Post by A Ghost in the Wind on Jul 21, 2011 17:41:13 GMT -5
PCW Trauma: 97
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Live on E! from the Pure Class Arena in Greenville, South Carolina
Introduction...or not...Revelations Will Be Made
Details: (Unlike most episodes of Trauma, the show does not open up with the usual theatrics of pyrotechnics, smoke, fancy introduction videos, or a catchy theme song from the band Saliva. Instead, the first image seen when the TV signal switches to PCW Trauma is that of PCW President Skylar Marshall.
Skylar, ever the professional, is dressed up in what appears to be the finest custom threads money could buy; his ponytail is immaculate and flawless, and his oval-rimmed glasses are sharply pulled onto his head. Skylar, excuse me, Mr. Marshall is holding a clipboard full of papers in his left hand, and a microphone is his right, and begins to speak.)
Skylar Marshall: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Tuesday Night Trauma!
(The crowd cheers a bit before Marshall continues.)
Skylar Marshall: Tonight is bound to be a great night, thanks to many of the booking decisions I made here concerning tonight's matches. For instance, I know one match every one looking forward to, based solely on the sheer number of text messages I received concerning the identity of the mystery man, is that of Jeremy Bagwell squaring off against a mystery opponent. It could be anyone.
Maybe it's a man called Haze. Maybe it's the former “franchise” of PCW, “Pure Class” Tony Brass. Maybe it's someone already booked tonight, like Heavy Metal. Maybe it's the new higher Max Lombard. Whoever it is, is bound to keep you fans guessing and intrigued, and that's a win-win for you, and for the PCW.
What about the other matches I organized tonight? We have members of The Ascension facing off against Crazy Boy Smith and North American Champion in a preview of sorts for The Gauntlet for The Gold Match at Return to Glory.
(The PCW Faithful cheer some more.)
Skylar Marshall: And speaking of the North American Championship gauntlet match, I personally included a match between High Tide...
(The fans offer a mixed reaction for the mention of High Tide.)
Skylar Marshall: ...and Justin Kaard...
(The fans, however, cheer out loudly for the mention of the youngster Kaard's name.)
Skylar Marshall: ...for Kaard's spot in the gauntlet. Alejandro Walker, the buffoon, had no right signing the self-proclaimed “Adrenaline King” to a PCW contract, let alone offering the spot-monkey an opportunity to compete for a championship. I remedied that situation by scheduling a more impressive PCW newcomer to compete for that spot. And honestly, I hope High Tide wins.
(LOUD boos by the crowd for that one.)
Skylar Marshall: And let's not forget the Main Event of the evening that will feature five men, two Grimms, and one elf, all battling out in another preview for the Return to Glory Pay-Per-View. Which reminds me of the real reason I wanted to come out here today. Camera man, can you please position the camera to the ceiling...
(The camera man, whose name is John Brooks for those who crave Random PCW Facts, points the camera to the ceiling and...what do we have there?...a cage is seen. The structure is massive, tinted with glimmering sparkles of a nice “PCW-blue” color. The camera then lowers, focusing once again on Mr. Marshall. Skylar begins waving the clipboard, before lowering it, and repositioning the mic to his face to speak.)
Skylar Marshall: Beautiful, is it not? The reason it is here tonight is to prove a point- that point being that I'm sick and tired of this little cat-and-mouse game going on between PCW World Championship Title Owner Justin Michaels and PCW World Champion LoKi. And I, for one, will be happy when this nonsense about the title is over.
Yeah, I'm the one who sold the title to Justin. Big.Whooping.Deal. It was a sound business move, and one I needed to make after the fiasco that is the Mike Park Situation. I can't speak on why Justin may have wanted the belt. Maybe it was all a mind-game to get LoKi to give him a shot at the title. But I don't know why Brandon couldn't just buy his own customized championship. Maybe he had certain pharmaceutical needs to spend that money on, I don't know.
What I do know is that, all the attacking both men have been doing...the running, the chasing...it needs to end. And what better way to end all the running by locking the two in a cage? No more running. No more sneak-attacking. No more hiding. No more paying people off. At Return to Glory, LoKi will be defending the non-physical title of PCW Champion against Justin Michaels, who will be defending the actual physical PCW Championship. Inside a cage.
(The fans cheer at the announcement.)
Skylar Marshall: With that said, I hope you all enjoy tonight's show, and if you haven't already, order the Pay-Per-View. It's one you won't want to miss.
(And at that moment, Skylar turns, microphone and clipboard still in hand, and begins to exit the ring, as “Back In Black” by AC/DC kicks in. The feed then fades out into a commercial.)
Match One: Battle Into The Gauntlet Match
Justin Kaard vs. High Tide
Referee: Tyrone Little
Match Details:The first match of the night is the battle for the final spot in the North American Title Gauntlet at Return to Glory. Name of the Game by Crystal Method begins to pound out of the PA system and ‘The Adrenaline King’ jumps through the curtain, fists pumping like mad. The crowd are pumping just as hard as the entertaining yet winless high flyer makes his way through the smoke to the ring. While there he scales the corner, salutes and shows off his agility by flipping backward into the ring. Following him, Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix signals the arrival of Kaard’s nemesis, High Tide, riding his imaginary…or perhaps rum induced pirate ship down the aisle. Once in the ring the two men face off in the middle, knowing exactly what is on the line; each man’s very first shot at a PCW championship.
The bell rings and the two exciting stars begin to circle. Each man looks for a weakness in the opponent already but when neither finds anything they jump forward. The men tie it up, and High Tide slaps on a headlock. He’s grinding away, but Justin Kaard sticks a couple of elbows in his ribs and powers him to the ropes. A throw to the far side breaks the hold, but Tide comes back with a shoulder block. PCW’s Pirate goes to the ropes again, and Kaard throws himself flat. High Tide hops over him, rebounds, and charges right into a hip toss! A fast cover…
One…
Two…
No!
Kaard jumps up to his feet, as does Tide, and the two meet in the middle again. This time Kaard locks in a headlock but Tide almost immediately tries to power him out with a backdrop. Kaard uses his extraordinary agility to flip backwards through the backdrop and land on his feet behind High Tide. Looking to catch Tide off guard, Kaard leaps into a Crucifix and pulls him over into a pin but Tide’s agility is nothing to be sniffed at and he rolls through also. When Kaard pops his head up to see what happened, Tide lashes out with a kick straight between the eyes and pins.
