Post by hybrid on Feb 1, 2011 17:35:14 GMT -5
Arlen, Texas. Home of world-famous propane salesman, Hank Hill. It seemed like a normal day for the Hill Residence: Hank was outside drinking in the alley. With him was Dale, Bill, and Boomhower. Peggy and Bobby were busy doing things such as baking pies and eating them, oh and of course, playing Boggle. Although it seemed like it would just be your average day for the family, something was about to change Hank’s life forever.
::. The Alley ::.
Bill: “Yup.”
Dale: “Yup.”
Hank: “Yup.”
Boomhower: “Mmmmhmm.”
Hank: “So, I got this in the mail today.”
[Hank raises a letter in his left hand while keeping his right hand tightly wrapped around his Alamo beer. Bill, Dale and Boomhower are all in shock when they see the logo on the letter: Elite Championship Wrestling.]
Dale: “Oh my God, Hank! Does this mean they finally decided to give you a shot?”
Hank: “I have no idea, Dale. I haven’t opened this letter yet.”
Dale: “Then maybe you shouldn’t.”
Bill: “And why is that? I think it was Hank’s dream to be a wrestler! Well, one of his dreams. I know how badly he wanted to play for the Dallas Cowboys.”
Dale: “He shouldn’t open it, because it could be a bomb disguised as a letter sent to Hank by aliens who want to kill me, knowing I’ll be standing beside Hank when he opens up the letter!”
Hank: “No, Dale, this wasn’t sent to me by aliens.”
Dale: “It must be the robot clones from the future then!”
Hank: “No. It has the date it was sent right here!”
[Hank points his finger at the date on the letter. Dale breathes in a sigh of relief.]
Bill: “Well, that’s good. At least it looks like your dreams will come true. Mine probably never will. I mean, I’m only an army barber, and my wife left me.”
Dale: “And then came back to you and left you again, remember that?”
Bill: “Yeah, I do. I do.”
Hank: “Dang it, Dale, you’re making Bill feel bad.”
Boomhower: “HeymanItellYouwhatyeahmanItellyouwhatyouherememantherockandallthemwrestlersbeselloutandstuffyeahman.”
Dale: “He’s right, Hank. If you become a wrestler, you might end up leaving and making movies like The Rock!”
[Bobby comes rushing from inside and runs into the alley where the adults are talking.]
Bobby: “Did I hear right, dad? You’re going to be in a movie?”
Hank: “Oh great. No, Bobby, no. I don’t even know if I got accepted or anything. You know I send out my high school wrestling videos to every major wrestling federation once a month. But that doesn’t mean anything. And you know as well as I do that being in movies just isn’t for me. I’ve never left Stickland Propane to make a movie, now have I?”
Bill: “That’s very true, Hank. Bobby, you listen to your father. If you keep on eating your vegetables and lifting weights then I am sure you’ll be a wrestler too.”
Hank: “Dang it, Bill! What did I just say?”
Bobby: “You know dad, wrestling has changed a lot since your day. Now it seems the only way people can become world champions is if they can rap about their opponents.”
Hank: “Rap about their opponents? Now what kind of jackass raps and wrestles?”
Bobby: “John Cena, a lot of people don’t like him, but he’s friends with Hornswoogle!”
Hank: “That the hell is a… Horneyswogale?”
Bobby: “Hornswoogle, he’s this small little leprechaun who lives under the ring!”
Hank: “What ever happened to Hulk-a-Mania or Dusty Rhodes? Did you know he grew up the son of a plumber?”
Bill: “Gee Bobby, if he grew up the son of a plumber, imagine what people will say if you wrestle as the boy who was the son of Strickland Propane Employee-Of-The-Month?”
Peggy: “Or substitute teacher of the year! Hooyeah!”
Dale: “Hey Peggy, did you hear Hank is going to become a professional wrestler?”
Hank: “Dale, shut up. I don’t even know if I’m actually going to wrestle or not, for all I know it’s just a letter saying how they’re testing out a new type of wrestling match about propane.”
Boomhower: “Yeahmanitsallaboutthepropanehuhlikeeachandeverytime Itellyouwhatman.”
Dale: “Boomhower, thank you! You just said what all of us have been thinking for years about Hank and his propane fetish.”
Hank: “Propane fetish? Now what in God’s name are you talking about?”
Peggy: “Oh Hank, don’t try to deny it. I may have told Nancy about how when you and I wanted to try something kinky, you wanted to add propane to the mix.”
Hank: “Peggy, you didn’t!”
Peggy: “Yes, I did.”
Bobby: “Mom…dad… what does kinky mean?”
Hank: “Peggy!”
Peggy: “Hank!”
…
Hank & Peggy: “Bobby, go to your room!”
[Bobby shrugs his shoulders and walks away eating a candy bar.]
Hank: “Now look what you’ve done. Now my son is going to be asking me about whips, chains and… ugh… sex.”
