Post by Lantlas on Nov 8, 2012 10:57:07 GMT -5
I wrote this article after the ridiculous reaction I saw from the election results on all sides. I think you'll realize from the tone that this is meant to be satirical, so please don't post any butthurt comments, because everyone got made fun of.
With the Presidential Election of 2012 seeing the re-election of Barack Obama, there are conflicting emotions across the political arena. At a time where we’re told the nation hasn’t been this polarized since the Civil War, the reaction isn’t surprising. At the time of this writing, the election has been over for less than 24 hours, and I’ve seen both extremes all over the media, not to mention my own Facebook wall. Let me see if I can categorize them.
-Liberal Obama Democratic Voter- Four more years! Ohmygod, everything has been so super special awesome for the last four years, and I can’t wait! This time since he doesn’t have to worry about being re-elected, he’s going to give us everything we wanted, gay immigrants will have their rent paid, and the wealthy will be tortured publicly on Wall Street while Bruce Springsteen throws a free concert! Then I can go get my free Obama cell phone and download the newest Michael Moore documentary for free and share it with all my liberal friends since all those conservative people wouldn’t even know how to spell his name!
-Conservative Romney Republican Voter- I can’t believe it! This country is so stupid! You all put in a socialist communist secret Muslim Kenyan terrorist for the second time, and anyone who doesn’t agree with that is un-American. I’m moving to Canada/Brazil/Australia/Ireland/Antarctica because pretty soon Obama will repeal the Second Amendment and take 100 percent of my paycheck and give it to someone on food stamps! I don’t think the country will make it to Tuesday!
-Independent Johnson/Other Candidate Voter- Even though I knew my candidate wasn’t going to win, I’m superior to all of you because I rejected both party platforms! I feel so superior to anyone who would be mainstream enough to vote for either candidate, because I actually considered the issues and neither one of them even began to address them! I guess I better be prepared to pay six bucks for a latte at Starbucks now, since Wall Street wins no matter who’s in the office! Ron Paul 2016!
And of course…
-Person Proud of Not Voting and Bragging About It- Yeah, I didn’t vote, so what? I have the right to not participate in your grimy process, despite the fact that I’m going to complain about the results of the election, no matter what! Don’t yell at me for not exercising my right as an American! All the candidates are idiots and exactly the same, and even though saying that shows that I paid no attention whatsoever, I’m indignant about it and look down on anyone who did something stupid like using the one way we have as Americans to make our voices heard! Yeah, I know some people around the world don’t even have the right to vote, but just because other people are starving around the world doesn’t mean I’m going to finish my dinner! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go write a status blaming Obama for gas prices, because I’m sure you idiots voted for him just so that he’d raise my pump bill.
Republicans, calm down. First of all, socialism and communism are not the same thing. Second of all, you’re not leaving the country, and we all know that. Third, Obama’s not coming to take your guns any more than he did the first time around, so relax. The hyperbole is running rampant and it’s tempting to fall into a doomsday mindset just because you’ve lost two straight elections, but don’t. To those of you who think that America is ruined and that liberals are out to somehow destroy the country, I have only this to say… Your most recent candidate ran on the platform of “Believe in America.” I don’t believe it had the modifier of: “Unless I don’t like the President.” Have more faith in your country than that, since you’re always arguing that America is the greatest country in the world and is just so star-spangled awesome that it can do no wrong, no matter what.
Democrats, don’t you dare start gloating or laughing at the way the Republicans are acting. While your big trend this year was using the “Romnesia” argument, don’t let your memories erase everything before 2008. While you’re having a little Schaudenfreude and tuning in to FOX News just to see the overreacting on BMN (look it up), don’t forget that a mere eight years ago, you were saying the exact same things. When George W. Bush won his second term, all the liberals were supposedly going to leave the country for Canada or France because we were getting a second dose of Hee-Haw during the State of the Union address. You’re just as guilty of overreacting, and while it may feel good to be on the other side of this after two Bush terms and the Tea Party surge in 2010, you did the same things for which you’re laughing at them now, remember that.
Independents, I respect your position of trying to change the system and get a third or fourth party into serious contention for the United States Presidency. With the election of Angus King in Maine, it’s possible that in a few years, that may become more realistic. But acting like a hipster over it isn’t going to help your cause any. Holding this superiority sign over your head because you’re somehow “above” the system doesn’t make anyone say, “Gee, I really want to consider what this person might have to say.” It says, “This person’s a douchenozzle and I automatically connect that word with everyone he endorsed now.”
