Post by Lantlas on Jan 8, 2011 2:44:48 GMT -5
This may surprise some of the people who know me, considering that I've been a huge Superman fan since I was a little kid. It may even be considered blasphemy to attack arguably the best of the series, but to me, this film was what led to the absolute misery that was Superman III with its direction, and we won't even talk about Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. This is a decent film that could've been great, and even has some of the most iconic moments of any Superman depiction. Before you start typing the hate emails, let's get into my major problems with it and get this review on a roll.
Superman II was being made at the same time as Superman: The Movie, but director Richard Donner was taken off the project because of the length of time and the budget it took to complete the first one, and was replaced with Richard Lester. Lester's influence can be seen throughout several areas of the film, noticeable by comparison when you see Superman III. While Donner's version took the story very seriously, Lester relied heavily on comedy and slapstick, and it just doesn't work.
We start with a version of the incarceration scene of General Zod, without Marlon Brando involved, therefore making it less awesome. The score sounds like a remixed version of the John Williams "Krypton" music, which also by default immediately makes the scene less awesome. They become trapped in the Phantom Zone, although Terence Stamp apparently did a voice-over with different dialogue for some reason, and we transition into the credits, mixed with a recap of the first movie mixed in with that awesome John Williams music (I'm starting to notice John Williams has something to do with almost all my reviews so far), as we see Superman save the day from two nuclear missiles that Lex Luthor intended to use to send California into the ocean so he would own the entire coastline. To its credit, the original Superman: The Movie holds up well, even considering it was made in 1978. I will also say this; the Superman series has one of the most epic, energetic opening credits ever. It's simple; flying through space and stars while the credits fly at you, but the main theme of Superman is like the main theme from Star Wars; John Williams just manages to capture the true meaning of the movie in four minutes without saying a word.
Our film begins with awkward hi-jinx between Clark Kent, played by Christopher Reeve, and Lois Lane, played by Margot Kidder. Lois's obsession in the first act of this movie seems to be freshly squeezed orange juice, which comes into play later. She's headed off to Paris because some terrorists have taken control of the Eiffel Tower. It's nice that they took control long enough for her to get on a plane, cross the Atlantic Ocean, get to Paris, get on the scene, and crawl up through the tower itself, isn't it? I thought so.
It appears the terrorists are letting the hostages go, because they have a hydrogen bomb prepared to detonate in one of the elevators. The terrorists deter attention away from this by saying "you're being released, so shut up." Yes, we've only been holding you hostage for at least twenty hours, why would I think it's a bit strange you're suddenly letting me go? I mean, it's not like there's a flying man who could come save me or anything. I wish Lois Lane was here, he always seems to show up when she's in trouble... You think there's something going on there?
Lois Lane, through snooping around, manages to be on the bottom of the elevator when a belt snaps and she's headed for certain doom. Of course the man in blue just happens to be headed toward Paris and makes the save. Lois informs him that there's a bomb, which he already knows for some reason, and he pushes it into the sky. Gee, I really hope this bomb doesn't blow up anywhere near the Phantom Zone, that just so happens to be conveniently right by Earth. That seems to be a bit of a flaw, doesn't it? I mean, wouldn't Jor-El have sent the mystical mirror of doom in the other direction or something?
Anyway, the three condemned criminals head toward Earth while Lois and Clark head to Niagra Falls to pretend to be a married couple. The most brilliant kid of the century is climbing on a railing before Clark pulls him back over. His mother feigns something that mildly resembles attention, and Clark gets jealous over Lois talking about Superman. Back to orange juice though, as Clark runs off to get some for her. Meanwhile, the idiot kid is hanging off the other side of the railing while Mother of the Year is too busy focusing on her snack. So, the kid has already demonstrated he's an idiot with a death wish once, and you're still not paying any attention? How about we throw you over the edge too?
The kid slips on the railing, and natural selection attempts to take its course. But conveniently, Superman just happened to be in Niagra Falls, and prevents the IQ of the nation rising a point or two. Sometimes Superman saves are great, but sometimes, as George Carlin once put it, it's like "airbags and batting helmets." If you're hanging off the edge of a railing with Niagra Falls, even if you're a kid, you're a moron. And if you're a mother letting this happen when you've already had one warning, you're a moron too. The fact that Superman just gave the kid up to you when he was the one who pulled the kid over the first time? I think Superman needs a hookup with child services, that's all I'm saying.
