Post by Lantlas on Feb 6, 2007 23:54:39 GMT -5
"The Thrilling Conclusion Kinda"
Parrying back and forth as we passed many a horrified customer, Brian and I continued our duel. Brian took a long swipe. I ducked out of the way, and his light saber collided with a stack of stuffed animals. They tumbled away, as Brian pulled himself back to his feet. “You think you’re clever, eh?”
“I’m only as clever as the plan propositioned,” I responded.
“So, you’re brilliant then, because I would only ever come up with a plan that was brilliant,” he bragged as he met me cross-blade again. He pushed me back up against a concrete wall, and I rolled my eyes a little bit. “What was that about?”
“If I’m brilliant and your plan is brilliant, which of the two exceeds the brilliant level of greatness?”
“The brilliant level of greatness,” Brian growled as he swung at my head. I ducked just in time and met him near the toy store. “Can only be met with a certain net amount of awesome.”
“So, in order to achieve this certain net amount of awesome,” I began as I took a stab near Brian, but got knocked away. I turned back just in time to block his slice. “It would take such a brilliant level of greatness that it would require an implement of pure genius in order to succeed?”
“You know nothing of pure genius, plebian!”
“Oh, and who does?”
“Only one with a ripe amount of cool.”
“The ripe amount of cool creates the possibility for the implement of pure genius, acquired by the net amount of awesome, attributed with a brilliant level of greatness?”
“Get it?”
“Got it.”
“Good, now die!”
“Never!” I screamed as I lunged forward, but unfortunately I missed once again and crashed into a table of women’s panties. I arose, but a pink thong was still dangling from my blade as I swung back and attacked Brian.
“What is that?” he heartily chuckled. “Is that the best you can give me?”
“Actually, no,” I replied as I threw a white g-string in his face. “You haven’t seen my best, fool!”
“Your best will be no match for my greatest!”
“Don’t even get started with the adjectives again,” I warned as I clenched my light saber tightly. Security was starting to notice, but the people crowded around us made it impossible for them to get through. “All these people will witness the ruler of the galaxy defeating his fellow non-existent partner in crime, and in turn will know that their ruler will live on to another day!”
“You won’t live on, because if you don’t exist, there’s no life waiting for you!”
“That goes for you too,” I retorted.
“Only a life of people calling, hearing us pick up the phone, and proceeding to ask us if we’re open.”
“You get that too?” I asked as I released the grip on my saber a bit.
“All the time,” Brian replied, him too putting his blade down at his side. “It’s like, ‘why would we be answering the phones if we weren’t?’”
“I hate that almost as much as the people who put the movie down on the counter, even though they see your hand extended to them to grab it.”
“People do the same thing with money! I just stand there with my hand extended until they realize it.”
“Yeah, me too,” I agreed, “but most of them don’t pick up on it.” The people watching us looked rather confused, and most of them returned to their shopping. “You know what else I hate?”
“Stalkers?”
“Yes, but we’re not talking about that right now.”
“Then what are we talking about?”
“I don’t know, do you?”
“Not really,” Brian shrugged. “What are we doing in the Disney store anyway?”
“Not sure,” I responded, “maybe I’ll see a few more people who ask me if I work here.”
“Or some who will bitch that they didn’t like a sequel when they didn’t see the first?”
“Or when the company makes you destroy movies because they sent you too many?”
“I hate that too,” Brian agreed, “they’re not making enough of a profit on it, so they destroy it. How does that help?”
“Know what the manager says?”
“Company policy?”
“Yep, we’re just supposed to be obedient and not ask questions. They frown upon that.”
“Of course,” Brian concurred, “because at the end of the day, you’re replaceable and they can hire someone just like you in a minute.”
“At least that’s how they see it,” I continued, “and that’s why they can make us ram those customer rewards programs down their throats all the time. They don’t care if the customers don’t like it, and they don’t care if you don’t like the fact that the customers don’t like it. You leaving isn’t a threat, and they’ll pick up someone who won’t ask questions and who will sell their programs, not make any commission off of it, and line the pockets of those at the very top.”
“What does it take to get to the top, man?”
“I don’t know, Brian, but I think existing would be a good start,”
I smiled as I began to swing my saber at him again. Brian was too laid back in conversation that he couldn’t get his blade up in time, but before I could swing around, I got assaulted with a pile of falling Winnie the Poohs. Brian turned around and fell victim to an equal pile of Ariels. Brian and I both fought our way through the sea of stuffed animals and saw Chris from Orange Julius standing there, the JCPenney’s girl-in-training at his side, and a light saber raised in the air. “I will never rule the galaxy with the likes of you!”
Brian and I looked at each other dumbfounded. The mall security team finally apprehended him, and surprisingly ignored us. We were quickly told that we were banned from the Disney store, surely a heartbreaker, and we stepped out to watch security escorting Chris out of the mall. His golden girl of the mall walked at his side, and Chris smiled his dorky grin as always.
“Man,” Brian sighed as he watched the doors close behind Chris.
“Yeah,” I sighed in agreement.
