Post by Nathan Saniti on May 31, 2014 15:29:10 GMT -5
The Dark Arcana – Chapter 21: The World
Nathan and “Dollface” Kelli Starr were in a wooded area, staring at a large, magnificent tree. The trunk was wide enough that, if hollowed out, a human could stand inside it without touching the outer layer. It was a regal and ancient looking plant, leaving Kelli in a state of near awe. Nathan peered at her, soaking in the company of the beautiful woman, dressed in her pink and purple (but mostly purple today) outfit. The colors seemed angry at each other, yet they meshed nicely around her shapely curves. Kelli glanced over, caught Nathan’s eye, and blushed adorably.
“What?” she whispered coyly.
Nathan straightened his glance, realizing he had been staring at her. “I apologize, my dear.” He shuffled his feet a bit, almost as if he were uncomfortable. “I shouldn’t have been staring for so long. It…” he stammered, “It has been a while since I’ve taken the company of such beauty as you.” This caused Kelli to turn a candy apple red in her complexion. Nathan backpedaled even more to try and make the situation clearer. “I mean, I shouldn’t take such designs upon the love interest of a dear friend.”
Kelli’s face regained its normal color, even through her now confused gaze. “What do you mean?”
“Are you not the love interest of my single letter friend, Q?”
Kelli snorted just a bit before a small fit of laughter overtook her. “Is that why you’ve been so… careful around me?”
“Indeed that is most of it, yes.”
“Q and I are just friends. I mean, I know what some people thought before, and even I...” Kelli’s eyes fall to the ground for the briefest of seconds before glancing back over to Nathan, a true smile curving her lips. “Well, that doesn’t matter now. He genuinely loves everyone, but I’m not sure if he’s even wired to look at people with that OTHER love.” Kelli took Nathan’s hand in hers. “You don’t need to worry about upsetting him.” Nathan smiled his odd little grin, but Kelli could tell there was more to this than just that little revelation. “What else is bothering you?”
“Other than the inexperience I’ve had with the fairer sex in so many years, I worry about what might happen if I take you to my world.”
“You let me worry about that,” informed Kelli without hesitation.
Nathan steeled himself, puffing up his chest with resolve. “If you’re sure then?”
“Yeppers.” Kelli could barely contain her excitement. “How many others have seen your world?”
“Counting Q and yourself? Two.” Nathan rapped on the tree with his cane. A bright white line of light began to trace what seemed to be the shape of a door. Starting on the right side, it shot straight up, made a left turn only NASCAR fans could be jealous of, and continued for a couple of feet before turning left again and descending down to the ground. As it returned to the dirt, a knob appeared from thin air on the left side of the door. Nathan gave it a twist, pulling it open. With a loud clatter, a tangle of brooms, mops and various cleaning utensils spilled out of the portal and onto the forest floor. “Blast!”
“SUPPLIES!” groaned the tree with great jocularity. Kelli was nearly speechless upon hearing a tree speak, and then she began to giggle.
Nathan glowered at the tree nonplussed. He gathered the cleaning supplies, shoving them back into the doorway. “I would have to pick a tree from the Wise Acre Farms.” He yanked the knob out, this time placing it on the right side. Opening the gateway, a brilliant light shone from inside, almost blinding the pair before their retinas could adjust. Nathan motioned for Kelli to peek inside.
Right in front of her eyes unfolded a vast mansion. (It wasn’t an avast mansion, because Nathan wasn’t sure if she’d get sea sick.) She carefully stepped inside, not knowing what to expect. “Oh. My. Fu..”
Nathan politely put a single finger over her mouth, killing the word on her lips. “Please don’t drop the f-bomb here. My insurance agent would not be happy if I had to make another claim.” Nathan stepped inside, standing tall and proud. “You see, my dear… My world is quite literal in its reality. Clichés and wordsmithing can create some very interesting circumstances. My world depends upon it for its very existence.” Kelli was in awe as she took in the scenery. The Victorian décor gave his home an almost regal appearance. As wide in spanse as it was in height, it nearly appeared to have no end in any direction. “Everything is a matter of perspective in here. For instance…” Nathan pointed at a door across the hallway from them. It looked gigantic and heavy. Taking her hand in his, he led her to the door, which grew smaller with each step until they stood next to what was now a miniscule portal no larger than a doggie door. Nathan curtly rapped on it with his cane. “I wish to introduce you to a very dear friend of mine.”
Small footsteps skittered to the door. It opened up, revealing what seemed to be a female rabbit standing on her haunches, dressed in a blue checkered apron, blue ribbons on her ears, and drying her hands upon a tiny little towel. “Yes?” She followed two pair of shoes up to their owners. She seemed a bit surprised about seeing the female form, but not at all taken aback by Nathan. “Why hello, Nathan!” she exclaimed in a cute little high pitched voice. “It’s so good to see you.”
“I do apologize if I’ve interrupted something, Mrs. O’Hare. May I introduce to you Miss Kelli Starr?”
“You may indeed.” The furry little creature extended her paw outward. Kelli slowly knelt to meet her handshake. “How do you do?”
“Pleased to meet you,” responded Kelli.
They broke their brief grasp as Mrs. O’Hare returned her attention to Nathan. “Would you like me to get Tarrant for you dear?”
“If you don’t mind.” Nathan bent down and kissed her on the paw, which made her giggle like a school girl.
“You’re such a terrible flirt. I’m so glad to have the REAL you back.” She spun on her dwelling and hopped off to find Tarrant as Nathan righted himself.
“That’s another thing I must address with you, my dear,” Nathan stated with caution. “I’m not so sure you should be too trusting with me.”
Kelli looked at him as if she were a dog that had just been shown a card trick. “What do you mean?”