The investigative side of Lois finally puts the pieces together, and has herself convinced that Clark is Superman. To prove her confidence, she falls off a railing (I'm beginning to see a theme here), into a rushing river. Clark, not wanting to give up his identity, awkwardly runs along the river, while other people just walk on by not noticing a screaming woman. As Clark pulls her to safety, Lois feels like an idiot. However, a few minutes later in their room, Clark trips and his hand falls in the fireplace. Lois pulls his hand out and notices there's not a mark on it, thus he takes off his glasses and she's figured it out.
Meanwhile, the Kryptonians are coming. Zod and his two flunkies are interested in destroying astronauts, while hearing that the man in the spaceship is calling for Houston on the radio. Zod assumes that the planet in the distance is Houston, and the three head toward the blue yonder. Meanwhile, the NASA crew back on Earth is confused. One of them recalls the astronaut saying he saw a girl, but the other confused it for a curl.... The first NASA guy appropriately responds; "what's a curl?" I don't know, I didn't write it.
Throughout these two developments, another story going on is that Lex Luthor, played by Gene Hackman and his idiot sidekick, played by Ned Beatty, are escaping from prison where Superman left them at the end of the first movie. They come up with a plan that involves the cover of a projected hologram disguised as the two playing cards... What?! I know one thing about projections, they have to have something to display them. But no, there they are, just playing cards like the actors are there, but the prison guard steps in front of the projector, finding them on his shirt. So it only shows up like a slideshow when he's in front of it, but somehow while in prison, Luthor managed to develop the technology to make a projector camera that doesn't need a screen. He's a genius, I suppose.
With the help of Miss Tessmacher, Lex escapes from prison while Ned Beatty is left behind because he was pulling down the weight of the hot-air balloon. They head north to find Superman's hideout, not acknowledging at all that Miss Tessmacher is the reason Superman escaped Lex's evil Kryptonite necklace of death, but whatever. Lex examines the Fortress of Solitude by using the crystals, and learns about the supposedly-imprisoned General Zod, and this gets the evil genius's head a-tickin'.
Superman takes Lois to the Fortress of Solitude, hardly questioning that certain things have been used, decides he's in love with her enough to give up his powers to be a mortal man, and eventually does so. While Superman is distracted by some Lois poon, Zod and Friends arrive on Earth. Zod lands in water, then rises up enough to walk across it. Truly he is the son of Zod. We see Ursula get bit by a snake, which hurts her despite the fact that it shouldn't, and she fire-eyes it to death. Ursula is amazed by her power, which Zod affirms by saying that they all have them, which how they know this in a matter of two seconds I'm not sure, but let's go with it.
Zod takes over his first town, while all human weapons are useless against him. Just get a snake, that at least gets a reaction. While the villains are made to look invincible here, there are a lot of really stupid moments. Non catching a rocket and reacting with his only sound, which reminds me of someone getting punched in the stomach... Zod repelling a flamethrower with his breath, which throws it back on a bar... Using heat vision to heat up the metal of a shotgun... Blowing a helicopter through a barn, which brings new meaning to the term "blow-queen"...
This is one of the biggest problems I have with the Lester version of this movie. In a scene where we're seeing how despicably evil these three criminal Kryptonians are, we're injecting slapstick comedy. This happens later in the movie's climax too, and it just makes it a bit ridiculous. You could argue that the whole idea of a man flying around in blue spandex saving people is ridiculous in and of itself, but I still love Superman. Deal with it. So he's not dark and brooding like every superhero since 1989... Without the original superhero, they wouldn't exist, so bite it. I take this seriously, and comedy may have its place, but not while trying to show how evil General Zod is.
Superman becomes a mortal man, and he and Lois have awesome human sex while not being the slightest bit cold afterward. Presumably, this is where the kid in Superman Returns comes from, but I don't even want to think about that movie.
