Post by Lantlas on Apr 30, 2006 3:28:43 GMT -5
I watched Devon leave the room, wondering why she'd been so close to me. It's almost as if she felt the same way as she once did for me, but that certainly couldn't be the case. The first time around with that had ended so horribly that I don't think either one of us could entertain the idea of trying to resurrect that accident waiting to happen. I was still sitting on the floor, not exactly sure why she was feeling around my stab scar a few minutes ago. Although I was alone in the room, I couldn't help but feel like there was another presence. One without any good intentions, that vibe I could pick up clear as day.
There was soon a hand on my shoulder, to not even my own surprise. I slowly grabbed my shoulder, expecting to feel the rigid hands of my Elven side. Instead, a small hand with baby-soft skin clenched the nerve near my neck. Before I could react, I suddenly felt a cold, sharp piece of steel near my neck. A voice whispered in my ear, “don’t even think I’ll hesitate.” That whisper of hatred was coming from a place from which I never expected… Kieran Evenstar.
I held my hands out in front of me, to show that I had no intentions of trying to escape her wrath. She tugged on the lapel of my jacket, pulling me to my feet. She kept the blade in the small of my back, near where the old scar was. “Walk,” she ordered. “Don’t ask questions, don’t try anything, or I’ll kill you. It’s that simple.” Not sure from where this animosity was coming, I nonetheless obeyed the commands.
I followed her motion, as we left the arena without being seen. Taking a familiar route to the woods, I had a feeling I knew where we were going to end up. A place where my visits were becoming seldom, the deep forest, it was the Elven Path. Almost tripping on an object used to represent someone I defeated long ago, Kieran nearly made the mistake of thinking I was trying to escape. Fortunately for my well-being, she noticed the object entangled within my bootlaces before the knife could dig into my kidney. Finally, I was pushed up against a tree face-first. A rope was soon wrapped around my wrists, as if I was going to make any effort to run away as it was.
As I was turned around, a knee slammed into my ribs. Dropping with my back against the tree, the sharp edges of the bark cut my hands in several places. A steel-toed boot caught me right in the jaw, and blood dripped from the corners of my mouth and all over my shirt. Kieran paced back and forth in front of me for nearly two minutes, almost as if she was just waiting for me to ask what was going on, or what I’d done to deserve being treated like this. When I said nothing, she became frustrated and kicked me in the side of the head. The ground was soon sideways, and so were the boots standing right in front of my face.
“Come on, Lantlas,” Kieran taunted. “Don’t you wanna know why this is happening to you?” I remained in silence, not wanting to admit to something that I didn’t even know I was being accused of yet. Her cat-and-mouse games were not working, and she was frustrated with not being able to make this easy. “Funny, when you come out of this, you’ll probably have some sob story about how you were now even betrayed by your own kind, and you can revel in your own misery a little more, even though you feel the need to blast others for doing so.”
I wasn’t sure what she was meaning, but instead of responding, I maintained my silence. Her frustration grew after I refused to guess the topic to which she was referring. “All right,” she stated, “since you’re not going to admit to your own shortcomings, I’m going to show them to you.”
The surroundings changed to a scene from a while ago. Al Laiman was sitting in a waiting room in a doctor’s office. “What is this?” I asked. Kieran ignored my question, and when the doctor walked up to Laiman, she slapped the back of my head, I guess to make sure I was listening.
“Mr. Laiman?”
“Yes.”
“The results are in from the psychiatric exam you requested on one Lantlas Anduril.”
“I’m trusting from the fact that you’re speaking to me that something is out of the ordinary?”
The doctor took a deep breath, and then placed a hand on Laiman’s shoulder. “Perhaps we should sit down and discuss this.” The two took a seat, but for some reason, we could still hear their voices. “Mr. Laiman, this Lantlas is an interesting case. Do you know anything of his childhood?”
I covered my eyes, for Laiman knew a great deal about my past. “I know he lost both of his parents at a rather young age. Why?”
“When children are either abused by their parents or abandoned by them, intentional or not… one of two things happen. Either they fear all relationships and become completely withdrawn…”
“Or?”
“Or their search for love and acceptance becomes so great that if they feel they aren’t getting it, they will create situations so they will.”
The scene faded in front of my eyes, as Kieran Evenstar stood near my head. Burying my head in my arm once again, I couldn’t look over towards her. A voice interrupted my thoughts, and I looked forward again. Devon Drake was there, and so was I.
