Post by Lantlas on Dec 23, 2010 1:34:16 GMT -5
While Nimrod will review awful movies that he loves, I will be a counterbalance. I'm going to post reviews of movies that other people seem to like, or at least aren't considered turkeys, and explain why I love or hate them. Like Roy, I hope you will provide your requests. I will start with my most recent movie review, "Easy A", and will follow with one I've partially completed, "Home Alone."
Tom was with me for this one.
"EASY A"
I have a confession to make.
I willingly saw the movie heavily advertised throughout commercial television media against my better judgment known as "Easy A". The first time I saw the trailer, the same thought popped into my head that repeats itself every time I see a movie that I know I'll hate... "Don't see this... ever." But wanting to be a good friend and spend time with my distant associates of the greater Minneapolis area, I actually paid down a few dollars for this life-altering piece of cinematic back-alley clothes-hanger abortion entitled "Easy A".
My first impression of the movie was that it was going to glorify adultery, as Emma Stones' character is seen in slow motion sexy walk through the hallway, everyone turning their admiring heads, as she struts her Jonas Brothers fangirl-esque figure through a high school corridor. Had that been the actual plotline of this monstrosity of intelligence failure, I might not actually be so angry at this picture.
However, what we have instead is "Easy A", a combination of a badly-attempted tribute and plain-as-day blatant ripoff of the best work of the late great John Hughes. Through a storyline adapted from the Patrick Dempsey picture "Can't Buy Me Love", it is instead cluttered with topical references, one-dimensional and painfully predictable characters, technology giggle fits, stereotypical unlikable generic roleplayers, and lines of dialogue that are meant to be witty, but instead have me wishing that I could find a throwing knife capable of slicing the vocal chords of fictional characters (no harm actually wished to the portrayers of said characters.)
Had it just been a ripoff of "Can't Buy Me Love", maybe that would have been acceptable. But instead we have to take that concept, magnify it and dumb it down for the casual pre-teen MTV audience, and display it so prominently that the word subtlety applies as much as the words "Christian children portrayed well," and that's coming from an atheist! Seriously, there is a teen group of "Jesus Freaks", as they call them in this movie, and they are shown to be outcast preppy snobbish prissy kids who cry at things that don't involve them and that nobody, students and faculty alike, have any respect for. Not that a stereotypical personification in a satirical light bothers me that much, but that the entire group of a denomination is cast in such a light is done in a way that is not so much offensive to my religious philosophy, but my general sense of the difference between good taste and cheap garbage characterization and thoughtless judgments thrust upon them as a monkey throwing the product of this defecation, which might have been a better plotline than most of the actual ones in this movie.
In its attempt to be artsy and to give a nod to Mr. Hughes, we see a montage of his work from the 80s, in a way to describe how the main character wants her life to be like an 80s movie. Unfortunately, this movie doesn't understand the cold, hard fact that referencing good movies is not a substitute for actually making a good movie.
To give you a brief synopsis of the plot, the girl instead of being paid to pretend to go out with the nerdy kid, pretends to have wild sex at a party with a guy who is out as gay so that everyone will think him straight, which begs the question "if he has this much of a problem with himself, and wants to be thought of as normal and straight, why did he come out publicly in the first place?" Staying in the closet until caught red-handed works so well, you know, unless you're in politics. This kid wasn't a by-product of the Standards of Flamingly Gay Characters brought to you by the Birdcage or anything, so the thought is at least plausible that he could pass for straight. Maybe he should've done that instead of coming out gay, then pretending to have sex with a girl so as to prove himself not gay, because as we all know, having straight sex when you're gay is the cure for the "choice" that is homosexuality, right?
So because one of the "Jesus Freak Christians" overheard a conversation about Emma Stone' character, she's already thought of as a slut, because everyone knows that the rumor of someone having sex in high school is not only rare as the trace of the missing links in the evolutionary chart, but death to anyone's reputation, so as to solidify them in loneliness and condescending glares for all of eternity. High school is a rich full fucking oyster of purity.
So to continue her reputation, and rectify that of the gay-now-straight character, she embraces the glares and alienation by referencing the Scarlet Letter and wearing a red A on all of her clothes, because that's the moral we should teach. "When someone thinks badly of you, be proud of it and portray yourself as a whore in order to benefit the lives of people around you. Nothing bad can happen... Except, you know, someone tells the cops that you're (pretending to be) having sex for money and suddenly, what people think of you in high school isn't as important as the girl with the tattoos and the bull-cut on the other side of the cell does.