One….
Two….
No!
Tide climbs up to his feet and pulls a groggy Kaard up with him. Hitting a couple of chops across Kaard’s chest, High Tide forces him back onto the ropes and whips his across the ring. On the rebound The Adrenaline King sees Tide duck his head and lifts his boot straight into the opponent’s chest before backing into the ropes and bouncing back. Tide recovers just in time to go for a back body drop but STILL Kaard has his wits about him and manages to flip over onto his feet behind Tide. Before the surly seadog can turn around, Kaard nails a dropkick to the back that shoots High Tide through the ropes to the outside. Waiting for Tide to get back to his feet on the outside, Kaard finally rushes forward and throws himself over the top with a phenomenal corkscrew plancha, crushing High Tide underneath him.
The referee begins to count to 10 as Kaard gets up and pulls a disoriented Tide up with him. As Kaard attempts to throw Tide back into the ring, the pirate reverses and slams Kaard’s head straight into the apron. Taking full advantage Tide rolls Kaard into the ring and follows him. Kaard gets to his feet and stumbles across the ring, but he is unable to stop Tide from slamming a forearm across his back. High Tide whips Kaard across the ring once again but this time hits the adjacent ropes himself and as both men meet in the middle he jumps high and nails a brutal Jumping Heel Kick to the face and hooks the leg.
One…
Two…
TH…NO!
Tide gives a grunt of frustration and gets back up to his feet before dragging Kaard up to his feet. Locking him up, the rum-powered pirate throws Kaard overhead with a vicious snap suplex. Quickly back to his feet, Tide then hits the ropes and returns with a running senton right across the chest, driving all the air out of his chest. After this High Tide gets looks to live up to the first part of his name as his eyes drift up toward the top turnbuckle. A quick glance to the still down Kaard confirms this and Tide begins to scale the corner from the inside. Step by step he gets to the top, looking out to the crowd who begin to chant with anticipation. Tide preps himself and then drops like a sack of potatoes onto the top turnbuckle, crushing his nuts thoroughly. Kaard has somehow got to his feet and dislodged his opponent’s feet.
Grabbing the shoulders of High Tide, Kaard pulls him backward and suspends him in the corner in a tree of woe before moving across the ring. He crosses his wrists to the crowd and then sprints back across before throwing himself forward with a dropkick direction straight into Tide’s teeth. Kaard hits the corner but miraculously not Tide’s head as he manages to pull himself up at the very last second. Holding his ankle in pain from impacting the bottom turnbuckle instead, Kaard struggles out of the corner as Tide gets himself back onto the top turnbuckle, this time looking into the ring. Throwing himself off the top, High Tide soars through the air before hitting a huge ‘Half Mast’ Missile Dropkick. As both men collapse, Tide manages to get a pin.
One…
Two….
THREE!
NO!
Wasting no time High Tide shows his more technical side and locks in an ankle lock on the injured extremity of Kaard. Immediately The Adrenaline King struggles with agony as the hold is tightened and tries to reach for the ropes but Tide holds him in the middle of the ring. The referee moves into position to ask for a submission but Kaard tells him in no uncertain words that he won’t. Kaard begins to claw his way across the ring to the ropes as the pain grows through his leg and is inches away when Tide drags him back yet again. Kaard almost collapses in dejection and nearly taps but digs deep down, harnessing some of the adrenaline that gives him his name. Pushing himself up to gain leverage, Kaard rolls forward and propels High Tide across the ring. As Tide gets to his knees Kaard uses all his reserves of energy to throw his body forward with a Shining Wizard that hits and hits hard.
Kaard is too hurt to go for the pin and as both men are down the referee begins to count again. He reaches five as Kaard pulls himself up to his feet using the ropes and seven as High Tide does the same across the ring. Both men see each other at exactly the same moment and rush forward. High Tide goes for a clothesline but Kaard ducks and both men put the brakes on. As they turn Kaard hits a boot to the midsection but falters for a second as he feels the pain through his ankle. Shrugging it off he sets up the Overdrive and attempts to the hit the move but somehow Tide and his slippery pirate ways manage to roll through the rotation of the move and stays on his feet. Kaard remains on his knees wondering what happened until High Tide rolls him into an Oklahoma Roll pinning move…
One…
No, Kaard rolls through that and reaches his feet before instinctively throwing himself head over heels with a Standing Shooting Star out of nowhere. Clutching his ribs now, Kaard doesn’t pin but in fact looks determined to put Tide away. He walks over to the nearest ropes and jumps up before springing off them with a HUGE and spectacular Deuces Wild Phoenix Splash. Plucking something out of thin air, High Tide lifts his knees and Kaard has nowhere to go but straight into them chest first. Kaard stumbles, gasping for air, across the ring as Tide gets to his feet and runs full speed at him. Just as Kaard turns he sees a yellow and black, rum soaked blur fly through the air and Spear the living hell out of him.
Broken and almost split in half on the mat, Kaard is helpless as High Tide has a drunken look in his eyes that are directed at the top turnbuckle again. This time he climbs from the apron, one by one and watching as Kaard struggles for air. Finally at the top he looks down and…waits. Kaard takes his times and gets up to his feet, albeit with the stability of bambi on ice. Suddenly Tide launches himself off the top with a Shooting Star and rotates through, looking for the Off The Plank DDT. Scraping the bottom of the barrel, Kaard finds something and reverses the Shooting Star DDT right into a Manhattan Drop with more momentum than Tide can shake a now-pulverised stick at.
Clutching his busted nuts, Tide leaves his head open and Kaard takes advantage by leaping high, wrapping his legs around his head and whipping him straight into the middle rope with a Frankensteiner. Kaard sees that Tide is stunned and hung on the ropes and hits the ropes, on the rebound diving forward with a huge Misawa Elbow to the neck. Tide collapses back right in front of the turnbuckle, seemingly out cold. The crowd roars into action as Kaard signals for the Seattle Space Walk. Slowly, hampered by his ankle, Kaard climbs to the top and sets himself. The noise from the crowd can only be described as deafening, but of course nobody heard that description. Kaard crosses his wrists one last time and throws himself off the turnbuckle like a flying, spinning, whirling madman with the corkscrew Shooting Star and….crashes and burns in a flaming pile of adrenaline!
Tide rolled out of the way a split second before and quickly leapt at the opportunity presented to him on a silver platter with a Pirate Code Small Package…
One…
Two….