“Who woulda thought the Orange Julius guy would go home with a JCPenney’s girl tonight?”
“Who woulda thought we wouldn’t have been fired for dueling with light sabers in a public mall.”
Brian and I each did a double take. “Dude!” Brian exclaimed.
“We’re still on the clock!”
We bolted back towards our respective stores, and I landed in MovieXPress just as the boss opened the back door. “Alex?” he asked.
“Yes, Boss?”
“Where were you? Did you chase after another customer again?”
“No, there was a… um… clown. He was… selling… fishsticks, and as he went by, I thought ‘Alex, you could really use some delicious fishsticks to compliment that wonderful lunch you had from the foodcourt.’ And then I said ‘You know Alex, I believe you’re right.’ Who would have thought that it took thirty-seven minutes to chase down a fishstick-selling clown?”
“Are you making that up?”
“The answers to that question are yes and no, and I will tell you that it is indeed one of them.”
“Whatever, I don’t have time for the games. Did you sell any rewards programs today?”
“Four, why?”
“Good, you met the goal of three. I don’t always like your methods, and sometimes you make me want to strangle you, but you always do a great job at getting numbers.”
“So you’re promoting me?”
“No,” he responded, “but I’m not going to fire you, despite a light saber duel in the middle of the mall while on the clock.”
“You saw that?”
“Yes, and even though I should’ve fired you for it, I can’t help the fact that you’re the most… interesting guy who has ever worked for me, and if you get your head on straight, someday I’m sure you’ll have your own store.”
Wow, that was the last thing I was expecting. “Um, thanks Boss.”
“No thanks necessary,” he replied. “Now it’s time to close down the store. Pull the gate down, and just hang out for a while. Watch a movie, I know you hate that trailer disc. I’ll see you here bright and early tomorrow morning, right?”
“You got it, Boss.”
As he disappeared in the back, even though I’d wanted to maim him earlier in the day, I realized I didn’t quite have him figured out as I thought. I hopped up on the counter and changed it to one of my favorite movies, and just as the beginning credits stopped rolling, the store phone rang.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, is this MovieXPress?”
“Yes.”
“Are you guys still open?”
“What time is it?”
“Um… Nine-fifteen?”
“And what time does the mall close?”
“Uh…. Nine?”
“So do you think we’re still open?”
“….No?”
“Very good.”
“But can you let me in, just for a second? I know exactly what I want.”
“And so do I. To get out of this shirt, have a beer, and quit taking stupid phone calls,” I replied as I hung up the phone. Sure, it would all begin again tomorrow, and I’m sure I’d have the same headache as I did today, but what can I say? That’s life in retail. The customer is always right.
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Parrying back and forth as we passed many a horrified customer, Brian and I continued our duel. Brian took a long swipe. I ducked out of the way, and his light saber collided with a stack of stuffed animals. They tumbled away, as Brian pulled himself back to his feet. “You think you’re clever, eh?”
“I’m only as clever as the plan propositioned,” I responded.
“So, you’re brilliant then, because I would only ever come up with a plan that was brilliant,” he bragged as he met me cross-blade again. He pushed me back up against a concrete wall, and I rolled my eyes a little bit. “What was that about?”
“If I’m brilliant and your plan is brilliant, which of the two exceeds the brilliant level of greatness?”
“The brilliant level of greatness,” Brian growled as he swung at my head. I ducked just in time and met him near the toy store. “Can only be met with a certain net amount of awesome.”
“So, in order to achieve this certain net amount of awesome,” I began as I took a stab near Brian, but got knocked away. I turned back just in time to block his slice. “It would take such a brilliant level of greatness that it would require an implement of pure genius in order to succeed?”
“You know nothing of pure genius, plebian!”
“Oh, and who does?”
“Only one with a ripe amount of cool.”
“The ripe amount of cool creates the possibility for the implement of pure genius, acquired by the net amount of awesome, attributed with a brilliant level of greatness?”
“Get it?”
“Got it.”
“Good, now die!”
“Never!” I screamed as I lunged forward, but unfortunately I missed once again and crashed into a table of women’s panties. I arose, but a pink thong was still dangling from my blade as I swung back and attacked Brian.
“What is that?” he heartily chuckled. “Is that the best you can give me?”
“Actually, no,” I replied as I threw a white g-string in his face. “You haven’t seen my best, fool!”
“Your best will be no match for my greatest!”
“Don’t even get started with the adjectives again,” I warned as I clenched my light saber tightly. Security was starting to notice, but the people crowded around us made it impossible for them to get through. “All these people will witness the ruler of the galaxy defeating his fellow non-existent partner in crime, and in turn will know that their ruler will live on to another day!”
“You won’t live on, because if you don’t exist, there’s no life waiting for you!”
“That goes for you too,” I retorted.
“Only a life of people calling, hearing us pick up the phone, and proceeding to ask us if we’re open.”
“You get that too?” I asked as I released the grip on my saber a bit.
“All the time,” Brian replied, him too putting his blade down at his side. “It’s like, ‘why would we be answering the phones if we weren’t?’”