“Lantlas,” Devon inquired, “why are you acting like this?”
“I don’t know.”
“Lantlas, I love you, but you have to let me in sooner or later. I can’t be on this outside existence of your world. It just can’t work.”
As if seeing a memory from a third-person perspective, I watched myself turn around. I was waiting for the moment of silence, which would eventually leave Devon to betray me for the Underground Alliance. Instead, I spoke. “The eyes you’ve had for Trent, I’ve seen them. I can’t blame you; Trent’s an attractive guy. If you ever have the chance with him, I say go for it.”
“Are you serious?”
I noticed my eyes had turned into a glowing shade of green. “Of course, Devon. Would I lie to you?”
Devon smiled and leaned forward for a hug. Within the embrace of her loving arms, I saw the green-eyed side of me grin. I was downright confused, as I never remembered this happening. Things faded before my eyes into darkness, and only Kieran was there.
“Are you starting to see what I’m talking about,” she demanded.
I kept my silence, as it seemed to be the only safe thing to do in these circumstances.
“It’s convenient how you don’t remember this,” she continued. “It’s easy really. You couldn’t have the excuse to have an outlet of emotion if you didn’t have any that needed released. So what do you do? You set her up. You knew full well of her eyes for Trent, but you also knew she would only do such a thing if you said she could! When she got what she thought was the ‘okay’ from you, she went ahead and did it. Then you went crazy, but you kept a certain part a secret. You kept away the part where you allowed her to do so, where you almost encouraged it. No one would feel sorry for you if they knew that, would they? No one would see you as the hero seeking the vengeance of your wrongdoings if they knew that, would they?”
I wiped a tear from my eye. “I didn’t think she would actually go through with it.”
“Oh, I see. But did you say that to her? No, that would’ve made everything okay. That might’ve actually saved the damn relationship, right? Who can support a wrestler if he doesn’t have something driving his emotions, lighting his fire, burning his desire?”
“It’s not like that!”
“Oh really? Does our immaculate elf remember this instance?”
A memory unfolded before my eyes, earlier than the days involving Devon Drake. A very small wrestling arena, teaming with my brother Neovan against two of the dirtiest biker wrestlers we knew at the time. Neovan was being choked out, and something inside of me snapped. I watched, once again as my eyes were glowing green, I jumped in the ring despite not being tagged. When the ref tried to get in my way, I threw him out of the ring. I grabbed the biker wrestler and yanked a chunk of his hair out to get him away from my brother. The other one jumped me, and I threw him off my back. Then, when I thought I left the ring with my brother, I gasped as I saw myself take a lead pipe from the back of my shirt and crack it over the head of the wrestler who was assaulting my brother. The blood flew everywhere, and the fans began to leave in fear.
“Funny how that situation seemed so very different when you told the story later,” Kieran stated. “Never was this vicious attack mentioned, just having to watch your brother suffer. And you got off on it, because then whomever was listening would get to see you pretend to suffer!”
Everything faded once again, and Kieran was saving the best for last, I imagined. How could she resist finding the one closest and most recent to me? New Year’s Eve, her sitting on the corner with tears in her eyes. I remember this night ending in silence, but of course I’d been proven wrong many times already. “Where were you,” I heard her ask.
“I told you, I got caught up in pass points.” I cringed, knowing full well that was a lie. I was at a party with the boys, and I didn’t want to get caught up in the drama. Why did I say that though? Wouldn’t it have just been easier to tell her the truth?
“You know I had to spend New Year’s Eve alone,” she retorted, still in tears. “I had to watch that ball drop by myself. My parents are gone, you were gone, and none of my friends would pick up their phones… I was alone, Lantlas! ALONE!” My heart was breaking watching this scene, but the conversation continued even further. “I have something I need to tell you. I’ve met someone at school for whom I’ve kinda got a thing. I know you told me that if a situation like this ever came up that I should tell you.”
I saw myself look up with that same evil grin. “Give it a chance. Get to know him, you might like him.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Of course not,” I responded, “I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” Bold-faced lie, you idiot, Lantlas! She’s your entire world, and you know that damn well! Why would you do such a fucking stupid thing?
“His name’s Chris,” she continued, “and he shares a lot of the same interests I do… You know, the ones you really won’t get into, just for me.”
