Post by Andy D on Sept 9, 2014 18:37:26 GMT -5
<* You probably don’t remember how this works. That’s ok, this isn’t that complicated so we’ll take this from the top. Our scene opens to a Generic Promotional Background. To achieve the Generic Promotional Background look (which should never be shorted to GPB for legal reasons), you first take a large, flat standing background, generally a wall or some kind of large freestanding board of some kind. Make sure this background is in a plain colour, such as black, cream, neon pink, or some similar colour scheme. No Plaid, Polka Dots or Tartans please, those are not plain at all. As an option, you may decide to slap the logo of whatever company, organisation or idea you happen to be promoting for.
Now that we’ve explained the what, lets get to the why. We find those old Pure Class Wrestling alumni Jackle and Menace, better known collectively as the 2Guys, standing in front of a Generic Promotional Background as detailed above. For those of you who may remember what happens next, I trust you to be adequately prepared. For those that don’t… well it’s too late now. *>
Menace: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome to this, another 2Guys Promotional Video.
Jackle: We’re back baby!
Menace: Later on in the program we’ll be talking to the Police Chief who does a regular talk at the local community center on Heroin so you can’t understand a word he’s saying.
Jackle: And we’ll be asking why his some of his officers are very interested in interviewing a suspect in high heels and stockings and why the Chief is insisting they do it in their uniforms as normal.
Menace: But first… Wrestling news!
Jackle: We’re back baby!
Menace: Well, not exactly. See our boy Andy got himself taken by those dastardly agents of the foot.
Jackle: Damn, if only somebody didn’t have a massive craving for turtle soup last year we wouldn’t be having this issue right now.
Menace: I know right? Now we have to hope these Foot guys turn into athletes so we can get rid of it with some powder.
Jackle: But wait a second, if Andy is missing right now, why are we standing around here goofing off?
Menace: Because we always do this stuff before we go off on a crazy, ill advised adventure.
Jackle: Of course, makes sense now. So what’s the plan?
Menace: We dress up like Batman and Robin, go hunt down the trail and get Andy back.
Jackle: If Andy is in the hands of the Foot Clan, we don’t have time to go get our Batman and Robin costumes.
Menace: You mean you don’t always wear yours under your shirt at all times?
Jackle: You mean you do?
Menace: Yeah.
<* To demonstrate his point, Menace grabs his shirt and takes it off in a quick and impressive display. Sure enough, he’s wearing some kind of Batman-esque top (with fake foam six pack) and a flowing cape. *>
Jackle: Ok, wow...
Menace: Now then boy blunder…. To the Batmobile!
Jackle: Didn’t the clapped out, rusted up Chevy Corvair bite the dust during our last major misadventure
Menace: Yeah, we’ve kind of replaced it with a Prius now.
Jackle: Wow, I’m not sure if that’s better or worse that the last one.
Menace: Nice call back by the way.
Jackle: Thanks. Now come on, Andy’s life could be hanging in the balance.
<* And with that the 2Guys walk off to the right of the shot and we fade out to black… *>
~*~
<* But it’s not for long as we fade back out from black into a brand new scene. We find our intrepid (or should that be inept) heroes inside the Pure Class Arena. More specifically, they’re walking down to the ringside, their footsteps echoing around the empty arena. *>
Menace: Man this place feels creepy when there’s nobody here.
<* Jackle nods in agreement as the two reach the ring. They walk around it for a bit, before stopping at one of the turnbuckles. *>
Jackle: I fail to see Andy’s hat lying around.
Menace: well I guess we can also classify this as a hat-napping.
Jackle: Why would the Foot Clan take Andy’s hat anyway?
Menace: Because it’s a really good hat, all nice and comfortable to wear.
Jackle: And Andy is really protective of it, he’s probably going to be really angry when he find out someone else has touched his hat.
Menace: To be fair, I think it’s just us he doesn’t like touching it… or anything of his.
Jackle: Well I think we should get down to business.
<* The 2Guys grab some rubber gloves from their pockets and proceed to place them on their hands. *>
Menace: Ok CSI Jackle… let’s look for clues!
