Post by Lantlas on Nov 2, 2006 11:32:06 GMT -5
Change.
Certain circumstances in my life have changed over the past week, and I can’t say it’s not confusing. Nearing my retirement from professional wrestling, I shouldn’t be too upset that I lost the title to Grimm, right? After all, it was to be my last match in Pure Class Wrestling, possibly in the entire business in general… I should’ve gone out that way, giving the elevation to the one who could be the guy to carry the company for months to come. I should be proud, cause after all, I’ve got nothing of which to be ashamed. I held that championship over five months, built myself to a 33-5-1 career record with PCW, and only ever lost a single one-on-one match in my entire tenure.
My mind began to reflect on the words I’d said in the ring, before one Skylar Marshall so rudely interrupted me…
…
“It’s been one hell of a run, hasn’t it?” That had definitely been one way to put it, seeing as how much of my life had changed in the last year, and how much I’d accomplished in a relatively short amount of time. They, however, had no idea I was talking about my career, and not my championship reign.
The crowd responded with a warm ovation. I paced, as I always do when I’m nervous, and I leaned against the middle of the ropes, looking out into the sea of faces. It was at that point I realized that whether they liked me more, whether they like Grimm more, or whether they didn’t like me at all, I had affected a majority of them in some sense as a wrestling fan… and who knows how much beyond? The first match I saw led me to where I stood at that moment… Who knows who went for it because of me?
“Not a bad title reign for everyone in this place who’s bet against me since the day I got here.”
I paused to let that statement sink in, considering how very true it was. Whether it was Austin Majesky, Ace Anderson, or Grimm… No matter how many times I won, they’d bet against me, believing it would be the end of my run. It took Grimm till the fifth time before he could finally do it, and all the more power to him, but at the same time… I was sick of the negativity. I realized that most of the people who did that would never be satisfied with anything I did, no matter how long or how well I did it, and there was nothing I could do to change that.
“I remember a time when all I was worried about… was winning that world championship from Ace Anderson. Nothing else in the world mattered, and it should have. Times have changed, situations have changed. You see, I’m no longer the hungry-for-gold Elven Warrior I once was. I have a little girl who won’t be so little in a short time. I have a girl who I’m going to marry. So many things that I’ve missed because all my attention and desires have been on wrestling and winning championships, winning match after match, defending myself against people who will never be convinced… The only thing that really made it worth it was coming out here week after week and performing for all you in this arena, and all you who’ve been watching since I got here, and probably long before. Some of the boys in the back have brought my career to heights that I’d never thought it would be, and this past year of my life wouldn’t have been the same if it weren’t for them. So, I guess what I’m really trying to say is…”
…
Then he did it… That son of a bitch Skylar Marshall interrupted me addressing the fans for the very last time… or so I thought, anyway. Seems he had other plans in mind, and he booked me in a four-on-one War Games match against four of the toughest opponents I’ve ever faced, including the guy who beat me for the title… It was Grimm, the Prophet, Non Compos Mentis, and Kaden Keene against me. He finally made the disclaimer that if I could find the partners, it would be an even match.
I have to say, even though she is my fiancée, I was as surprised as everyone else that Jade was willing to follow me into such a brutal setting, whether it was four-on-four or four-on-two. Whether anyone knew about our relationship or not was no longer relevant, and it all seemed quite fitting that I would go out of PCW fighting along side my future wife. Perhaps being in a match of such magnitude would give her a career boost… Who knows? Maybe she’d end up holding the title I possessed at one time? Matches like this can make those moments possible, win or lose.
Justin Michaels, well… We’d never been close or anything, but we’d always gotten along pretty well. Back when we were teaming against Rodney Phoenix and Mikey Wright, we had some pretty good times. He always had my back, and we were a pretty efficient tag team. I hope he gets a lot out of this match; cause the guy has everything to gain. He’s been so close to the main-event so many times, but just needed that one extra step to do so. Like Jade, maybe this match will be what he needs… Maybe it’s the last extra push he’ll need to make him a superstar.