“I told you, I’m not good about those kind of things.” Goddammit, Lantlas! Relationships are about compromise! Why can’t you stop being a dick about the most miniscule of things?! You’re going to lose her! “If that’s what makes you happy, go right ahead. I’ll be fine.”
“Hearing you say these things just makes me love you more.” Wait, maybe being the accepting, non-jealous counterpart actually works! Way to go!
“That’s natural,” I responded, “but if you really like this guy, you may find you’re happier with him.”
The scene faded before it continued, and I was angry… with myself! “Goddammit! I can’t believe I did that!”
“Now you see, you cannot hide from things anymore.” As Kieran faded from my vision, my green-eyed self appeared in front of me, the same sick grin on his face.
“Didn’t I tell you that I was the real you?” No, it couldn’t be. What he’s been saying the whole time can’t be true. I can’t be that self-absorbed prick I saw in the situations before. That had to be a nightmare. “Give it up, Elfboy. You can’t run from it anymore. This is who you are, and there is no escape. The worst things that have happened in your life are the result of your own misguided logic and need to be in tribulation!”
My green-eyed side disappeared, and suddenly I was back, lying on the ground restrained in the grass. Kieran’s eyes were close to mine, sideways and everything. “See why I don’t want Devon to feel this way about you anymore,” she asked. I couldn’t help but nod. “It’s because YOU messed it up in the first place! She may have done the deed, but you caused it. You haven’t changed, and you never will! You might as well accept it, the only reason you’re doomed to be alone is because of you!”
“Hey, what’s going on up here?” Kieran broke away from my face and took off into the forest. Whoever it was, she didn’t want to be seen by them. I heard footsteps approaching me, and there was a knife sawing away at the rope binding my hands. “Who did this to you,” the man asked. I turned, and was staring eye to eye with… Seth Sinn!
“Seth… You’re… here?”
“Of course, you didn’t think I’d be gone forever, did you?” I was dumbfounded, for I really did think Seth was never going to come back. After convincing myself that he was going to turn on me, I wouldn’t blame him either. Seth’s hand rested on my shoulder, “whatever’s troubling you, my Elven brother, you’re not in it alone.”
Brother. A word of kinsman, one I’d only ever heard once in my life in a true sense. I couldn’t explain this to him, though. It’d probably either result in him wanting nothing further to do with me, or apparently where I’d finish the situation I created where he would…
Sometimes the best thing to do is… just shut up.
There was soon a hand on my shoulder, to not even my own surprise. I slowly grabbed my shoulder, expecting to feel the rigid hands of my Elven side. Instead, a small hand with baby-soft skin clenched the nerve near my neck. Before I could react, I suddenly felt a cold, sharp piece of steel near my neck. A voice whispered in my ear, “don’t even think I’ll hesitate.” That whisper of hatred was coming from a place from which I never expected… Kieran Evenstar.
I held my hands out in front of me, to show that I had no intentions of trying to escape her wrath. She tugged on the lapel of my jacket, pulling me to my feet. She kept the blade in the small of my back, near where the old scar was. “Walk,” she ordered. “Don’t ask questions, don’t try anything, or I’ll kill you. It’s that simple.” Not sure from where this animosity was coming, I nonetheless obeyed the commands.
I followed her motion, as we left the arena without being seen. Taking a familiar route to the woods, I had a feeling I knew where we were going to end up. A place where my visits were becoming seldom, the deep forest, it was the Elven Path. Almost tripping on an object used to represent someone I defeated long ago, Kieran nearly made the mistake of thinking I was trying to escape. Fortunately for my well-being, she noticed the object entangled within my bootlaces before the knife could dig into my kidney. Finally, I was pushed up against a tree face-first. A rope was soon wrapped around my wrists, as if I was going to make any effort to run away as it was.
As I was turned around, a knee slammed into my ribs. Dropping with my back against the tree, the sharp edges of the bark cut my hands in several places. A steel-toed boot caught me right in the jaw, and blood dripped from the corners of my mouth and all over my shirt. Kieran paced back and forth in front of me for nearly two minutes, almost as if she was just waiting for me to ask what was going on, or what I’d done to deserve being treated like this. When I said nothing, she became frustrated and kicked me in the side of the head. The ground was soon sideways, and so were the boots standing right in front of my face.