THREE!
NO!
Kaard pushes out at the very last moment and jumps to his feet, only to meet Tide again who latches onto him and attempts a Backslide but can’t lift Kaard who puts the brakes on in mid-air and uses the momentum to roll Tide into a Backslide pin of his own, pushing hard off the mat for as much leverage as he can get.
One…
Two…
THREE!
Tide escapes but it’s too late, Kaard wins!
Winner(s): Justin Kaard
Gauntlet for the Gold
Details: High Tide rolls out of the ring, looking just a little dejected after losing his first match in his PCW tenure. However, inside the ring, looking as ecstatic as ever, is Justin Kaard, clearly happy that he won and is still able to compete for the PCW North American Championship at Return to Glory.
But before anyone can get too excited, the PCW-Tron clicks on. On the screen shows Skylar Marshall and Alejandro Walker sitting inside of Skylar's office. Skylar looks a bit annoyed as Alejandro is looking quite a bit jovial. “The Captain” slaps Marshall on the back and then begins to speak.)
Alejandro Walker: Woo-hoo! Ho ho ho ho ha! There you have it. I told you that boy is gonna be money. Put 'em in situation like that, an' he gonna perform. I ain't have anything against High Tide, but I knew signing Kaard was the right move.
Skylar Marshall: So he won. Congratulations to him. But what an effort by High Tide. He is still the most impressive newcomers we've signed. Know what, I'm going to include High Tide into the match anyway.
Alejandro Walker: I don't have no qualms with that.
Skylar Marshall: Didn't ask you if you did.
Alejandro Walker: Listen here, Marshall. You have to work with me.
Skylar Marshall: For now.
Alejandro Walker: What'cha tryin' to say there?
Skylar Marshall: Let's...let's just finish watching the show.
(And with that, the feed fades to commercial.)
Match Two: Singles Match
Andy D [w/2Guys] vs. “Grandmaster” Glyn Speight
Referee: Joseph Buckland
Match Details: Following commercial is the second match of the night, which is the in-ring debut of Andy D who is, by coincidence, the NEXT man to make his way to the ring as his opponent, Gyn Speight, is already there. Hypest Hype by Chase and Status hits the PA system but the fans greet it with a mixed reaction. That is until Andy D makes his way out onto the stage, flanked by Jackal and Menace who appear to believe the new wave of cheers are for them. Andy tries his best to ignore his advisors as he makes his way down to the ring, bouncing along to the music. The fans follow him with cheers as he climbs into the ring and beckons them on before placing his Bucket hat onto the turnbuckle and turning to face the Grandmaster.
The referee calls for the bell and both men, eager to impress, go straight at it. The men tie it up, and Andy slaps on a headlock. He’s grinding away, but Glyn sticks a couple of elbows in his ribs and powers him to the ropes. A throw to the far side breaks the hold, but Andy comes back with a shoulder block. Andy hits the ropes again, and Glyn throws himself flat. The debutant hops over him, rebounds, and charges right into a hip toss! A fast cover…
One…
Two…
No!
Andy gets his shoulder up and retreats to his corner to seek a little moral support from his advisors only to find that they’re….playing Rock-Paper-Scissors. Andy tries to get their attention but Jackal pulls a Rock that smashes Menace’s Scissors and Menace demands a rematch. Andy, realising he’s on his own here, turns back to Glyn and the two begin to circle.
The two men meet in the middle again and lock up in a collar and elbow tie up, but Andy is quick to move into a rear waist lock and try to lift Glyn off his feet. Speight resists so Andy tries something different and nails a rear drop-toe-hold, dropping Glyn to the mat. Quickly Andy gets to his feet and rushes at the ropes only for Glyn to duck underneath him again on the return. As Andy rebounds a second time, Glyn goes for a back body drop but receives a boot to the nose for his troubles. Andy back into the ropes again and rushes back with a Running STO that floors Glyn. He keeps the momentum rolling as hits the ropes once more but Glyn is quickly finding a home on the mat and ducks underneath again. Determined as ever, when he gets to his feet Glyn goes for another back body drop but Andy jumps over him into a Sunset Flip pin.
One…
Two….
PAPER!
Wait…kick out!
Andy glances back to ringside to see Menace celebrating as his Paper beat Jackal’s Rock. Jackal, this time, demands a third match. Shaking his head, Andy gets back to the task at hand and gets hit by a boot to the midsection and a club to the back. Cursing ever taking his eyes of Glyn, Andy is lifted up high with a suplex and held there for a second. Wildly kicking his legs, Andy sways his balance and drops to his feet behind the Grandmaster who turns straight into a Solebutt to the gut. He turns to hit the ropes but Glyn reaches out and desperately grabs the back of his t-shirt, dragging him back and locking in a rear waist lock. Glyn uses his power to lift Andy up with a Backdrop but Andy manages to roll over his shoulders and onto his feet. Before Glyn can react, Andy hops up onto his shoulders from behind before rolling forward with a Victory Roll pin.
One…
Two….
TH…NO!
Glyn pushes out of the pin just in time and struggles to his feet, only to be met with a rebounding Andy who goes for another STO. This time Glyn resists and shoves Andy backwards but he can’t stop the impressive youngster who goes for a kick instead. Glyn manages to grab the foot before it hits but with no hands remaining the only thing he can block the next enziguri with is his face. Stunned and on his knees, Glyn is defenceless and Andy hits the ropes before rebounding and launching himself forward with a vicious Shining Wizard that he calls the Dragon’s Bite.
One…
Two…
SCISSORS!
THREE!
The crowd erupts as Andy D jumps to his feet and celebrates his first ever PCW win and Jackal celebrates at trumping Menace’s Paper. Both advisors finally look into the ring and see Andy saluting the crowd in victory and they do the same.
Winner(s): Andy D. via pinfall
Late Arrival
Details: (Following the match the feed cuts to the parking lot where a limo is pulling into the stadium. The license plate on the front of the vehicle reads FRC1NTR, and the camera pans around to the back driver's side door as the fans in the arena have already started to boo the very late arrival of Justin Michaels. The driver of the limo gets out and walks to the back side of the car and opens to door. The first to exit the vehicle, however, is not Stormm, but yet his stunning fiancée, Lindsay Matthews, all gussied up in a short black dress with a tiny orange ribbon tied into a bow placed perfectly between the two attention getters up front. A few whistles and cheers come from the males in attendance, but is cut short as Justin exits the vehicle with his cell phone glued to his face.)