Non-voters, I wrote an article about voter apathy, hoping to reach some of you who would otherwise consider not participating. Yes, you do have the right to not vote and not face a lot of consequences, but to somehow feel above anyone who did just befuddles me. Why would you be proud of not participating in the process and then brag about how you still have the right to complain about results? You did nothing to affect them, but somehow maintain the idea that you should complain about what everyone else did? Does it somehow make you feel cleaner, because you don’t attach yourself to the “dirty” world of politics? It disappoints me that while many around the world fighting for this basic right, you hear all about it and say, “Yeah, I’m too good to be involved In that.”
The bottom line is, yes, half of the country was very happy to re-elect Obama, and half of the country was ready to enshrine America’s tombstone before the sun was up. Let’s leave all that garbage behind and look at some of the good things.
-The political attack ads on both sides are now gone for the foreseeable future. I know the next election has already started, but with four years until the next Presidential election, that buys us at least six or seven weeks before people start vying for the primary spots.
-Candidates and supporters won’t be robo-calling you, emailing you, or bothering you in the grocery store parking lot. Eight million signs on the side of the road are going to be gone pretty soon, and all of the watercooler arguments about why the other person is an idiot for disagreeing with them are going away for a few weeks. Now it of course is replaced with why the other person is an idiot for voting the way they wouldn’t, but at least it’s a change of topic, albeit slight.
-Without being forced onto different sides due to our political allegiances, we can now go back to all being Americans. Yes, we are all Americans. No one is less of an American for having a different opinion than you, and I say that to all sides of this vast political wasteland. We work with each other every day. We sit next to each other in class, we walk down the halls by one another, and we share the same cafeteria. The great thing about this country is that we have the right to get together and decide who our leader is going to be, and complaining about that leader won’t get you zipped into a black bag and permanently carted off by the men in black suits.
America, I’m hoping we’ll eventually get to the point where we’re not going to war with each other over ideological differences, because the truth is, most of us pretty much want the same thing; what is best for our country, each other, and our children. Let’s go back to being friends and not ripping each other’s heads off because we might see things differently than someone else. I like that America better than the bickering teenage bathroom spats we all become every fourth November.
With the Presidential Election of 2012 seeing the re-election of Barack Obama, there are conflicting emotions across the political arena. At a time where we’re told the nation hasn’t been this polarized since the Civil War, the reaction isn’t surprising. At the time of this writing, the election has been over for less than 24 hours, and I’ve seen both extremes all over the media, not to mention my own Facebook wall. Let me see if I can categorize them.
-Liberal Obama Democratic Voter- Four more years! Ohmygod, everything has been so super special awesome for the last four years, and I can’t wait! This time since he doesn’t have to worry about being re-elected, he’s going to give us everything we wanted, gay immigrants will have their rent paid, and the wealthy will be tortured publicly on Wall Street while Bruce Springsteen throws a free concert! Then I can go get my free Obama cell phone and download the newest Michael Moore documentary for free and share it with all my liberal friends since all those conservative people wouldn’t even know how to spell his name!
-Conservative Romney Republican Voter- I can’t believe it! This country is so stupid! You all put in a socialist communist secret Muslim Kenyan terrorist for the second time, and anyone who doesn’t agree with that is un-American. I’m moving to Canada/Brazil/Australia/Ireland/Antarctica because pretty soon Obama will repeal the Second Amendment and take 100 percent of my paycheck and give it to someone on food stamps! I don’t think the country will make it to Tuesday!
-Independent Johnson/Other Candidate Voter- Even though I knew my candidate wasn’t going to win, I’m superior to all of you because I rejected both party platforms! I feel so superior to anyone who would be mainstream enough to vote for either candidate, because I actually considered the issues and neither one of them even began to address them! I guess I better be prepared to pay six bucks for a latte at Starbucks now, since Wall Street wins no matter who’s in the office! Ron Paul 2016!
