Post by Andy D on May 29, 2014 18:45:29 GMT -5
Yes, it’s me again, Menace, back once again for the renegade master, D4 damager, power to the people. Back once again, err… sorry about that, got carried away. I’m back on the blogging trail, and I don’t have a lot of time to dedicate this week due to the release of one of the most highly anticipated games since GTA 5. Which of course Jackle is completely addicted to.
And so am I.
Where does the line between sharing your personal info online end and invasion of privacy begin? Watch Dogs has you exploring that exact question before you realise you walked so far past it you have no idea where it is anymore. The ability to look into peoples private lives does sound cool on first glance and it makes me wonder, if we had that ability what would we see if we looked in on the lives of the PCW stars.
Perhaps we’d see Guybrush Threepwood cooking his famous fish stew, with nothing but Fish, Rum and Grog (a beverage which may also be made with rum). Or we might view in on Sugar Rush Barbie and her new squeeze Mumbo Jumbo as they get ready to paint the town red, blue, green, pink, grey, orange and any other colour paint can they can get their hands on. Or maybe we see inside Non-Prophet’s home watching Erika carve up some teenage runaway in a ritualistic sacrifice to enhance her sexual pleasure…
Ok, maybe it’s a good thing we don’t have that kind of ability.
So back on track... well not back on track as I was never on track to begin with. This upcoming Trauma sees the Last Chance Battle Royal with almost everybody who is eligible for entry into the Icicle Tournament and hasn’t already qualified for a place. It includes several people who failed their qualifying match up the first time around along with all the brand new talent who’s just starting out around here.
Has anybody else noticed that a very large amount of the brand new talent happens to be females of a… certain age? I mean, that’s a coincidence right? I mean, it’s not like this new boss is trying to make some kind of “Charlie’s Angles” thing… wait, that’s actually genius. Why the hell did we never think of that before? Instead of hiring Andy to do our wresting for us, we could have had 3 hot babes. Jackle could have been the mysterious voice on the speaker and I could have been the dopy driver sidekick guy (who nobody really noticed until he was played by Bill Murray in the film).
Speaking of our boy Andy, he too is in this Battle Royal. Now, due to the fact that me and Jackle have had a lot of experience in these kinds of matches, being in one every other show, I thought I’d note down all the important things to remember for his reference.
Here are my top 10 tips for Battle Royal matches.
So there you have it. Follow those 10 short and easy to remember steps, and you’ll be winning that Battle Royal in no time. Now, back to snooping into other peoples lives. I wonder what kind of curtains the Hurrricane hangs up?
And so am I.
Where does the line between sharing your personal info online end and invasion of privacy begin? Watch Dogs has you exploring that exact question before you realise you walked so far past it you have no idea where it is anymore. The ability to look into peoples private lives does sound cool on first glance and it makes me wonder, if we had that ability what would we see if we looked in on the lives of the PCW stars.
Perhaps we’d see Guybrush Threepwood cooking his famous fish stew, with nothing but Fish, Rum and Grog (a beverage which may also be made with rum). Or we might view in on Sugar Rush Barbie and her new squeeze Mumbo Jumbo as they get ready to paint the town red, blue, green, pink, grey, orange and any other colour paint can they can get their hands on. Or maybe we see inside Non-Prophet’s home watching Erika carve up some teenage runaway in a ritualistic sacrifice to enhance her sexual pleasure…
Ok, maybe it’s a good thing we don’t have that kind of ability.
So back on track... well not back on track as I was never on track to begin with. This upcoming Trauma sees the Last Chance Battle Royal with almost everybody who is eligible for entry into the Icicle Tournament and hasn’t already qualified for a place. It includes several people who failed their qualifying match up the first time around along with all the brand new talent who’s just starting out around here.
Has anybody else noticed that a very large amount of the brand new talent happens to be females of a… certain age? I mean, that’s a coincidence right? I mean, it’s not like this new boss is trying to make some kind of “Charlie’s Angles” thing… wait, that’s actually genius. Why the hell did we never think of that before? Instead of hiring Andy to do our wresting for us, we could have had 3 hot babes. Jackle could have been the mysterious voice on the speaker and I could have been the dopy driver sidekick guy (who nobody really noticed until he was played by Bill Murray in the film).
Speaking of our boy Andy, he too is in this Battle Royal. Now, due to the fact that me and Jackle have had a lot of experience in these kinds of matches, being in one every other show, I thought I’d note down all the important things to remember for his reference.
Here are my top 10 tips for Battle Royal matches.
- Despite how it sounds, a Battle Royal is not a sandwich you can get from a fast food restaurant. Disappointing but true.
- The odds are always against you. You have but one shot at winning, and however many opponents there are at losing. More opponents, worse odd. Its math, which makes it fact!
- Everybody is going over the top rope at some point in the match. Now granting, in some cases, one person will some how avoid it, but in general everybody is going to go arse over tit as they get sent across the top rope and out of the ring.
- Being thrown over the top rope does not mean you have lost. You have to have both feet touch the ground on the outside before that happens. Landing on the apron, landing on only one foot or landing on your back with your legs high up in the air all avoid being eliminated. Granted, it’s hard to land intentionally on the middle option and near impossible to get back up and into the ring without both feet hitting the floor on the last one, but they are all options to consider when you grab some air outside the ring.
- If you can’t send someone over the ropes instantly, don’t bother doing it. Trying to struggle lifting someone over the ropes only leaves you open to someone grabbing you from behind and throwing you over too. If you’re lucky, both you and the guy your trying to eliminate will both go out of the match. If your not, that guy will survive while security escorts you to the back.
- If you see anybody ignoring tip 5, do not hesitate to go up behind them and help them over the ropes. It’s perfectly legal, tactically sound and hey, they were basically asking for it.
- You are allowed to have friends or allies during a Battle Royal and over the course of the match, you may make some. But remember the Battle Royal is like the Highlander, there can only be one. Sooner or latter you and your new friend will have to duke it out to see who’s head goes flying (over the top rope, still attached to the body… of course)
- Never worry about if someone may be about to come up and attack you while your working on beating up somebody else. The truth is there is always someone about to attack you while you’re not paying attention to them, and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. So no need to worry about it.
- You don’t have to be the last man standing to win the match. As long as the second to last guy has gone over the top rope and had both feet touch the floor, you can be the last man lying down in the ring or the last man dancing a merry jig, the match will end if you’re not actually standing at that point.
- Do not pay attention to any of my advice. I never won a Battle Royal match, why the bloody hell would you pay attention to my advice. Fragging fool.
So there you have it. Follow those 10 short and easy to remember steps, and you’ll be winning that Battle Royal in no time. Now, back to snooping into other peoples lives. I wonder what kind of curtains the Hurrricane hangs up?