Justin Michaels: I already told you, under no circumstances should there be less than two of you in the room with it at all times until we get back.
(At first the conversation seems a bit out of place, but if you've seen any live PCW events in the last couple of months, you'd know that a certain possession has never left the Force of Nature's side since Game Over. Looking at him as he arrives, it’s pretty obvious what he doesn't have with him here tonight; the PCW World Championship belt. Arriving at the scene with a microphone in tow is resident PCW interviewer, Shane Dodge, who is trying his best to get Michaels' attention.)
Lindsay Matthews: I'm sorry; he's not signing autographs right now.
(Shane's eyes lock with Lindsay's for a moment, and he finds it hard to even come to the conclusion that she was totally bagging on him.)
Shane Dodge: Oh, no Ms. Matthews, I'm Shane Dodge, I'm here to...
(Justin cuts him off before he can finish, as he holds his cell phone out away from his head.)
Justin Michaels: She knows that you little fungus. She was just being polite while trying to tell you I didn't want to talk to you. Not now. Not in five minutes. Not ever. You interviewers are all the same, looking for your place in the spotlight. You are more like diseases, only show up when somebody doesn't want you around. No if you'll excuse me.
(Returning to his phone conversation, Justin and Lindsay push past the degraded interviewer.)
Shane Dodge: I just wanted your reaction on the announcement that your title match with LoKi at Return to Glory will now be a cage match.
(Lindsay looks back at Shane with a touch of concern as Justin stops in his tracks.)
Justin Michaels: I'll have to call you back.
(He turns back to Shane and walks the five or six steps back to where the man is still standing with his microphone.)
Shane Dodge: Did you not already know about the announcement?
(Lowering his brown, Justin glares as Shane as he responds to the news.)
Justin Michaels: Well, this certainly was not a part of the original negotiations.
(He pauses as he looks over at Lindsay who has since wrapped her arms around Justin right bicep. A smile comes to his face as he turns his attention back to Shane Dodge.)
Justin Michaels: But it sure does sweeten the deal up even more. You see Mr. Dodge, while I'm sure you and the rest of the slime that gum up the works inside this arena were hoping that this news would make me angry, it does just the opposite.
(Justin clears his throat as a smile can be found on both Justin and Lindsay's faces now)
Justin Michaels: LoKi has been doing nothing but avoiding me for two months now. He has been grabbing MY belt whenever he gets the chance, and running away like a little bitch. But inside of a cage, there's nowhere to go.
(Finished speaking his mind, Justin turns with Lindsay still at his side, and the couple begins to make their way inside of the arena that is filled with boos that echo clear out into the parking lot.)
Shane Dodge: What about the World title belt Justin? Where is that this evening?
Justin Michaels: If I told you, I have five guys on payroll that would have to kill you.
(Michaels and Matthews disappear inside the double doors leading inside of the arena as a somewhat shocked Shane Dodge stands there, not having expected the reaction he got from the number one contender to the world title, and rightful owner for the world title belt.)
Poker Time w/Grimm & Sadistic
Details: (The PCW-Tron then cuts to the backstage area where a room full of crazies are fully
Grimm: Really, Mentis? First an old Converse sneaker, now a crusty Louisville Slugger? A broken Louisville Slugger? Those things are neither cool or unique.
Sadistic: Yeah. How about something useful...?
Non Compos Mentis: Like what?
Sadistic: Liiiiiike...does Roth have any weaknesses?
(Non Compos Mentis sees where this is going immediately and turns his attention to his cards. Had the Brothers Gruesome invited Non Compos Mentis here to play poker and wager on outrageous items, or were they simply going to pump him for information?)
High Tide: Yarrrrr!
(All heads turn to the pirate. Tide glances back at them, wondering why they're suddenly looking at him. He simply shrugs his shoulders before folding his hand and letting out a rumbling belch infused with rum and sardines.)
Jeremy Bagwell: Well...I think I'm all in...
(Bagwell begins to shove his pile of wares into the center, but an arched eyebrow from Phinehas causes him to quickly reconsider...)
Jeremy Bagwell: Ah...just joking...
(...and he quickly retracts his stack and tosses his cards into the middle. Grimm gives an approving nod before wagering a pair of highwayman warrior boots...complete with spikes and leather! Sadistic's eyes turn green with envy - well, greener than they already were, at least - and he quickly calls by tossing a mop into the pot. You know, the mop used in the Toxic Avenger? That mop!)
Jeremy Bagwell: Ooooooh...
(NCM, Grimm, and Sadistic show their hands and it's the lucky dog Sadistic that wins - with a queen high! While everyone is up in arms about the horrible hand, High Tide quickly sneaks a boot-shaped shot glass out of the pot and into his big pirate coat.)
Sadistic: 'Scuse me, gents, but I'll be right back.
(With boots under arm, Sadistic disappears around the corner. Grimm clears his brother's winnings before dealing the next hand. You can't quite put your finger on it, but there seems to be an awkward tension between the pirate and the hobo...)
Distant Voices: Heh heh heh...shhhhh...
(Bagwell, Grimm, Tide, and Mentis all look in the direction of the hushed whispers as Nacho Grande's pals, Beef Supreme and Quesa Dilla, tiptoe into view. Grimm suppresses the urge to lunge across the table as the duo sneaks up to the crooked wooden door holding a brown paper bag...in plain view of the competitors at the table.)
Quesa Dilla: Who got the lighter?
(Beef Supreme produces a lighter and Dilla puts flame to bag before rapping on the door. Nacho's buddies scurry off while trying to muffle their laughter...)
Grimm: You've gotta be kidding me...
(And while all of this goodness is going on, Sadistic struts around the corner donning his newly acquired boots with a beaming grin.)
Grimm: Hey Billy, I think somebody's at the door...
(Sadistic heads toward the door with a confused expression on his face and as he nears the door his nose begins to crinkle. Sadistic whips the door open and is greeted by a blazing surprise!)
Sadistic: Judas Priest, Grimm! It's one of those flaming bags again!
Jeremy Bagwell: Don't put it out with your boots, Billy!
Sadistic: Don't tell me my business, bitch boy! Call the fire department! This one's outta control!
