Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2012 19:45:00 GMT -5
Amurica Day.
--
From the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew she had to be mine. She had everything that I needed, a beautiful face, a nice ass, everything...I bet she could even make a great pie. I first noticed her perched up on her lifeguard chair when I was slathering myself with sunscreen. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but in that very moment, shiny with white liquid, I looked quite sexy. More than sexy, fuck that, I managed to get every inch, under every flab and fold of fat, I managed to get it all covered, smothered in the white liquid.
I don't know what her name was, but she noticed me. I must've looked like a mermaid on my chair, luring her to her doom. She must know that this guy must've packed some serious heat. And despite how sexy I looked, despite the way she was eating her heart out and making a puddle of slobber (among other things) for me, I was angered. I was frusterated at the ungrateful Nacho Grande and Kaijin cowardly attacking me. At least when I attacked Nacho, I had the common decency and bravery to wait until he was fully turned around.
And when I said: "I hate all of you!" I was not, and I repeat not referring to Pure Class Wrestling. I was referring to foreigners. I don't know how many people know this, but I'm not a huge, huge fan of immigrants. I downright hate them. And for Nacho Grande and Kaijin to be as ungrateful for me letting them in my country, to attack me, during my favorite time of the year, that's a low blow. That's like Pearl Harbor. And to do it around the Fourth of July? Leave it to a Japanese, tentacle fucking, freak and a stupid, Backstreet Boy Mexican to pull this shit off.
But alas, it would all end for them when the Norse bastard and myself rid PCW of them. Loki kind of frightened me, he seemed quite goth, he was what was wrong with the new generation of Americans. He probably didn't look up to Reagan, but instead looked up to President Obama. He probably listened to shitty metal rather than Bruce Springsteen. But you know what? He was American, and I love that.
"Dude, you coming in?"
"FUCK OFF DIEGO"
"Jeez..."
Diego sat there with his water wings on. Poor lad didn't know how to swim for shit, but he still kept up. He tried at least. Jumping into the pool, I probably sent half of the water out with my cannon ball, but it was cool I guess. I shot a glare at Diego, "You start!" I was of course referring to Marco Polo (almost as American as the likes of Reagan and apple pie). "No, you tubby." Diego was really starting to push my fucking buttons.
"Listen motherfucker, I'll have you deported back to Puerto Rico"
"...Puerto Rico's in America you blubbery bastard."
"Agree to disagree..."
"Listen, if you start, I'll get that fiery chick that you were staring at to kiss you." Fuck! How did that bastard know? "How did you know?" Diego looked at me with disbelief filling his eyes, "how the fuck would I not be able to notice? You were staring at her for like five whole minutes." Bastard had me there.
"Okay, fine, but only if you pinky swear"
"Of course" Diego extended his right pinky and was met with mine. And with that, I went underwater and counted to ten. When I arose from the watery abyss, I shouted: "Marco!" No answer. That's odd, I believe the rules state that it is mandatory for him to yell Polo as a response. "Say Polo you brown ass fucker!" No response. Fuck it, I'm cheating.
Ducking my head underwater, I look and notice a pair of feminine legs, those must be Diego's. Grabbing out of them, I squish them and I hear a womanly scream, must be Diego. Then, I received a sharp slap to the face, maybe that wasn't Diego. "God damnit you bitch!" I look up to see an elderly Asian woman, shit, was that Kaijin's mom? Fuck. Closing my eyes once more, I continue walking forward, until my hand grabs onto something, it was squishy and was in a rod shape. Curiosity got the better of me as I looked down to see a log of turd in my hand. I immediately blacked out.
I don't know how long it was until I woke up, but when I did, I felt the warm, muscular body of a - oh shit, it must be her! I looked up, and it was the foxy looking life guard. I guess hormones must've gotten the best of her and she decided to jump on me when I was at my weakest, that's kind of kinky I guess. I mean, I get it, she's shy when she's around as sexy men as myself. Just to make sure that she knew it was mutual, I grabbed a bit of skin on her before trying to expose her ass. Then, for the second time today, I received another slap to the face.
"Oh femdom, I like that..."
"Get away from me you fucking freak!" She exclaimed, making everybody aware that she had changed her mind. "Maybe if you weren't on top of me sticking your tongue down my throat-" She looked at me, rage and anger filling her eyes as I sat up. "I was doing CPR! It's part of my job, to make sure beached whales like you don't die! Tell me your name!"
Standing up, I dusted myself off and walked to the exit. "Tell me your name so I can fucking report you for sexual harassment!" Boy, she made her intentions clear, the bimbo. Turning around, in the most Bond fashion, I said it...