Great time to be getting laid too, because General Zod is taking over the world. In one scene where the comedy actually works, they change the faces of Mount Rushmore to fit theirs. After a long battle at the White House, General Zod makes the President surrender control of the country, but warning that there is one man who will never do so. "I wish I knew where he was." Don't worry, Mr. President, he's off in the north somewhere getting laid, completely unaware of this. A true American hero indeed.
Lois and Clark stop at a diner on their way home, where Clark gets his ass beat by a trucker. This is another problem I have. I get that we have to establish that Clark is human and can be hurt now, but he's not acting like the bumbling awkward Clark Kent he was pretending to be for cover. This is a guy who is 6'4, 225 in the late 1970s, when steroids were only beginning to become popular. You're telling me that a guy that size is not only going to get his ass brutally kicked by some jimbob trucker, but that he's barely gonna put up a fight?
The whole reason Clark gets bloodied up at this diner though, is so that he can see the President giving up control of the world to General Zod. The President maintains his composure, but eventually starts screaming for Superman. Zod quickly interrupts and challenges him to appear, of course so he can KNEEL! Clark realizes he was a dumbass and he has to go back.
Lex Luthor waves a white flag while coming into the White House, and arranges a deal with the apathetic villains. In exchange for Australia, he will bring them the Son of Jor-El, which Luthor knows about because of his winter expedition.
Clark heads back to the Fortress of Solitude, being ignored by a passing truck, and arrives at a dead Krypton recreation. Nobody answers his calls for help, even though he acknowledges that he failed. However, a mysterious green glow gets his attention, although I'm not sure where it came from considering this thing grew the Fortress of Solitude in the first place, but that's established in the good version of this movie.
The villains invade Metropolis, arriving in the Daily Planet. Before Lex meets them there, he makes a really funny remark about when they'll learn to use a doorknob. Hackman wasn't Spacey evil in these movies, but he was a witty and cunning source of entertainment. Zod is angered that Luthor promised him the Son of Jor-El, but only took him to Lois Lane. They're about to kill him for it when the man in blue arrives outside the window, asking Zod to step outside. This of course leads to the most epic line of dialogue in the movie: "Come to me, Son of Jor-El! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!"
A really long and awesome battle takes place between Superman and the three evil Kryptonians. It involves a lot of chasing, but turns into a battle above the city. Everyone comes out to watch as Superman finally shows up to fight off these invaders only after they've already taken over the world. As awesome as this battle scene is, the slapstick gimmicks make it a little stupid, and so do some of the people. A giant tower is falling to the ground, and a woman with a baby carriage doesn't get out of the way, but instead screams about it and covers the baby with her body. Once again Superman saves an idiot, and uses the tower to cage Non. This gives Zod the indication that Superman cares about the humans and will protect them.
Zod gets batted into a giant Coca-Cola sign at one point, while an onlooker remarks "wow, home run." The battle moves down to the ground, and then underground as the sewer lids blow off, likely killing a Ninja Turtle, and they end up fighting back to the street. Ursula uses one as a frisbee that plants Superman on his blue ass. Eventually they throw a bus at him that he can't stop, and it crushes him into a truck. Since this wasn't a Kryptonite bus, I'm not sure how it knocked him down for so long, but no one sees Superman reappear, so they assume he's dead.
Now, with the supposed death of Superman and a city full of humans about to try to fight three super-powered villains, I bet I know what you're thinking... This scene needs... You guessed it... COMEDY! As the entire mob approaches the Kryptonians, they use their super breath to send a windstorm pushing everybody back, which is fine. But we see things like a guy talking in a phone booth, even after the booth is taken away, a roller-skater out of control, hats and toupees flying off... It's Earth vs. Krypton, and we're using really lame visual humor, or in other words, everything that failed about Superman III not named Richard Pryor.
Superman comes to, finally, and abandons the entire city... Dick move. I know it's to draw the villains away from the humans, but still, they don't know that. Zod declares victory and is about to kill Lois and Lex until Luthor reveals the other card up his sleeve... Superman's address.