(Billy then proceeds to stomp the fire into oblivion - soiling his nifty new boots in the process. Again, the Phenom's nostrils crinkle as he takes in a few deep sniffs. Wanting visible evidence, Sadistic pulls off a boot and takes a gander.)
Sadistic: It's poop again!
(Bagwell and High Tide begin giggling and even the mighty Phinehas Grimm cracks a smile.)
High Tide: He called the shit "poop!" Ha ha!
(Bagwell and High Tide continue to laugh it up as Sadistic solemnly drops the shitty boot on the ground.)
Sadistic: Pity. I really liked those boots...
(As all of this mayhem is taking place, High Tide reaches into the pot yet again and pulls out a pair of barber shop style hedge clippers. But this time, somebody takes notice...)
Non Compos Mentis: Hey. I saw that.
High Tide: Arrrr! What do ye think ye saw?!
Non Compos Mentis: You, pirate, stealing from the table of Grimm & Sadistic!
(With a roar, the deranged champion flips over the table! Cards and antes go flying as Bagwell ducks for cover. High Tide is up in an instant as a brawl looks inevitable. Grimm quickly steps between the two men. Ready for action, Phinehas shoves Sadistic's bottle of rum into High Tide's chest.)
Grimm: Tide, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
(Tide looks at the snarling Non Compos Mentis, then at the bottle of booze. Turning, High Tide marches past Sadistic, over the flaming shit bag, and out the door...calling back over his shoulder as he does so.)
High Tide: Gangway! I'll be seein' ye fer that golden belt, ye scurvy dog! An' after I keel-haul ye, I'll be takin' that golden belt! Arrr!
(And with that, the poker game comes to an abrupt end.)
Match Three: Tag Team Match
The Ascension {The Watcher & Areas} vs. Non Compos Mentis (N. A. ©) & Tyrone “Crazy Boy” Smith
Referee: Steve Shaw
Match Details: The fans are “treated” to a rather grisly recap of Trauma 96. Non Compos Mentis, his face twisted with hate and rage, crushes the Watcher to the mat at a horrific angle. Motionless, the Watcher is hustled from the ring and a hush falls over the crowd (both past and present) when the appearance of a crash cart makes it clear how serious this is. Paramedics work feverishly over the fallen warrior, and the paddles are applied over and over to no avail. And then… a draught from the Cup of the Ascension, and a resurrection worthy of Romero.
Don’t try this at home, kids.
A hooded procession emerges onto the stage in arcane formation, and as the music kicks in they sweep aside the velvet drape for the Shaman of the Dark Church. Areas surveys the crowd, and then with a “BEHOLD!” gesture, calls forth the Watcher to a thunderous ovation. Side by side they walk down the aisle, bestowing blessings of Iferatus upon a lucky few. At Return to Glory they’ll be opponents for the North American strap, but tonight the Ascension stands united.
Team Crazy As a Japanese Game Show emerges to a reaction that can best be described as ‘confused’. Smith is a prodigious crowd-pleaser, but the jury is back out on Non Compos Mentis. The Champion’s actions have been – well, let’s call them ‘erratic’, and he did kind of kill someone. Crazy Boy pumps his fist to get everybody fired up and then extends his hand to the Mentis, palm up. The big man looks at Smith, out at the crowd, back to Smith, and… Gives him five! Relieved “N-C-M” chants go up all over the arena, and the Born Psycho seems to be enjoying having the fans on his side. The Watcher, on the other hand, looks extremely displeased.
Areas and Crazy Boy start the contest. The men tie it up, and Areas slaps on a headlock. He’s grinding away, but Smith sticks a couple of elbows in his ribs and powers him to the ropes. A throw to the far side breaks the hold, but the Shaman comes back with a shoulder block. Areas to the ropes again, and Smith throws himself flat. Areas hops over him, rebounds, and charges right into a hip toss! A fast cover… One… Two… No good. They lock up again, and Areas with a suplex attempt. Crazy Boy floats over and seizes his opponent around the waist for a back body drop. Areas lands on HIS feet and nails Crazy Boy with a rear mat slam! He hooks the leg… One… Two… Nope. Areas misses a falling elbow and earns himself a baseball slide dropkick in the teeth. Smith is back up and on the attack, but Areas dodges and tags in the Watcher.
Smith is MORE than ready to rumble, but the Watcher holds him off with an upraised hand. He doesn’t want to wrestle the Crazy One, he wants the OTHER Crazy One! The Watcher points to the hostile corner, demanding that Smith tag Mentis in! Crazy Boy stands with his hands on his hips, surveys the cheering crowd, and makes the tag with a shrug. Might as well give him what he wants, right?
The heavyweights collide, and the exchange is as friendly as you’d expect considering one of them is avenging his own death. The men pound each other’s skulls like there’s candy inside, until Mentis gets the upper hand and slugs the Watcher to a neutral corner. A throw to the far side is reversed and Mentis crashes chest first into the turnbuckle so hard that Areas and Smith are almost shaken off the apron. The Watcher seizes the recoiling Mentis around the waist and drills him with a bridging German suplex! One… Two… Crazy Boy breaks the pin a split second before Areas can intervene. All four men are in the ring as the referee desperately tries to keep order. Crazy Boy and Mentis are thrown to the ropes, duck a matched set of clothesline attempts, and retaliate with dual flying forearms. Areas rolls to the outside as Smith clears out to allow the count. One… Two… the Watcher escapes.
Mentis goes back on the attack, but the Watcher blocks a suplex attempt and lands one of his own. Forced back into the hostile corner, the tag is made and the Champion gets the oft-referenced mudhole stomped in him. Crazy Boy tries to intervene, but referee Shaw gets in his face, allowing the Ascension a double back body drop with enough elevation to give Heavy Metal vertigo. Areas makes the cover… One… Smith with the save. The Watcher tackles him out of his boots, and all four men are in the ring again.
The referee has lost control of this one; it’s apparently going to be a tornado tag whether he likes it or not. Double lariat by the Ascension on Smith, and they put the boots to him until Mentis breaks it up with a side slam on Areas. Team Check Up From The Neck Up give the Watcher a double whip and clothesline, sending him over the top rope to a hellaciously bad landing on the concrete floor. Ignoring the referee, Crazy Boy takes to the turnbuckle as Mentis sets up Areas in the far corner. HARD throw by Mentis as Smith makes like a stinger missile, and the Shaman is met in the middle of the ring with a Crazy Drop! Smith rolls out as Mentis makes the cover. One… Two… THREE!