“Come on, Lantlas,” Kieran taunted. “Don’t you wanna know why this is happening to you?” I remained in silence, not wanting to admit to something that I didn’t even know I was being accused of yet. Her cat-and-mouse games were not working, and she was frustrated with not being able to make this easy. “Funny, when you come out of this, you’ll probably have some sob story about how you were now even betrayed by your own kind, and you can revel in your own misery a little more, even though you feel the need to blast others for doing so.”
I wasn’t sure what she was meaning, but instead of responding, I maintained my silence. Her frustration grew after I refused to guess the topic to which she was referring. “All right,” she stated, “since you’re not going to admit to your own shortcomings, I’m going to show them to you.”
The surroundings changed to a scene from a while ago. Al Laiman was sitting in a waiting room in a doctor’s office. “What is this?” I asked. Kieran ignored my question, and when the doctor walked up to Laiman, she slapped the back of my head, I guess to make sure I was listening.
“Mr. Laiman?”
“Yes.”
“The results are in from the psychiatric exam you requested on one Lantlas Anduril.”
“I’m trusting from the fact that you’re speaking to me that something is out of the ordinary?”
The doctor took a deep breath, and then placed a hand on Laiman’s shoulder. “Perhaps we should sit down and discuss this.” The two took a seat, but for some reason, we could still hear their voices. “Mr. Laiman, this Lantlas is an interesting case. Do you know anything of his childhood?”
I covered my eyes, for Laiman knew a great deal about my past. “I know he lost both of his parents at a rather young age. Why?”
“When children are either abused by their parents or abandoned by them, intentional or not… one of two things happen. Either they fear all relationships and become completely withdrawn…”
“Or?”
“Or their search for love and acceptance becomes so great that if they feel they aren’t getting it, they will create situations so they will.”
The scene faded in front of my eyes, as Kieran Evenstar stood near my head. Burying my head in my arm once again, I couldn’t look over towards her. A voice interrupted my thoughts, and I looked forward again. Devon Drake was there, and so was I.
“Lantlas,” Devon inquired, “why are you acting like this?”
“I don’t know.”
“Lantlas, I love you, but you have to let me in sooner or later. I can’t be on this outside existence of your world. It just can’t work.”
As if seeing a memory from a third-person perspective, I watched myself turn around. I was waiting for the moment of silence, which would eventually leave Devon to betray me for the Underground Alliance. Instead, I spoke. “The eyes you’ve had for Trent, I’ve seen them. I can’t blame you; Trent’s an attractive guy. If you ever have the chance with him, I say go for it.”
“Are you serious?”
I noticed my eyes had turned into a glowing shade of green. “Of course, Devon. Would I lie to you?”
Devon smiled and leaned forward for a hug. Within the embrace of her loving arms, I saw the green-eyed side of me grin. I was downright confused, as I never remembered this happening. Things faded before my eyes into darkness, and only Kieran was there.
“Are you starting to see what I’m talking about,” she demanded.
I kept my silence, as it seemed to be the only safe thing to do in these circumstances.
“It’s convenient how you don’t remember this,” she continued. “It’s easy really. You couldn’t have the excuse to have an outlet of emotion if you didn’t have any that needed released. So what do you do? You set her up. You knew full well of her eyes for Trent, but you also knew she would only do such a thing if you said she could! When she got what she thought was the ‘okay’ from you, she went ahead and did it. Then you went crazy, but you kept a certain part a secret. You kept away the part where you allowed her to do so, where you almost encouraged it. No one would feel sorry for you if they knew that, would they? No one would see you as the hero seeking the vengeance of your wrongdoings if they knew that, would they?”
I wiped a tear from my eye. “I didn’t think she would actually go through with it.”
“Oh, I see. But did you say that to her? No, that would’ve made everything okay. That might’ve actually saved the damn relationship, right? Who can support a wrestler if he doesn’t have something driving his emotions, lighting his fire, burning his desire?”
“It’s not like that!”
“Oh really? Does our immaculate elf remember this instance?”