I'll skip over the details of the actual story and conclusion, though by the time we actually reached one, I had my head in my palms, and leave you with something that doesn't spoil the movie or the results of any of the plotlines, but is the part of the movie that actually had me yelling at the screen. Remember that John Hughes montage I mentioned, about how she wanted her life to be an 80s movie? Well, she makes it one. A triple reference with a boy out the window playing music (Say Anything), on a riding lawnmower (Can't Buy Me Love), while Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me" closes out the ending scenes (Breakfast Club). By this time, I am yelling "No, you did not!" at the movie, until the song switches into a ridiculous pop-punk cover of the movie that literally forced my viewing companions to cover my eyes and ears with their hands while laughing in amusement at the raw ire this movie drew from me.
I could talk about how all the scenes that attempted to be intelligent and witty instead came off awkward and frighteningly terrible, or how her constant ability to dig herself deeper and deeper ultimately culminates in a Ferris Bueller moment that almost gets her expelled from school but another reference to another terrible plotline saves the day, somehow granting her complete immunity for completely attempting to show herself as a whore to the entire student body. Or, even better, about how a lesson is learned but nobody can do anything, and suddenly yet another plotline comes back to save the day at the most awkward of moments that never really culminates in satisfying faction... or at all... Instead, I'll leave you with the moments that made me physically angry at cinema... Hearing a song that I love from a movie dear to me from growing up used in a concept with potential that ultimately falls flat in a steaming shitstorm of pure fail, and suddenly hearing that song ruined by some singer of a band I don't know who sounds like his balls won't drop for another few years... For those of you who know me, my reaction should be easily conjured, and therefore understood as to how this movie actually forced me to pace back and forth for ten minutes outside of the movie theater, wishing I could not only receive a refund, but double the refund in order to have at least been paid a server's hourly wage for time I could've easily spent listening to Glenn Beck have another Nazi paranoia acid trip. At least in that case, I would've found some spectacle of entertainment, albeit in complete mockery of the subject at hand. Instead, instead of entertainment, I find myself only entertained that a meaningless and soon-to-be forgotten cinematic dumpster of attempted intelligence actually drew enough of a reaction from myself to entertain at least two other people in that theater this evening. So, at least I can provide that as a positive experience.
Tom was with me for this one.
"EASY A"
I have a confession to make.
I willingly saw the movie heavily advertised throughout commercial television media against my better judgment known as "Easy A". The first time I saw the trailer, the same thought popped into my head that repeats itself every time I see a movie that I know I'll hate... "Don't see this... ever." But wanting to be a good friend and spend time with my distant associates of the greater Minneapolis area, I actually paid down a few dollars for this life-altering piece of cinematic back-alley clothes-hanger abortion entitled "Easy A".
My first impression of the movie was that it was going to glorify adultery, as Emma Stones' character is seen in slow motion sexy walk through the hallway, everyone turning their admiring heads, as she struts her Jonas Brothers fangirl-esque figure through a high school corridor. Had that been the actual plotline of this monstrosity of intelligence failure, I might not actually be so angry at this picture.
However, what we have instead is "Easy A", a combination of a badly-attempted tribute and plain-as-day blatant ripoff of the best work of the late great John Hughes. Through a storyline adapted from the Patrick Dempsey picture "Can't Buy Me Love", it is instead cluttered with topical references, one-dimensional and painfully predictable characters, technology giggle fits, stereotypical unlikable generic roleplayers, and lines of dialogue that are meant to be witty, but instead have me wishing that I could find a throwing knife capable of slicing the vocal chords of fictional characters (no harm actually wished to the portrayers of said characters.)
Had it just been a ripoff of "Can't Buy Me Love", maybe that would have been acceptable. But instead we have to take that concept, magnify it and dumb it down for the casual pre-teen MTV audience, and display it so prominently that the word subtlety applies as much as the words "Christian children portrayed well," and that's coming from an atheist! Seriously, there is a teen group of "Jesus Freaks", as they call them in this movie, and they are shown to be outcast preppy snobbish prissy kids who cry at things that don't involve them and that nobody, students and faculty alike, have any respect for. Not that a stereotypical personification in a satirical light bothers me that much, but that the entire group of a denomination is cast in such a light is done in a way that is not so much offensive to my religious philosophy, but my general sense of the difference between good taste and cheap garbage characterization and thoughtless judgments thrust upon them as a monkey throwing the product of this defecation, which might have been a better plotline than most of the actual ones in this movie.
