Post by moonwick on Nov 27, 2006 22:54:19 GMT -5
Jade grew more nervous with each day that swept by. That voice! She couldn’t get that horrible voice out of her head. It was devious and lethal, a violent whisper that echoed in her thoughts ever since a week earlier when she had last heard it…a voice from her past.
All these years, Jade had tried to forget all that had happened in her past, and for all these years, she had failed to forget. Then Lantlas, a.k.a. “Lane Darin” came along, and suddenly Life seemed so beautiful that everything ugly was covered up with a new coat of paint. Half-dreaming, she helped Emerald decorate sugar cookies; the little girl had been begging to make them all week just so that she could give one to her Vati. The father and his daughter had grown so much closer over the past few weeks, since Lantlas retired from PCW.
This. This is what she had wanted all of her life: to love and be loved in return; to forget the past, and everything she hated. When she looked into Lantlas’ deep eyes…the color of a sea after a storm…it all seemed so easy to forget. When she heard Emerald laughing, so happy and carefree like a single white feather dancing, Jade felt like a different person. For several splendid moments a day, she was a part of something better than what her life had been. She was theirs and they were hers…a family. Her own. It almost felt real…
But then the past always came crashing down, smiting everything and everyone in its path, reminding Jade how it really was. She was constantly exhausted from warding off the blows of pain and sin that resurfaced from bitter, long-ago years, and tired of having to keep the truth from her new family, from herself. That evil voice, that evil man, that evil memory had embedded into her soul forever, like a parasite. It was as if his fingerprints had never washed away from her skin, although Jade scrubbed relentlessly for weeks after she had gotten away from the creep. And now he was back. He found her.
At night she laid in bed with her fiancee, wanting to tell him her story. It would be the first time she had ever told anyone what had really happened all those years ago. They’d chat about how the day had gone, how the weather had been, how much they cared for each other. They’d make love and afterward they would hold each other so close that Jade could not distinguish whose heartbeat she felt: hers or that of her husband-to-be. Every night she wanted to tell him…every night it tortured her, especially now that she was in real danger.
But Jade was ashamed of her past. She felt it was her fault; none of those bad memories would have happened had she been stronger. It was her fault. It was her fault. And she couldn’t forget. She couldn’t change the past. But Jade knew that if she didn’t fight it, there wouldn’t be a future.
All these years, Jade had tried to forget all that had happened in her past, and for all these years, she had failed to forget. Then Lantlas, a.k.a. “Lane Darin” came along, and suddenly Life seemed so beautiful that everything ugly was covered up with a new coat of paint. Half-dreaming, she helped Emerald decorate sugar cookies; the little girl had been begging to make them all week just so that she could give one to her Vati. The father and his daughter had grown so much closer over the past few weeks, since Lantlas retired from PCW.
This. This is what she had wanted all of her life: to love and be loved in return; to forget the past, and everything she hated. When she looked into Lantlas’ deep eyes…the color of a sea after a storm…it all seemed so easy to forget. When she heard Emerald laughing, so happy and carefree like a single white feather dancing, Jade felt like a different person. For several splendid moments a day, she was a part of something better than what her life had been. She was theirs and they were hers…a family. Her own. It almost felt real…
But then the past always came crashing down, smiting everything and everyone in its path, reminding Jade how it really was. She was constantly exhausted from warding off the blows of pain and sin that resurfaced from bitter, long-ago years, and tired of having to keep the truth from her new family, from herself. That evil voice, that evil man, that evil memory had embedded into her soul forever, like a parasite. It was as if his fingerprints had never washed away from her skin, although Jade scrubbed relentlessly for weeks after she had gotten away from the creep. And now he was back. He found her.
At night she laid in bed with her fiancee, wanting to tell him her story. It would be the first time she had ever told anyone what had really happened all those years ago. They’d chat about how the day had gone, how the weather had been, how much they cared for each other. They’d make love and afterward they would hold each other so close that Jade could not distinguish whose heartbeat she felt: hers or that of her husband-to-be. Every night she wanted to tell him…every night it tortured her, especially now that she was in real danger.
But Jade was ashamed of her past. She felt it was her fault; none of those bad memories would have happened had she been stronger. It was her fault. It was her fault. And she couldn’t forget. She couldn’t change the past. But Jade knew that if she didn’t fight it, there wouldn’t be a future.