Zod, Ursula, and Non carry Luthor and Lois to the Fortress of Solitude, and a good but very confusing scene takes place. This involves one of the most parodied scenes in Superman history, where Non flies at him, and Superman pulls a giant cellophane S from his chest and uses it to trap him for a few seconds. Despite tearing them apart in my last review, Family Guy has the best parody of this, where the villain remarks about it being a minor inconvenience.
Then Superman makes himself and everyone else disappear. Several Supermans appear, but they appear to be false images, as they try to attack him but fail. Even one of them talks to Lois, but she hugs right through him. This must be those magic projections that Lex was using in the prison. Finally, the real Superman emerges and traps Zod in a sleeper. Where's Ursula with the steel chair to break the count? No, instead they threaten to tear Lois apart, to which he of course caves.
It appears that Superman has given up, while Zod lists his terms that Superman will be his eternal slave. Superman whispers to Luthor about the chamber that took away Superman's powers... Why you would whisper this to the man who's been trying to kill you, I'm not sure, but I guess he didn't want Margot Kidder screaming it. Luthor of course immediately tells the Kryptonians that, to quote my last review, "IT'S A TRAP!" and they force Superman in the chamber.
Zod, believing that Superman is now powerless, finally makes him kneel. However, Superman clenches his hand, and Zod cries out in pain. He throws him into the... abyss of snow, I guess. Non tries to fly, fails, and falls as well. Lois finally gets her chance to confront her tormentor, and informs her that she's a "real pain-in-the-neck" before punching her in the face, and the disappearing snow. Hey now, that kind of language is unacceptable after a movie full of death threats and torments! Lex figures out that Superman reversed the effect, while Superman was safe in the chamber, although it's not explained how exactly that worked. Due to Luthor's double-crossing, he leaves Luthor at the Fortress and flies away with Lois.
Lois assures Superman that she'll never tell anyone who he really is. They wake up the next morning, and Clark kisses Lois... which leaves her comatose, but awakes as Clark re-enters. Her memory of everything that's taken place has completely been wiped, because I guess a hidden power of Superman is his Explosive Amnesia kiss. Lois asks what's going on in the world while everyone looks at her like she's an idiot, and the Daily Planet is being rebuilt and cleaned up.
However, Superman still has some unfinished business. He returns to the diner to confront the trucker, and rightfully earns his retribution by sliding him down the bar and into the pinball machine. Everyone looks at him like he's, you know, Superman or something, which he explains that he's been "working out." Then Superman returns the flag to the White House, as Superman apologizes to the President for taking so long.
The end of the movie is the same as all of them; Superman flying above the Earth and smiling before we cut to the credits. The credits, by the way, inform us that Superman III will be coming soon... Hooray! At least it spawns the plot for the movie Office Space.
So that's Superman II, and I have to be honest, I didn't realize a lot of the things I disliked about this movie until I saw the Richard Donner cut and saw how serious he portrayed it. While the Donner cut is imperfect due to it being released twenty-five years after the fact, it showed how much better of a movie this could've been. All the hokey crap is left out, and a lot more scenes are filmed to explain a lot of the things in this movie that go without any explanation whatsoever.
Don't get me wrong, this is a very good movie. Christopher Reeve was dead-on as the Man of Steel as always, and we're treated to not one, but two awesome villains in Terence Stamp and Gene Hackman. There are great lines of dialogue between the both of them. The other two villains, not so much, but they do stack the odds against Superman in the final battle, so they serve their purpose.
Like I've said throughout the review, the two main problems in this movie are the unexplained jumps in the story, which like I said Donner covers, and the lame comedy throughout that just ruins the feel of the movie. It was a good movie, it could've been a great movie, and it's a damn shame the Salkinds got so impatient with Richard Donner, as Superman: The Movie and Superman II could've been equally regarded as masterpieces. Instead, we get an entertaining but at times cheesy sequel to the original and still one of the greatest superhero movies of all time.