In its attempt to be artsy and to give a nod to Mr. Hughes, we see a montage of his work from the 80s, in a way to describe how the main character wants her life to be like an 80s movie. Unfortunately, this movie doesn't understand the cold, hard fact that referencing good movies is not a substitute for actually making a good movie.
To give you a brief synopsis of the plot, the girl instead of being paid to pretend to go out with the nerdy kid, pretends to have wild sex at a party with a guy who is out as gay so that everyone will think him straight, which begs the question "if he has this much of a problem with himself, and wants to be thought of as normal and straight, why did he come out publicly in the first place?" Staying in the closet until caught red-handed works so well, you know, unless you're in politics. This kid wasn't a by-product of the Standards of Flamingly Gay Characters brought to you by the Birdcage or anything, so the thought is at least plausible that he could pass for straight. Maybe he should've done that instead of coming out gay, then pretending to have sex with a girl so as to prove himself not gay, because as we all know, having straight sex when you're gay is the cure for the "choice" that is homosexuality, right?
So because one of the "Jesus Freak Christians" overheard a conversation about Emma Stone' character, she's already thought of as a slut, because everyone knows that the rumor of someone having sex in high school is not only rare as the trace of the missing links in the evolutionary chart, but death to anyone's reputation, so as to solidify them in loneliness and condescending glares for all of eternity. High school is a rich full fucking oyster of purity.
So to continue her reputation, and rectify that of the gay-now-straight character, she embraces the glares and alienation by referencing the Scarlet Letter and wearing a red A on all of her clothes, because that's the moral we should teach. "When someone thinks badly of you, be proud of it and portray yourself as a whore in order to benefit the lives of people around you. Nothing bad can happen... Except, you know, someone tells the cops that you're (pretending to be) having sex for money and suddenly, what people think of you in high school isn't as important as the girl with the tattoos and the bull-cut on the other side of the cell does.
I'll skip over the details of the actual story and conclusion, though by the time we actually reached one, I had my head in my palms, and leave you with something that doesn't spoil the movie or the results of any of the plotlines, but is the part of the movie that actually had me yelling at the screen. Remember that John Hughes montage I mentioned, about how she wanted her life to be an 80s movie? Well, she makes it one. A triple reference with a boy out the window playing music (Say Anything), on a riding lawnmower (Can't Buy Me Love), while Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me" closes out the ending scenes (Breakfast Club). By this time, I am yelling "No, you did not!" at the movie, until the song switches into a ridiculous pop-punk cover of the movie that literally forced my viewing companions to cover my eyes and ears with their hands while laughing in amusement at the raw ire this movie drew from me.
I could talk about how all the scenes that attempted to be intelligent and witty instead came off awkward and frighteningly terrible, or how her constant ability to dig herself deeper and deeper ultimately culminates in a Ferris Bueller moment that almost gets her expelled from school but another reference to another terrible plotline saves the day, somehow granting her complete immunity for completely attempting to show herself as a whore to the entire student body. Or, even better, about how a lesson is learned but nobody can do anything, and suddenly yet another plotline comes back to save the day at the most awkward of moments that never really culminates in satisfying faction... or at all... Instead, I'll leave you with the moments that made me physically angry at cinema... Hearing a song that I love from a movie dear to me from growing up used in a concept with potential that ultimately falls flat in a steaming shitstorm of pure fail, and suddenly hearing that song ruined by some singer of a band I don't know who sounds like his balls won't drop for another few years... For those of you who know me, my reaction should be easily conjured, and therefore understood as to how this movie actually forced me to pace back and forth for ten minutes outside of the movie theater, wishing I could not only receive a refund, but double the refund in order to have at least been paid a server's hourly wage for time I could've easily spent listening to Glenn Beck have another Nazi paranoia acid trip. At least in that case, I would've found some spectacle of entertainment, albeit in complete mockery of the subject at hand. Instead, instead of entertainment, I find myself only entertained that a meaningless and soon-to-be forgotten cinematic dumpster of attempted intelligence actually drew enough of a reaction from myself to entertain at least two other people in that theater this evening. So, at least I can provide that as a positive experience.