“I hate that almost as much as the people who put the movie down on the counter, even though they see your hand extended to them to grab it.”
“People do the same thing with money! I just stand there with my hand extended until they realize it.”
“Yeah, me too,” I agreed, “but most of them don’t pick up on it.” The people watching us looked rather confused, and most of them returned to their shopping. “You know what else I hate?”
“Stalkers?”
“Yes, but we’re not talking about that right now.”
“Then what are we talking about?”
“I don’t know, do you?”
“Not really,” Brian shrugged. “What are we doing in the Disney store anyway?”
“Not sure,” I responded, “maybe I’ll see a few more people who ask me if I work here.”
“Or some who will bitch that they didn’t like a sequel when they didn’t see the first?”
“Or when the company makes you destroy movies because they sent you too many?”
“I hate that too,” Brian agreed, “they’re not making enough of a profit on it, so they destroy it. How does that help?”
“Know what the manager says?”
“Company policy?”
“Yep, we’re just supposed to be obedient and not ask questions. They frown upon that.”
“Of course,” Brian concurred, “because at the end of the day, you’re replaceable and they can hire someone just like you in a minute.”
“At least that’s how they see it,” I continued, “and that’s why they can make us ram those customer rewards programs down their throats all the time. They don’t care if the customers don’t like it, and they don’t care if you don’t like the fact that the customers don’t like it. You leaving isn’t a threat, and they’ll pick up someone who won’t ask questions and who will sell their programs, not make any commission off of it, and line the pockets of those at the very top.”
“What does it take to get to the top, man?”
“I don’t know, Brian, but I think existing would be a good start,”
I smiled as I began to swing my saber at him again. Brian was too laid back in conversation that he couldn’t get his blade up in time, but before I could swing around, I got assaulted with a pile of falling Winnie the Poohs. Brian turned around and fell victim to an equal pile of Ariels. Brian and I both fought our way through the sea of stuffed animals and saw Chris from Orange Julius standing there, the JCPenney’s girl-in-training at his side, and a light saber raised in the air. “I will never rule the galaxy with the likes of you!”
Brian and I looked at each other dumbfounded. The mall security team finally apprehended him, and surprisingly ignored us. We were quickly told that we were banned from the Disney store, surely a heartbreaker, and we stepped out to watch security escorting Chris out of the mall. His golden girl of the mall walked at his side, and Chris smiled his dorky grin as always.
“Man,” Brian sighed as he watched the doors close behind Chris.
“Yeah,” I sighed in agreement.
“Who woulda thought the Orange Julius guy would go home with a JCPenney’s girl tonight?”
“Who woulda thought we wouldn’t have been fired for dueling with light sabers in a public mall.”
Brian and I each did a double take. “Dude!” Brian exclaimed.
“We’re still on the clock!”
We bolted back towards our respective stores, and I landed in MovieXPress just as the boss opened the back door. “Alex?” he asked.
“Yes, Boss?”
“Where were you? Did you chase after another customer again?”
“No, there was a… um… clown. He was… selling… fishsticks, and as he went by, I thought ‘Alex, you could really use some delicious fishsticks to compliment that wonderful lunch you had from the foodcourt.’ And then I said ‘You know Alex, I believe you’re right.’ Who would have thought that it took thirty-seven minutes to chase down a fishstick-selling clown?”
“Are you making that up?”
“The answers to that question are yes and no, and I will tell you that it is indeed one of them.”
“Whatever, I don’t have time for the games. Did you sell any rewards programs today?”
“Four, why?”
“Good, you met the goal of three. I don’t always like your methods, and sometimes you make me want to strangle you, but you always do a great job at getting numbers.”
“So you’re promoting me?”
“No,” he responded, “but I’m not going to fire you, despite a light saber duel in the middle of the mall while on the clock.”
“You saw that?”
“Yes, and even though I should’ve fired you for it, I can’t help the fact that you’re the most… interesting guy who has ever worked for me, and if you get your head on straight, someday I’m sure you’ll have your own store.”
Wow, that was the last thing I was expecting. “Um, thanks Boss.”
“No thanks necessary,” he replied. “Now it’s time to close down the store. Pull the gate down, and just hang out for a while. Watch a movie, I know you hate that trailer disc. I’ll see you here bright and early tomorrow morning, right?”
“You got it, Boss.”
As he disappeared in the back, even though I’d wanted to maim him earlier in the day, I realized I didn’t quite have him figured out as I thought. I hopped up on the counter and changed it to one of my favorite movies, and just as the beginning credits stopped rolling, the store phone rang.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, is this MovieXPress?”
“Yes.”
“Are you guys still open?”
“What time is it?”
“Um… Nine-fifteen?”
“And what time does the mall close?”
“Uh…. Nine?”
“So do you think we’re still open?”
“….No?”
“Very good.”
“But can you let me in, just for a second? I know exactly what I want.”
“And so do I. To get out of this shirt, have a beer, and quit taking stupid phone calls,” I replied as I hung up the phone. Sure, it would all begin again tomorrow, and I’m sure I’d have the same headache as I did today, but what can I say? That’s life in retail. The customer is always right.
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