And, the wild card… My former greatest adversary, and now probably my best friend in the world… The one who’d been schooling me on what life was really all about… Would come out of retirement just once to fight along side me in that match. Perhaps Ace just wanted a taste of glory once more, or perhaps I really had one helluva best friend on my back. Ace and I had headlined Pay-Per-Views fighting each other, and now we’d go out fighting side-by-side. Ace had done battle with all on the opposing side of the equation, and was favored by them just about as much as I was.
What was really tremendous about this match is while Ace and I would not be returning, six superstars would likely have career defining moments in such a match. To a certain level, I was really glad that Skylar Marshall had made this match. I felt as if it could be my way of giving back to PCW for everything it’s given to me. All the opportunities, the championship matches, the exposure… I owe it all to them, and I’ll have no problem returning the favor for six extremely talented individuals.
However, there’s one knot that’s left untied… One story that’s left undone… Non Compos Mentis.
Yes, NCM is finally getting what he wanted… After this week, the only presence of HHW in PCW will be the columnist Al Laiman. However, the opportunity was there to not have a complete sweep of the series, so to speak. Despite my singles victory against him, I knew the draw is what was standing out in everyone’s mind. It was the only time it happened in my entire PCW career, and I intended to put a close on that chapter in my life. An interesting stipulation that was put on the match was that if my team won, I would regain possession of the HHW gold that Seth Sinn decided to put on the line and lose in the effort. Granted, NCM won it fairly, but his intentions with the belt I once held were a bit too grave for my liking. NCM never had any respect for me or anyone else who came from HHW, and this would be my chance to make sure I could at least retain some pride for the old glory.
What was HHW though, really? If PCW was my career, HHW was like high school to me. It’s where I did the most growing, it’s where I went through the most pain, and it’s where I truly learned the most about myself. I had some good times, I had some bad times, and I had some really bad times… It all came with the territory. I hadn’t seen many of the HHWers that hadn’t come to PCW in quite a while, and a huge part of me felt really guilty about it. I’d made some friends, and granted, some bigger enemies, during my stay there, but like Ace, Grimm, and the rest of the PCW guys, they helped make my career.
I thought about all this, as I stood concealed behind the bleachers of a central Pennsylvania gymnasium. Joey Cranston had left the name-recognition of Al Laiman’s promotion far behind, and now was doing quite well for himself, running a promotion on his own. I could see him directing traffic while some newer potential stars were trying out for the business in the ring. Surrounding the area, I could see several people I recognized from my past. Geno, Neo Anderson, Vincent Coldblood, Logan Vicious, Vin Halsted… What a nostalgia trip. I hadn’t seen most of them in at least a year. When the match in the ring was done, Cranston dismissed the kids, and then walked towards the doors with a cell phone in his hand. I decided the time was right, and I approached him.
“No, I told you that wouldn’t be a good idea, now would it? Maybe you should listen to…” He stopped as he realized who was staring him down. “Let me give you a call back, kay? Thanks.” My former archrival stared deep into my eyes, before casually extending his right arm for a handshake. “Been a while, hasn’t it elf?”
“I believe since your one random appearance in PCW some months ago, yes it has been quite a while,” I responded.
“What brings you out here?” he inquired, as his face turned a bit sour. “You’re not hoping to get a job, are you? The last thing I need is history repeating itself.”
“No, relax Joey… I’m actually retiring from wrestling.”
“Why, that ol’ PCW place not work out for ya?”
“Actually, it did… It worked out better than I, or any of you for that matter, expected it to. I was the world champion for five months, and only lost a grand total of five matches.”
“How many did you wrestle?”
“Thirty-nine.”