Nathan sighed deeply. “I can only repair as much damage that the OTHER me did as people will allow me.”
“Nathan, I…”
“And I worry that I may still not be quite myself.”
“Explain, please.”
“Take my match last week for instance. I thought I had my match won against one of our would-be opponents this week, Miss Stacy Jones. Once she kicked out of my coup de grace, I was shocked. In my arrogance, I began to argue with the referee, something that is truly uncharacteristic of me. During that time, I allowed my guard to be dropped; Miss Jones took advantage, and got the win. What’s worse is I nearly acted belligerently.”
Kelli shook her head with a smirk. The smirk took her a bit off-guard when it began to move on its own. She wiped it away, placing a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “Nathan, in this business, it happens to all of us. I’m sure people were equally surprised when I got a ‘W’ over Eira. I’m just glad she didn’t kill me to death.”
“And this week…” Nathan was interrupted by a pair of elephants made completely of matches sauntered by, the song of “The Baby Elephant Walk,” by the Henry Mancini Orchestra playing in the background. Kelli looked on in wonder. Nathan simply smiled and explained. “Match elephants. They come around nearly any time I speak of PCW for some reason.” Nathan and Kelli watched as the critters slowly made their way off into the distance. Just then, an odd-looking greenish man, sprinted to catch up to them, pausing long enough to angrily show the pair his sign reading, “Stop the N. Saniti! Match Elephants Should Be Free!”
“Where was I?” Nathan shook off the distraction. “Ah yes. This week, we face not only Miss Jones, but a very capable Mr. Justin Stormuhmuh. I simply fear I may let you down or allow you to get injured.”
“Stormuhmuh?” Kelli giggled again. “Why do you call him that?”
“Are both ‘M’s’ not supposed to be pronounced?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh.”
Kelli hugged Nathan gently. “We’ll just have to do the best we can. That’s all anyone can ask of us, yanno.”
Just then, another small voice cleared his throat in the miniscule doorway. “Am I interrupting something?”
Nathan and Kelli looked down, breaking their friendly embrace to see Tarrant in all his furry glory. His waistcoat made him look dapper as usual, the cigar in his mouth subtracting from the effect nicely. Nathan smoothed himself over as Kelli stood shoulder to shoulder with him. “Tarrant, I’d like you to meet Miss Kelli Starr. Kelli, this is Tarrant, my oldest and dearest friend.”
The two shook hand (paws) and Kelli stood upright. Tarrant found her smirk and placed it on his own face. “You know… Now that she’s seen me here, she’ll be able to see me in the PCW world too.”
“A mistake that I am happy to have made,” Nathan responded. “I shan’t take up too much of your time, dear friend. I just wished to introduce you and your lovely wife to Miss Starr. I have something special I wish to show her.”
Tarrant inhaled deeply on his cigar, taking all of Kelli in without looking judgmental. Politely, he exhaled his smoke away from his guests. “You kids have fun and be careful.” He waved his paw at the pair as they turned to go.
As they disappeared down the never-ending hallway, Mrs. O’Hare rejoined her spouse in watching them leave. “She seemed nice. It’s so good to see Nathan have a woman with him after all these millennia.”
Tarrant narrowed his eyes, perhaps a bit jealous. He quickly checked his body in a panic just to make sure he hadn’t, in fact been bitten by the little green monster. None were to be found, so he breathed in a sigh of relief. “Yes. I think her colorful attitude will do Nathan some good after what he’s been through. It may even be the very thing that saves him soon.”
“I wonder if he knows.”
“I doubt it. That’s something he’ll have to discover on his own.”
Nathan and Kelli sauntered down the hall, Nathan having a particular destination in mind. “To circumnavigate my world,” he began, “you need only think of where you wish to go. Have you ever heard of the artist M. C. Escher?” Kelli nodded briefly. “It was he who actually brought a bit of organization to my chaotic world.” They rounded a corner that wasn’t there just a few short sentences ago to see an archway that opened up into Nathan’s favorite room, The Impossible Staircase. Kelli stood in wonder as Nathan led her inside. “Every conceivable thing that has ever been brought to life in books, television, what have you, exists on this realm. You need only find the correct door.”
Silently, Kelli reached for the nearest portal to open, but Nathan stopped her cold. He pointed his cane above the door where a placard dictated that it belong to a place called Derry, Maine. He slowly shook his head. “You MUST be careful. This particular entry leads into the world created by Mr. Stephen King. There are many horrific things beyond that wooden gateway.” An epiphany struck Nathan, causing him to rub his head indignantly. “I simply MUST get those things under control somehow.” It flew back above Nathan’s head as if in apology and lit up like a bulb. “I believe I have JUST the world for you.” Nathan led Kelli up on flight, upside down another, and sideways to a door marked “Wonka/Candyland.” Kelli smiled from ear to ear with excitement, jumping up and down and clapping her hands with glee. (What the cast of Glee was doing here clapping their hands, no one knows.) “This seems to be a bit more suited to your liking. Shall we?” Nathan pushed the lever to open the latch.
The door groaned open with a low creak of “DIABEEEEEEEEEEETUS.”
Nathan held up a finger to his guest. “Please remember two things, my dear. First, everything here is edible. Absolutely everything. However, some of these things may come with a price if you ingest it. And secondly, don’t stray too far from me. If you do, you may become lost and might not be able to find the doorway back. And finally, don’t overdo it. You’ll spoil your appetite. A spoiled appetite can be a nuisance in public.” Kelli nodded her agreement, though Nathan wondered if she had heard him at all. “Also, we must be wary for Snozzwangers, Wangdoodles and Vermicious Knids. Now… Let’s enjoy our day.” The two stepped through the open door, closing it behind them. Kelli was almost gushing with anticipation. Or it could have been strawberry jam. Only she knows for certain.