Winner(s): Non Compos Mentis & Tyrone Smith via pinfall after NCM pins Areas
After The Match...
Details: The Ascension are recovering on the outside and Tyrone Smith hits the ring to celebrate. At Return to Glory they may be deadly opponents, but tonight Team One Fry Short were tag pros. The fans show their appreciation as Smith pumps his fist and raises his partner’s arm in victory…
FRACTURED MIND! Non Compos Mentis just nailed Crazy Boy out of nowhere!
There is a split second of deadly silence, and then the first jeers begin. Mentis looks around as the crowd does a one-eighty attitude shift, and then down at Crazy Boy, clearly horrified by his own actions! The Champ makes a tentative move to check on the guy he just flattened, but the Watcher dives into the ring thinking (not at all unreasonably) that it’s another attack! Mentis is driven out by a flurry of hard blows, momentarily unable or perhaps unwilling to defend himself. The North American strap dangling loose in his fist, he takes one last look at the men in the ring and makes for the backstage area, not running, but not wasting any time either.
Do You Want To Play?
Details:
DO… YOU… WANT… TO… PLAY?
(“Play With Me” erupts from the speakers and the crowd goes wild as Los Dos Amigos enter the arena. The two strut down the aisle, cool enough to give you brain freeze, pausing to rock out with the fans along the way. Once in the ring, they kill time posing on the turnbuckles until they can get a word in edgewise, which takes a while.)
Heavy Metal: Let it never be said that we don’t keep our promises! Grimm, Sadistic, you mangy, malodorous malefactors… We SAID we would make you pay. We said it, and then we DID it, right here in this ring in front of God and everybody! And man, let me tell you that was fun! That was REAL fun! Beating the beards off your ugly mugs was almost as much fun as coming up with new alliterations for you piliferous profligates. Oh, go look it up; we already used all the easy ones.
(The reaction from the fans is a mixture of laughter, cheering, and adoration. Nacho let's out a "NACHOOOOOOO!" which the crowd promptly returns! Metal can't help but smile.)
Heavy Metal: The point is we can’t wait to get our hands on you again. All the pain and humiliation you felt at Trauma 96? That was nothing but the intro! A taste – just a little taste – of things to come. Tonight in the main event you’ll get another taste, and then at Return to Glory… Well, if you thought it was bad now, just imagine how hard we’re going to hit you when we CARE what the stakes are!
(The fans let our a roar of anticipation, their mouths salivating at the thought of new Tag Team Champions.)
Heavy Metal: What you tried to do to us was the biggest mistake of your lives, because all you did was create the force of your own destruction! There’s a new power in Pure Class and you’re looking at it. Our first act is going to be what someone should have done a LONG time ago! At Return to Glory, you will suffer, you will fall, and you WILL face the music!
(The fans are in the midst of another wave of cheering when the PCW-Tron comes to life. The camera is zoomed in on Phinehas Grimm and Billy Sadistic, the Horrors from Hangtown. The Abomination of Desolation stares into the arena, his face an emotionless slate. The Carnivore of Hardcore, on the other hand, wears a slight smirk.)
Grimm: I admire such confidence. Even in the face of certain doom.
(Of course, the fans boo like the sheep they are.)
Sadistic: You think you're just going to waltz into THIS arena in two weeks, defeat the greatest tag team in the HISTORY of Pure Class Wrestling, and walk out as Tag Team Champions of the World?!
(Roth and Grande look at each other before grinning and nodding.)
Sadistic: If you want a shot at OUR tag titles, you do so under OUR rules!
Grimm: No Holds Barred!
Sadistic: Falls Count Anywhere!
(Despite the brothers' reputation, the fans cheer at the thought of such a brutal match.)
Grimm: That is...unless you're scared.
(Nacho and Metal have to give this decision some "serious" thought, and they make a big show of huddling up to discuss the situation. After a few moments, they break the huddle with...)
Heavy Metal: You're damn right we accept!
(The fans are thumping yet again!)
Heavy Metal: But that's not all! Since you've been so generous to give us a shot at those belts at Return to Glory, WE will return that generosity by promising to give YOU the most brutal, outrageous match of your lives!
(The fans are on their feet and chants are sprouting up around the Pure Class Arena...until groans can be heard coming from the big screen. The camera slowly pans out to find Beef Supreme and Quesa Dilla writhing in pain on the ground.)
Sadistic: Well, well, well. What 'ave we 'ere? Looks like our little prankster friends! You guys promise "brutal" and "outrageous?"
(The Phenom pulls Quesa Dilla up off the concrete and...BAM...Sadistic DDT! Unreal impact! Dilla is out cold and the Amigos have left the ring!)
Grimm: Wow. That was brutal. And perfectly legal in our match at Return to Glory.
(Taking his turn, Grimm yards Beef Supreme off the ground and...SMASH...drives him through a catering table with the Harvest! Nacho and Metal are sprinting up the ramp as the brothers continue their savage assault on Nacho's little buddies.)
Sadistic: Yikes. That was outrageous. And also perfectly legal in our match at Return to Glory. Hmmm...what else would be totally within the confines of the rules...?
Grimm: Chair?
Sadistic: Of course!
(Grabbing a steel folding chair that must have been conveniently place nearby, Phinehas dresses Quesa Dilla with it as Sadistic prepares to administer the final touch. And that's when they hear the pounding footsteps. Shrugging their shoulders, the brothers disappear leaving their unfinished business in a heap on the ground. Los Dos Amigos are quickly on the scene to tend to their fallen companions as the scene fades to a commercial.)
Match Four: Mystery Opponent Singles Match
Jeremy Bagwell vs. ???
Referee: Eddie Lane
Match Details: The fourth match of the night features the return to action of the Dillinger brothers' personal whipping boy, Jeremy Bagwell. Despite the awesomeness of Van Halen's "Running With the Devil," Bagwell is booed mercilessly by the PCW Faithful. It should also be noted that Bagwell is noticably less goofy and clearly more muscular than he was the last time he wrestled inside of a PCW ring.
And now...the time has come...for the moment everybody has been waiting for! The unveiling of young Bagwell's mystery opponent! A slow fog creeps onto the stage as clanging bells and violent wind gusts flow through the speakers. A lone man clad in a robe of the Ascension sort steps out from behind the curtain and the fans begin to buzz. Who is this newest member of Basilisk's merry flock? The anticipation continues to build as the man slowly walks down the aisle, Bagwell watching him nervously all the while. The sound effects subside and the lighting resumes as the mysterious individual methodically climbs into the ring. All eyes are on the robed warrior as he slowly reached up to remove the hood...