<* The 2Guys start looking around intently at various different parts of the ring area, the floor, the barrier, the ring apron, etc. They start to pluck at every loose fibre to examine it, look closely at any possible finger prints left behind. They practically examine any loose speck of dust they can find. Of course they don’t have any other kind of equipment that they have on those forensic TV shows, so their search may be a bit fruitless. Still, being the 2Guys, that’s never stopped them before. *>
Jackle: What have we here?
<* Jackle is over by the ring itself, and on the mat underneath one of the turnbuckles he grabs a small object. Menace walks over to also look at the find. *>
Menace: A piece of popcorn? Hmm… I wonder what you are doing so far away from the crowd.
Jackle: Did you know Americans eat about 17 billion quarts of popcorn each year, but only around 5 billion of those are consumed outside of the home domicile at places like theatres and stadium events.
Menace: Hmm…
<* Menace reaches into his back pocket to take out a pair of sunglasses, which he places on his face (over his eyes, obviously but I didn’t think you need me to tell you that). *>
Menace: I guess you could say the Popcorn industry was really… popping.
<* Menace stands there with his hands on his hips, facing off far into the cheep seats of the crowd, a small, smug smirk creeping onto his lips. After standing there for a couple of minutes, Menace makes an audible cough to catch the attention of his Tag Team partner. *>
Jackle: Huh, oh sorry… YEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
<* In their own minds, the guitar riff of The Who echoes around the arena, with thousands of people mildly chuckling at their antics. But in reality the 2Guys are just there, standing in the silent arena, their own smug stupidity being the only audible sound down at ringside. At least it was, until one of the members of the Pure Class Arena Security steps out from the back onto the stage area. *>
PCAS: Hey, who the hell is down there?
<* The yelling voice startles Jackle and Menace, as it probably should do, and the two look over towards where it originated from. Seeing a member of PCAS standing there, looking particularly unhappy, the 2Guys panic and start running towards the announcers tables. *>
Menace: Quick, leg it!
<* They bolt over the barricade behind where Jerry Andrews and Ace Anderson perform their presenting duties and run out through the crowd area (thankful that there is no crowd to slow them down) as this scene fades to black. *>
~*~
<* But wait, we’re still not done here, and we find ourselves outside the Pure Class Arena right now staring at one of the rarely used exit doors (painted blue of course). However today the door is opened up for a brief moment as 2 bodies are thrown out of it. *>
PCAS: No unauthorised personal in the building.
<* The 2Guys land unceremoniously out onto the hard concrete outside the arena as the door is promptly slammed shut, a symbolic reference to their lack of authorisation. *>
Jackle: If we had a lawyer, you’d be hearing from him.
Menace: No he wouldn’t.
Jackle: Yeah, your right, he wouldn’t.
<* The 2 Guys pick themselves off the floor and dust themselves down, stretching out the minor injuries they’ve sustained from being manhandled out of the building. *>
Menace: Damn it, all that effort and we’re still no closer to finding Andy.
Jackle: There’s so many exist and so many directions he could have taken, or been taken. Andy could be anywhere by now.
Menace: Who knows what horrors the Foot Clan could be subjugating Andy to?
Jackle: Stabbing with hot pokers. Starvation. Sleep Deprivation… forced to watch Barney the Dinosaur on repeat.
Menace: Oh god the horror!
Jackle: Well we’re not giving up.
Menace: But how do we go on when we have no idea even where he may have gone to?
Jackle: Just pick a direction.
Menace: Huh?
Jackle: Through all our years, our usage of complete and total randomness has never failed us.
Menace: Well it has.
Jackle: Ok, it has. But we’ve still always used it, and I say we do so now.
Menace: Ok, let’s do it!
<* Jackle grabs Menace by the shoulders and spins him around in a circle several times. *>
Jackle: Ok, now pick a direction.
Menace: That way!
<* Menace thrusts his arm in a direction and the 2Guys look off that way into the distance. *>
Jackle: Very well then, that is the way we travel. For victory, for Andy…
Menace: For the hat!