Peggy: “Now don’t you blame me, mister. When the time comes that Bobby actually has a girlfriend and he wants to get freaky, he might try tying his girlfriend to a propane tank!”
Hank: “You and I both know that the only time we did anything… um… sexual, was when we ended up grilling in the nude.”
Peggy: “And even then you couldn’t get an erection! I’m sure even Bill or Khan with his petite Asian penis could get closer to the moon than you ever could!”
Hank: “…You went overboard.”
Peggy: “I know.”
Khan: “Well, if it isn’t Hank Hill! I was just in my house watching Price is Right when I hear hillbilly dispute out in alley, so I decide to watch. Min tells me that you get accepted into big bad wrestling federation yes?”
Hank: “I don’t know, Khan. If everyone will just leave me the heck alone, I might be able to open this stupid letter and see what is going on.”
Khan: “It doesn’t matter. Even if you do wrestle you’ll end up getting ass handed to you by Kobashi or Tiger Mask!”
Hank: “Kobashi? Tiger Mask? Who the hell are they?”
Dale: “Only two of the greatest Asian wrestlers in the world. I am sure Khan knows a lot about them.”
Khan: “Oh yes. Burning Hammer! Aha.”
Hank: “That does it. If no one here stops talking, I’m throwing this letter away!”
[The alley is silent for fifteen whole seconds -- a new record!]
Hank: “That’s better.”
[Hank slowly opens the envelope and takes out a single piece of paper. He scans through it and then a giant smile comes on his face.]
Hank: “It says my application to join ECW has been accepted! It says I should introduce myself on the discussion board, post a role-play, add a picture to my profile, join or create a stable and create a tag-team!”
Dale: “Sounds like a lot of work!”
Hank: “I bet I can do it all with a hammer some WD40! Beers are on me!”
Bill: “Yay!”
Peggy: “Congratulations!”
Khan: “Not NOAH? Lame.”
Boomhower: “YeahmanECWissomehardcoreshitman.”
Dale: “ECW? What? RAW and Smackdown were not good enough? Not even TNA? Looks like you’re going to get stuck fighting men from Canada and their peeps.”
Hank: “Not that ECW, Dale. Elite Championship Wrestling. Oh God, this is the best day of my life since Dallas won the Superbowl!”
Peggy: “Good luck, Hank!”
Bill: “Yeah! I’ll watch you every single day on the TV! And order all the overpriced Pay-Per-Views.”
Dale: “You know you don’t have to pay for those. What most people do is just stream them. Ustream or Justin.tv work well.”
Hank: “Oh Peggy, I lov--- like you!”
Peggy: “I like you too, Hank!”
[And with that, the show comes to a close with all the neighbours celebrating in the alley, beers raised as a token to Hank Hill’s great fortune.]
End Scene.
::. The Alley ::.
Bill: “Yup.”
Dale: “Yup.”
Hank: “Yup.”
Boomhower: “Mmmmhmm.”
Hank: “So, I got this in the mail today.”
[Hank raises a letter in his left hand while keeping his right hand tightly wrapped around his Alamo beer. Bill, Dale and Boomhower are all in shock when they see the logo on the letter: Elite Championship Wrestling.]
Dale: “Oh my God, Hank! Does this mean they finally decided to give you a shot?”
Hank: “I have no idea, Dale. I haven’t opened this letter yet.”
Dale: “Then maybe you shouldn’t.”
Bill: “And why is that? I think it was Hank’s dream to be a wrestler! Well, one of his dreams. I know how badly he wanted to play for the Dallas Cowboys.”
Dale: “He shouldn’t open it, because it could be a bomb disguised as a letter sent to Hank by aliens who want to kill me, knowing I’ll be standing beside Hank when he opens up the letter!”
Hank: “No, Dale, this wasn’t sent to me by aliens.”
Dale: “It must be the robot clones from the future then!”
Hank: “No. It has the date it was sent right here!”
[Hank points his finger at the date on the letter. Dale breathes in a sigh of relief.]
Bill: “Well, that’s good. At least it looks like your dreams will come true. Mine probably never will. I mean, I’m only an army barber, and my wife left me.”
Dale: “And then came back to you and left you again, remember that?”
Bill: “Yeah, I do. I do.”
Hank: “Dang it, Dale, you’re making Bill feel bad.”
Boomhower: “HeymanItellYouwhatyeahmanItellyouwhatyouherememantherockandallthemwrestlersbeselloutandstuffyeahman.”
Dale: “He’s right, Hank. If you become a wrestler, you might end up leaving and making movies like The Rock!”
[Bobby comes rushing from inside and runs into the alley where the adults are talking.]
Bobby: “Did I hear right, dad? You’re going to be in a movie?”
Hank: “Oh great. No, Bobby, no. I don’t even know if I got accepted or anything. You know I send out my high school wrestling videos to every major wrestling federation once a month. But that doesn’t mean anything. And you know as well as I do that being in movies just isn’t for me. I’ve never left Stickland Propane to make a movie, now have I?”