“Not too bad… Not as good as me, but still not too bad.” That was Cranston, all right… Hadn’t lost his cocky touch, that was for sure. Cranston looked back at his rookies. “You guys, go ahead and shower up… We’ll let ya know.” As the kids walked into the locker room, Joey shook his head and laughed a little. “Those kids never stood a chance. Damn shame, it’s hard to find good talent anymore.”
“You probably thought that way about me when I was here too,” I joked.
Cranston turned to me with a rather serious look. “Actually, Elfie… past all the jokes and Keebler references, I saw the world of potential in you. I always thought you could’ve been something great, but you always seemed to be distracted by something that wasn’t really more important, but you made it be. You let Devon get into your head, and you did the same thing with Neko… You never learned from your mistakes. They infiltrated your mind, and it wreaked havoc on your career, your relationships, your friendships, and your alliances. During that time, you screwed over quite a few people, and you lost a good amount of friends and respect as well. It’s a shame, cause I always believed if you had your head on straight, you could’ve been one of the best.” Cranston sighed, and glanced away from me. A compliment from him was a rare thing, and you could see it in his stature. “Don’t go tellin’ anybody that I told you that, or I’ll kick your Elven head off, you got it?”
“I got it, Joey… Thanks.”
I walked towards the wall where some of my former co-workers stood. My eyes connected with Geno, Neo Anderson, and then Vin Halsted, and I immediately saw them walk out of the room. Vince Coldblood and Logan Vicious came up though, apparently not holding as much bitterness.
“Lantlas, how’s it going?” Vince greeted.
“He’s still got the blue hair, how about that?” Logan added.
I motioned towards the guys leaving the building. “What’s up with them?”
Logan and Vince looked at each other a bit nervously. Vince finally turned to me and began to speak. “Lantlas, you don’t realize what’s gone on since you’ve left, have you?”
“No, I guess I don’t.”
“You see, when you screwed over Neo Anderson and Geno, that’s the last impression they have of you. You’ve never come back to apologize, you’ve never attempted to rectify the situation, and at this point, I doubt they’d listen to you anyway. You made a huge mistake, and you betrayed some good people who really cared about you… No matter how much I can’t stand them at times.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” Logan added.
“It really mattered that much to them?” I asked.
Vince put his arm around my shoulder and walked away from Vicious, who was still too busy cracking one-liners. “Lantlas, Neo Anderson was a really good friend of yours. Underneath all the Daily Show references and jokes, he stuck up for you when no one else would. He took your side at a time when anyone else would’ve been crazy to team with you. Then, only a few months later, look what you did… You did exactly what everyone warned him about, and you burned him bad. He feels like he lost a good friend, and you’ll never get that back.”
“What about Geno?”
“Geno’s the same way. Geno looked up to you a lot. When you guys were working together in C.U.B.A., he was finally in a place where he could be himself, really for the first time since he teamed with Al Laiman all those years ago. Your betrayal ran deeper than you know, Lantlas. You were in a state of mind where you didn’t take a look around you and truly realize the damage you did, and before anyone knew it, you were gone. A few months later, you showed up in that PCW place with a few HHW guys. You said you were going to come out here, but you no-showed. That’s why Cranston’s slightly bitter. He put a lot of time and effort into making you what you are today, whether you realize it or not.”
“I’m beginning to realize it more and more,” I mused.
“And Halsted, well that’s easy… You two hated each other then, and it never changed. How you two ever worked together in the first place is beyond me, but some rivalries never die.”
As I looked at Joey blabbering on, and I remembered the times I’d spent with Neo Anderson and Geno, something really began to sink in, past regret for some of the things I’d done in the past. Two things were going on, and I’d never really thought them to be possible for me. One was a feeling of serenity; where I realized that while it was important to learn from your mistakes, there’s nothing you can really do to change them. The damage is done, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And the second thing that happened, well… I suppose you could call it an epiphany.
It was at that moment that the Schizoid Neko… Terry herself… walked into the building. She caught a glimpse of me and froze in her steps. Walking up to me with a scathing look on her face, I could tell she was less thrilled than any of the previous to see me standing there. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Relax, I didn’t come to bother you.”