...and that's when Bagwell strikes from behind! The fans begin booing as the Dillingers' young pawn prevents the mystery man from revealing his identity. The men tie it up, and the mystery man slaps on a headlock. He’s grinding away, but Bagwell sticks a couple of elbows in his ribs and powers him to the ropes. A throw to the far side breaks the hold, but the mystery man comes back with a shoulder block. The mystery man to the ropes again, and Bagwell throws himself flat. The mystery man hops over him, rebounds, and charges right into a hip toss! A fast cover: One... Two... No good.
Both men are back up the mystery man ducks a clothesline and flattens Bagwell with a standing side kick! Slowly reaching up, the robed figure yanks the hood off revealing...
PEGASUS! Pegasus is back and the fans let out a surprised roar! Peggy's broad smile quickly turns to a look of angry determination as he sets his sights on Bagwell. However, Bagwell is waiting with a stiff thumb to the eye! With his opponent temporarily blinded, Bagwell takes the opportunity to rub Peggy's eyes across the top rope! The fans boo and Eddie Lane admonishes Bagwell, but the youngster insists he's guilty of no wrong doing...and then he connects with a thrusting chop to the throat. The referee spins Bagwell around and sternly warns him, but as he does so, Jeremy scores with a mule kick to groin of Pegasus...out of sight of Eddie lane, of course. Pegasus drops to his knees, and Bagwell cheerfully signals that it's time to put Pegasus away.
Anxious to put his newly mastered finishing maneuver on display for his not-so-loyal fans, Bagwell hits the ropes and rebounds towards a hunched over Pegasus. Leaping into the air, Bagwell connects with a perfectly executed scissors kick that absolutely crushes Pegasus! Bagwell jumps to his feet, his arms triumphantly thrust into the air, and the fans begin to boo. Suddenly, the boos turn to cheers as Pegasus slowly stands behind the youngster, his face contorted in a mask of rage. Bagwell, sensing that something's amiss, quickly peeks over his shoulder and spots Pegasus...seemingly unfazed by his flamboyant scissors kick...and he lets out a frightened yelp! With an audible "Fuck that noise!" Bagwell literally dives out of the ring between the middle and bottom ropes and lands in a heap on the outside before scrambling up the ramp. Pegasus follows him as far as the ropes before pointing angrily at his young adversary! The fans are on their feet, their bodies pumping with adrenaline!
Eddie Lane begins the mandatory ten-count, but that's the last thing on Bagwell's mind as he backpedals up the ramp. Eddie Lane is forced to award the match to Pegasus via countout at the 6 minute and 49 second mark, but Peggy couldn't care less. His eyes are still locked on Bagwell as he mouths the words "you", "me", and "Return to Glory" to the frightened rookie. Bagwell swallows hard before ducking into the back.
Winner(s): Pegasus via count-out
The Game Ends At Return to Glory
Details: "And with everything that's happened so far tonight, you can bet we'll keep bringing you up to date news, information, and interviews via our Facebook and Twitter pages," Kassandra Black said cheerfully into the Mic.
A door slams off screen and the camera jerks towards the sound. Loki, still in his street clothes with a duffel slung over one shoulder, has just arrived at the Pure Class Arena. Kassandra Black is quickly by his side, microphone at the ready.
"Loki, tonight, Skylar Marshall made a huge announcement regarding your Championship match at Return to Glory. In just two weeks time, you'll be facing off against Justin "Stormm" Micheals, the de-facto owner of the PCW Heavyweight Championship, inside of a steel cage. Can I get your thoughts on this startling development?" She asked.
Loki stared at her, taking in everything she'd just said. Suddenly he began to laugh.
"My thoughts. You want my thoughts on being locked inside of a steel cage with Stormm? My thought is," Loki paused, "that it's perfect. For two months now, this silly little cat and mouse game has gone on between us. For two months he's had my number at every turn. In two weeks, Justin Micheals won't have any place left to run. At Return to Glory, this silly little game comes to an end, one way or another," Loki said, almost gleefully.
The World Heavyweight Champion pushes past the stunned interviewer and heads deeper into the building, laughing as he walks away.
Match Five: Eight-Man Tag Team Match
Los Dos Amigos {Heavy Metal (INT ©) & Nacho Gande}; Usali Basilisk; LoKi (World ©) vs. Lantlas; Grimm & Sadistic (Tag Team ©); Justin “Stormm” Michaels
Referee: Eric Russo
Match Details: Okay, you already knew this match was going to be a cluster fuck, right? Well not so fast...let's back up a bit, shall we....
When we returned from commercial break, the charismatic amigos, the leader of the Ascension, and the World Champion were already in the ring. As were the immortal elf, Grimm #1, and Grimm #2. And then the richest man in the company decided to grace the ungrateful PCW Peasants with his presence...at the top of the ramp, that is.
Of course, before Justin "Stormm" Michaels could breach the curtains, a legion of nearly two dozen security guards flooded the entrance - which Stormm paid top dollar for personally. And THEN Stormm graced the peons with his presence. Michaels, dressed in his street clothes - well, street clothes for him, anyhow - had a folding chair with him. Setting the chair at the top of the ramp, Stormm popped a squat and raised a microphone to his lips as the seven grapplers and thousands of fans looked on.
Justin Michaels: I'm sure anyone with half a brain could tell you that it's obvious I have no desire to compete in this jumbled up mess they called the main event here tonight.
He paused for a second as he contemplated what he'd just said.
Justin Michaels: On second thought, I suppose for all you pea brains in attendance, I better explain myself. This match is nothing but an accident waiting to happen, and I for one am not about to give any one of those seven maniacs the chance to make me anything less than one hundred percent for Return to Glory. LoKi, there will be nowhere for you to hide inside of a steel cage in two weeks, and I'm not about to give your punk ass the chance to give yourself the upper hand going into the pay per view.
The fans began booing as Justin situated himself on the folding chair; and that's as much description as you're gonna get!
Justin Michaels: Then of course we come to your partners, starting with Almost Famous and Minimum Wage, given the fact I straight up called them worthless a couple months ago, while I did everything I could to lose my matches to them to pursue bigger things, like the PCW World Championship, who knows what those two squirrelly bastards might pull. Oh no, you two get to deal with the Hell Bound Hillbillies from Hangtown all night, this guy will sit here and watch the devastation unfold.