Hopefully I've avoided the Superman-fiend hatemail, as I assure you once again that I'm a Superman superfan. It was hard taking a look back at a movie I loved and making fun of it, but that's the point of this whole blog. If you have any movies that you'd like me to review, please don't be afraid to ask. While I suggested to my partner-in-crime of Film-a-Day Shane that he review the Back to the Future trilogy, I also plan on taking a look at the original film and seeing how it holds up after twenty-five years. Also in my queue is a movie that so many people just adore, but it made me demand my money back even though it was free, Napoleon Dynamite. (Sorry Jackie!) Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.
jaded-hope.blogspot.com/2011/01/superman-ii.html
Superman II was being made at the same time as Superman: The Movie, but director Richard Donner was taken off the project because of the length of time and the budget it took to complete the first one, and was replaced with Richard Lester. Lester's influence can be seen throughout several areas of the film, noticeable by comparison when you see Superman III. While Donner's version took the story very seriously, Lester relied heavily on comedy and slapstick, and it just doesn't work.
We start with a version of the incarceration scene of General Zod, without Marlon Brando involved, therefore making it less awesome. The score sounds like a remixed version of the John Williams "Krypton" music, which also by default immediately makes the scene less awesome. They become trapped in the Phantom Zone, although Terence Stamp apparently did a voice-over with different dialogue for some reason, and we transition into the credits, mixed with a recap of the first movie mixed in with that awesome John Williams music (I'm starting to notice John Williams has something to do with almost all my reviews so far), as we see Superman save the day from two nuclear missiles that Lex Luthor intended to use to send California into the ocean so he would own the entire coastline. To its credit, the original Superman: The Movie holds up well, even considering it was made in 1978. I will also say this; the Superman series has one of the most epic, energetic opening credits ever. It's simple; flying through space and stars while the credits fly at you, but the main theme of Superman is like the main theme from Star Wars; John Williams just manages to capture the true meaning of the movie in four minutes without saying a word.
Our film begins with awkward hi-jinx between Clark Kent, played by Christopher Reeve, and Lois Lane, played by Margot Kidder. Lois's obsession in the first act of this movie seems to be freshly squeezed orange juice, which comes into play later. She's headed off to Paris because some terrorists have taken control of the Eiffel Tower. It's nice that they took control long enough for her to get on a plane, cross the Atlantic Ocean, get to Paris, get on the scene, and crawl up through the tower itself, isn't it? I thought so.
It appears the terrorists are letting the hostages go, because they have a hydrogen bomb prepared to detonate in one of the elevators. The terrorists deter attention away from this by saying "you're being released, so shut up." Yes, we've only been holding you hostage for at least twenty hours, why would I think it's a bit strange you're suddenly letting me go? I mean, it's not like there's a flying man who could come save me or anything. I wish Lois Lane was here, he always seems to show up when she's in trouble... You think there's something going on there?
Lois Lane, through snooping around, manages to be on the bottom of the elevator when a belt snaps and she's headed for certain doom. Of course the man in blue just happens to be headed toward Paris and makes the save. Lois informs him that there's a bomb, which he already knows for some reason, and he pushes it into the sky. Gee, I really hope this bomb doesn't blow up anywhere near the Phantom Zone, that just so happens to be conveniently right by Earth. That seems to be a bit of a flaw, doesn't it? I mean, wouldn't Jor-El have sent the mystical mirror of doom in the other direction or something?
Anyway, the three condemned criminals head toward Earth while Lois and Clark head to Niagra Falls to pretend to be a married couple. The most brilliant kid of the century is climbing on a railing before Clark pulls him back over. His mother feigns something that mildly resembles attention, and Clark gets jealous over Lois talking about Superman. Back to orange juice though, as Clark runs off to get some for her. Meanwhile, the idiot kid is hanging off the other side of the railing while Mother of the Year is too busy focusing on her snack. So, the kid has already demonstrated he's an idiot with a death wish once, and you're still not paying any attention? How about we throw you over the edge too?
The kid slips on the railing, and natural selection attempts to take its course. But conveniently, Superman just happened to be in Niagra Falls, and prevents the IQ of the nation rising a point or two. Sometimes Superman saves are great, but sometimes, as George Carlin once put it, it's like "airbags and batting helmets." If you're hanging off the edge of a railing with Niagra Falls, even if you're a kid, you're a moron. And if you're a mother letting this happen when you've already had one warning, you're a moron too. The fact that Superman just gave the kid up to you when he was the one who pulled the kid over the first time? I think Superman needs a hookup with child services, that's all I'm saying.
