Diagnosis [Trauma 42]

[Barry Kemp]

Hello PCW, my name is 'The Unclaimed Angel' Ian Brody. I write columns. I let people know what they want to know and I don't hold anything back. Some call what I write 'controversial'. I call it news. If you are afraid to say it, let me know, I'll make sure it's said. I'm not afraid to push the envelope of hurt feelings. The fact of the matter is, no one likes me anyways. Heaven doesn't want me. Hell can't hold me. Thus my title as 'The Unclaimed Angel'.

So here I am. I have joined the ranks of PCW. I started off as a lowly column writer for IWL but the buzz had made it's rounds and here I am now. So what is 'Diagnosis'[/b]? 'Diagnosis'[/i] is my weekly 'diagnosis' on what has gone on on PCW television over the past week. So here I am with my first column which will be a rundown of the Trauma [42] show.

So why don't we get this over with...

PCW Tuesday Trauma
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Live on E! from the Pure Class Arena in Greenville, South Carolina
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Beginning...

The usual beginning? Sounds boring to me. Why don't we shake things up for once? This is my first show... but I already know that if this is the 'usual' then I am already bored. Why don't we invite Saosin, Thrice or even Haste the Day to start the show off with a theme song written for PCW. Something other than the 'usual'. 'Usual' just seems WAY too bland. But what do I know, I'm just a PCW fanboy.

Match 1 | Singles Match | Pegasus vs. "Unbreakable" Benjamin Banks[/u]

Benjamin Banks wins with the small package. (Stands up clapping) That is an amazing end to a match that was very entertaining up until that point. But what can you do when you are so evenly matched in the first place. Pegasus is a former PCW World Champion huh? Well he sure didn't prove much to me, but of course this is only match one. I'm sure in the coming weeks he'll do more to sway my belief in him. But at this point, Benjamin Banks looks like the real deal. Anyone who can beat a former PCW World Champion in a match definitely is above the bar in skill.

Match 2 | Singles Match | Blade Lionheart vs. "Wolverine" Anthony Douglas[/u]

OOOooooOOOOoooHHhhh! Old Laundry in a match. This one ought to be good. I love old rivalries rehashed. Obviously HHW did not pan out for these two if they are here. So obviously this rivalry or history really wasn't that great for them to have lost it and have to bring it back up here again. But anyways, I'll continue... Blade Lionheart almost got the win. But as the old cliche goes 'Close only counts in horshoe's and hand grenades'. Blade stopped Anthony Douglas from hitting his 'High Noon' and got a few moves in thinking it was enough, but I'm not a wrestler and even I know that's NEVER enough. Anthony Douglas takes over Benjamin Banks as my most impressive wrestler so far. Anthony dominated the beginning of this match and did it with MY style of wrestling. Just beating the hell out of him using objects not wrestling moves. He deserved that win and he definitely deserved to make Blade Lionheart tap out.

After Match 2 Happenings...[/u]

Apparently my initial assesment of this rivalry was wrong. Did you see that submission? The man tapped out and even then still it took FIFTEEN men to pull Anthony Douglas off of Blade Lionheart before both his legs were broken. That's bad ass in my opinion and further solidifies him as my number one wrestler of the week. That is SO far.

Match 3 | Singles Match | Non Compos Mentis vs. Brian "Atlas" McNight[/u]

Tough, Tough matchup. This was a great matchup. Back and forth and back and forth until finally something snapped in Brian McNight. I don't get it. You were NOT losing your match, you were actually in my opinion on top of Non Compos Mentis. And PS- what the hell does that stand for anyways? I may be a little out of the loop, but I am definitely confused by this guys wrestling persona. Is he Gladiator? Or Ra or egyptian lore? Anyways, McNight freaked and walked out on a great match. That pisses me off. He births himself in the last place spot of my weekly rankings... FOR SURE.

Jason & Destiny Strat...[/u]

Jason Willard has been fined four times for $45,000?! Good lord, this is worse than the No Fun League. What the hell has this guy done to deserve that? I mean the things I saw destroyed in this promo in itself are things that often need to be replaced anyways. In my opinion he is only trying to make PCW better. By destroying old equipment, new equipment is brought in, thus making the overall product of PCW better. How is that a problem? I don't know either.

Match 4 | Debut Match | Jade vs. "The One and Only" Geno (w/ Al Laiman)[/u]

Debut huh? Well either way it was a good one for Jade and not so much for Geno. Here he is, Mr. HHW himself who will be fighting for the PCW World title and he can't even beat a girl who is debuting just like he is. I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but maybe Jade should be taking his spot. I mean, sure he was distracted, but Ace Anderson's theme song should not be enough to keep a guy from winning a match. Jade used her smarts like she did the whole match and was able to beat Geno. This proves in my mind that a good plan will beat going into the ring and just trying to overpower someone ANYDAY. Geno... good luck in your World Title match, clear your head or your really gonna need that luck.