“The hell you didn’t… I know you better than that. What, are you going to plead and beg to be involved in my life again, like you did before?”
“No.”
“Are you going to try to win me back? You really think I’m gonna leave Chris for you, after all you’ve done to me?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
I slowly began to walk towards the door. As my hand gripped the cold steel bar, I turned back around. “Nothing.” As the doors slammed behind me, the second epiphany I’d had was all the more clear. HHW was exactly like high school in more than just the setting and growing. I’d had some best friends; I’d had a girlfriend… I’d made promises that I thought were going to last forever, and most of them didn’t. As a fault of my own or of another’s… That was not my life anymore. It was time to let those memories, those regrets, and those feelings fade into the past like a distant entry in a diary. To a point, the closure stung a little bit, to know I was finally closing the door on something that once meant the world to me. However, on a much deeper level, I knew the door had been closed to me a long time ago, and I just hadn’t realized that the world had passed me by.
Sometimes in the world you think that it doesn’t go on when you’re not there, but it does. Whenever you take a sick day, everything goes as normal. Some people might notice that you’re not there, but that’s the extent of it. When you call off work, the shift doesn’t collapse without you. Somebody takes your place and earns the money you would’ve made. When you ditch a date, they usually find someone else, and sometimes end up getting married to that person. When a friendship ends, and you go your separate ways, on occasion you might look back on that friendship with disgust or nostalgia, but for the most part, you’re glad it ended. You may not be happy with the manner in which it ended, but you’re glad it did nonetheless.
Change is a hard thing to accept, and a life transition is difficult when you’ve got to let a majority of it go. Sometimes all you have are framed pictures and distant memories, and even those fade into the back of your scrapbook or your mind after awhile. The world keeps turning, people’s lives keep going, but yours only does if you let it. Emerald and Emily… That was my life now. And that wasn’t a bad thing. It’s just the way it was, and I finally made the peace with myself to accept that.
Serenity.
Certain circumstances in my life have changed over the past week, and I can’t say it’s not confusing. Nearing my retirement from professional wrestling, I shouldn’t be too upset that I lost the title to Grimm, right? After all, it was to be my last match in Pure Class Wrestling, possibly in the entire business in general… I should’ve gone out that way, giving the elevation to the one who could be the guy to carry the company for months to come. I should be proud, cause after all, I’ve got nothing of which to be ashamed. I held that championship over five months, built myself to a 33-5-1 career record with PCW, and only ever lost a single one-on-one match in my entire tenure.
My mind began to reflect on the words I’d said in the ring, before one Skylar Marshall so rudely interrupted me…
…
“It’s been one hell of a run, hasn’t it?” That had definitely been one way to put it, seeing as how much of my life had changed in the last year, and how much I’d accomplished in a relatively short amount of time. They, however, had no idea I was talking about my career, and not my championship reign.
The crowd responded with a warm ovation. I paced, as I always do when I’m nervous, and I leaned against the middle of the ropes, looking out into the sea of faces. It was at that point I realized that whether they liked me more, whether they like Grimm more, or whether they didn’t like me at all, I had affected a majority of them in some sense as a wrestling fan… and who knows how much beyond? The first match I saw led me to where I stood at that moment… Who knows who went for it because of me?
“Not a bad title reign for everyone in this place who’s bet against me since the day I got here.”
I paused to let that statement sink in, considering how very true it was. Whether it was Austin Majesky, Ace Anderson, or Grimm… No matter how many times I won, they’d bet against me, believing it would be the end of my run. It took Grimm till the fifth time before he could finally do it, and all the more power to him, but at the same time… I was sick of the negativity. I realized that most of the people who did that would never be satisfied with anything I did, no matter how long or how well I did it, and there was nothing I could do to change that.