The investigative side of Lois finally puts the pieces together, and has herself convinced that Clark is Superman. To prove her confidence, she falls off a railing (I'm beginning to see a theme here), into a rushing river. Clark, not wanting to give up his identity, awkwardly runs along the river, while other people just walk on by not noticing a screaming woman. As Clark pulls her to safety, Lois feels like an idiot. However, a few minutes later in their room, Clark trips and his hand falls in the fireplace. Lois pulls his hand out and notices there's not a mark on it, thus he takes off his glasses and she's figured it out.
Meanwhile, the Kryptonians are coming. Zod and his two flunkies are interested in destroying astronauts, while hearing that the man in the spaceship is calling for Houston on the radio. Zod assumes that the planet in the distance is Houston, and the three head toward the blue yonder. Meanwhile, the NASA crew back on Earth is confused. One of them recalls the astronaut saying he saw a girl, but the other confused it for a curl.... The first NASA guy appropriately responds; "what's a curl?" I don't know, I didn't write it.
Throughout these two developments, another story going on is that Lex Luthor, played by Gene Hackman and his idiot sidekick, played by Ned Beatty, are escaping from prison where Superman left them at the end of the first movie. They come up with a plan that involves the cover of a projected hologram disguised as the two playing cards... What?! I know one thing about projections, they have to have something to display them. But no, there they are, just playing cards like the actors are there, but the prison guard steps in front of the projector, finding them on his shirt. So it only shows up like a slideshow when he's in front of it, but somehow while in prison, Luthor managed to develop the technology to make a projector camera that doesn't need a screen. He's a genius, I suppose.
With the help of Miss Tessmacher, Lex escapes from prison while Ned Beatty is left behind because he was pulling down the weight of the hot-air balloon. They head north to find Superman's hideout, not acknowledging at all that Miss Tessmacher is the reason Superman escaped Lex's evil Kryptonite necklace of death, but whatever. Lex examines the Fortress of Solitude by using the crystals, and learns about the supposedly-imprisoned General Zod, and this gets the evil genius's head a-tickin'.
Superman takes Lois to the Fortress of Solitude, hardly questioning that certain things have been used, decides he's in love with her enough to give up his powers to be a mortal man, and eventually does so. While Superman is distracted by some Lois poon, Zod and Friends arrive on Earth. Zod lands in water, then rises up enough to walk across it. Truly he is the son of Zod. We see Ursula get bit by a snake, which hurts her despite the fact that it shouldn't, and she fire-eyes it to death. Ursula is amazed by her power, which Zod affirms by saying that they all have them, which how they know this in a matter of two seconds I'm not sure, but let's go with it.
Zod takes over his first town, while all human weapons are useless against him. Just get a snake, that at least gets a reaction. While the villains are made to look invincible here, there are a lot of really stupid moments. Non catching a rocket and reacting with his only sound, which reminds me of someone getting punched in the stomach... Zod repelling a flamethrower with his breath, which throws it back on a bar... Using heat vision to heat up the metal of a shotgun... Blowing a helicopter through a barn, which brings new meaning to the term "blow-queen"...
This is one of the biggest problems I have with the Lester version of this movie. In a scene where we're seeing how despicably evil these three criminal Kryptonians are, we're injecting slapstick comedy. This happens later in the movie's climax too, and it just makes it a bit ridiculous. You could argue that the whole idea of a man flying around in blue spandex saving people is ridiculous in and of itself, but I still love Superman. Deal with it. So he's not dark and brooding like every superhero since 1989... Without the original superhero, they wouldn't exist, so bite it. I take this seriously, and comedy may have its place, but not while trying to show how evil General Zod is.
Superman becomes a mortal man, and he and Lois have awesome human sex while not being the slightest bit cold afterward. Presumably, this is where the kid in Superman Returns comes from, but I don't even want to think about that movie.
Great time to be getting laid too, because General Zod is taking over the world. In one scene where the comedy actually works, they change the faces of Mount Rushmore to fit theirs. After a long battle at the White House, General Zod makes the President surrender control of the country, but warning that there is one man who will never do so. "I wish I knew where he was." Don't worry, Mr. President, he's off in the north somewhere getting laid, completely unaware of this. A true American hero indeed.