Match 5 | Non-Title No Interference Match |
"The Enigma" Seth Sinn {Tag Team Champion} vs. American Nightmare[/u]

Some Tag Champ. Lost the match in under five minutes? That's sad, especially when you are facing a man with less PCW experience than you. American Nightmare didn't really impress me too much either. Guess I just was wishing for a longer match cause I definitely didn't get what I was wishing for.

Aftermath of Match 5...[/u]

Lantlas is a party pooper I have decided. Nightmare 2 Society was just giving Seth Sinn a reason to think about half assing matches and Lantlas decides to stop the lesson early. I'm sure they would have stopped before anyone got hurt. But no, we never got the chance to find that one out. And what's Nightmare 2 Society's fetish with legs. I know that ZZ Top had a fetish with legs, but these guys are taking it a bit too far I think.

Match 6 | Singles Match | "Mr. Showtime" Mikey Wryght vs. The Prophet

Houdini is a part of PCW. I'm impressed. That was possibly the best dissappearing act I have seen in a long time. That was actually shaping up as the best match I had seen the whole night. Turns out the ending spoiled it for me. So I'll still give those honors to the Opening Bout[/b] between Pegasus and Benjamin Banks. Disappointment is all I have for this match. Where the hell did 'Showtime' go and why? That's all I want to know.

Lantlas/Prophet Strat backstage

A countout win is rewarded with a chance to fight in a Tag Team Title match at the PPV. That's impressive. I wonder what the Pres has in store for all the other winners of the night. Probably nothing, cause it doesn't seem that things go fairly here in PCW. Lantlas is allowed to break up other people's parties in the ring. Jason Willard is fined for trying to help PCW have a better show. What else is new, stripping people of titles for losing by DQ? Oooh... I better write that one down and submit it to Luis Malave. From what I see, that is a viable option.

Match 7 | World Championship Match | Ace Anderson {Champion} versus The Byrd

Tough Tough match. These two actually showed what this night was all about. Wrestling. And they actually did it. Wrestled. Ace Anderson deserves to be champion in my opinion. That was a great showing and with a great showing comes a great ranking. Number one. And to the loser also goes the spoils with me. The Byrd may not have won, but damnit, he did his best. Sure that's not a win and a number two ranking from me PROBABLY doesn't matter to him. But the fact of the matter is. He desereves it. How come Geno is above Byrd? Just a question...

Match 8 | Non Title No Interference Match
Lantlas {Tag Team Champion} vs. "The Anarchist" Jason Willard

Jason Willard = Overhyped. What the hell man? I thought you were about to wipe the floor with this elvish joke. Apparently the only joke was me thinking you were what you were saying you were. I hope that in the coming weeks I am proved wrong, but so far I like you out of the ring more than in. Lantlas, don't take my elvish joke comment too literally. I just calls 'em likes I sees 'em. Get a haircut and lose the makeup and you got yourself one of the hottest commodities in the PCW. The fans will love you, especially the ladies. But for now, continue as champion and don't care what I say, cause in the end, what does it really matter?

After Main Event Fracas[[/u]

Ok hold on ONE second. The lights go out and Prophet appears with Lantlas at the top of the ramp when the lights come back on. Anyone else see something wrong with this? Earlier in the show the lights went off and Mikey Wryght was missing and Prophet was given the win. Should he still have the win considering now it is obvious that he was the reason that Mikey was gone? This is a travesty that people get away with things like this. Only thing that does make sense about this ending is that Prophet be a tag partner with Lantlas. After all, both of them like to crash parties. Obviously Nightmare 2 Society once again was only beating Lantlas to make him stronger and have more stamina in the end. Guess Prophet didn't see it that way... party pooper.


Unclaimed Trauma [42] Rankings[/size]
#1 Ace Anderson
#2 The Byrd
#3 'Wolverine' Anthony Douglas
#4 Lantlas
#5 Benjamin Banks
#6 American Nightmare
#7 Non Compos Mentis
#8 The Prophet
#9 Jade
#10 'The Anarchist' Jason Willard
#11 Geno
#12 Pegasus
#13 Blade Lionheart
#14 'Mr. Showtime' Mikey Wryght
#15 'The Enigma' Seth Sinn
#16 Brian 'Atlas' McNight

Until next time, I'm 'The Unclaimed Angel' Ian Brody and what I say is the truth whether you like it or not. So go have a beer and stop crying. Get over it, maybe next week I'll like you. I'm pretty fickle like that. Until next time... Adios.