A few cheers were mixed in with the echoing jeers at the mention of Los Dos Amigos along with two of Stormm's partners for the evening, Grimm and Sadistic.
Justin Michaels: Now we come to Usali and Lantlas, and what a pile of crap these two have cooked up. Fighting over immortality? Are they serious? And I thought Non Compos Mentis was a Looney Tune! Now, I would be lying if I said I haven't had my share of run-ins and associations with the blue-haired fairy tale up there. But after our match at Trauma 96, there's no way in Hell I'm going to let that elf get near me. And Usali, well, there's really not much else worth mentioning about that guy.
Jeers continued to fill the arena as the other seven competitors in the ring seemed to look on with nothing but spite as Justin Michaels continued to run them down just before the start of the match he was supposed to be competing in, too.
Justin Michaels: So while the PCW World Championship belt sits safely guarded in another state right now, I'll pop a squat up here with my good friends keeping the rest of you from getting to me, and causing any issues. With that in mind, I guess you all can start kicking the crap out of each other now.
And with the match reduced to a four-on-three handicap match, referee Eric Russo had no choice but to start the lopsided contest. With Stormm watching from his throne atop the ramp, the match began with this little nugget of goodness:
The men tie it up, and LoKi slaps on a headlock. He’s grinding away, but Sadistic sticks a couple of elbows in his ribs and powers him to the ropes. A throw to the far side breaks the hold, but LoKi comes back with a shoulder block. LoKi to the ropes again, and Sadistic throws himself flat. LoKi hops over him, rebounds, and charges right into a hip toss! A fast cover: One… Two… No good.
And the PCW Faithful groaned.
It should also be noted that during this match, Usali Basilisk and Lantlas Anduril never locked horns. Heavy Metal never got his air guitar playing hands on either of the Dillingers. And Nacho Grande definitely didn't serve up any Fourth Meal to the Brothers Gruesome. Instead, LoKi battled the Phenom. The Amigos teamed up on Lantlas. And Usali summoned the powers of the occult against the Crimson Demon. All within the boundaries of the match, or course, and all by complete coincidence! And let's not forget about Stormm, who'd opted to sit this one out behind his wall of henchmen...microphone in hand.
Justin Michaels: Looking at a match like this from the outside looking in, it's a wonder PCW stays in business. Why do you people pay to watch this garbage?
Wow! That one earned him a black mark with the PCW Faithful. And remember that cluster fuck? Well, it started when Los Dos Amigos took exception to some questionable tactics by the Hangtown Horrors. Hellbent on revenge for their fallen friends, they flew across the ring in a flash, fists a' flyin'! Eric Russo attempted to interject like a God damn fool and was trampled for his efforts! Usali and LoKi weren't far behind the amigos and a seven-man brawl had quickly erupted in place of a sportsmanlike match! A stomped-silly Eric Russo was forced to call for the bell and the people of Greenville were ranting and raving like blood-thirsty lunatics! Proper product placement (sorry Nacho) and regard for gentleman vegetables were completely thrown out the window - as was the match - at the 12 minute and 2 second mark as the whole thing just went all to shit!
Winner(s): Draw
Leave Them Wanting More
Details: But wait! There's more! With all of that incredible action taking place in the ring, Justin Michaels saw fit to part his herd of bodyguards like the Red Sea and head down to the ring with chair in hand. The brawl had overflowed to the arena floor as all traces of humanity had abandoned the appointed dueling grounds. The Brothers Gruesome and Los Dos Amigos were employing eye gouges, fish hooks, and anything else they could think of. Lantlas and Usali had their hands wrapped around each others throats in a competition of who could hold their breath the longest. And that sly dog Justin Michaels arrived just in time to clobber LoKi across the back with his own personal seating device - which was quite expensive, I assure you.
Amidst all of the violence and pure mayhem, Stormm rolled into the ring to admire his handiwork from a better vantage point. Lantlas was able to separate from Basilisk and strategically returned to the ring to secure the higher ground. And the Brothers Gruesome dove back into the squared-circle to take a quick recount for missing eyes or teeth. And just as shit was about to re-hit the fan...
Skylar Marshall: Now! NOW! NOW!!!
The words blared over the loud speakers from somewhere, but what in the hell was he yelling about? And then the arena was filled with echoing laughter. Ah ha! A steel cage - actually, the steel cage that LoKi and Michaels would find themselves trapped in at Return to Glory - had begun lowering from the rafters. And by the time the wrestlers and the fans had realized it, it was too late. Lantlas, Grimm, Sadistic, and Michaels were now prisoners inside the PCW ring, and LoKi, Heavy Metal, Nacho Grande, and Usali Basilisk were effectively held at bay. And boy was everybody pissed! The bad guys wanted out, the good guys wanted in, and the fans wanted it all!
Skylar Marshall: You wanna see it?! Ha ha ha ha ha! You want the Battle for Immortality?! The Gauntlet for the Gold?! The Horrors and the Amigos tearing each other limb from limb?! How about Michaels and LoKi locked inside of THAT fifteen foot high steel cage?!
Each question drew a loud response from the fans. Idiots. They should've known Skylar Marshall would never give away even ONE of those great matches for free!
Skylar Marshall: Well you can! You can see it all! Two weeks from now! Only in the Pure Class Arena! Only on Pay-Per-View! Only...at Return...To...GLORY!
And with feuds separated by chain links and body parts kept intact...at least for a little while longer...the final Trauma before Return to Glory ended with another damn cliffhanger. Thanks a lot Mr. Marshall.
*CLICK*
Overview
Justin Kaard d. High Tide via pinfall
Andy D. d. Glyn Speight via pinfall
Non Compos Mentis & Tyrone Smith d. The Watcher & Areas via pinfall after NCM pinned Aeas
Pegasus d. Jeremy Bagwell via count-out
Lantlas, Justin Michaels, Nacho Grande, Heavy Metal, Grimm, Sadistic, Usali Basilisk, & LoKi wrestle to a draw
© 2011-2012 Pure Perfection Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
I would like to thank Roy, Rick, and JR for their help with the results this week. I'd also like to thank all those who have contributed to segments for this show. Return to Glory is shaping up to be a fantastic PPV.[/color]