?

::Devon looks up, realizing she's back on.::

Devon- Oh, um.... That's all we got for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be back at the next random time we have a lot of free time and a budget that allows us to rip random things off and turn them into wrestling-related ridiculous storyline bits. Please stay tuned for the newest hunting show "Six of Us Are Gonna Kill a Rabbit." Goodnight, all.

::End of scene.::