Bill: “That’s very true, Hank. Bobby, you listen to your father. If you keep on eating your vegetables and lifting weights then I am sure you’ll be a wrestler too.”
Hank: “Dang it, Bill! What did I just say?”
Bobby: “You know dad, wrestling has changed a lot since your day. Now it seems the only way people can become world champions is if they can rap about their opponents.”
Hank: “Rap about their opponents? Now what kind of jackass raps and wrestles?”
Bobby: “John Cena, a lot of people don’t like him, but he’s friends with Hornswoogle!”
Hank: “That the hell is a… Horneyswogale?”
Bobby: “Hornswoogle, he’s this small little leprechaun who lives under the ring!”
Hank: “What ever happened to Hulk-a-Mania or Dusty Rhodes? Did you know he grew up the son of a plumber?”
Bill: “Gee Bobby, if he grew up the son of a plumber, imagine what people will say if you wrestle as the boy who was the son of Strickland Propane Employee-Of-The-Month?”
Peggy: “Or substitute teacher of the year! Hooyeah!”
Dale: “Hey Peggy, did you hear Hank is going to become a professional wrestler?”
Hank: “Dale, shut up. I don’t even know if I’m actually going to wrestle or not, for all I know it’s just a letter saying how they’re testing out a new type of wrestling match about propane.”
Boomhower: “Yeahmanitsallaboutthepropanehuhlikeeachandeverytime Itellyouwhatman.”
Dale: “Boomhower, thank you! You just said what all of us have been thinking for years about Hank and his propane fetish.”
Hank: “Propane fetish? Now what in God’s name are you talking about?”
Peggy: “Oh Hank, don’t try to deny it. I may have told Nancy about how when you and I wanted to try something kinky, you wanted to add propane to the mix.”
Hank: “Peggy, you didn’t!”
Peggy: “Yes, I did.”
Bobby: “Mom…dad… what does kinky mean?”
Hank: “Peggy!”
Peggy: “Hank!”
…
Hank & Peggy: “Bobby, go to your room!”
[Bobby shrugs his shoulders and walks away eating a candy bar.]
Hank: “Now look what you’ve done. Now my son is going to be asking me about whips, chains and… ugh… sex.”
Peggy: “Now don’t you blame me, mister. When the time comes that Bobby actually has a girlfriend and he wants to get freaky, he might try tying his girlfriend to a propane tank!”
Hank: “You and I both know that the only time we did anything… um… sexual, was when we ended up grilling in the nude.”
Peggy: “And even then you couldn’t get an erection! I’m sure even Bill or Khan with his petite Asian penis could get closer to the moon than you ever could!”
Hank: “…You went overboard.”
Peggy: “I know.”
Khan: “Well, if it isn’t Hank Hill! I was just in my house watching Price is Right when I hear hillbilly dispute out in alley, so I decide to watch. Min tells me that you get accepted into big bad wrestling federation yes?”
Hank: “I don’t know, Khan. If everyone will just leave me the heck alone, I might be able to open this stupid letter and see what is going on.”
Khan: “It doesn’t matter. Even if you do wrestle you’ll end up getting ass handed to you by Kobashi or Tiger Mask!”
Hank: “Kobashi? Tiger Mask? Who the hell are they?”
Dale: “Only two of the greatest Asian wrestlers in the world. I am sure Khan knows a lot about them.”
Khan: “Oh yes. Burning Hammer! Aha.”
Hank: “That does it. If no one here stops talking, I’m throwing this letter away!”
[The alley is silent for fifteen whole seconds -- a new record!]
Hank: “That’s better.”
[Hank slowly opens the envelope and takes out a single piece of paper. He scans through it and then a giant smile comes on his face.]
Hank: “It says my application to join ECW has been accepted! It says I should introduce myself on the discussion board, post a role-play, add a picture to my profile, join or create a stable and create a tag-team!”
Dale: “Sounds like a lot of work!”
Hank: “I bet I can do it all with a hammer some WD40! Beers are on me!”
Bill: “Yay!”
Peggy: “Congratulations!”
Khan: “Not NOAH? Lame.”
Boomhower: “YeahmanECWissomehardcoreshitman.”
Dale: “ECW? What? RAW and Smackdown were not good enough? Not even TNA? Looks like you’re going to get stuck fighting men from Canada and their peeps.”
Hank: “Not that ECW, Dale. Elite Championship Wrestling. Oh God, this is the best day of my life since Dallas won the Superbowl!”
Peggy: “Good luck, Hank!”
Bill: “Yeah! I’ll watch you every single day on the TV! And order all the overpriced Pay-Per-Views.”
Dale: “You know you don’t have to pay for those. What most people do is just stream them. Ustream or Justin.tv work well.”
Hank: “Oh Peggy, I lov--- like you!”
Peggy: “I like you too, Hank!”
[And with that, the show comes to a close with all the neighbours celebrating in the alley, beers raised as a token to Hank Hill’s great fortune.]
End Scene.