“I remember a time when all I was worried about… was winning that world championship from Ace Anderson. Nothing else in the world mattered, and it should have. Times have changed, situations have changed. You see, I’m no longer the hungry-for-gold Elven Warrior I once was. I have a little girl who won’t be so little in a short time. I have a girl who I’m going to marry. So many things that I’ve missed because all my attention and desires have been on wrestling and winning championships, winning match after match, defending myself against people who will never be convinced… The only thing that really made it worth it was coming out here week after week and performing for all you in this arena, and all you who’ve been watching since I got here, and probably long before. Some of the boys in the back have brought my career to heights that I’d never thought it would be, and this past year of my life wouldn’t have been the same if it weren’t for them. So, I guess what I’m really trying to say is…”
…
Then he did it… That son of a bitch Skylar Marshall interrupted me addressing the fans for the very last time… or so I thought, anyway. Seems he had other plans in mind, and he booked me in a four-on-one War Games match against four of the toughest opponents I’ve ever faced, including the guy who beat me for the title… It was Grimm, the Prophet, Non Compos Mentis, and Kaden Keene against me. He finally made the disclaimer that if I could find the partners, it would be an even match.
I have to say, even though she is my fiancée, I was as surprised as everyone else that Jade was willing to follow me into such a brutal setting, whether it was four-on-four or four-on-two. Whether anyone knew about our relationship or not was no longer relevant, and it all seemed quite fitting that I would go out of PCW fighting along side my future wife. Perhaps being in a match of such magnitude would give her a career boost… Who knows? Maybe she’d end up holding the title I possessed at one time? Matches like this can make those moments possible, win or lose.
Justin Michaels, well… We’d never been close or anything, but we’d always gotten along pretty well. Back when we were teaming against Rodney Phoenix and Mikey Wright, we had some pretty good times. He always had my back, and we were a pretty efficient tag team. I hope he gets a lot out of this match; cause the guy has everything to gain. He’s been so close to the main-event so many times, but just needed that one extra step to do so. Like Jade, maybe this match will be what he needs… Maybe it’s the last extra push he’ll need to make him a superstar.
And, the wild card… My former greatest adversary, and now probably my best friend in the world… The one who’d been schooling me on what life was really all about… Would come out of retirement just once to fight along side me in that match. Perhaps Ace just wanted a taste of glory once more, or perhaps I really had one helluva best friend on my back. Ace and I had headlined Pay-Per-Views fighting each other, and now we’d go out fighting side-by-side. Ace had done battle with all on the opposing side of the equation, and was favored by them just about as much as I was.
What was really tremendous about this match is while Ace and I would not be returning, six superstars would likely have career defining moments in such a match. To a certain level, I was really glad that Skylar Marshall had made this match. I felt as if it could be my way of giving back to PCW for everything it’s given to me. All the opportunities, the championship matches, the exposure… I owe it all to them, and I’ll have no problem returning the favor for six extremely talented individuals.
However, there’s one knot that’s left untied… One story that’s left undone… Non Compos Mentis.
Yes, NCM is finally getting what he wanted… After this week, the only presence of HHW in PCW will be the columnist Al Laiman. However, the opportunity was there to not have a complete sweep of the series, so to speak. Despite my singles victory against him, I knew the draw is what was standing out in everyone’s mind. It was the only time it happened in my entire PCW career, and I intended to put a close on that chapter in my life. An interesting stipulation that was put on the match was that if my team won, I would regain possession of the HHW gold that Seth Sinn decided to put on the line and lose in the effort. Granted, NCM won it fairly, but his intentions with the belt I once held were a bit too grave for my liking. NCM never had any respect for me or anyone else who came from HHW, and this would be my chance to make sure I could at least retain some pride for the old glory.
What was HHW though, really? If PCW was my career, HHW was like high school to me. It’s where I did the most growing, it’s where I went through the most pain, and it’s where I truly learned the most about myself. I had some good times, I had some bad times, and I had some really bad times… It all came with the territory. I hadn’t seen many of the HHWers that hadn’t come to PCW in quite a while, and a huge part of me felt really guilty about it. I’d made some friends, and granted, some bigger enemies, during my stay there, but like Ace, Grimm, and the rest of the PCW guys, they helped make my career.