"Areas...Chris Areas"
Doh!
--
From the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew she had to be mine. She had everything that I needed, a beautiful face, a nice ass, everything...I bet she could even make a great pie. I first noticed her perched up on her lifeguard chair when I was slathering myself with sunscreen. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but in that very moment, shiny with white liquid, I looked quite sexy. More than sexy, fuck that, I managed to get every inch, under every flab and fold of fat, I managed to get it all covered, smothered in the white liquid.
I don't know what her name was, but she noticed me. I must've looked like a mermaid on my chair, luring her to her doom. She must know that this guy must've packed some serious heat. And despite how sexy I looked, despite the way she was eating her heart out and making a puddle of slobber (among other things) for me, I was angered. I was frusterated at the ungrateful Nacho Grande and Kaijin cowardly attacking me. At least when I attacked Nacho, I had the common decency and bravery to wait until he was fully turned around.
And when I said: "I hate all of you!" I was not, and I repeat not referring to Pure Class Wrestling. I was referring to foreigners. I don't know how many people know this, but I'm not a huge, huge fan of immigrants. I downright hate them. And for Nacho Grande and Kaijin to be as ungrateful for me letting them in my country, to attack me, during my favorite time of the year, that's a low blow. That's like Pearl Harbor. And to do it around the Fourth of July? Leave it to a Japanese, tentacle fucking, freak and a stupid, Backstreet Boy Mexican to pull this shit off.
But alas, it would all end for them when the Norse bastard and myself rid PCW of them. Loki kind of frightened me, he seemed quite goth, he was what was wrong with the new generation of Americans. He probably didn't look up to Reagan, but instead looked up to President Obama. He probably listened to shitty metal rather than Bruce Springsteen. But you know what? He was American, and I love that.
"Dude, you coming in?"
"FUCK OFF DIEGO"
"Jeez..."
Diego sat there with his water wings on. Poor lad didn't know how to swim for shit, but he still kept up. He tried at least. Jumping into the pool, I probably sent half of the water out with my cannon ball, but it was cool I guess. I shot a glare at Diego, "You start!" I was of course referring to Marco Polo (almost as American as the likes of Reagan and apple pie). "No, you tubby." Diego was really starting to push my fucking buttons.
"Listen motherfucker, I'll have you deported back to Puerto Rico"
"...Puerto Rico's in America you blubbery bastard."
"Agree to disagree..."
"Listen, if you start, I'll get that fiery chick that you were staring at to kiss you." Fuck! How did that bastard know? "How did you know?" Diego looked at me with disbelief filling his eyes, "how the fuck would I not be able to notice? You were staring at her for like five whole minutes." Bastard had me there.
"Okay, fine, but only if you pinky swear"
"Of course" Diego extended his right pinky and was met with mine. And with that, I went underwater and counted to ten. When I arose from the watery abyss, I shouted: "Marco!" No answer. That's odd, I believe the rules state that it is mandatory for him to yell Polo as a response. "Say Polo you brown ass fucker!" No response. Fuck it, I'm cheating.
Ducking my head underwater, I look and notice a pair of feminine legs, those must be Diego's. Grabbing out of them, I squish them and I hear a womanly scream, must be Diego. Then, I received a sharp slap to the face, maybe that wasn't Diego. "God damnit you bitch!" I look up to see an elderly Asian woman, shit, was that Kaijin's mom? Fuck. Closing my eyes once more, I continue walking forward, until my hand grabs onto something, it was squishy and was in a rod shape. Curiosity got the better of me as I looked down to see a log of turd in my hand. I immediately blacked out.
I don't know how long it was until I woke up, but when I did, I felt the warm, muscular body of a - oh shit, it must be her! I looked up, and it was the foxy looking life guard. I guess hormones must've gotten the best of her and she decided to jump on me when I was at my weakest, that's kind of kinky I guess. I mean, I get it, she's shy when she's around as sexy men as myself. Just to make sure that she knew it was mutual, I grabbed a bit of skin on her before trying to expose her ass. Then, for the second time today, I received another slap to the face.
"Oh femdom, I like that..."
"Get away from me you fucking freak!" She exclaimed, making everybody aware that she had changed her mind. "Maybe if you weren't on top of me sticking your tongue down my throat-" She looked at me, rage and anger filling her eyes as I sat up. "I was doing CPR! It's part of my job, to make sure beached whales like you don't die! Tell me your name!"
Standing up, I dusted myself off and walked to the exit. "Tell me your name so I can fucking report you for sexual harassment!" Boy, she made her intentions clear, the bimbo. Turning around, in the most Bond fashion, I said it...
"Areas...Chris Areas"
Doh!