A memory unfolded before my eyes, earlier than the days involving Devon Drake. A very small wrestling arena, teaming with my brother Neovan against two of the dirtiest biker wrestlers we knew at the time. Neovan was being choked out, and something inside of me snapped. I watched, once again as my eyes were glowing green, I jumped in the ring despite not being tagged. When the ref tried to get in my way, I threw him out of the ring. I grabbed the biker wrestler and yanked a chunk of his hair out to get him away from my brother. The other one jumped me, and I threw him off my back. Then, when I thought I left the ring with my brother, I gasped as I saw myself take a lead pipe from the back of my shirt and crack it over the head of the wrestler who was assaulting my brother. The blood flew everywhere, and the fans began to leave in fear.
“Funny how that situation seemed so very different when you told the story later,” Kieran stated. “Never was this vicious attack mentioned, just having to watch your brother suffer. And you got off on it, because then whomever was listening would get to see you pretend to suffer!”
Everything faded once again, and Kieran was saving the best for last, I imagined. How could she resist finding the one closest and most recent to me? New Year’s Eve, her sitting on the corner with tears in her eyes. I remember this night ending in silence, but of course I’d been proven wrong many times already. “Where were you,” I heard her ask.
“I told you, I got caught up in pass points.” I cringed, knowing full well that was a lie. I was at a party with the boys, and I didn’t want to get caught up in the drama. Why did I say that though? Wouldn’t it have just been easier to tell her the truth?
“You know I had to spend New Year’s Eve alone,” she retorted, still in tears. “I had to watch that ball drop by myself. My parents are gone, you were gone, and none of my friends would pick up their phones… I was alone, Lantlas! ALONE!” My heart was breaking watching this scene, but the conversation continued even further. “I have something I need to tell you. I’ve met someone at school for whom I’ve kinda got a thing. I know you told me that if a situation like this ever came up that I should tell you.”
I saw myself look up with that same evil grin. “Give it a chance. Get to know him, you might like him.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Of course not,” I responded, “I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” Bold-faced lie, you idiot, Lantlas! She’s your entire world, and you know that damn well! Why would you do such a fucking stupid thing?
“His name’s Chris,” she continued, “and he shares a lot of the same interests I do… You know, the ones you really won’t get into, just for me.”
“I told you, I’m not good about those kind of things.” Goddammit, Lantlas! Relationships are about compromise! Why can’t you stop being a dick about the most miniscule of things?! You’re going to lose her! “If that’s what makes you happy, go right ahead. I’ll be fine.”
“Hearing you say these things just makes me love you more.” Wait, maybe being the accepting, non-jealous counterpart actually works! Way to go!
“That’s natural,” I responded, “but if you really like this guy, you may find you’re happier with him.”
The scene faded before it continued, and I was angry… with myself! “Goddammit! I can’t believe I did that!”
“Now you see, you cannot hide from things anymore.” As Kieran faded from my vision, my green-eyed self appeared in front of me, the same sick grin on his face.
“Didn’t I tell you that I was the real you?” No, it couldn’t be. What he’s been saying the whole time can’t be true. I can’t be that self-absorbed prick I saw in the situations before. That had to be a nightmare. “Give it up, Elfboy. You can’t run from it anymore. This is who you are, and there is no escape. The worst things that have happened in your life are the result of your own misguided logic and need to be in tribulation!”
My green-eyed side disappeared, and suddenly I was back, lying on the ground restrained in the grass. Kieran’s eyes were close to mine, sideways and everything. “See why I don’t want Devon to feel this way about you anymore,” she asked. I couldn’t help but nod. “It’s because YOU messed it up in the first place! She may have done the deed, but you caused it. You haven’t changed, and you never will! You might as well accept it, the only reason you’re doomed to be alone is because of you!”
“Hey, what’s going on up here?” Kieran broke away from my face and took off into the forest. Whoever it was, she didn’t want to be seen by them. I heard footsteps approaching me, and there was a knife sawing away at the rope binding my hands. “Who did this to you,” the man asked. I turned, and was staring eye to eye with… Seth Sinn!
“Seth… You’re… here?”
“Of course, you didn’t think I’d be gone forever, did you?” I was dumbfounded, for I really did think Seth was never going to come back. After convincing myself that he was going to turn on me, I wouldn’t blame him either. Seth’s hand rested on my shoulder, “whatever’s troubling you, my Elven brother, you’re not in it alone.”
Brother. A word of kinsman, one I’d only ever heard once in my life in a true sense. I couldn’t explain this to him, though. It’d probably either result in him wanting nothing further to do with me, or apparently where I’d finish the situation I created where he would…
Sometimes the best thing to do is… just shut up.