I thought about all this, as I stood concealed behind the bleachers of a central Pennsylvania gymnasium. Joey Cranston had left the name-recognition of Al Laiman’s promotion far behind, and now was doing quite well for himself, running a promotion on his own. I could see him directing traffic while some newer potential stars were trying out for the business in the ring. Surrounding the area, I could see several people I recognized from my past. Geno, Neo Anderson, Vincent Coldblood, Logan Vicious, Vin Halsted… What a nostalgia trip. I hadn’t seen most of them in at least a year. When the match in the ring was done, Cranston dismissed the kids, and then walked towards the doors with a cell phone in his hand. I decided the time was right, and I approached him.
“No, I told you that wouldn’t be a good idea, now would it? Maybe you should listen to…” He stopped as he realized who was staring him down. “Let me give you a call back, kay? Thanks.” My former archrival stared deep into my eyes, before casually extending his right arm for a handshake. “Been a while, hasn’t it elf?”
“I believe since your one random appearance in PCW some months ago, yes it has been quite a while,” I responded.
“What brings you out here?” he inquired, as his face turned a bit sour. “You’re not hoping to get a job, are you? The last thing I need is history repeating itself.”
“No, relax Joey… I’m actually retiring from wrestling.”
“Why, that ol’ PCW place not work out for ya?”
“Actually, it did… It worked out better than I, or any of you for that matter, expected it to. I was the world champion for five months, and only lost a grand total of five matches.”
“How many did you wrestle?”
“Thirty-nine.”
“Not too bad… Not as good as me, but still not too bad.” That was Cranston, all right… Hadn’t lost his cocky touch, that was for sure. Cranston looked back at his rookies. “You guys, go ahead and shower up… We’ll let ya know.” As the kids walked into the locker room, Joey shook his head and laughed a little. “Those kids never stood a chance. Damn shame, it’s hard to find good talent anymore.”
“You probably thought that way about me when I was here too,” I joked.
Cranston turned to me with a rather serious look. “Actually, Elfie… past all the jokes and Keebler references, I saw the world of potential in you. I always thought you could’ve been something great, but you always seemed to be distracted by something that wasn’t really more important, but you made it be. You let Devon get into your head, and you did the same thing with Neko… You never learned from your mistakes. They infiltrated your mind, and it wreaked havoc on your career, your relationships, your friendships, and your alliances. During that time, you screwed over quite a few people, and you lost a good amount of friends and respect as well. It’s a shame, cause I always believed if you had your head on straight, you could’ve been one of the best.” Cranston sighed, and glanced away from me. A compliment from him was a rare thing, and you could see it in his stature. “Don’t go tellin’ anybody that I told you that, or I’ll kick your Elven head off, you got it?”
“I got it, Joey… Thanks.”
I walked towards the wall where some of my former co-workers stood. My eyes connected with Geno, Neo Anderson, and then Vin Halsted, and I immediately saw them walk out of the room. Vince Coldblood and Logan Vicious came up though, apparently not holding as much bitterness.
“Lantlas, how’s it going?” Vince greeted.
“He’s still got the blue hair, how about that?” Logan added.
I motioned towards the guys leaving the building. “What’s up with them?”
Logan and Vince looked at each other a bit nervously. Vince finally turned to me and began to speak. “Lantlas, you don’t realize what’s gone on since you’ve left, have you?”
“No, I guess I don’t.”
“You see, when you screwed over Neo Anderson and Geno, that’s the last impression they have of you. You’ve never come back to apologize, you’ve never attempted to rectify the situation, and at this point, I doubt they’d listen to you anyway. You made a huge mistake, and you betrayed some good people who really cared about you… No matter how much I can’t stand them at times.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” Logan added.