<* The 2Guys nod at each other in complete agreement. *>
2Guys: For the hat!
<* And with that, the 2Guys charge off in direction Menace randomly picked, Menace himself not quite walking in a straight line. And now we finally fade to black for the final time. *>
Now that we’ve explained the what, lets get to the why. We find those old Pure Class Wrestling alumni Jackle and Menace, better known collectively as the 2Guys, standing in front of a Generic Promotional Background as detailed above. For those of you who may remember what happens next, I trust you to be adequately prepared. For those that don’t… well it’s too late now. *>
Menace: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome to this, another 2Guys Promotional Video.
Jackle: We’re back baby!
Menace: Later on in the program we’ll be talking to the Police Chief who does a regular talk at the local community center on Heroin so you can’t understand a word he’s saying.
Jackle: And we’ll be asking why his some of his officers are very interested in interviewing a suspect in high heels and stockings and why the Chief is insisting they do it in their uniforms as normal.
Menace: But first… Wrestling news!
Jackle: We’re back baby!
Menace: Well, not exactly. See our boy Andy got himself taken by those dastardly agents of the foot.
Jackle: Damn, if only somebody didn’t have a massive craving for turtle soup last year we wouldn’t be having this issue right now.
Menace: I know right? Now we have to hope these Foot guys turn into athletes so we can get rid of it with some powder.
Jackle: But wait a second, if Andy is missing right now, why are we standing around here goofing off?
Menace: Because we always do this stuff before we go off on a crazy, ill advised adventure.
Jackle: Of course, makes sense now. So what’s the plan?
Menace: We dress up like Batman and Robin, go hunt down the trail and get Andy back.
Jackle: If Andy is in the hands of the Foot Clan, we don’t have time to go get our Batman and Robin costumes.
Menace: You mean you don’t always wear yours under your shirt at all times?
Jackle: You mean you do?
Menace: Yeah.
<* To demonstrate his point, Menace grabs his shirt and takes it off in a quick and impressive display. Sure enough, he’s wearing some kind of Batman-esque top (with fake foam six pack) and a flowing cape. *>
Jackle: Ok, wow...
Menace: Now then boy blunder…. To the Batmobile!
Jackle: Didn’t the clapped out, rusted up Chevy Corvair bite the dust during our last major misadventure
Menace: Yeah, we’ve kind of replaced it with a Prius now.
Jackle: Wow, I’m not sure if that’s better or worse that the last one.
Menace: Nice call back by the way.
Jackle: Thanks. Now come on, Andy’s life could be hanging in the balance.
<* And with that the 2Guys walk off to the right of the shot and we fade out to black… *>
~*~
<* But it’s not for long as we fade back out from black into a brand new scene. We find our intrepid (or should that be inept) heroes inside the Pure Class Arena. More specifically, they’re walking down to the ringside, their footsteps echoing around the empty arena. *>
Menace: Man this place feels creepy when there’s nobody here.
<* Jackle nods in agreement as the two reach the ring. They walk around it for a bit, before stopping at one of the turnbuckles. *>
Jackle: I fail to see Andy’s hat lying around.
Menace: well I guess we can also classify this as a hat-napping.
Jackle: Why would the Foot Clan take Andy’s hat anyway?
Menace: Because it’s a really good hat, all nice and comfortable to wear.
Jackle: And Andy is really protective of it, he’s probably going to be really angry when he find out someone else has touched his hat.
Menace: To be fair, I think it’s just us he doesn’t like touching it… or anything of his.
Jackle: Well I think we should get down to business.
<* The 2Guys grab some rubber gloves from their pockets and proceed to place them on their hands. *>
Menace: Ok CSI Jackle… let’s look for clues!
<* The 2Guys start looking around intently at various different parts of the ring area, the floor, the barrier, the ring apron, etc. They start to pluck at every loose fibre to examine it, look closely at any possible finger prints left behind. They practically examine any loose speck of dust they can find. Of course they don’t have any other kind of equipment that they have on those forensic TV shows, so their search may be a bit fruitless. Still, being the 2Guys, that’s never stopped them before. *>
Jackle: What have we here?