Lois and Clark stop at a diner on their way home, where Clark gets his ass beat by a trucker. This is another problem I have. I get that we have to establish that Clark is human and can be hurt now, but he's not acting like the bumbling awkward Clark Kent he was pretending to be for cover. This is a guy who is 6'4, 225 in the late 1970s, when steroids were only beginning to become popular. You're telling me that a guy that size is not only going to get his ass brutally kicked by some jimbob trucker, but that he's barely gonna put up a fight?
The whole reason Clark gets bloodied up at this diner though, is so that he can see the President giving up control of the world to General Zod. The President maintains his composure, but eventually starts screaming for Superman. Zod quickly interrupts and challenges him to appear, of course so he can KNEEL! Clark realizes he was a dumbass and he has to go back.
Lex Luthor waves a white flag while coming into the White House, and arranges a deal with the apathetic villains. In exchange for Australia, he will bring them the Son of Jor-El, which Luthor knows about because of his winter expedition.
Clark heads back to the Fortress of Solitude, being ignored by a passing truck, and arrives at a dead Krypton recreation. Nobody answers his calls for help, even though he acknowledges that he failed. However, a mysterious green glow gets his attention, although I'm not sure where it came from considering this thing grew the Fortress of Solitude in the first place, but that's established in the good version of this movie.
The villains invade Metropolis, arriving in the Daily Planet. Before Lex meets them there, he makes a really funny remark about when they'll learn to use a doorknob. Hackman wasn't Spacey evil in these movies, but he was a witty and cunning source of entertainment. Zod is angered that Luthor promised him the Son of Jor-El, but only took him to Lois Lane. They're about to kill him for it when the man in blue arrives outside the window, asking Zod to step outside. This of course leads to the most epic line of dialogue in the movie: "Come to me, Son of Jor-El! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!"
A really long and awesome battle takes place between Superman and the three evil Kryptonians. It involves a lot of chasing, but turns into a battle above the city. Everyone comes out to watch as Superman finally shows up to fight off these invaders only after they've already taken over the world. As awesome as this battle scene is, the slapstick gimmicks make it a little stupid, and so do some of the people. A giant tower is falling to the ground, and a woman with a baby carriage doesn't get out of the way, but instead screams about it and covers the baby with her body. Once again Superman saves an idiot, and uses the tower to cage Non. This gives Zod the indication that Superman cares about the humans and will protect them.
Zod gets batted into a giant Coca-Cola sign at one point, while an onlooker remarks "wow, home run." The battle moves down to the ground, and then underground as the sewer lids blow off, likely killing a Ninja Turtle, and they end up fighting back to the street. Ursula uses one as a frisbee that plants Superman on his blue ass. Eventually they throw a bus at him that he can't stop, and it crushes him into a truck. Since this wasn't a Kryptonite bus, I'm not sure how it knocked him down for so long, but no one sees Superman reappear, so they assume he's dead.
Now, with the supposed death of Superman and a city full of humans about to try to fight three super-powered villains, I bet I know what you're thinking... This scene needs... You guessed it... COMEDY! As the entire mob approaches the Kryptonians, they use their super breath to send a windstorm pushing everybody back, which is fine. But we see things like a guy talking in a phone booth, even after the booth is taken away, a roller-skater out of control, hats and toupees flying off... It's Earth vs. Krypton, and we're using really lame visual humor, or in other words, everything that failed about Superman III not named Richard Pryor.
Superman comes to, finally, and abandons the entire city... Dick move. I know it's to draw the villains away from the humans, but still, they don't know that. Zod declares victory and is about to kill Lois and Lex until Luthor reveals the other card up his sleeve... Superman's address.
Zod, Ursula, and Non carry Luthor and Lois to the Fortress of Solitude, and a good but very confusing scene takes place. This involves one of the most parodied scenes in Superman history, where Non flies at him, and Superman pulls a giant cellophane S from his chest and uses it to trap him for a few seconds. Despite tearing them apart in my last review, Family Guy has the best parody of this, where the villain remarks about it being a minor inconvenience.