“It really mattered that much to them?” I asked.
Vince put his arm around my shoulder and walked away from Vicious, who was still too busy cracking one-liners. “Lantlas, Neo Anderson was a really good friend of yours. Underneath all the Daily Show references and jokes, he stuck up for you when no one else would. He took your side at a time when anyone else would’ve been crazy to team with you. Then, only a few months later, look what you did… You did exactly what everyone warned him about, and you burned him bad. He feels like he lost a good friend, and you’ll never get that back.”
“What about Geno?”
“Geno’s the same way. Geno looked up to you a lot. When you guys were working together in C.U.B.A., he was finally in a place where he could be himself, really for the first time since he teamed with Al Laiman all those years ago. Your betrayal ran deeper than you know, Lantlas. You were in a state of mind where you didn’t take a look around you and truly realize the damage you did, and before anyone knew it, you were gone. A few months later, you showed up in that PCW place with a few HHW guys. You said you were going to come out here, but you no-showed. That’s why Cranston’s slightly bitter. He put a lot of time and effort into making you what you are today, whether you realize it or not.”
“I’m beginning to realize it more and more,” I mused.
“And Halsted, well that’s easy… You two hated each other then, and it never changed. How you two ever worked together in the first place is beyond me, but some rivalries never die.”
As I looked at Joey blabbering on, and I remembered the times I’d spent with Neo Anderson and Geno, something really began to sink in, past regret for some of the things I’d done in the past. Two things were going on, and I’d never really thought them to be possible for me. One was a feeling of serenity; where I realized that while it was important to learn from your mistakes, there’s nothing you can really do to change them. The damage is done, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And the second thing that happened, well… I suppose you could call it an epiphany.
It was at that moment that the Schizoid Neko… Terry herself… walked into the building. She caught a glimpse of me and froze in her steps. Walking up to me with a scathing look on her face, I could tell she was less thrilled than any of the previous to see me standing there. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Relax, I didn’t come to bother you.”
“The hell you didn’t… I know you better than that. What, are you going to plead and beg to be involved in my life again, like you did before?”
“No.”
“Are you going to try to win me back? You really think I’m gonna leave Chris for you, after all you’ve done to me?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
I slowly began to walk towards the door. As my hand gripped the cold steel bar, I turned back around. “Nothing.” As the doors slammed behind me, the second epiphany I’d had was all the more clear. HHW was exactly like high school in more than just the setting and growing. I’d had some best friends; I’d had a girlfriend… I’d made promises that I thought were going to last forever, and most of them didn’t. As a fault of my own or of another’s… That was not my life anymore. It was time to let those memories, those regrets, and those feelings fade into the past like a distant entry in a diary. To a point, the closure stung a little bit, to know I was finally closing the door on something that once meant the world to me. However, on a much deeper level, I knew the door had been closed to me a long time ago, and I just hadn’t realized that the world had passed me by.
Sometimes in the world you think that it doesn’t go on when you’re not there, but it does. Whenever you take a sick day, everything goes as normal. Some people might notice that you’re not there, but that’s the extent of it. When you call off work, the shift doesn’t collapse without you. Somebody takes your place and earns the money you would’ve made. When you ditch a date, they usually find someone else, and sometimes end up getting married to that person. When a friendship ends, and you go your separate ways, on occasion you might look back on that friendship with disgust or nostalgia, but for the most part, you’re glad it ended. You may not be happy with the manner in which it ended, but you’re glad it did nonetheless.
Change is a hard thing to accept, and a life transition is difficult when you’ve got to let a majority of it go. Sometimes all you have are framed pictures and distant memories, and even those fade into the back of your scrapbook or your mind after awhile. The world keeps turning, people’s lives keep going, but yours only does if you let it. Emerald and Emily… That was my life now. And that wasn’t a bad thing. It’s just the way it was, and I finally made the peace with myself to accept that.
Serenity.