<* Jackle is over by the ring itself, and on the mat underneath one of the turnbuckles he grabs a small object. Menace walks over to also look at the find. *>
Menace: A piece of popcorn? Hmm… I wonder what you are doing so far away from the crowd.
Jackle: Did you know Americans eat about 17 billion quarts of popcorn each year, but only around 5 billion of those are consumed outside of the home domicile at places like theatres and stadium events.
Menace: Hmm…
<* Menace reaches into his back pocket to take out a pair of sunglasses, which he places on his face (over his eyes, obviously but I didn’t think you need me to tell you that). *>
Menace: I guess you could say the Popcorn industry was really… popping.
<* Menace stands there with his hands on his hips, facing off far into the cheep seats of the crowd, a small, smug smirk creeping onto his lips. After standing there for a couple of minutes, Menace makes an audible cough to catch the attention of his Tag Team partner. *>
Jackle: Huh, oh sorry… YEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
<* In their own minds, the guitar riff of The Who echoes around the arena, with thousands of people mildly chuckling at their antics. But in reality the 2Guys are just there, standing in the silent arena, their own smug stupidity being the only audible sound down at ringside. At least it was, until one of the members of the Pure Class Arena Security steps out from the back onto the stage area. *>
PCAS: Hey, who the hell is down there?
<* The yelling voice startles Jackle and Menace, as it probably should do, and the two look over towards where it originated from. Seeing a member of PCAS standing there, looking particularly unhappy, the 2Guys panic and start running towards the announcers tables. *>
Menace: Quick, leg it!
<* They bolt over the barricade behind where Jerry Andrews and Ace Anderson perform their presenting duties and run out through the crowd area (thankful that there is no crowd to slow them down) as this scene fades to black. *>
~*~
<* But wait, we’re still not done here, and we find ourselves outside the Pure Class Arena right now staring at one of the rarely used exit doors (painted blue of course). However today the door is opened up for a brief moment as 2 bodies are thrown out of it. *>
PCAS: No unauthorised personal in the building.
<* The 2Guys land unceremoniously out onto the hard concrete outside the arena as the door is promptly slammed shut, a symbolic reference to their lack of authorisation. *>
Jackle: If we had a lawyer, you’d be hearing from him.
Menace: No he wouldn’t.
Jackle: Yeah, your right, he wouldn’t.
<* The 2 Guys pick themselves off the floor and dust themselves down, stretching out the minor injuries they’ve sustained from being manhandled out of the building. *>
Menace: Damn it, all that effort and we’re still no closer to finding Andy.
Jackle: There’s so many exist and so many directions he could have taken, or been taken. Andy could be anywhere by now.
Menace: Who knows what horrors the Foot Clan could be subjugating Andy to?
Jackle: Stabbing with hot pokers. Starvation. Sleep Deprivation… forced to watch Barney the Dinosaur on repeat.
Menace: Oh god the horror!
Jackle: Well we’re not giving up.
Menace: But how do we go on when we have no idea even where he may have gone to?
Jackle: Just pick a direction.
Menace: Huh?
Jackle: Through all our years, our usage of complete and total randomness has never failed us.
Menace: Well it has.
Jackle: Ok, it has. But we’ve still always used it, and I say we do so now.
Menace: Ok, let’s do it!
<* Jackle grabs Menace by the shoulders and spins him around in a circle several times. *>
Jackle: Ok, now pick a direction.
Menace: That way!
<* Menace thrusts his arm in a direction and the 2Guys look off that way into the distance. *>
Jackle: Very well then, that is the way we travel. For victory, for Andy…
Menace: For the hat!
<* The 2Guys nod at each other in complete agreement. *>
2Guys: For the hat!
<* And with that, the 2Guys charge off in direction Menace randomly picked, Menace himself not quite walking in a straight line. And now we finally fade to black for the final time. *>