Then Superman makes himself and everyone else disappear. Several Supermans appear, but they appear to be false images, as they try to attack him but fail. Even one of them talks to Lois, but she hugs right through him. This must be those magic projections that Lex was using in the prison. Finally, the real Superman emerges and traps Zod in a sleeper. Where's Ursula with the steel chair to break the count? No, instead they threaten to tear Lois apart, to which he of course caves.
It appears that Superman has given up, while Zod lists his terms that Superman will be his eternal slave. Superman whispers to Luthor about the chamber that took away Superman's powers... Why you would whisper this to the man who's been trying to kill you, I'm not sure, but I guess he didn't want Margot Kidder screaming it. Luthor of course immediately tells the Kryptonians that, to quote my last review, "IT'S A TRAP!" and they force Superman in the chamber.
Zod, believing that Superman is now powerless, finally makes him kneel. However, Superman clenches his hand, and Zod cries out in pain. He throws him into the... abyss of snow, I guess. Non tries to fly, fails, and falls as well. Lois finally gets her chance to confront her tormentor, and informs her that she's a "real pain-in-the-neck" before punching her in the face, and the disappearing snow. Hey now, that kind of language is unacceptable after a movie full of death threats and torments! Lex figures out that Superman reversed the effect, while Superman was safe in the chamber, although it's not explained how exactly that worked. Due to Luthor's double-crossing, he leaves Luthor at the Fortress and flies away with Lois.
Lois assures Superman that she'll never tell anyone who he really is. They wake up the next morning, and Clark kisses Lois... which leaves her comatose, but awakes as Clark re-enters. Her memory of everything that's taken place has completely been wiped, because I guess a hidden power of Superman is his Explosive Amnesia kiss. Lois asks what's going on in the world while everyone looks at her like she's an idiot, and the Daily Planet is being rebuilt and cleaned up.
However, Superman still has some unfinished business. He returns to the diner to confront the trucker, and rightfully earns his retribution by sliding him down the bar and into the pinball machine. Everyone looks at him like he's, you know, Superman or something, which he explains that he's been "working out." Then Superman returns the flag to the White House, as Superman apologizes to the President for taking so long.
The end of the movie is the same as all of them; Superman flying above the Earth and smiling before we cut to the credits. The credits, by the way, inform us that Superman III will be coming soon... Hooray! At least it spawns the plot for the movie Office Space.
So that's Superman II, and I have to be honest, I didn't realize a lot of the things I disliked about this movie until I saw the Richard Donner cut and saw how serious he portrayed it. While the Donner cut is imperfect due to it being released twenty-five years after the fact, it showed how much better of a movie this could've been. All the hokey crap is left out, and a lot more scenes are filmed to explain a lot of the things in this movie that go without any explanation whatsoever.
Don't get me wrong, this is a very good movie. Christopher Reeve was dead-on as the Man of Steel as always, and we're treated to not one, but two awesome villains in Terence Stamp and Gene Hackman. There are great lines of dialogue between the both of them. The other two villains, not so much, but they do stack the odds against Superman in the final battle, so they serve their purpose.
Like I've said throughout the review, the two main problems in this movie are the unexplained jumps in the story, which like I said Donner covers, and the lame comedy throughout that just ruins the feel of the movie. It was a good movie, it could've been a great movie, and it's a damn shame the Salkinds got so impatient with Richard Donner, as Superman: The Movie and Superman II could've been equally regarded as masterpieces. Instead, we get an entertaining but at times cheesy sequel to the original and still one of the greatest superhero movies of all time.
Hopefully I've avoided the Superman-fiend hatemail, as I assure you once again that I'm a Superman superfan. It was hard taking a look back at a movie I loved and making fun of it, but that's the point of this whole blog. If you have any movies that you'd like me to review, please don't be afraid to ask. While I suggested to my partner-in-crime of Film-a-Day Shane that he review the Back to the Future trilogy, I also plan on taking a look at the original film and seeing how it holds up after twenty-five years. Also in my queue is a movie that so many people just adore, but it made me demand my money back even though it was free, Napoleon Dynamite. (Sorry Jackie!) Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.
jaded-hope.blogspot.com/2011/01/superman-ii.html
