Post by Derek Cosmos on Jul 26, 2014 12:19:19 GMT -5
If you're reading this, then you failed.
That's right, I (we???) said it. You failed.
It was supposed to be so simple: collect cash, debut, and then help Andy D win The Icemann Invitational so that it impresses Melina Cruz and she falls madly in-love with him. Then all you had to do was backstab Andy D and steal his woman, then save the World.
If history is (was???) right, you: went in, collected cash, and then cost Andy D two matches in a row.
<...Oh, and there’s also the whole Melina’s dead now thing too. Way to screw that one up, DC.>
But all hope is not lost. You still have an opportunity to right your wrongs. You’ll need to get your finely-manicured fingers on the prototype treadmill Doctor Robert Bruce and Mr. Wayne Quinton created back in the 1950s, but you were able to do it at least once before, so I don’t see why it’d be impossible to do it again.
<Dr. Bruce and Mr. Wayne(comma Quinton). Bruce Wayne. Heh. Batman lives….in Derek Cosmos. *Cheesy Smile* Yes. I wrote cheesy smile. You can’t see a cheesy smile in a letter, genius.>
It’s not going to be easy. You’re going to need to gain a few allies. If I’m not mistaken, Andy D probably doesn’t like you anymore. Too bad. But that’s OK, if you can earn his trust maybe he’ll help you in your mission. And if he doesn’t, oh well…there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
…Which reminds me…Melina Cruz…you didn’t know you were destined to be with her.
<I did though. And the “I” I am referring to is me. Me who? Me not you, that’s who.>
You didn’t know her betrayal of Mr. D would cause Andy to go mad. You didn’t know in his madness that he’d find a way to take over the World with his 2Goons. You DID know you were going to be waxing dat ass…
<Melina’s ass. Not Andy’s. I’m not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that.>
…but that’s a different story for another time. …So where was I? Ah yes, make friends. I don’t care who they are. Nathan Saniti seemed like a nice enough chap, even if he did cause you defeat.
<Oh…that’s right. You don’t like to lose. Well, get over it Mr. Galactic Bounty Hunter. Not that you were ever a bounty hunter to begin with; Swindler maybe, but bounty hunter? Give me a break.
The papers say you’re going up against Loki and Stormm at Trauma 158. Can you beat them? Probably not. Will Andy D help bring you to victory?…Uhm, probably not. He probably won’t even tag you in again. Oh well. Let him have his hissy fit. There’s other.>
If I’m right, the Pure Class Wrestling roster has a few people who could help. Maybe Gem? What about THE BEAR?!
<I (we???) had to write it in all caps. THE BEAR. Just writing it like that makes him seem almost important. He isn’t though. So let's forget about him for now and move on to someone more realistic like…>
I got it! Those Dillinger Boys could probably help you out. Seek them out. Ask them for guidance. Hangtown is legendary. Mystical even. One of those boys might be able to help you find the treadmill. If you succeed, you won’t be receiving another letter from me. If you fail…well, you might have wanted to keep your nose out of their business in the first place.
That’s all for now. I hope you’re successful in what you need to do. If you manage this right, you’ll save the World. I think. Don’t look at me like that. I can’t help it if altering reality isn’t so simple. If it was, you wouldn’t have failed. Now that you have, get the help you need. Someone will have to help, right? This letter will now not self-destruct.
That's right, I (we???) said it. You failed.
It was supposed to be so simple: collect cash, debut, and then help Andy D win The Icemann Invitational so that it impresses Melina Cruz and she falls madly in-love with him. Then all you had to do was backstab Andy D and steal his woman, then save the World.
If history is (was???) right, you: went in, collected cash, and then cost Andy D two matches in a row.
<...Oh, and there’s also the whole Melina’s dead now thing too. Way to screw that one up, DC.>
But all hope is not lost. You still have an opportunity to right your wrongs. You’ll need to get your finely-manicured fingers on the prototype treadmill Doctor Robert Bruce and Mr. Wayne Quinton created back in the 1950s, but you were able to do it at least once before, so I don’t see why it’d be impossible to do it again.
<Dr. Bruce and Mr. Wayne(comma Quinton). Bruce Wayne. Heh. Batman lives….in Derek Cosmos. *Cheesy Smile* Yes. I wrote cheesy smile. You can’t see a cheesy smile in a letter, genius.>
It’s not going to be easy. You’re going to need to gain a few allies. If I’m not mistaken, Andy D probably doesn’t like you anymore. Too bad. But that’s OK, if you can earn his trust maybe he’ll help you in your mission. And if he doesn’t, oh well…there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
…Which reminds me…Melina Cruz…you didn’t know you were destined to be with her.
<I did though. And the “I” I am referring to is me. Me who? Me not you, that’s who.>
You didn’t know her betrayal of Mr. D would cause Andy to go mad. You didn’t know in his madness that he’d find a way to take over the World with his 2Goons. You DID know you were going to be waxing dat ass…
<Melina’s ass. Not Andy’s. I’m not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that.>
…but that’s a different story for another time. …So where was I? Ah yes, make friends. I don’t care who they are. Nathan Saniti seemed like a nice enough chap, even if he did cause you defeat.
<Oh…that’s right. You don’t like to lose. Well, get over it Mr. Galactic Bounty Hunter. Not that you were ever a bounty hunter to begin with; Swindler maybe, but bounty hunter? Give me a break.
The papers say you’re going up against Loki and Stormm at Trauma 158. Can you beat them? Probably not. Will Andy D help bring you to victory?…Uhm, probably not. He probably won’t even tag you in again. Oh well. Let him have his hissy fit. There’s other.>
If I’m right, the Pure Class Wrestling roster has a few people who could help. Maybe Gem? What about THE BEAR?!
<I (we???) had to write it in all caps. THE BEAR. Just writing it like that makes him seem almost important. He isn’t though. So let's forget about him for now and move on to someone more realistic like…>
I got it! Those Dillinger Boys could probably help you out. Seek them out. Ask them for guidance. Hangtown is legendary. Mystical even. One of those boys might be able to help you find the treadmill. If you succeed, you won’t be receiving another letter from me. If you fail…well, you might have wanted to keep your nose out of their business in the first place.
That’s all for now. I hope you’re successful in what you need to do. If you manage this right, you’ll save the World. I think. Don’t look at me like that. I can’t help it if altering reality isn’t so simple. If it was, you wouldn’t have failed. Now that you have, get the help you need. Someone will have to help, right? This letter will now not self-destruct.