And of course…
-Person Proud of Not Voting and Bragging About It- Yeah, I didn’t vote, so what? I have the right to not participate in your grimy process, despite the fact that I’m going to complain about the results of the election, no matter what! Don’t yell at me for not exercising my right as an American! All the candidates are idiots and exactly the same, and even though saying that shows that I paid no attention whatsoever, I’m indignant about it and look down on anyone who did something stupid like using the one way we have as Americans to make our voices heard! Yeah, I know some people around the world don’t even have the right to vote, but just because other people are starving around the world doesn’t mean I’m going to finish my dinner! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go write a status blaming Obama for gas prices, because I’m sure you idiots voted for him just so that he’d raise my pump bill.
Republicans, calm down. First of all, socialism and communism are not the same thing. Second of all, you’re not leaving the country, and we all know that. Third, Obama’s not coming to take your guns any more than he did the first time around, so relax. The hyperbole is running rampant and it’s tempting to fall into a doomsday mindset just because you’ve lost two straight elections, but don’t. To those of you who think that America is ruined and that liberals are out to somehow destroy the country, I have only this to say… Your most recent candidate ran on the platform of “Believe in America.” I don’t believe it had the modifier of: “Unless I don’t like the President.” Have more faith in your country than that, since you’re always arguing that America is the greatest country in the world and is just so star-spangled awesome that it can do no wrong, no matter what.
Democrats, don’t you dare start gloating or laughing at the way the Republicans are acting. While your big trend this year was using the “Romnesia” argument, don’t let your memories erase everything before 2008. While you’re having a little Schaudenfreude and tuning in to FOX News just to see the overreacting on BMN (look it up), don’t forget that a mere eight years ago, you were saying the exact same things. When George W. Bush won his second term, all the liberals were supposedly going to leave the country for Canada or France because we were getting a second dose of Hee-Haw during the State of the Union address. You’re just as guilty of overreacting, and while it may feel good to be on the other side of this after two Bush terms and the Tea Party surge in 2010, you did the same things for which you’re laughing at them now, remember that.
Independents, I respect your position of trying to change the system and get a third or fourth party into serious contention for the United States Presidency. With the election of Angus King in Maine, it’s possible that in a few years, that may become more realistic. But acting like a hipster over it isn’t going to help your cause any. Holding this superiority sign over your head because you’re somehow “above” the system doesn’t make anyone say, “Gee, I really want to consider what this person might have to say.” It says, “This person’s a douchenozzle and I automatically connect that word with everyone he endorsed now.”
Non-voters, I wrote an article about voter apathy, hoping to reach some of you who would otherwise consider not participating. Yes, you do have the right to not vote and not face a lot of consequences, but to somehow feel above anyone who did just befuddles me. Why would you be proud of not participating in the process and then brag about how you still have the right to complain about results? You did nothing to affect them, but somehow maintain the idea that you should complain about what everyone else did? Does it somehow make you feel cleaner, because you don’t attach yourself to the “dirty” world of politics? It disappoints me that while many around the world fighting for this basic right, you hear all about it and say, “Yeah, I’m too good to be involved In that.”
The bottom line is, yes, half of the country was very happy to re-elect Obama, and half of the country was ready to enshrine America’s tombstone before the sun was up. Let’s leave all that garbage behind and look at some of the good things.
-The political attack ads on both sides are now gone for the foreseeable future. I know the next election has already started, but with four years until the next Presidential election, that buys us at least six or seven weeks before people start vying for the primary spots.
-Candidates and supporters won’t be robo-calling you, emailing you, or bothering you in the grocery store parking lot. Eight million signs on the side of the road are going to be gone pretty soon, and all of the watercooler arguments about why the other person is an idiot for disagreeing with them are going away for a few weeks. Now it of course is replaced with why the other person is an idiot for voting the way they wouldn’t, but at least it’s a change of topic, albeit slight.
-Without being forced onto different sides due to our political allegiances, we can now go back to all being Americans. Yes, we are all Americans. No one is less of an American for having a different opinion than you, and I say that to all sides of this vast political wasteland. We work with each other every day. We sit next to each other in class, we walk down the halls by one another, and we share the same cafeteria. The great thing about this country is that we have the right to get together and decide who our leader is going to be, and complaining about that leader won’t get you zipped into a black bag and permanently carted off by the men in black suits.
America, I’m hoping we’ll eventually get to the point where we’re not going to war with each other over ideological differences, because the truth is, most of us pretty much want the same thing; what is best for our country, each other, and our children. Let’s go back to being friends and not ripping each other’s heads off because we might see things differently than someone else. I like that America better than the bickering teenage bathroom spats we all become every fourth November.
